Chapter Text
Shane misses his friend.
He hasn’t been able to see him a lot lately. He hates that. He knows it’s probably due to his new found success with streaming. Ilya went from no one to someone overnight. Going from averaging 10 viewers a night, one of which being Shane himself, to now thousands of people watching him.
But to Shane, Ilya has always been someone.
Now he spends the majority of his days playing some new game for his thousands of viewers. Shane’s happy for him, don’t get him wrong, he just wishes they got to spend more time together. Like they used to.
Shane met Ilya back in grade school, well over 15 years ago now. Ilya had just moved from Moscow to Ottawa that summer because his father accepted a job, but Ilya never told Shane what the job was. Probably didn’t care to learn. Shane wouldn’t blame him. Ilya’s dad had always been “difficult”. That was the word he used. Shane never questioned it. He knew how Ilya felt talking about family issues.
Shane can recall the first time they met as clear as day, even 15 years later.
They were on the playground, maybe 7 years old.
There were three boys, definitely bigger than him, crowded around Shane while he was sat on the bench, reading one of his hockey books. He never cared for recess, he would have preferred just staying inside with his book.
“What is on your face?” one of them spat out.
“What? What do you mean?” Shane replied, glancing up from his book. He had no idea what they were talking about. Did he forget to wipe his face after breakfast this morning?
“The brown stuff all over your face,” the boy said
“Oh! They’re my freckles, my mom says it means I was kissed by the sun.” Shane smiled as he recalled the conversation with his mother.
“You look dirty,” another one of them said.
Shane’s face dropped immediately.
“Yeah, why’s there dirt all over your face?” The third child grabbed Shane’s book from his lap as he spoke. “What even is this?”
“Give that back! And I’m not dirty! My mom says they make me special!” Shane felt small, hopeless.
“Why are you so boring! All you do is sit here and read these stupid hockey books,” the first boy chimed back in.
“I just like it.” Shane’s voice was quieter now, he could feel the tears welling up in his eyes so he glued them to the ground. They didn’t need more ammo..
“Give back.” Shane heard a heavily accented voice he didn’t recognize.
When Shane looked up he saw the blond boy who had just joined his class today. He hadn’t caught his name when he said it aloud for the class earlier, he was too into his book.
He must not be from here, Shane thought.
“What do you care?” one of the bullies snapped back.
The blond boy didn’t respond. He reached for Shane’s book instead. As he did, the boy holding it yanked his arm back so it stayed out of reach.
The accented boy responded by shoving the bully, hard enough he fell to the ground and dropped the book.
Without a word he stepped over the body on the ground and picked up the book, handing it to Shane.
Shane took it and smiled toward him. Behind the blond boy, Shane saw the other two boys helping their friend up. They all seemed to be grumbling under their breath but Shane didn’t pick any of it up. He watched them walk away, grateful that the moment was finally over.
Shane turned his attention back to the boy in front of him, who now had his hand extended toward him.
“Ilya.” The blond said as Shane took the hand, followed by a rather aggressive handshake.
“Shane,” Shane nodded once. “And thank you. I could’ve handled it myself.”
Ilya shook his head. “Should not have to,” He dropped Shane's hand and added, quieter, “I like freckles. Pretty. Do not let idiots make you feel bad.”
Pretty.
Shane felt his stomach turn, unsure why. “Thank you. I don’t feel bad, my mom says they make me-.”
“Special. I heard, is true,” Ilya cut him off to say..
Shane smiled at him and sat back down on the bench.
He gestured to the empty space next to him, lost for words. Luckily, Ilya took the hint and sat next to him.
“You talk funny, are you from somewhere far away?” Shane asked
“Russia. Papa got big job. We move here,” Ilya replied.
“Can you say something in Russian?” Shane hadn't thought he’d heard Russian before.
“Like what?” Ilya asked.
“Ummmm” Shane looked around like he’d find something around him. “Hold on, let me think.”
The idea hit Shane when he looked down at the book in his lap. He flung it open and searched for something cool to make his new friend say. He slammed the book shut, his little mind supplying something better.
“Great moments are born from great opportunity,” Shane said, locking eyes with the blond boy next to him.
“Herb Brooks. American hockey coach for the Olympics in 1980. They got gold that year. Super famous speech.”
Ilya nodded and took a long moment trying to translate.
“Великие моменты рождаются из великих возможностей” Ilya said finally, the words flowing seamlessly out of his mouth, unlike his broken English.
Shane stared wide eyed. “Awesome.”
-
From that day forward, they were inseparable.
Well, they used to be that way. Before Ilya’s new found fame.
The fact that Shane was two hours away in Montreal for college definitely didn't help either.
So, they came to a compromise.
