Chapter Text
Luigi needed advice. Immediately. He just wasn’t sure who to ask.
He always went to his brother Mario or their father for helpful tips, but… this problem in particular was a bit more personal.
It also involved a highly respected princess, whom he’d been dating since the beginning of the summer. If the embarrassing details of their relationship were to somehow get out into the public, she’d have a very hard time keeping the press away.
Luigi stared at his alarm clock, which read 8:39 in the morning. That very evening would mark their three-month anniversary. Sure, it wasn’t the biggest milestone, but it meant the world for someone like him.
Which is why tonight had to be special. Different from the typical wholesome dates he’d been getting away with for weeks.
Luigi picked up his cell phone from his nightstand, alerting him of a text from his girlfriend, which read “SEE U SOON, SWEETIE”. Heart emoji. Winky face.
Luigi sighed, though this was no lovesick sigh of longing. It was a sigh of dread.
Daisy was beginning to make it obvious that she was ready for that… next step, if you will. Even Luigi, as oblivious as he was, had noticed the way her eyes lingered for long periods of time. They were often glued to his chest, his arms, his belly… he had been meaning to talk to her about that last part. He was still rather insecure about his roundness.
But Luigi could worry about that another day. Tonight, he would make Daisy happy. He’d make her feel as special and loved as she’s made him feel these past three months. His own preferences were just going to have to wait.
It’s not that Luigi didn’t have any sort of desire to… take things a little further with Daisy. He would like that.
Dio, he would really like that.
But there was one tiny issue that was stopping him from looking forward to it, and that brings us back to the beginning.
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“You’re a virgin.”
Luigi stood in front of his bathroom mirror, hands gripping the edges of the sink, repeating those words as some sort of… daily affirmation. His voice raised about half an octave as he began pacing back and forth across that frigid tile floor, every step mocking him for his awkward maneuvers and sensitive nerves.
“You’re a virgin. You’ve never had sex before. And that’s okay! It’s not a big deal or anything!”
He was quite literally getting cold feet.
What if I’m bad at it?
What if I say something weird?
What if she doesn’t like what she sees?
Luigi was spiraling again, like always. This time, however, he felt it was for completely valid reasons. Tonight, he planned on initiating something he has never done before, and with none other than the love of his life, Princess Daisy.
There was a certain standard he felt he needed to meet. It was the sort of pressure that only he could’ve brought upon himself. While he and Daisy didn’t discuss the topic of sex very much, the latter was sending signals… and he heard them, alright (even if it took nearly two weeks for him to finally catch on).
Pressure or no pressure, he had a mission.
Luigi returned to the mirror and instantly began tidying up, ridding himself of any visual flaws. A stray curl here, a zit there… Nit-picking on his own appearance was often his way of self-regulating. It at least kept him distracted from the fact that he was a 24-year-old virgin.
Mario knew. And because of that, he was sure Peach knew, too… but for three months he’d been waltzing around that topic whenever it came up in conversation with his girlfriend. For all Daisy knew, Luigi could’ve slept with dozens of people. He never flat-out admitted his virginity to her, but he had also made sure to answer as generically as possible whenever she’d ask about his preferences:
“Oh, y’know… who DOESN’T like that sorta stuff?”
“Y-yeah, I was actually reading up on that the other day! Not–not in a creepy way, of course…”
“Huh? W-well, sure! I mean… y’know what they say: ‘the more, the merrier!’ Heh…”
Luigi had been running out of responses. And time.
Tonight, he would try his best. For Daisy.
On the bright side, he had an awesome day planned out just for the two of them. Brunch at the Beanbean Kingdom, and then an afternoon walk followed by a very romantic chariot escort back to the Mushroom Kingdom (Luigi had to pull a few strings). Finally, they had reservations at only the finest and fanciest steakhouse in all the land, known for their famous shareable 46-ounce short rib! He knew Daisy would have a ball with that.
Luigi had now accomplished what was probably the easiest part of today–perfecting his outward appearance. He thought if he looked the part, he might’ve been able to play it just as well.
“You’re suave,” he murmured to himself as he exited the bathroom, letting out all the shower steam in the process. “You’re suave and you’re sexy.”
“Uh… thanks, Lu, but that’s kind of a weird compliment to give to your brother.”
Luigi nearly jumped out of his skin with a yelp when he heard Mario’s voice, the sound cutting through the fog of anxiety that had been clouding his mind. When he looked up, he saw his big brother sitting at the kitchen table with a cup of coffee and the Mushroom Kingdom newspaper in his hand.
When Luigi finally calmed down, he chuckled with a tired smile. Mario was starting to look more and more like their father every day.
“Sorry, Mario…” he sighed as he rubbed his forehead and took a seat. “I was just, uh… hyping myself up for today, heh.”
Mario raised an eyebrow and set his paper down flat, placing all of his attention on his little brother. He could see the hint of worry on Luigi’s forehead.
