Chapter Text
Eve woke up at the water splashing on her face. She sat up so fast she became dizzy. The head was throbbing and her throat was raw.
“I leave for the airport in 2 hours, the least you could do is help tidy up.” Aaron stood in a small towel wrapped around his small waist. His limp wrist twirled as he looked down at Eve with a hint of disappointment. “Get up.”
Eve used the toilet to stand up. Her black jeans were unbuttoned, the striped button up shirt was open exposing her bra. The front of her clothes was stained with vomiting as well as the floor she slept on. Her dark shoulder length hair was stuck to her head with sweat.
Eve sighed, disappointed at herself. She was supposed to be sober. She promised herself she wouldn’t drink. Instead, she spent half the night in a blackout. She wiped the dry muck off her chin, staring down at Aaron’s knees. They had two large ugly scars from a two-knee surgeries from a drink driving accident. She didn’t want to see the disappointment in his eyes.
“I know it’s big, but my eyes are up here.” Aaron joked. His long lean torso flexed as he laughed. His golden hair was still wet from his bath. He stepped closer to his friend lifting her chin with one long manicured fingernail. “The first step is admitting you have a problem.”
Eve nodded. She looked into his honey brown eyes. He was the first friend she made in her group therapy before she went inside. The only other gay person there that sort of knew what she was going through.
She was supposed to be on her best behavior while on parole. After spending 2 years in prison, she thought she kicked her alcohol problem. As soon as she stepped into the free world it wouldn’t stop calling her name. The first drink was like a sip of water after being trapped in the desert. There was too much buried inside, leaking out in fits of rage. The alcohol just seemed to make it all go away if just got a moment.
“Sorry.”
“Oh don’t apologize to me, but you owe my neighbor an apology. She came over to complain about the noise you and Kevin were making.” Aaron folded his arms. His brother was a bully when he was drunk.
The 3 years he lived in his home he had no problems with the Panesar’s. They barely looked his way, last night the wife came over red in the face at the noise in the backyard. His brother hadn’t made the situation any better.
“I didn’t mean to cause you any trouble.” Eve turned on the sink and gargled a hand full of water before spitting it out. There was chuck of some unknown substance stuck between her teeth. “Oh god, did she call the police?” Eve grabbed the edge of the sink. She remembered flashing lights.
“No, after she left there was some commotion over there. I was too busy dragging you in here to be nosy.” Aaron blew her kiss. “You’re forgiven. But please don’t trash the place while I’m gone.” The tall feminine man twisted around shaking his bum at his friend.
Eve spent the day cleaning up the place. With the amount of beer cans and bottles anyone would have thought there was a big party. It was almost embarrassing how much she could put away. She would contemplate that another day.
There were more pressing things that had to be taken care of in the next few weeks. She needed a job. She had money stashed away. More than enough to live off, but part of her parole was getting a job and she needed one fast.
Eve didn’t even bother to call her parents when she got out. At sentencing, she looked around the courtroom for them like a kid at a football match. She was almost disappointed they hadn’t shown up to offer some support. But when had they ever supported Eve after she came out. If her sister was alive, she would have been the best character witness, but if her sister was alive Eve probably would’ve never been in that position.
The tall woman slipped on a fresh pair of black jeans with a black fitted shirt. She slipped into her Converses and prepared for more begging.
Aaron left his contact numbers on the pin board along with a list of chores. It was perfect for Eve. A nice quiet place to reflect on all the things she had done wrong in life before being caged away.
Arron had supported her through the whole ordeal. When she was released, he was the first person she called. She spent a month in her home alone before deciding to visit him.
She liked living alone, eating alone, sleeping alone, eventually dying alone. Eve had long ago decided she didn’t need anyone.
Eve walked down the path staring at the next yard. The apology and groveling tour should probably start there. Instead of walking around the gate Eve jumped the fence, walking up to the door.
She knocked, taking a deep breath. She caught a sighting of the family once even last week. The short man had two boys at his side while he entered the home. The woman peeked out before closing the door.
She couldn’t even remember what they really looked like.
