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“Welcome back~” Sangyeon sing-screams through the phone, prompting Haknyeon to remove the phone from his ear and move it to an arm’s length. “My baby brother–”
“How are you on the phone in the military at…” Haknyeon checks the time on the screen. “Ten in the morning? Shouldn't you be doing drills or something, hyung?”
Sangyeon huffs. “And miss being the first person to welcome you back after two years in Hong Kong? Yeah, fat chance! I worked really hard to get this privilege from the Lieutenant, you know.”
Haknyeon sighs, amused. He’d really much prefer if his brother was able to take time off and pick him up from the airport himself, but Haknyeon understands that Sangyeon is saving up his time off for the holidays.
“I gotta get off the call and actually get on a taxi, hyung. Call me whenever you’re free, okay?”
“Remember to call mom too!” Sangyeon reminds him before hanging up.
Haknyeon finally leaves the corner he’s been huddling in at Incheon airport’s arrivals and moves toward the taxi lane, hoping he can get a ride fast. The four-hour plane ride had been turbulent and the man beside Haknyeon was rudely manspreading the whole time, so he was very, very tired.
It takes him a little over 9 minutes waiting outside to finally get a ride, and Haknyeon slips into the backseat immediately after helping the driver push the huge and heavy suitcase into the back of the car.
He’s starving, actually. There weren't in-flight meals that he liked earlier, and Haknyeon actually misses Korean food. Sure, he’s had a few Korean meals in Hong Kong over the past two years, but nothing beats authentic.
Haknyeon decides to order food to his new… well, old place… now so it’ll arrive when he does too. He opens the app for ordering local food, pleasantly surprised to see the payment is still connected to his online wallet.
Chicken. Oh, yangnyeom chicken~ Haknyeon feels his stomach growling as he adds it to the cart. His thumb hovers over an additional order of jjajjangmyun, almost on muscle memory, before quickly scrolling down when his heart clenched painfully in his chest.
I wonder how he’s doing…
Haknyeon shakes his head, determined to not think about it. Or him. Or the way Haknyeon's not even fifteen minutes in South Korea and he's already thinking of Sunwoo.
The last time they’d talk… well, it wasn't the best memory Haknyeon has. There's been some screaming involved. A lot of tears too. If the memory in Haknyeon's mind was printed on film, it’d be blurry with the tears streaming out of his eyes.
He understands now that maybe telling your long-time boyfriend that you have an urgent opportunity to study at your dream university in another country on the same day that Sunwoo had wanted to propose wasn't the best idea.
But still, Haknyeon thinks, If we really loved each other, some distance wouldn't hurt.
Not like he’d know. Haknyeon didn't get a chance to know what Sunwoo thought, considering Haknyeon’s flight was the next day. There's been no contact since then and Haknyeon sometimes sees Sunwoo’s teary-eyed, heartbroken expression– literally his last memory of Sunwoo– when he closes his eyes.
He places his order and tucks his phone away.
It’s been two years. If Sunwoo really wanted to, he would have reached out.
The taxi pulls up to his old apartment building, and Haknyeon drags his suitcase to the elevator. He checks his phone to see how close the food delivery is.
Five minutes.
Okay, enough time for Haknyeon to change out of his boots and jeans and to turn the air conditioning on in his apartment before going back down.
This apartment is Haknyeon and Sangyeon’s, a gift from Haknyeon’s mother and Sangyeon’s father to their sons when they married. Hak stayed for a few years only, during his early college years, immediately moving in with Sunwoo after graduation.
Sangyeon kept the apartment, though it's been empty since he went on his military service.
Haknyeon kicks his boots off at the door and reaches for a pair of slippers. Just as he turns on the air-conditioning, his phone rings.
The caller ID makes his heart skip a beat. His fingers move before his brain can catch up, hitting answer after just two more rings.
“H-hello?” Fuck, Haknyeon sounds nervous.
“Hey.” Sunwoo’s voice is gravelly. He’s silent for a bit on the other line, and Haknyeon can hear the mechanical whirring of Sunwoo’s gaming computer. Fuck.
Fuck. His chest burns. He misses Sunwoo. He misses their messy apartment and Sunwoo’s huge ass computer setup, where the younger man composes in his spare time.
