Chapter Text
Ao'nung felt a bit foolish for hoping that they could have a calm evening today. Maybe watch a movie, cuddle and make out a little. Just spend time together like they so often did.
But alas, that really was too much to hope for in current times.
It hadn't taken long for them to start arguing again when Neteyam had brought up the fact that the timeframe to apply for universities was coming to an end soon. They have had this argument countless of times by now and it had only gotten worse the closer the deadline had gotten.
"You are not hearing me out," Ao'nung sighed, sitting at the edge of his bed as he watched Neteyam pace the room. A habit of Neteyam's that he was all too used to whenever they argued about something.
"Because you aren't saying anything of value," Neteyam whirled around, gesturing sharply with his hands. "We are graduating this year, Ao'nung. In a few months. You need to understand that."
"I do understand. I'm just saying-"
Neteyam cut him off with a dismissive sound, turning away from Ao'nung to start up his pacing again. "I asked you to please think it over. To please start applying, but you are not serious about anything. Anything!"
"I'm serious about you," Ao'nung said, his voice so soft and sincere that it didn't fit the mood of the current ongoing argument. "I'm serious about us."
Neteyam looked at him for a moment too long and Ao'nung was hopeful that he had managed to calm Neteyam with his words; at least enough that the argument would fizzle out now. But then Neteyam turned away from him again.
"If you were really serious then you would start thinking about our future," Neteyam said, his voice quieting in turn.
"Is all this really about me not applying to university yet?" Ao'nung asked, getting to his feet and running a hand through his hair in a frustrated gesture. Carefully he approached Neteyam during this lull in their argument, still hoping that it would calm now.
"Yet? So you will do it?" Neteyam asked hopefully. "I can help you. We can do it together right now."
"Oh Eywa," Ao'nung sighed, a bit of frustration slipping into his tone as well now. "I don't know, okay? I told you, I don't know if I want to go to university. I'm still thinking about it."
Neteyam threw up his hands, matching Ao'nung's frustration as the argument immediately heated up again. Neteyam's voice was frustratingly sarcastic as he ranted angrily, "Yeah, you don't know. You don't know. Great! We can work with that. With not knowing anything. We'll just graduate and then don't do anything with our lives."
"Are you serious? That's not what I meant. Why is university my only option?" Ao'nung asked. He truly did not know why Neteyam was so insistent on this as if this was the only thing that they could do once they were done with school.
"Fine, do you have any other plan? What do you want to do after graduating?" Neteyam didn't even give Ao'nung a chance to respond to the question. "Oh, that's right. You don't know."
"That's not fair!" Ao'nung frowned, matching Neteyam's glare as they stared each other down now.
"Why are you so against applying? Just...apply while you still can and while the application time is still ongoing. You'll still have time to think afterwards," Neteyam said, almost pleading.
Ao'nung sighed, rubbing the back of his neck, "I...I don't know, Neteyam-"
"Stop saying that!" Neteyam's sudden yell made Ao'nung jump a little and Neteyam himself seemed a bit surprised at his own sudden outburst. He took a deep breath before continuing. "Just...just stop saying that. I don't want to hear it anymore."
"What do you want me to say?" Ao'nung asked meekly. "I'm sorry? I'm sorry for not knowing what I want to do with my life? I'm sorry for not jumping at the opportunity to apply to universities like you did? I'm sorry for...for not having my whole life planned out up until the day I die?"
"I don't want you to apologize," Neteyam was right back to yelling now. "I want you to start thinking. I want you to stop saying that you don't know and start thinking about the future. About our future."
"I am, okay? I am thinking. I am thinking that you are exaggerating this. The world won't end because of this, okay? You're making a big thing out of nothing," Ao'nung said.
"Our future together is nothing, is that it?" Neteyam said, tilting his head more in a provocative gesture, daring Ao'nung to go on.
"That is not at all what I just said, are you kidding me?" Ao'nung scoffed. He was honestly so tired of this argument. Neteyam was acting like the world would explode if Ao'nung didn't apply. As if they would never see each other again if they didn't go to university together. "Can you stop nagging me? All we do is talk about this stupid application. You are starting to sound like my mother."
Ao'nung immediately regretted his words when the mood dropped even lower that it already had been, "I didn't mean to say that."
Neteyam put up one dismissive hand, stopping Ao'nung from talking any more.
"No. You are right. I will stop nagging you," Neteyam sounded a lot calmer now, in the way that told Ao'nung that he was done with this argument. That he was done here. "I can see at this point that you don't care about what I say anyways."
