Chapter Text
Bernie wasn't really sure where the idea had first come from. Perhaps a throwaway suggestion at Albie's when she leaned in close in a haze of shiraz and admitted to Serena that she had received the final paperwork for the divorce. Or an idea mentioned in the midst of carols and eggnog as Bernie quite accidentally spent the entirety of her Christmas holidays at Serena's home (a fact that made her predicament all the more challenging by Jason's love of hanging mistletoe all over the house). And by predicament, of course, she meant the fact that somehow between early morning coffees and late night bottles of shiraz and working all day together in between she had done the most daft thing she could possibly do and fallen head over heels in love with her best friend. Her wonderful, heterosexual, best friend.
But anyway, somewhere somehow Serena had suggested (you deserve a vacation, it's tax deductible, we'll gain valuable knowledge for the AAU) and Bernie had agreed (who could say no to a determined Serena Campbell) and now they were going to be enjoying a lovely 2 weeks on a cruise through the Grecian isles spending their mornings learning about the latest research in treating facial trauma, their afternoons exploring local culture, and their evenings quaffing endless complimentary bottles of shiraz. It was, in effect, Bernie's greatest dream and biggest nightmare all in one. For as much as she was looking forward to all the time alone with Serena she wasn't quite sure how she was supposed to keep her hands to herself.
Ever since that night on the theatre floor after Fletch's surgery, the night when Serena told her how fantastic she was, the night that she had almost—almost—dropped her ever-present British reserve and pulled Serena into her arms with a sound kiss, she had found herself constantly fighting the desire to kiss her. And it did not help that Serena seemed to have absolutely no qualms about touching at all. She was constantly placing a hand on Bernie's arm as she walked past, standing so close their arms touched as they went over charts together, reaching over to tuck a stray piece of Bernie's hair behind her ear. It was maddening.
And Christmas! Oh, Christmas. They had, through some immense luck, managed to both escape being on call throughout the holiday and so had spent many cozy evenings enjoying drinks and treats by the fire, singing along to carols with Jason as Serena snuggled into Bernie's side as though it were the natural thing to do and Bernie got completely distracted and spent the entire time wondering where she was supposed to place her hands. Jason's carefully placed mistletoe had been circumvented by gentle kisses on the cheek, though that had not stopped Bernie's fierce blush at each occasion. And in each moment of perfect joyous domesticity Bernie's heart ached slightly for the imaginary could-have-been she just couldn't seem to shake from her head. Despite all her efforts a part of her wondered at every possible turn. What if she turned her head under the mistletoe and caught Serena's lips in a proper kiss? What if she professed her true feelings? What if Serena craned her head up as they cuddled on the sofa and pressed shiraz-stained lips to her own? What if dyed in the wool heterosexual Serena decided that for Bernie she could make an exception? What if…
Her phone beeped, distracting her from her thoughts. She looked down to see a notification from Cameron confirming their rendezvous for coffee the following day and smiled. Despite her rampant inability to do right in her personal life, by some grace she and her son were managing to build their way back to some facsimile of a proper relationship.
****
Bernie sat down in the café, a cup of hot coffee in her hands and another on the table in preparation for Cameron's arrival. She was early. She felt that considering her history of not being around throughout many of Cam's most important childhood events she could at the very least be on time now. Bernie sighed. Serena had been prodding her for months now to go to see someone and talk to them about her life, her military service, her rampant feelings of inadequacy as a mother, and all the other messy emotions she generally tried to pretend didn’t exist. Much better to tamp it down, box it away, and never deal with it she had always felt. But as Serena had pointed out (multiple times, she would most likely interject) that method was not working out for her very well. So she had looked around and found someone she thought she could put up with and she had a first appointment in February.
It had been her unofficial extra Christmas present to Serena, actually. She had taken the ugliest Christmas card she could find, scrawled ‘happy now?’ inside, put the confirmation card from the receptionist in with the card and hidden the envelope at the very bottom of the pile of gifts under Serena’s tree. Jason had found it long after everything else had been opened when he had gone to water the tree. The look on Serena’s face when the realisation of just what Bernie was telling her hit was one of Bernie’s favourite memories. She mused on Christmas while sipping at her coffee, trying to keep her mind from wandering to the memory of how Serena’s body felt tucked into her side.
When Cam arrived she was grateful for something else to focus on. She stood as he came up to the table and they embraced, albeit slightly awkwardly, before sitting down. She peppered him with questions about school and exams, glad to hear the joy in his tone even if it was hidden beneath a thick layer of youthful disdain at his mother's obvious pleasure. She learned more about his Christmas holidays (spent in Switzerland with friends from uni), his new apartment (cramped but nicer than the last), and his love life (currently single but mustering up the courage to ask out a girl in his program).
When the subject matter turned to her instead, Cam was equally curious. He asked thoughtful questions about her life, about AAU and her colleagues there, and about her Christmas. He quirked an eyebrow when she admitted she had spent the time at Serena’s and she rolled her eyes playfully at the implication. Ever since his ill-advised trip to the hospital in the summer she could not shake the idea from his head that she had a crush on Serena. Funnily enough his questions about the exact nature of her and Serena’s relationship were what had initially prompted her to examine just how she felt about her, but she didn’t feel as though her son needed to know about his mother’s pathetic unrequited crush. She assured him that Serena was doing well.
