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Hyeongjun's back hit the door with a sharp pang against his protruding scapulas. He felt dizzy and heady. Jiseok, his boyfriend of a year already had him pinned against the wall with his teeth and tongue all over his, kissing him like a starved man. Although, Hyeongjun was actually the starved man, and that's probably the actual reason he felt so dizzy. But between the desire and the feeling of the other man’s hands all over him, he couldn't care at all. Besides, it would be his first time with Jiseok, and Jiseok's first time ever. Hyeongjun had been waiting for him to be ready patiently and politely, even if he was kind of desperate and a pervert himself.
The wet sound of their kissing only got more obscene with Jiseok humping at Hyeongjun's thigh desperately like a dog, earning whines and whimpers from both of them. Suddenly, Hyeongjun’s wrists were forced away from Jiseok’s scalp. His whole hands enveloped all of the thinness of his wrists and further, and put them against the wall as well, at each side of his head.
The shorter boy then pulled away from his lips. The expression on his face was a stark contrast from the fierce action he had just done. He looked at Hyeongjun with round, dampened eyes full of need and urgency. He needed him right now. Hyeongjun felt it with the way he eyes at him so prettily, and in the ridiculous way he was thrusting onto his clothes animalistically.
“Hyeongjunnie…” Jiseok pleaded, still rubbing against him shamelessly.
“Please Hyeongjun… I’m ready. Please let me fuck you. Please, please, please, pl-” He kept going until his words dissolved into a whine while he dropped his head onto Hyeongjun’s shoulder as his humping got more erratic.
“Let’s go to your bed.” Hyeongjun muttered between whimpers and moans.
Jiseok raised his head. All pink and needy, he nodded eagerly and let Hyeongjun’s wrists go. Jiseok’s hands weren’t exactly big, neither was anything about his body really (From what Hyeongjun had seen already) But Hyeongjun was still smaller than him, it just wasn’t obvious because Jiseok was shorter.
They tangled their fingers together and locked the door to Jiseok’s room behind them. Their kissing turned more loving now that the desperation was slowly being replaced by the certainty that they would finally make love. Jiseok smiled against Hyeongjun’s lips while he guided him to the bed.
Jiseok easily pushed Hyeongjun’s light weight to fall on the matress, following him and hovering above him with a wide, adorable smile.
“I love you.” He whispered before leaving one last peck on Hyeongjun’s lips.
“I love you too.”
Hyeongjun smiled back, the weight of his boyfriend above him soothing the coldness that had settled in his bones permanently because of his condition.
Hyeongjun watched while Jiseok took his shirt off, showing him his bare torso. His cheeks flushed and his lips parted while he looked at him. His skin was pale and smooth, and his body was beautiful, softly defined yet plump in the right places. He got distracted watching, and almost forgot that he was going to be naked as well. Jiseok couldn’t know. He couldn’t know Hyeongjun was starving. He couldn’t know how his skin was tight against his bones even if Hyeongjun didn’t see so in the mirror. Couldn’t know about the meals skipped. Couldn’t know about the misery his life would be when Jiseok didn’t see. Couldn’t know that when Hyeongjun said he ate at home, he actually did not.
When he started to worry and spiral, his dark eyes widening with fear, Jiseok’s hands were already pulling up the hem of his hoodie and shirt. Suddenly, the comfort faded and the aching emptiness in his stomach had taken place again, while he watched Jiseok’s pretty features contort in horror.
His round eyes, which had been sparkling with love and desire, suddenly widened and glistened. The wide, expectant smile on his pink lips faded while he looked down to Hyeongjun’s torso.
“Holy shit…” He gasped.
Jiseok’s hands stayed frozen, clutching the fabric of Hyeongjun’s shirt halfway to throwing it onto the floor. He looked like he’d just seen a ghost. His breath hitched and a hurt sound escaped his throat as his eyes traced Hyeongjun's torso. The way his ribs flared out and were stuck to his skin, the hollow dip of his stomach, and the sharp, terrifying points of his hip bones.
