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Sabito has always loved petting Giyuu`s ego, building it up with words of gold. He`s done this since they were teenagers and Giyuu the overthinker was born. It`s not his fault exactly, raging hormones and the stupid nonsense teenagers do can lead to nights spent staring at your ceiling, regretting whatever you said, whether it was yesterday you said it, or a hundred years ago. So a little praise and encouragement goes a long way.
When Sabito went over to Giyuu`s house to play a new game he`d bought. Sabito and Giyuu sat by the TV with their backs leaning against the sofa, Giyuu taking the first turn and gripping the controller tightly as he maneuvered through obstacles and fired. He hadn`t died once yet, either beginner`s luck or sheer magic supporting him as he made his way through game after game, Sabito only managing to play for a few minutes before he died and Giyuu took over.
Sabito flopped despondently on the sofa and huffed, kicking an arm and leg out to occupy the whole thing. Giyuu`s eyes were glued to the screen and he used his arms like a steering wheel to avoid dying, almost breaking the joystick.
“Hey, you know you only need to use the joystick to move your character?” Sabito quizzed, eyebrow cocked in surprise.
“Yeah, yeah, I know. I just panicked and needed to turn more, so some weird part of my brain thought I should turn the controller, even though it doesn`t do anything.” Giyuu didn`t move his eyes from the screen, feeling a like an idiot.
“Oh,” Sabito laughed, “alright, well, you`re still really good at this, whether you turn the controller or not. You`re ridiculously good at this, actually.” He smiled and leant back, maneuvering a cushion to lay his head on. He tucked his arm underneath and watched the screen, then let his gaze slide down to land on Giyuu`s unruly mop of inky black hair.
When Sabito said those words, inside Giyuu`s chest, warmth bloomed and joy threw sparkly confetti at his insides. He smiled a small, joyful smile to himself, before quickly tilting his head back until he could see Sabito clearly, albeit upside down, and flashed a wide, white smile at the peachy haired teen behind him.
When Giyuu learnt to drive. Sabito had already gained his learner`s license and wanted Giyuu to catch up. They took Urokodaki`s car out to a parking lot in the late afternoon on a Sunday, when no-one was around to bother them. Instructed by Sabito, Giyuu drove forwards, turned, turned again, turned one more time, turned again and Sabito clapped, “Well done! You`ve made your first square!”
“My first… square?” Giyuu asked, confused since he was sure that wasn`t some sort of driving term.
“Yep! Just drew a little square in the car park! Nice turning, by the way.” Sabito grinned, lazily slinging an arm around Giyuu`s shoulders.
“Huh. My first square. Lemme try a circle.”
They spent the next hour or two in the car park, driving in shapes, changing gears (Sabito insisted he learn to drive on a manual car, that way, he can easily drive both automatic and manual. Also, Urokodaki`s car was a manual, so there was no other option), and Sabito screaming when Giyuu stalled the car or sped up too quickly.
Evening came around and Sabito leant back in his seat after Giyuu successfully parked the car in the middle of the car park. “It`s awesome how you learn so fast, you`re so good at this!”
Giyuu`s eyes sparkled with joy and he turned his head to look out the window, smiling secretively to himself. Sabito swapped seats with him and drove him home, promising a next lesson ‘whenever your heart desires’.
When they went shopping together, a month after Sabito asked Giyuu to be his boyfriend. It was an activity they`d done many times before, but it felt like a new activity now they were doing it as a couple. They were at the mall together, standing in front of a rail of clothing. Sabito analysed all the t-shirts carefully, baggy but not too baggy is what he needs. Maybe a logo… or symbols… or a graphic t-shirt could work. Hmm, this plain white could work, it has a black logo in the corner… this will do. Turning to the side, Sabito saw Giyuu holding a deep blue graphic t-shirt in his hands. A large rectangle took up the middle, abstract patterns and sharp-cornered oceanic creatures swam inside it. He smiled, folded it and held it under his arm, and picked up another, grey, with no design on it, and practically a double of the grey, but in a light blue that almost shone. Giyuu turned to Sabito and held up the blue and the grey, swapping inbetween.
“Which one?”
They spent a decent amount of time choosing clothing, so long that Sabito internally wondered how manly it was to spend so much time over fashion. After they completed their purchases and left the shop to head to a restaurant further down the mall, Sabito turned to Giyuu, who was wearing one of his most recent purchases. A deep red shirt, small white lettering in one corner and a large white logo on the back. Sabito was mentally slapped in the face by how much the colour brought out the blue of Giyuu`s eyes, the deep sapphire blue appeared clearer and lighter, shimmering like the ocean with a ring of cerulean around his pupils. Sabito stood gobsmacked, in the middle of a mall, staring in awe at the gorgeous person in front of him.
“What is it?” Giyuu asked, concerned about how Sabito`s face had gone slack. He checked behind himself, finding nothing, he turned back and found that Sabito had schooled his face back into composure, but was gazing at Giyuu with such lovestruck adoration on his face that Giyuu melted and flushed pink. “Wha- why are you staring at me like that?” He mumbled, skin heating up and confusion mingled with embarrassment flooding over his brain.
