Archive of Our Own

“Midterm assignment,” Killua read out loud. “In four to five pages double spaced, discuss the following points regarding the ‘Soulmate Phenomenon’. One, what physical/nonphysical evidence of Soulmates are currently recorded and provide examples; two, explain in detail one modern day Soulmate Theory with references listed; and three, reflect on the previous two points using your own opinions. Note, you are not required to write down any personal experiences.”

Killua looked up from the paper to Gon. He raised an eyebrow. “And what makes you think I’ll be able to help you with this? I don’t go to your school.”

Gon shrugged helplessly. “Well, yeah, but you know everything. I figured you would at least be able to point me in the right direction. I don’t even know where to start.”

One of the best things about Killua was how easy it was to embarrass him. Gon felt a tiny thrill as Killua’s cheeks turned bright pink. It was a nice look on him, Gon thought, even though Killua’s scowl marred the effect a bit.

“Jeez. You really can’t do anything on your own, can you? Why don’t you pick up a textbook for once instead of relying on me all the time?!”

“’Cause you’re way better than a textbook!” He dropped down next to his friend and poked him in the side. “C’mon, Killua. Please? I promise we can do something fun afterwards!”

“Don’t-!” Killua recoiled from Gon’s finger with a hiss. “Stop jabbing me! God, you’re so annoying!”

Gon brightened. “Does that mean you’ll help me?”

“I...ugh, fine. It’s not like I have anything better to do anyway.”

“Yay!” Gon threw his arms around Killua. “Thank you, Killua! I’ll make it up to you!”

Gon heard Killua wheeze, “Gon- can’t breathe!”

He closed his eyes for a brief second- taking in the feel of Killua’s slim figure in his arms and the slight twinge in his wrist that was always there whenever they touched- before letting go.

“Do you want to do it now or later?” Gon asked as Killua gasped for air.

Killua took a moment to reach around Gon and grab the assignment paper off the treehouse floor. His clear blue eyes scanned the document for the second time as he said thoughtfully, “Let’s do it now. Like you said, we can relax and do something cool once we’re done.”

“’Kay.”

“Do you even know anything about Soulmates?” Killua questioned him.

Gon frowned. Soulmates. He knew a bit, of course. Everyone did. But that wasn’t enough to write the essay on his own.

Killua pressed him again, “Haven’t you been learning about this stuff in school? The teacher wouldn’t assign this if you weren’t talking about it in class.”

“Ha. Well, uh, about that-”

“You weren’t paying attention, were you,” Killua said flatly and Gon winced. That hadn’t even been a question.

“Um. No?”

Killua wacked him on the head with the paper and Gon cried out instinctively, reaching up to cover the spot where he’d been hit.

“I don’t know why I even bother,” Killua muttered as Gon rubbed his head. “Seriously, I should just go to school with you instead of getting homeschooled. At least then I could make you pay attention to what’s going on! I end up tutoring you more than your actual tutor does. Shouldn’t you be bringing this to what’s-his-name? Wing, right? I’m not a teacher. I could give you wrong information and you’d have no clue.”

“You wouldn’t do that to me, though,” Gon answered before he stop himself. Killua made a face, just like Gon knew he would, and Gon laughed reflexively.

He actually felt bad for abandoning Wing’s tutoring sessions. Gon had been too wrapped up in the enigma that was Killua Zoldyck for the past six months to attend them. He knew Zushi was upset about it. Gon had seen the expression on his friend’s face when Gon told him he wasn’t going to Wing’s session again.

“Are you sure?” Zushi had asked, but his tone was already laced with defeat. “I know we have that Soulmate paper due next week; if you come with me, Mr. Wing could help you write it!”

“That’s okay. I can just talk about it with Killua.”

Zushi deflated. “But- but I never see you outside of school anymore! You always go home right away. The last time we hung out was three months ago, and that was before school started. You don’t even text me.”

Gon grimaced; had it really been that long?

“I’m sorry, Zushi, I didn’t realize,” he said honestly and they paused as they reached the front of his house. “I swear, we’ll do something together soon!”

“How about tomorrow?” Zushi suggested.

Gon hesitated. He had wanted to go on a bike ride with Killua to show him a secret place that overlooked the whole town. It was going to be beautiful now that all the leaves were finally changing! And he knew Killua would like it even if the pale teen tried to hide it-

But the hopeful look in Zushi’s eyes made his insides squirm with guilt. He could always show Killua that place another day, right?

So he caved, saying, “Okay, yeah, let’s do tomorrow.”

“Great!” Zushi’s relief was obvious, even to Gon. “If, um, you want we could go see a movie? Or get dinner? Or- or maybe both!”

Gon gave him a questioning look. It wasn’t normal for Zushi to stutter so much unless he was nervous about something. His face looked red, too, for some reason. Or was it just the sun’s glare?

Gon shifted his gaze to his house and said distractedly, “A movie sounds cool.” Was Killua already inside? He really hoped so. He couldn’t wait to talk to him about the Soulmate paper. The simple thought made his chest tighten with a strange sense of anticipation.

“That’s- um, awesome! I can’t wait, we’ll have a lot of fun.”

“Mhm.” Gon squinted and his heart leapt up into his throat- he could see a mob of white in his backyard treehouse that could only be Killua’s hair.

He took off towards his front door in a sprint, yelling over his shoulder, “I’ll see you tomorrow, Zushi! Text me about the movie!”

“Y-yeah, definitely!”

Gon could hear the joy in Zushi’s voice but he pushed his friend to the back of his mind for the time being.

Killua was here.

Gon shook his head, letting the hour-old memory fade away. He would have tomorrow to focus on Zushi. Right now, the only thing in the world he wanted to do was talk with Killua.

He let his gaze linger on Killua’s elegant features as he said casually, “Besides, Wing’s nice and all, but I’d much rather spend my free time playing around with you.”

Killua stiffened and color flooded into his face. He kind of reminded Gon of a ripe tomato like that, but instead of the tomato stem there was just the silver fluff of Killua’s hair.

Killua abruptly turned away from Gon, hiding his face with the assignment paper. “Whatever. Do what you want, I don’t care.”

Gon giggled at his response and Killua spoke loudly over the sound, “Anyway- I guess we’ll start by seeing what you know so far; what basic knowledge do you have on Soulmates? I mean, everyone knows at least something.”

“I know they exist,” Gon offered.

Killua rolled his eyes. “That doesn’t help, Gon. You have to give me more than that.”

“But some people don’t think they do! That’s true, right? People who don’t have Soulmates sometimes think people make the Soulmarks and stuff up because it’s so rare to have one.”

Killua nodded. “Yeah, you’re right. Only one percent of the population have Soulmarks. And out of that only about three-fourths ever find their Soulmate. So it makes sense that people without them would think it’s a scam. Those people are idiots, though; the evidence for Soulmates is so overwhelming at this point that they can’t be denied.”

Coldness seized Gon’s heart. He had always known Soulmates weren’t common, but not by that much! What did that mean for him?

“Do- do you believe in them, Killua?” Gon asked, stumbling over his words. His heartbeat thudded loudly in his ears.

Killua snorted. “Yes. I would think that would be obvious considering the fact that I’m helping you out with this thing.”

Gon sagged, relieved for a reason he didn’t understand. But, if Killua believed, did that mean-?

“Do you, um, have any experience with Soulmates? Is that why you think they’re real?”

