Archive of Our Own

Keigo, 3-17 years old

Keigo had seen more of the dark underbelly of the world at twelve than most people do in their entire lifetimes.

His father, Takami, taught him how to steal before he was quite old enough to attend elementary school. Likewise, his mother, Tomie, taught him how to fly under law enforcement’s radar, and better yet, how to manipulate men to get what he wants. That last part was implicit until he got a little older, but it stuck just as well as any of the more concrete lessons his father beat into him.

Takami once killed a man over a petty wad of not quite enough cash to cover a cheap car. If there was a single fact that could sum up most of his character, it was that. 

A life in poverty taught him that every dollar matters, and in a world where everything's kill or be killed, human life hardly equates to the value of any amount of cash to him. Poverty-reinforced risk aversion taught him that everything he had was worth killing over. 

In a squalid, cheap apartment without working air conditioning, plumbing, or Internet access, the few possessions they still had to lose were precious.

Pick pocketing, shoplifting, murder over small sums – that's what the Takami family name has come to be known for. They have the talent to kill and the survival instincts to get away with it, but not the wisdom to know any better. 

In the wild, Harris’s Hawks, the species the Takami family owes their avian traits to, hunt in familial packs. The adolescents quietly lead prey to the parents, who finish them off. While Takami was still alive, his household operated in a very similar way.

Since roughly the age of three, Keigo knew how to approach a stranger, how to garner their sympathy, and how to rob them for all they were worth. He wasn't otherwise allowed to go outside. Sometimes, he agreed to steal and cheat just to feel the sunlight on his skin or to chance a look at a hero so he could daydream about them saving him.

But he didn't complain. He was a perfect little soldier. He knew how to do what he was told. Everything outside of that was a fantasy.

When Keigo's mother was arrested by Endeavor, everything fell apart.

She was so loyal to Takami that she pled guilty to everything, so the bastard got off scot-free.

Endeavor, whom Keigo had spent so long fantasizing about taking his father away, had taken his mother away, instead.

He'd never been more under Takami’s thumb.

Once, Keigo was out scouting for fools with loose pockets with his father when a car accident took place before their eyes. 

Using his feathers, Keigo saved the drivers and their passengers from their burning cars. 

He thought,

Maybe if I save these people, my dad will see that my quirk could do more than just hurt people. I'm tired of being a weapon, Papa. Can't you see that? 

But he didn't notice. No one did.

Keigo tried to bring it up once, but all his father had to say was,

Dammit, Keigo. You never learn.

That was when Keigo started training to be a hero on his own. He would rather die than learn to go quietly. He knew silence too damn well, and he was sick of it. He was ready for something new. Something exciting. Something that meant something. 

He trained his body wherever he could, and when his father passed out, he patrolled the streets to save people.

He kept the money coming so his father could afford to get wasted enough for Keigo to entertain his habit.

It was grueling, but for once, he had a purpose. The pain, the misery, the fear, the loneliness – it mattered. It was the first time in his life that anything he did had a lasting impact that didn't involve handing a few barely significant bills over to his dad or burying a body. 

It was all going great until his mother died of AIDS while in prison, and something inside snapped for both Keigo and his father.

The beatings took a darker turn. Dark bruises turned into broken bones, and scuffed-up feathers became torn-up wings. 

He couldn't save anyone if he couldn't even save himself.

To make it worse, his father's drunk episodes stopped being a time Keigo could slip away, since Takami started becoming clingy during them.

The inevitable progression started small.

Don't you want to cuddle your father, Keigo?

It turned into a dark haze of Keigo lying there and staring into space while his father brushed up against his back in a motion he pretended he didn't recognize from his mom's old raunchy TV shows.

Why are you so set on being a boy? You made such a beautiful girl. Whatever happened to my little girl? I miss her.

The night Takami tried to take Keigo’s virginity, he slit both of their throats.

He wasn't sure why he did it. He just… snapped. 

Keigo survived, but his father wasn't so lucky.

He was thirteen by then.

He didn't know what to do with himself.

He never imagined a different life for himself beyond what his parents demanded of him. He'd hardly been allowed to. At the time, it felt impossible for him to have a future that didn't involve chipping away at heroes aimlessly, pick-pocketing any time he could get away with it, living in the shadows, and building up walls of bodies between himself and the world.

