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Ice wizards didn't get cold. The very idea would be an absolute joke to anyone who had even the slightest amount of knowledge about wizards with an innate magical ability. Ice mages didn't get cold for the same reason fire mages didn't get burned and lightning mages couldn't accidentally shock themselves. Though, admittedly, those two seemed more potentially life saving. Still, Gray hadn't felt cold since he was a child still in his early days with Ur. But that didn't mean he was always warm. He had been, obviously, but just because he didn't get cold he wasn't always the opposite.
This was different. It wasn't the early morning desire to stay under the covers, although there was the softness of a mattress beneath him that certainly constituted the vague reminder of that. It wasn't the pleasantness of a hot drink entering his system nor the restrictive comfort of a sweater or coat. This was still pleasant — more pleasant, even — but he couldn't place it.
Injured. He had been injured on a job. Not with his usual team, though. Erza had a specialized job the old man needed her for, and Lucy, Natsu, and Happy had- what was it? They had decided on separate jobs from each other. The pay? Yes, that's what it was. Lucy needed her rent. All of the jobs were either too small for the four of them to rationally split it or too big to do without Erza without feeling bad for not including her. He hadn't felt particularly inclined to choose one on his own, though, so he picked one up with Macao and Wakaba. They didn't often do jobs with anyone other than each other, but after just a small amount of pseudo-begging not to do a job by himself they laughed it off and welcomed him aboard.
The job wasn't even particularly difficult. He just wasn't used to working with them, while the two of them fit like a glove in every movement. They weren't used to having a third, so when he got briefly separated… he didn't think they even remembered he was there. He took care of the guy, but only after he had gotten a considerable beating and a blade was run through his abdomen.
Macao and Wakaba felt terrible when they found him. It seemed a miracle they even thought to look for him after he collapsed fifty meters from them in the woods. He had dragged himself away from the man who separated him from them in case he woke up, but eventually the exhaustion got to him and he fell. Wakaba looked as pale as a sheet when he called to his friend that he had found him, and Macao wouldn't stop muttering rapidly to himself as the pair pulled him to his feet.
"Drag this kid out here and don't even take care of him." He swore under his breath. "Damnit, we're supposed to be better than this."
"Give it a break, man." Wakaba laughed, though he seemed more concerned than he allowed himself to let on. "Didn't drag him anywhere. If he can't handle a real job, he shouldn't have begged to come with us."
"You know I've handled more intense jobs than this piece of cake! I'm not some kind of-"
Macao snorted. "Yeah, with Erza."
"I think you could take the humbling."
He tried to argue back — all in good fun — but the spinning in his vision got just unbearable enough to cause his vision to go black.
And now this. He was home, obviously, but he didn't understand why he was so warm. He was sprawled out on his stomach with his head turned to the side. It was comfortable. A bed, surely. And then… a weight on top of him. That weight was what was so warm. Not a blanket. It was too heavy and oddly shaped, and a small part of it wrapped around him to-
Oh.
It was a person.
His breath instantly hitched, a tightness gathering in his gut so strong that he thought he would hurl. A person lain across his back. Arms wrapped around his waist to rest on the part of his abdomen below his stomach and above his crotch. Fingers pressed into the divots of his pelvis. He took it in for only seconds before he was pushing himself away with so much force that they both went tumbling to the floor below.
Gray was frozen where he landed, his bare back against the rough wood. He heard a groan off to the side.
"What the hell, man?" He knew that voice all too well.
Of all people…?
"Natsu!?" He tried sitting up, but the pain that stabbed him in the gut stopped him. "What the hell are you doing!? Why-"
"Calm down!" Natsu was sitting, legs and arms crossed as he gave an unimpressed look Gray's way. "Holy shit, dude. Can't a guy check up on his friend? Macao and Wakaba seemed real worried. They said they hadn't seen you since they brought you back and patched you up. It's been days."
He reached an arm out in an attempt to pull him up, and Gray hesitated. He didn't like being touched.
Well, that was far from true. He did like it, but it was also… horrifying. It felt vulnerable to allow contact he didn't initiate or reciprocate. He and Natsu would toss each other around when they fought or butt heads both literally and figuratively, and he was fine tossing an arm over a friend's shoulders when he made light of something. But from someone else — the moment he felt a hand placed on the small of his back, when someone hugged him without warning, if someone fell into him when they laughed — he just… couldn't handle it. It freaked him out.
