Chapter Text
September 2003
Illi mcmillin was weird. Her shoulder-length greasy hair was weird. Her fascination with the dead was weird. Her voice? You guessed it. Weird.
It was even weirder how effeminate she was for a ‘boy’. Being 14, closeted and only out to her twin brother Mikey was weird more so the feeling was than the actual situation which could be seen as normal.
Shed lived in belleville her whole life being an offputting comic nerd and artist as she liked to call herself. 9th grade was weird. She had began to take part in the schools music program and they did performances at the end of the winter and summer terms but since covid this was the first one.
It wasn't like she knew nobody she had people she spoke to but as she grew up the distance between her and the old guys she was friends with grew until they began to blanket ignore the black haired freak.
So 9th grade, no friends, it was rough. Her brother was a year below her AND at the one of the other few highschools in their shitty newjersey town. so it wasn't like she could hang out with him much in school was it.
Shed gotten through a month and a half in the year before she was dying to speak to new people, she spoke to a girl, jamia and her girlfriend lindsey briefly at the start of the year and something had possessed her on that random open evening to blurt out to jamia that she was a girl.
The other girl hadn't reacted much and thankfully hadn't outed her despite illis many many freakouts about the idea.
It was on that day that she had noticed a guy following the lesbian couple around the school, he was new and out of place and clearly shadowing Lindsey's schedule, god knows why it wasnt like lynz was a perfect student now was it.
But in illis mind there was something about the boy, about his weird spikey hair and his all too thin eyebrows. He was cute. Instantly illi got a feeling in her chest, she always got these feelings when she met someone that would have an impact on her life. She believed it was a nod to something, her brother thought she was crazy.
Illi was greeted to the sight of the boy again in her english class, the teacher had asked his name and he rambled awkwardly introducing himself last name first.
‘Iero, uh frank iero’
What a loser. Illi was already gone.
Illi stared from across the room, she had been told she had a staring problem before but she just couldn't help it this time, it all looked so sweet. Like she wanted to put him in a little jar and watch him.
The feeling in her chest grew and it felt like washes of yellow crawling up her skin, coating her. Huh? What does that even mean.
She gave a few days of staring before she was forced to pair with him in music.
Their teacher wanted the class in pairs to discuss each others music, out little protagonist looked around the room quickly her greasy hair hitting the sides of her face as she searched. Her eyes locked on jamia and lindsey talking, and frank stood awkwardly next to them. She rushed up out her seat as fast as she could while still looking chill.
“Hey uh, im uh gee uh you're new right?’ her voice caught as she said her deadname.
“Uh yea totally im frank, youre uh in my english right..?”
“Yeah..”
“Yeah..” he replied breathless.
They were both totally just staring at each other and illi felt the yellow again, the hit in her heart.
As if her mouth had a mind of its own she just stared talking, even more shocking, he spoke back. Before she knew it they had to pack away from class and the entire time while she was stuffing her bag the boy was in her ear yammering about comics or films.
It was crazy, like she’d flicked a switch and he was just gonna talk forever, truthfully, illi would have listened. if he'd have let her.
They spent all of lunch nattering, all of the walk to english and all of the walk out the school gates talking, he hopped on his bus and waved excitedly. This was promising.
Illi never had met anyone like frank before. He, illi and lindsey would spend every break talking and every class throwing things at one another, immediately they were a close unit. Jamia had other friends but she came around often, she was more popular than her girlfriend and co.
It didn’t take long for her popular friends to want rid of her and so 3 became 4.
—--------
November 2003
English. No teacher. Perfect.
Frank slid into a seat next to illi as some random old dude started to ramble at the font of class. It wasn't like they were the loudest kids in the room but if other people were talking they sure would be.
It didn't take long before the talking dissolved into a crappy game of truth or dare.
“Come on gee you gotta pick dare!”
“I dont wanna, dork!”
“Dude, truth or dare”
Illi let out a long groan. Shed been thinking alot about how to tell frank she wasnt infact, gee but she hadn't quite figured out how. They'd gotten so close he would go red if she smiled at him and she didnt wanna ruin that by telling him shes a freak. But, there'd be no future if she didn't. Illi was scared but she cant always live a lie.
“Dare.”
“Throw this paper at the back of Ryan's head” he presented her with a wad of worksheet hed just screwed up.
“Frank do you want me dead?” she laughed
“Cmonnnn geeee”
“Fran-”
“Do it do it do it”
Shes not a child that won't work.
“Im not five that-”
“Do it, no balls”
Like she’d care.
“I wish”
A pause.
“What?”
“What, uh bad joke”
They just stared at each other. Give frank some credit he recognised gee was incredibly feminine and hed heard both jamia and lyndz call him lilly or some shit before.
Eh he’ll take the leap.
“Its the rule you have to do it, lilly”
“Illi, dumbass”
“Whatever” as the words left his mouth illi picked up the ball and launched it at Ryan's head, gracefully missing and floating to the floor near by.
“You throw like a girl.”
“Now thats a bad joke you loser”