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When it starts, Keeho feels like it’s glowing.
Jiung makes him feel like that. Like a glowing star. Wherever he touches him, his fingertips brushing his skin with a gentle ease, nothing else matters anymore.
It feels so good that makes him tremble.
It’s the gentle words the boy whispers in his ear: the warm “I want you” and the desperate “I need you”. It’s the raspy tone of his mumbles and the pecks he gives him while exploring his body.
Keeho feels like a treasure to be discovered when Jiung kisses him.
He loves him.
It's awful.
Sometimes he can’t resist the urge to run over and hug him. To stop the feeling racing through his chest. The way he feels so full that makes his mind flurry. It’s a lot. He's becoming obsessed.
The warm light from the floor lamp next to Keeho’s bed forms soft shadows on Jiung’s face. The boy stares at him, as if hoping to find the secrets of the universe in his eyes.
“Where did you go?” Jiung asks.
“What?”
“You stopped kissing me” he says, tracing stars on the skin of his arms. “Are you okay with this?”
Keeho doesn't respond. He just looks at him. He puts his arms around his neck and runs his fingers through his short hair.
“I want this,” he says. Jiung doesn’t look back, a shade type of red paints his ears. “Jiung look at me,” and Jiung looks. “I want this.”
Because they are honest with each other now and there are no secrets, he opens his heart. "But I'm scared," he says.
“I want this so bad it terrifies me” he says and,
“I don’t want to ruin this” and,
“I want to be a good person for you” and,
“I want to become a person.”
Jiung smiles and tilts his head. “You’re already one.”
And because he’s trying to be honest with him, he says, “I’m scared, too,”
“I want this to work but I don't know how or what to do with everything I feel” and,
"It's so intense. I want to feel it forever. I want to be the right one," he says, placing Keeho's hand over his chest. He can feel his heart beating fast and steadily in his palm. He’s alive.
The realization fills his heart with tenderness. It’s real; Jiung is alive, and he loves Keeho. And Keeho loves him. And finally, they are together. After so long. After thinking it was impossible.
After all, they linger.
Keeho grins and Jiung already knows he’s going to say a joke.
“No— “
“You want me so bad you’re driving crazy, huh?”
Jiung hides behind his hands while the boy in front of him laughs so loud that can fill the room with the sound of his voice.
“I’m not going to tell you anything else” Jiung whines.
Keeho leans in and plants kisses all over his flushed face, smiling the whole time.
“Never stop doing that” Keeho says against his mouth. “It drives me crazy”
Jiung pushes him and presses the boy’s body against his own. Keeho smiles, a blush now spreading across his face. He still can’t get used to the fact that they’re allowed to be as close to each other as they are right now.
He still can’t get used to the fact that his fingers can freely touch Jiung’s bare skin, kiss his tattoos, and let himself be held by the boy’s fingers wrapped around him. But eventually it will, he tells himself. Eventually, everything will become routine, and they’ll have to find a way to surprise each other day by day. And maybe Jiung will grow tired of him, and he of Jiung. And they’ll have to start over. The vast universe of the future can be overwhelming, but he finds that something has calmed down inside him.
He’s not the only one running that path.
Jiung kisses him, reaffirming the implicit promise between them. "You're not alone," he says with each kiss. "I'm here with you. Together."
"I love you," Keeho says, and he isn't afraid to say it out loud.
Because he knows Jiung will be there to hear it.
And he’ll respond,
“I love you, too,” because that’s what happens when you know you belong to someone.