Well, normally he could handle it. Brief contact was… fine. He could deal with a quick hug or a push when he wasn't moving. He didn't actually do anything. At least, not anything that anyone else would notice. He froze, sure. He swallowed in a tight, choked way. He eased away from the touch in a way that wouldn't make people notice the slight trembling in his hands. It wasn't a big deal. It plagued him, yes, but it had been an issue for so long that he sort of stopped thinking about it. Since his parents had died, really. Definitely since Ur had died. Fairy Tail was family, obviously, but by the time he found them the vulnerability of touch already terrified him. They didn't seem to mind. He didn't want it anymore.
At least… he told himself he didn't want it anymore. But the warmth was undeniable. Lucy's arms wrapped around his shoulders when he did something even vaguely kind for her sent just as much ecstasy as it did horror. Natsu forcing him into an unwilling rest when he fought too hard to keep standing made a part of him soften just as much as the rest tightened. It was… nice. It was nice to be touched. It was nice to be cared for. But he also… what, hated it? That wasn't the right word. It just scared him. It made him think they would disappear again.
Gray steeled himself. This was stupid. He reached out, and their hands grasped the inside of each other's elbows as Natsu pulled him to a seated position. When Gray let go, Natsu lingered for a moment. His thumb rested on the pulse that he knew was more erratic than he could ever hope to quell. It made his skin crawl.
"That's not 'checking up.'" He muttered. "That's, fucking-" He paused. He could still feel it. The skin against his back. The fingers resting where the balls reached the sockets of his hips. It was so… warm. Steady.
He swallowed.
Natsu shrugged. "Someone told me your temperature can drop when you lose blood. Lucy, maybe? When I got here you seemed pretty cold."
"I'm an ice mage." He snorted. "Of course I feel cold to you. You know, a fire wizard."
He blinked. "Huh. I hadn't thought of that." There was a small pause before he laughed. "I can't believe you're always taking your clothes off when you're already cold all the time."
"I don't get cold, dumbass. It's not like you get burned."
"Well, yeah." He said. "But I get hot." It felt like he was closer than he should be, even though he could swear he hadn't moved even an inch. "Feels kinda nice. Feeling cool for a change. Thought that was just 'cause you might by dying, though." No, he had moved. Knuckles pressed gingerly to his arm. Gray squeezed his fist and tried not to let the sudden inhale make any noise. "Nice and cold."
The only way he knew how to describe it was icy. But how could he feel icy? He was never cold. It traced back to before he had learned his magic. When he had first been ordered to strip in the freezing mountains and could still feel the chill of the air. When he made his first ice sculpture, tiny as he could imagine, and it was colder than any ice he had ever felt before when it landed in his palm. Touch had that same sting. Like microscopic needles embedding into his skin.
Those same fingers trailed up his arm. His thumb ran across his bicep until the hand reached his shoulder. He rested it there, rising and falling rapidly with Gray's terrible attempt to make his breath less staggered. It pushed further, fingers sliding across the top of his back until they rested on his spine. His thumb and forefinger briefly twisted a lock of hair.
Gray was practically spasming with how near-violent the twitching was.
"Natsu." His voice was cold, but he could hardly call it firm. It shook. Natsu gave him a perplexed look, like he was trying to figure him out. He didn't seem to, but he at least tried to convince himself he did.
He pulled back. "Sorry."
"Just- what are you doing?"
"You've always got this, uh… this look." He said. "When someone touches you. I couldn't tell if it was like you wanted to throw up or if you were, like, scared or something."
He scoffed. "I don't have a look."
Natsu rolled his eyes. "You do, Gray. Everyone knows the look."
"I don't-"
"Shut up, it's fine. I was just curious. Obviously you just don't like being touched. That's what everyone says, anyway." There was a flicker of doubt in his eyes. "I just felt like I had to see for myself without the whole damn guild breathing down my neck." Gray clenched his jaw. "It's not like it's a big deal. If you don't want to be touched, you don't. Whatever."
"I do." It came out of his mouth before he had the chance to think, and he instantly wanted to throw up. Natsu's eyes widened, but before he could say anything Gray was pulling himself to his feet and talking again. "Thanks, uh, for checking on me. I'll be fine in a bit, I just-"
When he turned back to face him, the sounds stopped in his throat. He was close. Too close. There was mere inches between their chests. Gray was backed up against the bed, and Natsu was in his space in a way that was different. A way that he didn't know how to handle. He looked over him like he was trying to find something, eyes scanning every inch of him. Those eyes were too sincere to be Natsu's. Too… aware. He was thinking too much. Natsu didn't think — he just acted. He did whatever came to him the moment it did, regardless of what the consequences may be. He was reckless. He destroyed just as much if not more than any other member of Fairy Tail.
So why was he thinking now?