"Neteyam, that is not-" Ao'nung cuts himself off with a small, sad sigh when Neteyam turned away from him, walking away and only stopping at the door. "Neteyam?"
"Maybe we just want different things from the future," Neteyam said resolutely and quietly now.
Ao'nung's heart dropped at Neteyam's words, at his tone, as he realized where this was going, "What...what are you saying?" Neteyam could not really mean... Ao'nung's voice shook, so quiet that it was barely above a whisper as if he was too afraid to say the words out loud, "Are you breaking up with me?"
The silence between them was too loud as Neteyam did not answer, nor did he turn around to meet Ao'nung's eyes. His hands merely come up to grasp the door handle.
"Neteyam?" Ao'nung prompted him again, taking a few panicked steps forward. He could feel his hands starting to tremble, matching his shaking voice, "You can't mean that. You're breaking up with me over this?"
"Maybe it's for the best," Neteyam said quietly, but Ao'nung could hear the tremble in his voice as well.
"Please, Neteyam-"
"I know what I want to do with my future and I hope you find what you are looking for," Neteyam said, grasping the door handle tighter and pulling it open. He paused before he left, his next words holding a sharper edge. "I hope you find someone that is worth thinking about the future for."
And with the slam of the door, he was gone.
...
Ao'nung stood, staring at the door for...he didn't know for how long. It felt like he was frozen on the spot and if he were to move the reality of the situation would hit him. The realization that Neteyam had left him.
That they were over.
The click of the door opening made his heart jump.
"Neteyam?" Ao'nung's breath hitched hopefully.
But it was merely Tsireya who poked her head in, and Ao'nung's shoulders slumped in disappointment as the last hope that Neteyam would return and they would both apologize for fighting and then talk and make up, vanished.
"Ao'nung? Did Neteyam leave already?" Tsireya asked before fully stepping into the room with a concerned glance when she noticed the look on her brother's face. "Are you okay? What happened?"
Ao'nung could do nothing to stop the little hitch of a sob that finally escaped him then as he shakily admitted, "He broke up with me..."
The tears rolled down his cheeks heavily as the arms of his sister wrapped tightly around him with sweet consoling words.
Dinner at the Sully house was never the calmest of affairs. Among the sound of the cutlery, a fusion of voices filled the house with everyone sharing stories of their day. Tuk especially was reporting the newest happenings on her school playground, bouncing her knees under the table.
“Tuk, settle down,” Neytiri gently tried to get her daughter to sit down properly. “We are listening to you. You do not need to rush the story.”
“Hey, you already had two servings,” Kiri voice broke through the chatter as she slapped Lo’ak’s hand away when he reached to get himself a third plate of food.
“I’m a growing boy,” Lo’ak argued lightly.
“Lo’ak, leave some food for Neteyam,” Jake said, reaching for the salt shaker.
“He’s gonna eat at Ao’nung’s place anyways,” Lo’ak said, reaching for the spoon again. This time it was Jake who swatted his hand away. “Man, why do I have to go hungry in this house?”
“You had two servings. Make yourself a sandwich or something,” Kiri hissed again, but Lo’ak only chuckled.
The rough slam of the front door brought conversations to an abrupt stop.
“What the fuck?” Lo’ak was the first to speak, ignoring his father’s brief scolding.
“Neteyam?” Neytiri called out. There was no one else it could be, but she still got no answer. “We’re still having dinner. Grab a plate and join us.”
There was only the clattering of keys before heavy footsteps drew closer. Neteyam’s figure walked through the living room briskly, not sparing a single glance at his family.
"Neteyam?" Jake prompted him again.
"I'm not fucking hungry," Neteyam snapped, but everyone noticed the shaking in his voice. He practically ran up the stairs, which was promptly followed by another slam of his room’s door.
It was quiet for another moment as everyone’s eyes lingered at the top of the stairs where they had all watched Neteyam disappeare.
"I'm going to check on him," Neytiri was the first to get up, along with Kiri who followed her mother up the stairs. Tuk seemed to want to follow, but Jake’s gentle hand kept her from following.
"...what the fuck just happened?" Lo'ak asked into the silence that had settled for the remaining three at the table.
"Lo'ak," Jake scolded him again.
"What? I can't say it, but Neteyam can?" Lo'ak argued.
"Fuck!"
"Tuk, don't start," Their father sighed.
Neytiri knocked softly on Neteyam’s door. When no answer came, she briefly leaned her ear closer to the door, trying to listen for any sound coming from inside before softly knocking again.
“Ma Neteyam? Is everything okay?” Neytiri asked and yet again, no answer came, so she carefully opened the door. It was luckily not locked and revealed Neteyam pacing through his room and frantically picking up and ripping down pictures of Ao’nung from the collection that was hanging on his wall.
