Archive of Our Own

Hanbin met Hao at a very uncertain time in his life. Yeah, he had a loving family and a big group of friends. His newly established career as a choreographer was slowly taking off and he had even been invited to perform at a world renowned festival with his dance team at the end of the year. But all of this didn’t stop the growing anxiety he felt about his being left behind somehow. All his childhood friends were announcing engagements and expecting  babies and advancing their careers. Areum had even moved out into a new apartment with her boyfriend and yet Hanbin was still living with his parents. They didn’t mind of course but sometimes he’d lay in bed and wonder if somewhere down the line, he had messed up somehow.

He had been lying in bed when his mom had brought him the invitation to another friend’s wedding, “this just arrived in the post for you my love.” She passed him the white embroidered envelope. Inside was a small, decorated card that read:

Sung Hanbin

You are invited to

Jaehyun & Jihan’s

Wedding

06.06.2030

He sighed and threw his head back against the pillow. Another friend, bound to the chains of marriage. He’d never seen the appeal of being married; to give yourself to another for the rest of life as you know it, wasn’t that extremely terrifying? Jaehyun had been his friend for almost ten years now. They had met at college during a collaboration between the music society and the dance society–both being the president of their respective groups–Jaehyun and Hanbin had organised the end of year performance which was being held to raise money for charity and they had been close ever since. After graduating, Hanbin quit dancing for a while and went to help his mother out with her cafe in their hometown. He never mentioned the real reasoning for his moving back, extreme burn out. Jaehyun had gotten an offer to study musical masters at SNU and then after that, he became a professor for their musical department. When Hanbin moved back to Seoul after a couple years of being off the radar, they had met up and it had been Jaehyun who got him back into dancing, hooking him up with a crew who had open auditions which had eventually helped him get a job as a choreographer for a small company. It wasn’t the best job in the world and he was hardly making enough to cover the rent but it was something. Besides, he still went back to his hometown during the holidays. 

Jaehyun had met his girlfriend during his Masters study. They were in the same department and the two of them had been head over heels for one another since the first week of their course. Hanbin had met her a couple times; at dinner parties, at birthdays, and even sometimes at the college if Jaehyun had an open lecture or faculty event. The two of them had sat together and exchanged small talk, sometimes she’d lean over and ask him if he was seeing anyone, “I have a younger sister. She’s studying in the USA right now but I’m sure she would love to meet you when she’s back in Seoul.” He had politely declined, agreeing that she was probably a really nice girl but he was seeing ‘someone’. She’d then berate him for “being too secretive about this mystery girl,” but in reality, besides the fact that he was gay, Hanbin hadn’t seen anyone in a long, long time. Jaehyun was one of the only people–besides his family and college roommates–that knew he was into guys. He’d asked them all to keep it a secret between them but each time Jihan bothered him about her sister, he was one step closer to letting his well kept secret out into the world. 

Now, Hanbin was dressed in his best suit–one that his mother had taken him to get tailored specifically for the wedding–and was walking into the venue. It was a pretty remote location, surrounded by trees and hills. It had taken the taxi driver almost four times to get the location right and by the time he had got inside and signed the registry, everyone else had already arrived and sat down. The venue had several rooms all laid out around the outside of a large ballroom; including several bars and sitting rooms, dressing rooms, powder rooms, bathrooms, and even a room for security and staff members to rest in. It was late into the morning and already the temperature had risen so much that Hanbin had to adjust his tie before entering into the ballroom. Maybe it was nerves.

The ballroom was decorated almost entirely in white and blue flowers; hanging bouquets that swayed gently from the ceiling, large pots lay all over the floor, trees and crawling ivy that stalked its way up the walls and stage. Even the backdrop was made to look like the bride and groom were standing under a canopy of stars made out of small flowers and fairy lights. Hanbin walked around the tables, scanning the room for familiar faces among the many. Everyone was dressed to look their best; makeup, hair, dresses. Some people even wore traditional Hanbok, it was beautiful.

Eventually he saw an old friend of his, hovering around the cloak room entrance. His smile was almost instant as he took him in; his hair had gotten longer (it suited him well) and his smile lines had started to come in, a sign of a life well lived. He walked up behind him, “room for one more?” His friend spun around, startled by the sudden voice from above him. His familiar smile appeared almost instantly when he realised who it was, “oh my god! Hanbin!” They hugged each other for a few seconds before pulling back and admiring each other’s faces. “Matthew… have you grown smaller?” Hanbin joked which elicited a playful slap from the man. 

Hanbin also met Matthew while he was still in college, working with the official dance team. He had scouted out the best dancers in each department and had them perform a dance battle at a school talent show for his first year project. On his scouting mission throughout the campus, he had run into Matthew by chance; he was ironically filming a dance cover outside one of the science buildings. Hanbin had waited until he was finished and passed him the flyer he had made for the competition. “Are you in the science department?” He had formally asked with a smile on his face, even though Matthew was younger than him. Back then, he had chubbier cheeks and short black hair that looked like it was cut by his mom. Matthew had proceeded to go all shy, snatching his phone from where he had rested it against a bench to get a good angle, “erm…” he itched his neck, “no. I’m in the film department.” Hanbin pumped his first in the air triumphantly, “perfect! I need a film student also.” He showed Matthew the flyer, overloading him with a ton of information about the project that would result in almost half of his end of year grade and in the end, Matthew didn’t feel like he had a choice but to accept.

In the end, the competition had run so smoothly and Hanbin had gotten a good grade on his project evaluation. Hanbin was Matthew’s first close friend at college after that initial meeting. He followed him around like a puppy after class and since graduation, had followed him around after his part time work. They hadn’t seen each other since Hanbin left Seoul and he regretted not inviting Matthew to come visit him.

But now, the two of them were laughing like it was just yesterday that they had been practicing for the upcoming dance competition. “Have you seen the others yet?” Matthew passed their jackets to the cloak room assistant and collected their tickets as they began walking back around the room. Hanbin shook his head, “I just got here so I haven’t been able to meet anyone else. I don’t even know where my name card is.” Matthew grabbed his hand and pulled him forward, “well then, let’s go!”

He dragged Hanbin directly through a bunch of tables and he had to pay attention and not trip over people’s chair legs or bags as they sped through the venue. Matthew didn’t let go of Hanbin’s hand until they were hovering above a table with four empty chairs. Everyone sitting at the table paused their conversation to look up at Matthew, “surprise!” He pushed Hanbin out from behind him and everyone from the table got up, cheering and coming to swarm him with questions and hugs. “Long time no see!” “How have you been?” “Have you been dancing lately?” Matthew stepped back in, “guys, guys, let him breathe, he hasn’t even sat down yet!” Hanbin greeted each of them in turn; Matthew’s new roommate Gunwook and Hanbin’s four dormitory roommates from college; Yujin, Taerae, Gyuvin, and Jiwoong. He tried to control his elated smile that was starting to make his cheeks hurt. He had missed them so much.

Jiwoong only stayed around the table for a short amount of time, he had volunteered to be Jaehyun’s wedding photographer, a hobby he had been pursuing since their second year of college. He left with his camera after Hanbin had settled into his seat next to Gyuvin and Matthew, snapping a couple photos of them before disappearing past the tables next to them. Hanbin watched him go, reminiscing quickly about all the times Jiwoong would arrive back at the dorm late at night, messaging Hanbin and asking him to stay awake so they could lock the door before curfew. Jiwoong would always make it back with only minutes to spare and out of breath, “thank you Hanbin, I don’t know what I’d do without you” he would say. Hanbin would then lock the door and pour him a glass of water, waiting to hear if the photo project was a success. Jiwoong would show him the pictures he had taken that day and sometimes even sold. Hanbin would congratulate him every time, “I knew you could do it! I like your work. I would definitely buy it too if I had the money to!” He watched now how Jiwoong looked at everyone through a lens, bending down on one knee to get the perfect shot. 

He turned his attention to Gyuvin and Yujin who were sitting next to him. The two of them had been almost inseparable since the first time they moved in together, sticking to each other like glue. He remembered how they had the whole campus fooled that they were brothers at one point, they looked so alike and got along so well–even Hanbin had doubted them at one point. But Gyuvin was a little older than Yujin and when he had graduated earlier, Yujin had gone on to focus on his studies more seriously and talked less and less about Gyuvin on the daily. Hanbin had suspected that Yujin was missing him and bringing him up less just meant that it was less painful for him so he avoided the conversation wherever possible. He studied their side profiles as they surveyed the room of wedding guests walking around with drinks; both were strong and serious looking but all it took was a simple smile and their stern look would turn wistful and joyous, one you would see in a child who had just made a forever friend in middle school or that of a cute puppy who was given a treat.

