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Due to the nature of the IMF, no mission could truly be considered simple or easy. If the mission was simple or easy, they would have given it to someone else. However, there were only so many ways to end the world, so - after long enough in the field - you could begin to call certain missions routine.
Their current mission had - at first - seemed like just that. Routine and, dare he say it, predictable. It was a smash and grab mission: a black-market lab hidden in an abandoned warehouse in an out of the way industrial district in Vladivostok, Russia that was creating a new bioweapon. The warehouse was far enough from downtown in an area people knew not to linger in so they didn’t have to worry as much about civilians getting caught in the crossfire if things went sideways. Intel was good, they had a layout of the warehouse, and a solid understanding of the security forces. It was even going to be a nice summer night, nixing the need for heavy winter clothes that might make it difficult for Ethan to climb or maneuver.
The only catch so far was the objective itself, if Brandt’s stilted voice over the phone was anything to go by. The fact that Brandt had called at all sent alarm bells off in Ethan’s head. The mission had come to him in the usual fare of an anonymous currier and a vhs tape, followed by a text from Benji to confirm he got the assignment too. Ever since Ethan learned that Benji had passed his field exam, he had made sure that the once tech would only be placed on missions with Ethan. It had taken a lot of underhanded moves; using up a few favours and blackmail material that Ethan had been keeping in his back pocket for a while. It was an uncomfortably revealing move, but one that Ethan knew was mandatory. Benji was a good agent, a brilliant tech and a skilled field operative, and he was more than capable of working well with any agent under the IMF’s purview, but Ethan knew that Benji worked a little bit differently than most people and that had its complications. From mission plans to tech designs, Benji was always just a little bit unexpected. A little bit to the left and moving further away faster than most others could keep up with. It was why they worked so well together. Ethan excelled in finding the least expected option and taking three steps past that and Benji excelled in matching him step for step, already equipped with exactly what he needed to pull it off before he even needed to ask. Selfishly, Ethan wanted to keep that for himself, wanted to keep that brilliance and breathtaking familiarity for himself. He wanted Benji’s voice in his ear, chatting away and keeping the tension from coiling up his spine with his playful observations and light hearted ribbing. He wanted to keep Benji close and safe. Within arms reach, even if he would only allow himself to reach out and linger in his touch for a moment before forcing himself away and back into safer waters.
“The lab is highly experimental, but we have reason to believe that they have a successful beta result and are about to move to field tests. It’s non-lethal but highly potent so be sure to-”
“Brandt.” Ethan cut him off after a solid minute of rambling about details that had already been included in the debrief. He was circling something, Ethan could tell, and every word that didn’t tell Ethan exactly what the issue was put him less and less at ease. “Get to the point. Please.”
“It’s a sex drug.” Brandt burst out after a second of silence.
Ethan was struck speechless. Surely- surely not. Surely he heard him wrong.
“Come again?” He forced himself to say, voice strained and disbelieving even to his own ears.
Brandt sighed and Ethan could picture him with his head in his hands in his lofty office at headquarters. Surrounded by stacks of papers that would soon have more black lines than actual text, and about to explain to Ethan about a black-market Russian sex drug bioweapon.
“Look,” He said, voice strained, “I’m not in the science department for a reason, but as far as I can understand it overloads your sex drive. Like, to the point of pain if you don’t get it out of your system. They’re planning to use it in blackmail cases mostly, but no one wants them to get the bright idea to try and spray it at a field of soldiers. So please just… make sure you get it out of there? Please?”
Ethan had to pause a long moment at that. The idea of it was ridiculous, nonsensical, and so invasive that it made his skin crawl. The debrief mentioned human testing having already been completed and Ethan had to very quickly stop thinking about that before he punched something. Focus on the mission, make a plan, make sure no one had to suffer from this again.
It was a two-person, smash and grab stealth mission: in and out with the biohazard prototype and a download of the formula and torching everything on their way out. The infiltration looked like a straightforward case of cutting the security feeds - which could be done from the van beforehand - and avoiding the guards to get to the payloads. The only issue was that the hard drive wasn’t connected to any wider network, so infiltration of the system would have to be done manually at the main system. Ethan could get to the locked down lab easily enough with an incapacitated guard or two, which would let Benji open the door and get to the computer-
Oh god, Benji was going to have to be in the field for this one.
Ethan’s brain once again spiraled down a dark tangent, terrified at Benji being so close to such a vile thing. Shuddering around the memories of fellow agents after honey traps gone wrong and missions gone south in the worst way. Picturing Benji shuddering and in pain, tears in his eyes and he flinched away from Ethan. Feeling the betrayal of him letting that happen, of not saving Benji from yet another hurt that would cut him deep and refuse to heal clean.
“Does Benji know about this?” Ethan made himself ask. Benji refused to receive missions via the regular self-destructing methods, claiming that if he was going to be risking life and limb for the IMF they could do him the favour of calling him like normal people instead of destroying his disk player again. Apparently the first time Benji got a mission since passing his field exam he had been a second too late to retrieve the disk and it had completely ruined his very expensive home system, something that he had complained about throughout the entirety of the next month.
Though Benji had never turned down a mission, something that kept Ethan up at night as much as he respected it, surely he wouldn’t agree to this if he knew. Ethan could live with a different agent standing in on this mission, he decided, if it meant that Benji stayed far away from the awful lab and its bioweapon.
“Of course.” Brandt sounded offended at the idea that he would send anyone out without being properly briefed in full. “A member of the science department got the honor of explaining it to him - thank god - so he’s probably got an even better idea of the risks than you.”
“And he agreed.” Ethan said, not that it was a question, he had already gotten the text to confirm. And Benji - stubborn, beautiful Benji who had gone against world powers for Ethan before, yelled at him for trying to push him away and back to safety - hadn’t called him to let him know he had changed his mind.
