Chapter Text
Liliana's P.O.V.
For as long as I can remember, the darkness always brought me far more comfort than the light ever could. The peacefulness of the night sky seemed to put my overthinking mind at ease, the twinkling stars shining a little brighter tonight. I turned to glance at Ominis, who was swinging his legs back and forth on the ledge. As of late, this space seemed to be the only location where pain and worry felt powerless, and it was evident that the two of us needed a moment of that peace.
Soft, mellifluous lyrics echoed in the distance as members of the Hogwarts choir offered their respects to the soul who had reached Death's Gate. Fig's funeral had just concluded in the Great Hall about an hour ago, my hand still clutching around his wand as though it were my life support. The gold detailing of the handle shimmered against the moonlight, standing out from the dark oak wood. It was selfish of me to keep it, the shameful guilt eating away at my moral compass like an intoxicating poison. The wand should have been buried with him, stored in his coffin for eternity. I had the chance when Headmistress Weasley asked if I wanted to give a speech at the funeral, graciously reminding me not to feel obligated, given everything that's impacted my psyche. Declining the offer, I attended the funeral, knowing it would provide a fragment of the closure I needed. Yet the wand remained in my possession, and the memories and objects from the repository grew increasingly difficult to eliminate.
I've been trying not to blame myself for Fig's death, yet my mind betrayed me, creating what-if scenarios that felt so real, causing the guilt to settle deeper in my soul. Such inane thoughts set off a spiral into the depths of despair, questioning every decision I've made since my acceptance letter crinkled from excitement.
How different these past few months might have looked had I made different choices for all the difficult paths I encountered. Perhaps Ominis had similar thoughts but for different reasons. Just as I let out another shaky breath, he had broken the torturous silence, pulling me out of my thoughts.
"Lil," he muttered, voice low that it was nearly overpowered by the sound of water lapping against the shore. It's not like there was a need for us to be quiet, considering everyone else was either paying their respects at the burial or returning to their common rooms to prepare for the O.W.L.'s that were quickly approaching. I was thankful the view of Hogsmeade Village was obscured by the castle turrets, knowing the streets had been vacant as ever after news of a kidnapping had released to the public.
He and I were currently sitting on a stone ledge, the wood from the rickety bridge groaning with each rush of wind. It was nothing compared to the view before us. The Black Lake's waves rushed with intensity, the occasional fish jumping from the water to enjoy the view as well, while the Glenfinnan Viaduct stretched across the valley in the distance. "Yes, Ominis?", I answered, voice jagged.
He let out a slow breath, tilting his face slightly upward as if trying to feel the scenery I could see. "Describe it to me," he said. "I know I've been coming here since before I was 11, but humor me, won't you?"
That was probably the last thing I was expecting Ominis to say. I turned my attention to the castle, watching the multiple dials of the clock tower as they spun around the tower's massive clock. Then, I shifted my focus elsewhere, examining each of the spires, how the stone structure had worn with age, some coaxed with a layer of moss that stretched toward the roofing.
I opened my mouth to convey an answer, closing it not a moment later. How does one describe the beauty of Hogwarts Castle to someone who has never experienced sight? My question remained unanswered as I stared at the structure vacuously.
I realized that Ominis would never be able to understand sight, but he understood emotion. I turned back to Ominis to give my answer. "The sight of the Hogwarts castle is something that I could associate with the feeling of being home, a happy one at least," I muttered, my fingers reaching for the pendant of my necklace to keep me steady. "I see a place where one is supposed to feel safest, even when all hope is lost. Even during the occasions I'd return with torn gear and blood spilling from various wounds, I knew I had people ready to have my back."
Twisting the oak wand in my hand, I felt the corners of my mouth faintly twist upward. "I think—" my voice failed, words catching in my throat. "I think that's why I fought so hard down in the repository." I swallowed, a knot forming in my throat. "Tonight, however, the ambiance seems tired. Like it's mourning with us."
"Lili...", he warned, "we have all faced difficult decisions throughout this year, but you cannot possibly blame yourself for every single bad outcome."
"I blame myself for Fig's death," I replied, my tone abrasive. "It's all my fault." Anger was heavily present in my speech; my fingers tightened around the pendant enough to nearly pierce the flesh. "Fig is the reason Hogwarts became my home, and for that reason, I—I was prepared to die during my fight against Ranrok. The thought of the wizarding world being under Ranrok's control was far more terrifying than the idea of facing death. He killed his own brother, all because Lodgok had known the location of Isadora's repository." My breathing became erratic. "I don't even want to imagine how many people he would've killed for simply defying him." Examining the stone once again, a gruesome image flowed to the front of my mind: sharp cracks forming throughout the castle as the foundation threatened to cave. "And for what purpose? To prove a point? To force every living entity in the wizarding world to turn on the 'wand carriers', and force them to believe an ideology that goblins are the superiors?" The anger was starting to take over again, and it was difficult not to lose control.
"My mind has been reminiscing on the night in the scriptorium," he admitted. "Possessing any sort of positive thoughts about it was not easy, especially when you—your screams,"
My hand reached for his, giving it a gentle squeeze. The scriptorium wasn't a memory I preferred to dwell on. For Ominis, it must have been equally painful, hearing my cries as though he were the one inflicting the curse. "Eventually, I accepted that I could justify meeting a fatal end while fighting for something I believe to be worth it, rather than dying from stupid decisions." There was a moment of silence before he spoke again. "I honestly wouldn't mind dying here."
Upon hearing his words, my head snapped in his direction. All feelings of anger ceased. "Ominis.." I muttered, tone turning soft. I scanned his face, searching for any sign of pain in his countenance.
