Chapter Text
Life for Cloud Strife was nothing out of the ordinary. He had dreams of becoming a SOLDIER when he was younger, but that all fell apart when his mother got sick. He stayed in the village to take care of her and ended up working as an apprentice for the local blacksmith for most of his teen years.
His mother always tried getting him to chase his dreams, but he always shut that conversation down, insisting that his only dream was for her to get better. He was fine with giving up on his dreams for his mother because, at the end of the day, she was all he had.
He can always try becoming a SOLDIER in the future, but he can't get a new mom.
By the time he became an adult, his mother's health had only gotten worse. Most days, she couldn't even stomach the food he'd make her. But she never lost hope in getting better, so Cloud never let his fears get the better of him.
And it wasn't all bad.
There were days when her health didn't keep her from moving around. She'd help Cloud with the groceries and would always spend an hour chatting away with the grocer's daughter while Cloud did all the shopping.
("Now, Cloud, I might be sick, but I can carry a few bags," His mom insisted as she tried taking the grocery bag from him.
Cloud pulled it away from her before she could, shaking his head and nodding towards the grocer's daughter. He can't remember her name—Sage, maybe?—but she was always kind to his mother in comparison to the other villagers.
"No, ma. You're doing well today, and I don't want you wearing yourself out. I'm sure she can use some company, yeah?"
And Sage seems to pick up on what Cloud was putting down, because she was approaching his mom with a book in hand, guiding her over to a seat behind the counter while drawing her into conversation.
His mother lit up like a star, and Cloud could only stare for a few moments. She seemed tired, and he could see the weight of her sickness bearing down on her. But she never let it show. She was being strong for him, so he had to be strong for her.
She'll get better.)
And when it was a particularly slow day in the village, Tifa would stop by to spend the night. Tifa was one of the few people here that he considered to be his friend. Sure, not everyone was rude to him and his mother, but he knew they were really only nice out of pity.
But not Tifa, no.
His mother loved it when she'd visit. She would always joke about how they'd make a cute couple one day, and both Tifa and Cloud would awkwardly laugh the comment off. Cloud wished he could give his mother what she wanted, but Tifa didn't like him like that. Tifa didn't like men at all.
Cloud had always viewed her as the sister he never had, too, so the thought of dating her was weird.
Tifa is the only person he trusts to be alone with his mother as well. When Cloud had to work later than usual, he'd always make a quick stop at her home to ask her to sit with his mom until he got home, and she was always willing to help out.
("I'm home!" Cloud calls out, brushing off the snow sticking to his hair as he shrugs his coat off. The snow outside was thick, and he was quick to close the door behind him so that the cold air wouldn't drown out the warmth from the fireplace.
There are a few moments of silence before he hears Tifa's voice from the kitchen, followed by his mom letting out a soft laugh.
After taking his boots off and hanging his coat up, Cloud made his way to the kitchen to find his best friend mixing cake batter while telling his mom about something that happened with her dad recently. Whatever the story was, it must've been funny, because he's not sure he's seen his mom laugh so hard.
Not in a while now, at least.
His mom perks up when she sees him, and she goes to stand up, but Cloud is quick to her side, gently pushing her back down into the chair. She gives him a loose hug, "How was work?"
"The usual," He mumbles in response, his gaze flickering to Tifa and the cake batter she was mixing.
Tifa picked up on his silent question, setting the bowl down to grab a cake pan, "Oh, well, Ms. Stri-"
"Claudia," His mom is quick to correct, earning a small laugh from Tifa.
"Claudia was telling me how she hasn't had cake in a while, and we both know you couldn't bake one to save your life, so I thought I'd make one for her." She explains, setting the cake pan down.
And… yeah. He remembers his mom lamenting about wanting cake for a few weeks now. He told himself he was going to teach himself how to bake one when he had time to spare, but here Tifa was, doing it instead. It would've stung a bit, had his mother not looked so content.
The three of them spent time together like this often, but… his mother was getting weaker and weaker as the months went on. He's just freaking himself out; he knows that, but… he finds himself clinging to moments like this.
