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All men are not born equal, a trite statement but a true one unfortunately. Everyone had different circumstances, different origins, different opportunities.
Izuku Midoriya was very aware of this, having been born with very few opportunities that didn't end in him cleaning toilets for a living. Such was the burden of someone born without a quirk.
But today wasn't supposed to happen, because it was a day like any other, nothing special was going on today. So why was he being held hostage. Again? He was just picking up some cabbage for dinner!
"Don't move or the kid gets it!" The man, who looked like a strange bus driver with his face hidden by his hat, except for glowing eyes, yelled.
He had held Izuku by the side of his neck with his right hand and was currently pointing finger guns at Izuku's temple with his left hand, a strange multicoloured spark between his fingers.
"I'm not a kid, I'm seventeen." Izuku grumbled, it had been the ninth time this month someone had held him hostage. Really why was he a magnet for this sort of thing?
"Oh? Uh," the guy muttered, "you're really short for your age, you know that?"
"Yeah I noticed." Izuku sighed. "Would it help if I wailed a little? I just wanna go home, sir."
The man blinked, making the lights in his eyes flicker. “You do realise I’m threatening your life?” He asked incredulously.
“About as much as the last eight people who have sir, so yes.” Izuku answered honestly, he was so tired. Not tired of carrying two bags of cabbage home but of having to deal with these random weirdos.
“Let the boy go, Morphus!” The police officer said through a megaphone.
‘Really, why did they have a barricade for this guy?’ Izuku thought, as he wasn’t as intimidating as the gorilla guy from last week.
“Hello Officer Tanaka!” Izuku answered back with genuine cheer. “Guess it’s your shift again?” He asked slightly amused.
“Oh for the love of---Midoriya?! Again?!! Can’t you go a day without getting into trouble?” The police officer asked, confused.
“Hey I was just buying some cabbage.” Izuku whined lightly. “Not my fault people deem it right to bully me for buying dinner ingredients. My mother’s offer for that stands by the way! You still didn’t reply to her last three offers.”
“I told you I’m married, kid!”
“And I told you she’s bisexual and currently single! And I’m still seventeen!” Izuku grumbled.
“Can we please get back to the hostage situation at hand? I will make this kid’s very short life hell if my demands aren’t being met!” The villain, still holding Izuku by his neck, growled.
“You do realise that threatening to murder me isn’t helping you right?” Izuku groaned. “You’re not even intimidating, did you get fired from your job recently? Why the Bus Driver outfit?” Izuku asked, almost bored until the man started squeezing his throat.
“Oh trust me you’d wish I’d have killed you if you don’t shut up.” The man started yelling now. “Do you even know how much of a hassle it is to drive random teenagers with superpowers to private schools?! Those snot nosed brats don’t have the slightest bit of respect!”
“You know that’s remarkably mundane compared to the other guys who took me hostage. The last guy’s story sounded like something out of a bad doujin.” Izuku squeaked slightly, or pretended to as the guy’s grip wasn’t particularly hard. “Did you consider a career as a limousine driver instead? Pretty sure those kids’ parents have at least some options for recommendations.”
“AND DEAL WITH THOSE HORRIBLE NIGHTMARE CHILDREN EVEN MORE?!” The man lost whatever composure he had, shoving Izuku forward “GUESS THERE’LL BE ONE MORE OF YOU SHITS NOW!” He laughed with a demented grin.
With a loud ~ZAPP~ sound he pointed his left hand at Izuku, striking him with a rainbow coloured lightning bolt and kicking a large dust cloud.
When the dust cleared, instead of a short, thin seventeen year old with green hair and green eyes there was a monster.
He was slightly hunched down, though it did nothing to make him less imposing. He had grown rather massively, having gone from 5’3 foot tall to 8 foot tall within a moment. Where he had been nearly rail thin before he was now utterly riddled with muscles...and he was hairy. Really hairy.