Sabito smiled then, and turned his head away, sighing dramatically.
“You chose a shirt that really complements your eyes. You`re just too damn good at this.”
When they needed to make a decision about a date. Sabito paced around the room, tapping his chin and thinking. Giyuu stuffed his face with green tea mochi and watched him lazily from his spot on the floor.
“How about… I don`t know.” Sabito said, hesitating. He didn`t want to suggest something stupid or cringy that Giyuu wouldn`t like but would agree to anyways, just to please Sabito. He sat on the floor, then collapsed backwards, hands over his face. Groaning loudly, he kicked his feet and slammed them back down again, wincing at the sting that went through them when they hit the wooden floorboards. He sighed, he`d thought of everywhere they could possibly go, but they`d already been at each place before.
Yuu and I have always been friends, so we have that foundation. Ignoring the fact we apparently had massive crushes on each other since we were kids. Nothing much is awkward anymore, we`ve seen or heard it all. I know he`s happy to go anywhere… but do I really know that? He sometimes looks uncomfortable even if he said he`s okay. We know pretty much everything there is to know about each other but…
I remember when we went on one of our first few dates, to a restaurant we`d been to a hundred times before, but this time, we were quiet, shy, hiding behind our menus and it was like talking to a stranger, we were so awkward. We eventually settled back into our old habits, but it all felt so new…
What am I rambling on about… hang on, what was I deciding?
“Hey Giyuu? What were-” Sabito suddenly remembered and stopped, “never mind.”
Giyuu swallowed, licked his lips and spoke, “Alright, I`ll put you out of your misery. The… whatever-it`s-called waterfall trail an hour`s drive away sounds good for me, dunno if you want to. We can bring a picnic and hike. Oh, and swim of course.” He languidly lay back and bit into another ball.
*******************
The two sat on the rocks by the pools, water gushing loudly next to them. The sky was a deep grey, the colour of unpolished silver, cooling the atmosphere to a comfortable temperature for hiking. An open Tupperware sat next to them, sandwiches piled inside.
Sabito finished the energy bar and put the wrapper into his backpack, sucking on one of his teeth to remove an apricot-flavoured morsel. Giyuu sat, crunching grapes loudly, staring at the rushing water, almost hypnotised. Birdsong surrounded them, insects whirred and clicked, the tiny, crystal streams diverting from the main river bubbling over the pebbly bed. The atmosphere was serene, peaceful, and soothing, already their muscles had relaxed.
Giyuu smiled and swallowed his final grape, saying quietly, “This is lovely.”
Sabito nodded in response, the peaceful atmosphere heavy on their tongues, making speech difficult. He forced his mouth to open, slung an arm around Giyuu's shoulders to pull him closer and whispered to him.
“This was one heck of a perfect date choice. How did you decide?”
“Mmmm, magic.” Giyuu said, wiggling his fingers emphatically.
“You're too good at this.”
“Good at what?”
“Everything!”
“No, I'm not.”
“Oh yes, you are.”
Sabito squeezed his shoulder affectionately, “So good at everything.”
Even when he used claw machines at arcades. Giyuu presented the plastic ball to Sabito with a flourish, smiling smugly as the neon lights fell onto his choppy black hair, providing bright highlights and unique shadows.
“What's this?” Sabito turned to face him on his seat and took the light, lime green ball from his now extremely arrogant looking boyfriend.
“Open it.” Giyuu learnt against the side of the machine, careful not to use his entire weight since the damn thing might collapse and ruin the surprise. He stood with bated breath as Sabito shook the tennis-ball sized object and tapped it carefully. He peered at the opaque plastic, hoping to get an idea of what it was.
“Do you know what it is?” Sabito quizzed, wondering what was in the ball and why Giyuu looked so smug.
“That I do. Now open it, I didn't win it especially for you just for you to stare at the ball!”
Sabito got the picture and cracked it open. Inside was a keyring, a light coloured shinai (the weapon used for kendo) surrounded by powder blue waves. Overall, it was trim and simple and the colours bland, not sparkly or showy. It was perfect for Sabito, who gasped an awestruck ‘No way!’ and looked at Giyuu with the same expression a child with a brand new toy would have, sparkly eyes and all.
Giyuu was surprised he was so happy to get a simple keyring, but the truth was that Sabito loved it when people appreciated and remembered his hobbies or idiosyncrasies. For example, he has his small habit of rearranging his shoes twice when he takes them off at the door. Twice, no more, no less. Giyuu knows this so always gives him time to do that when they come in the door, not saying anything to distract Sabito from his slightly OCD shoe-arranging. So, to Sabito, the gift was more than a keyring. It showed Giyuu remembered what his boyfriend loves and went so far as to show his appreciation by getting him a keyring from a claw machine. Those claw machines aren't easy either.
Speaking on that Sabito asked, “Those machines aren't easy, how did you get this first try? And how did you know which one was which?”
“It was the only one with a key to what was in each colour. The key stated what sport was in each colour, it didn't have pictures though. Maybe it was meant to be, me getting you this keyring,” the darker haired young man joked, “and I didn't get it first try. It took me 3 tries.”
