Chapter Text
Zanka holds onto himself as the tears flow. Hideous, ugly, pathetic tears roll down his face. He shakily grabs onto Lovely Assiststaff in hopes that she will help relieve just a bit of his pain.
But she isn't warm like he is. She doesn't say snarky comments or playfully smirk at him. She will never replace him, and maybe that's what scares Zanka the most.
A sound from his communicator makes Zanka jump and desperately wipe his eyes. He can feel his lip wobbling as he takes stuttered breaths.
“Hello?”
Zanka!!
It's Enjin. Zanka should feel honored that his idol is deciding to call him on a random Wednesday morning, but he can't bring himself to feel anything. And he definitely can't bring himself to smile. Especially when he won't see a certain smile ever again . . .
“Hey Enjin. What’s up?”
You okay kid? You sound a little-
“‘M fine. What’s up?”
There is a pause in the call before he hears Enjin sigh.
If you say so. Listen, I was thinking we could go out today! Cheer Rudo up after yesterday!! Maybe we can go get some ice cream or something! Treat’s on me, no need to worry about the cost!!
Zanka holds back all of the words he wants to say in response. The last person Zanka wants to see right now is Rudo. After what Rudo did to the raider.
To HIS raider.
Zanka tries to push out the thoughts. He tries to ignore the images that are flashing back into his mind . . .
Yesterday,something no one knew was possible happened. It happened in just a blink of an eye. Rudo killed a man. But more importantly, Rudo had killed Zanka’s man.
It happened so fast. Zanka was just playing around and fighting the man he secretly adored more than himself. His lover had hit him a little too hard, but it was okay. It always was okay. Zanka was about to get up and continue the fight like he always does. He was smiling, beaming even. Getting beaten up and thrown around just to stand back up and let the pure adrenaline flood his system, pushing him to the best he’s ever been. Zanka loved it.
Loved him.
But then that damn Spherite found them.
Technically all of team Akuta were on a simple mission to clean up a few trash beasts. They weren't supposed to run into anyone really. But Jabber always knew where Zanka was, and he just adored distracting the cleaner. In the middle of the mission, Jabber had made his presence known to Zanka. The two of them snuck off to fight like middle school sweethearts.
Zanka was getting up after a particularly nasty hit from Jabber, and that's when he saw it. Rudo practically appeared out of nowhere. He was on top of Jabber, animalistic and full of rage unlike anything Zanka has seen before. The kid went into a frenzy of madness. Zanka helplessly watched as his lover was beaten to a pulp. Rudo was throwing punches full of Anima like he was possessed. It didn't take too long before the raider under him was dead.
Just like that, Zanka’s life was shattered.
It’s not even been 48 hours and now they want to go get ice cream?! Logically, Zanka hates that it makes sense. Why wouldn't they want to celebrate one of the most problematic raiders not being in the picture anymore? Plus, actually killing a man must be fucking with Rudo’s mind, sothe others are probably trying to distract him to keep his spirits high.
Or maybe they are scared.
No one has ever seen Rudo snap like he did. Even Zanka couldn't pull the boy off of the raider. A few punches in and Zanka was screaming for Rudo to stop. He did everything he could, but the Spherite wouldn’t stop. He had this crazy look in his eyes, like he wasn’t even all there while he continued to punch and punch.
Enjin, Riyo, Follo, and Gris ran in quickly after Zanka started yelling. But they all just watched in silence, too afraid to get in between Rudo and his victim. Paralyzed and sickened by the sight of Rudo as he repeatedly punched the already dead body.
So maybe all of this positive attitude is for their own sanity and comfort. So that they know Rudo won’t snap again. So that he doesn't hurt any of the people the cleaners care about.
Zanka sighs as he pushes down all of his emotions. He has to stay as neutral as possible. If people know he’s upset about more than just the fear of it all, they will start to ask questions.
He doesn't think he can handle those questions right now.
“I'll pass. Thanks for the invite, Enjin.”
It takes a second for Enjin to respond. It almost sounds like he whispers something to someone else before he starts talking again.
Zanka, man, what's up? Seriously. You've been acting weird since . . . yesterday. Is there anything I can do to help?
Zanka can do this. He just has to play cool. Blame it on the fear of Rudo. Don’t let them know anything else.
“I think I have every right to act how I am. You saw how quickly he snapped. I don't want to be near him.”
Zanka, please, Rudo is not some monster. He's our friend. We need to keep his spirits high and-
And if that doesn't leave a bad taste in his mouth. He should just hum in agreement, or at least hang up. He really shouldn’t say anything.
But a deep anger fuels him.
“You're only saying that because he killed a raider. I bet you wouldn’t be like this if he had killed one of us.”
Zanka. Stop that.
“Just saying the truth! What if it was me? Hm? Would you still be giving him ice cream ‘n shit?”
. . . Zanka. Come on. You gotta admit you're at least a little bit relieved that Jabber ain’t a problem anymore.
Zanka's stomach turns at the raider's name being spoken. No one should have the right to say that name besides himself. Especially with the pure hatred and disgust that they all have when they say it.
“I’m fine. Thank you for the invite.”
You'll have to talk to Rudo again someday!! It's not like he-
Zanka hangs up the call. He lays down, pulls Lovely closer, and buries his head into his pillow.
He can still remember the face Jabber made seconds before he took his last breath. The way he reached out for Zanka. The sadistic smile on his face was completely gone and instead a petrified look of panic was plastered on him. He died yelling out in severe pain. Not the yells he would let out when Zanka fought him. Not the yelp that mixed into a giggle as Zanka would break a rib or two. No. He screamed for his life.
He screamed for help.
For Zanka.
But Zanka couldn't save him. He tried. Fuck, he tried. But his efforts were useless. The only time Zanka could get Rudo off of Jabber was when the boy passed out from overuse of his powers. And by then, Jabber was past any hope of saving.
When the other cleaners saw Rudo pass out they rushed over. It was Follo and Gris who came over to Zanka who was sunken next to Jabber's mutilated body. Zanka couldn't hear them as he tried to hold Jabber's cold corpse close. He couldn't feel anything as they looked down at the body like it was just that. A body. Nothing more.
Zanka was barely able to get anything off of Jabber before they pulled him away in disgust. Zanka begged them to help bring his body to the other raiders or at least bury it, but no one would let him. No one thought it was important enough to do. They were too focused on Rudo’s health and getting out of there. They were scared what would happen if other raiders showed up and saw Jabber dead.
So they left. They just left his body there. Alone.
Zanka chokes down another wave of tears. He can only hope that the raiders went to check on Jabber and found him. And maybe, just maybe, they will give his body the respect it deserves and they will bury him somewhere.
Slowly, Zanka lets go of Lovely and reaches for his pocket. His fingers graze over the three things he was able to get off of Jabber’s body before the others pulled him away. Three simple yet precious rings.
Three pieces of Mankira.
Zanka doesn’t pull them out of his pocket, mostly because he doesn't think he could handle looking at her. He can feel the dried blood on her, but he can't bring himself to look. He knows he needs to clean her, respect the last piece of Jabber he has, a piece of the set that Jabber loved and cherished so deeply. But he can’t do it.
Not yet at least.