Izuku shook his head in a daze, his nose felt like it was on fire and so did his ears. His vision was just a haze of colours. There was just so much noise and so many smells around that he could barely focus on anything because there was so much going on with his senses.
He could just vaguely hear someone knocking the “Morphus” guy out. And really what kind of a weird villain name was “Morphus” anyway?!
“You okay, Midoriya? Still in there?” He heard Officer Tanaka ask as his senses slowly adjusted.
“Y-Yeah I’m fine, I think.” Izuku answered only to realise that his voice was a lot deeper than before.
“Uuuuuuuuhhhh.” He opened his eyes fully, the blurriness fading as he looked around, most people seemed more shocked than anything else to see him. He looked down, he now had arms like trees, his legs were much the same, his upper body felt like he was a tank and...well for some reason he seemed to be covered in fur. “Uhh.” He slowly started grabbing his own face, nope that wasn’t a normal mouth. That sure felt like a very big cat's face.
He paused slightly as he felt something swinging around near his lower back, he tried to turn to see it but gave up and just bent down to peer between his legs. Aside from noticing that he was somehow still wearing his pants he noticed a tail. A lion's tail.
“What the fu--?!?”
“So just to be sure I understand this correctly: you do not want to be changed back?” The Police Chief asked. He had heard of Midoriya’s rather unfortunate tendency to get caught up in hostage situations but hadn’t believed it until today. Nine hostage situations in one month? That kid must have the worst luck in history.
“No, sir.” Izuku, who despite his now lion appearance looked rather sheepish, an oxymoron if there ever was one, answered.
“You do realise that if you aren’t changed back within forty eight hours you’ll look like this permanently?” The Police Chief, who looked like a very odd breed of dog, asked again.
“Well sir, you see…” Izuku twiddled his fingers. “This is kind of my dream come true. Sort of. In a very roundabout way. If I squint and try not to hard to think about the other problems—”
“Alright, alright. Explain yourself properly, please.”
“I’m quirkless.” Izuku answered simply with a sigh, and he could almost sense the realisation shift along with the temperature. “Now? Well who’s gonna argue that I don’t have a quirk, right? I’m a giant lion-man-thing. No one without a quirk can be a giant lion-man-thing! No one would believe you if you told them that. So. Yeah. I’m staying like this.” Izuku said with some determination in his voice.
The Police Chief tilted his head. “Hmmm. Well I guess you can.” He answered eventually. “I’ve been on the force for a long while son, can’t remember anyone ever telling me that a victim of a crime has to expose themselves to the same quirk that was used for the crime again.” He shrugged as the other police officers slowly came to the same realisation as the Police Chief. “So I am sorry to say that you will likely look like a giant humanoid lion for the rest of your life.”
Izuku tried to smile but thanks to his now massive lion face it came across more as if he was contemplating eating an entire cow. “If I could hug the man who did this, I would probably not let go for a while.”
“Oh he’s already being shipped off to Tartarus.” One of the police officers provided helpfully, making Izuku freeze. “High Security level, his quirk turned a lot of people into monsters and most of them went absolutely bonkers because of it, one of them turned into a walking mountain of nails. Maybe not having a quirk saved you there.” The guy shrugged.
Izuku looked contemplative for a bit, which was an achievement for his now massive size and scary face. “Hm. I guess so.” H shrugged, sending a massive wave through his shoulders. “Grmm...I’ll have to get used to...all of this really.” He motioned to himself, no one was sure how his pants hadn’t burst off during his transformation, his shirt certainly had, but at least the male police officers were thankful.
Quirks, it turned out, were rather complicated things. Genetics alone could not explain them and most science, having stalled because people were focusing on quirks, had no real explanation for most of them.
In fact there was no sensible explanation for any of them as any scientific studies that could have been started in order to understand them went under the relentless wheels of public panic in the generations since Quirks first appeared.