He asked about their lives, having not seen them in years. He had been meaning to get in touch with them, on birthdays, during the holidays, or when he’d seen their faces pop up on his social media but every time he ended up letting the opportunity just slip away. Yujin had graduated top of his class and started an internship which led to him landing a job at a top music company. He was still dancing but only as a hobby. He had his own apartment, just a studio flat but an apartment nonetheless, and was thinking of adopting a puppy soon. Gyuvin however didn’t seem to have much to say other than exaggerating Yujin’s own achievements, “he even bought his mom a new car!” he’d shout and Yujin would have to reach over and grab at his hands to get him to stop. “But what about you Gyuvin, have you been doing anything exciting?” and then Gyuvin would go quiet, muttering beneath his breath about his boring job in a boring suburb. Yujin rolled his eyes, “he’s bored of being single in his big designer apartment.” Now it was Gyuvin’s turn to jab his hands into Yujin’s side to get him to stop talking. 

Hanbin laughed at their bickering but as soon as he was about to ask more questions, the groom came around to their table with his parents. Hanbin stood up, dusting off his suit pants as he reached out to shake hands with Jaehyun and his father, while bowing gracefully to Jaehyun’s mother. Jaehyun frowned, “why so formal?” Hanbin’s shoulders were so tense he was sure that everyone in the room could see, “this is the first wedding I’ve actually attended, I’m a little nervous…” Jaehyun and his parents laughed, “well let’s hope it’s your own next!” Jaehyun’s mom grabbed his hand and squeezed it and Hanbin swallowed the lump in his throat. As much as those words were hopeful and sweet, he didn’t wish his own wedding to be so soon. Jaehyun knew better than anyone that Hanbin had bad luck when it came to dating. He had gone on several dates during college, even sometimes staying overnight at someone’s place in which he would message Jiwoong an address with a ‘if I’m not back by 10am tomorrow, come find me’ message. Each morning he would be back by 9am, slightly hungover and ultimately disappointed. His longest relationship had been five months and was with a guy he had met at the college’s international culture fair. He had been so intrigued by him that he had even asked him on a date that very day. They began dating two weeks after that but in the end, the guy’s visa had run out and he had returned to China. Hanbin had asked him when he planned on coming back to Korea but he never got a message back and had ultimately moved on. Ever since then, Hanbin had given up on finding the one.

Jaehyun nudged him out of his thoughts, “I have someone that I could introduce you to tonight.” Hanbin forced out a loud, fake laugh, “no, no, that won’t be necessary! It’s your day, don’t worry about me!” Jaehyun threw him a pitying smile as he moved on to half hug, half wrestle Gyuvin out of his chair. Jaehyun’s mom then came over to Hanbin, taking his arm into hers and pulling him to face the stage. She leant in and whispered, “we have a surprise for Jaehyun.” She looked quickly behind them to make sure that her son wasn’t listening. When she saw him taking Yujin’s cheeks in between his hands and cooing about how cute he was, she laughed and turned back to continue whispering, “we invited his star student to perform for him. He graduated from my son's masters class about two years ago and he hasn’t stopped talking about him since,” she rolled her eyes and continued to imitate Jaehyun’s voice, “he’s truly a music prodigy, mom you should have seen him. Mom, I will never have another student like him.” Hanbin laughed, trying not to draw too much attention to the two of them. “He sounds truly like a great musician if he had Jaehyun mentioning him like that…” She nodded, “he is truly something else. He will perform when Jihan walks down the aisle but I came here to ask if you could record my son’s reaction?” She pointed to a table on the opposite end of the hall, “our table is over there at the front. From that angle, I won’t be able to get a good video.” He was already agreeing to this mission she had set him, “of course!” She smiled and squeezed his hand, “thank you Hanbin. It's really special to have you here today. I hope you can enjoy your time and the performance! You’ll know when it will be starting because Gunwook will announce it.” She looked over at Gunwook, “Which he should be preparing for by now!” Hanbin laughed as he watched her jog over to Gunwook, pulling him off of Matthew and racing him to behind the stage.

He sat back down, dusting off his suit and stretching his arms above his head. It was a nice surprise for his friend, he knew how much he adored his students. Ever since he had started with his first class, Jaehyun had been awing over the talent that poured in from all corners of the world. Hanbin had visited a couple times–whether he had a free day or was just meeting Jaehyun after his class for dinner– and seeing Jaehyun passing out graded papers or helping his students with the biggest smile on his face always made him sort of jealous. It was a special kind of privilege to have people look up to you, to put their trust and expectations on you. Of course it brought stress of responsibility and maturity but Jaehyun was perfect for the role. He taught music theory at Seoul National University; it was one of those classes that music majors took to keep their credits up and learn more about the basic stepping stones for their specified instrument. His students ranged from DJs to cello players, singers to pianists. Although you aren’t allowed to have ‘favourites’, each year Jaehyun would invite his ‘star student’ to his home for a special dinner service to congratulate them on their hard work and dedication. He talked about them often; an opera singer from Italy, a cellist from Japan, a Violinist from China, a pianist from the UK. Each of them was special to Jaehyun and extremely talented.

He sat now wondering which of these students they had invited to perform, an opera singer would be a perfect match for a wedding but deep down Hanbin wished it was the pianist. Either way, all of Jaehyun’s students were so talented so it was surely going to be a good performance. He watched Gunwook disappear around the corner with a smile and turned his attention back to the remaining people sitting around the table. 

Matthew had brought his Nintendo Switch as he always used to do and sat playing Pokemon under the table. Hanbin shuffled his chair slightly to the left to watch the screen, “still playing these games?” Matthew laughed in response, “hey… they’re timeless. I’ll be playing them when I’m 80!” “Will it still work until then? Didn’t you break your 3DS last year?” Matthew shook his head, “Gunwook fixed it for me and if I break this one, he’ll just fix it too!” Hanbin smiled a sly smile, “you two seem to have no plan to move out.” Matthew picked up on what he was really asking him and paused his game in shock, “what do you mean?” Hanbin looked around and confirmed no one was listening in to their conversation, “I see the way you two gravitate towards one another.” Matthew’s cheeks flushed a light pink, “we’re just friends.” “Matthew, you were holding hands under the table like twenty minutes ago…” Matthew coughed, “you must be seeing things. Are you well?” He brought the back of his hand up to touch against Hanbin’s forehead but the elder flinched backwards and used the opportunity to send cooing noises into Matthew’s direction to tease him.

It was at that moment that the lights began to dim and Gunwook’s loud voice boomed onto the speakers, “Attention everyone, can we please get everyone back into their seats as the ceremony will begin shortly. Thank you!” Hanbin sat back in his seat, leaving Matthew to quickly compose himself and put away his switch. People began running around with their bags and drinks to reach their seats in time for Gunwook to walk out to the center of the stage. Multiple people began cheering and he bowed to each of their compliments, enjoying the attention. Matthew grabbed his phone and snapped a couple photos of Gunwook before he began to talk, “Hello,” he bowed, “as many of you already know, I’m Park Gunwook. Professional MC, part time fitness trainer.” Everyone laughed at his natural charms.

At this point, everyone was sitting down and paying attention to Gunwook as he flipped his cue cards over. “Now I don’t know about you guys but I came here to watch two really cool people tie the knot.” The crowd cheered again, Matthew trying to contain his laughter at Gunwook’s goofiness. “Okay, that means I’m in the right place.” He waited until the laughing was quiet enough to carry on, “So it brings me great happiness to introduce the groom. Everyone, please welcome the luckiest member of our friend group, Myung Jaehyun.” Everyone stood up, applauding as the front doors swung open and music began to blast out the speakers, Jaehyun shimmied down the stage walkway, stopping momentarily half way to do a half-hearted moonwalk. 

He reached Gunwook and gave him a quick pat on the back. The two of them exchanged a few words away from the microphone and Jiwoong made sure to grab a few pictures of them together before they moved off to the side to continue the ceremony. “Now Jaehyun.” He turned to Gunwook who was smiling uncontrollably. “Before we can let your beautiful bride walk down the aisle, we have a very special surprise for you.” Jaehyun frowned, obviously not expecting a surprise this early into the day. “A special student of yours has flown from China today to play for you,” Gunwook couldn’t help but get excited himself, watching Jaehyun’s face for a reaction. 

From where Hanbin was sitting, he couldn’t hear what brief conversation was exchanged between the two of them but he could see Jaehyun bring his hands up to cover his face in shock as a tall, slender man dressed in a suit stepped onto the stage with an expensive-looking violin in his hand. He bowed gracefully to Jaehyun and stepped forward to hug him. He seemed to float as he walked into the back corner of the stage, holding up his violin with a somewhat weightless elegance about him.