Killua’s expression became unreadable. “My parents…they’re Soulmates.”

“What? Really?”

Gon didn’t know that. Not that he’d really interacted Killua’s parents much but, still. He had only seen them twice; Killua’s mother when she left their house with a smaller boy that must’ve been Killua’s youngest brother, and Killua’s father on the one occasion he came to Gon’s house to pick Killua up after he and Gon had fallen asleep watching old SpongeBob clips on YouTube.

Gon knew exactly three things about Killua’s family:

One, they kept a vicious dog in their yard at all times named Mike. Gon was normally good with animals, but this one attacked him every single time he tried to jump the fence to see Killua. Gon even had a bite-sized scar on his leg to prove it.

Two, they had moved next door to Gon six months ago because of Killua’s parents’ jobs. They worked in government- but Killua wouldn’t tell him which government- and the whole family was relocated every couple of years.

When Gon asked specifically what his parents worked on, Killua had just looked at him blankly.

“If I told you that,” Killua said, voice even and one-hundred percent serious. “I’d have to kill you.”

And, finally and most importantly, three:

Killua hated them.

But Killua, on the other hand- he was a different matter altogether. Gon knew lots of things about Killua. Things he noticed about the blue-eyed teen that he didn’t bother paying attention to with anyone else.

Gon knew Killua craved chocolate so much it was almost unhealthy; he was a master with yo-yos and darts since he was a child and proved it to Gon on a dare two months after they’d met; he never answered text messages before noon because he stayed up late enough every night to take pictures of the stars and moon; he could beat Gon in every video game Gon owned except for Greed Island, which was made for Gon custom by his dad-

“Yep,” Killua said as he leaned back on the heels of his hands. “My mom had problems with her eyes for her entire life, then she met my dad and suddenly her symptoms disappeared. As long as she’s around him, she has no problem.”

He looked at Gon expectantly. “That’s a Soulmark, by the way. Isn’t that a point you have to cover?”

“Oh! Yeah, it is. Wait just a sec-” Gon lurched sideways to grab his backpack. He rummaged around until he found a pencil and paper, then scooted back to where Killua was waiting.

“…Soulmarks…see right…” Gon repeated as he wrote down what Killua had said, and their shoulders brushed as his arm moved.

“Don’t use my exact example,” Killua said quickly. “My parents would murder me if they somehow found out.”

Gon would’ve laughed, but he knew just how true that statement was. He said seriously, “I won’t.”

“Good. Now, what do you know about the Soulmarks, specifically?”

“Um, I know that Soulmarks come in different forms? Like, there’s the physical signs and then the…not so physical signs?”

“Mmmm, kinda. There are two categories, like you said. The Visual Signs, which is obviously the ones you can see. They can be symbols, red string leading you to your significant other, clocks on your skin…you get the point. My mom’s Soulmark is an example. There’s Kurapika, who’s eyes turn grey whenever he’s around Melody. Another would be that pop-star Meruem. He had the actual name of his Soulmate, Komugi, on his hand. Once they met at an international board game tournament, that was it. They refused to leave each other’s sides.”

Gon remembered that. The event had been plastered all over the news for months. “Didn’t Meruem quit and buy a house somewhere in the middle of nowhere?”

Killua nodded. “I heard his three managers were really pissed about the whole thing. But they couldn’t do anything; as soon as they were legally recognized as Soulmates, separating them without their consent was a punishable felony. I don’t think Meruem does anything now except play games with Komugi and live off the money he made when he was famous.”

“That doesn’t sound too bad,” Gon said as he scratched down more notes. A peaceful life with their Soulmate- who wouldn’t want that?

“I guess.”

Out of the corner of Gon’s eye, he saw Killua pull Gon’s backpack over and begin to dig through it. He stayed focused on writing down what Killua had said though, ‘cause he knew he’d forget it all the second he tried to start the paper-

Killua gasped suddenly, “Gon! Did you get these for me?”

Gon’s head snapped up to see Killua clutching a box of miniature chocolate robots.

“Oh, yeah, they were selling them at the school store and I thought of you. Those are the ones you like, right? I wasn’t sure but I wanted to get them anyway just in case-”

“Yes, these are my favorite! You’re the best, Gon!” Killua yanked Gon into a tight hug. Gon’s arms automatically reached up to return the embrace, but Killua released him before he got the chance.

Gon let his arms fall as he watched Killua gleefully rip into the box. He tried to ignore the heat that rose to his face, saying, “It’s no problem.”

And it wasn’t, really. He liked making Killua happy. Seeing him smile made something warm and soft grow in the center of his chest where his heart was.

“Okay,” Killua said excitedly and popped one of the chocolates in his mouth. “Mmm, god, that’s so good. Okay, back to business. Second category of Soulmarks are the Hidden Signs; the nonphysical ones.”

“So, the ones you can’t see?”

“Righ’.” Killua’s voice was muffled as he tried to talk around the candy. “Cahm oou fink of aniee?”

“Er. Well, there’s the kind where Soulmates can feel each other’s pain. Or can hear what the other person is thinking.”

Killua nodded and dug into the chocolate box for another piece. “Yeah, exactly. See, you know more than you think you do!”

Gon scratched his cheek. “Heh, well. Aunt Mito has a nonphysical Soulmark with my dad, so. I know more about this category then the other.”

Killua made a choking sound. Gon looked at him, alarmed, just in time to see his friend swallow his chocolate with a gasp.

“You never-” cough “-told me your aunt had a Soulmark!”

“You never told me your parents did, either,” Gon pointed out.

Killua scowled. “That’s totally different.”

“Why?”

“I- I dunno. It just is.” Killua looked away and Gon pouted. He could no longer see his friend’s expression.

Gon untucked his legs, letting them stretch out on the treehouse floor in front of him. He didn’t get why Killua was worked up about it. Gon hadn’t been hiding the information on purpose or anything, it just was never a topic of conversation.

With his head still turned the other way, Killua asked casually, “What’s their Soulmarks, then?”

Gon tried to remember what Aunt Mito had told him. He thought out loud, “She said…she can tell what he’s feeling. She knows if he’s happy or angry or sad. She can’t see what he’s doing, but she can sense his emotions and know he’s alright.”

“…and your dad’s Soulmark?” Killua said quietly.

That was a lot harder. Gon had only met his father a handful of times in his entire life. Ging was too busy exploring the world and designing new gaming ideas to come home that often.

But Aunt Mito had talked about it.

“He can always tell where Aunt Mito is in relevance to his location. She said he called her his compass. With her, he can always find his way back home. No matter where he is or what he’s doing.”

Killua turned back to face him again, lips turned down. “But he won’t stay with her.”

“Nope. Ging has these big plans for his life. He won’t let anything stop him, even if Aunt Mito is his Soulmate.”

Gon paused. Wow, that sounded really sad now that he thought about it. He amended, “I mean, Soulmates aren’t required to stay together. It’s like you said: some people never find theirs. And it’s not like they never see each other. I know they talk, sometimes.”

“Sometimes,” Killua repeated in disbelief.

Gon shrugged. As Aunt Mito said, it was what it was. Ging wasn’t going to change and Aunt Mito didn’t want him to. She accepted him for what he was. Isn’t that what having a Soulmate was all about?

