Chapter Text
The fluorescent lights in the cafe were starting to make Jungeun’s eyes ache. It was 1:00 am, and the barista started flipping chairs onto the tables. Jungeun realized that she had overstayed her welcome. She sighed, leaning back, and using both of her hands to brush her hair back. She had memorized a whole semester of notes and now all she could think about was how comfortable the bed would be. She stood up, packed her bag, picked up her helmet, and walked out the cafe saying her farewells to the barista. The walk to her motorcycle felt like a marathon, especially with the thought of sleep on her mind.
Jungeun swung her leg over her bike, the leather seat cold even through her jeans. She slid the helmet on to muffle the ambience of the world around her. With a sharp kick and a switch, the engine roared. It put Jungeun at ease, she scrolled through her playlists to pick the vibe for the ride home. She was in the mood for Chase Atlantic, once her music started playing, she was off.
The streets were empty, a blur of yellow streetlights and long shadows. For these twenty minutes, Jungeun wasn’t a student stressing over her exams. The wind whipped past her, sharp, and biting, but it felt nice since she was wearing short sleeves. This kept her awake just long enough to finally turn into her neighborhood. As she pulled into the driveway and killed the engine, the silence that followed felt heavy. She took off her helmet, looked around, and noticed a car parking outside on the curb that isn’t usually there. She looked up at the window of her apartment and could see her roommates' lights were on. Her heart sank, she could see two silhouettes, one of them belonging to her roommate, Jeong Jinsol.
Suddenly, the peace she had found driving home was gone just like that. Jungeun gripped her helmet a little tighter, her jaw setting into a hard line. She hadn’t even stepped inside yet, and she could already feel a headache coming. She let out a long, shaky sigh, got off the bike and headed inside the apartment lobby, to the elevator. Going up, it felt like the air in the elevator was starting to get heavy. The elevator chimed and the doors slid open and she was face to face with a stranger. She looked disheveled, adjusting her jacket that clearly didn’t fit her. She knew that jacket anywhere, it was hers that her roommate took months before, and just never gave it back to her. The air felt thick with the scent of Jinsoul’s signature perfume, one that Jungeun had asked her a thousand times not to spray in common areas.
The stranger didn’t look embarrassed to be caught. Instead she let out a sharp, impatient huff when she saw Jungeun. Even though Jungeun didn’t know her, this stranger did because of Jinsol. Jungeun’s cold gaze sweeping over the girl. They walk past each other, Jungeun leaving the elevator, and this not really stranger entering it.
“Now I see why Jinsoul hates you, always ruining the fun.” The girl said under her breath. The elevator doors closed and it was quiet again. Those words felt like a slap, it’s not like she was trying to be a “fun-killer”; she was just trying to survive finals weeks in a place she paid half the rent for.
She walked the few steps to her door gripping tighter to her helmet that her knuckles turned white. She didn’t bother using her key, she knew the door was unlocked, she pushed the door open.
The apartment was dimly lit, a warm glow spilling out from Jinsol’s half-closed bedroom door. The smell of floral perfume was even stronger, mixed with the faint, lingering scent of cigarette smoke that hitched a ride inside.
Jungeun hung her keys on the hooks, kicked off her shoes, and marched to the kitchen. She could see outside on the balcony, Jinsol. She leaned over the rail smoking a cigarette, wearing a hoodie that didn’t belong to her. She stood up and turned around, cigarette still in her mouth, and looked at Jungeun. She put out the cigarette in her ash tray, and opened the screen door, walking through closing both doors behind her. Her eyes landed on Junguen’s helmet, still clutched in her hand.
“You’re back late,” Jinsol said, her voice airy and unbothered, as if she didn’t have a stranger in here 5 minutes ago.
“And you’re still awake,” Jungeun replied, her voice dangerously cold. “Which is interesting considering the ‘no guest after midnight’ rule we both agreed to. I just ran into your ‘fun’ at the elevator, and my, did she have something interesting thing to say about me.”
Jungeun set her helmet down on the counter with a thud. “I’m working, Jinsol. I’m trying to finish a degree so I can actually do something with my life. I’m not bringing random people into our home to talk trash about my living habits.”