“Only 3? Wow!” Sabito smiled and looked at the keyring again before speaking once more, “I'm sure it was meant to be… what else did you get?”
“I got a yellow baseball one and a blue swimming one.”
“Gimme that.” Sabito hurried to snatch the yellow ball from Giyuu's hand. It had never been a sport he played, but, like most of Japan, he enjoyed watching it.
Giyuu chuckled good-naturedly and absentmindedly fiddled with the last ball before remarking that he'd give the swimming keyring to Tsutaco, since it was a hobby of hers, one she was very good at.
“Don't you want it? We still swim, and used to go to the club. We only stopped a few years ago.” Sabito queried, leaning back on his red-faux-leather-seated stool.
“Nah, it's a gift for her. We only swim at the beach or a lake because it's available. Nee-san is more dedicated, she belongs to a gym and goes every Wednesday and Friday without fail. It makes more sense to give it to the more dedicated person.” Giyuu smiled, showing he harboured no regrets against giving the keyring to her, and opened the ball. He put the keyring in his pocket, a small square showing a shiny blue pool, aquamarine, with 5 red and yellow dividing ropes and a small female swimmer wearing a red costume in the second lane. Its colours were more shiny and polished than the kendo keyring. The baseball keyring, once Sabito dispatched of the flimsy yellow ball, was of a player, his bat connecting to the ball, an action shot in green, white and black. Plain colours. The colours seen at the game. It was matt, no shine.
Sabito put his treasures in his pocket, then his head snapped upwards to stare at Giyuu forlornly.
“You don't have a keyring!”
“Oh. I suppose I don't. It's fine though, I really don't-"
“Nonsense!”
Sabito grabbed his hand and dragged Giyuu away, making haste to where the claw machines were located.
“Show me where you get these.” He huffed indignantly, head snapping from side to side, like a fox hunting for its prey.
“It's the one over there, green and pink and yellow and blue. The small kid and his mom are standing… no they moved away, there's no line either.”
“Perfect.” Sabito strode over to the machine and took out some coins.
“No, Sabito, you really don't have to. It's fine, really. I don't need one.”
“You may not need one, but what kind of boyfriend would I be if I didn't get you something, even if you don't need it. I'll try anyways, it's only right, and manly.”
“Go ahead then. Good luck, darling!” Giyuu put his hands on Sabito's shoulders and placed his chin on his broad shoulders before squeezing gently and letting go. He stood next to Sabito as he inserted the coin and maneuvered the controls. Looking down at the guide, he saw the fishing keyring would be in in a darker blue bubble. Spotting one underneath a pink ball, whatever that may be, he knocked the pink aside with the claws and grabbed the blue. He lifted too fast, and in his haste to drop the slipping ball into the plastic chute, he failed, knocking the ball against the cube and dropping it. His turn ended.
“Damn it!” He cursed and huffed, indignant that he failed. In front of his now-giggling boyfriend too. He sighed and grabbed another coin, determined to win. He dropped it again. And a third time. And a fourth. Sabito felt like smashing the machine. He balled his hands into fists and breathed in deeply before reaching for more money. Giyuu stopped him, shaking his head.
“Let a professional try. I don't want you wasting more money anyway.” Giyuu's smile dropped as Sabito narrowed his eyes and reached for the coins.
“Please?” he begged, dragging out the ‘e’.
“Don't waste your money on me.” Giyuu sighed.
“It's not a waste. Goodness, Giyuu, you'd think you would realise that by now, you're not a waste, no money spent on you is either. How many times must we have this talk?”
“I'm sorry… just let me do it, please. It's painful watching you.”
Sabito huffed and gave Giyuu a coin, noting not to let this self-deprecating talk slide, but not wanting to ruin the moment. He was humbled in seconds, Giyuu managing to bring the ball over the chute and opening the metal door to receive his prize. He turned triumphantly to Sabito, opened his mouth, waggled his tongue, and jubilantly waddled off along the line of machines. Sabito was left gobsmacked.
Now left humiliated and feeling useless, the peach haired young man moped after his exuberant boyfriend. Giyuu cracked open the ball and lifted up the keyring to stare at it. The keyring's image was a wavy shape, a picture of a fish on a hook, curved in his struggle to escape. The fish was silver with darker grey markings. The hook was hidden inside its mouth, while the red line snaked above the fish. There was a rod, black and red, which the line connected to. Everything was set on a background of roiling white-crested waves. The colours were shiny and bright, glinting in the strange coloured lighting of the arcade. He enjoyed fishing as a hobby, and since his parents died, he and his sister didn`t have a lot of money, fishing provided an easy dinner, even if he had to do it without a permit. That was in the past though. Now he had a permit and fishing didn`t have to be their only meal option, just a peaceful hobby. Giyuu smiled and pocketed the keyring happily, turning to his boyfriend. Who had just had an idea.
“Go away, begone, I have an idea and you can't see it.” Sabito uttered before gently taking hold of Giyuu's shoulders and steering him in the direction of the dance games.