“Yeah, of course.” Came Brandt’s voice, now further away from the phone, like he was leaning back in his chair. “You two are kinda a package deal. But listen, I gotta go. Just… get this thing done and try not to get dosed, yeah? I don’t want to have to come up with a new form for sex drug incidents."
Brandt hung up without a goodbye, not that Ethan minded. Will had become something of a friend since their first meeting, and Ethan knew him well enough by now to know that he preferred to show that friendship through his actions, put off of voicing anything too vulnerable like most agents tended to. Besides, Ethan was too busy reeling at the flood that had overtaken his mind from the short conversation. Fear warred with discipline in his mind at the stakes this mission unexpectedly presented. And through it, he kept circling back to what Brandt had said.
They were a package deal.
It was true, and Ethan wasn’t so stupid to believe that people wouldn’t notice his attachment to the red head, especially after he ensured that Benji and him would only be sent on missions together. But it was more than that, he had done the same with Luther once upon a time and no one had said it in such a tone of voice. With Luther, people understood that the tether Ethan had wrapped them together with was a bond of brotherly love, deep and unconditional in a way that could only be forged by years of having each other's backs when things got bad. With Benji, there was the same deep trust and understanding, the same years of learning how to communicate without words and how to pick up the slack when the other faltered. They were a well worn dynamic built from the same unconditional care, but with a tread of something tense that Ethan shied away from naming running through it. Ethan didn’t linger around people like he did with Benji. He didn’t reach out nearly pathologically, only to reel himself back when he caught the tremble in his hand. Tidbits of information that had been offered up throughout the years were hoarded jealousy, wanting to know everything there was to know about his friend. He felt safe with Benji, he felt understood in a way he wasn’t used to. Was half terrified by, even as he yearned for it desperately. He felt like he could hang his mask up at the door when it was just the two of them, content to let Benji see what lay behind the perfect spy that the IMF had crafted out of blood and tragedy, even if he himself didn’t know what was there to be found. Benji would always just look at him in those quiet moments and smile gently, sensing the vulnerability he could never quite hide, and reach out with a med pack or a cup of tea or a protein bar. Somehow always knowing what Ethan needed, even when he himself was lost.
This mission was dangerous, its consequences disastrous. The biohazard that they had created in the dark underbelly of an industrial district was visceral and repulsive. Ethan would do whatever it took to keep Benji as far away from it as possible.
He ignored the treacherous voice in his head that whispered about the possibility of Benji, eyes dark and filled with lust directed solely at Ethan. Flushed and panting and out of his mind with want. Seeking satisfaction that only Ethan could give him, taking it from his body with a mad hunger, leaving him well used and worn out and so, so satisfied because of it.
Ethan shook his head, stomach plummeting in disgust at himself for finding the possibility of drugged Benji attractive. Squaring his shoulders, he put away the phone that he had been holding frozen up to his ear even after the screen went dark, and made his way to the tech lab to go find his mission partner.
They had a mission to get ready for, and Ethan was determined to be as prepared as possible.
—
“Okay, cameras are looped. I’ve routed the actual feeds through this so we should hopefully have some heads up if anything happens.” Benji held up the tablet he had slung around his middle, displaying footage of the warehouse. Ethan noted the videos of the guards stationed around the exits and the emptying lab areas and nodded in approval.
They were stationed in a nondescript black van three blocks over from the offending warehouse, Ethan having tagged one of the exterior cameras with a bug on his cursory walk-by earlier in the morning. For as advanced and locked down as the lab was there wasn’t a system in the world that wouldn’t bend to Benjamin Dunn’s clever mind and the two of them spent the rest of the day chatting on and off about the mission as they double checked their intel with what they could see from the security feeds that Benji had pulled up on the wall of cameras on the left side of the van. Everything was lining up cleanly so far, and they had allowed themselves to tangent off into lighthearted conversation easily as they passed the time. They had spent the entirety of lunch bickering about whether or not the Mona Lisa was truly da Vinci’s best work over the sandwiches that Benji had brought. Benji knew precious little about art - more of an opera expert - but was nothing if not indulgent with Ethan’s interests. Ever since Ethan had made an offhanded comment about wishing he could spend more time in an art gallery they had a mission in, he had casually brought up art more and more frequently, letting Ethan ramble to his heart's content about obscure artists and his favourite pieces. In turn, Ethan had tried to ply Benji for more rants about video games or whatever new exhibit was going up in the museum near his flat or any other of the myriad interests he kept when not saving the world. Sitting across from Benji in the cramped van, knees knocking together as they gestured enthusiastically with their sandwiches and talking in circles about everything and nothing, Ethan couldn’t stop the helpless grin that stretched across his face. It was moments like this that he clung onto like a lifeline, replaying them on repeat in his mind in the quiet moments after missions as he watched Benji walk away for his debrief. It was difficult sometimes, to come back down to earth after a mission. The two of them were basically attached at the hip during most missions, sharing meals and sometimes even beds. After days spent with heads always bent together over intel and moving around each other naturally, it was hard to see Benji walk away from him and know that he wasn’t going to be returning to his side in the next minute.
Where he belonged, Ethan’s mind whispered.
“Mic check.” Ethan willed himself to focus in, he would not allow himself to lose focus on a mission with such disastrous stakes.
“Loud and clear.” Benji’s voice doubled up and wrapped around him. He shot him a quick smile and gave his harness a cursory tug to make sure it was snug. A hand reached out and swatted his own away, Benji giving his own tug to test the fit and readjusted slightly. The light brush of Benji’s hands against his chest tingled even though there was no way he would actually be able to feel anything.
“You’ve got some climbing caulk in your right rib pocket. The knife in the left is quick release so be sure to watch it if you do end up climbing.”
“I’m not planning on climbing anything.” Ethan said under his breath, eyes tracking Benji’s hands as they lingered at his ribs to check the release latch on the knife.
