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Lloyd does not have very many friends outside of the Ninja and their immediate associates. (Read: none)
That is not entirely his fault.
He grew up in an evil boarding school, freed the Serpentine and terrorized random villages on his quest to be evil, was magically aged up a few years, and has to save the world on basically a daily basis as the Green Ninja.
(It doesn’t really leave one with the most time to go out and explore the world. Or develop hobbies. Or really have a personality beyond being the “Green Ninja”)
And everyone he meets nowadays want to be friends with the Green Ninja — not Lloyd. Which is fair, he wouldn’t really want to be friends with Lloyd either.
But come on.
They could at least try to be less obvious about their intentions.
So, yes, Lloyd does not really have a life outside of being a Ninja. He’s made peace with this fact.
Well, except for two people that, as far as everyone else is aware, he doesn’t even remember exists. Not that he was actively keeping them a secret, of course. It’s just a little awkward to explain to people why his only two friends (the Ninja are practically family, they don’t count) are the ones that he made from Darkley’s Boarding School for Bad Boys.
Brad and Gene had definitely relaxed on the “evil” aspects of their lives. Though that didn’t mean they had suddenly become good.
They were still, fundamentally, Brad and Gene.
Which meant Brad mostly used his talents for dramatic flair and intimidation to run an aggressively pretentious flower shop in the city, while Gene dedicated himself to discovering increasingly creative interpretations of the law.
Unfortunately for Lloyd, spending time with them tended to drag out the parts of himself that he usually kept buried beneath the whole “heroic and responsible Green Ninja” thing.
While he might be the Green Ninja, he’s still Lloyd. The same kid who liked pranks, stupid jokes, and causing minor amounts of psychological distress for fun.
Emphasis on minor.
This does not mean that he is okay with breaking the law, GENE.
The other rolls his eyes, readjusting his glasses, “Quit being such a goody-two shoes, Lloyd. This is hardly breaking the law. Consider it more… using the provided loopholes.”
“Right. Loopholes. Cause that makes things sooo much better.” Lloyd snarks. He leans back on the counter, eyeing the other. “You cannot be encouraging this. This is insane”
Brad looks up from where he was organizing his latest order of flowers. Miraculously, the shop was empty despite it being midday. Although, that was probably for the best when one was discussing crime.
Brad raises his hands in the universal ‘don’t look at me’ gesture. “There’s a reason that Gene’s the one who’s studying to be a lawyer right now. If anyone knows anything about what we reasonably can and cannot do, it’s him. Also, I would like to point out that you technically break multiple laws on a daily basis as a Ninja. So.”
Well fuck you too, Brad.
Lloyd huffs in annoyance, turning back towards Gene. “This is still illegal.”
Gene scoffs from where he’s sprawled dramatically across the counter, one leg kicking idly in the air as he flips through a disturbingly thick binder labeled Municipal Ordinances and Other Fun Things. “Allegedly.”
“Gene—”
“I’m serious! There’s no law saying that you can’t release several dozen pounds of glitter into the mayor’s office ventilation system. I’ve checked. Multiple times too.”
“That sentence alone should tell you that this is a bad idea.”
“It is not my fault Ninjago City lawmakers lack imagination.”
“That’s because no one else is insane enough to think about doing such a thing that is quite obviously illegal.” Lloyd drags a hand down his face in exhaustion. “Do I even want to ask why you were even researching this.”
“Because,” Gene starts slowly, acting like he’s explaining something to a small child, “the mayor fined Brad two hundred dollars for an ‘unauthorized sidewalk floral display’” he finger quotes, then throws his hands up in exasperation. “Which we all know is absolute shit reasoning.”
“It was only one flower cart, too!” Brad protests from the back of the room, indignantly waving a bundle of multicolored roses in the air. “And it looked nice!”
“It did look nice,” Gene agrees darkly, “Which is why this is now a matter of principle.”
Lloyd groans, “Do not pretend that you are solely doing this out of the ‘goodness of your heart’.”
Gene stares up at Lloyd with the innocent expression of a puppy. “Whatever do you mean? I am simply discussing ways to get justice for the wrongs that were done to Brad.”
Brad perks up from the back, shouting. “I feel very wronged! And in need of justice!”
“You just want to get revenge cause he said that your hat was ugly. Like, three years ago.”
Gene lets out a little feral grin. “I don’t see why we can’t have both.”
Honestly, this was exactly why he kept forgetting Brad and Gene existed in the same mental category as “normal civilians.” Because normal civilians did not immediately jump to glitter terrorism over parking violations and fashion disasters.