That’s when Hanbin was starstruck for the first time in his life, time seemed to slow down for him. From over Jaehyun’s shoulder he saw him for the first time, the most gorgeous person he’d ever laid eyes on. His eyelashes graced his cutely cut apple cheeks as he slowly closed his eyes, his hair lay perfectly over his eyebrows as if it was personally styled by Aphrodite herself, his skin was perfectly smooth and speckled with moles, and his lips perfectly pink and plump. Hanbin stared, wondering what it would be like to connect his own lips to them. He wondered what it would be like if those puppy eyes were staring up at him. He suddenly got the urge to hear his own name through the unknown man’s voice, would it be raspy or delicate? 

He still couldn’t tear his eyes off of the man as he picked up his violin and began to move the bow across it, he completely forgot that he was supposed to video Jaehyun. His lips lay perfectly still as he closed his eyes, finding the rhythm of the song. He seemed to move as one with the instrument, like he was getting lost within the musical notes and shouldn’t be disturbed until the song was completely over. Hanbin thought he could watch him forever, never getting bored of his melody and the way his face scrunched up when the note needed extra precision. The way his clothes fell so perfectly around his shoulders, his suit pants hugging his hips and giving Hanbin the perfect view of his waist. He didn’t notice when Jihan walked down the aisle, coming to meet Jaehyun at the front. He was so transfixed on the violin player with the cute eyes to care. He could imagine his hand wrapping around Hanbin’s instead of the violin. Perhaps they’d be on a park date or at an art gallery, Hanbin wondered if the man even liked art galleries or would he prefer a date inside their home? Their home, would Hanbin move in with him or would he move in with Hanbin? Did he currently live in Korea or would Hanbin have to book onto a Chinese language course. Was he even gay? What if he was taken already? What if he didn’t like the way Hanbin’s apartment was North facing? Should he look at new places?

He battled his own thoughts until Matthew had to kick him under the table. He leaned in and whispered, “dude? You’re staring…” Hanbin jolted in his seat, forcing himself away from the violinist to focus on his friend and Jihan as they joined each other at the altar. He tried his very best to stay focused but he could see the violinist bow in the corner of his eye just before he walked off the stage. He couldn’t help but crane his neck and follow him to his seat, eliciting another kick from Matthew.

Five minutes later, the newlyweds had said their vows and were kissing while everyone stood and cheered. Hanbin stood obviously a little too fast, trying to catch a glimpse of a certain someone more clearly. He heard Matthew giggle from somewhere behind him as he got his phone out to take a picture of the couple, hoping to somehow capture his new crush in the frame, at least he’ll have a picture. 

Jihan turned around to her friends at the table next to Hanbin’s and threw her flower bouquet over her head. Hanbin followed it with his eyes, watching as it landed in one girl’s hands directly. She began screaming and showing her friends that she had caught it. Hanbin looked back towards Jihan and realised the violinist was closer to them now, bowing to the couple before he began playing a more upbeat melody. The couple skipped down the stage, smiling at each other like they held the world in their eyes. Hanbin cheered momentarily as Jaehyun passed him. Suddenly, confetti cannons went off and he saw the violin player flinch at the loud noise but he kept playing, disguising his embarrassment with a smile. He was so cute. 

The confetti took the shape of light pink flower petals as they drifted down from the ceiling gracefully. He grabbed his phone and began recording the violin player, staring in awe as the petals made the whole scene feel dreamlike. He wondered if heaven would be this beautiful. He hadn’t even had a drop of alcohol and yet he felt like he was on cloud nine.

Just then as he was looking through his phone lens, the violinist looked up, looking straight into the camera. He flinched, dropping the frame ever so slightly. Did he just laugh at me? He looked over his phone, hoping to make eye contact with him directly but the man had already looked away and Hanbin bit his cheeks for missing his chance. He felt like a fan trying to get an interaction from his favourite idol. The violinist moved towards center stage and began playing a final riff as the couple bowed to all the attendees before leaving the hall together. 

The music died down and everyone applauded the musician for blessing them with his talent. It was beautiful. Hanbin stopped recording to put down his phone and use both of his hands to applaud, making sure to be the loudest person in the room. He could have sworn the violinist looked his way before reaching his hand out to allow someone (not Hanbin) to help him down off the stage. A sudden irritation flared in Hanbin at the sight, who was this man? Did they know each other? Was that his boyfriend? Husband? Friend? He needed to get rid of him. 

He needed to talk to the violinist somehow, perhaps even get him alone. But what would we talk about…He searched his brain for any possible reason, he could pretend he had an event coming up and needed a violinist? Maybe he could be looking for a violin teacher because he’s wanting to start learning? Gunwook walked back on the stage, thanking the couple for a beautiful ceremony, explaining how he teared up at the speech. “And thank you Zhang Hao for the music. It was out of this world.” Zhang Hao. His name. Hanbin said it over and over and over again in his mind, wanting to get the pronunciation perfect. His mind was swimming in the way it seemed to just ‘flow’. It sounded perfect, like it was written in the world’s finest gold. He had his name and he was going to cherish every syllable. Gunwook continued, “while the two of them change and get their photos taken, there will be a thirty minute break. After, we will be serving food so please get any refreshments while you wait. We have three bars as if one wasn’t enough, so help yourself! Thank you.” He bowed and turned off the microphone, coming back down to Hanbin’s table.

Matthew greeted him with a high five which quickly turned into a full body hug. Hanbin just stood there, awkwardly staring at them and waiting for them to even notice he was there. “Nice work.” He coughed to Gunwook, who upon hearing him, pushed away from Matthew’s embrace to smile at him. “If you need someone for your own wedding, just let me know,” Gunwook joked, making Matthew keel over with laughter. There it was again, the constant nagging about a wedding, “I told you I’m not seeing anyone.” Gunwook didn’t believe him, “come on. Handsome, rich guy like you. I heard you’ve been seeing Jiyeon again.” The last part was meant as an opening for him to deny Gunwook’s intrusion into his romantic life with a contradictory statement like “actually I’m seeing…” He did this often to try and get a reaction out of him. Jiyeon didn’t exist, she never did and never will. Hanbin grimaced and shook his head. He needed to get out of there. “I’m going to go look around…” He backed up, grabbing his wallet and shoving it into his suit pocket before swivelling on his heels and moving further and further away from the two men laughing at him. 

He instead focuses on finding one person in particular. Zhang Hao. The violinist. He passed by several tables full of people chatting and laughing with each other. Some of them he knew from school or from Jaehyun’s circle of family friends. Several people stood up to shake his hand or ask him how he’s been since he left Seoul. He exchanged small talk before making excuses like “sorry I really need the bathroom, can I be excused?” or “I left my jacket on a table.” or “my friend is expecting me but please, come find me later and we can catch up!” He’d then sneak away through the crowd, looking for that one person. 

He sidestepped past a table, garnering the attention of a couple of older women as he excused himself for trying to get past. “Sung Hanbin!” One woman shouted, standing up and ignoring the protest of almost everyone at the table. She walked around and upon reaching him, grabbed both his arms and kissed him on the cheek. She held him there, forcing him to stop moving, “you don’t remember me do you?” His stomach dropped as he tried to scan her face for any familiarity. This caused her to laugh harder, “don’t worry! It’s been so long. How is your mother? Is she here today?” Hanbin shook his head, “she is back home in Cheonan. I’m sorry but where do we know each other from?” Her family laughed behind her and Hanbin felt the most embarrassed he’d felt in so long. She pretended to hit him on the arm, “silly boy. Me and your mom went to school together! You were classmates with my daughter, Saeko. Remember?” She stepped out of the way to point at Saeko who was sitting with her two friends at the table behind them. Hanbin recognised her almost immediately, her long black hair and small face. She had been an actress during their school years, starring in multiple music videos for idols and feature films abroad. Hanbin wasn’t exactly friends with her due to her almost always being overseas but he remembers her being the talk of the school. He bowed gracefully towards her and she smiled back at him, nodding her head slightly before turning to whisper to her friends. “How have you been?” Her mother asked, bringing the attention back to Hanbin. “I have been back at home for a couple years, helping my mom.” She nodded along, “and now you’re back in Seoul right? Do you have your own place?” “Yes… Yes.” He frowned, confused where this conversation was heading when suddenly she leaned in, quieting her voice, “I was hoping to run into you today. You’re very well-mannered, polite, and handsome. I was hoping you could help ‘reel’ our Saeko in. Take her out on a couple dates to see if you two are compatible.” Hanbin’s eyes grew wide, she was trying to set them up. He took a quick glance at Saeko behind them and she smiled up at him, like she wanted to devour him. “Of course, it would come with a generous sum.” Hanbin tried his best to force a smile, bowing at Saeko’s mom as his feet began to traverse the floor again. She grabbed his hand, “please consider it.” Before leaving he came over to Saeko, “it was nice to meet with you again. Have a good night.” She smiled, “you too.” and frowned at her mom as he left, looking frightened and overwhelmed. 

