Chapter Text
Of course his first soldering job had not stood the test of time. So now here he was, redoing it because the microscope had decided to break right when he should be checking the taumeoba under it.
It never took him a long time to do it. After all, the mission had provided plenty of opportunities to practice this particular skill. He just did not want to practice it when he should have been done with the last controls on the breeder tanks. No, should be in bed.
Grace's body agreed with the statement. His eyes would much rather be closed than looking at the wiring on the desk in front of him. A vent whirred as it drew the fumes away from him. The even sound was almost soothing, like white noise machine. Said noise also drowned out any other sound that might be coming from the ship's other rooms, so Grace was in his own work bubble.
At the same time, his back and shoulders voiced their complaints about sitting hunched over a desk all day. And if that was not enough, his wings were aching. Being drawn close against his back for hours on end would do that.
Had he been in his old lab, on Earth, or at the desk in his apartment, he could have let them relax and slump down. That would have felt amazing. In the lab on Hail Mary, that was never an option. Surrounded by delicate equipment, he had to be mindful of the little space around him at all times.
Grateful as he was for the lab coat they had packed for him, he also wanted to throw it out of the airlock sometimes. The strap at the back, the one that kept his wings where they were folded against his back, felt less than comfortable.
At least it kept him from accidentally relaxing his wings and knocking them into something. He had been lucky that he had not yet broken anything too essential yet.
"Done fixing, question?"
Grace turned his head just enough so that he could see Rocky from the corner of his eye. Rocky must have heard Grace sit still for a second and assumed he was done. Grace's focus returned to the project before he spoke, "Almost, but I still need to check how the taumeoba are doing when it's fixed. And how about you?"
"Finished maintenance on ball. Now I wait for you. Next project is for working on when watching Grace sleep." Ah, so his alien enforced bedtime was coming into effect.
Grace nodded while he worked. The tiny screws were a pain to handle when he was this tired. Normally he would chat with Rocky while he worked. Just not when his mind and body were screaming at him to get some sleep.
Once the panel was back in place, he could get started on his original task.
Lens adjusted and focused, he could see the little organisms wiggling around on the slides. So, the population was stable and they looked like they always did. Every breeder tank was doing just as it should.
As always, be made sure to dispose of each sample and check the little slide of astrophage. It was black as usual, meaning no taumeoba outbreaks.
This was his permission to finally leave his desk.
"Alright, Rock, I'm heading to bed now. No more science for me today." He stifled a yawn.
Just as Grace tuned and headed to the dormitory, his foot banged into the nearest set of drawers. He let out a high-pitched yelp at the pain that shot through him.
Worse, embarrassment shot through him. He had let the sound escape him in his surprise.
Rocky startled at the noises. "Grace is okay, question?"
He swallowed the shame. It burned in his chest. "Yeah, just clumsy." He nodded and darted to the dormitory.
Grace skipped his usual get-ready-to-sleep routine. Anything to avoid talking about what that was. Instead, he slipped off his shoes and did not even bother changing out of his day-clothes.
Just when he closed his eyes, Rocky came in and settled on the other side of the barrier.
"Goodnight, Rock," Grace said.
An ache woke him up. Of course it did. He had completely neglected to stretch out yesterday, so his body was taking revenge.
One of his wings had slid halfway off the mattress. The other had not, thanks to the wall on that side. A dull hurt had settled in both of them still.
Grace stumbled - hah - out of his bed.
"Morning," he said to Rocky, who was still in the same spot. "Gonna go eat," he warned. His hand scrubbed at his face as he tried to wake himself up. Everything in his body felt heavy. He let his wings drag a little along the floor on his way.
Eating guaranteed him some time to wake up and stew in his thoughts before he had to actually face the day. Although eating was the nice way of putting it. It was more like forcing himself to swallow some coma slurry and chase it with water. Today he took his time with it, let himself take a break between the dreaded mouthfuls. The artificial lights did nothing for the visual appeal either.
When he set down the mug, it was only a moment until Rocky came through his tunnels. He left no time for Grace to get up and leave.
"Grace is okay, question?" Same as the day before.
Grace took a breath before he answered. "Yeah, yeah. I'm just fine."
"No, very quiet. Yesterday, your heart beat very fast. Today, you're also quiet. Also very fast heartbeat. Rocky need to know reason."
Right to the point.
"Okay. So, I am actually fine, not hurt or anything. It's just- It's an Earth thing. The sound I made, it's embarrassing. I'm sorry, normally I'm better at not doing it," he admitted.
"Why embarrassing," Rocky asked. Grace should have seen that one coming. He could not hint at a human thing and then not explain it.
"It's a culture thing, I guess. It's just something that winged people learn not to do with time. Most people can't do it with their voices, so it's a weird thing to do. It's not a human sound." He sighed.
"Grace is human, can make sound. Sound is human." Rocky stated.
"I'm-" he hesitated. "I'm kind of a different sort of human than the standard ones. Most people don't have wings and all that. Only a fraction of the population does, so we're often called avians."
Grace knew he had to explain why this was not a good thing on Earth. It felt weird sitting at the table when they had this conversation. He walked over to sit on the floor, closer to Rocky.