“And yet,” Benji’s hands pulled away as he chuckled and Ethan had to make sure he kept himself still so that he wouldn’t lean forward to chase them. “You always end up finding something ungodly tall to climb and giving me a heart attack.”
“The warehouse is only two stories.” Ethan quipped back, telling himself it wasn’t to keep Benji close to him longer, looking at him fondly longer.
“I’ve learned not to doubt your ability.” Was the line Benji left him with before reaching forward and opening the door, breaking the lighthearted air that the stakeout van had sheltered them in.
Onward into the fray.
The two of them split up as they hopped out of the van, taking diverging paths so they could pincer in on the southern door guards since they were the furthest away from the rest of the pairs. Ethan tucked his glove clad hands into the pockets of the leather jacket that he had thrown on, hunching over and walking quickly. While the gun holster might not have raised too many eyebrows in this part of town, the tactical harness certainly would have, and the black fabric allowed him to blend into the shadows of the looming buildings easier.
It was a quick walk to the south entrance, Ethan staying close to the wall and eyeing the pair of guards inattentively smoking under the flickering red light of the exit sign, slowing his gate as he waited for Benji to give him the signal that he was in position.
“3,”
Benji’s voice whispered in Ethan’s ears, the low tone curling around in his head and caressing shivers down his spine. Ethan was an old hand at ignoring the reactions that voice could have on him and focused on the quickly closing distance between himself and the leftmost guard. Closing his hand around the taser hidden in his pocket and matching his steps to Benji’s timing.
“2,”
His eyes caught a shadow moving on the other side of the guards for a half second. He had gotten better at stealth since he first passed his field exam, not that Ethan ever doubted him. Benji took to everything field related with a passion and drive that had on more than one occasion given Ethan a new appreciation of whatever skill he had put his mind to.
Taking out the taser, he eyed his guard, watching him take a drag on his cigarette and lean his head back against the wall, exposing his neck. Perfect.
“1.”
In sync, the two guards seized up and shook with matching muffled chokes as the tasers were shoved into their necks. Ethan supported the dead weight of the now unconscious guard, keeping an eye out as Benji dug into his own guards pocket for the doors key card. Waiting until he gave a nod of approval after a peek through the cracked door to pull it open and drag the guards inside.
“Not bad, eh?” Benji asked, sighing as he deposited the weight of the guard unceremoniously on the floor.
“Not bad at all.” Ethan gave a quick pat to his partner's shoulder as he eyed their surroundings.
They were in a tight corridor strewn with trash and discarded boxes overflowing with wires and vials that blocked two unused side doors and funneled towards the door at the end of the hall. The harsh fluorescent lights leaving them uncomfortably visible in the tight hallway. Luckily they didn’t have to linger long as Benji double checked the cameras and nodded at Ethan to confirm that the lab was empty.
The interior of the lab was much the same as the south exit hallway, only with more space for the thoughtless clutter to sprawl out. Medical equipment was stacked on top of each other in messy groupings with no clear organization, the occasional abandoned weapon adding to the dangerous disarray. The unbalanced stacks cast harsh shadows on the floor of the lab, reinforcing the claustrophobic and unwelcoming feeling of the place. Ethan knew from the building layout that they could stick to the back wall and find a steep staircase that would lead to the cold storage and computers that would hold their information and the bioweapon. He didn’t want to waste any time in the storage space that made up the whole first floor, too many blind corners making Ethan paranoid and on edge.
Benji let him lead the way, keeping his eyes on the tablet to ensure the guards at the other entrances stayed put. Ethan watching the interior, Benji watching the exterior; both covering each other and all parts of the mission until nothing was left up to chance. The perfect team, and Ethan let the warm feeling of possessive pride bubbling under his ribs push him forward, his hands steady on the gun he led with.
The second floor of the lab was the complete opposite of the first floor, taking all the cramped walking paths and obscuring shadows and turning them into a sparse, wide open space. No shadows or cover to hide behind. Two entrances on the opposite sides of the room leading down to the main floor. Agoraphobic instead of claustrophobic; no less of a liability. He let Benji pull him towards a computer set up on the north wall of the lab, the closest one to the preform metal storage container that they knew was the cold storage containing the bioweapon samples. Nothing to do but keep an eye out as Benji plugged the tablet into the computer and started on the no doubt complicated firewalls he would no doubt breeze through easily in order to let Ethan into the cold storage and let himself into their files.
There were very few times during missions that Ethan would consider himself calm. He had seen the simplest missions go south in fractions of seconds, knew that it only took a single glance away for a knife to slip through your ribs, but there were times when he felt his head clear of the swirling worries that nipped at his heels. Benji hadn’t necessarily been wrong when he said that Ethan often found himself scaling the nearest tall object - not that he went out of his way to do so, it was truly subconscious, he swore. It was just that whenever he was climbing - or running - his brain could narrow in on the function of body instead of the stress of the situation he was in. In those moments his brain could settle into the speed and pounding of his feet against the pavement or the next handhold instead of all of the ways he could fail.
And here, watching over Benji as he did what he did best, the weight of the gun in his hand and the duty of overwatch grounding him. It was times like this where his brain didn’t just allow him to forget the mission temporarily, but instead the weight of the mission went from crushing as it settled on his shoulder to poised and stable. Less like a burden he couldn’t lift and more like the well fitted collar of a guard dog. A badge of capability because here the mission went from the overwhelming task of protecting untold innocents from a bioweapon to protecting Benji from any unexpected guards. Protecting Benji he could do, he could throw himself wholeheartedly into. He didn’t have to worry about each and every detail as a team leader, he just had to defer to Benji and place his trust and actions - as he so often did - into his capable hands.