As such, the Quirk Izuku had been hit with had been simply titled "Monster", as in "Turns people into Monsters". Accurate, in so far that a monster is a creature that cannot be seen as merely human or merely an animal. Inaccurate as what actually happened was both genetically, physically and meta-physically very different to that description.
What the quirk actually does is turn the person into a physical representation of their body, mind, personality and experiences. Now one might wonder, "Well why did the others affected by it turn into things like a walking pile of nails?".
The simple answer is that quirks became such an integral part of people's lives that each person identifies with their own quirk to the point that is part of their very being. Izuku Midoriya is, despite everything, unburdened by such preconception. As such the quirk instead turned him into a true representation of who he is, tempered by the very life he was forced to live in.
A kind, strong, resilient, brave and sometimes wise warrior. A lion in all but name.
“Izuku!” Inko yelled, making the, now far bigger than she was used to, lion-man freeze in the doorway. “Did you bring the cabbages?”
“Uhh. I was kind of...busy freaking out about being turned into a Lion-man, mom.” Izuku stammered lightly. Physically intimidating features did not help against an angry parent.
“Oh shush, we both know you’d have taken any kind of quirk or superpower.” Inko grumbled before letting him into the apartment.
“You’re lucky I heard about it on the news. Nine times! How did you manage to get held hostage nine times this month!” She growled, almost louder than he could now, before sighing.
“Oh well.” She eventually said, before eventually starting to stress-cook, Katsudon naturally. “I guess we’ll have to update your quirk registration, new school uniforms and a new diet....” She rambled for a while before hearing a creaking as Izuku sat down. “...and new furniture, I did not think about having someone weighing several hundred pounds in this apartment.” She added with a grumble.
Needless to say the massive change Izuku had gone through was noticed pretty much instantly, it was difficult to ignore when someone went from “mousey-uninteresting-quirkless-guy” to “mountain-of-muscles-and-sinew-that-is-also-a-lion”. Though the former was probably easier to read.
As such, the reaction at Aldera was very different, it wasn’t mockery of the quirkless kid but rather avoiding the walking wall of lion that was now meandering through the halls. It didn’t stop after he gave his new quirk registration and everything involved to the Principal either as his entire class gave him a wide berth as he walked to his desk.
The chair at least had the decency to not break, unlike two at home.
He had barely gotten used to not breaking pencils and pens to write normally again, let alone wearing a school uniform his size, when he heard something familiar but louder than he was used to.
Bakugo’s footsteps. His were always a bit distinct, sounding more like someone stomping around with combat boots even when he was just walking normally. It didn’t take more than a few seconds since he heard them for Bakugo to almost break down the door to the classroom with the amount of force he was using.
Suddenly Bakugo froze as he scanned the classroom. “Who the fuck is that?” He growled at seemingly everyone and no one in particular “Where the fuck did Deku go?”
“Dude. That is Deku. Don’t you watch the news?” One of the others said.
“He got held hostage again and came out looking like that.” One of Bakugo’s cronies, the kid with the wings, said. “Not sure if it’s an improvement.”
Though the answers he got only made Bakugo angrier. “The fuck you mean that’s Deku?! The fuck happened?!” He kept ranting for a while before Izuku finally bothered looking up, his book had been more interesting if he was honest.
“You do know that we all can hear you right? You’re not in a giant cave.” Izuku’s tone was even, though thanks to his changed size far deeper than he’d planned.
“Says the guy we can all hear whenever we don’t want to.” Someone muttered.
“Yes, yes. Laugh it up. I at least don’t give you hearing damage.” Izuku snarked in his direction, making anyone who laughed along get very quiet, he had never talked back before.
“The fuck did you do Deku?!” Katsuki growled as he stepped up to this table. “How the fuck did you manage to hide this for so long?”
Izuku tilted his head. “What are you talking about Kacchan? You heard these guys right? It was on the news, I didn’t hide anything. Some guy used his quirk on me while taking me hostage and now I’m this. That’s what happened.”