There were few games Shane enjoyed like Ilya did, and Minecraft was one of them. They decided to make sure to find time to play together everyday. They created a world together, which by now was filled with builds they’d done, animals they named. It was theirs. One of the only things Shane got to have with Ilya that was only theirs.
That’s how Shane got in this situation. Cooped up in his apartment on a friday evening staring at his discord, waiting for Ilya to join the call. Instead of hanging out with his roommate, Hayden, or studying for his upcoming exam. He was here, sitting— waiting.
They agreed on 6pm. It was 6:45 and Shane was beginning to lose hope. He sighed and picked up his phone, navigating to Ilya’s twitch channel. He stared at the livestream that was still going.
Twenty-five thousand viewers.
Jesus christ, the last time Shane checked there were only 10k people watching. That was at 6, right after he sat in front of his PC. It makes sense Ilya was still live, that was a lot of people. Shane sucked his bottom lip between his teeth and clicked on the live.
“FUCK YOU MARLEAU!” was the first thing he heard upon joining.
Ilya was playing some shooting game called ‘CSGO’ that Shane knew nothing about. The most he knew was that Ilya always got very angry when he played, especially when he played with Cliff Marleau. Cliff was another relatively popular streamer that Ilya met online.
Shane noticed that Ilya always got more viewers when he streamed with Cliff. He guessed that people found it entertaining when they yelled at each other, because truthfully, that was all that happened when they played together. Shane didn’t get it. He didn’t have to. Ilya was successful, and that's all that mattered.
“OH FUCK! What time is it?” Ilya said, making Shane glance up at his face cam in the corner of the screen.
Ilya had a panicked look on his face.
“Uhhhh, 6:50? Why Roz? You got a hot date?” Cliff voice chimes in.
“Maybe 50 minutes ago I did.”
Shane feels his face fill with heat at the implication.
Hot date. Shane scoffs to himself in his empty room.
As if…
“Alright Marly, hate to cut this short, but I have more important things to attend to.” Ilya’s voice sounds rushed and like he’s trying to hide the panic. He’s probably doing a good job, to anyone who isn’t Shane.
Ilya is the only person Shane’s ever been able to read. He’s unsure why the ability doesn’t carry with anyone else. He’s equally grateful that he’s developed it for Ilya. Shane thinks Ilya might be the only one he wants- no needs, to be able to read.
After a few minutes of Ilya saying his goodbyes to his chat, which is filled with interest of his apparent hot date, Ilya’s live stream ends.
Shane closes the app and sets his phone down on his desk. He hears Ilya join the call in his headphones.
“Shanya, I am so sorry.” Ilya’s voice is dripping with guilt.
“It’s okay, I caught the last few minutes of your stream-“
Shane’s sentence is cut off abruptly.
“Did you?” Ilya’s voice is lower than before, accent heavier.
“Well yeah, I did, I had to see what I was being stood up for-“ Ilya cuts him off once again.
“I was not standing my Shanya up! I would never! I lost track of time, my viewership-“ This time it’s Shane’s turn to cut Ilya off.
“Twenty-five thousand. I saw.” Shane makes an attempt at keeping his voice neutral but he knows it doesn’t work. Ilya can read him just as well.
“Is a lot of people, yes, but they are not you.” Ilya pauses to turn his camera on. Shane makes one sided eye contact with him and stares for a beat too long.
“Shanya, I miss your face, let me see you.” Ilya pleads half-heartedly.
Shane sighs, loud and dramatic, purely to make a point, and turns his camera on. He eyes himself in the corner of his screen. His hair is slightly out of place so he quickly runs a hand through it.
“There you are, кролик.” Ilya has a small smile on his face as he speaks.
“What does that even mean? Are you bullying me in Russian right after making me wait” Shane peeks at the clock in the corner of the screen, “fifty-eight minutes?”
Ilya looks genuinely offended at the implication.
“You think I would bully you?”
“I mean yeah... you always say I’m boring. That’s pretty much bullying.” Shane scratches the back of his neck in hopes that he’s not coming off too serious. He never knows how anything he says will land. Somehow it’s a guessing game in every conversation.
“No no, Shanya boring is good. Nothing else in my life is boring. I need your boring.” Ilya pauses and looks down at his lap. “Would probably not know what to do without it.”
Shane rolls his eyes at that. “Oh, whatever. Are we playing or not?”
Ilya enthusiastically nods making Shane chuckle softly.
Shane clicks on their video call and drags the tab to his other monitor. Ilya insists on them being able to see each other when they play.
‘Is like we’re really together’ Shane remembers him saying the first time they played. The memory makes him smile fondly.
Shane has had the game up and running since 5:45. He just likes being prepared. He wasn’t eager.
He clicks into the game and scrolls to the world titled
‘HOLLANOV4EVER’
“What!?! It’s our names together. Don’t be weird, Shanya.”