That was when he started sleeping with them.

It gave him a sense of power to get in bed with heroes, to make them confess their sins to him, to use it all to justify the truth he already knew deep inside –

The world was shitty. No one was as good as they acted on TV. Behind every closed door was a secret, whether it was hidden child abuse, decades-old rape hush money payouts, portfolios of accepted bribes, or the looming guilt of loved ones killed by negligence…

Keigo had heard it all.

Everyone sucked, the world was awful, and every damn hero on the planet, if rubbed in the right way, would spill their guts just to hear a pretty thing say it was all justified.

They just wanted validation.

Every politician, every hero, every cop, all secretly wanted to lay their sins bare and cash in on a whore’s reassurance like it was a special reward for their honesty, or perhaps just for giving a sob story like him a place to sleep for the night. 

All Keigo had to do was get in bed with them and whisper like a serpent that their secrets were safe with him and that he'd never judge them.

They were all so fucking easy.

When Twice told Keigo about a hero who had come around asking to join the League, Keigo rose to the challenge. He's barely even old enough to have his provisional licence, but he's already a seasoned pro, apparently. 

A legacy, they call him. His father is a hero. Endeavor.

Keigo latches onto that thought like a moth to a flame.

Perhaps he’s a hero with a dark side. He is flirting with the world of villains, after all. Or perhaps he's just a spy seeking intelligence from enemy lines.

Whatever he was, Keigo wants to be the one to crack him open. He wants to corrupt him, if he isn't corrupted already, and sully the Todoroki family name by rendering their firstborn golden boy a pretty street villain wrapped around the finger of a paid whore.

It only took a few months for Keigo to get Touya into his bed – they're both horny teenagers. It's hardly even a challenge. It takes another few to get Touya to cough anything up, but when he does, all he has to say is that his father used to abuse him, and that he let him get away with it because he was scared.

That’s his dirty little secret, the thing that kept him up at night. 

That someone else abused him.

He was a fucking saint.

How could Keigo have killed him after a confession like that?

Maybe he should have. 

Instead, he went and fell in love with someone he could never have at the ripe age of seventeen.

When he thinks about it, he hears it in his late old man’s voice,

Dammit, Keigo. You never learn.

~~~~

“That's it?” Keigo asks, barely containing a shocked laugh.

“It's not funny,” Touya whispers. “I just… I've never told anyone that before, and you're… smiling?”

Keigo shakes himself out of it, trying and failing at not being a dick. “No, sorry, it just… caught me off guard, is all. Now is usually the part where you tell me you murdered a puppy or something.”

Touya manages a small smile. His eyes are still teary.

He's so beautiful, Keigo thinks, and immediately squashes that line of thought before it can go any further.

“My dad was an asshole, too,” Keigo finds himself admitting. “Beat me, yelled at me, the whole nine yards. I killed him.”

Touya kisses his head softly. He probably thinks Keigo’s joking. He isn't. “Wish you'd killed mine, too.”

“I could,” Keigo offers. “Just ask.”

Touya pulls away. “The fuck?”

Keigo grins, propping himself up on his elbow to look at Touya from above. “Don't act surprised, Hot Stuff. Don't tell me you agreed to spy on me without reading my criminal rap sheet. I'm not lying. I slit his throat when he tried to take my virginity. I gave it instead to the cop who came around asking where I was the night he died.”

Touya’s mouth hangs open, and he sputters, “I'm sorry, what?”

Keigo just smiles and shrugs.

Of all the secrets shared between him and the strangers he brought to his bed before, none of them had ever been his own. 

It feels nice to be the one to be a little too loose-lipped, for once. 

Touya, like the saint he was, offered Keigo a mercy he wouldn't have offered in return by letting him speak his truth without killing him over it.

Sure, he didn't slit his throat, but the bastard got him pregnant, which, in its own way, is worse.

~~~~

Early into Keigo’s time without his father around to tell him what to do, he slept with a man who turned out to be a doctor. 

When he asked if he could fuck Keigo raw, Keigo insisted using a condom because of his HIV, and the man helped him get on anti-retrovirals. From then on, his HIV became quite well-controlled. He's good about taking his meds and keeping up on testing, so long as there are underground ways to do it.