“Maybe that’s your problem,” Jinsoul countered, stepping closer, the scent of smoke and florals following her. “You’re so obsessed with your little highlighters and your schedules that you’ve forgotten how to actually live. You’re not my roommate, you’re just a ghost.”
Jinsol’s words hung in the air, sharper and more effective than Jinsol’s hookup’s comment. “A ghost.” Junguen felt a stinging heat behind her eyes that had nothing to do with the cafe’s fluorescent lights. She looked down at her hands, red and wind, chapped from the ride home, the weight on her back from the books. For a second, she felt exactly like what Jinsol called her. Invisible. Empty. Just a collection of high stress habits and rules.
She looked up at Jinsol, she didn’t yell. She didn’t have energy left to defend herself against someone who clearly didn’t understand.
“A ghost,” Jungeun scoffed, biting her bottom lip. “Right, well this ghost is going to sleep. Try to not let your next ‘fun’ walk off with another one of my jackets.”
She didn’t wait for Jinsol’s reaction. She picked up her helmet, the heavy plastic feeling like a weight she was forced to carry, and turned her back. She closed the door behind her, she didn’t turn on the light, she just leaned her back against the wood, sliding down until she hit the floor in the dark.
Outside, she could hear the faint sound of the balcony doors opening again. The smell of smoke drifted through the cracks, reminding her that even in her own room, she couldn’t truly escape.
—
The next morning, Jungeun was a blur of calculated movements. With how much she had prepared for the exams, she was ready. She didn’t look toward Jinsol’s door. She didn’t acknowledge the lingering mess in the kitchen. She just grabbed her keys off the hook, put on her shoes, and she was out. When Jinsol finally emerged, looking groggy and ready for some half baked comment. But Jungeun was nowhere to be found, no “good morning,” no reminders about the apartment being cleaned before she got home. Just the fading roar of an engine.
The ride to campus felt like a reset to Jungeun. The cold morning air against her skin was better than any caffeine, sharpening her senses until every gear shift felt like clockwork. By the time Junguen pulled into the parking lot, she wasn’t the “ghost” Jinsol had tried to haunt, she was a girl who knew her worth.
She killed the engine and pulled off her helmet, a stray bit of adrenaline making her chest feel light. She felt fresh, her mind clear of Jinsol’s smoke and insults. She had studied until her body couldn’t, she knew this exam was going to be easy.
She caught her reflection in the bike’s side mirror, cheeks flushed from the ride, eyes bright and focused.
“Okay, who are you and what did you do to my friend?” A voice called out.
Jungeun looked up to see Sooyoung in front of her, clutching two iced americanos and looking remarkably impressed. “You always look like you’re heading out to a funeral during exam days, but you look like you won the lottery.”
Jungeun smiled and laughed, a genuine one that felt good after the heavy silence of the apartment. She took the coffee Sooyoung got for her, the coldness felt good on her hands especially since she gripped onto the handles of her motorcycle. “I just realized I shouldn’t let Jinsol ruin my grades. I’m ready for this.”
“Ah, so it was Jinsol again.” Sooyoung grinned. “Let’s get this exam over with and celebrate with some drinks.” Jungeun let out a sigh, not a stressed one but one that made her feel happy.
—
The heavy door shut behind them, the sudden quiet of the hallway feeling almost heavy after two hours of bubbling and writing.
Junguen let out a breath she felt like she’s been holding since she parked her bike. Her shoulders finally dropped, the adrenaline had carried her through the morning. Starting to fade into a dull, heavy ache.
“It’s finally over.” Sooyoung groaned. “God, I felt like my fingers were about to fall out with how much I was writing.” Sooyoung leaned on Jungeun making it hard for the both of them to walk since there was added weight to Jungeun. This made Jungeun smile. But now that the exam is over, the reality of her life was starting to creep back in. The high of the exam was being replaced by the thought of that quiet, tense apartment waiting for her.
Sooyoung seemed to have read her mind. She stood up from Jungen’s shoulder and stopped walking. She turned to Jungeun, her expression becoming more serious. “Let’s go celebrate, you can sleep over at my place. It’s clean. No rules. No cigarettes. And, no Jinsol.”