“Hold on, what are you doing? If it's the claw machines again, I already have my keyring, please don't try anything else. You'll waste money on failed attempts.”
“Nope, it's not claw machines, I want to try a game without you watching me embarrass myself,” Sabito lied, then remembered how Giyuu had vanished and reappeared without a trace behind him before, “and don't try to come near me.”
He kissed Giyuu quickly on the cheek and ran off, darting away between the games. Giyuu was confused, but sighed and decided to grab a snack from the shop next-door.
He came back with a packet of crisps and a small packet of chocolate coated biscuits. Ripping the biscuits open, he munched on a few as he wandered aimlessly through the arcade, deciding to play an adventure game. He battled monsters and obtained coins, the sounds of the noisy arcade behind him fading away. He focused solely on the beeps and tinny music played by the green and black box in front of him, hands gripping the joystick and stabbing the buttons. He died after a while and learnt back on his stool, sighing.
“Hey! I'm back. Got this for you!” Sabito sauntered up to him and held out his hands. In them was a pastel blue plushy, closer inspection revealed a shark. A derpy, cute shark with dot eyes and a wide-open toothy grin. Giyuu's eyes lit up and he plucked the soft toy from Sabito's hands.
“Awww, I love it! It's so cute, where… where did you get it?” Giyuu narrowed his eyes mid sentence to stare at his grinning boyfriend.
“At a claw machine. First try.”
“Honestly. I told you you didn't-”
“I know… but you were too good at them, I needed to try.”
Wrapping his arms around Giyuu, he paused, squeezing him tightly. Giyuu squeezed back, plushy still in hands and fluttery feeling in his heart from his favourite compliment. Noting the packets next to the arcade machine, Sabito spoke,“Right, let's grab some proper food, I'm starving.”
Reading Sabito's emotions like a book. Giyuu sat next to his boyfriend on his sofa, eyes trained only on him. Sabito stared at the TV, but at the same time, his eyes didn't seem to focus on the events in front of him. He looked blank, gaunt even. The thing that made Giyuu really pay attention was when he sighed and dragged a hand down his face tiredly. Feeling the burning gaze on him, the lavender-eyed male turned his head quizzically. This gave his boyfriend a better opportunity to really observe him.
He looked exhausted, eyelids sagging and circles under his eyes. His face was gaunt and pale, lips chapped and downturned.
“What's wrong? You look… depressed.” Giyuu asked, snuggling up close to him and wrapping his arm around Sabito's waist. He threw himself into Sabito's lap and held onto the taller man's shoulder with his other hand.
On the receiving end of Giyuu's concerned pout and puppy-dog head tilt, Sabito could do nothing except tell the truth.
“I haven't been sleeping well lately, exams and whatnot. Stress has really been catching up to me. I wake up in the middle of the night and worry about if I studied enough or what test we have next. I can barely get to sleep at night, I spend at least 15 minutes worrying. I wake up tired, scared and I study while eating breakfast. I come home exhausted and I don't know what to do. I don't feel like studying so I play games or eat some food. Then I study but it's so difficult. I'm just tired, worried and scared, I can't do this anymore and I just want all this to go away and let me be. I'm so, so tired, Giyuu.” The more Sabito spoke, the more words gushed out like a torrent, releasing stresses and fears he'd been hiding. He sighed and let his head sag. All he wanted to do was curl up in a ball and sob his torn-up heart out.
Giyuu's face contorted and he curled closer to Sabito, wrapping his arms around whatever part of his torso he could reach. He tightened his grip to hug him, then let go, only to stand in front of him, kneel around Sabito's lap with Sabito's thighs inside Giyuu's, and give him a proper hug. He held Sabito as he buried his face in his shoulder and cried, hot tears burning red streaks down his face, eyes squeezing shut and fingers gripping the darker haired young man's shoulders like a vice. His crying got louder, and he broke, collapsing properly into Giyuu's supporting arms.
Soft whispers filled Sabito's ears, comforting and gentle. The boy above him crooned sweet words that plastered Sabito's torn heart. Neither of them knew for how long they sat like that, but after a good deal of crying and comforting, Sabito disentangled himself from Giyuu and peeled his snotty, teary face from his blue-wool-sweatered shoulder. He sniffed and contemplated wiping his nose with his hand, until Giyuu passed him a toilet paper roll that Tsutaco kept on the coffee table for emergencies like these. He violently blew his nose multiple times and rubbed his swollen, reddened eyes until the blurriness had left.
Giyuu watched him all this time, a soft and pitying expression on his face, while Sabito composed himself and tried to retain a shred of manly dignity.
“You don`t have to look strong, you know? You can cry or slump or even collapse on the floor in a cloud of misery, if you want.” He said gently, blue eyes clear and kind.
Sabito looked over at him and sighed, looking away and putting his head in his hands, “I just… I feel like I have to be strong, y`know, cause I`m a man. I want to try and be strong too… I don`t know how other people stay so… manly and… energetic? Confident, that's the word. I don`t know how they do it.”
