Work Text:
i know that look, dear, eyes always seeking
was there in someone that dug long ago
so i will not ask you why you were creeping
in some sad way, i already know
-like real people do, hozier
the garden of eden, 4004 B.C
I look out at the vast beyond, the golden rays of the sun meeting with the horizon as it begins to rise, casting gentle beams. I can feel the feathery, dewy feeling of grass still fresh from the rain against my feet as I stand, taking in the morning. It's rather lovely. The glitter in the nearby ponds, the sounds of nature. I hope it can stay this way for quite some time. Perhaps not forever, because that would maybe get boring at some point.
I go over and sit beneath a tree, taking a moment to breathe the simple beauty of it all in. My hands settle in my lap and I fiddle with the gold signet ring around my littlest finger a little. I sigh contentedly.
Then, I hear a rustling from somewhere behind me. As far as I can ascertain, the only creatures here now since the Adam and Eve thing are myself, the animals, and Crawly. I pass it off as an animal and keep my head against the tree, resuming my tranquility, if you will. Then, I hear a rustling noise again, a little bit louder this time. Against my better nature, I want to investigate. I sigh again, a little less contentedly and more irritably, and sit up.
I push greenery away from my eyes as I venture towards of the source of the sound, careful not to tread upon any small animals.
I hear the rustling again, and as I turn my head, I see a flash of firey red curls and yellow eyes, before it's quickly hidden behind a tree. A smile tugs at the corners of my lips, but I try not to laugh. He's probably embarrassed already.
"Crawly?" I say.
I hear a gruff sigh, and he emerges on the other side of the tree.
"What are you doing, dear?" I can't stop a bit of a laugh coming out. I can practically see how far more red-fanned his cheeks become.
"Nothing." He quickly replies.
"That didn't look very much like nothing."
"It was nothing!" He defensively hisses.
I raise an eyebrow. "I'm not judging you, if that is what you think I'm doing."
"I didn't think you were judging me!"
"No?"
He growls. "No!"
We both stand there for a moment, and I can't stop smiling. He looks embarrassed and almost angry, but it's like he's trying to force the anger. Those flamboyant daffodil coloured eyes seem even brighter in the shadows.
"Here," I suddenly say, my mouth moving far faster than my corporeal brain, "you can join me. Come sit with me."
I hold out my hand for him to take to show him the nice spot I was previously occupying. His eyes shift ever so slightly as he looks down at my hand and become a little wider. He falters for a moment before reaching for my hand and barely grabbing it, just about grazing the tips of my fingers and nothing else.
"Your hand is warm." He babbles.
"I've been sitting in the sun. It's nice."
We arrive at the spot and I sit down. I pat the grass beside me, looking up at him as he falters again, looking away at the sky rather than the ground.
"Go on." I say.
He looks back at me again, almost surprised like he didn't expect that I would be there. He sits down cautiously, as if the ground was going to bite him or something. I suppose I couldn't blame him for being cautious or nervous, taking into consideration that he is a demon and from what I have heard of hell, it is like every single thing there is going to bite you or harm you in some way. It really does not sound fun.
"It's nice, isn't it?" I smile at him. "The sun? The grass? I've learned grass feels very nice after a rainfall."
"Hmm? Oh, er, yes. It's very nice. The sun's nice." He replies, looking away again, but I can see his slitted pupils sneaking back over to look at me through his hair.
"Do you like the warmth?" I ask.
"It's alright. It makes me feel… Well, warmer than usual, I guess. I'm pretty cold a lot of the time even with this robe."
I quirk an eyebrow. "Oh?"
He flaps a hand dismissively and sputters. "Weird… snake… thing. Can't generate heat internally, so stuff like sunshine is the best source of warmth I can probably get."
"How curious."
We sit there a while, the breeze gently blowing.
"Here," I offer, "let's lay down together. It'll be nice."
I lay down first and I prompt him to follow me in the action. He slowly, stiffly, lays his back on the ground. He looks up at the sky, eyes tracing the clouds.
"I'm still getting used to this." He comments.
"It's rather lovely. I daresay I prefer it over Heaven– it's so much more… lively."
"It's brighter up here. Don't really get a view like this downstairs."
I grimace a little. "Upstairs doesn't have much of a view either. Far too stark for my taste."
It almost feels wrong to say this about Heaven and all, but it is, in all honesty, true. I dislike how white and stark Heaven is. Everything is so uniform all the time. I miss the times before… before the War and all that silliness. Getting to see stars everyday. It was quite beautiful. At night here in Eden, I really enjoy looking up at the sky and seeing the stars.
I know Crawly likes stars, too.
Maybe I should offer for him to look at the stars with me sometime. I wonder if that would hurt too much. No, why would it… No. Oh, it's all too complicated. I sigh a little, trying to think of something else to say. Blast it.