Jungeun smiled at the thought of it. “Sounds fun, but I really want some food right about now.” Jungeun looked down and rubbed her stomach. Both of them bursted out laughing.
They were both halfway to the parking lot. Just talking, Jungeun was looking at Sooyoung, and as she was about to say something she stopped. Her heart did a strange, uncomfortable flip in her chest.
At the building behind Sooyoung, leaning on one of the pillars with a group of people, Jungeun recognized Jinsol. She looked out of place in the academic setting, too cool, too relaxed, and laughing at something one of her friends said. She wasn’t studying. She was just carrying a bag. She was just there. Sooyoung noticed this change in Junguen’s face, she turned around and saw what Jungeun was looking at.
“Jinsol…” Sooyoung said under her breath.
Jinsol’s eyes swept across the campus and locked onto Jungeun. Her laughter died down into a small, knowing smirk. She didn’t wave, but she didn’t look away either. She turned to her friends and walked away from them and towards Jungeun and Sooyoung.
“I didn’t think you’d still be here. I figured you’d be back at the apartment already, bleaching the counters or something.”
Jungeun’s grip tightened on her helmet. The “fresh” feeling from the morning started to curdle.
“Some of us actually have things to do on campus, Jinsol,” Jungeun replied, her voice steady despite the annoyance bubbling up.
Jinsol stopped a few feet away, her gaze flickering to Sooyoung and then back to Jungeun. “Right, the big exam.” Jinsol stared at Jungeun waiting for an answer. Jungeun bit her bottom lip and smiled. Before she was going to say anything, Sooyoung stepped in.
“Yeah, and Jungeun aced it and I’m treating her to food and drinks.” Sooyoung wrapped her arm around Jungeun. The sight of this ticked off Jinsol.
“Wow, Kim Jungeun, drinking? Quite the surprise, since you never drink.” Jinsol crossed her arms.
“I’m not coming home tonight. Order yourself something to eat since I can’t cook for you.” Jungeun said coldly. Jinsol was taken aback by this, Jungeun hates delivery food since it’s not fresh and it would be too greasy sometimes.
It was getting awkward and heated between these two. Sooyoung stepped in again. “Okay Jungeun, we gotta go before the restaurant gets full.” She pushed Jungeun towards the parking lot. Jinsol watched them walk away, she rolled her eyes and turned back to her friends.
The silence between Jungeun and Sooyoung lasted only until they were out of Jinsol’s earshot. Once they entered the parking lot, Jungeun let out a sharped, jagged exhale.
“The nerve of her,” Sooyoung hissed. “Bleaching the counters? Does she think she’s living in a hotel? I swear Jungeun, I don’t know how you haven’t snapped and locked her out yet.”
Jungeun didn’t answer immediately. She was busy fumbling with her helmet, her fingers a little unsteady. The image of Jinsol’s smirk was burned into the back of her eyelids. “She just knows exactly what to say to make me feel like I’m the one being difficult. It’s her specialty.”
“Well at least you’re away from her for the day.” Sooyoung placed her hand on Jungeun’s shoulder. “The look on her face when you told her to order delivery, that was pretty funny.”
Jungeun swung her leg over her bike. “Yeah, we never order take out because I always do the cooking.” Jungeun smiled and put on her helmet buckling it. “I’m tired of being the only one who cares about how we live.” She said under her breath. She turned the key, and the engine roared to life beneath her.
“Meet you there?” Sooyoung shouted over the noise.
“I’ll follow you.” Jungeun shouted back leaning into Sooyoung so she could hear her.
Jungeun pulled down her visor. Through the tinted plastic, the world looked cooler, sharper, and much further away from the girl leaning against the pillar. She kicked the bike into gear and followed Sooyoung out, the wind catching her shirt and whisking away the faint, clinging of Jinsol.
—
Jungeun killed the engine and hopped off, the silence of the alley feeling much friendlier than the silence of her apartment.
“Remember, it’s on me.” Sooyoung said, already heading for the door with a determined look on her face.
Jungeun laughed, following her inside. The restaurant was warm and loud, filled with the clinking of metal spoons and the chatter of the people dining there. The server took them to their table, a small corner table. The atmosphere felt more like home than Jungeun’s actual living room had felt in weeks.
