Chapter Text
The first time Belly saw one of his videos on her fyp, she watched a couple seconds and swiped away. Two TikTok’s later she realized she was still thinking about the way his hands looked on her screen and swiped the opposite direction until he was back.
@mintCONdition
She was shocked to see that he had almost 300,000 followers and close to 1 million likes for what seemed to be not many videos. Almost every video was the same- an overhead shot of a large hand holding a stamp or a book of stamps or a framed set of stamps. A man’s voice spoke over the video, talking about whatever was on screen with a sincerity she couldn’t help but find endearing.
The entire thing was objectively unsexy. Belly didn’t care about stamps or stamp collections or the history of stamps. She couldn’t remember the last time she’d licked a stamp or mailed a letter or been inside a post office. And yet…she couldn’t stop watching. Once the video looped back to the start, she swiped up and watched the next. Then the next. Then the next. Almost 40 minutes later she realized she’d been standing in her kitchen, knee deep in stamp facts, while the ice cream she’d pulled from the freezer melted in the bowl.
There was something about his voice that made her want more. The way it pitched higher when he got excited about a specific stamp, or the way it sounded deeper-gravelly even-when he posted in the mornings. He never showed his face. He never showed any part of himself other than his hands, but she’d started filling in the blanks on her own.
His fingers were long and his wrists were lean and veiny in a way that made her mouth water. He was tan, but not so tan that she thought he spent days sunbathing. She wondered how tall he was and then decided he was probably pretty tall. At least 6’. She imagined broad shoulders and nice teeth and dark hair. It was her little fantasy, so she could picture him however she wanted.
She got used to him posting at least a few times a week and found herself getting excited when a new video popped up. Once, he went almost four days without posting a new video and when he finally did, his voice was low and he sounded exhausted and he apologized for not being around, saying he’d been on nights at the hospital. Another little piece of his identity she could add to her fantasy. She started wondering what he did there. Was he a nurse? A doctor? A surgeon? Did anyone at the hospital know he collected stamps or had an entire TikTok dedicated to it?
The more he posted, the higher his follower count climbed. She hadn’t followed him at first, feeling somehow unworthy considering she didn’t actually care about stamps. But after a few weeks she bit the bullet, wanting to be lumped in with the new followers he thanked in his videos.
--
Two months after she started following him, Belly and Taylor decided on a beach day. When she first moved to California, she’d imagined morning walks on the beach, every weekend spent in the sand, sunsets by the ocean. In reality, she’d been to the beach less than 5 times in the almost six months she’d been in the bay area. It had taken her longer to get settled than she imagined and most days after work she just wanted to lie on the couch with a glass of wine and her phone. So, when Taylor suggested a “Sunday Funday” at the beach in Montara, she’d happily agreed then put “everything shower” on her to do list before the weekend.
“Did you bring your speaker, B? I thought mine was in my beach bag, but Steven’s dumbass is always stealing it because he can’t remember to charge his own”
Belly reached into her own bag and pulled out her speaker, turning it on before grabbing her phone and settling into one of the chairs Taylor brought. The second she unlocked her phone, TikTok was already pulled up and one of @mintCONdition’s videos was playing, blasting through her speaker for everyone around them to hear.
Belly fumbled her phone as she tried to exit the app, dropping it into the sand. Taylor’s eyes darted between her and the speaker that was loudly informing the beach about The Stamp Act of 1765.
“New hobby you need to tell me about?” Taylor asked with a smirk moving across her lips. Belly finally grabbed her phone from the sand and switched to a Spotify playlist.
“It’s just whatever video was up when I opened my phone. It’s not like…a big deal or anything”
She could feel herself blushing and knew Taylor would notice-had noticed.
“He sounded kinda hot. I mean, nerdy, obviously, but kinda hot. What’s he look like?”
“He doesn’t…it’s just his hands. And stamps. Like…him showing his stamp collection”
“Kinky” Taylor replied sarcastically, leaning back in her own chair and pulling her sunglasses down from the top of her head. She reached her hand toward Belly and opened her palm.
“Lemme see”
“Taylor, it’s just some guy talking about stamps…”
“Some guy with a hot voice talking about stamps that you’re blushing over. Hand it over. Let me see what we’re working with here”
She handed her phone to Taylor with the TikTok account in question pulled up, then turned the volume down on her speaker while her friend swiped through videos.
“He’s got like…a lot of followers. Like…way too many followers for some shit about stamps”
“Yeah, I thought it seemed kinda weird too. Maybe it’s just a more popular hobby than we thought?”
Taylor started laughing and when Belly looked over at her she was scrolling through the comments on one of his videos.