“Got it.” Benji’s words were punctuated with the door to the cold storage sliding open with a hiss and a cloud of smoke that curled around his ankles. “The door to the containment unit should be open as well. I’ve already started the download.”
Ethan nodded once at the instructions, giving the floor another cursory glance before ducking into the small room. The interior was all stark white walls and polished steel equipment, the chill seeping into every corner of the room and giving the feeling that it was trying to push Ethan out on its own. In the center of the room was a cylindrical glass case with a single air sealed door protecting the four thin vials of sludgy pink liquid held in two sets of double burette holders. Ethan took care to not jostle the vials too much as he moved them from their holders to the cushioned bag strapped to his thigh, even though he knew that there was no risk of the corks coming undone. He knew that the drug required skin contact to have an effect, which was what the leather gloves were for, and the cushion of the bag and of the thick fabric of his pants would keep him safe long enough to strip everything off if the worst did happen.
As the final vial slid into the bag, Benji switched from his completed download to the camera feeds, just in time to see the guards from the west entrance open the south exit and discover the unconscious bodies of the two guards slumped in the hallway and shout into their walkie-talkies.
A panicked call of his name was the only warning Ethan got before an alarm rang out, loud and shrill throughout the lab. Letting them know their cover was thoroughly blown.
Bursting out of the cold storage, Ethan had enough time to grab Benji and start hauling him towards the north stairwell before two guards popped up from the south stairwell and opened fire into the lab. Their aim was uncoordinated, clearly more out of pure reaction than an actual targeted attack, and the bullets whizzed past them to clang noisily against the metal wall of the cold storage. They both ducked slightly as they sprinted towards the stairwell, Ethan letting Benji take the lead this time as he laid cover fire, catching one of the guards in the stomach as two more popped up behind them. Bullets rained down above their heads as they ducked into the north stairwell. Stomping as fast as they could downward, a shout ahead of them drew Ethan's attention away from the landing they just fled from in time to watch Benji land a bullet between the eyes of a guard that had rounded the corner. The second guard was quick behind the first and was taken out by a bullet from Ethan’s gun over Benji’s shoulder not a second after Benji’s bullet found its mark.
The guards behind them caught up to them as they jumped over the bodies and started sprinting towards the north entrance, bullets whizzing past them in a hail of close calls. Ethan distantly registered the sound of shattering glass as he opened fire on the metal doors, shattering the lock before he and Benji slammed into it and forced it open. Bursting out into the night, Benji pulled a grenade from his hip and tossed it behind them as they sprinted towards the van. The explosion pushed a wave of fiery warmth and cacophonous sound at their backs as it took out a structural wall of the warehouse, causing it to cave in on itself. The explosion must have caught most of the guards, and they managed to dispatch the last five hangers-on on the sprint back to the van, allowing them to speed away not under a hail of gunfire for once.
Benji had managed to find himself in the driver's seat and Ethan took a moment to breath and take stock of himself. He hadn’t felt the pain of a bullet wound, but in the adrenaline of the moment, you could never really tell.
Working from his head down, Ethan ran a hand through his hair to check for any blood. He hadn’t seen what had caused the glass shattering sound as they escaped, so he made sure to check for any glass from medical equipment that might have caught in his hair or clothes. It had been a while since his last haircut, he noted distantly as he pulled open his jacket to check for blood, it had already gotten down to his jawline. No blood to be seen on the light grey t-shirt, Ethan moved down to his legs. The black fabric wasn’t torn anywhere he could find, but his glove came away sticky when it trailed over his thigh. Brow furrowed, Ethan brought his hand up to his face to examine it closer in the light of passing streetlights. His gloves had an oily sheen to them when he rubbed his fingers together, a thin strand of viscous pink liquid stretching and breaking between his fingers as he pulled them apart.
Ethan's heart hammered against his ribs.
As quickly as he could, Ethan unclipped the bag from around his thigh, finally noticing the bullet hole that had torn it open on one side, shattering two of the four vials, allowing the pink liquid to spray out. Cursing, Ethan just about ripped his pants off, making sure not to touch his skin with his drug covered gloves. Throwing it all into the back with perhaps not as much care as he should have given to the last two intact vials, Ethan ran his bare hands against his legs to check for any of the pink staining that would alert him that he had been drugged.
There wasn’t any, thank god, just the unblemished pale skin of his now bare legs. Letting out a large breath, Ethan thumped his head back against the headrest, throwing a silent thanks up to the van ceiling.
Turning his head towards Benji to make some joke about saving Brandt from having to come up with a new incident form, his eyes caught on the pale skin of his hands against the wheel in the passing light of a streetlamp. Taking in the white of his knuckles as he gripped the wheel and the large splatter of oily pink on his wrist.
If Ethan’s heart had kicked into overdrive before, now he felt it halt to a stop. Horror overtaking him as he took it all in, hoping against hope that he would blink and realize it was all a trick of the light.
“I’ve been dosed.” Benji’s voice was hard and strained, his eyes staying resolutely ahead as he pushed the pedal down and sped towards their safehouse.
For a moment, Ethan couldn’t say anything, feeling like he had stopped breathing entirely as he stared open mouthed at the pink stain on Benji’s hand. His chest felt like it was caving in. This was the worst case scenario, the thing he had feared and prayed wouldn’t happen. Please god, anyone but Benji. He would have taken being drugged himself if it meant keeping him safe. He could handle the pain, but he couldn’t let Benji go through that.
“How long before it starts kicking in?” Ethan’s voice was even more strained than Benji’s despite not being the one dosed with an experimental drug.
“Hard to tell without knowing exactly how much I’ve been hit with.” Benji’s breathing picked up as he paused for a moment. Ethan could feel the van pick up speed despite already going dangerously fast. “But I don’t think long. I can feel it - well - that is- I, I don’t think long.”