As they sat down, Sooyoung leaned across the table, her eyes scanning the menu but her mind clearly elsewhere. “You think your apartment is going to be ten times more messy when you come back?” Sooyoung said jokingly.
“I’m just…tired of the routine, Sooyoung. I’m tired of coming home to a mess and being expected to fix it like it’s my job. If she says that I’m a ghost, then she can have one for tonight.” The server arrived dropping off the small side dishes and their water.
Well tonight, you’re a ghost to her, but a VIP to me,” Sooyoung said, raising her water cup in a mock toast. “To acing the exam and showing Jinsol who’s boss!”
Jungeun clinked her cup against Sooyoung’s, a small, genuine smile finally settling on her face. For the first time all day, her chest didn’t feel tight. The food was coming, the apartment was miles away and for one night, Jinsol wasn’t her problem to solve.
—
The neon signs of the city blurred into long, jagged streaks of light against the window of her car. Usually the hum of the city energized Jinsol, but tonight, every red light felt like a personal insult.
“I’m not coming home tonight.”
It was a simple sentence, but it hit her like a truck. Jinsol was used to being the one who left. She was the one who stayed out late, one who didn’t care, the one who lived on the surface. Jungeun was the constant anchor, who was always there to be annoyed, always there to be the adult.
The elevator ride up was silent, the hum of the machinery feeling loud in Jinsol’s ears. When she pushed the door open, she was just expecting Jungeun to be in the kitchen doing school work. It was pitch black. The apartment felt terrifyingly still. The air felt thin, domestic sounds that usually defined the space–the clinking of a mug, the turning of a page, Jinsol didn’t feel like the “cool” roommate who didn’t care about chores. She felt like an intruder in a museum
She tossed her keys on one of the hooks. The sound of the clack echoed, making her flinch.
She thought about her last relationship , the one that had turned her into this mess from the beginning. Since then, Jinsol had treated relationships like a game of tag, she’d get close enough to touch, then run away before anyone could catch her. It was safer to be the messy roommate than the vulnerable girl. If she kept Jungeun at arm’s length with smoke and insults, she couldn’t get hurt when Jungeun eventually realized Jinsol wasn’t worth the trouble.
But Junguen didn’t move back, she moved on for the night.
Jinsoul walked over to the kitchen, her hand hovering the stove. Jinsoul scoffed and ruffled her hand through her hair, ”She really didn’t come home.” She walked over to the couch and threw her phone onto it along with herself. “Order yourself something to eat” Jinsol repeated Jungeun’s words. It’s not that Jinsol hated delivery, but eating something lukewarm, and not fresh wasn’t what Jinsol wanted. She liked Jungeun’s home cooked meals.
She picked up her phone, looking at the empty chat thread between them. She wanted to text something pity, just to see the typing bubbles appear. Just to know Jungeun was still on the other end of the line.
The silence in the apartment was a heavy weight, pressing on her chest. She had spent so long trying to make sure Jungeun didn’t get too close that she hadn’t realized she accidentally pushed her all the way out the door.
Jinsol leaned her head back, closed her eyes, the dimly lit apartment feeling much too big for just one person.
—
The food was exactly what Jungeun needed. The heat from the spicy food and the constant, easy flow of Sooyoung’s chatter had acted like a physical barrier, pushing the memory of Jinsol’s smirk further and further into the back of her mind.
Sooyoung paid for their bill. As they stepped out onto the sidewalk, the night air felt crisp and cooling against Jungeun’s skin. She felt full, tired, and for the first time in weeks, relaxed.
“Wait right here,” Sooyoung said suddenly, her eyes lighting up as she spotted the bright neon glow of the convenience store next door.
“Sooyoung, wait, I can’t eat anymore, I’m about to explode.” Jungeun protested, leaning back against the wall of the restaurant.
“Who said anything about eating?” Sooyoung shot her mischievous grin and disappeared through the sliding glass doors before Junguen could argue.
Jungeun stayed put, watching the passerby. She pulled her phone out of her pocket, her thumb hovering over the screen. No notifications. A part of her expected a load of messages like “Where is this?” or “Did you make anything to eat?” from Jinsol, but there was nothing. The silence from her roommate was almost more unsettling than the nagging.