“Sabito, have you ever seen these people`s home lives? How do you know they don`t get home and break down sobbing on their floors? And crying isn`t ‘Not manly’. It`s expressing your emotions rather than bottling them up. Crying makes you feel good, it cleanses your eyes… I think, and it cleanses your mind, all your stress can flow out easily and you can relax, since your problems are out there instead of inside. It makes you calmer,” Giyuu paused to tilt his head further and remove Sabito`s hands from his face, making the peach-haired young man look at him, “I don`t want you to feel like you can`t cry in front of me. I absolutely sob in front of you, so I expect you to be able to do the same. Whatever your emotions are, I need you to be able to let them out or talk to me about them. Bottling up is not good for your health. I`m serious, they actually have health complications. Search it up.”
Sabito felt himself pulled sideways to lay his head on Giyuu`s lap. He turned onto his back and stared at the beautiful face above him, inwardly noting how nice the material of Giyuu`s cargo pants were.
“I love you, you fabulous rat.” Giyuu snickered.
“Okay, hold up, if anyone is a fabulous rat, it`s Uzui. I`m more of a… handsome fox-type guy.”
“Alright then, you handsome fox, I still need you to know I love you and wish only the best for you.”
“I love you too, Giyuu. Ah, c`mere!”
Sabito pulled Giyuu`s face down to his and kissed him, languidly and lovingly, Giyuu wrapping his arms around Sabito`s strong shoulders, often carrying the weight of the world.
He broke away, “How are you always so good at reading my emotions? It must be witchcraft!” he uttered loudly, squishing Giyuu`s cheeks between his palms, forcing his face into a comical expression.
“I`ll never tell!” Giyuu mumbled out cheerfully.
Taking photographs. Giyuu stared at the image on the screen. Too blurry. He deleted the image and lifted his phone once more. Waited for the camera to focus, he adjusted the light a little, zoomed in, and snapped away. It was, to any normal person, an excellent photo. The light and shadows highlighted the surroundings exactly as they were in life. The colours were captured perfectly, a bird in flight shot across the upper third of the picture. To Giyuu, it was mediocre. He knew he could do better with a proper camera. He always set his standards by three photographs he had taken a year or so ago. One was of a sunset, the second, of the moon, and the third, mountains. The photos had sucked him in, staring at them felt like you were there, the smell of the nighttime breeze or the evening's past rain clear. An invisible vortex had appeared in the centre, pulling his attention, an effect he`d never expereinced before.
Giyuu stood from his crouching position, then sighed. He`ll have to make do with what he can get. Turning around, he set off down the path, phone at the ready for any bird life he could spot. A rustle in the trees, a small crunch, the sound of heavy wings beating overhead, all these caused Giyuu to frantically spin around, head rotating on his neck and phone at the ready.
*****************************
Sabito was always ready to gasp out exclamations of praise for Giyuu`s photos, no matter how blurry or whether there was a marring reflection. The set of photos from Giyuu`s hike received no worse praise. He oohed and aahed, swiping and zooming in though the many photos taken. Giyuu sat next to him, wondering how on earth Sabito found the photos even slightly acclaimable. The starry eyed amazement on Sabito`s face confused him. Are they really that good? Sabito sat back and grinned, sparkling white, at the last photo.
“Now this is incredible.”
The image was of a bird in flight, silhoutted against the glaring sun, captured in action. The clear, bright cerulean of the sky brought out the deep black of the birds silhouette and blazing white-gold of the sun so that the image was sharp as a knife`s edge. Simple, three colours, one focal point, but the image burnt into Sabito`s irises and stuck. It was… indescribeable. There were no words to properly express how Sabito felt ; pride, awe, and a nameless feeling, a euphoric feeling that swirled around Sabito`s chest with golden glitter falling from its trail.
Sabito was suddenly rendered speechless, words and air blocking his throat. He gasped slightly and gripped the phone, tightness in his chest squeezing, suffocating. He turned to Giyuu and choked out a simple, strangled word, “Wow…”
The airblock ceased to exist and he huffed out a breath before drawing in another. Giyuu, face twisted in concern, rushed forward to pat his back and panickedly ask if he was alright.
Sabito, now beathing properly, responded with a laugh and a wave of his hand.
“Holy fuck, the photo had me in a heartlock. Your skills took my breath away,” He laughed, “You`re going to kill me, you`re too damn good at photography.”
Especially their first time. Two nervous, self-conscious young men, who only recently graduated highschool (5 days prior). Suddenly, things that had never been embarrassing became the most humiliating, fierce blushes blooming on their faces, even before the clothes were stripped away. They had wanted to, shall we say, consummate their relationship of 11 years for a good while, but waited until graduation for a proper celebration.
They sat on the edge of the bed, Giyuu biting his lip nervously and scrunching the sheets in his hands. Sabito was giving himself an internal pep-talk, boosting his confidence, reminding himself that they`ve seen, heard and know practically everything and that he shouldn`t worry. Giyuu worried that he wouldn`t do well, wouldn`t know what to do with his hands, his legs, his head, his eyes -whether to look at Sabito or not.