Katsuki paused before eventually catching himself. "So you turned into a giant Lion-Monster on fucking ACCIDENT?!" He bellowed. "What kind of a lame excuse is that?!"
Izuku picked his ear, that level of sound actually was annoying now. "I don't know Kacchan, did you choose to get an explosion quirk or did that just happen?"
The question hung in the air alongside the silence that came with it, both decided to play cards to pass the time. Do not worry, they won't stay long. There were other places they were needed.
"The fuck did you just say?!" Oh there they go, not even long enough to play 52 Pick Up.
"I said: Did you choose to get an explosion quirk or was that just luck, Bakugo?" Izuku growled, suddenly standing up, making Katsuki realise that he wasn't the short scared guy he had been dealing with for years. No he was now dealing with a lion-man built like a tree. And if Izuku didn't have the instincts to defend himself, the lion part of him did and it was not happy.
Katsuki grunted. "Okay that's a fair question." He growled slightly.
In fact it was such a fair question that Katsuki suddenly felt incredibly self-conscious. He had built his entire image on being the best there would ever be and suddenly the realisation hit him that he based that perception on a chance roll that could have gone any other way (In fact the 25 universal 10000 sided dice rolls responsible for his quirk had not landed optimally, being only in the lower 56% of the optimal result. Not that anyone could have told him that.)
He eventually grunted again, before quietly sitting at his table.
The rest of Izuku’s time at Aldera was rather quiet afterwards, if only because Bakugo had been the main instigator and it was far less easy to bully someone when they were far larger than you were.
Izuku was jogging, well he had been jogging for a while now. Two hours in fact, at as brisk of a jog as he could manage. Apparently that meant going about 50 mph (80km/h) at a consistent rate, as his body was constructed like a humans but with at least some lion properties. Normally that would have meant overheating very quickly but apparently his new body had chosen whichever properties were superior for any one thing.
He had made a few discoveries about his new body over the past few weeks. First discovery? Not training did nothing to reduce his muscle-mass, in fact training didn’t seem to do anything to increase it either. Which was weird but hey, he wasn’t going to complain about looking this buff his entire life. He did stick to having a training regiment, just to not be lazy though.
Second discovery: Turns out an 8 foot tall muscle bound lion-man needed a lot more food than a scrawny, short, teenager and thanks to his changes, vegetables and fruit were mostly out. Again he wasn’t exactly complaining, if anything he was complaining about his mother having to spend more money on food but that was the nature of the beast, pun intended.
Third discovery: He really, really didn’t know his own strength. He had realised this when he had ripped a door of its hinges the third time in a day at school. No one seemed to begrudge him this, he was literally new to not being quirkless any more after all.
Though he thought most of it was just brown nosing, as not being on the bad side of the buff lion-man seemed to be on the forefront of most people’s mind at Aldera these days. Well except Bakugo, who was currently alternating between leaving him alone and sulking.
Anyway he was out running today because he was on his way to a nice place to train that he found a few weeks ago. Well it wasn’t actually a nice place but it gave him something to do, said place being a trash covered beach that people had apparently decided to use an impromptu landfill. There was everything here from old washing machines to an entire wall of old safety deposit boxes.
He wondered why people dumped their trash here, a recycling yard was just ten minutes further down the road.
He shook his head just thinking about it and turned the last corner towards the beach. He blinked slightly as he came to a stop at the top of the steps leading down. There were two people far off in the distance at the edge of the water. One seemed to be a scrawny man, even thinner than Izuku had been, the other was a woman who he almost mistook for All Might, though she was slightly shorter than he was. He blinked again, focusing on them, thanking cat eyes for making seeing things easier.
He wondered what they were talking about but decided it wasn’t his business and started his routine of cleaning up the place instead.
“So you understand why I was reluctant to ask for your help.” All Might scratched the back of his head. “If it wasn’t for Sam and Melissa I wouldn’t even have reached out.” He admitted a bit sheepishly.