He caught a glimpse of Zhang Hao a couple tables away, also struggling to get away from a bunch of middle aged women chatting to him, probably also trying to set him up with their daughters. Hanbin approached and wondered how to tackle the problem. Some of the women were grabbing at his clothes and hands, some of them were asking him to play a short song on the violin. Hao was politely replying from what Hanbin could hear, his voice sweet and melodic like the string of notes he played only twenty minutes earlier. Hao looked up at Hanbin approaching, smiling at him awkwardly as if to say ‘hey stranger. Please help me out!’ Hanbin needed to rescue his damsel in distress. Hanbin felt warmth spread through his body at the exchange, thank goodness someone was just ‘passing by’ to help the poor musician and how lucky that he was the one who got to do it, he thought as he approached the hoard of women. “You played so beautifully. Are you single?” one of them asked him, Hao smiling in response. Did he understand Korean? Hanbin coughed loudly behind them, “excuse me ladies but me and my friend here would like to go and get a drink. If you don’t mind, I will steal him away for now.” He reached forward and grabbed Hao’s free hand and pulled him towards him, making sure not to hit the violin against the table. Hao willingly let himself be dragged almost all the way into Hanbin’s arms. He politely bowed back to the women, ignoring the sighs of disappointment at him leaving.

Hanbin didn’t let go of Hao until they were next to the far wall, out of the way of the tables and hoard of bodies. “Thank you!” Hao said, bowing to Hanbin formally. “Any time!” Oh god this is awkward, what do I say? Hanbin scratched the back of his neck, “I’m Sung Hanbin by the way.” Hao seemed taken aback from the sudden introduction, did he just leave one trap to fall right into another? He took a deep breath, “I’m Zhang Hao.” They began walking slowly around the outside of the room, taking in the warm summer air and the smell of food being ready to be served that was drifting in from the kitchens. 

Hanbin couldn’t look at Hao. His presence was enough to make his heart do a somersault in his chest, looking at him would be certain death. Instead he stared at the ground, where their feet moved in an untimely, awkward rhythm. “Thanks for saving me back there,” Hao filled the silence. Hanbin twitched, “ah it's nothing. They just don’t seem to know when to stop.” They laughed, holy fuck this is awkward. Why had Hanbin even approached him in the first place? He can’t exactly go “hey, I thought you were the prettiest human I’ve ever seen, want to go out?” Instead, he shuffled slightly in his step, “where are you from?” Hao was also looking towards the ground at their feet, “China. Fujian. It’s in the South. What about you?” Hanbin hadn’t heard of Fujian but he was already calculating the flight duration in his head, “Cheonan. It’s about an hour away from Seoul!” Hao nodded along, “so… Did you drive here today?” They continued walking around the tables slowly, “No, actually I just moved back to Seoul. What about you? Do you live in Seoul?” He heard a giggle come from Hao, “No. No, I flew in last night. I still live in Fujian” Fuck. Suddenly he had no confidence to keep asking questions but his brain screamed at him to learn more about Hao. Instead, he turned to face him, “can I buy you a drink?” Perfect, something simple, something to say ‘I'm interested but I’m polite about it.’ “Thank you, but I actually have another performance,” he held up his violin and it was the first time Hanbin realised that he was still holding it. Hao saw him staring and held it closer for inspection, “want to look?” Hanbin carefully held the violin in his hands, not wanting to even get a fingerprint on the varnished wood, “It’s quite heavy, I never knew since you hold it so angelically…I mean…” He stumbled over his words and Hao giggled, grabbing his violin back. “For their first dance, I’ll play a Bach andante concerto No.1 in A minor, one that Professor Myung helped me with while I was studying under him!” It was weird hearing his friend’s name spoken so professionally and Hanbin wondered what it would be like to hear “Professor Sung” one day. “Well I don’t know what half of those worlds mean but… I’m sure it will be very beautiful, because it’s you.” The words left his mouth before he could even register what they were. The two of them stopped walking, both standing terribly still. Hanbin looked everywhere around the room except for Hao’s face, not wanting to see the disgust or embarrassment on his face. “In the sense that… You are so talented, I liked your performances… I’m looking forward to seeing what you will do next. I’m not really knowledgeable when it comes to violin or classical music in general.” He continued, still not facing Hao, “you’re actually the first violinist I’ve ever met and it truly is amazing. Are all of them as good as you? I mean… I can’t play the violin but.” Hao reached out and grabbed his shoulder, forcing him to stop talking. He laughed, “slow down Hanbin.” His name and that voice… He passed the point of no return.

They continued walking, Hanbin fanning away his hot flush, until they reached the bar. A large marble platform decorated with bottles of every brightly coloured spirit and wine someone could dream of. Around the outside lay a handful of barr stools that one could sit on and the two of them resumed their conversation sitting on the two in the far corner. “I appreciate your honesty and I thank you for your compliments on my playing. But I’ve been learning the violin since I was very little so it’s just natural to me.” Although he was highly skilled in Korean, his accent made the pitch of his voice mispronounce certain words and Hanbin had a hard time concentrating on what he was saying, he was just too cute. “How long would it take for me to play a song?” Hanbin had already relapsed back to flirting. Hao pretended to think long and hard, “hmmm. If I was your teacher…” yes yes yes, please. “Maybe two weeks? If you skip the theory of course.” For some reason Hanbin wasn’t satisfied, “just two weeks? I’m sure I’d need extra lessons Zhang Hao Sunsaengnim…” Hao laughed, “you should call me Zhang Laoshi.” Hanbin gulped hard, changing the subject by calling over the bartender. “Two Zero Colas please.” Hao leaned forward, “you can still drink! I will just catch you up later!” Hanbin shook his head in response, “I want to be completely sober for your performance so I can remember it perfectly.” If Hanbin was looking at Hao in that moment he would’ve seen the deep red blush creeping up his cheeks and his imperfect attempt to hide his growing smile with the back of his hand but Hanbin was focused on hiding his own reddened ears. Why was it suddenly so warm in here?

The bartender came back with two colas in an ice glass and Hanbin paid for them before Hao could even find his credit card in his wallet, “I’ve got it. For the performance.” They clanked their glasses together and took a sip, “refreshing, thank you.” Hao put down his glass, “so Hanbin. What do you do?” He knew this question would come up some time and he wished he had an answer like ‘I own a company!’ or ‘I work in a bank’ or ‘I’m neurologist’ something that would impress Hao and make him think highly of Hanbin. He didn’t know how much wedding musicians got paid or if this was even Hao’s career but he was worried if his own career would be enough to support them both. As if Hao would want to be with him anyway. “Hanbin?” He must have been sitting in silence for quite a while because Hao was leaning forward to ask him again. He shook his head, “sorry! I’m a dancer. I work at a dance company and help choreograph stages.” Hao made a noise that was somewhere in between surprise and impression, “have you worked with any celebrities?” Hanbin laughed, “not yet. I specialise in smaller productions like plays and theatre productions but I’m hoping to someday work with bigger labels.” He took another sip of his drink, wishing it was vodka instead so he wouldn’t have to face the full blow of embarrassment. But Hao didn’t seem to mind, he applauded Hanbin and said “I wish you luck! I hope you won’t forget me when you become famous.” He couldn’t help but smile mid sip, how could I forget you.

“What about you? Do you do this full time?” He pointed to Hao’s violin case which he had grabbed and quickly stored his violin in before they sat down at the bar. Hao looked over and shook his head, “I wish to but it isn’t financially stable for me at the moment. I graduated two years ago and I work in a small theatre production company in my hometown now, managing their productions.” Hanbin watched as a sort of uncomfortable sorrow crept up his face. “I thought I could get an orchestra job as soon as I graduated,” he snorted a fed up laugh, “but isn’t that just an artist’s curse? You can’t keep creating art forever in this world. That’s why I do this!” He was trying so hard to keep up a happy face but Hanbin knew he was hurting, “you do this because you love it.” Hao nodded, “I told Professor Myung’s family that I would do it for free but they insisted on at least paying for my travel and hotel. They said that they would even reimburse me for what I would be earning during these couple of days off of work.” Hanbin wanted so badly to get a well earning job. He wanted to work in corporate or finance, something boring and repetitive so that he could use his salary to help fund Hao’s international work and allow him to play the violin forever, to never give up his dream. “I hope someday it can work out for you. There will be a way to do both,” He wanted to reach out and hold Hao’s hand but to do that to someone you didn’t know an hour ago would be highly inappropriate. Hao pouted, “I was actually thinking of quitting this year. My hours at the theatre will increase for the winter season and they need someone to also handle their admin and finances, I already volunteered. I guess my musical career ends tonight.” Hanbin frowned, "absolutely not!” Hao jumped at Hanbin’s sudden serious tone. “Who else will play Bach number 2 sharp in that minor you talked about earlier!” Hao laughed a booming contagious laughter which had the two of them clutching their stomachs. It took almost twenty seconds for them to calm back down, “please don’t give up. I will hire you for my birthday next year so you need to keep practicing for that special event!” Hao smiled to himself. Even if one person believed in you, wasn’t that enough?