Sabito shared his worries, but was trying to soothe his jitters rather than increase them. He breathed deeply, about to say ‘Well, let's get this over with, shall we?’, when he mentally slapped himself. He cannot treat this as an inconvenience to rid himself of. It -and Giyuu- must be treated with care. He licked his bottom lip slowly, before turning and moving the pillows into a heap. A mountain to rest against. Giyuu should take the lead for this. He can… what`s the term… set his own pace. Right… uh. He breathed in and out shakily. The enormous pressure of what they were about to do loomed over him, giving not only their hearts but their bodies to each other.
Another mental slap. A strange realisation. A strange feeling washed over him. This didn`t need to be feared. Why were they so worried? They had told each other they were ready, just a few minutes ago, before that, weeks before. He turned, a sudden rush of adrenaline coursing through his veins. I better do something before I lose my nerve again. He turned to properly face Giyuu, his sweet, beloved Giyuu, his since they were children and barely knew what love was. He swallowed and spoke.
“Giyuu?” Sabito took care to place as much care and gentleness into his voice as possible. He shuffled closer, closing the distance. “I`m going to be completely honest with you. If you don`t want to do this, we don`t. It`s fine, really. If you do, that`s also fine,” He paused, “Look, I`m making a right mess of this and I`m really sorry, I have absolutely no idea what I`m doing but I know that I love you. That`s enough for me. I`ll try, I really will, and I`m sorry if… it`s not as great as… never mind, ignore that. I`m restarting, hang on.” Sabito put his head in his hands. I. Am. A. Complete. Fucking. Idiot.
Giyuu had his own mental dialogue. Nerves…FUCK this is scary, but I would like to try this at least once, before I die. Maybe I.. maybe I should just… Giyuu scooched to the side until their shoulders touched, then grabbed Sabito`s face with both hands and turned it forcefully, swooping in to lock their lips together.
Sabito`s eyes widened, hands collapsing in his lap. Maybe he has the right idea, he briefly thought before he practically jumped at Giyuu. Hands tangled in ebony locks, eyes shut, mouths open, licking into each other's mouths hungrily. The taste of sweet fruit from an earlier lunch lingered on their tongues, intoxicating and delicious.
Sabito didn`t know how he suddenly ended up with a topless Giyuu underneath him, pale hands under his own shirt, gripping his back, while Sabito only deepened the kiss, one hand on Giyuu`s cheek, the other awkwardly pushing him further up the bed so that their legs were no longer hanging off. The burning in his lungs from lack of air was nothing compared to the heat pooling in his abdomen, frenzy overtaking them both, composure dropping and hands roaming wherever they could reach. Faintly at the back of his mind, a small voice reminded him that there was a pile of pillows waiting for him at the top of the bed.
Heeding this, he grabbed Giyuu`s waist and flipped them over, pulling him in a rather undignified way until he felt his back meet soft cushion. Sabito couldn`t breathe. He couldn`t think. He had blacked out, yet every time he cracked his eyes open briefly, he was met with dark lashes on smooth skin, sharp nose pressing against his, and dark hair tangling with his. He noticed a strand of hair in his mouth, most probably Giyuu`s, and wondered when his hairtie had fallen out. No matter.
Finally breaking apart for air, Sabito`s chest heaved and he drew in a loud, gasping breath. Giyuu was no better, sitting on his lap, wheezing, with eyes wide, their sapphire darker than usual, pupils dilated. After considerable huffing and puffing, there was a small second in which they froze, time standing still until Sabito lunged forward to capture wet, pink lips in a sloppier kiss than before.
Sabito`s shirt disappeared and the skin on skin contact ignited pure, molten fire in his veins. A sigh escaped Giyuu`s lips, swallowed into Sabito`s starving mouth. Giyuu really did have the right idea…
***********************
Curled up, with his head on Sabito`s strong chest and his arms around him, Giyuu thought that there could be no more comforting feeling than this. Tired, sweaty (though Sabito tried his best with a wet face cloth (it was all he could manage to grab)) but thoroughly satisfied, he felt ready for a nice long sleep next to Sabito, where he hoped he`d always be. Naked, limbs tangled under the soft sheets and pillows back in their respective places, the only sound heard in the room was contented, slow breathing. He had to fight the sleepiness, though, since Sabito wanted to talk.
“Did you enjoy it?” Sabito asked, voice rough from tiredness and exertion.
“I`m pretty sure I made that clear earlier.” Giyuu chuckled, clearing his throat to rid himself of the rawness. His throat felt like sandpaper, he appeared to be very vocal during sex, to the great amusement of his idiot boyfriend.
“Water, please.”
A glass was handed to him, it`s contents cold and refreshing. He drained the glass, wiped his mouth and mumbled a thanks into Sabito`s warm chest.
“Mmmm,” Sabito stretched and sighed, “Sex really takes it out of you. Why did no-one tell me this?”
“I`m not bothered honestly. We`re gonna sleep so well.”
“Is sleep the only thing you can think about?”
“I`m exhausted. I thought plenty earlier.”
“To me it looked like you weren`t thinking at all. Your eyes were very unfocused, they rolled back quite frequently- owee!”
Sabito put a hand over his chest, pouting. “You hit me.”