That’s what Ilya said when he had named the world, a little over year ago now. Shane didn’t understand why he said not to be weird. He only asked what it meant. Why would their names together be weird? It is their world.
Once the world is loaded up Shane turns his attention to the monitor where Ilya’s face sits. His golden curls are splayed across his forehead, his brows furrowed in concentration. His attention is on getting the game open, Shane guesses.
Shane, for some reason, takes that time to just watch him. The way his tongue is suck between tight lips, like it always is when he’s focused. The way his eyes dart around, the way his arms move as he navigates through his computer.
Ilya’s eyes flick over like they always do when he’s looking over at the monitor Shane is on. Shane tries to attempt to make it not seem like he was just…. staring.
“Is okei, Shanya, I know there’s not much to look at while you wait for game to load.” Ilya ends the sentence with a light chuckle.
“God, shut up and get in the world.” Just as Shane says that, he sees Ilyas character pop on screen.
“Finally,” Shane mutters, turning his attention back to the game.
“Okay, so we’re supposed to be trying to get the elytra today,” Shane says, already clicking to fast travel to their end portal. Ilya does the same, popping up right after shane teleports.
“Yes Master Shanya,” Ilya says with obvious amusement in his voice.
“Stop calling me that,” Shane snaps back, whipping his head to Ilya's face.
Ilya is already looking back at him.
“Whatever you say, Master Shanya.”
Before Shane realizes, two hours have passed and they finally have the elytra. After spending three of their gaming sessions trying.
Shane sighs and sits back against his chair, knowing his time with Ilya is coming to an end. They both close out the game and return their attention to the video call.
“I wish you were here Shane. Why did you have to move so far away?” Ilya has a ridiculous pout on his face.
“Don’t look at me like that, you know it’s for school. I couldn’t turn down-“ Shane tries to defend before being cut off once again.
“Full ride hockey scholarship. Yes I know. You know I’m happy for you…” Ilya trails off looking away from the screen around his room. “I just miss you,” he says in a soft voice.
“I miss you too Ilyusha,” Shane rarely uses the Russian nickname with Ilya, but he knows how much he loves when he does. It’s evident that, that’s still true when a huge grin breaks across Ilya’s face upon hearing it.
“Just come here, it’s the weekend, you could stay here,” Ilya pleads.
“Ilya you live in a studio apartment. How would that work?”
Ilya shrugs. “Sleep in my bed, we did it every sleepover growing up… What is so different now?”
“I’ll think about it,” Shane replies, trying not to think too much about the previous times they’ve slept in the same bed.
A loud chime rings through the call from Ilya’s side.
“Shit I told Marly I’d hop back on CSGO with him after we were done.” Ilya explains as his attention moves back to his monitor.
“Okay. Have fun. Goodnight Ilya,” Shane says trying to hide his disappointment at not having more time with him.
“Please think about coming to see me Shanya. Goodnight,” Ilya says.
Before Shane can respond, the call ends.
Shane let’s out a long breath he didn’t know he was holding. He slumps in his chair and picks up his phone.
9:05pm.
‘Please think about coming to see me Shanya’
The words ring through Shane's mind on repeat. It’s all he’s thought about for weeks. He knows how nice it would be to finally see each other after months of getting by just playing together.
Realistically, if he left right now he would get there before it’s too late. He could even go see his parents tomorrow, god knows his moms been begging him to.
‘we see Ilya more than we see our own son’
That’s what his mother said last time they spoke. Which, when Shane thinks about it, isn’t that crazy. They live 20 minutes from each other and Ilya has been going to “puzzle Sunday” with Shane’s father since they were 12. It started after Ilya lost his mom. Ilya’s father seemed to be annoyed with his presence from the day it happened. Shane’s parents had always been a safe space for Ilya. Shane loved that he could provide that for him. Shane would provide whatever he could to support Ilya.
Shane shook the thought away and stood from his chair. He’s already decided. He’s going. He never does anything spontaneously. He could give himself this one thing. This one time.
He picks up his duffle bag from the ground and empties it of the clean gym clothes he always kept in there. He crosses his room to his closet, grabbing enough clothes for the weekend. He puts them in the bag and begins to zip it up when his eyes land on the stuffed frog on his bed.
They were 15 when Ilya won that frog for him.
He had the worst week of his life, two losses right after he made the varsity hockey team. His girlfriend, Liz maybe, he doesn’t remember, had just broken up with him that day. He couldn’t blame her, he wasn’t a good boyfriend. He barely wanted to even kiss her, and she was set on losing her virginity before junior year. When Shane said he wasn’t ready, she ended things. Not unkindly, but he can recall her saying,
“I don’t think you really like me.”
The truth was, he didn’t. He didn’t understand why at the time.
A few years (and another girlfriend) later it finally clicked, and he knew it was because he didn’t feel the same way kissing girls that he did when he saw his teammates shirtless in the locker room.