He tried to explain it to Killua by saying, “As long as Aunt Mito knows that Ging’s living his life to the fullest, that’s what matters most to her. Even if they’re not together all the time. Besides, she says just having me around is enough work for her. She wouldn’t know what to do if my dad was here all the time too.”

Killua snorted and ran a hand through his bangs. “Yeah, well. If your dad’s anything like you, I don’t blame her.”

“Hey!” Gon protested, but he couldn’t help himself from smiling. Killua smirked back, hand still in his hair-

Gon zeroed in on it immediately. He grabbed Killua’s hand and yanked it towards him. Killua cried out in surprise and had to slam his free hand down to stop himself from falling over.

“Woah- hey, Gon! What’re you-”

Gon cut him off, “The bandages are gone.”

Killua stiffened.

Gon half-expected him to pull away, but he didn’t. Instead Killua’s long fingers clenched into a white-knuckled fist under Gon’s touch.

“Yeah,” Killua said warily. “I got them off yesterday.”

“It doesn’t hurt anymore?” Gon gently turned Killua’s hand over in his own. Killua’s skin was marred with thin scars- like someone had given him a hundred tiny paper cuts.

“No. I told you before, it wasn’t a serious injury. I was just clumsy that day. I should’ve been more careful when I was cleaning the steak knives.”

Gon bit his tongue to stop himself from snapping back. ‘Clumsy’ didn’t cover the fact that Killua’s arm had been bruised black and purple all the way up to his shoulder. Or how Killua limped whenever he walked for a full week and a half after the accident.

Gon said slowly, “Killua, are you sure you’re okay?”

“Yes.” Killua jerked his arm out of Gon’s grasp. “I said that already.”

“I know, but. That was a pretty serious injury for just cleaning knives-”

“Gon.” Killua’s voice had turned hard, leaving no room for protest. “It was nothing.”

Gon stared at Killua, whose expression was abruptly cold and closed-off, and his heart twisted.

There was something bad and very, very wrong going on in Killua’s house. Gon knew it, and wanted to help with everything he had, but Killua refused to tell him anything. And Gon wouldn’t do something that would indirectly hurt his friend. So, until Killua was ready, he would have to wait.

He deflated with a sigh. “Okay. If you’re sure.”

“I am.”

“Just, you know, I’m here if you ever wanna talk about it.”

Killua grit his teeth. “There’s nothing to talk about.”

Gon opened his mouth, “Killua-”

“Stop, Gon!” Killua finally snapped. “Just- stop it! Nothing else happened, okay? Let it go, already!”

The words died in Gon’s mouth at the ferocity in Killua’s slant-eyed glare. Heavy tension hung in the air between them. Gon’s heart thumped against his ribcage, heavy and loud, and his head felt fuzzy under the intense fury that radiated off Killua in waves.

Killua only yelled at him when he was really, really mad. Gon must have really pissed him off this ti-

“GON, KILLUA! I HAVE SNACKS INSIDE THE KITCHEN IF YOU WANT ANYTHING!”

Aunt Mito’s yell shattered the moment like a rock hitting glass.

Killua’s face scrunched up and he abruptly turned away with a tch. Gon blinked, finally released from Killua’s anger.

“…um, I’m gonna go see what she has,” Gon said after an awkward pause.

Killua didn’t say anything, shoulders defensively hunched as he faced the opposite wall. Gon let out a low breath and crawled towards the exit.

“You boys okay up there?” Aunt Mito asked from the sink when Gon entered the kitchen.

He shrugged. “Killua is- he’s acting weird, today. I don’t know why. He won’t tell me.”

Aunt Mito looked at him over his shoulder, worry causing her brows to tug downwards. “I thought I heard someone yelling. What were you talking about?”

“Soulmates,” Gon answered sullenly. He pulled open the fridge doors and peered inside.

“That’s a pretty heavy topic. Is something it for school?”

“Yeah.” An idea hit him and he brightened. “Hey, Aunt Mito, do you have any chocolate milk? That might make Killua feel better.”

“Last shelf, all the way to the right.”

“Hmm- oh, I see it! Thanks!”

He grabbed a pack of the milk his friend so dearly loved and took one of his own orange juice cups. Hopefully, Killua would forgive him with this. Chocolate usually won Killua over in the end.

“Gon-” Aunt Mito caught him by the arm as he passed, forcing him to stop. “You have to understand, some people are very sensitive about Soulmates.”

Gon tilted his head to the side. “I know.” He didn’t think that was what Killua was really upset about, anyway.

Aunt Mito bit her lip. “No, I what I mean to say is- some people are scared to meet their Soulmates. The idea in general terrifies them.”

“Why?” Gon asked, confused.

“They’re scared of the commitment, of having no choice in deciding who you want in your life. So, when you talk about this with Killua, be careful about what you say. He might not feel the same as you.”

Gon didn’t know how to respond. So he just nodded numbly and Aunt Mito gave him a soft smile. She patted his cheek gently, saying, “I’m just giving you some advice, sweetie. Now, do your best and go finish up that paper.”

Gon did what he was told and trotted out of the kitchen and into the back yard.

He didn’t really get what Aunt Mito had been trying to explain to him. How could anyone not want to meet their Soulmate? Having the confirmation that there was someone who loved you unconditionally sounded like a good idea to Gon. That hadn’t even been what they’d been talking about when Killua got mad, but it made Gon wonder…

Did Killua have a Soulmate?

When Gon managed to climb back into the treehouse, Killua was still turned towards window. The opening gave a clear view of Gon’s front yard, which was empty. But the blank expression on Killua’s face caused worry to gnaw at Gon’s mind.

“Killua?”

His friend jumped. His head whipped around to stare at Gon with wide, blue eyes.

“Gon.” Killua visibly relaxed, slumping back to the floor. “You scared me.”

“I’m sorry,” Gon said. He wanted to ask what Killua was thinking about, but that might make him mad again.

So, instead he simply said, “I have something for you.” He held the chocolate milk out to Killua like it was a peace offering.

Killua’s face lit up. “Chocolate milk!”

He snatched the container from Gon’s hand and immediately started to claw the plastic straw off the side. Gon took his time opening his orange juice, paying careful attention to Killua for any signs of a Soulmark. If he had any Visual Signs, Gon didn’t see them.

Killua noticed Gon’s gaze and froze. “What? Do I have something on my face?”

“N-no!” Gon stuttered. Damn, he meant to get caught staring!

“Okayyyy,” Killua said suspiciously. “Then what-”

“Let’s go onto the next part of the essay!” Gon interrupted loudly and threw himself over Killua’s lap to grab the assignment paper.

“Oi, Gon! Watch it!” Killua yelled from somewhere above Gon’s head. Gon clasped the paper in one hand and pushed himself back onto his knees.

“Jeez, you almost made me drop my drink,” Killua grumbled but Gon ignored him, just like he ignored the hard pounding of his heart and the uncomfortably hot feeling that crawled up his neck.

There was no reason for him to freak out like this. Was Gon nervous because he wanted to know about Killua’s Soulmate, specifically? Killua was his best friend in the world, so it made sense-

The slurping sound of Killua sipping the chocolate milk jerked him out of his thoughts.

“Didn’t the first point have to do with theories or something?” came the drawl of Killua’s voice.

Gon shook himself and refocused on the paper. “Um. Yeah. It says I have to discuss the modern day Soulmate Theories. But I don’t know any of them…”

“You’re hopeless.”

“Heh.” Gon rubbed the back of his head. “Sorry, Killua.”