"I don't mean that in any bad way. We all die eventually, and not everyone enjoys thinking about how they'll meet their demise." The corners of his mouth twisted upward, forming a smile, but it was fleeting. "I wish my aunt had been able to make it through the scriptorium without facing death, but she died because she wanted to prove that the Slytherin family was more than just dark arts and the epitome of prejudice over blood status." Frustration radiated from his tone as he spoke. "My respect for her has never been higher. I hope I die a hero because Aunt Noctua will always be a hero to me."
"I'm glad to hear your perspective changed," I added, rubbing my thumb against his knuckles. "I respect your wishes, as long as you promise me you'll be the last to die," my voice was tinged with teasing in an attempt to lift the mood.
"Excuse me, Liliana, who else is going to come back as a ghost and remind you and Sebastian about your dumb decisions before you act on them? I believe I'm the only one suitable for that task." An expression of amusement flickered across his face.
"I guess that's only fair," I agreed with a low huff, knowing I was in no position to argue. Putting Fig's wand back into my pocket, I shifted the conversation to something more serious. "Since the term's end is upon us, I'd like to wish you and Sebastian the best of luck during the summer months."
He shook his head back and forth before finally running a hand through his hair. "Honestly, I'm not sure what to expect during the summer months. For the longest time, I spent all my holidays with Anne and Sebastian in Feldcroft. Solomon would conjure a third bed, which usually went unused with how often the three of us would try to camp out on the Feldcroft tower." His face dropped, as though the statement had physically pulled him back to the memory. "I can't even remember the last time I spent an entire summer vacation with my actual family. The Sallow family has been the family I've always wanted to be a part of as long as I've known them."
The clock tower chimed in the background pulling Ominis and me back to the present. Turning my attention back toward the castle building, my eyes were immediately drawn to the dim windows, confirmation that most students had retired for the night.
All the lights from the faculty tower and Gryffindor tower were no longer present. Now, only the light from the Clock Tower and Great Hall remained.
This was another reason why I decided on this spot for some time to get away from my own thoughts. The only people who could potentially see us were those in the clock tower, which most students avoid going through. There was a chance our spot could be seen from the Gryffindor Tower, but I assume most students would not be looking out towards the groundskeeper's hut in the late hours of the night. This spot was not only preferred due to the beautiful view it provided, but it was also completely out of sight from the Ravenclaw tower.
My older brother, Mason Calloway, and I received our Hogwarts letters at the same time, and the unfortunate timing of Mason's birthday had pushed him back into my year. Though he expressed relief for gaining an extra year to acquire knowledge of the arcane, I couldn't deny the shameful disappointment that washed over me at the thought of living in the shadow of the world's perfect son—even in the magical world.
Our parents were rather excited that both of us had received the opportunity to attend what was known to be one of the most pristine schools in the wizarding world. We had also received opportunities to acquire a decent amount of training before the start of the fall term.
I'll never forget the moment Fig informed us how our mentor had been selected. During a faculty meeting, Headmaster Black had passed the responsibility of mentorship to the one faculty member who hadn't been present for the meeting, as he was tasked with monitoring detention that night, revoking his right to vote on who would best fit the position. Thus, Eleazar Fig had arrived at the Calloway estate the following weekend with a crash course on magical properties, covering the different categories and even going as far as providing us with training wands.
Despite getting an equal amount of training, a major wedge has been put between us when the sorting had placed me into Slytherin, and my brother into Ravenclaw, each of us roaming the corridors as though we were in completely different worlds, building different routines and relationships.
My brother wasn't overly fond of my friendship with Sebastian, even more so when his frequent visits to detention were made aware. Meliorism became the contributing factor to two siblings turning into complete strangers. With each given attempt to try and make amends, fate seemed utterly determined to negate my efforts, with the recent passing of Solomon Sallow and now Professor Fig.
The clock chimed again, signaling the midnight hour. I'm almost surprised Ominis hadn't made a fuss about the two of us being out of the castle so late. I decided it was best not to ask if that was unintentional or not, considering what he and I have both experienced in the past month. "Sounds like our cue to head back to our common room,"
I stood, pushing myself from the ground and dusting any debris my skirt had collected. Ominis did the same, swishing his cloak to shake off the dirt.
My boots crunched against the gravel, skirt billowing with each step. As the two of us trudged along the path, my thoughts lingered. Examinations were approaching, with the House Cup announcement occurring the following night. The time when everyone would return home to their families was nearing, like the last few grains of sand in the hourglass.
"Liliana," Ominis called from behind me, pulling me out of reverie.
"Hmm?" I asked, turning on my heels.
"Do you expect sixth year to be anything like this one?" Even though he tried to hide his emotion toward the question, I caught the pain that ghosted his countenance. My breath hitched as a wave of emotions overcame me, and the multiple terrifying and painful memories resurfaced all at once. I buried them to the depths of my mind as though they never occurred in the first place, but somehow always crept back to the surface. My vision blurred along the edges, forcing me to blink rapidly to force back the tears. "The three of us have faced challenges that no fifth year should expect to encounter. Some of those challenges we faced on our paths, and others we faced together."
Shifting my gaze to the Blake Lake, the faint smile swept across my face, the thought of Natsai and me flying over the lake on Hippogriffs as we race against the Hogwarts Express. "Our challenges make us stronger. The only way to learn from our challenges is to understand the lessons that come along with them."
Ominis had an ear-to-ear grin plastered on his face, as though he knew my answer, but knew I needed to hear it as well. "I expect to face more challenges during our sixth year, but we will have a far easier time if we face them together."
"Couldn't have said it better myself, Lili."
As much as I wanted that to be the truth, part of me knew how deeply our friendship had been tested. Just a few months from now, we'd roam the corridors with different mindsets and perspectives, and one undeniable fact: everything, including ourselves, will be irrevocably changed.