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The island technically had a volcano but it was also somehow covered in snow on one side and nobody questioned it anymore because after surviving a plague boat and watching a coconut explode for no reason, reality had stopped mattering three days ago.
Pinkie was currently wearing a crab shell as a hat while running in circles screaming “I AM THE QUEEN OF TAX EVASION” at seagulls that seemed personally offended by her existence. Moana sat on a rock trying not to laugh while repairing a fishing net and Jenna was sharpening a spear with the exhausted expression of someone who had accepted this was just her life now.
“You’re encouraging her,” Jenna muttered.
“I’m literally sitting here,” Pinkie said.
“Exactly.”
Pinkie suddenly dove into the sand headfirst. Her legs kicked wildly in the air. “I FOUND A POTATO!” she shouted.
“That’s a rock,” Jenna replied immediately.
Pinkie pulled herself back out holding the rock like it had betrayed her personally. “You LIED to me.”
“I didn’t say anything.”
“Your vibe said potato.”
Moana completely lost it laughing. Jenna tried not to smile and failed so hard Pinkie pointed dramatically at her like she had discovered a new planet.
“THERE. THAT. SHE DID THE FACE.”
“What face?”
“The little tiny smile you do when you’re trying to act cool and mysterious and emotionally unavailable.”
Jenna immediately stopped smiling. “I hate both of you.”
“No you don’t,” Moana said softly.
Jenna looked at her for half a second too long.
Pinkie gasped like somebody had exploded. “OH MY GOSH YOU’RE FLIRTING AGAIN.”
“We are not.”
“You literally looked at her like she invented oxygen and sad girl playlists.”
Moana covered her face laughing while Jenna walked directly into the ocean up to her knees like she was considering letting the sea consume her forever.
Things somehow became even stranger after they found the cave. The cave had glowing moss, weird statues, and a chicken that absolutely should not have been there.
“That chicken knows things,” Pinkie whispered dramatically.
The chicken screamed directly into Jenna’s face.
“I want to eat it,” Jenna said flatly.
“YOU CAN’T EAT HIM.”
“Watch me.”
Moana knelt beside one of the ancient carvings on the wall. It showed boats. Waves. A giant spiral shape painted in black stone. Her smile faded slowly.
“Guys.”
The mood shifted immediately. Jenna walked over first. “What is it?”
Moana touched the carving carefully. “This island wasn’t abandoned.”
Pinkie stopped joking instantly. “What do you mean?”
Another carving sat lower on the wall. People lying down. Others carrying them toward the ocean. Symbols scratched over and over around them.
Moana swallowed hard. “It’s sickness.”
Silence filled the cave. Outside, thunder rolled across the sky even though the weather had been clear an hour ago.
Jenna’s expression changed completely. Serious. Sharp. “You think this happened before.”
Moana nodded slowly. “A long time ago.”
Pinkie looked smaller suddenly, hugging her arms. “The boat…”
Jenna looked toward the cave entrance. “If the virus got out before we escaped…”
Nobody finished the thought.
The silence felt heavy after so many days of jokes and chaos. For the first time since landing on the island, the fear came back. Real fear. Not storms or hunger. The kind that sits in your chest quietly at 2 AM while everybody else is asleep.
Pinkie sat down against the cave wall slowly. “When I was little,” she said quietly, “everybody at school thought I was annoying.”
Jenna blinked. “Pinkie—”
“No, it’s okay.” Pinkie forced a laugh that sounded way too fake. “I just kept talking and talking because if I stopped talking people got quiet around me and when people got quiet they left.”
Moana sat beside her immediately.
Pinkie kept staring at the floor. “One day I threw this huge party because I thought if everybody had fun maybe they’d finally want me around.” She laughed weakly. “Nobody came.”
Jenna’s face softened instantly.
Pinkie shrugged even though her eyes were shiny. “So now I joke all the time because if I’m loud enough maybe people won’t disappear.”
For once nobody made a joke.
Moana gently held Pinkie’s hand. “I would’ve come to your party.”
Pinkie’s lip wobbled immediately. “That is SO cringe but also thank you.”
Jenna sat beside them after a second of hesitation. “I would’ve come too.”
Pinkie stared at her dramatically. “You hate parties.”
“I would’ve suffered through it.”
Pinkie made the saddest little noise ever heard by mankind and immediately threw herself at both of them. “STOP BEING NICE TO ME I’M EMOTIONALLY FRAGILE.”
Moana hugged her tightly anyway. Jenna awkwardly patted her shoulder once before fully hugging her too.
Then Jenna went quiet.
Moana noticed immediately. “What?”
Jenna stared toward the cave entrance where rain poured down outside. “My past was way fucking worse don’t even.” She muttered
A massive crash echoed outside followed by the unmistakable sound of somebody yelling “OW MY BEAUTIFUL MUSCULAR BUTT.”