Killua sighed. “Its fine. I think the main one you need to know is by a guy named Isaac Netero. He never had a Soulmate, weirdly enough, but he came up with a good reason why only some people get the Soulmarks.”

Gon definitely remembered hearing about Netero in school. He was an advocate for world-wide peace and spoke at a lot of official events around the world. Gon didn’t know that he was a philosopher, though.

Gon grabbed his notebook and pen where he’d left them on the floor. “What’d he say?”

Killua put the milk off to the side and laid down on his back, tucking his hands behind his head to form a makeshift pillow.

As he stared up at the treehouse ceiling, he said thoughtfully, “He calls it Reincarnation. He thinks that souls have more than one life. So, he reasons that Soulmates have met their significant other in another lifetime, or even another universe. And that meeting that person was so important that it left a kind of impression on their soul. The stronger the bond between the two souls, the sooner the so-called impression appears.”

“A Soulmark,” Gon concluded.

Killua turned his head to right and smiled him. “Exactly.”

There was a beat of silence as the two stared at each other. In that moment, Gon’s world narrowed down to two cerulean eyes, glowing with quiet affection, and his heartbeat stuttered in his chest.

“Do you have a Soulmark, Killua?” Gon blurted out.

Killua shot up like a firework, face flushing bright red, and he sputtered, “W-what?! What the hell, Gon- where did that come from?!”

“I, uh-” he hadn’t meant for it to come out like that! “-well, y-you seem to know a lot about this, so I was just wondering!”

Killua simply looked at him, lips pressed into a thin line like he didn’t know what to say. Gon didn’t blame him- he didn’t know where to go from here, either- but the charged tension in the space between them made him want to run as far away from the other teen as possible. What was Killua thinking?

“Did you know,” Killua said suddenly. “That if someone’s parents are Soulmates, their child has a fifty-percent chance of also having a Soulmate?”

Gon gulped. “Um. No.”

“It’s true. My oldest brother, Illumi, has a Soulmark; it’s a teardrop on his cheek. But he covers it up with this gross powder stuff. None of my other siblings have one yet, but you never know. Some people only get Soulmarks after they’ve grown older, like my sister.”

Surprise jolted down Gon’s spine. Sister? What sister? Killua never said anything-

“I don’t really talk about her,” Killua admitted lowly. He glanced down at his empty palms. “She’s…she’s really sick, Gon. None of us know how long she has left to live. But she’s so smart; she’s smarter than me, and I’m overexaggerating when I’m saying that. She could probably save the world, or destroy it, depending on what she wants.”

“Killua.” Gon swallowed thickly even as dread started to grow inside of him. He didn’t like the way Killua was speaking- detached, empty. “Killua, I don’t get why-”

“My sister has a Soulmark,” Killua said harshly and the words died in Gon’s mouth. “It’s one word on her tongue. It’s a name, actually, written out in cursive like a signature. It’s my name, Gon.”

Gon looked at Killua and Killua looked back impassively. Gon’s head felt fuzzy for some reason, and his fingers tingled as if he’d been stuck out in the snow for too long.

Killua asked him, “You know Soulmates can be platonic, right? I assume that’s the kind of Bond that your aunt and dad have, since you said you never met your birth mother. That’s what Alluka is to me. I have a Mark, too. See-”

Killua grabbed the leftover box of choboco robots Gon had bought for him. They must have melted in the still-warm temperature of autumn by now, but Killua didn’t hesitate to plunge his finger in. Gon watched numbly as Killua smeared the chocolate across the center of his right palm.

He held out his hand and Gon leaned in.

There, right in the middle, was a simple smiley face.

Killua explained, “It’s only visible when something gets on my hand. It’s not really a symbol, but I’m not sure what else to call it. You can feel it like a stamp or brail, even, but you wouldn’t be able to tell what it is unless there’s some contrast to my skin tone.”

Gon stared at Killua’s hand, but he wasn’t seeing it, not really. A sharp pain had started to build behind his eyes, and there was an ache in Gon’s throat that wouldn’t go away.

“So-” Gon’s voice cracked and he had to stop. Killua’s lips pulled down in worry but Gon avoided his gaze. He couldn’t bring himself to look directly at Killua right now. He had a feeling that if he did, he might start crying.

Gon cleared his voice, and began again, “So, that’s it then? That’s your Soulmark?”

“…yes.”

There was something weird in the way Killua said that. Like he wasn’t sure of himself. Gon’s pulse sped up as he asked, “Is there something else?”

Killua didn’t answer that time. Gon peeked at his friend to see him biting his bottom lip, brows drawn together.

Killua said hesitantly, “Well. I only got this-” he tapped his palm where the Soulmark was, “-around the time Alluka got sick. But there’s been other- things, I guess you could say, since I’ve been born. We’re not sure if it means anything, but it’s there all the same.”

“Like what?” Gon asked, heart in his mouth.

Killua rubbed the back of his neck and kept his gaze on the treehouse window. “I get dreams. Not every night, but almost. And it’s been the same thing for as long as I remember.”

Gon pressed one hand to the treehouse floor and leaned in. He couldn’t help himself from being drawn towards the other teen. “What do you dream about? Is it a person, or-”

“Nothing that specific,” Killua said with a shake of his silver head. “When I was a kid the dream was a lot of random stuff; fish poles, cliffs, sailboats. There was a bizarre hybrid animal of a fox and a bear, too, but I have no idea how the hell that got in there.”

He paused. “Oh! And a whale. There were always whales, everywhere.”

Gon gaped at Killua; to his friend, those were objects tossed together seemingly out of the blue, but to Gon-

To Gon, those were all fragments of his childhood. Aunt Mito used to take Gon to a vacation house their family owned on an island off the coast. Gon had spent every day exploring the place, taking care of wildlife that had been injured and learning tricks from sailors until the summer was over and they returned back home:

To their house on Whale Street.

“But then the dreams started the change,” Killua said, interrupting Gon’s revelation. “They got, darker. Somehow.”

Gon swallowed. “How?” Despite his question, he wasn’t sure if he wanted to know the answer.

Killua’s expression clouded over. “All the stuff in the earlier dreams disappeared. Instead, I dreamed that I was in a forest, alone. There’s no light anywhere, so I’m totally in the dark. And there’s this- this sound-”

Killua shuddered and squeezed his eyes shut. Gon reached out instinctively to touch Killua’s hand, splayed out flat against the treehouse floor.

He said softly, “Killua, you don’t have to tell me if-”

Killua shook his head violently. “No, I- I want to. Just, give me a second.”

Gon didn’t know what to say, so he just rubbed comforting circles into Killua’s soft skin. Killua inhaled deeply, letting his hand curl slightly under Gon’s, and opened his eyes. Gon’s stomach lurched; those beautiful eyes shone too brightly in the light of the setting sun.

Killua’s voice was rough when he spoke again, “There’s a pulsing sound like thunder. I can’t see it, or tell where its coming from, but it’s everywhere. It’s so loud that it feels like my skull is caving in. And I can hear someone chanting a string of words in the background, over and over and over, but I can’t understand what they’re saying. Its only when I can’t take it anymore that something- I don’t know, just, explodes.”

Killua clenched his trembling hands into fists. Gon wrapped his fingers over Killua’s instinctively.