He thinks he might invest in getting a camera to immortalize these moments.
Just in case.)
When Cloud turned 21, his mother's health got worse. He wasn't an apprentice for the blacksmith anymore and had instead opted to work at the general store. The hours were better, and he was allowed to take home anything that didn't sell.
His mother was completely bedridden now. She barely had the strength to even sit up in bed most days, and he'd always find her napping more often than not. It hurt seeing her like this. The life in her seemed to fade with each passing day, and all he could do was watch.
Even so, she never broke down. Even when he did, sobbing at her side, clutching her hand like a lifeline as he begged her to get better. She never cried, never even complained about her health. She just placed her hand atop his and smiled.
"Everything will be okay," She had said, bringing her hand up to wipe away his tears, "Even though I might not be here much longer, you won't have to worry. You have Tifa by your side, and you'll meet someone you'll want to spend the rest of your life with."
And Cloud argued. What's the point of growing up if she won't be there to see it? What's the point of making memories, of falling in love, of anything, if she won't be there to witness any of it?
These questions rang loud in his mind even now, as he stared down at the grave of his mother. Claudia Strife, beloved mother. All that's left of her is a block of stone and a son who felt as though his world ended with her.
"Cloud?" The sound of Tifa's voice snaps him out of his thoughts, memories of his mother blurring until nothing remains as he looks up from her grave to address his friend.
His voice didn't want to come out, but he forced a small grunt of acknowledgement. He thinks that if he spoke, he'd break down. He promised his ma that he wouldn't cry over her, no matter how much it hurt to do so. That's a promise he intended to keep.
The red-eyed woman offers a sympathetic smile and offers her hand to him, "C'mon, the Chocobos are getting restless, and I wanna be gone before sundown."
Ah… right…
Tifa had been planning to leave Nibelheim for a while now. It'd always been a dream of hers to head to Midgar and start up a business there. She never really gave much thought to what kind of business; she just… wanted to go. It reminded him of himself, back when he was a kid. His dream to join SOLDIER, before everything had happened.
That dream leaves a bitter feeling in his chest.
She had brought up the idea of Cloud going with her, a week before his mom… well…
He had turned her down immediately. The idea of leaving Nibelheim had always been an appealing one, sure. The place never felt like home, and the villagers would no doubt rejoice in his departure if he ever did leave. But he couldn't, not when his mom needed him.
Tifa never pressed him on the matter again, though it was pretty obvious that his decision disappointed her. Had circumstances been different, he would've jumped at the opportunity to go with her.
How sad it is to lose his mother and then, not even a few days after her funeral, his best friend had to leave as well.
Cloud doesn't take her hand, but he does step away from his mother's grave. The sky was cloudy, and it looked like it would start pouring soon, so he could understand why Tifa wanted to leave before it did.
The walk back to the village was quiet; neither of the two spoke a word. The only sound that filled the silence was the occasional chirp of a bird or the snap of a twig as they walked.
But after a few moments, Tifa finally speaks up, "You sure you don't want to come with me?"
She spoke quietly, as if she feared speaking any louder would break Cloud. And maybe it would, but it doesn't make him feel any better.
"I can't leave, Tifa," He quietly replies. The burning in his throat never went away. His gaze stays glued to the ground as they walk, trying to think of anything. Anything other than the memory of his mom's smile, and the fact that he'll never get to hear her voice again.
"But you can. I can stay another day to help you pack, and–"
"Tifa," Cloud's voice cuts off his friend, and he looks up from the ground to meet her gaze. He's not trying to be mean. Tifa doesn't deserve to be yelled at; she's done nothing wrong. But his emotions were all over the place, and if he couldn't be sad, then he wanted to be angry. Anger would keep the tears away.
But all the anger he felt refused to surface.
All he could muster was a quiet, pathetic, "I can't."
The emotions he can't put into words must've been clear in his expression, because Tifa falters.
Silence hangs heavy in the air, and it is suffocating.
Then, a quiet, "Okay."