The first person he's ever met who's also HIV positive is Touya. It's been a weird bonding thing for them.

“How did you get infected?” Keigo asks one day, while Touya is taking his morning dose of anti-retrovirals. “If you're comfortable sharing, I mean.”

Touya looks down, then around the room, before his eyes finally land on Keigo’s. He drums his fingernails against the bathroom counter as he says, “When I was twelve, I lost control of my quirk. I was taken in critical condition to this sketchy underground orphanage thing. They gave me a shit ton of skin graphs from random people. At least one was HIV positive.”

“Oh,” Keigo mutters. “That's rough.”

“Yeah,” Touya agrees, with a smile in his voice, despite everything. He's such an optimist. “I would have already been immunocompromised after the procedure, since I have to take immunosuppressants so my body doesn't attack all the replacement organs they gave me, so having HIV on top of it is just the icing on the cake. My poor immune system.”

“Talk about adding insult to injury,” Keigo comments, dryly. He wraps an arm around Touya's side and puts his head on his shoulder, and in the mirror, they almost look like a married couple. He isn't sure how he feels about that.

“Yeah,” Touya laughs under his breath. “It's rough. How about you? How'd you get saddled with the lifelong plague?”

Keigo smiles and scans the mirror, letting his eyes wander while he thinks. “I got it from my mother, either through the birth process or through breastfeeding later.”

“Wow,” Touya says. “It really is the lifelong plague for you.”

Keigo simply nods with a shrug. "Yup."

“So,” Touya sneaks a playful glance over at Keigo. “I'm assuming if you've had it for that long, you've never had raw sex.”

“Nope,” Keigo confirms. "Never wanted to risk it, even with all the ARTs. Have you?"

“Nope, but if we’re both positive..." Touya begins, and Keep grasps his meaning with a burst of excitement that the thought of getting frisky with Touya always gives him. Maybe if he was feeling introspective, he'd look into that, but he's inclined to stay ignorant.

“We could… test it out,” Keigo grins, running his eyes over Touya in the mirror. “See how it feels…”