Haknyeon briefly wonders if his stuff is still there. The giant Kuromi and Hangyodon plushies they bought together in Japan, the chipped China set that Haknyeon found in Facebook marketplace, the ratty but extremely warm quilted blanket Haknyeon always leaves on the couch.
“Has your food arrived?”
“What?” The sudden question yanks Haknyeon back into reality.
“Yangnyeom chicken.”
Haknyeon frowns. “How did you–”
Sunwoo chuckles, but it doesn't sound right to Haknyeon. There's something else there. “You used my online wallet to pay. I got the receipt in my email just now, babe.”
“I– what?” Haknyeon has to hold onto the back of the sofa just to keep standing.
The fact that their food delivery is still connected makes Haknyeon feel like a rug is being pulled right under his feet. And the warm tone Sunwoo still has for him… after everything…
“The delivery man is sending a message to my phone. I think he's already there.” Sunwoo is saying, and Haknyeon hears the smile he must be wearing now: amused and adoring at the same time. “Don't go hungry, okay? Make sure to eat on time. Love you.”
Before Haknyeon can even react, the call ends, leaving him reeling with the fact that his ex-boyfriend just told him he still loves Haknyeon.
Like two years being separated didn't happen at all.
Haknyeon stares down at the delivered food, unsure of what to feel. He’s pretty sure he only ordered chicken with rice and kimchi, but somehow there's a small salad and a container of jjajjangmyun along with a liter of water.
He checks the app and sure enough, Sunwoo added those in… along with a note:
Don't include cherry tomatoes in the salad. My boyfriend hates those. Add less mayonnaise as well.
There's a painful fluttering behind Haknyeon’s ribs at the reminder that Sunwoo still knows his preferences. But then again, how do you become a stranger to someone who knows you like the palm of their hand?
Their breakup was sudden, and Haknyeon had been too busy to be heartbroken. If he thought too much about Sunwoo, he wouldn't have been able to get out of bed most days.
But now, it seems like all the heartache is rushing towards him like a dam breaking.
He knows their friends toe a thin line to avoid mentioning Sunwoo to him during calls, but Haknyeon has also noticed that Sunwoo has barely appeared in their friends’ social media since he left. Haknyeon wonders if Sunwoo asks for him, if he also scours every picture their friends post just for a glimpse of Haknyeon’s well-being.
Haknyeon goes through his lunch, immensely thankful for Sunwoo’s foresight to add water to his order because his fridge is empty.
After eating, he cleans up the kitchen counter and sits on the couch again, just staring at his luggage in silence. What’s he going to do? What should he do?
He briefly considers calling Sangyeon before remembering that his brother is away from his phone at this moment. Maybe he should call one of his friends?
“Haknyeon-ah! I thought you wouldn't be ready for socialization for another three days after arriving in Seoul.” Jacob’s excited voice soothes Haknyeon enough for him to sag into the sofa. “What's up?”
“H-has Sunwoo…” Haknyeon’s not quite sure how to phrase his question. “Is he okay? Wait, that doesn't… that doesn't sound right. I mean–”
“Oh, Hak.” Jacob sounds sympathetic at least. “What is it? Are you asking how he’s been when you were gone?”
“I…” Haknyeon takes a deep breath to steady himself before telling Jacob what happened. “I ordered food and my account is still connected to his wallet and– god, hyung. I miss him. I miss him so much–”
Haknyeon cuts himself off with a gasp, covering his own mouth to stifle the surprised sob that follows his confession.
“Have you told him that, Hak? You should. I think he needs to hear it too.”
“I don't know. I mean, two years, hyung! Two years and he never reached out when I left. I…” Haknyeon can't help it now as he openly cries out, eyes burning with tears. “I know it's my fault as well. I know that too well–”
“Hak, seriously. Please stop hurting each other and just talk.” Jacob gently coerces. “Sunwoo’s still at your apartment, in case you're wondering. He still loves you.”
Oh, Haknyeon knows. Sunwoo has proven it with the way he still talks to Haknyeon in that warm tone, the way he still knows Haknyeon’s needs without communicating.
Jacob ends the call with one last plea for Haknyeon to visit Sunwoo as soon as possible. Haknyeon says he’ll think about it, laying down on the couch and staring at the ceiling with a heavy heart.