Star and Stripe, aka Cathleen Bate crossed her arms with a frown. “No I quite honestly don’t understand it. Even if you feared that ‘he’ is still out there, there was no reason to believe he’d risk attacking me, much less that he’d even know about it if we played our cards right. Hell we could have set it up as you visiting I-Island any time in the past few years and me just happening to be around at the time. It’s not out of the ordinary for multiple 1# heroes from across the globe to meet up there.”
All Might raised a finger and opened his mouth before closing it again. “That...is a good point. Man, I really have been paranoid.” He sighed. “Nighteye’s predictions must have gotten to me more than I thought.”
Cathleen gave a dismissive wave “Pfff. Future Vision quirks. If I believed everyone who ever told me my future, I’d be fat with four children and two ex-husbands. I haven’t had one husband much less a kid. Don’t put your stock in people trying to tell you how the universe works, especially when you know someone who can tell the universe how it works.” She laughed.
“Now then, let’s see. I gotta word this right but I think I got it:” She reached out her hand towards him.
{“Toshinori Yagi will be returned to the physical condition he had before he was injured within the next four seconds.”}
With a massive burst of steam and a written out sound effect of ~RE-BEEF~ Toshinori had gone from his near skeletal, broken self to the buff goliath of a man he was supposed to be.
He blinked, looking down at himself, touching where the wound he had previously had was supposed to be. He took a deep breath, it was nice to feel the fact that he had two lungs again, that and just about everything else about him being back to full capacity.
“Whyyyy does it feel like we just punched fate in the face? Repeatedly?” He asked, both incredibly grateful that this had worked and confused beyond belief.
“Welcome to my life. Stick around me long enough and that feeling becomes permanent.” She laughed.
“Also why did you need to word the command like that?” He asked next, milling one of his arms, man it felt good to not feel like he was falling to bits at every moment.
“Insurance basically. If I had just said that ‘you are’ back to the condition you were in, the next rule would have undone it. This way you were ‘returned to’ that condition. Meaning unless you get injured exactly the same way again, you stay that way, of course you can still get injured in other ways. The few seconds is just that it’s not entirely instant so your senses don’t overload” She shrugged. “It’s a weird meta-physical quirk fuck-about, don’t ask how it works, it’s not worth the migraines. One of the science boys back home has a whole string theory room set up just to tell me how my quirk can’t work even when it does.” She laughed.
“...Can I take you out to dinner for this? At least one, if not several hundred.” He asked and immediately added.
“Sounds like a date to me. You know any good burger places in Japan?”
He smirked. “You have read my mind and I know just the one we’re going for. Care for a race?” He jerked a thumb towards the city.
“To a place I don’t know? Sure. I’ll just cheat to know where I need to go.” She smirked right back.
“Wouldn’t have it any other way.” He laughed and moments later jumped away. “PLUUUUS ULTRAAAA!”
A moment later Cathleen followed, laughing all the way.
Izuku stood there stunned for several seconds befor--
“EeeeeehhHHHHHHHH???”
Needless to say, he didn’t bother telling anyone about what he had just witnessed no matter how much he wanted to because no one would have believed that he had seen this happen.
No matter how crazy his life was, no one was going to believe that.
This year’s U.A Entrance Exam was a far more interesting one than the last few years, at least if you asked Rumi Usagiyama, which was part of the reason we’re not showing it to you directly.
“Is that Narrator getting sassier every year or just more of a jerk?” Rumi asked, tilting one of her ears.
She had been part of U.A as a combat instructor for the past four years and had gotten really annoyed with the narration as it went on.
“Oh I pay him to be sassier, keeps people on their toes.” Nezu smiled grandly. “I do have to say, we have an exceptional crop this year.”
Miruko snorted, “I’m not sure I’d call them that for the most part.”