“Everything is swallowed in this white hot light. The trees, the sound, me. And then I scream something, but I can never remember what I say. All I know is that it’s a single word; like a prayer. Or a name.”

Killua fell silent. His gaze was unfocused, like he was reliving the scene inside his mind. There was a deep pain in that expression, one that echoed in Gon’s heart as he gazed at his best friend.

He didn’t like this. Killua was a good person, and to have seen that dream for years at a time must have been unbearable. How did Killua stand it?

Gon pressed gently, “And then?”

Killua exhaled slowly. “Then I wake up. And I could never fall sleep after that, obviously, so it majorly fucked up with my sleeping schedule. It got so bad my parents actually took me to a doctor.”

“Did that help?”

Killua snorted bitterly. “No. ‘Course not. I took medicine and participated in some trials, but nothing worked. Eventually the doctors concluded that the dreams must be a type of Soulmark- because Soulmarks don’t go away no matter how hard you try to destroy them, y’know?”

“Really?” Gon didn’t know that. He’d never even heard of someone trying to get rid of their Soulmark before. Society considered someone lucky to have one in the first place.

“Mhm. I still remember what the doctor said to my parents: our bodies are constantly shifting, and we can change it any way we want. We can dye our hair, paint our nails, gain weight, but-” Killua made his voice sound old and scratchy as he parroted, “-but the soul, the soul is not so easily convinced.”

“…and what did you think about it?”

Killua shrugged. “I didn’t understand it any more than anyone else. I already had the Soulmark with Alluka at that point, so I was worried about what having two Soulmarks would mean for my Bond with her. The worst part was that I couldn’t be one-hundred percent sure that the dreams were even a Soulmark at all; Hidden Marks are always the hardest to confirm ‘cause there’s no physical proof.”

He began to play with the edge of his shirt as he added in a nonchalant tone, “Besides, my parents weren’t exactly thrilled about my first Soulmark, so they were willing to accept any excuse so that the dreams weren’t a second one.”

Gon saw the way Killua nervously moved his fingers and guessed, “They don’t want you to be attached to anyone?”

“I’m not sure why, exactly. They have a lot of expectations for me, being the chosen child and all. The Soulmark is evidence that I don’t belong to them, that I have options beyond what they want from me.”

“You always have options, Killua,” Gon said with a frown. “Your parents can’t own you. That’s not what being a family means.”

Killua pursed his lips, looking like he disagreed. But he just said, “The point is, they didn’t like the dreams because of the implication behind it. So, they asked my oldest brother for help.”

“The one with the Soulmark on his cheek?” Gon asked to make sure.

“Yeah, that’s him.”

Gon had never met Illumi, either. He had glimpsed Killua’s brother peering at him and Gon through the Zoldyck household windows on more than one occasion though. He reminded Gon of an eel with oily black hair and a flat face. Just seeing the fixated way he watched Killua was enough to make Gon shudder. Nothing good could come from Illumi getting involved, Gon was sure of it.

So what exactly had he done to Killua?

Killua paused when Gon voiced his question. “Illumi…is skilled with hypnotism. He had to learn it for a job he worked on with my parents a few years ago. Every night I woke up screaming, he would use needl- I mean, try out different techniques to stop my brain from recalling the images.”

“I thought you said you couldn’t get rid of Soulmarks?”

“You can’t. But my parents were convinced that they could at least alter it, slightly.”

“Did it work?”

“Kinda. The dreams never fully went away, but then I only got snapshots instead of the whole thing. I could sleep again. And everything was- not completely normal, but fine. I could handle it.”

Killua wasn’t saying everything. Gon could tell by the tone of his voice. “But?” he urged. “You’re talking in past tense. Did something happen?”

Killua blinked at him. “How’d you pick up on that? Half the stuff I say goes over your head.”

“Because this is important,” Gon said. Wasn’t that a given? “I can tell. So I’m really paying attention!”

Killua rolled his eyes. “Great. So the other ninety-five percent of the time I’m talking, you don’t bother listening?”

“No, that’s not it! I just noticed it especially this time, that’s all.”

“Yeah, okay, whatever. Tell that to me the next time I explain algebra to you-”

“You didn’t answer the question, Killua,” Gon pointed out and Killua glowered. “Did you want me to forget?”

“No,” Killua retorted but Gon heard the lie.

“Killua.”

Killua breathed out loudly through his nose. “Fine. You’re so stubborn, jeez. You wanted to know what happened? I had the dark dreams since I was fourteen, but recently they…stopped. They went back to the peaceful dreams when I was younger, the ones with the boats and fish and whales and stuff.”

“Just like that?” Gon repeated in disbelief.

Killua nodded and Gon chewed his bottom lip. He had a theory, about Killua’s dreams and why they had changed, but he wanted to make sure of something before he mentioned it to Killua.

If he was right, this could change everything.

“How long ago did the dreams stop?” Gon shifted slightly closer to Killua and their arms brushed.

Killua looked at him sideways. Gon couldn’t read the expression in those blue eyes, and he held his breath as he waited for Killua’s answer.

Gon’s right wrist was stinging again.

“…they stopped six months ago,” Killua admitted lowly.

“When you moved here,” Gon said, heart thumping hard in his chest. In his head he added, after you met me.

Gon saw Killua visibly swallow. “Yeah.”

They didn’t speak. Killua’s hand was cold under Gon’s, but where their arms touched it was warm. Killua was staring at him with a gaze that burned an electric shade of blue. Gon’s heartbeat was lightning quick; he knew if he didn’t do this now, he might never get the nerve to do it again.

“Killua,” he whispered. “Did you ever think, that maybe, your dreams changed because your family moved here?”

Surprise flashed through his best friend’s eyes. But then they narrowed. “What are you-?”

“Think about it!” Gon said as he leaned further into Killua’s personal space, even as the other pulled back. “Think: your dreams had whales, right? We live on Whale Street, Killua!”

“That- that doesn’t have to mean anything,” Killua stuttered.

Gon could see the panic starting to break through Killua’s usually-calm demeanor. He had to act before Killua moved farther away- both figuratively and literally,

Gon rushed out, “But it might! You said so yourself that Netero thinks Soulmarks come from our past lives, so maybe you’re dreaming about things that happened to your Soulmate in a different life, but are being repeated in this one.”

“That was just a theory, Gon!”

“You have to admit that it makes sense though, right? Maybe something really bad happened in your Soulmate’s previous life when he was fourteen. Maybe that’s why they changed!”

“He?” Killua repeated incredulously. “What makes you so sure it’s a male?”

Uncomfortable warmth started to raise to Gon’s cheeks. He refused to acknowledge it, and the implication behind Killua’s question, by blurting, “And maybe- maybe they changed again because you reunited with your Soulmate in this universe, and those memories don’t matter in this lifetime.”

Killua’s face went white. His mouth parted, but no words came out.

Silence.

They were close enough now that Gon could make out the nearly-invisible freckles sprinkled across his friend’s cheeks. He could feel Killua’s shallow breath brush across his face. Gon’s heart pounded hard and heavy against his ribs like it was trying to remind him that this was real, this was actually happening, he had finally found his-

“Are you,” Killua’s voice cracked. “Are you trying to say that- that the two of us, that we’re-”

Gon nodded vigorously. “Yes! Killua, I think we’re Soulma-”

“NO!”

Killua snatched his hand back. Gon’s blood turned to ice at the flash of naked terror shining in Killua’s eyes.

