Chapter Text
Checks her phone. Nothing.
Milk pushes herself up from the couch and walks to grab her jacket. It's the weekend, and she hears nothing from her girlfriend, yet she doesn’t want to just stay in her apartment doing nothing. She’d probably call her girlfriend on her way out.
“Going out?”
Milk stops, turning to face Emi, her friend and also her housemate. She nods casually.
“Count me in. I’m bored as fuck.” Emi skips back into her room to get her stuff.
“Wait, but I’m gonna be with my girl.”
Emi, the slightly shorter woman, comes back, putting her jacket on while shrugging her shoulders. “I can’t tag along? Oh, is it a date?”
“No— no, it’s…” Milk shakes her head, but she’s not sure of the answer. “It’s just—”
“Speaking of your girlfriend, I haven’t met her yet, so this is the perfect moment for you to introduce us.” Emi cuts her off.
That’s the problem. Milk scratches the back of her head. Nothing’s itchy there, but the conversation starts to get awkward even though Emi hasn’t noticed it yet. Milk tries to find a good way to explain, but it’s not as easy as she thought it would be. She is so sure that Emi will find it weird.
“I don’t think I can do that.”
“What? Why not?”
“She… uh, she doesn’t want to. She wants to keep our relationship private.”
Emi’s eyebrows slowly furrow. The wires in her head start to connect with each other. She frowns. “Who the hell are you dating? A GMMTv artist? What’s with the private shit? I am your friend, not a fan. Are you dating a hitman? Did your girlfriend hold the government’s secret?”
Milk sighs. She knows Emi would react exactly like that. It’s quite funny, but at the same time, she can tell that Emi is genuinely curious.
“It’s a long story, but I promise I will introduce her to you when it’s time.”
“So basically, your girlfriend keeps you a secret?”
“It’s not… it’s not like that.” Milk shakes her head, but her mind couldn’t help but agree.
“Seems like it is to me.”
“Look, we’ll hang out next time, okay? My treat.” Milk walks toward the door, trying to stop the conversation, especially the topic about her girlfriend. She leaves Emi and still hears the woman nagging, calling her girlfriend a secret agent and other names.
Well, Love Pattranite is not a secret agent, nor a hitman.
Love is Milk’s girlfriend. She is a year younger and majors in Business at the same university, while Milk studies medicine. They met casually at a campus event. Milk was standing behind Love in line when Love accidentally dropped her pen, and Milk volunteered to pick it up. Their first words to each other were a simple “thank you” and “you’re welcome,” and then they both went on with their day.
However, it feels like fate when they keep seeing each other again and again, until it turned something regular and impossible to ignore. They became friends, and eventually, Milk’s feelings began to change. She couldn’t no longer see Love as just a friend, but she was afraid that Love would leave if she confessed. Days turned into months. Then one night, Milk told herself “Y.O.L.O,” and conflict happened but eventually…
Boom. Love is hers.
When Milk thinks about it again, she realizes the consequences of dating Pattranite are right there. She was asked to keep the relationship a secret—and she did.
Milk doesn’t mind. She knows Love has never dated a woman before, and that she is known as someone as straight as a ruler before meeting Milk. That label still sticks, helping keep her “reputation” intact. They talked about it. There were a couple of fights, but Milk couldn’t stay mad at her girlfriend, and that explained a lot.
Milk taps the call button and waits as it rings. It takes quite a while.
“Hello?”
Just hello.
“Hey, babe. Are you free tonight? Wanna go out?”
“I’m with my friends.”
Right. No wonder Love greets her like that. Milk pulls her phone slightly away and sighs. It’s been like that always. Too often. She runs her fingers through her hair and puts her phone back to her ear.
“Okay, then. Have fun. I’ll just go out with my friend.”
“Okay.”
No goodbye. Just hung up right away. Great.
Milk puts her phone back in her pocket, pursing her lips. Now what? Her girlfriend is having fun with her friends on the weekend, and she is left alone with…
The door to their apartment opens once again. Emi looks up, and a smug smile already appears on her face. “What happened? Did Miss Secret Agent cancel the night date?”
“Shut up. Grab your jacket, we’re going out.” Milk says quickly as she stands by the doorframe, her hand gripping the knob. She has no time to waste, especially when Emi is so ready to make fun of her.
“Wait! Tell me what happened first!”
They argued about the place to go and Emi won. Now they are in the nearest pub, which is basically full of people on the weekend. Milk suggested a cafe, but unfortunately, she didn’t have a good reason to support her own suggestion.
Emi orders their drinks and some snacks while Milk relaxes against the chair.