Jenna blinked. “What.”
Another crash. Then a voice screamed, “WHY ARE THERE SO MANY TREES?!”
Pinkie immediately burst into hysterical laughter through her tears. “THE TIMING IS SO BAD.”
They ran outside just in time to see Maui somehow crash-land an entire canoe upside down into a palm tree while a pig sat on his chest judging every life decision he had ever made.
He pointed dramatically at the pig. “THIS CREATURE HAS VIOLATED ME.”
The pig snorted.
Moana stared in disbelief. “Maui?”
He looked up and grinned immediately. “There’s the tiny human!”
Pinkie was laughing so hard she fell directly into the sand. Jenna pinched the bridge of her nose like she was spiritually exhausted. “Of course this is happening.”
Maui finally untangled himself and froze when he noticed the way Moana instinctively stood close to Jenna and Pinkie. His grin became absolutely unbearable instantly.
“OH. Oh this island got ROMANTIC romantic.”
“Don’t start,” Jenna warned.
“Too late. I sensed yearning.”
Pinkie pointed at him excitedly. “You’re giant and chaotic and emotionally loud. I trust you immediately.”
“Thank you, small screaming person.”
Moana groaned. “This is going to be a nightmare.”
Maui wrapped an arm around all three of them anyway, nearly crushing them together while thunder cracked overhead and the weird cave glowed behind them and the chicken screamed again for absolutely no reason.
Somehow, despite the plague and the fear and the uncertainty waiting beyond the island, they all started laughing at once.
Even Jenna.
the volcano had erupted sometime during breakfast and somehow instead of lava destroying everything it only launched fish into the sky like horrible flaming fireworks. One trout hit Pinkie directly in the forehead.
She pointed at the volcano in complete outrage. “THIS MOUNTAIN HAS BEEF WITH ME.”
Moana was trying very hard to stay focused while rebuilding part of the shelter with palm leaves but she kept laughing every thirty seconds because Pinkie had declared war against geology. Jenna sat nearby carving symbols into driftwood with the intense concentration of somebody pretending not to think about feelings.
“Do you think the volcano is sentient?” Pinkie whispered dramatically.
“No,” Jenna replied.
A second fish flew out of the volcano and slapped Jenna across the face.
Pinkie slowly pointed. “Counterpoint.”
Jenna stared into the distance for a full five seconds like she was reconsidering existence itself. “I’m going to walk into the ocean again.”
“You can’t keep doing that every time weird stuff happens,” Moana laughed.
“Then weird stuff needs to stop happening.”
The chicken from the cave suddenly appeared out of nowhere wearing Jenna’s knife belt somehow. Nobody knew how. Nobody asked.
Pinkie screamed. “HE’S EVOLVING.”
Then the sky turned purple.
Not sunset purple. Evil wizard purple.
Wind exploded through the trees hard enough to nearly knock them over and glowing blue cracks opened in the air itself like reality had downloaded the wrong texture pack. Moana grabbed Jenna’s arm immediately while Pinkie pointed upward with the excitement of somebody moments away from making terrible decisions.
“Oh cool the universe is breaking.”
Something fell out of the glowing crack.
Screaming.
Very loudly.
A man crashed directly into the sand face-first hard enough to leave a body-shaped crater while several crabs immediately climbed onto him like they had been waiting for this moment their entire lives.
Silence.
Then the man lifted his head slowly. Orange hair. Grey eyes. Completely soaked.
“…Where the hell am I?”
Pinkie gasped dramatically. “A ginger.”
Childe sat up coughing seawater while a crab aggressively pinched his sleeve. “Why is the wildlife hostile already.”
Jenna narrowed her eyes immediately. “Who are you?”
The stranger blinked at all three of them like he’d just realized they existed. Then he smiled way too confidently for somebody covered in sand and emotional damage.
“Name’s Childe.” He pointed finger guns at them. “Traveler. Fighter. Extremely handsome international disaster.”
Pinkie immediately pointed back. “OH MY GOSH YOU’RE LIKE MALE RARITY IF HE COMMITTED CRIMES.”
“I don’t know what that means but thank you.”
Moana crossed her arms. “You fell out of the sky.”
“Yes.”
“There was purple lightning.”
“Also yes.”
“The air screamed.”
“That part happens sometimes.”
Jenna stared at him suspiciously. “That is not normal.”
“You’d be surprised.”
The volcano exploded again and launched a squid into a tree.
Childe looked toward it once. “Actually never mind maybe this island is worse.”
Before anybody could respond the chicken ran directly at Childe and stole one of his boots.
“HEY.”
Pinkie fell over laughing instantly while Childe chased the chicken across the beach yelling threats in three different languages. Moana buried her face in her hands trying not to laugh while Jenna sat completely still watching the chaos unfold like her soul was leaving her body in real time.