“Killua,” he began, reaching out desperately-

The silver-haired teen scrambled away from Gon. His back crashed against the treehouse wall with enough force to send vibrations through the floor and up Gon’s arms.

Gon knew that had to have been painful. But Killua didn’t react at all; instead, to Gon’s horror, he buried his too-pale face in his hands and muttered to himself frantically, “No, no no no no, this can’t- this can’t be happening-”

“Ki-”

“SHUT UP!” Killua burst out. “Just shut up! I don’t want to hear-”

“No, I won’t!” he yelled loud enough for it to echo, and Killua’s head snapped up to gape at him. “I won’t, because this involves me, too!”

Gon glared at Killua, nostrils flared. Hurt and frustration raged in his mind, mixing into a strange kind of angry pain. He didn’t understand; why was Killua reacting like this?! Even if he was scared, Gon could help him. Gon could be there for him, and he knew instinctively that he always would, because Killua- chocolate loving, star gazing, beautiful and smart and amazing Killua- meant more to him then he could ever say.

Gon crawled on his hands and knees to where Killua sat curled into himself.

Killua shrunk back as Gon neared. “Don’t come any closer,” he warned lowly.

Gon grit his teeth. “Killua. You can’t just push me away like this!”

“I can do whatever the fuck I want, Gon Freecss,” Killua hissed, a dark glimmer in the depth of those blue eyes.

“Stop acting so-”

“So, what?! Rude, loud, sarcastic? Well, too bad! This is who I am, and you can take your dumb Soulmate idea and shove it for all I care-”

Fury rolled inside of Gon like a tsunami. He slammed his hands down on the floor, drowning out the rest of Killua’s words, and snapped, “Don’t you dare finish that sentence!”

“Or else, what?” Killua scoffed. “You’ll kick me out of your treehouse? Oh, I’m so scared!”

Gon knew Killua was doing this out of fear. He knew it, could see it in the ashen color of Killua’s skin and tight, defensive line of his shoulders. But it didn’t stop Gon from wanting to grab Killua by his arms and shake him until Killua couldn’t say such horrible things anymore.

Because Killua’s taunts hurt. Each sentence that left those pale lips was a stab directly into his heart.

Tears pricked the corners of his eyes. “Don’t,” he growled out.

Killua’s eyes were glossy, too. He had to be as upset about this- this fight as Gon was. But no matter what Killua was feeling, it didn’t him from leering at Gon like he mattered less than the dirt under his shoes.

Killua said, “You can’t just suddenly declare to be my Soulmate out of the blue. My dreams don’t mean anything! They’re just dreams.”

“You can’t say that! You know the truth, Killua. I know you do! You’re just saying this because you’re scared-”

“I am not scared.”

“Yes, you are! And that’s okay, because I’m scared too, but you can’t deny the fact that those bad dreams stopped after we met, or how the whales symbolize Whale Street, and I’m telling you right now that the other stuff is definitely from my childhood! I even told you about the time I saved the fox and the bear cub-”

Killua staggered to his feet, face turning red with rage. “You don’t know anything about my dreams.”

Gon jumped up too. “I know enough from what you told me-”

“As if! Don’t go acting so self-righteous and latch onto me just because you’re lonely and don’t have any friends!”

Gon’s breath caught in his throat. He felt like Killua had just jammed a knife between his ribs and then twisted it just to see how much suffering he could take.

He swallowed thickly. He said as steadily as he could, “I have friends.”

“Oh, really?” Killua sneered. “Then how come I never see them?”

Because I want to be with you, Gon thought silently, heart clenching in pain. Since the day we met, I just always want to be with you. Even with the world crashing down on them like it was now, the one thing he wanted above everything else was to stay with Killua.

When Gon had first seen Killua sitting on the sidewalk hours after the Zoldycks had finished unpacking, something had clicked, and his mind whispered: oh, there you are, I’ve been waiting for you. From the very beginning, being with Killua was effortless and strangely familiar, like they had known each other for years. Killua listened to him, made him laugh so hard his sides hurt, and he never hesitated to challenge Gon to do better. Killua made him want to learn more, do more, because the way Killua talked about life in general- in jibes and snickers and sometimes tears- was fascinating to him. And Gon knew he could tell Killua anything without the fear of rejection.

This here was just Killua’s self-defense mechanism; to lash out at the thing threatening him. Gon couldn’t let Killua’s words get to him because they didn’t mean anything. Gon couldn’t let Killua push him back.

Because if he did, Killua might run away for good.

Gon inhaled deeply to ground himself and slowly loosened his fists. “This has nothing to do with me, or my friends. This is about us.”

Killua shook his head violently. “No, it’s about you being self-delusional and convincing yourself about things that don’t exist.”

“That’s not it,” Gon protested and took a step forward.

“Why do you even care?!” Killua snarled. His eyes shone like twin stars in the shrinking sunlight. “You don’t have a Soulmark-”

“Killua, you’re wro-”

Gon reached for Killua’s hand instinctively, just as he had before, and just like earlier, Killua tried to move away. But he was a step too slow and Gon’s fingers closed around Killua’s wrist-

“AH-!”

Sharp, hot pain jolted down Gon’s right wrist. He dropped Killua’s arm like he’d been burned and collapsed to the floor, arm pressed to his chest.

“Gon!!!”

Killua was by his side immediately. His hands floated around Gon’s hunched form, like he was almost afraid to touch him. “Are you okay?! Did I hurt you-?”

Gon cut him off, “No! No, it’s not. You didn’t do anything. Don’t worry, it’s not even hurting anymore….”

“Then-” Killua’s voice was strained. “-then what the hell just happened?!”

“I’m not sure. My wrist just really, really hurt all of a sudden.”

Gon untucked his right wrist, still breathing heavy.

And then he stopped breathing at all.

There, where his arm met his hand, was his Soulmark. He had it ever since he was born, but it looked different now; instead of the normal blue streaks that split across his skin like tree branches, the lines that made up his Mark glowed bright white. It was like someone was holding up a flashlight behind his Mark.

It looked like lightning.

“Let me see,” Killua ordered and grabbed Gon’s wrist-

They gasped simultaneously: Gon’s Mark pulsed with white light.

Killua let go. The Mark faded back into blue.

There was a heavy pause in which neither of them spoke. Then Gon slowly raised his gaze from his Mark to Killua’s face.

The other teen’s completion was almost grey now, eyes blown impossibly wide. He looked nauseous, like he was going to throw up.

Gon said quietly, “That’s never happened before.”

“…never?” Killua repeated. His voice sounded extremely small.

“No. It tingles, sometimes, but that just started recently. It only happens when me and you are touching, somehow. Like when our hands brush against each other, or when I hug you.”

Killua flinched. “That- that could be anything.”

A wave of frustration washed over him. “That’s bullshit, Killua!” Gon snarled. “What’s it going to take to make you realize that we’re Soulma-”

“Don’t!” Killua barked. “Don’t! I can’t- don’t do this to me, Gon-”

“I’m not doing anything!” Gon wanted to burst into tears. His throat burned with an intensity that made it hard for him to breathe. “I don’t understand, why are you acting like this?!”

A horrible thought occurred to him and his blood turned to ice.

“Do you- do you not want to be my Soulmate? Is that it?”

Killua's mouth fell open. “What. No! No, that’s not-”

“Then just tell me why! If you just explain it to me, I-”

Ding-dong!