Tifa understood, and that's all he wanted. Of course she'd understand; she'd gone through the same thing when she was a kid.
"Okay," He echoes quietly, and they begin to walk again.
By the time they made it back to the center of Nibelheim, the sun was only starting to set. Many people were out and about taking care of chores, and kids were running around laughing and playing. Though everyone would spare glances at Cloud as he passed by, and he didn't miss the hushed whispers.
Poor boy, losing his mother like that.
He looks so miserable.
Maybe now that Claudia has passed, he'll leave.
Oi, stop staring! Let him grieve in peace. Get back to work.
He's used to people whispering about him and his mom. It's been that way since he was a kid, since his dad up and abandoned them. Were he any younger, he'd probably blame everything that's happened in his life on him. But it's hard to blame someone he never knew, and his mom always said they were better off without his father anyway.
Tifa is quick to glare at anyone whispering. Even though he's told her countless times that he didn't care what people had to say about him, she never let anyone get away with it. It was nice, in a way. He'll miss her.
"I'm here for you if you ever need anything," Tifa says once they stop in front of his house. She sounded sincere, and he knew he was. She'd go to the ends of the world for him, and it made him feel…
Sick.
His only response is a slight hum, and she grabs his arm gently, forcing him to turn and face her. He doesn't meet her gaze, though, staring absently at the water tower behind her instead.
"I'm serious, Cloud. You're not alone." She stresses. It's clear that she wasn't going to drop this until he accepted her words, and he just really wanted to curl up in his bed for a few hours.
"I know," He mutters, "You'll be just a letter away."
"I'll be a call away, Cloud. I got you a phone, remember? That way, if anything happens, you can contact me immediately."
"Yeah, yeah," He pulls his arm away from her, his tone sounding harsher than he intended, but she didn't seem fazed. If anything, she seems to accept that as the end of the conversation, letting her hand fall to her side as she offers him a small smile.
"I'm gonna miss you, y'know. I'll make sure to call a lot, so you keep that phone on you at all times." She steps away as she speaks, and Cloud's only now noticing the Chocobo wagon at the village's entrance as she steps back towards it.
Tifa is waving at him, and his hand twitches for a moment. He clenches his fist and steps into his home before he can see her leave.
The silence that greets him is almost enough to make him go back outside. The only light in the home was the light of the sky outside, but that wasn't a lot considering it was cloudy. It'd be dark in another hour, too, so soon enough the entire place will be dark. It's not something he cares about, so he doesn't bother turning on any lights or setting up candles.
Kicking off his boots, he trudges through the empty home. He shrugs his coat off when he reaches the hallway, and it lands somewhere on the floor.
When he reaches his room, he stands at the door for a few moments. For some reason, he found himself growing anxious at the mere idea of entering it. It's the same room he's slept in since he was a kid, so it's not like anything has changed.
Except for the fact that everything has changed.
His gaze drifts over to his mom's room, just down the hall. The door is ajar, just as he left it when Tifa had to coax him out for the funeral. He told himself he wouldn't spend more time in there than necessary, that it would only make him feel worse. But his feet are moving before he can even think, and he's pushing her door open and stepping inside the room.
It smells like her, faintly. The perfume she always wore clung to the air, and he took a deep breath in. His exhale is shaky, and he has to force back the tears that were threatening to form as he let himself fall onto her bed.
Staring at the ceiling for a few moments, he rolls onto his side and instead stares at the photo resting on the nightstand. It's a photo he had taken with his mom when he first bought his camera. His mom was smiling, but she wasn't looking at the camera like he had been. She was staring at him.
His hand shook as he reached out and grabbed the frame, hugging it to his chest like a lifeline. His vision blurred, and he squeezed his eyes shut.
All the emotions he'd been bottling since her death started to surface.
The agony in his chest grew and grew until it was all he could feel. He's not sure this feeling will ever go away. He's not sure if he wants this feeling to go away. This sorrow, this anger, this desperation… it's all he had left of her. Even though it was overwhelming, even though it made him feel as if the world were ending, he clung to these emotions.
And still, he doesn't cry.