Famous last words. 

~~~~

On the second week of throwing his guts up every morning, Keigo takes the test. 

He knows the symptoms. Everyone knows the symptoms. 

Morning sickness, soreness, overwhelming reactions to smells, cravings, mood swings…

He isn't one of those people who would live in denial and try to convince themselves they aren't pregnant. 

It doesn't matter how sure he is that he hasn't missed any birth control pills. He knows he's been careful, especially since he's been having raw sex, but sometimes birth control fails. It's better to face the music than to live in denial about something like this. The symptoms at least warrant a test.

After a morning of vomiting into a gas station toilet and feeling sore all over, he buckles down and flies to the pharmacy. He moves on autopilot, carefully avoiding any heroes or police officers who might recognize him.

It isn't until he's starting when the pregnancy tests in the maternity aisle that the reality finally crashes down on him. 

It's too late to go back now. The only way is forward. Best case scenario, the symptoms are all in his head, and he can put his anxiety to rest. Worst case, he'll just learn about a pregnancy that would exist whether he knows about it or not. It's better to know the truth so he can decide what to do about it.

He uses his feathers to steal a few tests and hides in the pharmacy’s bathroom. Not for the first time, he wishes he had a more private space, but he doesn't, and certainly won't any time soon. 

He's still couch surfing. His favorite bar tender sometimes allows him to crash at the club after closing, but most of the time, Keigo just has to get creative every day about where to spend the night.

He makes plenty of money dealing in sex and murder, but it isn't like he can report that income to a landlord or land application. It would raise serious flags to the government for him, as someone who's technically unemployed on paper, to report scraping together few million yen in cash every month. He'd be arrested for sure.

No, his only option is to take the tests in the public pharmacy bathroom, so that's what he does.

With a bitter, empty sigh, he realizes he doesn't even know how to use it. He feels stupid reading the instructions on the box. Everyone in the movies already seems to know how to do it. Maybe everyone does, and he’s just the one living under a rock.

He ends up following the box instructions down to the letter. Then, he waits for the test to do its thing.

In the meantime, he opens up his phone and hovers over Touya’s contact name.

Should he tell Touya? Is that the procedure when suspecting a friend with benefits might be his baby daddy? Is that what people are supposed to do?

He had assured Touya that he was on the pill. Would Touya think he was lying about that if he really is pregnant? 

Would he leave? 

Keigo can't bear the thought.

In the end, the anxiety wins out, and he turns his phone off. 

He looks back at the test, and there it is.

Positive.

He clenches his fists.

Just the foolish hope that it was a false positive, he takes a few more tests. 

Positive, positive, and yes, very positive. 

He grips the sink hard and splashes water into his face.

Stupid stupid stupid stupid. 

His vision tunnels, and his shoulders shake. 

Being pregnant is a death sentence. He doesn't have anywhere to go. He doesn't have a doctor. There isn't anywhere he could realistically go to get an abortion.

Maybe he can carry the baby to term and then drop them off on someone's doorstep. That's what happens in movies, right? 

He knows movies won't give him the answers he needs, but it's not like he has anything else that could. He's completely alone.

His stomach clenches at the thought of all the shit he'd been taking. 

Is meth a teratogen, like alcohol or marijuana? Could it have fucked up the baby? Does he even care if it fucked up the baby? Is he really thinking about keeping it?

He was born with fetal alcohol syndrome. He knows firsthand how much it sucks. He doesn't want that for his baby. Not that he cares. Not that it matters.

But deep down, he knows it does.

His mother had also given him HIV, but she didn't even know she had it at the time. No one did until it was AIDS, and by then, it was too late for the antiretrovirals to help her as much as they helped Keigo.

He misses her so much.

He hates Endeavor for taking her away and leaving him alone with his monster of a father.

While Keigo and his father were on the streets, pick-pocketing and having nocturnal borderline-sexual excursions, Tomie languishing in a prison cell without adequate treatment.

Keigo was left to take his father's beatings without having anyone to help him pick up the pieces afterward. He wished for her then. He wishes for her now.

He misses her so much.

It’s weird that the HIV is the only thing of his mother's he still carries with him. He wishes he knew more about her before she died. He wants to get to know her. He wants another chance to love her properly.

He wonders about what she did when she discovered that she was pregnant with him. 

Had she wanted to be comforted by her own mother?

It feels like pregnancy is something a mother should help their children see through. He wishes she were here.

Tears slowly well up in Keigo's eyes at the thought.

He missed her so much. It hurts that she can't hold him anymore. It hurts that he'll never be able to tell her he's pregnant, or get advice on what to do about it. 

What do I do, Mom? Please come back. I can't do this alone. Mom?

He’s a grown man with several pregnancy tests spread out in front of him, holding onto the sink for dear life in a public bathroom, crying because he wants his mom. He really is pathetic.

“Get it together, Hawks,” he hisses to himself. “You're such a fucking welp.”

He pushes away from the sink and discreetly disposes of the pregnancy tests before heading out of the bathroom, keeping his head down. He doesn't want anyone to get a good look at his eyes and see his red-rimmed edges, or the easily identifiable birthmarks.

He just wants his mom.

Is that too much to ask? 

Clearly, it is, because she isn't here, and he's all alone. Figures.

~~~~

The withdrawals set in a few hours later, and Keigo is tired, hungry, and anxious enough to be bordering on panic by sunset.

He doesn't want to sleep on the streets in this state, and the easiest way to secure a space to sleep is to spend it in someone else's bed, so he puts on the sluttiest combination of clothing articles he can whip up from his rented storage closet and waltzes into the nightclub where the majority of his memories from the last few years have taken place.

“Soju?” The bartender, Giran, asks when Keigo enters. 

Keigo shakes his head. “I'm getting sober. Got any water?”

“Of course,” Girann offers him a smile, raking his eyes over Keigo’s body hungrily. “Congrats on your sobriety. Let's pray it lasts this time. I hope that doesn't mean I'll be seeing you less from now on, though. I'd hate to lose such a sight for sore eyes.”

“Ah, you're too kind,” Keigo waves him off, politely. “And nah, I'm still sticking around. Alcohol or not, I still want hookups.”

“Is that your plan for tonight?”