“My friend texted me just now. Can she join us?” Emi asks as she types on her phone. She looks up when Milk only answers with a nod. “Can she bring her friends too?”
“She can bring the whole class, Mi. Why would you need my permission? I’m not the one who pays for everything.” Milk takes a sip and immediately grimaces at Emi’s choice of drink.
“About that.” Emi grins.
“What?”
“Can you pay for mine? Mom hasn’t transferred yet, hehe.”
Milk rolls her eyes. She knows it’s a lie, but that’s not actually a big deal for her. She grew up with zero money problems in the family, so even if Emi uses her or takes advantage of her in terms of money, it wouldn’t be an issue for the Vosbein girl.
“Yeah, whatever.” Milk mumbles softly. “Anyway, who is this friend? Usually you just mention their names.”
“Someone from my class. I posted an IG story earlier and she DM’ed me asking if she can tag along with her friends.”
“What did you post?”
Emi clicks her tongue. “Girl, do you even use Instagram? Just check it on your phone. I even tagged you.”
Milk fishes her phone out and taps to open the app. There are lots of stories that her friend posted, so she keeps tapping to find the one she wants to see. “Why are you so active on Instagram?”
“Why aren’t you?”
“I have nothing to show people,” Milk says as she views every single video and photo. It’s mostly Emi updating her life, including the unnecessary parts—like a photo of her empty drink. Who cares about that? Milk thinks.
“Right, you can’t show everyone your girlfriend.”
Milk is about to tell her friend to shut up when her phone screen shows a picture of her, taken secretly by Emi, with the caption: ‘Night out 😝 with @milky_pan. Again 😒 who wants to join us?’
Milk kicks Emi’s leg under the table. “Who’s the one begging to join me earlier?”
Emi grins shamelessly.
“Wait, if my friend brings her friends, who knows… maybe we both can, you know.” The woman wiggles her eyebrows, showing a mischievous smile.
“Why do you keep forgetting that I have a girlfriend?”
“Because you didn’t introduce her to me!” Emi groans. “I’m starting to think that she only exists in your imagination.”
“She’s real in this world, so shut up. And I told you, I’ll do it when it’s time.” Milk is already annoyed with Emi, but she can’t blame her friend for being curious and even suspicious about it. “Also, don’t talk like that. You act like every woman in this area wants you.”
“What do you mean? I’m charming as fuck.”
Milk squints her eyes. “Charming my ass. Last night you were begging your ex on the phone. Which part of that seems charming to you?”
“Wait, you heard that?”
“You were so freaking loud, Emi.”
Emi pouts. “I just want Bonnie to take me back.”
“And just now you were talking about getting girls. Bonnie did the right thing by leaving you.”
“Damn, who hurt you today?!” Emi throws a light punch on Milk’s arm. “Is it because your girlfriend canceled your plan tonight?”
“Let’s not talk about that. Let’s just enjoy the night.” Milk sighs. She raises her glass and clinks it with Emi’s, the first cheer for the night.
“That’s what I thought.”
Fifteen minutes later, Emi sees the familiar face from afar. She raises her hand and waves. It’s the said friend with her group of friends. Milk also turns to see, and both she and Emi thought that there would just be a couple of them, but no. There are four of them. Even Emi is surprised, and they have to move to a bigger table.
“Hey, Jane!” Emi greets her classmate. She nudges Milk to do the same, and the woman only smiles and nods.
However, something catches Milk’s attention. Or someone.
“So these are my friends. Tu, Prim, View, and Love.” Jane gestures towards her group. “I hope you don’t mind us joining. We had a plan earlier, but something happened instead.”
“What happened?” Emi sounds so enthusiastic while Milk freezes in her seat.
Love sees her. She knows, even now, the woman looks away, pretending that she is just a friend of a friend. Milk doesn’t know how to react. She’s not sure whether she should be happy that she finally gets to hang out with her girlfriend or be disappointed that nobody in the group, including Emi, knows that they are girlfriends.
“We were supposed to be at Johnny’s sister’s new cafe, but he then said that he had an emergency and couldn’t be there. Even the cafe had to be closed, so we assumed that it was a family emergency. We had no idea where else to go, and then I saw your IG story.”
“Yeah, what a coincidence. It’s just the two of us, and it’s also a last-minute plan because this girl here got stood—”
Emi doesn’t get to finish her words when Milk kicks her on the shin under the table.
Love shoots a quick glance. It’s obvious that she looks uncomfortable with the situation, though none of her friends knows anything or feels suspicious.
Jane shifts her gaze towards the taller woman. “So this is…?”