“What are you doing?“ Kiri asked, stepping inside after her mother.
“What does it look like?” Neteyam snapped, but the shake in his voice made it clear that he was crying. The sound of it softened Neytiri’s demeanor even more than it had already been with her worry and she stepped fully forward, stopping her son from continuing.
As she grasped his hands in hers, she could feel the shaking of his fingers as well and only then did Neteyam look up to meet her eyes.
“What is the reason that you are tearing down your pictures of Ao’nung?” Neytiri asked gently, but she could already take a pretty good guess. "What happened, yawne?"
Neteyam’s lip wobbled, squeezing his mother’s hands in want of comfort and Neytiri did not hesitate to pull him into her arms.
“I broke up with him, mom,” Neteyam admitted into her shoulder with a small cry, clinging onto his mother’s back now and burying his face closer to her. Kiri stepped closer, wrapping her arms around him as well and gently rubbing his back as he cried into their mother’s arms.
"Oh, yawntutsyìp," Neytiri cooed sadly, brushing her hand over his back and pulling him closer. Neteyam practically slumped into his mother, burying his face in her shoulder as his cries got heavier. Neteyam had never really been a crier, not since her children had been very young anyways, so seeing him like this, hearing his sobs with his shaking shoulders under her touch was breaking her heart.
Jake had poked his head in a few minutes later, but Neytiri had simply waved him away for now, still holding Neteyam in her arms. Kiri could see how hesitant he had been to just leave, even though he knew that his wife could definitely handle it better than he could.
It took a while until their mother finally managed to calm Neteyam down enough that he wasn’t almost hyperventilating with his tears, leaving his eyes puffy and the occasional stray tear on his cheeks. She had led him to the bathroom to freshen up and wash his face as the crying had left him exhausted.
Kiri remained in his room.
The pictures were left abandoned now, laying on Neteyam’s desk. Some of them had fallen to the ground in his frenzy to remove them.
Kiri leaned down to pick them up, collecting all of them into a neat pile. Many of them were just of Ao’nung, smiling happily or softly in each picture, making it clear that it was always Neteyam behind the camera. A few of them were of the both of them together, smiling together or kissing. One of them was the cheesy, yet classic photo booth picture strip.
A few of them were left with wrinkles from Neteyam’s forceful grip and Kiri did her best to smooth them out. Right now Neteyam clearly wanted them gone, so Kiri carefully took all of them back to her own room, tugging them into one of her collection boxes. Once he was calm, he could decide what to do with them, but something told Kiri that one day he might just want them back and until then she would make sure to keep them in a safe place.
“What happened?” Both Lo’ak and Jake practically ambushed Kiri as soon as she stepped into the kitchen. They had been in the middle of doing the dishes, keeping themselves busy until someone gave them any information on what was going on and thus the dishes were quickly forgotten as soon as Kiri showed up again.
Kiri sighed as she picked a cup from the cupboard, before reaching down and taking out her box of assorted tea leaves.
“Neteyam and Ao'nung broke up,” Kiri explained simply, mixing some of the leaves into the teapot to brew it. “He is devastated.”
“What?” Lo’ak bristled immediately, looking like he was ready to march to the Tsika’u house and demand an explanation on how Ao’nung could ever dare to break his brother’s heart. “What did that skxawng do to Neteyam?”
“Calm down, Lo’ak,” Kiri said. “From what I understood, it was Neteyam that broke up with Ao’nung.”
“…what? What did he say?” Lo’ak asked. That just left him with more questions.
“He didn’t really say anything over how hard he was crying,” Kiri crossed her arms, leaning against the counter as she waited for the water to boil. “I don’t know what happened.”
Lo’ak hummed unhappily.
“I don’t think he wants to talk right now anyways,” Kiri said a bit pointedly.
“I get that,” Lo’ak said, turning back to the dishes just so he had something to do with his hands. “I wasn’t going to go upstairs and ask or anything.”
Kiri poured Neteyam a cup of tea once it was done, but Jake picked up the cup before she could.
“I’ll take it upstairs,” her father said, really leaving no room for argument.
“Can you take it without spilling?” Kiri asked, a bit of her cheekiness coming out even during the serious situation.
Their father had walked with limp since before she was born, a remainder of his time at the marines that had left him paralyzed. The spinal surgery had given him the ability to walk again, but there was only so much they could do for nerve damage. It left him with a limp on his good days and had him still relying on a wheelchair on his bad ones. On the regular their father had used a crutch, which he had traded for a cane some years ago, because he insisted that it made him look cooler.