“As always,” Keigo grins. No one at the bar knows he's only seventeen. He's keeping that little secret tucked far away. When anyone comments on how young he looks, he just tells them all trans guys do, and that tends to make them feel awkward enough to let it go. “It would be nice if I could find someone who’ll pay, but honestly, I’ll settle for anything that'll put a roof over my head tonight. It's fucking freezing out there. Do you know of anyone looking for a fling?”

“There's a hero sniffing around. You like messing around with their kind, don't you?”

“You know me so well,” Keigo smiles slyly, turning around to scan over the crowd. “Who is this hero you speak of?”

Giran flicks his finger forward to discretely point, and Keigo's eyes snap in that direction.

He frowns. It's just Touya. It's no one new.

“Oh, Nova?” – the shortened version of for Touya's hero name, Supernova – “Yeah, I know him. What's he up to now?”

Giran looks perplexed. “You’re familiar?”

“Oh yeah. He's a big softie.”

“Careful,” Giran warns, his voice suddenly low and severe. “I don't want you getting hurt. I know you like playing around with them, but he's a high ranking commission pet. He's not going to arrest you, is he? He seems just to be looking for a drink and to chat, but he could be undercover. Don't be an idiot.”

“He won't hurt me. He's got a soft spot for little birdies.”

He's my baby daddy.

Keigo doesn't say that, though.

Giran makes a face. “Nothin’ wrong with a hook-up, kid, but I don't want you getting attached. You'll end up with your heart broken, and I don't want that to happen.”

“Me? Nah, I'm a professional. I'll be fine.”

It's not like it can get any worse, at this point. He's already pregnant, HIV positive, and knees deep in methamphetamine withdrawals. He isn't sure there is a such thing as worse than that.

“Alright,” Giran relents, at length. “But be safe. Come back here and pretend to order something alcoholic if he causes you any trouble. That's the signal. Got it?”

“Yes, mom,” Keigo teases, turning away from him. He pretends it’s just for getting another look at Touya and certainly not because he needs a moment of silence to grieve just from encountering the word ‘mom.' That would be really sad.

“Remember to use protection!” Giran yells as Keigo starts walking away.

Too late for that.

“I will!” Keigo shouts back over his shoulder, flashing a bright smile. “Don't worry your pretty little head about me! I've got a hero to bother. Stuff to do. Wish me luck!”

Giran waves goodbye with a chuckle, and Keigo walks over to Touya, relishing in the way the hero’s eyes snap to him immediately.

The hero blushes as he meets Keigo’s eyes, deliberately trying to keep his gaze from trailing down to Keigo’s excessively bare skin.

He’s wearing low-waisted skinny jeans and a crop top. Instead of a usual chest binder, he’s just using tape. He wanted to enjoy clothes like that while they last. As soon as he starts showing, they won't be an option anymore.

If he kept the baby that long, that is. He still hasn't really made a decision yet.

He reaches up, pretending it’s just to get his hair out of his eyes, and definitely not to flash Touya. 

He slumps into the spot next to the hero and pulls one leg up to his chest, spreading the other out indolently. “Hero! Didn't think I'd be seeing you around here today!”

“Are you drunk?”

“What's it to you?” Keigo asks, still smiling. 

He really hadn't had anything to drink at all. It's just that he's heavy into withdrawals, and the moment he stops smiling, the bags under his eyes and exhaustion in his shoulders will be too obvious. He's more approachable looking like a drunken slut, than as the zombie he feels like internally, and he needs to look affordable if he wants a roof to sleep under.

“You know how I feel about you mixing alcohol with whatever else you're on,” Touya chides, an air of concern to his voice.

“Aw, are you worried about me, hero? How sweet. But here's a little secret for you, though,” Keigo whispers flirtatiously. He leans into Touya’s side and stops just before the hero’s ear comes within nibbling range. “I can handle myself just fine. I've dealt with much bigger, scarier men than you – not to mention the other heroes I've taken with a lot more violence in their blood than you.”

“I'm not the golden boy you think I am.”

“Don't be modest,” Keigo quips, still smiling. ‘You know you're a sunshine babe. If you weren't, you wouldn't be asking what I'm on, but what I'm willing to get under.”