“Ah, I forgot to introduce my friend.” Emi places her hand on Milk’s shoulder, gripping it slightly harder than usual as a return for kicking her leg. “This is Milk, also my housemate. We’ve been best friends for years now, and people somehow thought that we were together, romantically.”
Love raises her eyebrows while the others laugh at the simple joke.
“No, they don’t,” Milk quickly denies it.
“Wait, are you also in business?” Jane asks.
“No, I’m in med school.”
“Ah, no wonder I’ve never seen you before. Nice to meet you, by the way.”
“Yeah, nice to meet you too.” Milk returns a smile, her eyes sneaking a glance at Love. Surely, this will be brought up as a topic for later when they are alone.
Fortunately, the situation is not as awkward as Milk had thought. Emi is an extrovert, and so is Milk, but she’s not as extremely friendly as Emi, who can have a conversation with new people smoothly. So her short-haired friend does most of the talking, and on the other side, it’s Jane.
Tu, Prim, and View seem to be the introverted ones who are only loud in the circle. Milk recognizes these names but not the faces. Love had told her about them, her friends since high school.
The topics are mostly about their studies. These people are in the business faculty, so Milk doesn’t want to weird them out by talking about symptoms and diseases. She sits there, sipping her drink while constantly glancing at her girlfriend.
What if she suddenly blurts out, “Me and Love are dating,” in front of them? Is Love going to be mad at her? Or is she going to deny it immediately? What if she did?
The thought spirals in her head. Love notices the slight uneasiness on her face. She can’t hide that.
Milk gets up from her seat, drawing everyone’s attention as they stop talking.
“Where are you going?” Emi asks.
“Restroom,” she says quickly before leaving the table.
Milk needs a break. People would notice if she stays there without saying anything. Her heart keeps beating in a different rhythm, unusual. Maybe it’s the drink that caused her to feel this uneasy. Or maybe it’s just Love. She has no idea.
The short walk to the restroom makes her sigh in relief. She didn’t have to face anyone or show them the uncontrolled expression on her face. For some reason, she’s desperate for some air. Her jacket suddenly feels tight and her face hot.
Milk grips the sink with both hands, ignoring the public germs she was supposed to be aware of. Her gaze stays down as she keeps the tap open and watches the water flow into the drain. What a waste, but not that she cares. Her emotions are more important. There is something that keeps bothering her, and it’s nothing related to anger. There’s confusion. Her heart keeps asking for an answer. The one that only Love could give her.
She takes her jacket off, a little too aggressively when it gets stuck around her arm. She wants to hurl it somewhere, but this is a public restroom. There are some wet areas on the floor, and it’s dirty.
She can’t blame Love, nor herself, for this. Not everyone has the same privilege as hers. Milk grew up in a place where people don’t give a damn about your sexuality. Your career and reputation are more important in that house, so she can’t rush Love into coming out to her own family and friends.
However, her own emotions betray her. She said she was fine, until things like this happened right in front of her face. It’s hard when she can’t show off her own pretty girlfriend to anyone and has to stay cool when people assume her girlfriend is a single, heterosexual.
“Everything’s fine. Not a big deal.” Milk whispers to herself, repeating the words like a mantra. But her brain refuses to listen.
“Milk?”
Milk turns.
Love stands near the entrance, staring at her with her wide ‘boba’ eyes. The ones Milk couldn’t resist.
“You’re taking too long. I was… I was worried.”
Milk blinks. Is that true? But aren’t we supposed to not know each other right now?
“Really? I feel like I just got here.”
Love doesn’t respond to that. She takes a step closer, and now she has to tilt her head up to match Milk’s gaze, but then her eyes shift toward the jacket in the taller woman’s hands.
“What’s wrong?”
“Nothing.” Milk looks down at her jacket and then decides to put it back on. “I felt something crawling up my back, so I took it off.”
The air around them somehow thickens. Neither of them mutters a word after that. Love just watches as Milk fixes her outfit, hoping the shorter woman would say something, anything about what just happened.
“Milk—”
“I’ll go out first,” Milk says. Even she herself has no idea why she would stop Love from saying anything when she was the one who needs Love to speak up about this.
Maybe she’s not ready for any of this. Too much of a coward?
“Milk, wait—” Love grabs her girlfriend’s arm, but Milk gently takes her hand off her.
“Let’s not make them find out that we know each other,” Milk says as a reminder, but why does it hurt? Know each other? They are girlfriends. That’s more than just ‘know each other’. They’ve kissed. They’ve hugged. They have shared the same bed before and no one suspected a thing.
“Milk…” Love knows that Milk is disappointed in her, but she just wants her to understand. This is not as easy as it seems. “We’ll talk after this.”