“What’s today?” he asked curiously.
“I’m, uh… taking Daisy out on a date. It’s our three-month anniversary.”
“Woah, already?” Mario nearly stood up out of his chair, his expression lighting up with pride. “That’s amazing, Lu! Congrats, bro!”
Luigi’s face burned as he tried to hide a bashful grin. “Thanks…” He sighed again.
Mario continued to smile, overjoyed for his brother, but he quickly noticed that Luigi wasn’t quite matching that energy.
“Alright, so why the long face? You’re goin’ on a date with your girlfriend, what’s the matter?”
Luigi winced. He had been waiting for that question, but he was half-hoping Mario wouldn’t notice his anxiety. He was a fool to think anything could get past his big brother.
He sighed again, crossing his arms over the table just in case he had to bury his face into them at some point.
“Well…” he started, unable to maintain eye contact with the awkward subject rapidly approaching. “Tonight, I was planning on doin’ somethin’ a little… different. For Daisy.”
Different. Mario raised his eyebrows, catching on rather quickly.
“Okay…” he began, squinting a little. “How different are we talkin’?”
Luigi finally had the courage to look at his brother again, pursing his lips and making a face that communicated everything he couldn’t say with words.
“Oh.”
Mario’s single-syllabled reply was what triggered Luigi’s second spiral of the morning.
“It’s nowhere near what I had in mind for our anniversary, trust me!” he exclaimed as he stood up out of his chair and paced around the kitchen, gesturing like a wild turkey. “I don’t mind waiting! I wanted to wait! But lately, she’s been sending a lotta signals! She even asked me how I felt about roleplay!”
“Woah, Lu!” Mario covered one ear and cut his brother off before he could mentally scar him any further.
“Sorry, sorry!” Luigi apologized, shaking his head vigorously and waving off his own words as if he were swatting a fly. “I know it’s a weird subject, but… I have nobody else to talk to about this! I can’t go to Peach, she might tell Daisy! And I definitely can’t go to Dad; he’ll tell the whole family!”
Mario frowned watching his little brother crumble with embarrassment. After Luigi and Daisy started dating, he was actually expecting this conversation to happen at some point.
Luigi tried to regulate his breathing, but it was difficult. “What do I do, Mario?! She wants to take things to the next level, but I haven’t even unlocked that level yet! And I don’t think power-ups are gonna do me any good, here!”
“Alright, alright, calm down, Weeg,” Mario said as he rose from the table and placed a hand on Luigi’s shoulder. “Lemme ask you somethin’–do you wanna do this?” He pointed a finger toward his chest. “Yes or no?”
“... I don’t know. I mean… Yes, I do. Of course I do! It’s just… scary! What if I mess it up somehow? What if I do something wrong? Then Daisy would hate me forever and I’d have no choice but to move back in with Dad and Ma and I’d end up dying alone and–!”
“Lu!”
“Sorry.”
Mario sat them both back down at the table.
“Look. Just because Daisy’s ready for somethin’ like that doesn’t mean you have to be ready, too. It even took a while for me and Peach to be on the same page. But if you think you are ready, then talk about it with her. She needs to know this is new territory for you. It’ll make things easier for the both of ya.”
Luigi’s face went pale, as if Mario had just suggested he go and take a brisk stroll through a haunted graveyard.
“Are you nuts?!” he exclaimed, nearly flying out of his chair again (luckily, Mario kept him grounded with that hand on his shoulder). “Daisy can’t know I’m a virgin! N-not yet, at least!”
“What? Why not?”
“Because then she’d know how much of a loser I really am!” Luigi replied, a heavy tone of self-pity in his voice. “She might even break up with me on the spot!”
Mario sighed and rolled his eyes, growing tired of his brother’s dramatics. “Daisy’s not gonna break up with you, Lu. She loves you!”
“She loves who she thinks I am!” he bit back with a conspiratorial point of the finger. “What if she gets mad at me for lying? What if she only dates men with… experience?!”
“You’re being ridiculous, Weeg! Daisy’s not that kind of girl. She wouldn’t kick ya to the curb over something that stupid!”
Luigi wasn’t listening to reason anymore; tonight had to go well. And if that meant keeping his virginity a secret for one more evening, then so be it.
He stood up once more and shrugged with a rather panicked grin.
“No, no, it’s fine. I can just tell her after the fact! Maybe that way I won’t be so nervous! Or–or maybe she doesn’t ever have to know!” He began to walk away so he could finish getting ready for brunch. “I mean, technically I won’t be a virgin anymore after tonight! And then I’d have no reason to say anything at that point! IT’S FOOLPROOF!!!”
Mario couldn’t bear listening to Luigi’s evil plan anymore. He groaned and pulled his cap over his face and ears, letting his forehead hit the table with a soft thud.
“Mamma mia…” he mumbled into the surface.
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