Work Text:
Serena
(on the phone) Hello? Is that the writing team? What part of 'I need some romance, today’ are you struggling to script? … Hello? *lowers phone in despair*
Bernie
Sex drive been howling or pining? Any promising whiff of hot or scorching new interns?
Serena
*harrumphs* Define ‘promising’.
Bernie
*casts a cursory look over the scene, and adopts a stern, yet ever-so-slightly amused, tone* Oh dear! Middle-aged female character bed-death may have descended.
Serena
Sounds bad. *grimaces*
Bernie
Tis, if you ever want your heart to beat faster again.
Serena
Funny, you don’t look like the sodding hacks. Well, apart from that strange contraption you have there. 'Gaydar beam, ’ eh?
Bernie
Oh, I’m not a writer; *laughs saucily* I’m your new love interest. *extends a perfect, elegant hand, with telltale shortly-clipped fingernails. Serena’s normally so observant of the finer details of grooming. How could she have missed this, not registered what it might mean?*
Serena
Ah, you must be Berenice Wolfe! Serena Campbell. *gives off frantic, yet unconscious, eyebrow action while shaking hands … now glancing down and gesturing hastily at the peculiar gun-like gadget poised between Bernie’s fingers. Oh, those fingers!* … I think you’re meant to point it.
Bernie
No, ha ha … I’ve had this old thing for two years. The writers made me take it when I left the Dr Who set. So I tore up every dress I had, just started wearing trench coats and skinny jeans, and cultivating a hoarse, adorably dorky manner. No idea how this thing works, *peering at the gun* … but I thought I’d keep it as a symbol … of my sapphic appeal, my future queer icon status. *looks skywards, in mock innocence*
Serena
As seduction tools go, it’s a bit pants - you know, stuck on 'Yes of course you are, Bernie,’ as it is. Set it to 'Slay the straight girl’, however, and who knows what could happen …?
Bernie
Ooh, now that would go really nicely with some lingering looks and killer smiles *wistful grin, and the first of innumerable, highly gif-able hair swishes*
Serena
Oh dear, those writers are clearly going to sacrifice all vestiges of heterosexuality.
Bernie
Ha, I wish you’d tell them to hurry up about it!