“Sure.” Milk answers shortly before exiting the restroom, not even sparing a glance at her girlfriend because she doesn’t need Love to see the expression in her eyes. She couldn’t hide that.
The night goes well for people who are trying to make new friends. It is effortless for Emi, yet a bit challenging for Milk since she is from a different faculty. However, the awkwardness is well controlled. Overall, they would hang out again when there’s a chance.
“Thanks for the drinks, Emi,” Jane says as everyone gets up from their seats.
“Oh no, it’s not me. It’s Milk. Her dad is rich,” Emi remarks jokingly, only for Milk to flick her on the back of her head.
“Thanks, Milk. Maybe next time, it’s on us.” Jane gives a friendly pat on Milk’s arm, and Milk already feels the gaze of a certain someone on her.
“No problem.” Milk smiles.
“How about karaoke next time?” Emi suggests. She knows that she herself would take over the mic most of the time while others watch, so that’s a good strategy since Milk would not agree if it’s just the two of them.
“Sure! That’ll be fun.”
“Anyway, do you guys come here by car or…? Does anyone need a ride?”
They look at each other. View briefly points a finger toward Tu, but the woman quickly shakes her head.
Emi raises her eyebrows. “What? Do you need a ride home, Tu?”
“No. No need.” Tu waves her hands, refusing the offer. “My place is quite far, so I’m taking a Grab.”
“Grab at night? We can give you a ride.” Milk offers this time. Taking a Grab is normal but they couldn’t just let one person take it at night. Especially a woman.
“What about you guys?”
“Our places are nearby, so that’s why Tu usually takes a Grab instead. I mean, we could give her a ride, but she always refuses,” Jane explains.
Now it makes sense. Tu doesn’t want to be a burden to her friends, but it’s not actually a big deal.
“It’s okay, we’ll give you a ride tonight,” Emi says.
“No, it’s fine, really. I’m used to this.”
“Doesn’t mean you have to decline our offer,” Milk says with a gentle smile on her face.
“Come on, I’m sure your place is not that far. If it is, then we’ll charge—probably half the Grab price, so you’ll still get the benefit,” Emi jokes and laughs at her own words while Milk rolls her eyes. The other girls giggle.
And surely, Emi is wrong with her statement. The ride to Tu’s house is unusually long, and Emi could say it’s like going back to her mother’s house. Tu keeps apologizing even though the two housemates say it’s fine.
It’s past midnight. Milk is the one who drives while Emi sits next to her and Tu at the back.
“Did you do this every weekend? Damn,” Emi asks.
Tu chuckles. “Not all the time. It’s just that my current apartment is under renovation, so I’m staying at my parents’ for now. I take Grab ’cause I feel bad asking them to give me a ride.”
“But it’s quite dangerous to take it at night, you know. Especially a long ride like this. You could at least prepare—like pepper spray in your bag,” Milk states her concern. Things could happen nowadays, so it’s better to stay prepared, especially for girls.
“Right.”
Emi then turns her upper body slightly to face Tu. A smile appears on her face, and Milk can tell the woman is about to say something stupid.
“Do you have a boyfriend? Or girlfriend?”
“Emi,” Milk calls, but she can’t do much while driving. She looks up at the rearview mirror to see Tu’s reaction, and if the woman shows any discomfort, she will pull Emi by her ear.
“What? I’m asking the most common question on earth,” Emi shrugs.
“The most common question on earth is definitely not that.”
“Whatever, nerd. You’re boring.” Emi turns back to Tu, who is amused by the interaction. “So?”
Tu shakes her head and smiles softly. “No boyfriend or girlfriend.”
“Not yet?”
Tu giggles but agrees. “Not yet.”
“Well, what about flings? Or hook-ups?”
“Emi!”
They reach Tu’s house right at 2 AM. They can tell that the woman is also from a rich family and maybe the whole group is. No wonder they are all best friends.
Milk knows Love’s parents, but not because she was ever introduced to them. Rather because of her own family. Milk has heard her father mention Limpatiyakorn more times than he ever calls her name.
That shows how obsessed he is with it.
“What do you think of us?” Emi asks once Tu is gone.
“Of you and Tu? You just know her for five hours. Calm your tits, Emi. Or I’ll call Bonnie.” Milk glares at her best friend.
“Not you using my weakness! You know my feelings for Bonnie, right? I will always love her even though she hates me now.”
“Then win her over again, not looking for new flings like a whore.”
Both Milk and Emi roll their eyes at each other.
After parking the car in the basement, Milk receives a text on her phone. She looks up and sees Emi a few steps ahead of her, completely unaware. Milk taps on the notification, it’s Love.