“Oh my god, B, please tell me you’re not in his comments with some horny shit like all these other girls”
“What?! No! I’ve never commented”
“If you need any stamp licking practice, I volunteer as tribute”
“Not your hands making those stamps look like miniatures”
“Never wanted to be a postage stamp so bad”
Taylor read off some of the comments on one of his posts, voice getting louder and more excited with each one. Belly couldn’t help but laugh. It was reassuring in a way, knowing she wasn’t the only person out there down bad for this faceless nerd with a grandpa hobby.
“Oh my god…people are telling him to start an OnlyFans. That’s like…fucking insane”
“An Only Fans?! I can’t imagine a guy who spends almost 10 minutes talking about a Tolkien stamp would want to like…send dick pics to strangers…”
Belly felt her face start to heat up as she said it and felt ridiculous. Getting turned on by the idea of some random man taking explicit pictures when she didn’t even know what he looked like was absurd. She probably needed to unfollow him and stop thirsting after his geeky videos and let her weird little crush die.
When she looked back at Taylor, she was typing something on Belly’s phone with a giant, mischievous grin on her face. Belly lunged to grab the phone, but Taylor pulled her arms to the side just in time.
“Taylor! What the fuck are you doing?!”
“If you’re gonna be lusting after this guy, you may as well shoot your shot. And I already know you’re too scared to make a move yourself, so… you can thank me later. Ya know, when you two are picking out the perfect stamps for your wedding invites or whatever”
Taylor tossed Belly her phone back and leaned back in her chair, clearly proud of herself. When Belly looked at the screen, Taylor had sent him a DM. To make matters worse, there was a little green dot next to his name and under the message Taylor sent there was a little ‘seen’.
“Oh my fucking God, are you serious?! He already saw it, Tay! I can’t even like…unsend it”
“Like I said, you can thank me later”
is.conklin: Can’t say I totally disagree with all the comments saying you should get an OF…
“Now I look like a total creep. Like I’m…propositioning a stranger on the internet. You’ve made me the kind of person our parents warned us about, Tay!”
Taylor laughed, grabbing a bottle of sunblock from her bag and emptying a dollop into her palm.
“Oh my god, he’s typing”
Taylor threw the sunblock back into her back and quickly put what was in her palm along her chest, leaning as far over as she could to look at Belly’s screen.
“He’s probably about to tell me to keep an eye out for the police or…or say he’s filing a restraining order”
“Oh relax, Belly. Maybe he thinks it’s sweet”
“Sure. Yeah, I’m sure he thinks it’s sweet that I’m asking him to sell his body on the internet”
“Hey, sex work is work. Don’t slut shame his hustle, B! And don’t even try to pretend you wouldn’t subscribe”
“I wouldn’t!”
She knew it was bullshit before she even said it. Taylor knew it too, raising an eyebrow and quirking her lips to one side.
mintCONdition: Ha, thanks I guess? Unfortunately I think I’m a little too boring and way too shy for that.
“Awww…that’s actually like, really cute. We love a humble king. What’re you gonna say back?”
Belly was smiling down at her phone, imagining his voice saying the words out loud. She liked that he was shy. She liked that he thought he was boring, even though she thought he was the most interesting thing she’d found on social media in months.
“I’m not replying. I’m going to leave this poor, innocent man alone and let him get back to enjoying his stamps in peace”
“Lame”
Belly locked her phone and slid it into her bag, then stared out at the ocean and wondered what his hands would feel like rubbing sunblock on to her back.
--
When she got home that evening, sun kissed and tired in that delicious way she always was after a day in the water, she opened TikTok to a notification.
mintCONdition started following you.
She couldn’t help but grin as she clicked on her profile views and saw his name pop up again. For the next hour she watched back through her recent videos, trying to imagine what he thought of her and of the things she'd posted.
There were some videos of her and Taylor out and about, a tipsy get ready with me she’d posted a couple months before and felt embarrassed about watching it back, imagining him watching her put on makeup and sing along to Olivia Rodrigo.
Clicking on to his profile, she watched his most recent video again. He was holding a sheet of stamps with a stylized version of the word ‘love’ on them while he talked about the Love Stamp Series that was introduced by the USPS in 1973. She liked the video before scrolling through a few more. When she got to the video (that she’d already seen (multiple times)) of a JRR Tolkien stamp, she opened the comments and started typing before overthinking it.
is.conklin: Do you have any Hunger Games stamps?
The next day he replied that he didn’t but would keep an eye out, then 4 days later he liked a video she’d posted almost a year before showing her laptop open on her bed with Roman Holiday playing. Her caption read “nights in with Audrey are my favorite".
Two days later a new video of his popped up. He was holding a sheet of Audrey Hepburn stamps from a Legends of Hollywood series. Belly smiled so hard her cheeks hurt and she fell asleep imagining she was Princess Ann and he was Joe Bradley and they were kissing on a riverbank in Rome.