Okay. Not good. Ethan forced himself to breathe in deeply through his nose, letting it out through his mouth slowly. Panicking wouldn’t do anything to help Benji now, and he owed it to him to focus and do everything he could after letting this happen. After failing his friend in the worst way. The oily guilt dripped down the back of Ethan's throat and pooled deep in his stomach like he had taken a swig of one of the vials.
They weren’t long from their safehouse now - maybe three minutes - especially if Benji kept going at the speed he was. Ethan hated to make Benji drive in his condition, but it would waste too much time stopping and switching seats. All he could do is sit tight and try to plan what they would do once they got to the safehouse. The debrief hadn’t gone much into detail about the effects of the drug - nor had Brandt really - but he remembered it saying something about fever-like symptoms. Heightened body temperature and disorientation. He would have to get Benji into the shower as fast as possible, and try to keep him hydrated if he could.
Ethan’s mind mapped out step after step of his plan, ironing out the details until he had a minute by minute strategy. All the while shying away from the inevitable final step.
He wished that he could say it was a respectful boundary he was keeping in his own mind, turning away from the effects that the bioweapon would be having on Benji to give him back the privacy that Ethan had unintentionally taken from him by letting him get hit. But he knew that he had to keep himself away from the thought of his partner in the throes of its effects to keep himself composed. He knew that if he allowed himself to think about what Benji would need to do to relieve himself he wouldn’t be able to hide the effect it had on him, especially not with his pants discarded in the backseat.
The shame bubbled up into his throat, threatening to pour out over his tongue and through his clenched teeth, letting Benji see the depraved depth of his desires shining in the dark of the van interior.
He would do anything for Benji, he knew as assuredly as he knew the force it took to break a man’s neck. Their friendship was littered with the messes that Ethan’s loyalty had made each time Benji was put in trouble. Each and every stupid, desperate measure he had taken without a second thought to the consequences trailing after the red head like daisies. He didn’t regret a single one, no matter how exposing it had been to the fixation he had on Benji, one he couldn’t hide no matter how hard he tried.
He had been called stupid for each and every one of them; dangerous, risky, reckless. He hadn’t had a problem with the words that got thrown at him by whatever authority figure had the misfortune of seeing him first. What he had a problem with was the rare times that people called him heroic. Loyal, and a good friend. Because the truth of the matter - after he had laid whatever threat at Benji’s feet, broken and bleeding, and bundled him up in his arms like he was the only life-raft in a storm - was that Ethan was selfish. He was selfish about Benji. Had been from the moment he had met him in the tech lab and decided to make him the team's first and last choice for tech. He had fed countless IMF rules and regulations to that selfish need to have every part of Benji he could get his hands on, and hadn't thought twice when he threw even the British Prime Minister into the same hungry black hole when he needed to. He should have known that he wasn’t strong enough to deny that selfish hunger anything, even Benji’s own privacy.
Right now that hunger was making itself known in the bottom of his gut. A low curl of warmth that threatened to break past his teeth along with the shame and guilt.
It whispered to him that it would be so easy to turn to Benji now, in the safety of darkness, and offer himself up as service for his failure. That he could make it be about Benji’s comfort, Benji’s health, about taking away his pain. It whispered to him that he could follow Benji into the shower after he helped him wash away the residue of the drug and fall to his knees in supplication for his sins. He could have this, have what he had so horribly craved for years in the stolen moments of glances and touch, and that Benji would be none the wiser to the way Ethan’s heart had grown claws and teeth as it tried to tear its way out of his ribcage to get closer to him.
‘It would be just like those honey pots you had been so good at once,’ it whispered to him, and to his horror he realized he was losing to the oil slick words, ‘and then you could make off like a thief in the night.’
They pulled up to the safehouse at breakneck speed. Benji slamming on the brakes fast enough that Ethan felt his seatbelt lock to keep him from flying forward. The van was crooked and mostly blocking the alleyway they were in, but neither cared as they flung themselves from their seats and up the crumbling steps of the prewar walkup apartment that acted as their safehouse. Usually Ethan would flinch at the idea of their van being so close to where they were staying, but given the fact that Benji was on a ticking clock and he wasn’t wearing pants, he decided to worry about that later and just be glad they didn’t have far to go before they slammed the door closed behind them and engaged the security system Benji had set up last night when they first got in.
Ethan wasted no time in ferrying Benji towards the bathroom. Not even having to tell him to strip off his contaminated clothes before Benji was already ripping them off, letting out a groan of relief that had Ethan turning to focus on the shower faucet to ignore the way the sound rang around between his ears on loop.
“Was starting to feel like bloody sandpaper.” Benji sighed out, stumbling slightly when Ethan placed a hand on his arm to pull him towards the warm water now soaking into his left side. He threw his jacket and harness somewhere in the direction of the sink and focused his attention on his friend.
His eyes had begun to develop a haze to them, bright blue looking through him instead of their usual sharp perception. The effects of the drug were starting to show through Benji’s usual polished manner, flushing all the way down to his chest and Ethan had to tear his eyes away from the way the light smattering of hair accentuated the planes of Benji’s chest as he panted. His eyes were almost black with how wide they were blown and locked on to Ethan’s hand on his arm, transfixed.
“How are you feeling?” Ethan asked as he pulled him into the stream of warm water, trailing his hand down his arm to focus on the pink stain on his hand and wrist. Benji sucked in a breath that Ethan dutifully ignored.
“...Affected, to say the least.” Was the response, before a low groan of half pain - half pleasure cut through the tense air. “Might want to clear out before it’s too late.”
Benji’s hips had started to sway forward and back marginally, seemingly unconsciously. Ethan tracked the movement in his peripherals as he hummed and continued to run his thumb against the inside of Benji’s now clean wrist, resolutely not pulling away or making a move to leave.