The bell above the convenience store door chimed, and Sooyoung emerged looking triumphant. She was clutching a plastic bag that clinked with the distinct, heavy sound of glass hitting glass.
“Tonight,” Sooyoung announced, holding the bag up like a trophy, “we are following through on our promises. I told her you were drinking, so we are drinking. I got the best soju flavors and some drinks to kill the hangover in the morning, because I’m a responsible person.”
Jungeun looked at the bag, then back at her friend’s beaming face. A small, rebellious spark lit up in her chest. Jinsol thought she knew Jungeun, thought she was the boring roommate who focuses on her classes. She sighed
“Fine,” Jungeun said, a playful challenge in her voice as she pushed herself off the wall.
Sooyoung laughed, swinging the bag. “Now let's go to my apartment before I lose my nerve and drink these in the parking lot.”
—
Sooyoung’s apartment was the complete opposite. A comfortable clutter, it felt like a sanctuary. At the coffee table in the living room, Sooyoung sat legs crossed on the floor, Jungeun following after. Sooyoung popped the caps off the bottles with practiced ease.
“Don’t look at it like it’s a chemistry experiment,” Sooyoung teased, handing a glass to Jungeun. “It’s just a drink. If you hate it, we stop. Simple.”
Jungeun took the glass, her fingers grazing the cold sensation. She was nervous, partly because she liked being in control, and partly because Jinsol’s voice was still echoing in her head, mocking the idea of her doing this. She took a small, tentative sip. It was sharp, sparking a heat in her throat that she wasn’t expecting, but then settled into a dull, pleasant hum.
“Not bad?” Sooyoung asked, watching her closely.
“Not bad.” Jungeun admitted, her shoulders finally dropping.
—
The hum had turned into a full blown glow. The edges of the room felt softer, and the weight of the exams. Jungeun was currently sprawled on Sooyoung’s rug, staring at the ceiling and laughing at a story she couldn’t remember the beginning of. Sooyoung was knocked out on her couch.
The alcohol had stripped away Jungeun’s filters. The anger was still there, but beneath it was a messy tangled knot of longing that she usually kept locked behind her perfect roommate facade. Before her brain could catch up with her hands, she had her phone out, her thumb hitting the call button.
The phone rang once. Twice. Jungeun’s heart was hammering against her ribs, louder than the music playing in the background. She expected it to go into voicemail.
“Jungeun?” Jinsol’s voice was low, sounding clear and perhaps a little bit or worriness.
“You’re still awake,” Jungeun said, she let out a shaky dry laugh. “I bet the kitchen is a disaster. I bet you haven’t moved a single plate.”
There was a long pause on the other end. “You actually drank.”
“I’m celebrating,” Jungeun corrected, “You said I never drink, well here I am now, drinking. And I’m not cleaning up after you tonight. Or tomorrow. Maybe never.”
Her voice cracked on the last word. The boldness was slipping, revealing the hurt she’s been carrying all week. “Why are you like this Jinsol? I just wanted…I just wanted the apartment to feel like home.”
On the other side of the line, in the quiet dark apartment, Jinsol’s breath hitched. She was standing in the kitchen, surrounded by the silence she thought she wanted, clutching her phone like a lifeline.
“Jungeun,” Jinsol said softly, her voice cracking. “I’m sorry.” The words felt heavy on Jinsol’s tongue, unfamiliar but necessary. “I just finished cleaning the kitchen. I’m sorry for the mess.”
She waited, her heart was pounding painfully in silence, desperate to know if Jungeun heard her. But there was no immediate answer, no sigh, no relief. Instead she heard Jungeun’s soft sigh. The alcohol and the exhaustion of the exams had finally won. Jungeun had fallen asleep with the phone still pressed to her ear.
Jinsol didn’t hang up. She was listening to the quiet puffs of breath from the other end.
“I’m sorry I’m so scared of you.” Jinsol added, her voice barely audible even to herself
She stayed on the line acting as a silent guardian through the speaker, finally facing the reality she’d been running from. The apartment wasn’t home because of the furniture or the cleanliness. It was home because Jungeun was in it, and Jinsol had spent the whole night realizing how cold it was without her.