“Yes, baby girl, your dad is capable of taking a cup of tea upstairs without spilling,” Jake said, his tone a bit exaggerated, but as Kiri still reached out to hand him one of their trays, he placed the cup onto it without argument. “Help your brother with the dishes, yeah?”
Kiri just sighed as her dad left the kitchen, “The thanks I get.”
Neteyam’s room was calmer when Jake entered, quietly pushing open the door with his hip. There was a Neteyam-shaped lump curled up under the blankets with Neytiri sitting on the edge of the bed, gently brushing her hand through his hair. The quiet sound of Neteyam’s favorite show was coming from his laptop though neither of them was actually watching it. It was simply there to fill the silence.
Jake brought the tray over to Neteyam’s bedside table, putting it down and quietly asking Neytiri how he was, using only an exchange of glances.
She just shook her head sadly, before slowly getting up, so that Jake could take her place and sit with their son for a bit, “I will make you something to eat, ma Neteyam.”
“‘m not hungry,” Neteyam mumbled into his pillow.
“That’s okay,” his mother just said, not arguing with him but not accepting a no either. “I will bring you something light.”
Jake took her spot on the edge of the bed when she left the room and Neteyam didn’t seem to mind when Jake resumed the gentle stroking of his hair, “How are you feeling, baby boy?”
“Like I just broke up with my boyfriend,” Neteyam said, his lips pulled into a pout that Jake was all too familiar with. “Stupid question.”
Jake let out a small chuckle, “You’re right. I'm sorry.”
“Are you here to tell me that everything is going to be okay too?” Neteyam sighed, his voice still rough from crying.
“Would you like me to?” Jake asked. “Sounds like your mother has already done so.”
Neteyam was quiet for a moment, but then quietly said, “Could you?”
“Everything is going to be okay,” Jake said immediately.
Neteyam nodded at his words, burying himself deeper into his blankets. As he shifted Jake could see that Neteyam was tightly clutching a plushie to his chest, which he knew to be one that Ao’nung had gifted him long ago.
It prompted Jake to look around the room a little bit. Really, there was no escaping Ao’nung’s presence in Neteyam’s room, there were knick-knacks and gifts from Ao’nung scattered all around. But the most glaring thing - his pictures - had already been removed, leaving obvious gaps in his picture wall.
The screen of Neteyam’s phone lit up with a call, but Neteyam’s back was turned away from his bedside table and the phone was muted. It was Ao’nung’s name and picture on the screen and Jake watched it ring for a few minutes before it stopped. Briefly he got a glimpse at Neteyam’s homescreen, which was filled with a few missed calls and a good number of texts that he was ignoring.
Even with his back turned, Neteyam could definitely notice the way his phone’s light lit up his room. It was a peculiar way to torture himself. Not allowing himself to look, but still being able to know whenever Ao’nung tried to contact him.
Jake reached out, turning the phone upside down onto the table.
“Take it with you,” Neteyam mumbled.
“What?”
“I don’t want it here. I don't want to see it anymore,” Neteyam said resolutely, his lip starting to wobble again. Jake was not one to argue right now and so he simply tugged it into his pocket before comforting his son as Neteyam started softly crying into his plushie.
The first day without Ao’nung was strange, especially because it was a Saturday, a day which they would usually spend together. Neteyam felt like he had nothing to do and everything to avoid. He ended up spending the entire day in bed, staring at his ceiling and trying not to think.
He didn’t know how many times Ao’nung had tried to contact him as his phone has stayed with his father. Neteyam didn’t want to see it anyways.
His siblings had kept him company the whole day and the four of them had squeezed themselves into Neteyam's bed as they had watched movie after movie on Neteyam's small laptop screen together.
Lo’ak had told him at one point that Tsireya was asking about him, which made Neteyam suspect that she was asking in Ao’nung’s place, but Ao'nung's name was not even mentioned once that day.
Ultimately, that was how his first day without Ao’nung had passed.
The second day had started a bit differently. Tuk was the one to wake him up, sneaking into his room early in the morning. She was still in her pajamas and she promptly burrowed herself into Neteyam’s blankets and into his embrace.
“Tuk?” Neteyam questioned, leaning his head against the top of hers.
“Do you still want to go hiking today, Neteyam?” Tuk asked quietly.
Neteyam sighed. He had forgotten that they had planned a family trip for today. Tuk had been asking to go to the national park again for ages and they had finally penciled it in for this Sunday as a family activity. And then Neteyam had broken up with Ao’nung.