“Ethan.” His name was a helpless groan, just this side of a moan as Benji fought for control against the endless waves of arousal beating against his mind. He swayed forward into Ethan’s space, face tucking into the space between his neck and shoulder, breathing in deeply. Ethan couldn’t suppress the shudder that racked through him at the feeling of Benji’s open mouth barely grazing the sensitive skin, the only point of contact between them besides Ethan’s hand on his wrist.
If Ethan were a better man - the man that Benji seemed to believe he was - this would be his opportunity to break away, to leave respectfully to let him take care of this on his own.
Unfortunately, for all the masks he wore, Ethan was powerless to be anyone but himself at this moment, and was already reaching his free hand to pull off his half soaked shirt.
The movement dislodged Benji from his hiding place in Ethan’s neck, but the mournful whine he let out was quickly forgotten as he roamed his eyes over Ethan’s bare chest, raising his free hand to hover hesitantly at his side. So respectful not to touch even as Ethan was just about offering himself to him on a silver platter. As always, Benji made up for Ethan’s shortcomings. At times Ethan wondered if the universe had ever considered scrawling out Benjamin Dunn’s name in cursive along the love line on his hands to save time.
“I’m not leaving you to deal with this on your own.” Ethan’s voice was calm and sure, not betraying a hint of the storm raging inside him. Lust and desire and shame and guilt and love so strong it would have killed a lesser man.
“This isn’t a bullet hole I can stitch closed Ethan. Not exactly something I can just grit my teeth through.” Benji, ironically, grit out from between clenched teeth. His hand closed into a tight fist, a hair’s breath away from Ethan’s water slick skin, so close yet so far from what he needed.
“Then don’t.” Ethan whispered, staring up at Benji from beneath his lashes, submissive and penitent. A wolf in sheep's clothing. He raised his mouth to Benji’s ear, grazing against his check and relishing in the feeling of scruff against his lips. “Let me help take the pain away.”
A full body shutter was the only warning Ethan got before he was shoved against the glass shower wall, Benji’s body a wall of fire against his front, making him gasp at the temperature difference. A feeling only heightened by Benji’s mouth attaching to the spot he had previously been hiding in, teeth grazing his pulse point and tongue following behind to apologize for the sting. Ethan allowed his head to thunk back against the glass with a long groan as Benji’s hands roamed over the planes of his torso and a leg was forced between his thighs, giving himself over to the onslaught of sensations. He raised a hand from where he had braised himself against the wall to curl his fingers through the short hair at the base of Benji’s neck and was rewarded with a moan that rumbled through him like he was a tuning fork pitched to Benji’s frequency.
“Ethan.” Benji’s voice was rough and breathless, speaking into Ethan’s skin like he couldn’t bear to pull away even as he gave Ethan an out. “Are you sure? I-I don’t know if I’ll be able to hold back. I don’t. I couldn’t live with myself if I hurt you.”
“It’s okay.” Ethan gasped out, mind trying to come back online even as Benji’s hands continued to explore his body. One hand had found its way to his inner thigh and was running his thumb in a circle, pressure firm enough that he couldn’t pull his focus away from it. “It’s okay. You won’t hurt me. I trust you. I’m here, just take me. Just take what you need.”
He was rambling, he knew, his voice gasping like he had run from the lab to their safehouse on his own. He couldn’t stop though, not when he had gotten this taste. If Benji really wanted him to - if he asked - Ethan would pull away, would back off and let him sweat it out in peace. This was already more than he ever thought he would get, a taste of a haven he wasn’t worthy of, he could survive on this. He could play this stolen moment in his brain like a broken record every night and pretend he didn’t know what Benji’s mouth felt like on him. But, god, he didn’t want to stop, had half a mind to start begging. Maybe he had missed a stain somewhere on his own skin with the way he was so desperate.
Benji shuts him up with his mouth, thank god. The kiss was disjointed and desperate, nothing like any of the previous first kisses Ethan had had. Benji’s tongue plunged into his mouth and Ethan let him in easily, giving back as much as he got. He allowed himself to run his hands up Benji’s chest; he wasn’t as sculpted as Ethan was but there was a quiet strength in the hard lines of his body. Ethan had watched the evolution of Benji’s training from stolen side glances for years and now that he finally had the opportunity to know it up close and person he was insatiable. Thumbing over Benji’s nipples rewarded him with a tug to his hair, pulling Ethan’s head back to allow Benji unobstructed access to the long line of his neck which he took advantage of by sucking a line from the hollow of his throat to the spot beneath his ear. From the sheer force that he was using Ethan knew that there would be marks in the morning and his knees nearly gave out at the idea of Benji’s claim on him for all to see. It would be a souvenir of tonight that he would hang onto for as long as they lasted, clinging to it like sand slipping through his fingers.
“Bedroom.” Benji groaned, barely pulling away from Ethan’s body. They stumbled out of the bathroom in a tangle of limbs, Ethan kicking off his socks and wiggling out of his boxers with Benji’s help. The hands skimming across his ass set Ethan’s mind spinning like a top, especially when they gripped firmly under his thighs and hauled him up and tossed him onto the squeaky bed in a surprising show of force. Ethan didn’t even have the chance to bounce once before Benji was on top of him, slick skin sliding against his own and pressing him down into the plush fabric. Benji’s hands didn’t move from their place under Ethan’s thighs, instead hitching his legs up and slipping between them, grinding his hips into Ethan. The tip of Benji’s hard cock caught against Ethan’s rim as he rocked forward and he had to pull a hand away from Benji’s shoulders to bite down on and muffle the loud moan that wanted to break through.
His hand was ripped away from his mouth and he could see the indents his teeth had left in the skin before his attention was stolen by the blown out lust in Benji’s eyes.
“Don’t hide.” He panted, grinding his hips forward hard enough to push Ethan further up on the sheets, Benji’s other hand pulling him back down. “Let me hear you.”