Gunwook’s voice boomed over the speakers again, “can I ask everyone to return back to their seats as we are beginning dinner service in just a moment. Thank you!” Hao finished his drink with a few heavy gulps, “you can take it with you. Slow down.” Hao placed his glass on the counter, “I win!” He hopped down off the stool, ignoring Hanbin’s comment. He turned to grab his violin case from the counter and smiled, bowing slightly to Hanbin, “find me later!” and he skipped off into the crowd of busy people trying to find their seats. Hanbin watched him go, his hair bouncing behind him as he skipped away. 

He imagined what it would be like if they had attended together; if people looked at him and thought “Sung Hanbin and Zhang Hao are here” and not just “Sung Hanbin is here”. If everyone just assumed they’d be arriving and leaving the venue together, perhaps even holding each other for a few moments on the dance floor as they swayed to the music. Hanbin would be carrying Hao’s violin case and helping him set up for his solo, making sure his tie was perfectly straight. Hanbin would have to move the strand of hair that had fallen into his eyes as he was tuning the instrument. Or perhaps Hanbin would be going to get Hao’s favourite alcoholic drink at the bar, ready for when he is finished chatting to the onlookers who enjoyed his performance. What drink would he prefer? Beer? Or something more sweet? Hanbin didn’t know yet but he was going to find out. He was going to find out every single thing about Zhang Hao so that maybe one day in the future, these actions would all come natural to him, something he didn’t even need to ask.

Hanbin swallowed the rest of his drink and placed it on the bar. He walked quickly through the bustling crowd to get to his table again, finding that the rest of his friends had already sat down and were half way through discussing the four course meal they were about to be served. Hanbin squeezed into his seat, trying not to bring any attention to himself but as soon as he’d pulled his seat in Matthew spun around, “where have you been?” Hanbin narrowed his eyes, “just walking around.” He wasn’t buying it, “by yourself?” “Of course. I just stopped and talked to a few people along the way.” He reached forward and pretended to survey the menu, “hmm clams?” “Who did you talk to?” He sighed, “Saeko and her mom.” It wasn’t technically a lie but why didn’t he just say “the violinist.” This option was ultimately worse. At the mention of her name, Gyuvin and Gunwook also looked towards him, obviously wanting some gossip. “There’s nothing to say, her mom just wanted to ask how my family was, that's all!” Gyuvin laughed, “I heard she has a thing for you and begged her mom to ask you out.” He frowned, “who told you that?” but Gyuvin’s secrets were concealed. 

The waiters came round with the first course, passing out plates of soup to everyone on the table. Hanbin was thankful for the attention to be moved from him yet again and whispered under his breath, “besides, I wanted a chance to meet the violin guy.” But Matthew heard him loud and clear, as if he was waiting for the confession, “I knew it!” Hanbin jumped. “I knew you had the hots for him. God, you couldn’t stop staring at him.” Hanbin tried to reach over to put his hands over Matthew’s mouth to stop him from talking more but Matthew grabbed his hands before he could do anything, making Gunwook laugh. He leaned into Hanbin’s ear and whispered, “I can help you get together if you’d like?” It was as if speaking about him summoned him into existence; Zhang Hao came to sit on the opposite side of Gunwook, bringing a friend with him. He bowed to them all, “I’m so sorry but our table seems to have run out of seats and the staff told us that there were two available here.” He spoke formally in a polite tone of voice and Matthew couldn’t help but steal glances at Hanbin whose eyes filled with adoration as he watched Hao scoot into the empty seat.

Hao didn’t notice Hanbin was on the same table until he had sat down and pushed his chair in. They looked at each other shyly from across the table, Hao lowering his gaze as he smiled. They started digging into their soups, sharing the bread from the middle of the table and began to chat about how beautiful the venue was and how gorgeous the bride’s dress was. Hanbin couldn’t participate much, he didn’t even remember what the dress looked like but who could blame him, he was too ‘distracted’. Gunwook took the pleasure of introducing all of them to Hao and his friend; he stood up and pointed them out one by one, “That is Yujin, our youngest and definitely cutest friend. Gyuvin is quite skilled when it comes to languages so if you need help with travelling he is the one to talk to. Jiwoong back there is a photographer. Hanbin who will most likely be the most annoying on the dance floor so watch out for him.” Hao laughed at the mention of Hanbin, the two of them stealing glances back and forth like they were two highschoolers crushing on one another in a cafeteria. Gunwook turned to Matthew, “and this is Matthew. He makes up for his height in temper.” Matthew reached over and slapped him, “hey!” When everyone had finished laughing Hao stood up himself, bowing and thanking each of them in turn, “thank you. I’m Zhang Hao.” He looked at Hanbin briefly before continuing, “and I play the violin. Nice to meet you all.” It was short but his words held so much emotion and for some reason, Hanbin was proud of him. He picked up his friend, “and this is Ricky, my friend who is travelling with me so I’m not too lonely.” He bowed to each of them and quietly muttered some introduction, pausing longer than anticipated on Gyuvin, clearly taken aback by him.

The first course was finished quickly, the table sharing what was left of the bread afterwards and making it last until the second course was passed around. The waiters brought them fillet mignon with a sauce drizzle that formed a love heart on the side of the plate. They dug in, “So Zhang Hao,” Gyuvin began, “is this your job then? Playing the violin?” Hanbin watched as Hao took a bite of his steak and nodded, “I work at a theatre in China full time!” Gyuvin applauded, “wow. It must be so cool playing the violin in a big place for a job!” Hao didn’t mention that he was part of the admin team and playing violin was his side job and Hanbin didn’t feel the need to mention it either. 

The conversation flowed quickly from topic to topic; “how do you like Korea?” “Your Korean is really good for someone who only studied it for two years!” “Have you ever been to Europe?” Hao answered each of Hanbin’s friend’s questions with ease, laughing with them and telling jokes of his own. It was almost like he’d been there with them at college, an old friend perhaps. Hanbin used the opportunity to ask some questions of his own, “when do you travel back?” he shouted over the music. Hao tilted his head, “in four days actually!” Matthew watched the exchange between the two of them and smirked before adding, “do you have a woman waiting for you at home Zhang Hao?” Hanbin almost choked on his food but Hao only smiled, “No one is waiting for me. And definitely not a girl.” Matthew raised his eyebrows to encourage him to keep going. “I’m into guys,” Hao looked directly into Hanbin’s eyes across the table as he said it and time seemed to stop for the second time that night. The cute staring moment didn’t last very long as Matthew reached over and pulled Hanbin into a tight bro hug, “Hanbin here is also single and gay. You should talk!” Hanbin thought his face must have been the same color as the filet mignon red sauce. He wanted to crawl under the table and remain there for the rest of the night. He rested his head in his hands, “thanks Matthew.” He looked over to Hao who was laughing, taking a sip of his drink and instead of being embarrassed or appalled by Matthew’s comment he put his drink down and said, “I will gladly consider it,” with another glance towards Hanbin. He is going to be the death of me.

They finished the meal and dessert was brought around almost immediately after the empty plates were removed. They ate while Hao turned the tables and instead asked Yujin and Gyuvin some questions about themselves. They found common interests within food and travel and Yujin was enthralled with Hao’s talk about durian cake back in his hometown, asking him for the recipe so he could make it at home. Hanbin was glad of the opportunity to learn more about Hao’s hometown and his favourite foods. After all, he needed to know all these things for when he’d be flying to China to meet his family.

They had been talking about their University degrees when the doors swung open and the bride and groom came back into the hall. They had changed into more comfortable attire for the evening but still dazzled as they walked past the lights and towards Hanbin’s table. Jihan spotted a few of her friends sitting nearby and ran over to them. Jaehyun scurried around the table to where Hao was sitting and pulled him up out of his chair and into a tight hug, “I had no idea! You made me cry, you fool!” He pushed back for a moment to look at Hao in the eyes before bringing him back into a hug. Hao laughed and Hanbin watched as he practically melted into Jaehyun’s arms. “Everyone, this is Zhang Hao if you don’t know him already. I’d ask for his autograph and picture tonight because he's going to become a star one day,” everyone laughed but Hanbin believed it. He watched the way Hao’s face lit up at his Professor’s words and he could do nothing but clap along, wishing it to the heavens that Jaehyun’s words spoke some truth for the future.