“I did. You deserved it.” Giyuu untangled his legs and lay against Sabito, wrapping his arms around his waist.
“Another thing is, what are you supposed to call it? Stupid question, I know.”
Sabito quirked an eyebrow.
“Sex sounds formal, fucking sounds too casual. Making love sounds like… you're ignoring the subject in a way but it's fine I suppose.” Giyuu exhaled, embarrassed, “I'll just stick with sex. Ignore my nonsensical ranting.”
Sabito ran a hand through ebony locks, spilling over Sabito's chest, soft and silky, slightly sweaty from earlier. He tangled his fingers in them and pulled gently, before scraping his blunt nails softly against Giyuu's scalp in soothing, repetitive motions.
“You know I'll never ignore you. You know I never can.” A brief pause filled the room before Sabito spoke again, “I really don't care what we call it as long as we enjoy it. I'll stick to whatever name the mood calls for.”
“Good choice.” Giyuu said, stifling a yawn. He repositioned his head on Sabito's chest and listened to the steady heartbeat. The one he hoped would always be there, for him, however selfish it seemed. He never wanted Sabito to leave. Giyuu lifted his head, removed his arms and pulled the sheets up until they reached Sabito's neck, before shifting upwards so his head was next to his beloved’s. He softly kissed Sabito's cheek, lips brushing over the slightly stubbly skin. Sabito enveloped him with his arms, both twisting around each other, seeking warmth.
“Thank you, by the way. For taking over earlier.” Giyuu nuzzled into Sabito`s neck, mildly embarrassed.
“Huh? Oh. Oh, don`t thank me, it wasn`t a problem.” Earlier, when Giyuu`s hips had started to shake and his legs began to stutter and weaken, Sabito had surged forwards to knock Giyuu onto his back, and take the reins. Sabito usually was the one in charge, it made sense he would be in bed too.
He sighed dreamily, smiling softly. He finally let sleep begin to take him away.
“You did good, Giyuu.”
A smile and arms tightening around him.
“Good night, Sabito.”
‘Good night, Giyuu.”
“I love you.”
“I love you too.”
“Sleep well.”
“And you.”
“I love you.”
“I love you too.”
When it was their first flight on an aeroplane. Sabito pulled his suitcase behind him, backpack strapped on his shoulders and head whipping from side to side. The Tokyo airport was huge, it's sheer size making him nervous. There was an overall mood of adrenaline and hurry, people darted to and fro, carrying bags, suitcases, children. The weather outside was clear, sun shining, bird chirping, all that jazz, but yet he felt nervous. What if the plane crashes, what if a storm comes in, what if we're late and miss the flight, what if, what if…
“Sabito!” A loud call snapped him out of his panicked thoughts and he turned. Giyuu waved his arm at him in a ‘come here' gesture. He rushed over and apologized to him and the woman sitting behind the desk, shaped eyebrows raised and fake nails tapping on the table. Giyuu offered a pained smile and dug in his bag for the Ziplock bag that contained their documents. They decided Giyuu was the more organised one -well, the more rational one- before the trip and decided to keep all important documents in his bag.
Sabito glanced at his watch and hissed air through his teeth. They needed to start rushing now. Please, please don't let the flight be delayed.
They scampered through security (Sabito forgot to take off his belt and the machine beeped, causing him to fly into a panic), stood in queues for tickets or proof of ID or whatever the hell else (Sabito lost count), then hurried though the halls, past the eateries and shops (why the hell are there shops in airports? Who has time for those?), and eventually made it to the waiting room. Pulling his suitcase close to him, Sabito sat down heavily on one of the benches.
“Jeez. JEEZ. Why is flying such a hassle?” He snorted angrily, and ran a hand through his unruly peach hair. “We don't even have food.”
“Calm down, I'll be back in a minute.” Giyuu said mysteriously, before turning on his heel and heading for the door.
“Wait, where are you going?” Sabito exclaimed, face contorted with panic. “You can't leave me, I don't know where to go! You have all the documents!”
“I'm only going to the bathroom and to the food places. I'll run, I promise.” Giyuu grinned at him, blew him a kiss and ran out of the waiting room.
As he ran, he stared upwards at the hanging signs for the location of the bathroom. He followed three straight arrows, one left one and found himself at the men's. Realising he could've used the bathroom inside the waiting room, he tutted in irritation, nevertheless he used the bathroom in record time and sprinted down to a snack shop. Upon entering and opening a fridge door, he had a thought.
My fucking money. I FORGOT THE FUCKING MONEY.
Giyuu had never ran faster in his life. Careening though hordes of people, slipping and skidding though halls, he hightailed it back to the waiting room. Without even offering his surprised boyfriend a glance, he ripped his bag open and rifled through it, grabbing his wallet and sprinting away.
He shot past perfume shops, makeup stores, fast food brands and tourist gift shops. Running into the nearest convenience store, he grabbed water, snacks, a packet of sweets and some other things to eat. It was a relatively short flight so food wasn't included in the price and anything bought from the plane would be overpriced. Holding the items tightly, he hurried out of the shop, broke into a run for the 5th or 6th time today and went back to the waiting room.