He remembers the night their relationship broke.
They’ve always been that couple. They met during a shared class in university, and Sunwoo had immediately latched onto Haknyeon’s heart and never let go.
Five years of being together, navigating both university and life after that hand-in-hand.
“I have a surprise for you.” Sunwoo had said with a broad grin as they came from a dinner date. “But you’ve been acting suspicious this entire night. Is something wrong? Does your stomach hurt?”
“Hey, you’re the one with enteritis!” Haknyeon had tried to deflect, lightly shoving Sunwoo.
His boyfriend caught his wrist and gently brought it down so they were holding hands.
He pressed a kiss on Haknyeon’s shoulder. “No, seriously. What's up?”
“I’m going to Hong Kong.” Haknyeon breathes out, shaking. Sunwoo just nods, lips still on his shoulder, so Haknyeon quickly adds, “Tomorrow.”
“Oh? Why? Is your biological dad’s side of the family–”
“To study, Sunwoo. I got into Hong Kong University for a masters and a fast-tracked degree.”
Sunwoo’s eyes widened, and he pulled his boyfriend into a hug that just further broke Haknyeon’s heart. So pure and uncomprehending, Sunwoo was.
“I’m so proud of you!” Sunwoo kisses him, and Haknyeon can genuinely taste the happiness Sunwoo has for him. It’s overflowing and refreshing like a spring from the mountainside.
And Haknyeon held him back just as tightly, savoring the moment as it lasted.
“Well, my surprise is kinda overshadowed now.”
“What is it?” Haknyeon still asks, unable to help himself.
“I was going to ask you to marry me.”
The world suddenly stopped then. Haknyeon’s breath hitched as his eyes burned with tears. It's painful. An iron nail is drilling straight into his heart at Sunwoo’s hopeful eyes and sweet smile.
“No.”
And Haknyeon shattered those right away.
“What?”
“I can't marry you.”
“Don't joke like that.” Sunwoo’s tone was lighthearted, but there's a pained edge to it. “I have a ring and all, you know. I suppose we can wait, though. Since you–”
“I’m leaving tomorrow.” Haknyeon reiterates, pulling away. “I can’t… I can't hold you back for two years, Sunwoo! You shouldn't–”
Sunwoo chased for his hand, grasping for it like a lifeboat. Haknyeon continued moving away and Sunwoo might be on dry hand but he already looked like he’s drowning.
And Haknyeon would have rather stabbed himself than watch Sunwoo fall apart in front of him, so he turns away.
He headed straight for the door and never turned back.
Haknyeon wakes up with a start, blinking at the darkness around him. He must have fallen asleep; the shadows are longer and… there's a blanket on him?
He sits up, grogginess disappearing when he realizes it's not just any blanket, but the tattered and ratty one he so dearly loved and left at his old apartment with Sunwoo.
Sunwoo, who’s watching him from the armchair a few feet away.
“Hey.”
“H-hi. Shit, did I never change the passcode?” Haknyeon mutters, heart beating painfully fast.
Sunwoo gives him a small smile. He’s grown leaner over the time they've been apart, though Haknyeon tries not to focus on the circles under his eyes too much. His hair is longer, unkempt still, and Haknyeon aches to run his fingers through it.
“You want me out of here that bad?” Sunwoo asks, playful but guarded.
“I–” Haknyeon wants to pass out. “No.”
“I brought some of your stuff.” Sunwoo seems like he’s having difficulty looking away from him, but he manages to settle his gaze on the blanket on Haknyeon's lap. “I can have the other stuff delivered tomorrow or something. I’m not… I haven't really packed them or anything.”
Haknyeon understands what Sunwoo's trying to say. Their home is still unchanged. Whatever knickknacks Haknyeon had accumulated over their relationship are still there with the memories they had, and the fact that Sunwoo’s been living in that stagnant pool makes Haknyeon…
“Hey,” Sunwoo is suddenly kneeling in front of him and cupping his cheeks. “Hey, don’t cry. Fuck, Hak. I’m sorry. I– I’m gonna go, but I don't want to leave you like this. Can you call–”
“Sunwoo,” Haknyeon gasps out, grasping Sunwoo’s arm. He’s real. Holy shit. “Sunwoo, oh my god.”