“Junnie…” Jiseok’s voice broke, sounding high and breathless. He left the hoodie on the mattress instead of on the floor. His lips trembled while he spoke and looked into his eyes. "Your... your body... It’s just skin and bone. My Hyeongjunnie." He covered his mouth with one hand.
He scrambled backward on the bed.His eyes were wide, darting over Hyeongjun’s frail frame with round eyes filled with terror and worry.
"I didn't know.” Jiseok sobbed. "I thought you were just... slim. But… Junnie… If I put my weight on you, I'll snap you in half. I’m going to hurt you..." He muttered. “I don’t want to hurt you.”
Hyeongjun felt the cold air biting at his exposed skin, but the look on Jiseok’s face hurt worse. All he could hear in Jiseok’s words was rejection instead of worry. He felt ugly and suddenly very, very bitter. He had spent months hiding this, starving himself to be pretty, and now his boyfriend was looking at him like he was anything but pretty. Like he was a monster.
“Don’t look at me like that.” Hyeongjun said shakily yet fiercely. He tried to sit up, but his arms didn’t help. He glared at Jiseok through tear-blurred eyes.”You were just begging for me. You were literally humping my leg two minutes ago, Jiseok!”
“That was before I knew!” Jiseok cried, covering his mouth with his hand, his eyes flickering between Hyeongjun’s angry eyes and the way his chest bones stuck out.
“So what?” Hyeongjun’s voice rose sharply, on the verge of crying as well. “Now that you see me, I’m gross?” He sat on the bed, wrapping his arms around his own torso as if to hide himself. “Don't you want me anymore? You said you were ready. You said you loved me!”
“I am ready and I do love you!”Jiseok wailed.
“But I’m scared, Junnie! I- I don’t want you to die…”
Hyeongjun’s mouth stayed open to protest, but he closed it after no sound came out. He looked away, his lip curling in a mix of shame and anger. “Fine. If you don’t want me, I’ll just put my clothes back on.” He said, reaching for his shirt and hoodie.
Jiseok let out a pitiful sound. Seeing Hyeongjun turn away, looking so small and rejected made something twist painfully inside of him. He wrapped his arms around Hyeongjun’s narrow frame, now covered, pulling him flush against his own warm, soft chest.
“Junnie…” Jiseok sobbed into the crook of Hyeongjun’s neck, his tears soaking into his shoulder. “I do want you. But I want you to be happy and healthy… I want that more than anything else.”
He held him with an unexpectedly gentle grip, his hands splayed across Hyeongjun’s back, the sharp edges of his shoulder blades digging into his palms. It made Jiseok’s stomach sting with panic, but he only held on tighter, trying to shield Hyeongjun from everything he could. Hyeongjun stayed stiff at first, his hands hovering awkwardly, but slowly, the fight drained out of him. He let his forehead drop onto Jiseok’s sturdier shoulder, his eyes closing as he felt the steady, normal thud of his heart.
“You’re so cold.” Jiseok whispered, his voice thick and still slightly shaky. He began to rub his hands up and down Hyeongjun’s arms and back, trying to rub the heat and life into his dried out skin. “You’re freezing, Junnie. Why are you so cold?”
“I’m always cold.” Hyeongjun muttered, his voice sounding small and defeated. He wasn’t angry anymore, just exhausted.
Jiseok pulled back just enough to cup Hyeongjun’s face, his thumbs wiping away the tears on the other boy’s gaunt cheeks. Jiseok’s eyes were pink and puffy, the expression in them so raw and protective it made Hyeongjun want to hide and cry for making Jiseok so distressed.
“I’m not disgusted.” Jiseok said, his voice cracking. “I’m just… I’m terrified for you. Please, let me take care of you. We don’t have to do anything else. I just want to hold you. I want to make sure you’re still here in the morning.”
He pulled the duvet over both of them, covering Hyeongjun with the heavy blankets and his own warmth.