He really is trying his best to play the part, but Touya keeps breaking the script by awkwardly averting his eyes and swallowing thickly. “Keigo, I'm not here for a hookup tonight.”

“Oh?” Keigo looks around. “What are you here for, then?”

“A mission,” Touya confesses, quietly. “Can we do favors for favors? If you can help me find someone here named Slidin’ Go, I'll help you get whatever you're looking for.”

“You already said you weren't looking for a hookup tonight,” Keigo says. “And that's what I'm here for, so…”

Touya’s eyebrows knit together. “You're not here for a hook-up. Kei, look at me.”

Keigo tries to bat Touya’s hand away as the hero cups his cheek and raises it to meet his eyes, but once gold finds blue, Keigo is trapped, unable to look away. 

Touya looks concerned in a way that makes Keigo feel exposed a lot more than just physically. He swallows nervously. “Touya?”

“What's wrong?” Touya asks, hardly more than a gentle whisper. “Your eyes… and you're shivering.”

Keigo swallows again, having lost his words for a moment. His eyes are probably still red and glassy. He hopes he doesn't have eye bags, but he probably does. He's been rubbing at them for ages, utterly exhausted. He can't help it. 

“I – it's cold,” he bites out, defensively.

“It wouldn't be so cold if you’d covered up better.”

Keigo's eyes narrow, and he pulls away. “Don't slut shame me. I wear whatever the fuck I want. Cover up more,” he echoes incredulously. “Piss off. You aren't my dad.”

“I'm not slut shaming you,” Touya explains. “It's just that… It's almost cold enough to snow. It couldn't hurt to wear a jacket, at least…” He sighs and starts taking off his own. “You know what? Here, have mine.”

Keigo stares at him dumbly as the hero wraps the jacket around his shoulders, careful not to directly touch his bare skin. 

“There,” Touya mutters, smiling shyly.

Keigo suppressed the urge to swoon. “Oh, uh, thanks. I guess.”

He doesn't have the heart to tell Touya that there are more than enough bodies in the stuffy bar to keep him warm, and he’s really only shaking because of withdrawals.

Besides, he kind of likes having Touya’s jacket. It makes him feel very safe all of a sudden. He chooses not to divest too much mental energy into figuring all that out.

Touya grasps Keigo’s hand and squeezes it. “You're just looking for a place to spend the night, aren't you?”

Keigo gawks at him. Mind reader. “I – what?”

“Come stay at my place,” Touya urges him. “We don't need to have sex. I'll just set you up on the couch, and I'll make you some breakfast in the morning. It'll be fun.”

Keigo could have kissed him. Hell, he could have married him right then and there. “Oh – okay… um, sure.”

“Perfect.”

Keigo shakes his head out to clear it and looks around. “Slidin’ Go isn't here tonight. He's assisting with a Meta Liberation Army operation right now. I'm not affiliated with the MLA, so that's all I know.”

 “So, Slidin’ Go is a traitor?”

“He's spying on you, yes.”

Touya nods and gives Keigo a grateful, painfully sincere, relieved look. “Thank you. You're my hero.”

“Aww,” Keigo swats at him playfully. “And you say you aren't a golden boy. I've got sunburns from your smile that say otherwise.”

Sometimes, it stresses him out how relieved Touya looks when missions go well. It makes him wonder what they do to him when they don't, but he never talks about it. Keigo has no idea what lengths heroes go to punish failure in their own ranks, but he's had so many heroes whisper such rotten secrets to him that he's confident that no matter how brutal the punishments are, they all deserve it. All but Touya. Anyone but Touya.

Touya deserves so much better than anything this fucked up world could ever give him.

Keigo stands up and leaves the bar, hand in hand with Touya. He sticks his tongue out and gives Giran a playful peace sign on the way out, while Touya holds the door for him like a real gentleman.

They make it almost all the way to the hero’s car before Keigo stumbles. 

Touya catches him, a worried look etched into his brow. “You okay?”

Keigo nods, dazed. “Yeah, m’fine.”

He’s officially reaching the stage of withdrawals where he switches from being unable to sleep to a sudden, crippling inability to keep his eyes open.

He’s glad to have somewhere safe to be, because he’ll probably be out cold by the end of the hour, regardless of where he is, and he isn't sure how long he’ll be out once he does.