A moan, embarrassingly loud, ripped out of his throat on command. Following Benji’s instruction without question in and out of the field. Benji chased the sound with his own lips, panting sloppily into Ethan’s mouth as he continued his maddening grind against him, precum branding him where he was most vulnerable. Each thrust caught the tip of his cock against his hole and Ethan felt like he was being teased within an inch of his life, everything he wanted just barely out of reach.
“Inside.” Ethan pleaded. “Want you inside. Please, Benji.”
“Yes.” Benji said desperately, but then closed his eyes like he was just given the worst news of his life and dropped his head onto Ethan’s chest. “But- wait. Lube. I don’t have- I don’t want to hurt you.”
Ethan thought for a moment, eyes scanning the mostly barren room as if it would suddenly reveal the secrets of the universe. The medical bag on the bedside table caught his eye and he pulled away to reach over to it, managing to gap it by the strap before he was grabbed by the hips and pushed down again, Benji repositioning so that he was laying chest to back on top of Ethan, hands pushing bruises into his hips. The new position allowed him to leverage better against the bed and each frantic movement ground Ethan dick against it, making him lose his train of thought even as the strap of the medical bag cut into his palm with how hard he was gripping it.
Lube, they needed lube. The faster he got it the faster he could have Benji inside of him.
Ethan upended the medical bag onto the pillow in front of him, ignoring the sound of random items hitting the floor with a loud clatter. If Benji had been in his right mind he would have scolded him for disrupting his very carefully constructed packing system, snipping that whatever it is he was looking for couldn’t have been that hard to find. Right now though, Benji had hitched his hips up to get a good angle on his desperate thrusts, making Ethan go almost cross eyed with want as he fumbled through the mess of medical supplies. A tin full of antiseptic cream caught his eye and he unscrewed the cap quickly, curling his fingers through the cream to cover them.
Ethan looked at his cream covered fingers for a moment, his mind overcome with guilt and shame at how inadequate he felt, how disgracefully utilitarian. Benji deserved better than a drug hazed fuck in a worn down safehouse with the man who failed to keep him safe, they didn’t even have proper lube. While Ethan had made peace with his rotten luck in life, he hated when his luck affected those he loved, and he loved Benji more than anything. He hoped that Benji could stand to look at him after this, because he would bet any money that he would have a hard time meeting his own eyes in the mirror from now on.
Swallowing whatever pride he had left, he wiggled his hand under himself to prod at his hole, cursing slightly as Benji’s thrusts knocked him off mark. He managed to get a single finger inside, groaning at the relief of finally having something to relieve the tension before Benji pulled his hand away. Ethan choked at the loss, turning his head from where it was smushed into the bed to glare uselessly at him, but Benji wasn’t looking at him, instead he was solely focused on scooping cream onto his fingers from where he had grabbed it without Ethan noticing. With one hand still holding Ethan’s hips up slightly, denying him the consultation prize of friction on the too plush bedding (and Ethan didn’t miss the way his body thrummed with pleasure at being denied, at only being allowed to get off as Benji decided), he covered his fingers with maybe too much cream and reached down to replace Ethan’s.
The cream was cold where it smeared against his skin, and Ethan used it as an excuse for the full body shiver that wracked through him as Benji circled his pointer finger around his hole before pushing into the second joint. Benji’s face was so focused, so single-mindedly intent on the way that Ethan’s body parted around his fingers, that Ethan had to push his face back into the bedding to hide from the slack mouthed awe directed at him. Biting into the fabric to stop himself from begging Benji to hurry up and add more fingers, Ethan willed his body to relax and let Benji in down to the knuckle. Repeating endlessly in his mind that he would accept whatever Benji gave him with no complaints as the single finger moved in and out at an even, curious pace; the previous frantic speed seemingly forgotten.
It was only when a second finger was added and Benji curled his fingers that Ethan finally let himself cry out, too loud to be fully muffled by the fabric between his teeth. Stars burst out behind his eyes and he felt his dick twitch and drip helplessly, forgotten with Benji’s hands too far away on his stomach for any contact to take the edge off.
“There you are.” Benji purred, the pure satisfaction in his voice caressing around him like a physical touch. “What did I say about letting me hear you, love?”
Ethan’s jaw dropped open from the tight clench he had kept it in, a flood of whimpers and gasps falling out of him as Benji massaged the spot inside of him that had him jerking weakly in his hold. The pressure kept up in a relentless rhythm that gave him no time to breath or get his bearings. A coil of pressure was building up between his hips, narrowing down his world to just the feeling of Benji slipping a third finger in and scissoring them. Running his nail against the bundle of nerves. Pumping them in and out.
“Don’t- Don’t let me cum!” Ethan cried out as Benji scissored his fingers again, the coil of pressure pulsing in time with his movements. “Don’t- Benji! Inside! Inside, please!”
A curse sounded above him as the movement inside of him let up and Ethan was left, drooling and dazed on the bed, thoughtlessly whining at the loss. He sounded pathetic and desperate even in his own ears, thoroughly flayed open by Benji’s expert fingers. He would never be able to watch those fingers fly across a keyboard with surgical confidence without thinking back to this moment.
“Don’t worry, love, I’ll give you what you need.” Benji cooed at Ethan, using the hand holding his hips to pull him up until his knees could support him. He could feel the blush blazing over his face and down his neck at the exposed position, open and pliable under Benji, easy to access. “Look so good like this.”
He burned. Drooling from his mouth and down his thighs as he felt Benji’s hands massage against the globes of his ass as he lined himself up. He had to hold onto this, he knew, turning his head to be able to see Benji knelt behind him. His neck was at an awkward angle with his back arched wantonly, but none of it mattered as he watched the look of relief and pleasure on Benji’s face as he slid home into him. The stretch was delicious with just a touch of pain that made Ethan let out a long, low moan in time with the movement. He could feel every vein along Benji’s length as he pushed in and Ethan delighted in finally being given this secret, intimate piece of Benji that he never thought he would get to have. It wouldn’t be his to keep, but nothing in the world, no amount of torture could take the memory away from him. The feeling of fullness and - underneath the purely physical - the completeness. It felt like Ethan had been missing a piece of himself, had something knock off kilter inside himself all along and Benji was finally here to fix him up.