He had come home from school that Friday and went directly to his room, ignoring his parents greetings completely. Something he never did.
He shuts his door behind him harshly, regretting it immediately when he heard it slam. He sulks over to his bed and just let himself collapse there.
There were tears welling in his eyes when he feels his phone buzzing in his pocket. He groans and fishes in his pocket for it.
Ilyusha :)
Your mother tells me you didn’t even say hi to her. this is very unlike mr.polite guy shane.
Shane rolls his eyes and slams his phone down next to his head, just for it to vibrate in his hand again.
Ilyusha:)
what is wrong shanya.
Shane sighs and sits up in his bed.
shane
nothing. i’m fine.
The response comes immediately
Ilyusha :)
you cannot lie to me. you know this
Before Shane can type his response, his phone is ringing.
INCOMING CALL FROM: Ilyusha:)
There’s no point in not answering. Shane knows he’d keep calling, or just show up on his doorstep. He accepts the call.
“It is okay if you don’t want to talk about it. That’s not why I called.” Ilya says the second the phone is pressed against Shane’s ear.
“Okay, so why did you call then?” Shane asks trying to make the irritation leave his voice, there was no reason to direct it toward him. It wasn’t for Ilya anyway. It never was.
“Come to the fair with me today.” Ilya says, nothing in his voice making it sound like a question. Shane thought it felt more like a command. There was something in Shane that could never say no to Ilya.
But instead of saying yes he said,
“I thought you were going with Jen?”
Shane hears Ilya sigh at that.
“Maybe I was, but then my Shanya’s mother texts me saying he didn’t even say hi…” Ilya pauses for a moment. “You should always say hi to her, Shane. You are lucky to have her.”
Hearing Ilya say that makes Shane’s stomach turn. He immediately knew why he said it. It had only been three years since Ilya found Irina. Shane knew he was lucky to have his parents. He knew Ilya was right.
“I know. I’ve just had a hard day..” Silence stretches on the line. Shane knows Ilya is waiting patiently for the explanation. “Liz broke up with me.” There’s a sigh on the other end of the line.
“Shanya, you didn’t even like her.” Ilya says, voice gentle.
“How do you know that?” Shane snaps back, voice slightly raised.
“I know you.” Ilya replies voice even.
“Whatever.” Shane grumbles.
“Get ready. We are going to fair. We both know you won’t want to wear school clothes out. I’ll be there in 15 minutes.”
Before Shane can say no, the call cuts. He groans and gets out of his bed. His body moves before his brain can catch up. Suddenly he’s dressed and sitting on the edge of his bed and Ilya is opening his door.
“Good, you listened. Let’s go.” Ilya smiles at Shane and turns to leave. Shane follows, because he always does.
They pull up to the entrance of the fair about 20 minutes later.
“Thank you again for ride, Mr. Hollander.” Ilya says as he leans forward to place his hand on Shane’s dad’s shoulder.
“Ilya. You’ve been the thorn in my side for 8 years now. Call me David.” The smile on David’s face is warm and genuine.
Ilya nods once and steps out of the car.
“Things will get better. You’re still young Shane, no one expects you to have it all figured out.” David’s eyes lock with Shane’s in the rear veiw mirror. He sends a wink Shane’s way.
“Thank you Dad. Love you. We’ll text when we’re ready to be picked up.” Shane responds with a weak smile.
“Tell mom I’m sorry” he adds.
“Tell her yourself when you get home.” David says.
Shane nods and turns to open his door when he realizes Ilya is already there pulling it open.
“Why are you making me pretend to be gentleman? Come on! let’s go.” Ilya gestures impatiently at Shane.
“We all know it isn’t an act Ilya.” David says as Shane steps out and Ilya shuts the door behind him.
They walk side by side, shoulders brushing, as Ilya directs them towards some food stand immediately.
A shared funnel cake and lemonade later, Ilya is pulling Shane in the direction of the game booths.
Ilya seems to settle on one where you throw darts at balloons. He pays the man working the booth and is handed 5 darts. He glaces toward Shane.
“What prize do you want?” Ilya asks, eyes locked on Shane.
The question catches Shane off guard. Every year before they've come before, Ilya has made it a competition.
“What?” Shane asks, meeting his gaze.
“I must win prize for my sad Shanya so he won’t be sad anymore and will have fun with me at fair. Choose!” Ilya gestures up at the many stuffed animals sitting behind the worker.
Shane rolls his eyes but drags his eyes over the collection of prizes. His attention is caught by a stuffed frog.
“I dont know, the frog I guess.” Shane shrugs then shakes his head in frustration . “I’m fine, you don’t need-“
“How many balloons for frog?” Ilya asks the worker, completely ignoring Shane’s denial.