As much as everyone told him otherwise, Natsu suspected there was more to Gray's aversion than simply not liking to be touched. He hadn't noticed when they were kids; they were too busy fighting to ever have a contact that wasn't tossing each other across the floor. He noticed when he was older. He noticed when he tensed at Erza's job-well-done head pat after a job. He noticed when he pushed him away when he got too excited that something was successful. He noticed that after years of what he realized upon further inspection was him pulling away, people didn't touch him anymore.
"I just don't think that's it." He grumbled one day to Mirajane. "It's not like he's aggressive about it. He doesn't even say anything."
Mira hummed. "Maybe he just doesn't want to fight about it."
"He wants to fight about everything!" He noticed a look from Cana, but he didn't really care. "Trust me, when he doesn't like something he'll let you know."
"Well, I don't know what else you expect the answer to be, Natsu."
Gray was a reserved guy. Well, not reserved, exactly, but he wasn't one to talk about his feelings when it came to anything that actually mattered. He was loud and boisterous and angry, but it wasn't often that you would get something too serious from him. He was pretty sure the only time he had seen him crying was on Galuna Island, and even then he had barely explained himself.
And here he was, inches away with his fists clenched so hard they were shaking. He had this look in his eyes. That same one he always had when someone got too close. Like he would crack if they got any closer. His throat bobbed in a strained swallow.
"You do want to be touched." Natsu spoke slowly. It was a question, but he kept a downward inflection. He knew he was right. Hell, he knew he could be dense but he had literally just said that. Gray set his jaw.
Whatever. If this was going to ruin anything, he was pretty sure he had already messed up when he climbed on top of him while he was unconscious. Possibly not his smartest move in recent history. He didn't know why he was like this, but he wanted to find some small way to help. He wasn't going to do that if he didn't try anything at all, even if it might freak him out.
"Sit down."
Gray made a face. "What?"
"Just do it, Frosty." Before he had a chance to object, Natsu pushed him down with hands on his shoulders until he sat on the edge of the bed. He could feel the muscles beneath his fingers tightening. "Geez, calm down. It's not like I'm gonna hurt you." He pressed his fingers in circles into the into the muscle where Gray's neck met his shoulders. Not that it was doing much good with how much he was tensing aside from the usual wear and tear of their lives. His eyes were shut tight. He paused. "Gray."
"Shut up."
For a moment Natsu thought that he should stop. He should leave, and maybe they could forget that anything had happened. Or pretend to, at least. But something in the back of his head kept him going. He thought that, maybe, Gray only pushed because he wanted him to push back. To prove that it wasn't just an obligation.
So, instead of leaving, he sat beside him. Close. Their thighs and shoulders pressed against each other. Gray was as cold as ever, but he wasn't lying about it feeling nice. He ran hot. It didn't bother him often, but regardless he really liked the feeling of cool skin against his own. He liked the touch in of itself.
Natsu was a generally touchy person — anyone who knew him knew that. He acted like he hated it, but he always found it fun as a kid to bathe with the other kids. He and Gray didn't butt heads when Erza was there, and even though it was embarrassing with Lisanna and Elfman it still brought them closer. He threw himself on Lucy pretty much everywhere they went, and he always had been rather close with Lisanna, even if he was awkward with her. Happy, well, there never seemed to be a time they weren't together, and when he was younger, especially, he was all over Gildarts when he wasn't on a job.
"Natsu."
He hadn't realized he had gotten somehow closer. His arm wasn't quite wrapped around him, but he was bracing himself with his hand placed nearly on Gray's opposite side. The front of his shoulder slid behind the back of his, and the side of his face barely rested against him.
"Natsu-" It came out more constricted this time.
"Gray." His tone was even. Gray's breath was not. "What are you so scared of?"
"I'm not-"
"You're shaking like a leaf, and you already said you don't get cold." He heard his jaw click next to his ear. "It's fine." He said. "You're fine."
"You shouldn't be here." He muttered.
Natsu set his mouth into a hard line. "I'll leave if you want me to."
"I-" A strangled noise came out of his throat. "I don't."
"Then I'll stay." He said. "But you got to let me, uh… you know. Okay?" Gray didn't answer. "…Okay?" The nod was so slow and so slight he almost didn't catch it. "Okay."
After shifting his weight so he wasn't resting on his arm, he moved it back to his side. For a moment, all he could do was look. Watch his teeth latched onto his trembling lower lip, his eyes locked shut but still somehow focused on something far away. If they were open he wouldn't be able to see anything for the way his hair hung in his face.
That was a start.
As slowly as he could muster, Natsu reached his hand to the strands of hair in front of his eyes. He pulled it back and tucked what he could behind his face before dropping his hand to the back of his neck. His thumb rested on Gray's jaw. He sat like that for a moment. At first, Gray was as hard as ever. Harder. His entire body was tensed in what must have been downright painful. But Natsu didn't move. He sat still, quiet, until his shoulders relaxed.