Brad finally emerges from the back, carrying armfuls of what appear to be an order of wedding decorations. He pauses, noticing Lloyd’s staring. “What?”
“You’re enabling him.”
Brad shrugs easily, setting the bundles down. “I’m emotionally supporting him. Big difference.”
“There is absolutely not a difference.”
“See?” Gene sits up, poking Lloyd in the chest. “This is why no one invites you to do fun things anymore.”
“These ‘fun things’ are literally crime. Which I cannot be seen doing.”
“Come onnn” Brad drags out. “Live a little! What’s a little slightly-maybe-illegal activities between friends?”
“Two words. Green. Ninja.”
“That’s quitter talk.”
Lloyd snorts despite himself.
Which pretty much sums up their relationship.
Gene comes up with some sort of hairbrained scheme, Brad encourages the idea and adds the dramatics, and Lloyd “begrudgingly” gets dragged along for the ride.
He really shouldn’t be entertaining this.
However, Brad and Gene had this absolutely terrible ability to drag him backwards in time. Back before destiny and prophecies and world-ending threats. Back when his biggest concern had been whether or not Darkley’s would trace that exploding soda incident back to them.
In fairness, hiding Mentos compartments inside every cafeteria soda can had been objectively hilarious.
(Sure, most observers still spoke about the event with the thousand-yard stare of war survivors, but that hardly felt like his fault.)
They had gotten detention for a month afterwards, though.
Worth it.
“You’re smiling,” Gene says suspiciously.
Lloyd immediately wipes the expression off of his face. “No I’m not.”
“Yes, you are. Brad, he’s doing that the weird fond expression thing again.”
Brad gasps softly, clutching his imaginary pearls. “Awww. He loves us.”
“I tolerate you,” Lloyd replies automatically.
Brad beams. “Close enough.”
Gene slides a piece of paper toward Lloyd with the slow confidence of someone who already knows he’s won. “And as someone who merely ‘tolerates’ us, you obviously wouldn’t have a problem helping us get into city hall.”
Lloyd stares down at the paper. Then back up at Gene.
“Absolutely not.”
Gene holds up a hand before Lloyd can continue. “Counterpoint: the mayor is trying to start making the Ninja pay property damage taxes.”
Lloyd blinks.
“What.”
Gene nods solemnly, while Brad doubles over the counter, the shaking in his shoulders betraying his true emotions.
“What do you mean, property damage taxes?”
“You know.” Gene waves a hand vaguely. “Repair fees. Infrastructure penalties. Financial accountability for excessive destruction of public property—”
“We save the city!”
“And apparently the city would now like compensation for that.”
“What the actual hell?”
That must show on his face, because Gene’s grin widens in real time — slow and deeply, deeply evil.
“Think about it, Lloyd,” he says lightly. “The paperwork alone would kill you.”
Lloyd’s eye twitches.
“No more convenient ‘Ninja business’ excuses. You’d need forms. Reports. Itemized damage estimates.”
“Oh my FSM.”
“Spreadsheets, Lloyd.”
Lloyd points at him accusingly. “You’re evil.”
“Thank you.”
Brad snorts from behind the counter, not even pretending to hide it anymore.
Gene pushes his glasses back up his nose, expression smug. “See, now you’re understanding why this is a matter of civic responsibility.”
“No, I’m understanding why you’re going to become Ninjago’s most unethical lawyer.”
“Correction: technically ethical. Legally ethical. Morally—”
“Horrifying?”
“Flexible.”
Lloyd groans, dragging both hands down his face.
When Gene puts it like that…
— — — — —
“Why did I let you talk me into this?” Lloyd screeches as quietly as humanly possible.
“Think about all the wrongs we’re righting,” Brad whispers from below. “Like my fine.”
“And the taxes,” Gene adds darkly.
“Right, I’ll just keep that in mind while I scale a government building to commit breaking and entering,” Lloyd mutters. “Fantastic morale boost, guys.”
Gene pats the side of the building supportively. “You’re doing great, sweetie.”
Lloyd flips him off without looking.
A few seconds later, he reaches the window ledge with significantly less grace than he would ever admit to. He braces one foot against the frame and snaps the cheap latch with practiced ease before sliding the window open.
Honestly, the security at city hall was kind of embarrassing.
He slips inside silently, crouching low as he scans the dark office. Empty. No guards, no alarms, no sign that anyone had noticed the Green Ninja actively committing crimes against local government.
He’s not usually this lucky. FSM, please let this be a lucky day.
Lloyd crosses back to the window and pokes his head outside. “All clear.”