“Gotta land all five, big guy.” The worker says back like he’s sure Ilya won’t be able to.
Sure enough, every one lands perfectly and they’re walking off, Shane with the frog in his hands, Ilya wearing a shit-eating grin.
They walk in silence for a bit, semi-aimlessly.
If Shane was honest with himself, it worked, he felt better. But it wasn’t the frog, it was Ilya. It was always Ilya who managed to make him feel better. Shane smiled to himself and knocked his shoulder into Ilya’s.
Ilya laughed and grabbed Shane’s arm, once again pulling him somewhere.
“Ferris wheel! C’mon Shanya, the line isn’t long.” Ilya says, glancing back at Shane as he pulls him along. Shane lets himself be pulled.
After a short wait in line, they’re stepping onto the next empty gondola. Shane enters first, sitting down, frog in hand. Ilya sits next to him, part of Shane questions why he wouldn’t just sit on the other side, even the weight out. That makes the most sense. He doesn’t say anything.
They ride in silence for a bit, just sat next to each other, taking the view in.
The lights and people looked so much better when they weren’t directly in Shane’s face. The ferris wheel was always Shane’s favorite thing to do at the fair. It was peaceful, gave him room to think, to breathe. Shane thinks- no, knows, that Ilya knows that.
Their cart stops at the top and Shane lets out a breath.
“There he is.” Ilya says.
Shane’s brows furrow. “What?”
“You can breathe again yes?” Ilya asks nodding towards Shane’s chest.
“Yeah…” Shane sighs and locks eyes with Ilya, not something he liked to do often. “How do you always do that?” Shane asks.
“Eh,” Ilya shrugs looking back towards the skyline where the sun is setting, creating a crazy combination of pink and orange. “I have known you long time. Is not crazy that I know what you need sometimes.”
Shane can’t bring himself to look away from Ilya just yet. Not when he looked golden under the setting sunlight.
“Thank you.” Shane says, finally joining Ilya in enjoying the sunset.
“Whatever you need Shanya.” Ilya says.
He places his hand on Shane’s arm and continues,
“Always.”
Shane picks the frog up and stuffs it in the bag.
He grabs his keys and phone and shuts his bedroom door behind him. He beelines for the front door in an attempt to avoid the conversation he knows is coming.
“HOLLANDER! Are you sneaking out of the house at 9pm on a Friday night?” His roommate Hayden’s voice cut through the house from the living room, just as Shane made it to the front door.
Shane spins around and is met with Hayden and his long-term girlfriend, Jackie, sprawled out on top of each other on the couch.
“i’m not sneaking out Hayden. It’s just called leaving when you’re a grownup.” Shane fires back.
“Feisty, Shaney.” Jackie says. She gasps suddenly and shoots upright from where she was attached to Hayden. “Is Shaney finally getting laid?” She practically yells out.
The words make Shane’s stomach turn. He, once again, is regretting telling them he was still a virgin at 22 years old.
“No, why was that your first thought?” Shane asks, irritation bubbling in his chest.
“Shane, it’s Friday… at 9pm. She’s not crazy to assume you’d do what normal people our age do.” Hayden says. “Actually, maybe she is, we all know you’re not normal.”
Shane shrugs, “I’m just going to see Ilya, nothing like that.”
Jackie’s face shifts, like recognition of some kind.
“He finally has time for you, and it’s at 9pm on a random Friday?” She says.
“He doesn’t know i’m coming,” Shane starts. “And don’t make it seem like he’s some bad guy just because he’s busier these days. I’m busy too.” Shane can’t help but defend Ilya. He hasn’t done anything wrong. They were just growing up, things were bound to change.
“Okay Shaney, whatever you say. Drive safe, let us know when you make it.” Jackie says and lays back down over Hayden.
Shane nods and finally makes it out the door.
As he sits in his drivers seat, he starts to doubt the whole thing.
It would be so weird to just show up at his place.
He thinks to himself. The thought is quickly replaced with another one.
Please think about coming to see me, Shanya.
Ilya wants him there. He said it himself. Shane couldn’t let his worries talk him out of seeing his bestfriend.
He shoves his keys into the ignition and pulls out.
About a half hour into the drive Shane realizes he’s just been sitting in silence this whole time. At a stop light, he picks his phone up and opens spotify. At the top of his recently listened to is the playlist he listens to the most.
HOLLANOV4EVER
Ilya had the idea to make a collaborative playlist together for roadtrips, since there was about 120 miles separating them now. Shane ended up listening to it way more often than he’d like to admit. It just made him feel close to Ilya.
Shane pressed play and set his phone back down as the light turned green. He recognizes the song immediately, it’s one of Ilyas.
“Blue lines- Massive Attack.”
Was illuminated on the screen in his car. He settles in his seat, feeling looser immediately as the lyrics ring through the car.