Just a little, barely anything at all. But he felt it. He felt them lower ever so slightly, and he felt the muscles of his throat soften where the lower portion of his thumb sat. He didn't bring attention to it. Something told him that, if he did, it would only reverse the small progress he made. Slowly, he relaxed more, until the tenseness felt like simply that of which built up after jobs.
"You sore?" He asked, shifting himself to sit cross-legged on the bed behind him. He opened his mouth, but no intelligible sound came out. Natsu decided not to push it. "Mine and Lucy's wasn't too bad, but I am a little myself." He placed either hand along the base of Gray's neck and his thumbs next to either side of his spine. He rubbed pressured circles with his thumbs as he squeezed slowly and rhythmically with the rest of his hand. He took a sharp breath. Natsu waited until he let it out. He attempted a lighthearted laugh. "I guess you wouldn't be if Macao and Wakaba were used to having a third, huh?"
Gray's fists were still clenched by his sides, but the hardness in his muscles wasn't so fierce anymore. He couldn't see his face, but he imagined he was still biting his lip.
"Lay down, man." He murmured, gently pulling back his shoulders. He tensed back up for a second but didn't fight it. His eyes were still shut. He was clearly trying to keep his breathing steady as he somewhat relaxed into the mattress. Every few seconds a puff of cold air exited his mouth.
Natsu really did think that Gray was… beautiful. He had thought that for a long time, somewhere that he didn't care to pull up very often, but something about this moment brought it from the depths of his soul to really listen to. His trust, perhaps, was what was beautiful. The softness of his face despite the hardness in his jaw. He wanted to make that hardness disappear, even if only for a moment. He wanted to see him completely soft and slack jawed, breathing slowly and deeply and pupils dilated like he was calm.
He didn't know he had pressed his lips to Gray's forehead until he felt the cool skin against them. For a moment, everything was still. Natsu's breathing stopped. Gray's shaking subsided.
"Natsu."
Fuck.
"Sorry, sorry. Shit, I'm sorry." He scrambled to sit beside him. He was practically straddling him. "I- look, I'm sorry. I didn't mean to-"
A sound that he could only describe as a sob came out of Gray's mouth, and Natsu took a moment to really look at him. He was shaking again. Breathing hard. A tear fell down his jaw and to the base of his throat.
Whatever. Fuck it. He was past too far at this point.
Natsu pulled him up. He wrapped his arms firmly around his waist and held him tighter than he thought he had anyone before. He buried his face into the side of Gray's neck, and for a moment he thought he might start crying too. Before he could think about how surely awful of a decision it was, the hug was reciprocated.
"If-" Gray's voice was choked. "I'm sorry. If you didn't mean-"
"I mean it." He pushed him back until he was on top of him, both still wrapped around each other like their lives depended on it. "I care for you, Gray. A lot."
They just breathed like that for several minutes, their faces buried into each other's neck and chests rising and falling in tandem. He could feel an occasional tear against his skin. Then, he felt icy lips against the base of his neck.
"Hey, don't think you're beating me to it!" Natsu laughed, untangling himself and supporting his weight with his arms so he was hovering above Gray. He lowered his head slowly. As much as he wanted to kiss him with heated fervor, he knew that wasn't what he needed right now. What either of them needed. So he was slow. He ghosted his lips over his until there was firm pressure. He pulled back just enough to kiss him again. And again, and again, and again…
He moved to his jaw, up behind his ear, down to the base of his throat. He stopped there, feeling his pulse. It was fast, but it wasn't so scared this time. He wasn't so afraid of being touched. He wasn't too afraid to touch him, either. His arms wrapped around his waist and pulled their hips flush together. He could feel Gray's fingers shaking on the small of his back, but considering everything he didn't seem to be too upset.
A potentially dangerous thought crossed his mind. Perhaps now wasn't the time. Perhaps it was too much. But with every inch of them pressed into each other, he wasn't so sure he could hold himself back from being at least a little playful.
He sunk his teeth into his throat. Gray gasped, head arching behind him. It was a beautiful sound, and Natsu couldn't help but do it again.
He stopped there. This was a lot. It had been a lot for him, surely. Hell, earlier he'd frozen up just because he reached a hand out to him. Too much more and he was afraid he might actually shatter. So he kissed the forming bruises, trailing back up to his face to press his lips softly against his once more. They sat like that, holding on to each other, for a while.
"I think it's kind of nice, too." Gray murmured eventually. "The warmth."