They both froze at the familiar ringing. Gon’s gaze locked with Killua’s for less than a heartbeat before Killua was lurching towards the treehouse window.

A pause.

Killua inhaled sharply and his hands turned into claws on the windowsill.

“K-Killua?” Gon stammered.

Killua whirled around, barely giving Gon more than a second to make out his terrorized expression, and then he was pushing past Gon to the stairs-

“No-” Gon tripped over his own feet trying to stand and missed grabbing his friend by several inches. Gon howled after him, “KILLUA!”

There was no response other than the pounding of Killua’s feet down the stairs.

Gon swore and stumbled upwards. He didn’t know who Killua had seen at his front door, but he couldn’t let him run out like that! He could already see Killua’s pale form streaking across his backyard towards the kitchen and Gon took off after him.

Killua reached the kitchen’s sliding glass door first. He disappeared into the house and Gon entered moments later.

He sprinted after Killua around the kitchen table, through the living room to where it merged with the front entrance-

And collided straight into the same person he was cashing.

“Ooof!”

Gon grabbed onto Killua’s arm to steady himself, then went still when he realized how stiff Killua was standing. “Killua, what-”

“Ah, there you are, Killu.”

Gon blinked at the unknown voice and looked towards the front door.

There stood a willowy male with shinning midnight-black hair. He wore a dull expression that lacked all emotion except in regard for one thing: the hungry way those bottomless eyes latched onto Killua’s petrified face.

Gon knew instantly who this was.

“Gon,” Aunt Mito said, voice carefully crafted into a casual tone. “This is Illumi Zoldyck, Killua’s older brother.”

Gon’s mouth was dry. He tightened his grip on Killua’s sleeve. “I know. Why is he here?”

“Gon! Don’t be so-”

Illumi interrupted impassively, “I am here to take Killua home. Our Mother is very upset. He must return with me at once.”

Take, or force? Gon clenched his jaw as hard as he could to stop himself from screaming. There was no way Killua could go with him.

Aunt Mito suggested, “Are you sure he can’t stay for dinner, at least? I’m making the most wonderful-”

“No, we really must be going. We have spent enough time in this place, so this has become something of an emergency measure. Killu, come here.”

Gon immediately pulled on Killua’s arm. No. No, Killua couldn’t go. Not now. Not after what they had just discovered.

He opened his mouth to tell Illumi just that-

“Okay,” Killua said quietly, voice shaking.

Gon’s words died in his throat. His fingers went slack and slipped off completely as Killua glided towards his brother, and away from Gon. It was a simple act, and within three steps Killua had crossed the parlor and was at Illumi’s side.

Gon wanted to do something- anything to stop Killua- but he couldn’t think of a single thing to say. Killua was choosing Illumi over Gon, he was leaving, and the shock of it all made his brain stutter to a standstill. Numbness spread to every corner of his body, immobilizing him. He couldn’t even move his feet to chase after his one and only best friend.

Gon stared blankly at Killua’s hunched back as Illumi guided his youngest brother to the door. Killua looked so small next to Illumi. But to Gon, he had always seemed larger than life.

Aunt Mito placed a gentle hand on Gon’s shoulder, but he barely registered the touch at all. He hadn’t even noticed that she had moved to his side. Together, they watched as Illumi opened their front door.

Illumi paused, looked down at the silent Killua, then back at the two Freecss.

“Well,” he said. “Goodbye.”

He held the door for Killua to pass through first, and Gon’s best friend did just that. Killua left without looking back, without breaking stride, without showing even a second of hesitation-

The door shut behind them with a tiny click, and then there was nothing.

Three seconds passed.

Aunt Mito let out a long breath. “I wonder what that was all about. Do you have any idea, Gon?”

Gon didn’t answer. His head was fuzzy. His ears were buzzing.

And the skin around his Mark stung like it had been struck by lightning.

He stood in a city he recognized, but didn’t. He knew the towering building in front of him was Heavens Arena, which streets had the best chocolate shops, where to find someone named Wing who wore wiry glasses and untucked shirts- all of this he knew instinctively, without ever being to this place in his life.

But he did know the boy standing in front of him, tanned hands clasped on Killua’s shoulders, gazing at him with eyes that shone like melted gold.

“Gon,” Killua choked out, chest tight. Gon’s answering smile was bright enough to rival the sun.

“Killua, I’m so happy! I’m so happy we found each other again!”

“Me too,” he answered without thinking. “I- I missed you.”

Gon’s breath hitched, but then he laughed brokenly. “Yeah, it was really horrible without you. Saying goodbye to you at the World Tree those years ago was the hardest thing I’ve ever done. And I never want to go through that again. I know we’re both different now, but-”

He held out one hand, the other still pressed into Killua’s pale skin, and offered his pinky.

“Will you promise me, Killua? That we’ll stay together this time?”

Killua wrapped his finger around Gon’s without hesitation.

“I promise.”

Gon’s grin widened as joy rushed into his eyes-

Killua blinked and suddenly, he was back in his bed, staring up at the ceiling through the darkness.

Killua swallowed with difficulty; his throat felt tight and raw. He dug the heels of his hands into his eyes to block out burning tears that threatened to spill down the sides of his face.

A dream. Even worse- it had been one of those dreams, the ones he’d been running from all his life.

He cursed, “Fuck.”

He wanted to scream into the black night until he couldn’t speak anymore. Because Gon-

Gon had been freakin’ right. About Killua’s dreams and Gon’s childhood and the possibility that they had lived another life- Gon had been right. About everything.

But the worst part was, none of that mattered. They were never going to see each other again. Killua couldn’t keep his promise from that lifetime ago. He had Alluka to worry about, and even now he could hear his parents moving around downstairs, preparing the house for tomorrow when they would leav-

“Killu,” came Illumi’s voice from the corner of his bedroom. “Did you dream again?”

He wasn’t at all surprised by his oldest brother’s presence. Killua simply nodded, hands still blocking his sight even though he wouldn’t be able to see anything in the dark anyway.

“What did you dream about this time?”

Gon’s dejected face from yesterday in the treehouse swam behind Killua’s closed eyes- the last expression Killua would ever see on his best and only friend.

He whispered:

“My Soulmate.”

“-on? Gon!”

Zushi’s voice jolted Gon out of his stupor. He blinked and found his friend looking at him with worried, brown eyes from across the table.

Zushi frowned at him. “Gon, are you okay? You just- you don’t look so good…”

“Eh? Oh, I’m okay.” He tried to smile but based on the expression on Zushi’s face, it came out more of a grimace than anything else.

Zushi leaned forward. “Are you sure? You’re having a hard time concentrating today. I don’t think you even watched the movie.”

Gon winced and took a large bite of his orange ice cream to avoid Zushi’s pressing gaze. He felt bad, but the truth was that he just didn’t want to be here. He had actually forgotten about the movie with Zushi until the shorter teen dragged him off on a different bus stop. If he had the option, he would be running back home right now.

Back to Killua.

“Gon?”

He shook himself. “I was spacing out again, wasn’t I? I’m sorry, Zushi.”

“Did something happen? You’re not normally like this.”

Gon stabbed his dessert with his spoon. He muttered, “I had a fight with Killua yesterday. It was pretty bad.”

He glanced up in time to see a strange look cross Zushi’s face. But it was gone before he could understand what it meant.

“You guys get into fights a lot, though,” Zushi said, tone casual.