Can’t be with the one you loved so you loved the one you’re with
Spliff in the ashtray, wish tropical to little touch tickles
Especially when she’s gentle
But I don’t hear the words ‘cause i slide to instrumental
Keep the girl at a distance, her moves are very hazy
No sunshine in my life, the way i deal is shady
Before he knows it, he’s pulling into Ilya’s apartment complex. He parks in an unmarked spot and shuts his car off. His chest feels tight. His hands are shaking.
It’s suddenly all too real. He really spontaneously drove two hours here….
He picks up his phone.
11:25pm.
Not bad truthfully, Shane knows Ilya would be up into the wee hours of the night playing with Cliff anyway. He tries his hardest to remind himself that he’s not intruding. That Ilya will be happy to see him.
But… what if he’s not?
Shane shakes his head, he isn’t doing that. Ilya will be happy to see him. Shane knows it.
He shuts his car off and reaches into the back for his bag before getting out.
As he reaches Ilyas door, he debates knocking, but settles on using the key Ilya gave him when he moved in here.
Why else would he give me a key?
Shane thinks to himself as he unlocks the door and steps in. Ilyas apartment is small, a studio, it opens to the kitchen and bathroom. Ilya put up a divider between the kitchen and where his desk and bed are.
‘So it feels like I have real rooms,’
Ilya said the first time Shane came over.
Shane closes the door behind him and toes off his shoes. He sets his bag on the two person dining table in the kitchen. His hands are shaking as he pulls back the divider.
Ilya doesn’t react at all, headphones on fullblast. Shane can hear Cliffs voices yelling from where he is.
Shane steps toward him and gently places his hand on Ilya's shoulder. Ilya immediately jumps to his feet, ripping his headphones off and whipping around. He has his fist raised as if to fend off whatever intruder is in his home.
“Holy shit.” Is all Ilya says as his fist drops to his side. He’s seemingly frozen, just staring at Shane.
“Sorry, I should’ve told you I was coming.” Shane’s eyes drop to the floor. He feels so silly right now. Why wouldn’t he tell him?
“My Shanya! You’re here!” Ilya closes the distance between them quickly by pulling Shane into a very tight hug.
“боже мой! Surpise much better. No need to tell me!” Ilya always seemed to struggle a bit more with English when he was excited, so Shane takes that as a good sign.
Ilya lifts Shane off the ground and spins him around. Halfway through the spin, Shane notices Ilya is still on call with Cliff… and he just saw that. His eyes are locked on the computer as Ilya sets him back down.
“Did Cliff Marleau just watch you spin me around like i’m a girl?” Shane asks pointing in the computers direction.
“YES HE DID.” Shane hears come from the headphones still on the ground.
Ilya shrugs and bends down to pick up his headphones. He puts them back on and sits at his desk.
“Okay Marly! I hate to do this to you twice in one day, but my Shanya has just made treacherous journey to me in middle of night. So, I must give him my full undivided attention.” Ilya says into his mic, already closing out of the game they were playing.
“It was only two hours, and it’s only 11:30.” Shane defends.
“So ‘Your Shanya’ turns out to be the hot date after all huh rozy?” Marleau says into Ilyas ear, quiet enough that Shane doesn’t pick it up.
“Shut your idiot face Marleau!” Ilya glances back at Shane hoping he wasn’t visibly blushing. “Goodnight.”
Ilya ends the call and pulls off his headphones setting them on his desk. He spins around in his chair to face Shane, who's now sitting on the end of his bed just smiling at him.
god, how did Ilya get so lucky to find a friend like Shane?
The words flow through Ilya’s head for the thousandth time. He stares at Shane for a beat and his face split into a huge grin.
“Sorry I didn’t tell you.” Shane says again, breaking eye contact first, like he always does.
“No, you know I love surpise. And this is best surpise” Ilya couldn’t bear it if Shane had any doubt in his mind that Ilya isn’t over the fucking moon right now.
“Best surprise is a stretch. I’m sure there are much better surprises.” Shane glaces around the room.
“Like a new car is best surprise, not me.”
Ilya shakes his head harshly. “No Shanya, you are best surprise.” He uses his left hand to draw an X over his heart. “Cross heart, hope for death.”
Shane huffs out a laugh. “It’s cross my heart, hope to die.”
“Same difference. Lie means death.” Ilya shrugs “I do not lie.”
A beat of silence lays heavy between them as Shane watches the floor and Ilya watches him.
“I don’t know why I came. I never do stuff like this.” Shane locks eyes with Ilya but only for a moment before his gaze drops back to the floor.
“Stuff like what? Visit your hot, famous bestfriend?”
Ilya scoots his chair closer to Shane.
“You know what I mean, I’m not..” Shane pulls his hand to his face and chews on the skin next to his nail trying to find the words.
Ilya gives him time to find them.