Then Childe tripped over a coconut and accidentally summoned glowing hydro blades that sliced an entire palm tree in half.
Everybody froze.
The tree slowly tilted.
Then collapsed directly onto the shelter Moana had spent two hours rebuilding.
Silence.
Childe stared at the destruction. “In my defense—”
“No,” Jenna interrupted immediately.
Pinkie was laughing so hard she physically could not breathe. “HE GOT HERE TEN MINUTES AGO.”
Moana sighed so deeply it sounded ancestral.
Childe rubbed the back of his neck sheepishly. “Okay but technically that tree attacked me first.”
“It was standing still.”
“You don’t know its intentions.”
The argument was interrupted by Maui suddenly emerging from the ocean carrying an entire shark under one arm. He stopped walking the moment he saw Childe.
“…Why is there another pretty person on my island.”
Childe blinked. “Why is The Rock talking to me.”
Maui looked offended immediately. “First of all rude.”
Pinkie pointed between them excitedly. “OH THEY HAVE DIVORCED ENERGY.”
“We just met,” Childe said.
“Exactly,” Jenna muttered.
Maui dropped the shark dramatically onto the sand. “Tiny human, your island keeps spawning emotionally damaged weirdos.”
Moana looked exhausted. “I noticed.”
Childe finally seemed to notice the mood shift beneath all the chaos. His smile faded a little as he looked between them carefully. “Wait.”
His voice softened slightly. “You guys are the survivors from the plague ship.”
Nobody answered immediately.
The joking energy disappeared almost instantly.
Childe looked toward the ocean quietly. “I heard about it before… wherever that portal grabbed me from.”
Pinkie hugged her arms a little tighter automatically.
Childe’s expression changed completely for a second. Less cocky. More human. “A lot of people are scared of survivors after stuff like that.”
Jenna looked at him sharply. “You talking from experience?”
For the first time since arriving, Childe hesitated.
Then he laughed softly but there was something tired underneath it. “Back home people are usually scared of me too.”
Silence settled strangely around all of them.
Moana stepped closer first because of course she did. “You don’t have to be alone here.”
Pinkie immediately nodded aggressively. “Yeah! This island already has emotional support trauma.”
Jenna sighed. “That is not a sentence.”
“It is NOW.”
Childe looked genuinely surprised for a second before smiling again, smaller this time. Realer. “You people are weird.”
“Correct,” Jenna replied.
Then the volcano launched another fish directly into Childe’s face.
Pinkie hit the ground laughing before he even reacted.
Childe slowly peeled the fish off his cheek while staring into the distance with dead-eyed acceptance.
“…I understand the ocean walking thing now.”
By day thirty-two the island had become legally classified as “a problem.”
Nobody wrote that classification down anywhere but everybody felt it spiritually. The volcano now erupted exclusively with seafood and emotional timing. Earlier that morning it had launched a salmon directly into Childe’s mouth while he was trying to flirt with danger for fun.
“I hate this stupid mountain,” Childe said while spitting scales into the sand.
The volcano rumbled ominously like it took that personally.
Moana was trying to rebuild the shelter AGAIN because Childe had accidentally sliced the old one in half after “shadowboxing a suspicious pineapple.” Jenna was helping her tie palm leaves together while Pinkie sat nearby making little heart doodles in the sand around all three of their names like a middle school girl possessed by Cupid himself.
“You know,” Pinkie said dramatically, “if we survive this island we’re legally required to become the most annoying couple on earth.”
“Polycule,” Jenna corrected automatically before immediately realizing what she said.
Pinkie froze.
Moana froze.
Childe dropped an entire coconut.
The silence lasted three seconds before Pinkie exploded like a confetti cannon.
“SHE SAID POLYCULE.”
“I hate all of you.”
“No you don’t,” Moana said softly while brushing a strand of hair behind Jenna’s ear.
Jenna instantly forgot how breathing worked.
Childe pointed aggressively from across the beach. “KISS HER. DO IT FOR THE PLOT.”
Maui sat nearby sharpening his hook while nodding like a proud uncle at a soccer game. “Tiny human romance. Beautiful. Nature is healing.”
Pinkie climbed directly into Jenna’s lap without warning like an emotionally unstable cat. “We should have matching necklaces.”
“We don’t even have civilization.”
“We have LOVE.”
“We also have parasites.”
“Love parasites.”
“That’s worse.”
Moana laughed so hard she accidentally fell sideways into Jenna too, which somehow resulted in Jenna getting trapped beneath both of them like the world’s most emotionally constipated weighted blanket.
“This feels targeted,” Jenna muttered.
“It is,” Pinkie replied immediately.
Then the volcano screamed.
Not erupted. Screamed.
Everybody slowly turned toward the mountain just in time to see something launch out of it spinning violently through the air like a cursed Beyblade.