She pointed, with her leg because why not get some cardio in, at one of the screens. "Well if that purple haired nightmare makes it, he's gonna be a sexual harassment lawsuit waiting to happen," she pointed at another screen, "Also, unless that blond gets some real therapy he might just kill someone...or get kidnapped to join some villains." She finally put her foot down before looking around at the other screens.
"Aaaaand that one..." she looked over to the screen showing a large lion-man with green tips to his mane, "...is probably not leaving this place without some kids on the way because if he isn't getting laid during his stay here, no one is. Speaking of that, what's our ethics policy on teacher-student relationships?"
"Same as our life insurance policy." Aizawa grumbled, why was he working with lunatics?
"Cool. Coolcoolcool. Sooo I might be on maternity leave in nine-to-ten months." She answered with a lewd smirk on her face. Give her a break, there were only so many domination fantasies one of the physically strongest women alive could indulge in.
"Hey!" Midnight grumbled. "I had to sign an ethics agreement! Why didn't anyone else?"
"...No one here except you starred in enough porno movies to fill a store." Nezu answered, much to the surprise of everyone, mostly because they wondered how he knew that.
“Alright, fair.” Midnight conceded before giving a smirk. “So which one was y—”
“Finish that sentence and I might reconsider keeping you employed.” Nezu cut her off.
"What makes you think he'll get that much attention anyway?" Aizawa grumbled, trying his damned best to ignore the turn that conversation had taken. He was failing but the effort was there.
Miruko looked at him as if he had grown a second head, or finally gotten a haircut. "A lion-man, built like a brick wall, who seems to be a helpful soul given that he keeps pulling people out of the way of danger. Gee I wonder why that would make him a popular catch at a hero school. Truly a mystery, doc." Miruko's tone alone gave Aizawa flashbacks to Albuquerque.
"Now if he also manages to be cute at the same time, that's when the fun starts." Midnight added.
Miruko smirked. "Some girls love big tough guys, some girls like cute fluffy ones. If he manages to be both, well we get to watch the fireworks of a giant tug of war for his attention. Which is all the better. Competition keeps the newbies pumped with reasons to beat each other up. All in the name of combat improvement."
Needless to say, that requirement was already met.
“Oh yeah, I get to watch some blood sports this year!” Miruko only barely stopped herself from doing a little dance. “Fuck you, I am dancing, you know how much I missed bare knuckle cage matches in this place?!”
So Izuku was in Class 1-A. It honestly surprised him, mostly because he had spent about a third of his time during the written exam replacing his pens and pencils, he still didn’t have his fine motor control down pat.
Granted he had only spent one third of the exam actually writing it and the last third re-checking everything obsessively. He almost hadn’t turned it in because he wasn’t exactly sure if the corrupt hero Gold Rocket had been caught by the Hero Amateratsu or by her sidekick Stronic, and he only didn’t know that because it was never revealed to the public but Izuku had at least wanted to give a well reasoned assumption aaaand this section is needlessly long so imagine four paragraphs of his reasoning.
Izuku looked around the classroom as he walked to his desk. Why was their homeroom teacher asleep in a sleeping bag at the front of the class?
“Because I test my classes' response times, which you’re all too slow at for my liking.” Aizawa grumbled just as everyone had gotten seated, he got up and reluctantly shed his orange cocoon. “Now head to the P.E fields, we have some physical tests to get through, you get to figure out everything else yourselves.”
“But you haven’t told us anything about the University yet.” Momo Yaoyorozu, whose name was so complicated that the narration needed to look up the spelling, spoke up.
“Congratulations, you figured out that I don’t teach you basic life skills, now get moving.”
In the changing rooms one of the other students, Mashirao Ojiro walked up to Izuku and stared at him.
“Uhh. Can I help you?” Izuku eventually asked.
Ojiro looked Izuku up and down (or in his case mostly up) before eventually sighing. "I feel incredibly emasculated."
Izuku sputtered. "By my existence?"
"Yes."