“I’m not spontaneous. I lose my mind without a plan.” Shane drops his hand back to his lap. “But you know that.”
Ilya nods and inches closer. “I do.”
He throws his hands up and stands from the chair abruptly.
“I know you are probably tired, but I do not care.” Ilya says followed by a dramatic shrug.
He spins around and picks up his cigarettes as well as the freshly rolled joint sitting on his desk.
“Come, let’s walk. I need a cigarette and I’m going to force you to hit this” He waves the joint in Shane’s face and is met with immediate disapproval.
“No Ilya, I can’t, the team-“ Shane starts.
“Drug tests. Yes, I know.” Ilya finishes. He bends down in front of Shane so they are eye to eye.
“Shanya, it is not hockey season.” Ilya says inches away from Shane’s face, forcing Shane to look him in the eye.
“I don’t want to risk messing up my performance Ilya,” Shane explains, holding Ilya’s gaze.
“Getting high with your bestfriend once a year will not mess up being best hockey player ever Shane.” Ilya straightens back up and takes a half step toward Shane.
Shane’s gaze drops back to the ground while he runs through how he can get out of this. Deep down, he knows he can’t. They barely see each other, what kind of friend would he be if-
“Look at me Shane.” Ilya says, from where he stands about a foot from Shane.
Shane does what he’s told, of course he does. When he looks up at Ilya he finds a pout on his face. A laugh leaves him without his permission. He just nods up at him.
Ilya sucks in a breath at Shane’s big brown eyes staring up at him.
He feels completely normal right now.
When Ilya realizes he’s just… staring, he steps back and forces his face into neutrality.
“Okay let’s go. We can go to the complex’s park. is late, surely there will be no children.” Ilya walks over to the front door and slips his feet into the slides on the entryway.
Shane is trailing close behind and pulling on his own shoes, that he just took off. They file out the door and Ilya locks it behind them.
The park is a very short walk away, they’re sat on the swings beside eachother in minutes. Ilya pulls a lighter from his pocket and looks over at Shane as he places the joint between his lips. As he brings the fire to it, he wiggles his brows at Shane earning a laugh.
Music to his ears.
Ilya found out shortly after he made Shane laugh for the first time that he’d do almost anything to hear that as much as possible.
He takes a couple quick puffs and holds it out to Shane. Theres hesitation but he takes it. He wiggles his eyebrows back at Ilya as he pulls smoke into his mouth. On the exhale, a cough rips out of him, making Ilya burst out giggling.
“Baby lungs always.” Ilya takes the joint from Shane with joy in his words.
“Well yeah, that’s what happens when you aren’t a pothead.” Shane shoots back.
“You say this like it is..” Ilya looks up at the stars, struggling to find the right work in English.
“Fuck um, уничижительный.. you know the word i’m thinking of.” His attention turns back to Shane for the answer.
“Derogatory. But you were probably thinking slur.” Shane supplied immediately.
“DA! Yes! Slur.” Ilya takes another drag and passes it to Shane. “Is just weed Shane. Being pothead is not worse case scenario.”
Shane just nods back as he tries to hold in his cough.
“I’m glad you’re here Shanya.” Ilya says as he takes the joint from Shane. He brushes his fingers against Shane’s hand, happy to have any point of contact after so long.
“So am I...” Shane leans back and looks at the stars above them.
“How do you feel?” Ilyas eyes are locked on Shane, watching as his eyes dance around the sky.
“High.” Shane breathes out. “Happy.”
Ilya smiles softly to himself. “Good. You deserve to feel good.”
That makes Shane look away from the sky and back toward his friend.
“Huh?” He questions.
“You’ve had long year, big season, scouts, studying, exams. You deserve to relax, to feel happy,” Ilya extends his hand with the joint in it again. “And high.”
Shane laughs and takes it from him. He truthfully loved how he felt when he smoked with Ilya. It was very rare but it was always the times Shane felt the most peace.
“You too, Mr. Famous.” Shane takes a pull and hands it back. “Twenty-five thousand today, impressive.”
Ilya shrugs at the mention of his ‘success’.
“I sit in room playing video games all day, you cannot compare the two.”
Ilya didn’t quite know how he felt about the traction he was gaining recently. He should feel impressive, but he just felt... lonely. Achieving things with no one to share it with just felt... unfulfilling.
“Your accomplishments may be different from mine, Ilyusha, but that does not make them worth any less.”
Shane made sure to keep his eyes on Ilyas while he spoke, he needed him to know he was serious.
The nickname sends a shiver down Ilya’s spine.
He looks down at the joint in his hand that has now gone out. And with almost perfect timing Shane yawns.
“Okei,” Ilya stands from the swing and extends his hand to Shane. “Let’s go get you to bed.”
Shane looks up at him with narrow bloodshot eyes.
