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“Y’know, Tommy, I still don’t get why you care so much about the discs.”
Tommy clenches his fists. He’s had this talk with Phil before. He didn’t tell him the whole truth because—because he wouldn’t understand. Tommy isn’t sure Technoblade will either, and he doesn’t want to be brushed off again.
He remembers being a little kid, all alone on the streets, only the clothes on his back to call his own. It was so hard to keep anything so Tommy just kept what he had close to his chest. They were his, they were the only things he had.
He remembers when Wilbur picked him up and took him home. He gave him a sweater that was way too big and a comm of his own. He tried to give them back to Wil but he wouldn’t take them and eventually Tommy got used to having something that was his.
He clutched his comm tightly every night, because every thing that Tommy owned was proof that he was important, that he was a person who deserved to have things.
Philza and Technoblade also gave him stuff. A notebook and a sword respectively. They were small gifts, nothing anyone would have given a second thought. But Tommy loved them because they were proof someone loved him.
He still has them, that jacket Wilbur gave him, the notebook from Philza (actually where the first draft of How to Sex is), the sword Technoblade taught him to fight with. When Tommy got to use his first enderchest, those were the things he put inside.
Then he met Tubbo. A boy full of sunshine and hope for the world, a chaotic force that was like Tommy’s second half. They were brothers. He didn’t need anything from Tubbo because he knew he’d always have Tubbo.
Around that time he also got the discs, they were the first thing he’d gotten by himself. They were a symbol of his independence, of his growth. And after the Disc War with Dream, they were a symbol of victory. They were something Tommy could wave around saying “I did it! I won something!”
And then Exile happened and Tommy was back at the beginning. He was back at that point where he had nothing and no one except for Dream.
Every time Dream blew up his things, every time he lost his hard earned progress he felt less like a person and more like a shade that walked around the earth with nothing grounding him.
It hurt, but still through that time he had Wilbur’s jacket, Phil’s notebook, Techno’s sword, and the discs but he didn’t have Tubbo anymore.
When Ghostbur came to him one day, a compass in hand engraved with Your Tubbo, he almost cried tears of joy and chucked it across the room. He had something from Tubbo, something that symbolized his best friend but at the same time…were they even friends anymore?
He almost threw it into the lava, almost destroyed it willingly despite the fact that Tommy had never destroyed something that was his without good cause. He almost did, but then Dream convinced him not to. He held out for that false (was it really false?) hope that Tubbo was still his friend until the end, but even still that compass is a gift and a reminder of things Tommy doesn’t like to think about.
So in his enderchest; a jacket, a notebook, a sword, the discs, and a compass.
A reminder of his big brother, dead then revived. A reminder of his father, sometimes there and sometimes not. A reminder of his older brother, who told him to die like a hero but took care of him after exile. A reminder that Tommy wasn’t that scared little kid anymore, that he could do things by himself. A reminder of his other half, a person who chose him until he didn’t.
And while throughout his life, the discs importance have been wildly blown out of proportion by everyone else, they are important to Tommy because they are his.
He remembers Philza’s words. “There are more important things in this world than just material items…people are way more important.” And all Tommy can think is how he values his things because they are what make him a person and what connect him to other people. When Wilbur was dead he clung to his brother’s sweater every night in bed, pretending it was his first night with him. When he would miss Phil he would write in his notebook silly stuff that he knew would make his dad laugh. When Techno was gone he would train with his sword to show off when his brother came back.
And now he listens to his discs with longing for the past. With acknowledgment that he’s grown from the person he was into someone…else. Whether that’s a good or bad thing, Tommy still doesn’t now yet.
But he looks at Tubbo’s compass and even if Tommy can’t be there with him, he can always find his Tubbo. And if that’s good or bad, Tommy can’t decide.
He spares a glance a Techno who’s already gotten distracted by another task. He definitely hasn’t forgotten that he asked Tommy a question. He took too long to respond though which probably indicated to Techno that this was going to become an argument or that Tommy just wasn’t going to respond.
Instead of doing either of those things, though, Tommy takes a deep breath and answers something close enough to the truth.
“They’re mine.”