The pace Benji set was brutal. Precise despite the drug running through his veins. Pulling out until just the tip was keeping Ethan open before thrusting in in one smooth motion, over and over and over until Ethan couldn’t keep track. He lost himself to the movement, body boneless and blissed out, only able to take it and moan out a constant symphony. Benji sang along with him like they were under the spotlight of one of Benji’s operas, overwhelming with how good they sounded together.
If Ethan could think, he would wonder what all the terrorist cells and world leaders he had pissed off would think of him in this moment; face buried in a cheap safehouse bed, ass in the air for Benji to use him like a toy and loving every second of it. Millions of dollars of government funding and blood money, cutting edge tech, and thousands of loyal soldiers put to shame by beautiful, perfect Benji at bringing Ethan Hunt to heel.
Benji was babbling above him, somehow able to run his mouth even as he dug his heels into the bed and plowed into Ethan with all his not-inconsiderable might. Ethan couldn’t quite understand what he was saying over the static in his mind, but with the way his dick was twitching as it bounced forgotten underneath them, he assumed it was a litany of praise. He had always been weak to any praise Benji would give him, preening like a peacock as the voice in his ear told him he was doing a good job. His body responded to the praise even as his brain leaked out of his ears, always so attuned to his partner.
The coil between his hipbones was back with a vengeance. Building him up to a dizzying height with no telling when it would collapse under him. It wouldn’t take much more to set him off and Ethan had just enough sense to mourn the end before it even hit him, he could only hope that the bruises that Benji had been littering him with would linger for a long while. He had never considered how quickly he tended to heal as a bad thing but now, with the prospect of the next morning on the horizon where they would no doubt try to sweep Ethan’s failure under the rug, the bruises would be some of the few things that he could turn to to assure himself this was real, that this had happened. He would press into the bruises along his neck, match his fingers to match the ones on his hips, and paint the look on Benji’s face as he fucked the drugs effects into Ethan on the back of his eyelids until it was the only thing he would see when he closed his eyes. He was a man who had learned to live on the scraps of life he could steal out of the jaws of tragedy, and he would clutch this morsel to his chest with the vehemence of a starving man.
“That’s it Ethan. Give in.” Benji’s voice pulled Ethan back up to the surface, his thrusts starting to lose their steady metronome. “Cum for me, love. Let me feel it.”
And that was it.
With a final, silent scream Ethan came. Benji fucking him through it as ropes of white painted his thighs and the bed beneath him. His mind was a euphoric blank void, letting Ethan freefall from the cliff that he had been sprinting up since Benji had pushed him against the bathroom wall.
The friction went from blissful release to overstimulation, pushing feeble whines from his mouth with every thrust, but doing nothing to stop it as Benji’s grunts picked up speed and pitch. With a final deep thrust, he buried himself to the hilt inside Ethan and tumbled over into his own release. Ethan’s dick gave a slight twitch at the feeling of warmth filling him up, deliriously happy at the idea of being claimed by Benji so completely, voicing his satisfaction with one final fucked out sigh.
The sound of their panting filled up the room, startlingly muted after the symphony of moans and slick sounds that had rang in his ears. His body ached pleasantly and he didn’t bother to move from his position on his knees until Benji tapped him on his hip and helped him maneuver onto his side, thankfully away from the wet spot that he had created. It didn’t slip his notice that Benji hadn’t slipped out of him yet, softening cock still plugging him open, and Ethan allowed himself to feel delight that he wouldn’t yet have to suffer the emptiness that would no doubt come when he did.
“Feeling better?” Ethan asked after a long moment of them catching their breath. Benji was plastered around him, his chest pressed against Ethan’s back and his legs pushed up against his to curl their bodies into a comfortable cuddle. Ethan just barely stopped himself from threading his fingers through Benji’s where they rested against his chest. He had always known Benji would be a cuddler.
“Mmhm.” The response was hummed into the back of his neck, and Ethan couldn’t stop the fond chuckle from bringing a smile to his face at how comfortable he seemed to be. “Mostly. I can still feel a little something, but not even a Russian bioweapon can get me up again at my age, don’t worry.”
“Don’t be so hard on yourself. You performed very well for a man of your vintage. Didn’t even break a hip.” Ethan teased as he wiggled slightly to get comfortable, a tingle of pleasure zipping up his spine at the tiny noise Benji let out at that.
His teasing earned him a light pinch on his side and Ethan dissolved into breathless laughter, so glad that - at least for now - nothing seemed to have changed. The morning might bring awkwardness or hurt, and he would have to prepare how he would handle it when Benji inevitably tried to sit him down and ask him questions he didn’t have the answers to. But for now, he allowed himself to bask in the afterglow with the warmth of Benji circling him, feeling more at home than he had in years.
Ethan bit his lip, deciding to push his luck a little further as he could feel sleep tugging at him.
“If the drug does rear its head again, feel free to wake me up.” He ground down in a dirty move and nearly purred as Benji’s arms tightened around him, lips brushing his neck. “I’m sure you’ll find a suitable way.”
“Go to sleep you cheeky bastard.” Was the last sleepy response he heard before Benji’s breaths evened out and his arms slackened around him.
In the morning, Ethan promised himself, in the morning he would tuck away all the ugly, wanting pieces of himself that reached out to Benji with bloody hands. For now, with Benji safely asleep and unknowing as he finally threaded their fingers together, he allowed himself to have this and slipped into a rare peaceful slumber.