Aizawa’s eye twitched slightly, of course he had the crazy class like every year he had been here. The last one almost destroyed a country. The one before that had. The people of Azerbaijanistan were still busy relocating.
“Alright I think I got this one.” He sighed, pointing at a few of them.
He pointed at Katsuki Bakugo “You have anger issues beyond all reason.”
Next he pointed at Minoru Mineta, who was drooling at the pretty girls in his class. “You have issues in general beyond all reason.”
He pointed at Ochako Uraraka. “You, why are you even here instead of helping I-Island throw stuff into space?”
He finally pointed at Izuku, who was once again looking sheepish as his ball throw had destroyed a weather balloon. “And you really need to get that mane groomed, you’re a walking king of the jungle, act like it.”
“The rest of you are probably normal,” he began before stopping himself “disregarding the ones hiding scars or not hiding them and instead pretending that those are personality traits.”
He waved them off. “We’re done for today, your scores didn’t actually matter, if I wanted you gone you would be either way. Have fun figuring out this maze of a University.” For some reason, he seemed to think that walking off without saying anything else would make him disappear like a ninja and was disappointed to find that it wasn’t the case.
Izuku tried to stretch a little, his hero costume had been a pain to put on. Not because it was actually difficult but because someone, or everyone in his class, had been busy hiding pieces of it and now he only had a set of metal pants, a red cape and large sword (it wasn’t an actual sword, given his size he didn’t need anything sharp to hurt someone).
He figured out why they had chosen to hide most of his hero costume, because if the looks the girls in the class gave him were anything to go by they’d have made sure he’d have nothing but a loin cloth if they’d have gotten away with it. With the main reason they hadn’t being their teacher for this lesson, who was also not hiding her appreciation in the slightest.
“And the prodigal daddy of the concrete jungle finally joins us.” Miruko smirked, looking him up and down (mostly up, though she was on the height she deemed correct). Good god you could have ground meat on that six pack and he wouldn’t even have noticed.
“Wha--?”
“Nothing, you must have imagined hearing me say things, acoustics in here are hell.” Miruko cut him off. “Seriously if you caused an echo here it would be bizarre shit or loud moaning depending on what you were doing to people at the time.”
“Alright!” Her sudden exclamation made her jump. “Couple of years ago you would have gotten a boring exercise about stopping a bomb threat while beating the shit out of people. You get the badass task of beating the shit out of people and leaving them for the ambulance to pick up instead.”
“U-Uhm what’s the heroic part of that?” Tooru Hagakure asked, trying her best to focus on her teacher and failing, horribly.
“Well since apparently no one asked that, here’s the answer: If you beat down villains they can’t hurt people. Beat them down faster and less people get hurt. Beat them fast enough and no one gets hurt. Simple eh?” Miruko smirked sadistically.
“Uuuh.” Izuku began meekly, “That doesn’t sound like hero work, that sounds like a vigilante.” He scratched his cheek.
“FUCK YOU!” Katsuki cut him off. “That sounds like a damn great hero to me!!”
Miruko blinked, before looking between the two. Before focusing on Katsuki first. “OK, you? Cool it, yes beating villains up is fun but there’s no point if people are more afraid of you than them. Which by the way, your hero costume is doing a terrible job at. Giant grenades are not exactly giving people a good feeling because, for all they know, you could be going off on them too. Bad look no matter if you’re me or anyone else.”
She looked over to Izuku and had to really reel it in to not get lost at his chest. “As for you, turn it up a bit will ya?! You’re a giant lion-man who towers over just about everyone you’ll cu—meet.” Almost lost the story and found the plot there. “Point is, you’re a big guy with muscles people could get hung up on and have the face of someone who could eat someone alive.”
“God I wish—” one of the girls muttered just quietly enough for those with enhanced hearing to pick up.
“So start acting the way you look! You’re a damn lion! Plant your feet and stop taking shit from people, being scary sometimes can be useful.” Miruko concluded.
