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Muffled are the fallen leaves rustled with the howl of the wind as birds chirped in the distance, accompanied by wheels scrunching against the snow-quilted asphalt in the face of the cafe's glass windows.
The jingle of the wooden door chimes and the music being played in the cafe's speakers did nothing to pull Scaramouche out of his mind, which was running a marathon between confidence large enough to be considered a delusion, or wanting to shoot himself.
His hands were stuffed in the pocket of his black coat, knee bouncing like a rabbit. The americano bittered to the point of violating the tongue of a sane person remain untouched on the surface of the table, along with a small box lacquered in velvet and wrapped in a golden, silk ribbon.
Scaramouche's thoughts were more distant than he and his mother are—one side pestering him that his decision was a mistake and he should backtrack, one side comforting him with the suggestion that he gets the burdensome feeling off his chest and let him breath.
Alas, everything dissipated into dust when his eyes followed the sound of the door chime ringing for the nth time.
And just like always—traitorous is the heart that foolishly thumped against his ribs as if it wanted to escape and lunge at the teal-haired man approaching him, scarf nearly swallowing his whole head as snow was sprinkled on his hair like powdered sugar on burnt plum pudding.
"So, you wanted to talk?" Xiao sat across from the indigo-haired, quickly taking off his scarf and earmuffs before immediately snacking on the almond tofu that Scaramouche bought for him in advanced, not even bothering with his manners.
But can you blame him? The closer people are, the more plastic pleasantries wither out to make way for genuine comfort.
"Uhm, yeah." Scaramouche's voice came out more rushed than he intended, causing Xiao to raise a brow in the middle of chewing.
"Something bothering you?"
'Fuck you and your emotionally perceptive mind.' The indigo-haired internally panicked, but tried to swallow it down and gently slid the small box to the direction of the other, who immediately took interest in it and glanced at him as if asking for permission to open it.
"Do what you want with it." Scaramouche took a sip of his beverage, but his mildly shaking hand caused a few drops to fall to his coat. It was from the nervousness, but Xiao shrugged it off that it was the cold.
Inside lies a necklace as gold as Xiao's eyes, there's a pearl with the initial A.X. engraved on it with two teal feathers dangling on either side.
The other male risked a glance, and the tension in his muscles seem to finally leave upon seeing the teal-haired's face light up.
"Where did you get this?" Xiao asked, eyes still focused on the accessory as he held it up to admire it more. Scaramouche cleared his throat. "It's custom-made. Paid, like, a million for that—or whatever-"
But just as he was about to drone off about the price and how precious it was, words died in his throat when the other's face contorted into a sad frown.
"Scara, you know that I can't pay you back in large amounts..." Xiao mumbled as he looked down at the necklace. Just as he was about to put it back in the box, Scaramouche's voice burst.
"Don't!"
Suddenly, the eyes of every person in the shop turned to them.
Realizing his now made obvious panic, he tried to downplay it. "It's not really that expensive, and you don't need to pay me back."
"But-"
"Shut it." Scaramouche hissed, face already burning red. "You better wear that or I'm going to strangle you with it."
Xiao, amused at his friend's embarrassment, left the current issue alone and changed the topic. "Well, did you call me just to give me this necklace?"
"...no."
"Then what?"
"I...uhh..." Scaramouche, who always had something mostly mean to say, is at a loss for words. "Just wanted to see how you're doing. That's all."
"...you are so full of shit and it's only seven in the morning." Xiao deadpanned. "Give me an actual reason for making me wake up early on a Saturday."
"Ugh, you're impossible." He dragged a hand down his face with a low groan. "Fine."
"Xiao."
The teal-haired was about to take another bite of his food, but stopped when he heard Scaramouche speak his name in a serious tone.
"Are you seeing anyone lately? In a romantic sense, I mean."
"No, not really. Why?"
The indigo-haired male took a deep breath.
It's now or never.
"...remember how we first met?"
Xiao blinked, caught off guard by the sudden softness in Scaramouche's voice. Still not sure where this was going, he played along.
"You found me near the school garden during that festival three years ago, right? The crowd was too much for me at the time."
"Yeah."
"And then you ditched your council duties. Lazy, uptight jerk that you are—"
"Okay, now you're just running your mouth."
"—and that's where we found Kiyo, when she was just a stray kitten."
Scaramouche rolled his eyes, deliberately ignoring the jab. "Oh, yeah. How is she now? Haven't seen her in a while."
"She's with dad back in Liyue Harbor. The dorms don't allow pets."
Silence curled around them like the steam from the hot drinks.