Jaehyun made his way around the table, high fiving and hugging each of the guys until he got to Hanbin. He allowed himself to be hoisted out of his chair, turning around to embrace Jaehyun. “It was beautiful. I’m so happy for you,” he whispered into his ear before they broke contact. He hit Hanbin on the back thanking him before turning to the table and announcing, “well, I think it's time for me to dance with my wife.” He signalled for Hao to follow him and Hanbin watched as he finished the final bite of his dessert and got up, straightening his suit jacket and hopping around the table running to catch up with Jaehyun. He came behind Hanbin and leaned in, his breath brushing against his ear, causing a shiver to run down his spine. “Can you take a video for me?” He passed Hanbin his phone and adopted his cutest pout, as if Hanbin would say no anyway… Hanbin nodded, getting up out of his seat to say some phrase of acceptance but Hao had already bound off; running like a puppy to grab his violin case.

Hanbin took the phone in his hand to the corner of the dance floor where a couple tables had been moved to make more room. He opened it to the camera feature, taking note of the cute lockscreen picture of Hao and what appeared to be his two dogs. He watched in awe as Hao took his violin carefully out of its case and it was as if he was transported to another world yet again, watching as the lights dimmed and a spotlight shone on Hao and the couple. Hanbin’s breath turned shallow. It was just him and Hao. The first note came and then another, taking over Hanbin’s body like a pied piper. Jihan and Jaehyun waltzed across the floor, staring into each other’s eyes lovingly but Hanbin couldn’t take his gaze off of Hao; his eyes closed as he lost himself in the music just like earlier. He truly hadn’t ever come across someone so perfect. He needed him.

He tried his very best to keep the phone steady as he videoed Hao playing but every so often he would betray himself and peek out over the top of the camera, hoping to get a glimpse for himself. The phone would eventually wobble and he’d have to give up, focusing again on the phone screen to keep him in frame. This happened at least four times before the song was over, Hao looking over to Hanbin with a thumbs up to confirm the video was taken. Hanbin mouthed back an “I hope so,” making Hao laugh and roll his eyes before continuing with his next song. Gunwook asked all the couples to join the two in the middle for a dance and Hanbin realised that half the attendees were crying, trying to wipe their tears with the tissues being passed around. He turned to Matthew, still clutching Hao’s phone carefully in his hand, “why is everyone crying?” Matthew also rolled his eyes at him, “you were too busy looking at loverboy to watch their first dance?” He shrugged, “he asked for a video!” 

More couples joined the dance floor, holding each other and swaying to Hao’s violin and Hanbin used the opportunity to not only get more videos of Hao but to ask Jiwoong to take some professional photos of him as well, “he needs some for his portfolio!” was his excuse to pull him away from four posing women waiting for their pictures taken. He watched as Hao posed for the camera, looking like he was born for this. Hanbin wasn’t religious but he thought he could be if this was who he was meant to worship. 

Hao finished his solo and after bowing to the audience and receiving a standing ovation, put his violin back into its case. The wedding DJ was then announced and played some more contemporary songs for the rest of the night, inviting anyone and everyone to get up and party. Hanbin walked over to Hao, applauding in his face for the performance and passing back his phone, “that was perfect…” Hao blushed, “thank you!” He swung his case over his shoulder and the two of them began to walk through the tables to get to the cloak room, “I hope your offer for a drink still holds?” Hao handed the cloakroom staff his violin case carefully, the woman quickly muttering compliments on his talents. Hanbin’s stomach did a backflip, “of course. What do you prefer?” He was already fishing his credit card out of his wallet, “It’s on me.”

Hanbin ordered a beer for himself and Hao got a vodka lemonade. The two of them sat at the bar for a while, watching how the dance floor got more and more busy. Hanbin took the chance to get to know Hao better, “the dogs on your lockscreen, are they yours?” Hao seemed to light up at the question, he nodded while taking a sip of his drink through a straw, “they are my family dogs. NiuNiu and BaoBao are their names.” “So cute,” Hanbin smiled, searching his pockets for his own phone and showing the lockscreen of two pomeranians. Hao’s eyes opened wide, “so cute!!!” “My family dogs, Gwansim and Bori.” Hao scrunched his eyebrows for a second, “Interest and Barley?” Hanbin laughed, covering his mouth with his hand, “yeah! Actually my parents named them. Gwansim needed a lot of attention when he was a puppy and we found Bori in a Barley field so the names just made sense.” Hao’s heart warmed, “so you must be quite close with your family?” He nodded, “family means everything to me.” A couple seconds passed where they didn’t say anything but just took more sips of their drinks, “what does NiuNiu and BaoBao mean?” Hao tried his best not to laugh at Hanbin’s pronunciation, finding it cute. “NiuNiu means little girl and BaoBao means baby!” Hanbin had to look away and focus on the wallpaper above him to stop the butterflies invading his stomach at Hao’s “baby.” “What do you like to do on your days off?” He turned back to Hao at his question and could’ve sworn he saw him smiling up at him before he looked back at his drink, “I enjoy walking and finding new places. Lately I’ve been into perfumes. I wanted to try a new ‘make your own scent’ store in Seongsu!” “Mmm! I enjoy it too. I like to try new restaurants that are trending.” This was Hanbin’s chance, “we should try it sometime!” He waited patiently for Hao to say ‘actually I’m seeing someone’ or ‘I’m not interested in you like that’ but those words never came. Instead, Hao put on a light tone of voice and said, “I’d love that!” He then proceeded to pass Hanbin his unlocked phone, “put your number in my phone,” and Hanbin did, with a huge smile on his face feeling accomplished. 

“Would you like to dance?” He felt unstoppable at this moment, finishing his drink with one last swig. Hao mimicked the move and finished his own drink, shouting to the waiter for another order of the same two. “I would be delighted!” Hanbin offered Hao his credit card to pay for the next round of drinks but he ignored it, making the two of them race for the contactless button, “you can’t pay for everything!” Hao whined when he lost. Hanbin put his card back in his wallet, “what if I want to?” He’d seen Hao pout twice in his life, twice in the past three hours but for some reason, he was adamant he’d never see something else that would make him feel like this; his cute lips and whiny tone of voice, his face heated up at the sound of it.

The waiter came back with two drinks and they migrated to the dance floor, gently swaying to the music to not spill any beverage on the floor. Hanbin thought he was going to collapse each time he spied Hao stealing glances and smiling up at him, his eyes curving into half moons. He took his time to map out his moles like constellations, wondering if the theory of a past life lover’s kisses were true. Would he kiss Hao in those locations too? He didn’t know if it was the alcohol thinking or what, but he leant in, just a breath away from Hao’s face and shouted over the music, “I think you’re really pretty by the way.” Hao jumped, not expecting the sudden compliment and quickly looked down to the floor to hide his blushing face but Hanbin was too far gone, he carefully grabbed his chin and tilted it upwards. From this distance he could feel Hao’s breath brush against his cheek and the two of them just stared at each other for what felt like an eternity, looking back and forth between each other’s eyes. Hanbin thought he could stay there forever and he would have, had it not been for the drunk guy stumbling into Hao and making him spill a little bit of his drink down Hanbin’s shirt. “Oh my, I’m so sorry!” He quickly tried to wipe the alcohol off his shirt but Hanbin was more concerned about Hao being hurt. He reached over Hao to push the drunk guy away, “hey, you should watch where you’re going. You just spilled his drink,” but the guy didn’t care, he continued dancing, almost hitting into Hao again. Hanbin grabbed Hao’s hand and pulled him out of the way before pushing the guy more aggressively. He didn’t know where this sudden possessiveness flared from but seeing anyone touch Hao made him itch. 

Hao grabbed at Hanbin’s shirt, “I’m okay. I’m more worried about your shirt.” He was still using his fingers to scratch out the substance even though his drink was only a vodka lemonade. Hanbin brought his attention back to Hao, “It’s okay, I will wash it tonight.” He smiled brightly at Hao, who reciprocated and they both moved away from the crowd, enjoying the quietness of a corner anyway. They didn’t notice that they were still holding hands, Hanbin’s encasing Hao’s. 

The night went on, music blasting and guests singing and shouting into the early hours of the morning. Hanbin had had three more beers by the time Matthew came to find him. Once he spotted them, he ran over, throwing his arms around Hanbin, “you two seem to be getting along!” He smirked between them both, making noises of approval. Hanbin was too tipsy to pretend he didn’t have a thing for Hao anymore, “I think he is very interesting and kind.” Matthew nodded, “And Hao…” he turned his head to Hao who was pursing his lips so as to not smile, “what do you think of my dear friend Hanbin?” He laughed, “Are you some kind of relationship advisor?” Relationship. Hanbin bit his lip. “Relationship? You are moving fast!” Matthew applauded them even as they waved their hands in denial to his face. Hanbin knew the only way to relieve the spotlight on them both was to throw it back in Matthew’s face. “And what about you and Gunwook? Going anywhere nice lately?” He smirked as he watched Matthew’s face grow redder and redder. He let go of both of their shoulders, “I was just heading to the bathroom actually!” Hanbin melted into himself at the sound of Hao’s laugh in his ears as Matthew slipped past them both and ran towards the bathroom. They watched him disappear past the door and then turned back to each other, wiping the tears from their eyes. Hao took a deep breath, “so that date we were talking about earlier?” Hanbin looked back at him, stars in his eyes, “are you agreeing to my offer?” Hao nodded, pouting his lips for the third time this evening. “I’ll free up my schedule!” He thought back to his schedule for a week, already imagining what to say to his mom when he’d call her tonight to cancel their scheduled dinner. 