Brad gives him a mocking salute as he starts to scale the wall himself, Gene following behind a second later. Brad swings himself over the ledge, taking a moment to survey the room. Lloyd leans over the ledge to offer Gene a hand, which he begrudgingly takes as the ninja pulls him up.
Gene brushes himself off before rummaging through the small bag slung across his back. He pulls out several handfuls of glitter packets, all shimmering with deeply threatening intent. He passes some to Lloyd and Brad before keeping a few for himself.
Lloyd stares down at the packets in horror. “Why are there so many of them? Who in the world is supplying you with so much glitter? There is no way you could legally buy that much.”
“We did not come all this way to not make a statement.” Gene states as he reaches in to unscrew the vents, dumping the packets right in front of the fans in the interior. “Also my dealer has the right to retain his privacy.”
“... Are we sure that it’s safe to use this much glitter?”
“It’s biodegradable. Everyone will be fine. Now start placing these on top of the ceiling fans”
Lloyd sighs, grabbing a few chairs and balancing them precariously in order to line the tops of the fans with glitter. He climbs down cautiously, spotting Brad reentering through the window with a suspiciously large and misshapen bag.
Lloyd watches in growing alarm as Brad pulls out an entire floral arrangement from it like some sort of magician.
“Brad,” he whispers harshly. “Why in the world did you bring flowers?!”
“For the vibes,” Brad says simply, as if that explained everything. He continues on, emptying the flowers currently in residing in a glass vase and rearranging the ones he’s bought instead.
Gene notices what he’s doing and immediately throws a pen at his head to get his attention.
Brad hisses as it smacks his hand instead. “What?”
Gene gestures vaguely at the bouquet. “Just… why?”
Brad looks personally offended by the question. “Because presentation matters.” He delicately adjusts one of the flowers. “Also, these mean ‘fuck you’ in flower language.”
Gene pauses, considering this. “Carry on.”
Lloyd looks between them incredulously. “Wait, no. We are not leaving the mayor “Fuck you’ flowers. That is definitely crossing a line in legality somewhere.”
Brad maintains direct eye contact as he very deliberately places a violently sparkly card reading fuck you ♡ in elegant cursive on top of the arrangement.
“Oh my FSM,” Lloyd mutters, dragging both hands down his face. “Our fingerprints are going to be everywhere. We are so getting arrested.”
Gene scoffs from where he’s busy dumping more glitter into every single cabinet and drawer in sight. “Who’s going to arrest the Green Ninja? Also, it would take a miracle to extract our prints when literally everything in this office is coated in glitter.”
That is… unfortunately, not the least unreasonable thing Gene has ever said.
Although that doesn’t stop him from wondering if they’re missing something.
Lloyd grumbles under his breath as he wanders towards the mayor’s desk, trying very hard not to acknowledge the fact that he was currently participating in what would probably be considered as domestic terrorism.
His gaze catches on a crooked stack of folders near the edge of the desk. One of them is labeled, in absolutely horrific chicken scratch to spell what looks suspiciously like TAX THE NINJA.
… Surely the mayor would have better handwriting than that.
Also, hell no.
This is absolutely not happening.
Before he can think too hard about it, Lloyd snatches the folder and flips through the documents inside.
Brad peers over his shoulder at the documents inside. “Those seem important.”
“Not anymore.” Lloyd mutters.
With an unhinged grin that he would later deny using, Lloyd grabs a pair of scissors and starts cutting letters out of the forms. If they were already breaking into city hall to glitter bomb the mayor’s office, then he at least refused to finish this operation without leaving his own mark.
He rearranges the letters carefully across the floor before decorating the edges with several green carnations borrowed (stolen) from Brad’s stash and whatever green glitter Gene still had left.
DON’T TAX THE PEOPLE WHO SAVE YOUR CITY. THEY WILL REMEMBER THIS.
Lloyd leans back to examine it critically.
Yeah… that sounds threatening enough.
Although maybe he shouldn’t be decorating a vaguely menacing warning using his signature color.
Eh. Too late now.
Besides, the mayor would probably be too distracted by the inevitable glitter explosion to analyze the reasons behind the aesthetic choices of his threatening ransom-note collage.
Lloyd glances toward the clock on the wall, nearly recoiling when he realizes they’ve somehow spent over an hour already in the mayor’s office. Honestly, the mayor kinda deserves this if his security was bad enough to let three idiots wander around inside for over an hour.
He straightens quickly, motioning for Brad and Gene to wrap things up.
“Alright, come on,” he whispers urgently. “We need to leave before our luck runs out.”
Gene tosses one final pack of glitter into a desk drawer for good measure before zipping his bag shut.
Brad gives the flower arrangement one last delicate adjustment.