"You were a jerk back then, I remembered how often we nearly punched each other." Xiao mused. "But then you broke down when we were doing a paired project in your mansion."
"Okay, you didn't have to add the last part." The indigo-haired scowled. "And it's not my fault you kept persisting on what's with the shit between me and my mother. Blame it on her for making me have this ass personality."
"I don't think that." Xiao responded almost immediately. "I mean, you're definitely an asshole—"
"Watch it." Scaramouche warned.
"-but I don't think you're that bad of a person." The teal-haired ignored him. "Not until we talked like civilized people back then, at least."
"..."
Now that he said all of that, how is he supposed to get these words out of his throat?
Scaramouche sighed, deciding to just gamble everything on this day.
"Xiao, for three years, you've been...one of the few people I actually feel like I can be myself with." He started, closing his eyes thinking that he won't see his embarrassment. "All those time we spent together has been disgustingly happy for me, and I—"
"Are you dying?" Xiao looked almost concerned.
"No, you idiot! I'm fucking confessing to you!" Scaramouche whisper screamed as he slammed his palm on the table, ears redder than the strawberry-flavored confection decorated on the teal-haired's almond tofu.
"For three years, every damn time I see you smile at someone else, it makes me feel like shit!" The words tore out of him, raw and fast. "I hate you for catching my attention, for being so damn unpredictable, for barging into my life and stealing my focus. I can't even study unless I know you'll be there, cheering like an idiot!"
Now this was definitely what actually woke Xiao up instead of the measly hot chocolate.
Scaramouche's breath hitched. His voice softened, breaking at the edges while his gaze dropped. "...and I hate you for making me wish you'd call me something more than just your best friend."
Xiao blinked. Once, twice, then stared—mentally and emotionally trying to catch up to the barrage of words fired at him. His spoon hovered halfway to his mouth, almond tofu trembling but untouched.
The silence stretched, heavy and unbearable. Scaramouche's stomach twisted.
"What, cat got your tongue?" He snapped, ears burning. "Or did my heartfelt confession break your brain?"
"...yeah." The teal-haired exhaled, muscles awake from the tension. He fidgeted with the ceramic spoon, nails tapping to a rhythm ambiguous whether for grounding or to ease the awkwardness.
But if Xiao felt awkward, then Scaramouche is in a far worse state.
Words were smudged in his racing mind as he held his head in his hands, heart thumping but this time in need to run to the street and hope a car runs it over.
'Surely, this has to be a mistake. I knew it—should've kept it all bottled and hope it leaves. For once, I desperately wanted something to abandon me.'
'All those four years went down the drain all because I couldn't control my emotions—the same ones I've always called weak and bothersome.'
'I really do ruin everything precious to me.'
"Listen—" Scaramouche tried to backtrack, his throat closing in on itself as he tries to hold back his tears. "If you don't feel the same, just say so—I didn't mean to make things awkward between us, so—"
"No." Xiao firmly cut him off. "It was just...sudden. I needed a few seconds to process it."
"And why is that?" The indigo-haired raised a brow, sassy yet sinking back into his seat. "What, thinking about how to word your rejection?"
It was rude and obnoxious, yes.
But the only way he was taught how to dull his pain is to make others feel worse.
Yet in this moment, Scaramouche could see the small smile Xiao has as he put the necklace on.
"I...reciprocate."
If the indigo-haired didn't see the red dusting the other's cheeks, he would've thought it was a prank.
"Seriously?"
"Yes."
"Then why didn't you at least hinted at something?!"
"I thought all that shit you pulled was something best friends do?"
"Xiao, I literally ran to your dorms when you texted me you were sick instead of going to the social party my mom forced me to attend. In the rain, in a damn suit."
"I thought it was you being nice."
"I even turned a blind eye on every single violation you did on the school policy back in high school when I was the secretary of the student council!"
"I didn't do them on purpose!"
Scaramouche stared at Xiao then huffed—half-blissful, half-disbelieving.
"Is this Celestia's divine punishment to me for making me fall for a socially clueless idiot."
"You never cease to amaze me with your rudeness. Keep it up."
Scaramouche let out a relieved sigh as he rested his cheek on his palm, eyes now freely ogling at Xiao's face instead of stealing glances like he always had.
Xiao, on the other hand?
He went back to eating.
As if they didn't just lay out their hearts bare.
"...you're eating." The indigo-haired blinked.
"Uhh, yeah?"
"I just confessed and you're eating."
"Listen, man, you'd bite my head off if I didn't ate everything you ordered for me."
"Don't you 'man' me—we're literally going out now!"
"Why do you always have to complain about everything?!"