"Well if you must know we're going on a bit of a vacation together." She admitted after he pushed a bit further. But was quick to follow up as his grin widened. "No! Not like that. Just a bit of a getaway. As friends ." She pierced him with a mock glare. "Nothing more"
"Okay, okay." He raised his hands in surrender. "When are you headed out?"
"We'll be gone the 13th through the 26th."
Of all the reactions Bernie was expecting, a loud guffaw from Cam was not on the list.
"I'm sorry." He calmed down, "sorry mum. I just think it's a bit funny. You and dad being split up for good, you know. And suddenly you're taking vacation at the same time."
"Ah." She paused a moment to gulp down the rest of her coffee. "And tell me, where will your father be spending his time?"
"Some cruise? He said something to Charlotte about Greece and facial trauma. Not too sure. Haven’t talked to him about it directly to be honest."
And that was the moment Bernie stopped listening. She continued to visit with Cameron, using every ounce of control she had to maintain a calm exterior, but her mind was in turmoil. She was trying desperately to process the fact that for some godforsaken reason fate had decided she hadn’t had a shit enough 2016 and was looking to ruin 2017 right from the get go.
****
After she and Cam said their goodbyes, Bernie got into her car and sped to the hospital. She ran up the stairs to the AAU, unwilling to wait for the lift and rushed into the office she shared with Serena glad to see her seated inside. Breathless, she slammed the door behind her and blurted out the words she'd been thinking since she had left the cafe.
"We can't go."
"What?" Serena looked up from her work in consternation at the panting mess of Bernie in front of her.
"The cruise. Our trip. We can’t go."
"What do you mean? Of course we're going! The trip's booked, as are our flights, Hanssen's approved the time off, Sue and Alan have arranged a schedule with Jason to which Jason has agreed, and I have called in a truly unholy number of favours with Ric Griffin so that he'll cover the ward while we're gone. We are going." She cocked her head. "What's the matter, anyway? I thought you were looking forward to our little Grecian escape."
Bernie hung her head and mumbled,
"I think Marcus is going on the same trip."
"Sorry?"
"Marcus is going on the same trip."
Serena stared at her, looked as though she was about to say something, and instead pulled the chair by the door closer to her desk.
"Take your jacket off, have a seat, and start from the beginning."
Bernie did as she was instructed, chucking her coat and scarf onto her desk before collapsing in the chair.
"I was at coffee with Cameron" she began, as though Serena was not perfectly aware. “And I mentioned our vacation and he thought it was amusing that Marcus and I would be taking holidays at the same time now that, well, everything's finalized with the divorce and all and then when I asked about specifics he said that Charlotte had said that Marcus was going to Greece to learn about facial trauma." She looked up at Serena, "And as I doubt there are 2 such cruises happening in the exact same time and place that would mean that…"
"Ah" Serena interjected. "Yes, well. Rather hard to have a good-riddance-old-boy trip if the 'old boy' in question is there the whole time, isn't it?"
"Exactly." Bernie let out a huff and leaned back. "So that settles it. We're not going."
"Oh no. We are definitely going."
"But—"
"Bernie, I have been looking forward to this trip for weeks. As have you! Why don't you just use the opportunity, you know, let Marcus know that you are well and truly over him." Serena seemed considerably less affected by Bernie’s news than she was hoping.
"How?"
"Easy. Just let him believe that you are happily in a relationship, make sure you look absolutely fabulous each time you see him, and grind his heart under your heel.”
"Who would I say I'm dating? And why would he believe me?" Bernie didn’t really think Serena was thinking this through at all.
"I assumed he would assume that you and Alex are still…"
"Oh." Bernie looked down at her hands, biting her lip. Serena waited patiently for her to explain. "Marcus is actually aware that Alex and I are not, are no longer in communication."
"How?"
"The subject of my, ummm infidelity uhhhh arose during some of the proceedings. And things got spirited and I may have let Marcus know that Alex left me before I left him."
“You got pissed off and let it slip in the heat of the moment?” Serena grinned at Bernie’s confirming nod. “Well I can’t say I’d have done less.”
Serena furrowed her brow for a few moments, considering the implications of everything Bernie had just laid out. Then she snapped her fingers and looked over at Bernie with a grin. “I’ve got it! You can just tell him you’re dating me."
Serena may as well have run her over with a lorry. Bernie sat completely still for half a minute before managing to splutter out some words.
“I— You— What ?”
“Oi don’t have to be too surprised!” Serena playfully swatted Bernie’s knee “I’ll have you know I’m a catch.”
“No, no, no, Serena that’s not what I meant. I just.” She paused, took a breath. “How?”
“Simple. We hold hands, tell everyone we’re together. Maybe kiss once or twice while Marcus is watching” she shrugged.
“Are you sure Serena?” She leaned forward, making eye contact with Serena. “I mean, it would be asking a lot.”
“You’re not asking, I offered.” Serena’s soft gaze was more reassurance than her words could ever be. "It’s the perfect solution Bernie. You get to stick it to your ex and I get the well deserved holiday with my best friend that I have been anticipating for weeks."
“Okay” Bernie agreed finally. She held her hand out, “Girlfriends?”
Serena took the proffered hand in a warm shake, holding on a couple moments too long.
“Girlfriends.”
Bernie was almost out the door of their joint office when she heard Serena call after her,
“Oh and I’ll just call the cruise company and tell them to move us to one room instead of two.”
Oh shit .