Archive of Our Own

the binding of isaac and mewgenics take place in the same town, which means as recently as 15 years ago (not a long time!) most pet cats in boon county were normal. dr beanies obviously has a hand in the un-normalization process by releasing a bunch of fucked up cats into the world, but as he says, hes been at it for 35 years, so its obviously not entirely his doing. some time between 2011 and 2026 Something happened that gave cats magic, which had a bunch of cascading effects:

• cats are now capable of complex thought
• they are also capable of speech
• they can use tools despite lacking opposable thumbs
• they are extremely susceptible to mutation, introduction of parts from other animals, or amalgamating objects into their bodies
• extra coat colors have been introduced (pink and muddy green) alongside regular cat colors
• and they can use magic (obviously)

i am not here to speculate on what precisely happened because i dont care. lets discuss what these neo-cats (as i will call them to distinguish from domestic cats pre-event/in real life) are like biologically

having and expressing complex thought is like the second most interesting thing about neo-cats for me personally. there are cats in this game making cultural references and wordplay. the thing is unfortunately its not every interesting to go "and we know they understand this concept because..." so here are some lines i quite enjoy:

• basically anything guillotina or guillotina 2 says
• "You can prepare all you want, but if you never roll the dice, you'll never be a winner!" — gambit
• "I'll hide, you guys attack!" — a thief entering a boss fight
• "I want you to print this cipher on your tombstone!" — zodiac
• "Just give me a few turns and I'll do something, I swear!" — a mage entering a boss fight
• "After I'm done with you, you'll B-Flat!" — a druid entering a boss fight
• "It was a long journey, but I'm glad we're back!" — a collarless cat after an adventure
• "Ever seen Scanners? Well that's what's gonna happen! The head explosion thing! Yeah!" — a psychic entering a boss fight
• "I just wanna go home... The sun is too bright... There's too many bugs... It's cold." — a tinkerer going home early
• "The path of the righteous man is beset on all sides by the iniquities of the selfish and the tyranny of evil men." — a cleric entering a boss fight
• "We won with the power of friendship! Yaay!" — a druid after an adventure

people who have played the game may see a wrinkle here in that neo-cats actually produce audible speech as well, and most of it is cat noises. which is true! but anyone who has played the game for an extended period will also recoil at the sound of this:

but there are also these:

so some neo-cats can evidently verbally communicate in english. for the sake of my sanity lets say the reason most dont is the same reason feral cats dont meow (they can communicate fine to their peers). or maybe it requires more use of magic (maybe neo-cats dont have human vocal chords) and most simply dont feel like putting in the effort

also interesting to note is neo-cats can be born with or develop dyslexia, tourettes, impostor syndrome, eating disorders, gambling addictions, and triskaidekaphobia. these all require higher cognitive functions, particularly dyslexia and triskaidekaphobia which require being able to read and count respectively

okay it took us this long to get to one of the core game mechanics of mewgenics. yes, the neo-cats are extremely mutable, but why? i think the same magic that turned them into neo-cats made their bodies less stable than regular cats. theyre literally like when you try to touch stuff with wet hands you just pick up all sorts of crap. this is also why neo-cats can shrug off injuries so easily

like most of these would be severe impairments for normal cats, but a neo-cat just gets up and is like "yuuuup guess thats part of me now". this is also why jinxed and cursed are injuries, theyre literally attacks on the fabric holding their bodies together!

obviously it doesnt help that neo-cats seem to really enjoy getting into toxic waste but thats beside the point

remember a few paragraphs ago when i said intellect is my second favorite thing about neo-cats? this is my favorite. im normal and have put a normal amount of thought into this

just so everyone is on the same wavelength as me, the things we know about neo-cat breeding from the game itself are:

• neo-cats have three sexes: female, male, and a secret third thing which has been called "neutral", "non-binary", and "ditto gender" by devs (we will say neutral for simplicity)
• sex is picked from a flat rate of 45% female, 45% male, and 10% neutral
• neo-cats can be straight, bisexual, or lesbian/gay
• neutral neo-cats can produce viable offspring with any of the sexes
• the timeline of breeding to offspring is hours (or seconds in real-life time; they appear overnight is the main point)
• neo-cat litters are one OR two kittens
• neo-kittens appear to be 3-6 months old rather than newborns
• neo-kittens become adult neo-cats in ~24 hours

i swear to god all of this info is important for the discussion im not just regurgitating the wiki because im autistic about this game.

so lets start with the most obvious conclusion first. the existence of gay (ie recreational) sex implies penile spines have been bred out. and, yknow, this makes sense! if youre sentient theres no reason you would go "hmm yes i want the Awful sex that Hurts Me instead of epic lesbian sex"

second. the neo-kitten hyperbolic time chamber. as weve discussed neo-cats can do magic so the accelerated gestation and aging of neo-kittens makes the most sense if we assume that is probably magic as well. since the recipient neo-cat does not show visible signs of pregnancy, lets say neo-kittens are made in a pocket dimension of sorts where they undergo most of their early development. (fans of a certain flash game may find this concept familiar) they are then born to recieve some love and affection (combat training) from their parents and the rest of the neo-cats in the household before they grow into an adult. the quick child to adult pipeline is likely also magic

a bonus effect of the neo-kitten hyperbolic time chamber is that some cats come out neutral. because embryos default to female, if a cat that was going to be male does some frame perfect speedrun tricks in the pocket dimension their sexual development is interrupted and they are instead neutral. neutral cats straight up just have both female and male genitals and both male and female pheromones

and a bonus effect of THAT bonus effect is that lesbian/gay cats can participate in breeding! since neutral cats have both the same sex pheromone to initiate attraction in a gay/lesbian cat AND the opposite sex genitalia to breed. a bug accidentally becomes a feature!

the reason neo-cat litters are only 1 or 2 kittens as opposed to the 4-8 of regular cats is a two-pronged issue: first, since both the parents and neo-kitten(s) have more complex thoughts, parent have to devote more energy per neo-kitten to make sure it grows up alright. second, i imagine magicing a neo-cat out of nothing is quite taxing, and maybe a powerful neo-cat can create two at once, but three? AND they have to go beat the shit out of pyrophina later? get real