"Crawly?" I eventually say.
"Yeah?"
"Do you…" I hesitate, wondering if what I'm wanting to ask is insensitive. "Do you, er, miss… being an angel?"
It goes silent for a long while.
"Nah." He eventually replies.
"Not at all?"
"Not even the littlest. I hardly remember it, really."
I look over at him. He's looking up at the unlimited opalite coloured sky, and he looks like he's thinking of things that he hadn't thought of in a long time. I wonder if he is lying.
"I don't suspect you enjoy being a demon?"
He grunts. "I dunno. It's not the kind of thing you enjoy, but I've gotten used to it. You have to, eventually. If you don't get used to it…" He trails off, manages to shrug. "I don't think Hell is very fun for people who aren't used to it. I mean…" He sputters. "It's not very fun either way, but it's a little easier if you know what to expect from those people."
"Hm." I hum. "So, what I gather is that you are used to it?"
"I guess."
"I've heard rather awful things. About Hell, I mean."
"Heaven really isn't all that much better, angel. The only thing stopping them from doing the things Hell does is the fact that they're supposed to be the good ones."
I pause.
"We are the good ones." I say quietly, though something sneaks into my voice that makes me sound uncertain. I wring my hands together. Of course we are. We help people. We're supposed to be the source of faith and light and good.
Crawly snorts. "Oh, don't I know that feeling."
He turns his head to face me and he smiles slightly.
"Don't let me be the one to shake your faith, though, sunshine. I can already tell you like to see the good in everything, considering that you're giving me of all people a chance."
"I…" I begin, but I don't know how to continue.
I look into his eyes, and they almost look distant. Like he is still recalling memories long forgotten and buried, memories that he truly does not want to actually recall. I think he can remember at least some of his time as an angel, and that he is lying when he says he doesn't miss it at all. I suspect he longs to see his stars again, to see his nebulas, to be able to feel or even be offered touch by another being without fearing that it'll be a lash, to not live every day with the slightest underlying fear that at any time you could be punished for anything, to feel what it's like to be… to be loved.
He laughs lightly.
"Yeah."
It goes silent for a little while I think. I avoid looking into his eyes for some reason that I can't quite place.
"I don't understand, though. I don't understand how… how you're…" I trail off, struggling to find the correct words to express my thoughts. I finally look back up at his face, and his dark angled brow is shooting upwards rapidly.
"I'm?…" He prompts.
"Oh, God." I mutter, hardly paying attention to the small bit of blasphemy I just commited. "I don't know. I don't understand how you are a demon, and yet you're…" I sigh, irritably. "You're enjoyable to be with, I suppose? Not as bad as I would expect a demon to be?"
"Well." He replies. "We've only been together a day or so. You can't really make solid judgements."
"… Fair point." I shrug.
"I appreciate it, though." Crawly adds. "I really try to make an effort, you know. You don't seem so bad either."
I laugh a bit. "Didn't you just say you can't really make solid judgements?"
"Eh." He hums, shrugs and smiles a little mischievously.
We lay there for a while in a comfortable silence. I can't help but look at the side of his face, tracing his angular features with my eyes. The sharp point of his nose and lips, his cheekbones, and his eyes. I'll be the first to admit his eyes startled me at first, but the more and more I get to look at them, I find myself captivated. They starkly contrast with his skin, yet go incredibly well with his hair, warm and hot coloured. They look like they have seen and know so much and his soft eyelids perfectly frame them just the right amount.
I wonder how he feels about his eyes. If he avoids looking into ponds or any other reflective surface. I'm almost inclined to ask, but I want to keep this comfortable silence a little while longer and I can always, of course, ask later. It seems that this is not our last meeting.
I break the silence with a different question.
"… Were you watching me?" I ask.
"What- no!" He responds all too quickly, sitting up and scrambling back, taking a defensive position.
I sit up quickly, holding my hands out. "No, no! I'm sorry, dear boy, I didn't mean that to be accusatory. I was just wondering."
His hands stay in that defensive position, but I see his shoulders and eyes soften as he looks down and breathes out and hesitates.
"I- er… Maybe."
"Can I ask why? You needn't tell me if you don't want to, though."
He struggles. "I dunno."
"That's okay. I don't mind, really." I smile at him, and after a moment's hesitation, he smiles back.
For some strange reason, I really felt no difference between Crawly and I. I could smile at him, and he could smile at me. He and I laid back down onto the dewy blades of grass, his rusty ringlets sprawling out. I stretch my hands out, feeling the soft ground beneath me, closing my eyes. I feel absolutely at peace, here in the Garden, birdsong in the trees, with Crawly by my side, feeling no different from him. I could stay like this for a long while and be perfectly content.
I feel the soft ghost of his hand against mine, just barely touching. His hand was surprisingly soft.
It was a nice day.