Eve knocked again hearing people move around inside. Just as she was about to give up the door opened.
The short man looked her up and down without speaking. His black bread was neatly trimmed to his face. His hair was slicked back with a few strands out of place.
They looked each other in the eyes. Nish smiled but it never went past his lips. Eve felt uncomfortable with the gesture. Men that smiled like that were usually sizing her up or making lewd comments in their heads. It was no secret she was gay, anyone could tell from a mile away.
Eve decided it was the latter.
How many times had she heard she just needed a real man? Too many to count, but she wasn’t here to make friends or debate the complexities of sexual orientation.
“Hi, um, I just wanted to apologize for last night.” Eve rocked on the balls of her feet. She was no stranger to apologizing, didn’t make it feel any better.
The door fully opened as Nish stood with several suitcases behind him.
“Ah no problem, it’s my wife she gets worked up over the smallest of things.” Nish held his hand out. “Nish. Nishandeep Panesar.”
“Eve.” Eve took his hand. It was sweaty. She tried to keep a scowl off her face. “Is she home?” Eve looked over his shoulder at the two boys. One was tall and slender, other was short and chubby.
Nish tighten the door to his body “No. If you’ll excuse me.” He closed the door in Eve’s face.
Eve clenched her fist at her side. She needed a drink.
///
Suki slowly opened her eye to the harsh light above her. Her head was pounding. Her back ached like she had been kicked. The pain in her right wrist radiated down to her fingers.
“Mrs. Panesar?”
Suki turned her head away from the pen light.
“It’s ok, you’re in the hospital. Everything is looking fine with the baby. Just a few bumps and bruises you should be released later tonight.”
Suki blinked, trying to focus her eyes. The woman was gone before she could ask any question. She rubbed her swollen abdomen.
Tears sprang forward as she waited for any movement. The normally active child was still. “Come on sweetheart.” Suki held her breath until she felt a small kick. Relief flooded through her, making her forget about the pain momentarily.
She looked around the small room. Where was Nish and her sons?
The nurses walked past her room without stopping frustrating Suki even more.
The room was eerily quiet. The dark-skinned woman closed her eyes. The last thing she remembered was ranting at her neighbor and his friends about the noise. Then her and Nish had been arguing at the top of the stairs.
She swallowed thickly as she wondered if Nish had pushed her. She couldn’t fathom it, she was pregnant with his child. He would never hurt them. He rarely hurts her physically. There had been moments when he would grab her wrist, hug her too tight or wrap his hand in her hair threatening to pull.
To say it wasn’t like that at the beginning would have been a lie. Nish was a tortured soul from birth. Suki had seen the family dynamitic with her own eyes. Nish was the youngest child of 4, the only boy. His father was a weak man. His mother was a strong domineering woman who ruled her family with an iron fist. The family business belonged to Nish’s mother’s family and they never let his father forget it. The man kept a constant frown on his face, his eyes hollow of any life. Nish’s mother bossed him around constantly. She kept her daughters locked in cages. And treated Nish like a golden boy. Even then he hated her. Suki was forced to listen to long tirades about how evil his mother was, and how weak his father was. Nish despised his maternal side of the family and was abandon by his paternal side. His mother gave him whatever he wanted and his father ignored him in exchange for a moment of peace from his authoritarian wife.
In her young age Nish seemed levelheaded and smart. But there were moments, looking back, she had seen his rage and controlling behavior.
She just ignored it in her rush to prove everyone wrong.
When her brother encouraged her to marry, Suki agreed it was for the best. She had made a mistake and needed to right it. When the rumor started her parents watched her closer than ever before. Her brother defended her honor, with frequent confrontations and hovering. She had seen what had happened to other girls who had certain feelings. No one ever heard from them again. The people would look at the parents as if their child had died.
She wasn’t like that. She had 2 boys as living proof and the child she was carrying would be proof too. No one could question her longing looks at the women holding hands, the poetry she read, or the way her heart had exploded when she kissed her best friend. No, that was just what girls did to prepare for their suitors. Everyone had unnatural feelings, it was about learning to control them. Be one with God, be selfless.