The night ended after Jaehyun’s friends, including Hanbin, performed a silly speech honoring him and Jihan that made all the guests laugh and some of them cry. Hanbin spotted Hao off to the side, laughing with them while recording on his phone. Afterwards the bride and groom went around thanking everyone for attending and wishing everyone to write in a small book a little message to them both as a memorabilia. Hanbin finished his letter by wishing them health and happiness and went to grab his bag and jacket. He had no sooner grabbed them when he saw Hao talking with his Professor, he turned back to the cloakroom assistant and leaned over the counter, “can I grab Zhang Hao’s belongings as well? The violin and the small bag.” The assistant handed him the bag and case carefully and he walked over to them. When he saw what he was holding, Jaehyun sent a sly smirk his way. Hao turned to Hanbin who was towering behind him, “oh! You didn’t have to.” Jaehyun bowed to them, “have a nice night you two.”

Without thinking, Hanbin offered Hao his jacket, wrapping it around his shoulders. “Can I walk you to your taxi?” Hao allowed himself to be wrapped up in Hanbin’s scent as he walked them both out, bowing to the remaining guests as they went. The air was cold outside and Hao even snuggled further into Hanbin’s chest as he walked them over to a bench near the road, relishing in the warmth it brought. “The sky is pretty,” Hao was looking up at the stars but Hanbin was looking at Hao, the way his eyes reflected the sky. “I can think of something prettier,” he said it almost as a half joke, Hao could just laugh if he wanted to and they could move on from his stupid attempt at flirting. Hao instead looked back at Hanbin, “you are a very flirtatious man.” Hanbin laughed, “only with you.” He couldn’t stop himself, the words just spilled out, “and where did you even learn that word? Flirtatious!” Hao narrowed his eyes, “flirtatious AND jealous? Wow, what did I sign up for?” 

Hanbin rocked back and forth, exchanging little flirty comments with Hao while still holding his violin case. “Here,” he reached into his wallet and pulled out a small sticker sheet of Ditto, the pokemon character. He held it in front of Hao, “which one?” Hao pretended to think hard but eventually picked the big one in the middle, “my favourite one.” He peeled it off and stuck it to the violin case, “so you don’t forget me.” Hao looked up at him through his long eyelashes, “why would I?” 

Just then, the sound of a car turning the corner brought them back to reality, “is it yours?” Hao checked his phone and confirmed the taxi was his, coming to steal him away. Hanbin felt his heart race quicken at the thought of Hao leaving him. He knew it eventually had to happen but what if Hao wouldn’t even message him? He didn’t have Hao’s number… Hao stood up, reaching over to grab his violin case from Hanbin and swapping it for his jacket. “No!” He jumped, “I mean. Keep the jacket. It’s cold outside and besides, it gives me an excuse to see you again.” Hao smiled, “we already agreed on a date!” But Hanbin still refused, throwing the jacket back around Hao’s shoulders and securing one of the buttons near his waist. 

The taxi driver pulled up next to the road side and waited for Hao to climb in the back but he was too busy getting lost in Hanbin’s eyes, flickering his gaze down to his lips. Was he going to kiss me? Hanbin thought, his hands beginning to shake. Hao’s eyelids fluttered shut and Hanbin took the opportunity, grabbing his waist delicately and pulling him ever so closer to connect their lips. They were soft and tasted like lemonade, he could lose himself like this forever and he wouldn’t mind. He pulled away, not wanting to rush into things and wanting to savour the chase but Hao grabbed the back of his head and deepened the kiss on his own. It quickly turned from a peck to a small makeout, grabbing his hair and pulling his head to the side. When Hao eventually let go he was smiling, his lips a wet mess and slightly swollen. Hanbin’s hair was messy and his ears were a deep red, this was insane. The taxi driver beeped the horn to hurry them up, clearly not wanting to witness another round of whatever the hell that was. “I’ll message you,” was all Hao said before skipping down to get in the taxi. Hanbin stood waving at the car as it drove away, watching until it disappeared out of sight. That’s when he looked up to the stars and wished on every single one of them that that was not the last time he’d see Zhang Hao, the violin player that stole his heart.

It took a while for Hanbin to leave his spot on the pavement, some of him wondering if Hao would come running back down the path to stay with him a little while longer. His lips were still tingling from the kiss and his brain was floating somewhere near ecstasy and heaven. His heart was burning even though he was sure that it was near freezing temperatures. He needed Hao’s touch and now that he had had a taste of it, he was sure he wasn’t going to let go of it. 

He spun around on his heels, beginning the small trek back up to the venue, suddenly feeling very sober. He was about to swing open the door when his phone vibrated in his pocket. He spent no time fishing it out and opening the message.

+86 0599 12345

Hey! It’s Zhang Hao. Thanks for tonight, I had a lot of fun.

Looking forward to meeting you again!

Hanbin read the message three times over with a smile on his face. He saved Hao’s number and typed a reply.

Hanbin

Hao! It’s Hanbin. I had a nice night, get home safe!

Give me a list of restaurants you want to try. I’ll surprise you!

Upon re-entering the building, he realised that a lot of his friends had already left, probably to continue drinking someplace else. Jaehyun spotted him and ran over. He threw his arms around his shoulders, “where have you been?” He couldn’t help but smile, “I think I just met the love of my life.”

᭝ ᨳଓ ՟

Hanbin met Hao at a very uncertain time in his life. He wasn’t meeting up with his friends, he was barely keeping a job, and his love life was nonexistent. Going to Jaehyun’s wedding was a last minute decision; he was in town anyway, wouldn’t it be nice to see everyone again? He’d often look back at that night; the whimsical pink tone of lighting, the smell of champagne and cotton candy, the laughter of friends he hadn’t heard in years, and of course, Zhang Hao. He never stopped thinking about Zhang Hao. Even after years had come and gone, he still thought about him when he heard a violin, every time he saw the colour pink–the colour of his lips that night, or every time he smelled the off scent of lemons. The thing was, Hao was always on his mind, it was like he’d caught a love disease that would last for the rest of his life and Hanbin wasn’t certain he even wanted to find a cure. Meeting Hao had been a turning point in his life. He no longer saw marriage as a chain or a curse but more of a promise, a privilege; something that he was open to. He watched how Jaehyun and Jihan’s relationship developed even further after their marriage, even welcoming a daughter and he wondered don’t I deserve something like that? 

The building looked incredibly fancy from the outside; gold coating on all of the windows, luxury balconies where ribbons hung and flapped dramatically in the wind. It was situated next to the water front, overlooking the yachts in the bay and stood tall in front of the vast outline of the city. It was Hanbin’s second time in Macau, the first time had been five years ago when they had gotten the news that Zhang Hao was invited to join the Macau Royal Orchestra House and would be moving from Seoul to live in Macau full time. Hanbin wanted to visit more often but his work had also taken off and the two of them were thrown into busy schedules. Hao only played three days a week and would more often than not travel to Seoul on the weekends just to be with Hanbin. They’d spend their time trying out new restaurants and leaving reviews online about the best and worst places. Hao had picked up a pretty large fanbase from his time in Macau. His social media presence was growing and everyone was speculating if he and the ‘guy he keeps meeting in Korea’ were dating. 

Hanbin looked out over the ocean, trying to calm his nerves with deep breathing. Hao’s staff members surrounded him with words of encouragement. They knew he was coming today, he’d talked with them for months over the phone and through zoom calls, making sure that everything could run smoothly and today was finally the day. He was going to ask Hao to be his, forever. “It’s time,” one of them whispered to him, not wanting to break his confidence so quickly. He nodded and turned to face them.

The show was already past the interval but Hanbin couldn’t bring himself to sit through it. He wanted to watch his boyfriend perform but each time he looked at him on that stage, smiling to all his fans and sponsors, he felt like he was going to be sick. He eventually had to excuse himself from the building, Hao’s staff running after him. They walked back inside now, his hand rubbing his chest to calm himself as he asked a million questions. “Are you sure he doesn’t know that I’m here?” “No sir. We haven’t mentioned a thing.” “Has he not said anything?” “He has complained multiple times that you’ve been ignoring his texts and calls.” “What if I mess up my speech?” At this moment the staff member was already fed up with him, pushing him through the stage door and telling him to be quiet, “the show is on.”