♥️ : Can you come over?
Milk sighs. She knows that if she goes over, they’ll end up arguing, especially about what happened earlier. There are so many things to say, from both of them, but Milk isn’t prepared tonight. All she wants is to crawl into bed and sleep.
Milk : I just got home.
♥️ : From sending Tu?
♥️ : My place is 15 minutes away. Hers took hours…
Milk : Fine
Milk : I’ll be there in ten
“Emi,” Milk calls, making her friend stop and turn, brows raised. “I have to go somewhere.”
Emi glances at her watch. “At this hour? Want me to come with you?”
“No, it’s okay. My girl called. I’ll probably stay over or something.”
“I see…” Emi smirks. “Finally didn’t get ignored by your girl, huh?”
“She didn’t ignore me,” Milk protests, but she doesn’t want to argue. She just waves goodbye and walks back to her car. She hears Emi telling her to take care before she gets in and starts the engine again.
Here we go.
Milk prepares herself for whatever topics Love is about to bring up—or maybe she just hopes Love is too sleepy to stay awake.
When she arrives, Love opens the door and quietly lets her in. No words are exchanged until Milk sets her phone down on the couch.
Love’s apartment is smaller but cozy. She lives alone, so it’s more than enough. Her father once offered her a much bigger place, saying she deserved the best this world had to offer. She’s her parents’ only heir, and he doesn’t mind spoiling her with his wealth. He just wants her to have everything and be happy. He’s practically the father everyone wishes for.
“You’re not sleepy yet?” Milk asks softly as she sits on the couch, her gaze drifting back to her girlfriend.
“How could I be,” Love replies, “when my girlfriend is busy taking another woman home?”
There it is.
Milk scratches the back of her head, unsure how to react. Honestly, she decides not to say much—this is common in their relationship. One of the top ten recurring issues. Milk has already memorized the steps.
“Isn’t that your friend?” she asks. “Why are you talking like she’s some random girl?”
Love bites her bottom lip, eyes shooting daggers at Milk. “You were way too eager to offer her a ride earlier.”
Milk stands and takes Love’s hand, relieved when she doesn’t pull away. “You wouldn’t want your friend riding with a stranger in the middle of the night, right? It’s dangerous.”
“But why couldn’t you let your friend offer instead? Why did it have to be you?”
Milk closes her eyes. It’s past midnight. She’s sleepy, and she knows Love is too. She pulls Love closer until they settle back onto the couch—Love sitting sideways on her lap. Milk wraps her arms around her.
“We came in my car. It’d be weird if Emi suddenly offered without even asking me,” Milk explains gently, ending with a soft yawn. She rests her chin on Love’s shoulder, lips brushing her cheek. “Let’s get you to sleep.”
“I’m not a kid,” Love huffs. “And I’m not done. We still need to talk about what happened earlier.”
“Can we talk about it another time?” Milk murmurs, comfortable where she is. She doesn’t want serious conversations while cuddling. “It was just a coincidence. And I finally got to meet your friends—you got to meet Emi. She keeps asking when will I introduce you to her.”
Love presses her lips together. There’s always a mix of feelings about this. She knows Milk understands, but for how long? She isn’t ready. Even earlier, before her circle joined Milk and Emi, her friends wouldn’t stop talking about men. Love stayed quiet while they tried to set her up with people they knew. She always refused, but she doesn’t know how long it’ll take before they start suspecting something.
“Has Emi dated girls?” Love asks instead, dodging Milk’s words.
Milk chuckles. “Emi’s crazy for girls, baby. She even asked me if she and Tu would look good together.”
“Is she crazy for you too?” Love pulls back, frowning as she waits for the answer. She barely knows Emi—just that she’s an extrovert who talks to everyone. The suspicion lingers until Milk laughs.
“Hell no. We’re like sisters. She’d gag if she heard that.”
Milk tightens her arms around Love. Her breathing evens out. She can feel Love getting sleepier and she herself isn’t far behind.
“You’re staying over, right?” Love asks softly.
“Do you want me to?” Milk mumbles, half-asleep.
“I’m not letting you drive like this. Let’s go to bed.”
Love pulls her up and leads her to the bedroom. She lets Milk slip under the blanket first before turning off the main light, leaving the bedside lamp on so the room isn’t completely dark. She watches as Milk slowly drifts into sleep. After hours of driving, she needs it.
There’s one more thing Love wants to talk about. It’s been on her mind for a while now, but she can’t bring herself to say it when Milk looks this exhausted. It’s about what happened in the restroom. She knows Milk was thinking about something.
She knows their relationship isn’t perfect yet.
And most importantly, she knows she’s the one to blame.