"Wings and all that are more associated with birds. A person sharing more traits with an animal than other people is bad, because that person seems less human. And none of our languages have any words like that, so it's just nonsense."
Grace rubbed at his eyes. "I can't really explain everything about it, but it's just bad. It's animalistic and it's ugly and most people agree that it's shameful. So it's kept under control."
"No, not ugly. Not animalistic or bad. It is a nice sound." Rocky did not let Grace disagree before he went on. "Sound like Eridian. Rocky knows, it was from pain, but you can make sound like Eridian! Very very very nice to hear!"
"Rocky, you don't have to-"
"Not saying nice lies like humans do. I have not heard other Eridians for many years. Miss hearing," he said and made a chirping sound. Grace had heard it countless times before. It was something like a laugh, sometimes used to greet or acknowledge others.
It was kind of similar to what had escaped him the day before. But that was different. This was something Rocky said, something Eridians could do. Grace was not supposed to.
Rocky went on. "Does not matter if animals on Earth can also say this. Eridians can. Grace can too."
"You don't think it's weird that I can at all?"
The way Rocky angled his carapace felt like he was giving Grace a pointed look. "You are only human I have met. Everything you do is very weird. Weird but not bad. Also, no other humans here to think it is bad."
"You've got a point."
"I always have points. Now point is Grace can be self on Hail Mary. And talk like Eridian!" He did jazz hands at that last part. "How do other not-pain noises sound like, question?"
Grace laughed a little. "You really want to hear it?" He had to be sure.
"Yes yes yes."
He nodded and breathed out. Staying on the floor, Grace drew his legs and wings closer to his body. He could not look at his friend, because he how this could go, so he opted to look at the wall instead. In the back of his mind it registered that his hands were wringing together. He breathed in again, trying to relax, before letting out a small, quiet chirp.
He kept looking at the wall, waiting for something to happen, for Rocky to react.
A chirp sounded from the other side of the barrier. Then another. The exact same tone as the one Grace had made.
He looked to Rocky, who kept repeating it. Again and again, with more jazz hands. His friend was bursting with energy.
Nothing bad happened.
Grace's hands covered his mouth as he felt his breath hitch. He pressed them closer when he felt a sob try to make it's way out anyway.
Rocky came to sit against the xenonite. "Is very good to hear." He chirped again.
Just like that, Grace felt tears roll down from his eyes. They coated his hands as they made their way down his face. Attempting to wipe them away did nothing to dry his face. More tears just came to take their place.
"How many times you hold back your voice, question?" Concern filled his words.
Swallowing, Grace tried to steady himself. "At this point I just do it out of habit. I don't know, maybe a couple of times a day?"
It was easy for him to translate what he heard to be a gasp of surprise from Rocky.
"Bad. Bad bad bad. Don't have to. Rocky would like to hear all things Grace say."
It was unbelievable. A smile crept on to his face.
Grace was in the middle of cleaning the lab when Rocky brought up the subject again.
"Do ♪♩♩♬ humans also hide voices from other ♪♩♩♬ humans, question?" The word Rocky said was probably what he had decided "avian" would be in Eridian.
"Yes, we do. It's mostly because it's easier to not do it at all than to hide it based on who we're around," Grace said with a shrug.
He continued, "If I hadn't been raised to hide it I wouldn't have gotten as far as I did. It would have been impossible to earn any respect in my field, much less have my research published. And gosh, they would never have let me teach if I'd modelled behaviour like that to the avian kids."
"Other humans are very stupid. Making Grace and others hide because not all humans have same voice. Using whole voice for communication much more efficient."
Grace shook his head as he placed some beakers in a drawer. "Our languages are all made for normal voices though. So we can communicate just fine. I know you remember that I said the sounds aren't words."
Rocky thought for a second before an idea seemed to strike him. "I could teach you Eridian words! More words for communication!"
As nice as that sounded, Grace was very familiar with how Eridian worked, and knew he could not say multiple notes at the same time.
"How? I don't have five voices like you guys do."
"Not all words need that. Eridians can have more than one conversation, so many words understandable with one note. I teach you simple ones. Then we speak some of same language. I did not think it was possible before, but you can say right notes!"
Oh god.
When Grace had only spoken English and otherwise silenced himself, he had also denied Rocky the opportunity to hear his own language spoken back to him. And Rocky had not heard it in so long. Not since before he came to Tau Ceti. It had been decades.
Grace's fear had made him do that to his best friend.
"Rocky, I'm sorry I didn't tell you about it sooner. I should have. I could have learned it so much sooner. I know how vital sound is, you told me, so I mean- language is probably as well."
"Yes, language means much to us, is culture. But to humans it is also culture to have shame about voice. So, Rocky understand." Somehow, he managed to be calm. "But you learn! Will be good for both of us. You learn to not feel shame, and I hear you sound like Eridian. Simple."
Yeah, Grace should have known Rocky would never be angry with him for this. It was one of the first things they had discussed, the culture rule. Of course Rocky would not expect him to just throw it out the airlock, even if it was a dumb bit of culture.
Grace laughed a little when the relief washed over him.
He nodded. "What words are you thinking?"