“I’m here.” Sunwoo whispers, wiping Haknyeon’s tears away with his thumb. “I’m here, baby.”
Haknyeon’s vision blurs with tears and he's terrified that he’s just hallucinating.
He must have said it outloud, because Sunwoo gently shushes him. “I’m real.” He brings Haknyeon’s forehead to rest on the crook of his shoulder and neck. “I’m real, Haknyeon. Just breathe, baby. That's it.”
And Haknyeon does. He breathes in deeply, wishing that Sunwoo’s natural alluring musk mixing with sandalwood and summer florals would burn into his lung tissue so Haknyeon can have him wherever he goes.
“I missed you so much.” Sunwoo whispers reverently, arms tightening around Haknyeon. He probably doesn't mean for Haknyeon to hear it.
“We should… we should talk.” Haknyeon swallows painfully around nothing. He slightly pulls away so he can face Sunwoo. “About that night, I didn't–”
“I know. I put you on the spot and caught you off guard.” Sunwoo brushes a lock of hair away from Haknyeon’s tear-stricken face. “It’s okay.”
“It’s not!” Haknyeon snaps, surprising Sunwoo. “I wanted to say yes, fuck.”
Sunwoo stays silent, eyes downcast.
“But I just… Sunwoo, why didn't you come after me? Why didn't you try to chase me?” Haknyeon asks.
“I wanted to give you time.” Sunwoo bites his lip. “Clearly, I also made a mistake, putting you on the spot by choosing me or your dream education. I’d never do that. It's been eating at me since then.”
Haknyeon feels his tears come back in a fresh wave and he scrambles for Sunwoo’s other hand so he can hold both in his lap.
“It was a slip of the tongue earlier.” Sunwoo adds. “Muscle memory. In case you feel uncomfortable–”
“No. No, no.” Haknyeon vehemently shakes his head. “Please don't tell me you don't love me anymore, Sunwoo! Please, ripping my heart out would hurt less.”
They sit in silence for a moment, and Haknyeon is beyond terrified that Sunwoo’s next words will be a formal conclusion to their story.
“What do you want me to do, Hak?” Sunwoo asks softly, dropping his forehead onto Haknyeon’s lap. “Do you still love me? What are we going to do with the two years in between?”
“I don't know.” Haknyeon whimpers. “All I know is it’s painful. And I wish I could turn back time and do something different with what I now know. And that I really, really love you, Sunwoo. I can't even think of stopping.”
Sunwoo exhales shakily before gathering his resolve and standing up. He gently pulls Haknyeon up by the elbows as well.
“I think that's all I need to hear.” Sunwoo tells him.
Haknyeon feels himself shaking. “No–” a hundred possibilities run through his mind. He doesn't even want to entertain half of them, ending with more tears and a completely shattered heart in this apartment’s living room.
“Let’s go home, babe.”
“What?” Haknyeon’s unsure if he’s having auditory hallucinations as well.
“Good thing you haven't unpacked yet.” Sunwoo beams at him, that rare dimple making itself known in the dim light. “C’mon, help me move your ridiculously heavy bag over to the elevator. I drove here.”
Haknyeon is still rooted to the spot even as Sunwoo takes the ratty blanket from the couch and covers Haknyeon's shoulders with it.
“What about the two years we’ve missed?” Haknyeon asks, grasping at straws.
“What's two years compared to the rest of our lives?” Sunwoo shrugs, nonchalant even though his eyes are glassy with tears.
“It shouldn't be this easy.” Haknyeon shakes his head. “I hurt you. You hurt me. This is–”
“It shouldn't be easy but that doesn't mean it should be hard too.” Sunwoo soothes him. “I’m willing to brave this hurt and try again with you, Hak. I don't want this with anyone else. Only you. Do you want this as well?”
Haknyeon doesn't hesitate, moving forward until he’s nose to nose with Sunwoo.
Sunwoo’s eyebrows raise in surprise and his hands settle on Haknyeon’s waist.
“I want this.” Haknyeon confirms, throat tight with emotions he can't even name. “I want you. I love you, Sunwoo.”
And he closes the last bit of distance between them, pouring everything he has into that gaping hole two years has carved out of them.
They need to talk about it more.
But Haknyeon will make sure, he swears it to all the heavens, that Sunwoo is his future.