“I hope this bed is as comfy as the one you had in your first apartment.” Shane slurs out, followed by a giggle.
Ilya got his first apartment at 17, his father paid for it to be furnished and paid his bills. Ilya knew it was because he was tired of seeing Irina's face in Ilya’s everyday. Shane just thought he was being kind. Ilya didn’t feel the need to correct him.
Shane dramatically slaps his hand into the one Ilya held out and uses it to haul himself to his feet.
For just a second they were inches apart, Ilya took advantage of the close proximity and studied Shane’s face for a beat. His freckles that were splayed across his very pink cheeks seemed more intense than usual, like he’d been spending time in the sun. His eyes were half-lidded, and quite bloodshot, making the deep brown of his irises brighter. Looking at him this close makes Ilya rapidly more and more aware of the hand still in his.
A loud chuckle pulls him out of his thoughts. He drops Shane’s hand.
“Why are you just staring at me? Do I have something on my face?” Shane says around small giggles that seem to be escaping him.
“No кролик,” Ilya affirms. “Let’s go, I’m ready for bed”
Ilya waits for Shane before he moves. He gets a half nod from Shane and watches him start in the direction of Ilya’s apartment. After a beat he begins to trail behind him.
Shane makes it to the door first and grabs the door handle and jiggles it a few times.
“Locked.” He whispers but Ilya picks it up.
“Yes, is locked. I locked door, you watched me lock door Shanya. Move, let me open.” Ilya taps Shane’s side from behind him, making him clumsily step out of the way.
Once the door opens, Shane is pushing past Ilya, stepping inside first. His shoes come off automatically, as if it’s muscle memory at this point. Ilya follows him inside and locks the door.
“Ilyusha, I’m thirstyyyyy.” Shane whines out into the room before he lands like a starfish in the middle of Ilya’s bed.
Ilya figured out a long time ago how… needy Shane got when they smoked together. He loved it, he savored it everytime. Shane never let himself need anything, especially not from Ilya. So when this happened, once in a blue mood, Ilya reveled getting to take care of him.
“Ginger ale?” Ilya asked already making his way to the fridge.
“Of course- wait.” Shane shot up in the bed. “You don’t even like those, why do you have them?”
When Ilya turned around after grabbing their drinks, he’s met with determined furrowed brows.
“Hopeful,” is all Ilya says back. He shrugs like it’s not a big deal. He always kept the things Shane liked at his place. It started at his last apartment, the habit never went away.
Ilya sits at the end of the bed, next to Shane’s feet. He pops it open and holds out the cold can of Canada Dry to Shane. He patiently waits for Shane to take it.
“Hopeful?” Shane says after his first sip.
“I am always hopeful to get Shanya time” Ilya taps Shane’s foot lightly. “Scooch” He says as he stands.
Shane climbs under the covers with his soda. He looks up at Ilya hovering next to bed and pats the empty space next to him with a goofy grin on his face.
Ilya leans over slightly and flips the light off. He sets his drink on the end table and climbs in next to Shane.
The second he’s in the bed, Shane puts his head on Ilyas shoulder.
“I missed you so much Ilyusha.” Shane mumbles into the darkness. The room fills with sounds of him slurping his drink right after.
Ilya forgot how it felt to hear that name from anyone, let alone Shane. As dramatic as it sounds, it sent a chill down his spine every time without fail. He missed being able to hear the love dripping from Shane’s voice when he spoke to him. Sure they called all the time but nothing really could compare to this. A completely relaxed Shane, an unapologetically affectionate Shane, making sure Ilya knew that he was needed, loved.
If he’s being honest, it hit like crack.
“I missed you too, my Shanya.” Ilya rested his head atop Shane's and let out a breath he didn’t even know he was holding.
“There he is.” Shane said in a small voice.
“What?” Ilya looked down at him, though all he saw was Shane’s hair from that angle.
Shane met his gaze with a warm grin. “You can breathe again. I heard it.” He nods at Ilya, sure of himself. “It’s okay, me too” He looks back down and takes a swig of his soda. He pushes the can into Ilya’s hand and lays down, back to Ilya.
Ilya just sits there, eyes darting between the can and his bestfriend. Shane was right, he feels better than he has in a long time.
“Lay down, I don’t want to be awake early by myself” Shane says not looking back.
So Ilya lays down, back to Shane's. He’s laying there for a good while trying to get himself to fall asleep. Shane’s asleep, Ilya heard his breath even out about ten minutes ago, for a bit he found himself just listening to him breathe. A few moments later Ilya feels Shane’s back press against his. He tenses up at first, unsure what to do. When he realizes the answer is nothing, he relaxes against Shane. Like clockwork, he feels himself being pulled under.
A moment before he falls asleep his brain supplies an unhelpful thought.
I get to sleep next to Shane again.