Inside, the building spans five floors, each of them having an entrance to a balcony where the audience could be seated for the show. Hanbin had watched a multitude of Hao’s shows, travelling to China, USA, Italy, UK, and even Mexico for them. The Zhang Hao of six years ago would have never believed a guy he’d just met that night when he told him to not give up his dreams but something about Hanbin had made him want to try harder, to not give up on his dream. He’d gone home the next week and tried again. ‘5 auditions’ he told himself, ‘and then I’ll give up.’ Hanbin had messaged and called him every day since he left Korea, asking for updates. Most of the time it was “it went well but I’m not what they were looking for.” But then a miracle happened, the fifth audition. He’d gone in not expecting much, he’d played the first song that he performed at Jaehyun’s wedding, the one Hanbin said he loved the most and had gotten a standing ovation from the judges, one even wiping a shy tear from her face. Two weeks later he received a letter of acceptance from a small theatre in Shenzhen. He would be working five days a week and workshopping on Saturdays but the work was good and the pay was decent. He’d only been there a year when a scout had spotted him at one of the shows and asked him if he was willing to join a tour company. Two years later he had toured the world on an amateur orchestra show and was now back in Seoul, working full time as a violin teacher. Hanbin would pick him up after every single one of his classes and eventually, he asked him to be his boyfriend.

That was a couple years ago and Hao thought that his life couldn’t get any better, his dreams had come true after all; he was earning a living doing what he loved, he’d moved in with Hanbin into a perfect apartment with a Han River view and they were even talking about adopting a puppy together. But then a surprise phone call came, the same talent scout from Shenzhen, asking if he’d be down to audition for the opening of first chair violinist in the Macau Royal Orchestra. His heart had practically stopped at the question. Yes. A million times yes. But that would mean leaving Hanbin behind... He couldn’t do that. 

Once he’d told Hanbin about the phone call, it was all Hanbin would talk about. “No, you have to go. You must go. For me.” Even in the middle of the night when the two of them were tangled up in bedsheets, Hanbin would whisper into the darkness, “please go. It’s all you’ve ever wanted.” Hao would put up an argument about how it could potentially ruin their relationship and some days it would even end with one of them sleeping on the couch. Eventually Hao did go. Through tears and promises and long hugs at the departure gate, he left his life in Seoul behind. “I promise it won’t be for long.” “I promise I’ll come visit.” “I promise I’ll be okay.” “I love you.” 

They’d gone back to calling long distance every night. “How is Macau?” “Are you eating enough?” “Do you miss me?” “How is work?” Luckily they were only apart for a couple of months during Hao’s extensive training and rehearsals; once he started performing, he’d travel back to Seoul every weekend. This was around the time where Hanbin picked up his new choreographer job. He transferred to a well-known K-pop company and worked closely with idols, helping them with their end of year shows and big stage performances. It wasn’t stable work but he was paid an ungodly amount, which of course went straight into money he would spend on Hao. 

Hao first noticed that he was famous when a Chinese tourist asked for his autograph during one of his dates with Hanbin in Seoul. They had kept up their tradition of trying a new restaurant every time Hao came back home, updating their shared Naver maps with new places each week. Hao would record a video of the place and upload it to XiaoHongShu. He originally thought this account was the reason that people had started recognising him but it was actually through his musician work. His comment section would be filled with “our HaoHao working so hard as a restaurant reviewer when he clocks out of the orchestra,” or “full time foodie, half time violinist.” Sometimes he’d post cute challenges or dance videos on Douyin and the comments would be the same until Hao started including Hanbin in these videos too. At first he’d blur Hanbin’s face, not wanting the attraction he was facing online to affect him in person too–Hanbin still had to work a normal job after all. But eventually, in the past couple of months, people were finding his face anyway and Hanbin had gained almost 200k followers on Instagram, fans deeming him “Zhang Hao’s mystery ‘friend’.”

He was walking now with Hao’s staff past the stalls to reach the backstage area when a girl asked him for a picture. The staff quickly shut it down but Hanbin was still left confused, “a picture with me?” the girl ran to her friends, screaming, “I just met Hao’s boyfriend!” The staff laughed at the look on Hanbin’s face as he skipped off through the backstage door, “they know?” “Hanbin, you two have been shipped online for years now. Do you not read the stuff online?” Hanbin’s ears burned, “I only use my phone to message Hao…”

From backstage, Hanbin had a good view of the orchestra. Luckily, he was in the dark so no one could see him as he approached. Hao would have to be within a metre of him to fully be able to recognise his face, it was perfect. He looked around the room, the stage was fully decked out with chairs for the musicians, a raised platform at the front for the conductor with a small space next to it for Hao, who had the privilege of being the only violinist with his own solo. This specific solo would run for almost two minutes and, given the memo, Hao’s fellow musicians would quietly leave the stage and give Hanbin room to come in. Looking at them now, Hanbin shuddered. There were so many of them, how could they possibly all know what to do?

He looked further, to the audience. Hundreds if not thousands of people. Fuck. He knew it was one of Hao’s sold out shows but seeing it in person was so much worse than he imagined. Most of them had their phones out taking videos. Even some of his boyfriend’s loyal fansites were sitting with huge tripods and cameras, snapping photos as he joined in with the current song they were performing.

“He’s on in three minutes.” A staff member ran by, announcing to everyone that it was almost time. Hanbin’s hands were sweaty and no amount of rubbing them against his suit pants was going to help him. He’d known for six years that he wanted to marry Hao, from the moment he first saw him he knew he would die trying to make him his. He remembered now, seeing him walk out at Jaehyun’s wedding with the violin and playing the first note, transporting Hanbin to somewhere else, perhaps even here to this very room. He reminisced now at the first sound of the violin solo, how the music seemed to drift through the room, making anyone listening feel like they were floating in the air. 

Hanbin listened to the audience gasp, everyone hanging on to every note that the violin made. Hao was closing his eyes, lost in the notes. He didn’t see when everyone behind him slowly picked up their instruments and filed into the backstage area. Staff members also ran on stage and picked up the chairs left behind. The conductor bowed to the audience, leaving them confused as to what was happening. Was this part of the show? This didn’t happen when I watched it last week! Hanbin breathed heavily, watching the confused onlookers take out more phones to video. Someone patted him on the back, “Sung Hanbin, It’s now or never.”

He stepped out onto the stage, bowing to the audience from the edge as they began squealing when they recognised who it was walking up behind Hao. He was still finishing his solo, dragging out the last note and dropping his bow to his side. He opened his eyes, looking for the conductor to signal when the next song would begin but was instead met with an empty platform. He turned, frowning when he found that not only was his conductor gone but his entire team had left the stage, leaving only Hanbin standing a couple metres behind him. I thought he was in Seoul? What is this?

Hao smiled, his eyes already beginning to well up just at the sight of Hanbin. They’d seen each other only two weeks ago but it had felt like a lifetime to him. Hanbin tried his best to not cry, he hadn’t even spoken a word to him yet but just seeing Hao made him choke up. That was his whole world.

He picked up a microphone and began to read out what he had written on a small piece of paper, “Zhang Hao. You’re probably confused and really angry at me for stopping the show.” He quickly looked past Hao at all his fans in the audience, “I’m sorry everyone.” His fans laughed at his attempt to speak Chinese, some fans had already begun crying at their favourite ship being in front of their eyes. “But I promise that it will be fast,” his hands began to visibly shake and he had to take a moment to breathe. He focused on Zhang Hao, “Hao… Ever since I first met you six years ago I knew you were the one.” Fans in the audience waited for the translator over the intercom before screaming, some of them even jumping out of their seats and trying to get closer to the stage. “I knew from our second date that I was going to marry you someday or at least die trying to,” he made the mistake of looking at Hao’s face, already stained with tears. He held his violin bow over his face and nodded to encourage him to keep going, unable to form any words. “Every day I have loved you and I will never stop loving you until the day that I die,” Hanbin was crying now, his voice shaking through the tears. “I promise… that every moment I will care for you, just as I have for the past six years.” His voice cracked, “you are my everything and I don’t know what I would do if I didn’t have you so…” He reached into his suit pocket and grabbed a small black box and getting down on one knee asked, “will you do the honour of becoming my husband?”

Hao dropped his violin on the ground, his conductor and staff wincing as it bounced on the wood and ran into Hanbin’s arms while nodding at least twenty times. Hanbin stood up to meet him, wrapping his arms around him and bringing him into a long kiss. Hao’s fans and reporters made sure to get the perfect angle for a photo. Hao’s staff and the other musicians all ran onto the stage, cheering and throwing blue and pink confetti onto the two of them as they kissed, holding each other in their arms. Hanbin put the ring on Hao’s finger with shaky hands, still trying to calm his breathing. 

He was going to marry Zhang Hao.