“This was different. He got really mad at me this time.”

“I don’t get how you deal with him,” Zushi said with a shake of his head. “I only met him once, but he seemed kind of, well, mean. Uh- no offense! I know you two are close, so-”

Gon couldn’t help himself from laughing. “No, that’s okay! You’re right. Killua doesn’t deal well with strangers.”

“Except for you,” Zushi pointed out sullenly.

Gon paused. He had never thought about it before, but…

“Mm, that’s true.” He cupped his chin in one hand, watching his ice cream melt in its white bowl. “We skipped right over that part, for some reason. And Killua’s not always like that! You just have to get past his hard exterior to get to his softer side. You should’ve been there the night I brought him to the top of that cliff- Patch of Shore? You know it, right?”

Zushi nodded and Gon sighed wistfully at the memory.

He murmured, “Killua really loves the stars. I think he’d be an astronomer if his family let him have his way. The look on his face when he saw the sky there that night…it was like I had given him the most precious gift in the entire world.”

“And, yeah, Killua’s cold sometimes, but you should try giving him chocolate because that always makes him smile! He looks really, really amazing when he’s happy; his whole face lights up and his eyes look like they’re glowing. Or, even if you get the chance to see him when he’s asleep, he’s always so peaceful and he makes this little sighing noise-”

Gon stopped suddenly.

Zushi’s mouth had fallen open, and he was gaping at Gon. He looked like Gon had slapped him.

“W-what? What is it? Did I say something bad?” Gon stammered. Why did Zushi look so stricken?

Zushi shut his mouth, then swallowed. His voice was hoarse when he spoke, “You- the way you talk about him…what exactly is your relationship with Killua?”

Gon stared at him, then cast his gaze down to his wrist, where light blue zig-zag pattern of his Mark stood out in stark contrast to his tanned skin.

He clenched the hand of that arm into a tight fist. What was Killua to Gon? That was easy.

“Killua is my Soulmate,” Gon admitted lowly and Zushi sat back in shock.

“S-soulmates?!”

“Yeah. We just found out yesterday when we were talking about the Soulmate paper due for class, and Killua, he. He didn’t-”

Gon stopped, blinking furiously to hold back the water welling in his eyes. He took a deep breath before continuing, “Killua didn’t want to hear any of it. So we got into a fight, and he went home.”

Zushi was weirdly pale but he said in a steady tone, “If he fought you, how can you be so sure he’s your Soulmate?”

Gon frowned. The mere idea of that- Killua not being his Soulmate- it just sounded wrong.

“I know he is,” Gon said firmly and he rubbed his opposite thumb over his Mark. He was happy he had it. Killua had dreams, but Gon had a constant visual reminder that he had a Soulmate. He belonged to someone, and that person had turned out to be more beautifully imperfect and awe-inspiring then Gon could have ever hoped.

Killua and he belonged together, Gon was absolutely positive. He had never been so sure of anything in his entire life.

Killua knew it too. He had seen the truth with his own two eyes when he touched Gon’s Mark, and realized what his dreams meant the moment Gon had mentioned his childhood and Whale Street. But if Killua didn’t mind having Gon as a Soulmate like he claimed, why had he run away? What would scare him enough to leave Gon behind?

His family.

Gon’s blood ran cold. Of course. Killua had said it himself earlier in that same conversation: they have a lot of expectations for me, being the chosen child and all. The Soulmark is evidence that I don’t belong to them, that I have options beyond what they want from me.

Killua was terrified of what his family might do if they found out Gon was his Soulmate. It all made sense! Gon slumped in his seat, relieved. Killua didn’t hate Gon, he was just scared of his family. And this was actually good, because this was something Gon could fix. As long as he and Killua were legally recognized as Soulmates, Killua’s family couldn’t touch them. They could stay together, forever-

Bzzzz!

“Gon,” Zushi said suddenly. “That’s yours.”

Gon’s brow furrowed as he reached for the phone. No one usually called him unless it was an emergency. He pressed the green button as dread began to grow in his mind and said, “Hello?”

“Gon?” came the static sound of Aunt Mito’s voice. “Oh, thank god I got a hold of you!”

His stomach dropped. “What’s wrong? Are you hurt-?”

“No, it’s not me. I’m fine. Its- its Killua.”

The back of Gon’s neck prickled, as if in warning, and his hand tightened around the phone.

“What happened?”

Gon pelted down Whale Street so fast it looked like he was flying.

He flew past his own house and took a sharp turn in front of the Zoldyck’s front yard, sprinting up the walkway and porch steps so fast he nearly collided into the door.

Gon pounded his fist on the wooden door even as his other hand jammed into the doorbell over and over and over again. The combined sound was harsh, grating, impossible to ignore.

But no one answered.

“KILLUA!!!” Gon bellowed with all of his strength. “KILLUA! Open the door- please! Please, please, please, don’t do this, don’t-”

Gon’s mind whirled desperately. Think, Gon, think! There had to be a reason they weren’t opening the door! Killua’s family didn’t like Gon, maybe they were ignoring him on purpose?

He backpedaled and leaped over the porch railing to land on grass. The impact was jarring, but the pain didn’t stop him.

He scanned the upstairs and back windows quickly; all dark, all blinds closed.

And there was something else, something about the way the yard was totally silent except for his own loud panting. He strained his ears for paws scraping dirt, or a warning bark from Mike to make Gon stay away-

But again, there was nothing.

Heartbeat erratic in his chest, Gon pulled out his cellphone from his jacket pocket. He had to enter Killua’s number three times before he got the number right, and the answer he got was-

“Hello, the number you’ve reached is inactive. Please try calling again, or-”

Gon turned it off before he could hear the rest. He dialed twice more and got the same message.

Gon stared at the screen blankly, ears ringing, as a desperation washed over him.

No. No, no no no no no! No! This couldn’t be possible! Not so quickly! They had only found out yesterday-

Gon turned on his heel and tried the door again. This time he left all caution behind and yanked on the doorknob. It was locked. He tried kicking it in next, but the wood didn’t budge.

Gon’s chest heaved as he glared at the door. Sweat rolled down his forehead and he wiped it away angrily. There had to be something else. Something he was missing!

Then he saw the note sticking out underneath the door. Gon’s breath caught in his throat and his heart pounded.

He snatched the paper off the ground and held it to his eyes with hands that shook.

Movers,

Please remove all furniture immediately upon arrival and mail it back to its manufacturer, Kukuroo Mountain Industries, located in the Republic of Padokia. It need not be kept for the previous owners of this house as they will not be returning. In addition, take the remaining decorative wall paintings and-

The note slipped out of Gon’s numb fingers. It fell to the ground without making a sound, but to Gon, it might as well have been a bomb setting off.

-in another world where Ants run wild, in another lifetime where Hunters fight back, Killua Zoldyck collapses under trembling knees and slams his fists down to broken concrete, crying like his world has broken into a million pieces because of a friend lost to rage-

-but in this place, here and now, Gon Freecss was the one who crumbled, dropping to the ground as his legs gave out, and he screamed with enough force to make his voice shatter like glass.

The shriek echoed around the empty house with its empty yard and empty rooms. Gon screamed and screamed and screamed, but the sound would never reach the person it was intended for.

Because Killua Zoldyck was gone, disappearing with his family as suddenly as they had arrived. And Gon had no way of ever finding him again.