“TUNG TUNG TUNG SAHURRRRRR.”
The figure crash-landed directly into the beach in a massive cloud of sand before rising dramatically from the crater. It was a strange wooden humanoid creature carrying a giant bat like it paid taxes through violence.
Silence.
Pinkie pointed immediately. “New bestie just dropped.”
The creature raised the bat toward the sky. “TUNG TUNG TUNG SAHUR.”
“…What does that mean,” Childe asked.
Maui suddenly gasped.
Everybody looked at him.
“…You understand him?” Moana asked slowly.
Maui looked emotionally overwhelmed. “He says the volcano owes him twenty dollars.”
Dead silence.
“What.”
“Tung Tung says they were business partners in 2007.”
“TUNG.”
Maui nodded solemnly. “He also says Childe has ‘the vibes of a divorced sea cucumber.’”
Pinkie immediately collapsed into the sand laughing. Childe looked deeply offended. “That doesn’t even make SENSE.”
“Tung Tung says your aura is moist.”
“Tell him I’ll fight him.”
“TUNG TUNG.”
“He accepts.”
Before the argument could escalate into seafood-related violence, something floated toward shore in the waves.
A black body bag.
The entire mood shifted instantly.
Even Pinkie stopped smiling.
The waves slowly carried the bag onto the beach while thunder cracked overhead despite the sky being completely clear. Jenna immediately stepped in front of the others automatically because protecting people had basically become her default setting.
“Stay back.”
The zipper on the body bag slowly began to move by itself.
Childe summoned hydro blades instantly. Moana grabbed a spear. Pinkie picked up a coconut because her survival instincts were deeply confusing. Tung Tung raised his bat and screamed “SAHURRRR.”
Maui listened carefully. “He says if this is another ghost we’re charging rent.”
The zipper opened.
A blonde girl suddenly sat upright gasping for air like she’d just been dragged out of a nightmare. Wet hair clung to her face. Mascara streaked down her cheeks.
“…Where am I?” she whispered.
Nobody answered because everybody was too busy processing the fact that the corpse had apparently rage quit being dead.
The girl slowly looked around at all of them. At the volcano. At Tung Tung. At Childe holding glowing water knives like a bisexual anime protagonist.
“…Honestly this feels about right,” she muttered.
Jenna lowered her weapon slightly. “Who are you?”
The girl looked down at the body bag around her legs. “…Laura.”
Thunder cracked dramatically because apparently the weather enjoyed symbolism now.
Pinkie crouched beside her immediately. “Hi Laura! Sorry about the whole dead thing. We’re in a polycule.”
“Pinkie,” Jenna hissed.
“What? She deserves lore.”
Laura stared blankly for a long moment before quietly saying, “…I’ve had worse introductions.”
Moana gently wrapped a blanket around Laura’s shoulders while Maui listened to Tung Tung muttering beside him.
“What’s he saying now?” Childe asked nervously.
Maui’s expression slowly changed. “Uh.”
“What.”
“He says Laura has ‘haunted girl swag.’”
Laura blinked. “…He gets me.”
“TUNG.”
Maui nodded seriously. “He says thank you.”
That night everybody sat around the fire while fish occasionally launched out of the volcano in the background like nature itself had a gambling addiction. Laura quietly drank coconut water while staring into the flames with the energy of somebody who absolutely knew how to curse a bloodline.
Pinkie eventually curled against Jenna’s side while Moana rested against her other shoulder until Jenna was basically trapped between affection again.
“This is emotional kidnapping,” Jenna muttered.
“You’re literally smiling,” Moana whispered.
“I’m grimacing romantically.”
Childe pointed at them dramatically. “Your relationship has become too powerful. I can physically feel the yearning.”
Maui wiped away a fake tear. “Love wins.”
“TUNG TUNG.”
Maui nodded. “Tung Tung says Jenna folds under affection like a lawn chair.”
Pinkie screamed laughing while Jenna buried her face in her hands. “I’m going into the ocean.”
“You can’t keep solving problems with seawater,” Moana laughed.
“Yes I can. I’m multitasking. Drowning AND avoiding vulnerability.”
Laura stared at all of them for a long moment before softly saying, “You people are weirdly happy for plague survivors.”
Pinkie looked over at her gently. “I think if we stop joking we’ll all start screaming.”
Silence settled around the fire for a second.
Then the volcano launched an entire tuna directly into Maui’s chest hard enough to knock him backward into the sand.
“TUNG TUNG TUNG SAHUR!”
Maui sat up immediately. “HE SAYS THE VOLCANO CALLED ME BALD.”
Pinkie hit the ground laughing so hard she snorted. Childe was wheezing. Moana nearly fell into the fire. Jenna actually laughed out loud for once and everybody froze because it was rarer than stable Wi-Fi.