Sabito sat there tapping his foot and looking out of the windows. The huge planes slowly rolled across the take-off strip, another on hitting the ground and speeding down the runway as it came back from its flight. He didn't want to leave all their stuff, you can't be too careful, you know.
************
Sabito breathed in shakily. Gripping Giyuu's hand like a vice, he walked into the plane. Cramped. Odd smell, clean but artificial. A friendly-looking air-hostess smiled and politely welcomed the two aboard. Giyuu smiled warmly at her and checked their tickets.
“G20 and 21.” He read aloud and began to walk.
“21? Which row is it on?” Sabito squeaked in a panic.
“G21. Sabito, don't worry, we’re next to each other. Come on, hold my hand, the seats are a little further down. The flight`s relatively empty, luckily there`s no-one next to us.”
Giyuu squeezed his panicked boyfriend’s hand affectionately and watched the numbers go past as he walked. There. He put his bag down and opened the hatch above his row. After storing their luggage, he snapped the hatch closed and sat down, easing into the uncomfortable seat.
Sabito shook slightly as he sat, eyes nervously flicking from the walkway to the seat in front, occupied by a woman with floral neck tattoos and dark hair coiled in a bun. He looked at the buttons above him, wondering what they all did. Leg bouncing, he took out the laminated sheet in the pocket of the seat and tried to read it.
“At least we know what to do if we crash, right?” His voice came out higher than he would`ve wanted and he let out a nervous giggle. “Not- not that we`re going to crash, right?”
Please tell me we`re not going to die. Please. I wanted to spend the rest of my life with Giyuu, I want to say goodbye to Sakonji, there`s no way I can die now… Giyuu`s hand in his brought him away from his own mind, Sabito didn`t know this, but to any passer-by he looked like he was about to either faint or have a heart-attack.
“Stop worrying, we`ll be alright. It`s only a 5-hour flight. I bought us some snacks and water, if you`re hungry.”
As touching as Giyuu`s concern was, Sabito thought he may well throw up at any attempts to eat. A tinkling sound rang out and a voice was heard from the speakers.
“It`s the pre-flight information thing.” Giyuu whispered, hand squeezing his. This was something Sabito musn`t miss, so he craned his head to look at the smartly-dressed air hostess holding up a yellow airmask and listened intently.
***************
The charged excitement in the cabin was palpable. Snippets of conversation flew through the air, all on the flight ready for takeoff. Well, all except the occupier of seat G21.
Shaky exhales, jittering hands, a sudden pressure on his bladder, dry mouth and a thundering heartbeat. Sabito was not enjoying this. Blood roared in his ears, and he bent over to cradle his head in his trembling hands. He inhaled. Held it. Exhaled. He stood up abruptly and scurried to the bathroom, offering an apologetic smile to the airhostesses. Pressure relieved, he went back to his seat, adjusted his seatbelt until it was perfect and leant back against the headrest, shivering. A hand slipped in-between his clasped ones and squeezed gently. Sabito lifted his gaze from the carpeted floor and met Giyuu`s soft gaze. He smiled, tilting his head slightly.
Giyuu leant in, like he was going to tell a huge secret, and scooched closer. He inhaled and whispered, “Your hand is really sweaty!”, dragging out the ‘really’.
Sabito couldn`t help himself, he giggled. Giyuu poked his cheek good-naturedly and loosened his seatbelt to properly squish himself against Sabito. The captain`s voice rang out, he sounded like a friendly chap, and Giyuu squeaked with excitement.
A rumble, and the plane began to move. Slowly, then the speed increased. Giyuu cheered under his breath. Sabito screamed internally. The plane was really speeding now, Sabito wondered if they`d even take off or just crash into the buildings.
Suddenly the plane tilted and Sabito`s stomach floated up to his lungs.
*******************
Wiping his mouth with his hand, Sabito closed the paper bag and sighed, leaning back against the seat. The airhostesses had been very kind to put up with him, smiling in a pitying way, one even sneaked him a bottle of ice-cold water to drink. She smiled and told him to sip the water slowly, telling him she`d check on him later. He was really very grateful to them. Most of all, Giyuu sat with his arm around him the whole time, rubbing his back gently.
“Sorry…” Giyuu mumbled.
“Why on Earth are you apologising? I should be the one saying sorry, I just threw up right next to you.” Sabito said huffily. Sometimes his boyfriend was a little too eager to be the guilty one.
“No, I should have asked you if you get travel sick-” Giyuu cut himself off. They`d grown up together, Giyuu knew everything about Sabito and he knew that Sabito did in fact not have travel sickness.
“Why-”
“The airhostess, the one that gave me water, said it`s cabin pressure.” Sabito said, teeth clenched and a grim expression on his face.
“Yeah, I`m gonna leave you alone now.” Giyuu made as to move away, but Sabito pulled him back.
“No, don`t leave me. You can`t leave, you`re too good at comforting me~” He wheedled, holding Giyuu firmly in place.
Giyuu sighed.
“What?” Sabito asked.
“I really gotta piss.”