“Uh. Do you have advice for the rest of us?” Hagakure asked.
Miruko looked around. “Okay who keeps saying things with no apparent source? There someone here with a voice throwing quirk?”
Izuku blinked, slightly angry. “It’s Tooru Hagakure.” He pointed at where Hagakure was standing with a light snarl on his face. “She’s been standing there since before I got here.”
If all of them had been statues one could have heard the grinding sounds as the entire class plus their teacher turned towards him first and then followed his finger to where Hagakure was standing.
“Oh come on! I’m not that easy to forget!” Hagakure whined.
“Nah you’re just a girl who happens to not be visible.” Miruko said bluntly. “No offence but whenever you speak I mistake it for pinky over here saying something.” She jerked a thumb in Mina Ashido’s direction. “You two sound about the same, you both have that overly friendly cheer in your voice that puts you somewhere between any gal in existence and the valley girl everyone gets annoyed at. Not saying that to be rude, gals were my crowd but you really gotta find a way to be more than just ‘the girl who isn’t there’ ya hear?…”
There was a long pause in which Miruko slowly narrowed her eyes. “...Are you not wearing anything aside from boots and gloves? Who the fuck let you do that?! Fuck ethics rules, there’s so many things wrong with that I don’t know where to start.” She buried her face n her hands “Haaaarggh. Why do I have to be the most reasonable teacher in this entire fucking University aside from Snipe of all people?! And isn’t that a thought that the random Cowboy Nezu got drunk with one time is the only other sane person here.” She looked around before glaring at them all “I did not say that, you’ve all temporarily gone deaf. Am. I. Fucking. Clear?!”
She let out a long groan. “Fiiiine. Guess we’re going over your hero costumes, or lack thereof. Why do people have to spoil my fun?” She sighed.
"You." She pointed at Tooru. "Go put something on and then march over to the Support Item nerds. If they say they can't give you anything to work with, say that they're not smart enough to give you a suit that could turn invisible with you, chances are good they're gonna try and outdo Edna Mode just to spite you." She paused before smiling sweetly. "And then thank them after they're done, those nerds know what the fuck they're doing when you give them right motivation."
She glared at Mineta. "And you're gonna go off to find whoever signed off on that abomination of a hero costume you're wearing and demand they make you presentable to the public...and you're gonna punch them in the dick until they comply. It seems to be about the height you can reach."
"...Will that improve anything?" Mineta asked.
"No, probably not, because your costume is still gonna be shit until they fix it, but we're sending a message that they've officially gone too far. No one should be allowed to wear a purple gimp suit with a diaper and be told that's okay." She pinched the bridge of her nose. "What is my life that I have to say that out loud?!"
As the class was slowly being instructed on where to go one after the other Izuku felt the urge to speak up and followed it.
"You're wearing a white leotard." Izuku pointed out. "Not exactly optimal for fights."
"And you're wearing metal armour on fur legs so you're clearly not any smarter." Miruko shot back.
"Ever considered how much hair that's gonna pull out? Especially on a hot day? Two words: Brazilian Wax."
Izuku blanched slightly. "I feel I have errored."
"Welcome to heroics, you'll either die stupid or learn the hard way."
“So much for that combat training.” Aizawa snarked.
“Yesss.” Miruko hissed lightly. “Because I’d rather have my students alive than just beating each other to death, we went over this last year. I haven’t forgotten you trying to have an entire class expelled ya know.”
Aizawa sighed. “How many times do I have to te—”
“You did it to teach them a lesson blah blah blah. You do realise that Kan can do the same thing without breaking educational standards right?!” She growled. “It’s kind of embarrassing that he can think of ways of making them take things seriously that don’t need a therapist afterwards!”
Aizawa just shrugged. “So is that plan of yours for the USJ still going to happen?”
“You mean after the security breach this morning?! Absolutely not.”
“There was a security breach this morning?”
“….You have so many issues it’s not even funny.”