“Mom said you might not want to and she said that we can go another time,” Tuk said quietly. Neteyam suspected that their mother hadn’t actually intended for Tuk to come in and talk with him about it. She was probably just trying to curb Tuk’s disappointment and Neteyam could hear a bit of it in Tuk’s voice. “It’s okay if you don’t want to go today.”
But he did not want anyone else to be sad either. And a distraction was probably better than rolling around in bed all day.
“I think going out is a great idea,” Neteyam said and Tuk looked up at him excitedly and like she had not been expecting it.
“Really?”
“It sounds more fun than being in bed all day,” Neteyam assured her before forcing himself to sit up. He could definitely feel the fatigue and the fact that he hadn’t really gotten out of bed yesterday in his bones. His back cracked loudly when he stretched.
Tuk cheered, jumping out of his bed before running out of his bed and Neteyam could hear her yelling down the hall, “Mom, Neteyam said we can go!”
The national park was nothing really new for the Sullys. They spend special occasions here, had their fair share of picnics and occasionally went hiking along the long mountain path connected to it. It also had a lake where they had spent their fair share of summer days at.
Spider had joined them for the day like he usually would during family outings. Kiri always insisted on it. Kiri had also definitely told Spider what happened and Neteyam noted the way they were keeping their couple-ly gestures to a minimum, walking side by side, but not holding hands.
But spending time with his family was something that would never get tiring for Neteyam. Besides, the fresh air felt good after crying his room stuffy yesterday.
Neteyam had even brought his camera along.
They had all spend some time together before everyone had gone off to do their own thing for a while. And before Neteyam had wandered off, his father had given his phone back, which was notably empty of any notifications.
Neteyam hadn't questioned it. It was clear that his father must have swiped them all away before handing it back. Neteyam was quietly thankful for it.
Neteyam walked around for a while, enjoying the calm of the nature around him, listening to the birdsong above and taking pictures of the occasional bird or animal that crossed his path. It had been a while since he had taken nature pictures. Recently his camera lens had always been focused more on Ao’nung.
A bit of time passed like that before Neteyam felt his phone vibrate in his pocket, probably his parents calling him back to their meeting spot, but of course, it turned out to be Ao’nung.
Neteyam watched the phone ring for a moment, staring at the contact picture of Ao’nung smiling up at him before he decided to pick up the call.
“You picked up,” Ao’nung sounded relieved and a little breathless on the other side of the line.
“Yeah,” Neteyam said curtly. “What is it?”
“Uhm,” Ao’nung hesitated before clearing his throat. “Where are you?”
Neteyam was quiet for a moment, before asking, “Are you in front of my house?”
“…yes,” Ao’nung admitted quietly.
Neteyam would be lying if the thought of Ao’nung standing on his front porch with the intention of being heard out didn’t do anything to him. It was endearing as much as it was irritating.
A part of him wished that he had stayed home.
“We’re out,” Neteyam said simply, though Ao’nung had already guessed as much by now.
“Oh. I…okay,” There was a bit of shuffling from the other end. Ao’nung probably did not know what to do now. “I was hoping we could talk. I…" There was a small, shaky sigh before he continued, "I don’t want to break up over this, Neteyam. Please, let’s just sit down together and talk again.”
“Did you think about what you want to do? After graduation, I mean,” Neteyam asked, kicking a rock around in front of him as he paced along the path.
“Not yet, but-“
“So, do you think that anything will change if we talk about it again? We will just end up fighting again and I think we have shouted at each other enough over this. It has gotten us nowhere,” Neteyam said, his voice calm but his words were sharp enough, holding an exhaustion for the topic he had grown tired of. “There is nothing left to talk about.”
“Nete-“ Ao’nung’s voice cut off when Neteyam hung up on him, putting his phone back on mute and tugging it into his pocket so he didn’t have to see if Ao’nung called back or not. He didn’t know what he would prefer, for Ao’nung to call back or not; and so he just did not allow himself to look.
Neteyam ran a quick hand over his face, pinching the bridge of his nose in an attempt to push down the urge to cry again. Taking a deep, calming breath of fresh air, he willed himself to let their conversation pass by him.
The quick footsteps of Tuk snapped him out of the moment and she reached for his hand as soon as she reached his side, "Neteyam, I found you.”
“You found me,” Neteyam said, putting on a smile for his sister.
“We are gonna go get ice cream now. Do you want to come? They have animal shapes,” Tuk said softly.
“Yeah. That’s sounds great,” Neteyam said, letting Tuk lead him back to their family.
When they returned home later that evening, there was a bouquet of flowers neatly placed in front of their door and waiting for him.