Lloyd opens the window and climbs back onto the ledge first, already regretting every decision that had somehow led him to this exact moment in life.
Still, as Brad and Gene bicker quietly behind him while climbing down the wall, Lloyd can’t quite suppress the stupid grin tugging at the corner of his mouth.
By the time they make it back to the flower shop, all three of them are one wrong look away from completely losing it.
Brad disappears into the back room for a moment before reemerging with a shining bottle of champagne held triumphantly above his head.
“I believe this deserves a little celebration.”
Gene lets out an approving hum as Brad pours each of them a small amount into mismatched champagne flutes.
“To justice,” Gene declares solemnly, raising his glass.
“To spite,” Brad corrects.
Lloyd snorts before lightly clinking his glass against theirs. “To never doing this again.”
Neither of them sound particularly convinced as they echo the sentiment.
Lloyd doesn’t really believe it either (they all know that he’d do this again in a heartbeat.)
But that’s hardly the point.
They’d see tomorrow morning just how successful this little venture had been.
Whether that was on the news or while in handcuffs remained to be seen.
— — — — —
“Breaking News!
The mayor’s office has been the subject of what officials are currently classifying as an act of domestic terrorism after unknown culprits vandalized the office, released unidentified substances into the ventilation system, and left behind what investigators describe as ‘multiple threatening messages’ directed at the mayor.
At this time, the authorities have not released any information regarding the motive behind the attack nor the identities of those involved. Citizens are advised to avoid the area while the police continue processing the scene. Individuals living nearby are also being advised to wear masks, as glitter particles have reportedly spread beyond the immediate vicinity.”
The screen cuts to footage of city hall.
Every visible surface gleams ominously beneath a thick coating of glitter. The surrounding sidewalks shimmer in the morning sun like a craft store had detonated in the middle of downtown Ninjago.
“This has been Gayle Gossip from NGTV News. Now, onto this morning’s regularly scheduled programming…”
Kai takes a slow sip of coffee, leaning against the kitchen counter as he watches the broadcast. “…Domestic terrorism feels a little dramatic,” he mutters.
Across the kitchen, Zane pauses briefly from making breakfast. “I believe the toxic substance in question was glitter.”
“Yeah, see? That’s just arts and crafts.”
Zane flips a pancake neatly. “Dangerous arts and crafts.”
Kai snorts before glancing around the room. “Hey, did you hear Lloyd leave this morning? I was checking in on the kiddo earlier and he wasn’t in his room.”
Zane frowns slightly. “Not this morning, no. In fact…” He pauses. “I do not believe he even returned last night.”
That son of a—
Kai groans, setting his mug down with a harsh clank. “That kid is going to be the death of me, I swear.” He drags a hand down his face. “What is he even doing sneaking around all night?”
Zane shrugs lightly. “To be fair, we have not historically been the best role models regarding secret nighttime activities.”
Kai sputters indignantly. “What—no. That’s completely different.”
Zane raises an eyebrow.
Kai opens his mouth, fully prepared to deliver what would have undoubtedly been a flawless rebuttal, when the television abruptly cuts back in.
“Breaking News!
A surprising new development has arisen in the mayor’s office case. Security footage recovered from the building appears to show the perpetrators entering the office late last night.
The authorities have since raided a flower shop in downtown Ninjago connected to the suspects and have taken the individuals involved into custody.”
“What idiot doesn’t destroy the security footage—” Kai begins with a groan, before freezing mid-sentence.
Because the screen abruptly fills with footage of Lloyd.
Being escorted into a police car.
In.
Fucking.
Handcuffs.
And absolutely covered head-to-toe in glitter.
The mug slips from his hand and shatters across the floor.
“What. The. Actual. Fuck.”
Beside him, Zane slowly lowers the spatula in silent horror.
On-screen, Gayle continues speaking with the exact level of enthusiasm she should absolutely not be using for this situation.
“Currently, the Green Ninja and two of his former classmates from the now-defunct Darkley’s Boarding School for Bad Boys are considered the prime suspects in the attack. The Ninjago City Police Department has declined to comment further at this time.”
Kai clicks the remote, shutting down the TV and leaving them in a moment of tense silence. Neither says a word, the stupor only broken by the too-cheerful chirping of the birds outside.
“ARE YOU KIDDING ME?!”
He grabs the nearest jacket and bolts for the door so fast he nearly slips on his spilled coffee.
“Lloyd did WHAT?!”
“Kai, wait—”
Too late.
“DAMN IT!”
Kai fumbles for his communicator while sprinting outside.
“GUYS! MASTER WU! LLOYD DID SOMETHING STUPID AGAIN!”