One time, his dealer got arrested, and while Keigo was busy looking for a new one, the withdrawals made him sleep for two days straight. 

He hopes this time won't be that bad. He doesn't want to make Touya worry.

He’s glad, at least, that he isn't going home with a stranger. If he did that, and someone dumped him out on the streets or called an ambulance when he didn't wake up, he'd be screwed. The thought makes him want to cry.

Once they're in the car, Touya turns to Keigo and says, “Keigo. Be honest. What did you take?”

“Nothing.”

“Don’t lie to me. What is it? You look like shit.”

“I didn't take anything!”

That’s the problem. 

“I just… I…”

Touya watches him internally, his eyes observant to the point of being calculating. “Is it withdrawals?”

Dammit. 

“Maybe.”

“Keigo.”

“I'm getting clean,” he says, defiantly. “No more drugs, no more alcohol. Detoxing is just part of the process.”

“There are ways to wean yourself off slowly. It's something that should be done over several weeks–”

“I don't have several weeks!” Keigo snaps before he can stop himself. Then, he clamps a hand over his mouth and stops shouting. “Forget it. Forget I said anything… just drive, please? I'm going to pass out soon, and I don't want you to have to carry me into the house like a child.”

Touya sighs with the cumulative exhaustion of putting up with Keigo’s bullshit for the last few months. Keigo can hear every ounce of heavy fatigue peeking through in the one exaggerated huff. “Fine.”

Keigo curls up in the passenger seat, trembling violently as chills rack through him. He feels like he’s going to be sick, but he manages to get through the full car ride without having to ask Touya to pull over for him to throw up. 

As soon as the car stops, though, he rushes to get out and immediately hits the ground with a thud. 

The concrete cuts into his almost entirely exposed hip. His limbs feel like jelly, and his head spins. The scrapes on his knees feel wet. He's probably he's bleeding, but it's all far away. He can't string his thoughts together enough to concentrate on figuring out the damages.

Touya crouches down. The streetlight behind him makes him look like an angel. 

Keigo smiles deliriously. “My hero.”

“Don't,” Touya admonishes, picking him up and carrying him inside. “I can't believe you were planning on having sex in this state.”

“Still can, if you want to,” Keigo slurs, out of habit more than anything else.

“Stop it,” Touya chides him. “I don't like it when you treat yourself like that.”

“Like what? A whore? It's literally what I am. I'm a prostitute. I'm the damn definition.”

“No. Like an object.”

“It's the same thing, isn't it?”

“No, Keigo, it's not.” 

Touya sounds so tired that Keigo falls quiet, feeling like he's done something bad.

“I'll take the couch,” Touya tells him, leaving no room for argument. “You go to bed.”

Keigo doesn't argue. As soon as Touya puts him down, he stumbles into the bedroom. He starts to change into comfy clothes from Touya’s wardrobe, like he does after they have sex, but passes out before he gets more than just his shirt off. 

He wakes up over twenty-four hours later. 

Nothing in the room is touched, except for a glass of water on the bedstand with some medicine – one red pill and one blue pill – on a napkin with a note:

‘Stay around whenever you wake up. I promised you a meal, and you know I always deliver. The meds are 500mg of Tylenol (blue) and 400mg of Ibuprofen (red). Don't take them if they interact with anything you've had recently.

–Touya.’

Keigo loves that boy. He holds the note to his chest and looks down, remembering suddenly that his torso is bare, and he'd had the tape on for far too long.

He sighs and gets up to make himself look half-presentable again by the time Touya gets home. 

After he does, Keigo eats the meal Touya makes him without talking much.

He only half listens as Touya talks about his day. He can't get his mind off the pregnancy. 

It’s probably a good time to tell Touya about it, isn't it? But does he want Touya to know? He still isn't sure. 

Touya is the only person Keigo has ever fucked raw, so it's almost definitely his.

But what if it isn't? What if a condom broke without him knowing, or someone he slept over with slipped in raw when he was asleep, or something? He always warned them about being HIV positive, but maybe someone was on PrEP and decided to take the risk. He has no way of knowing for sure without genetic testing, which is something he definitely doesn't have the resources to get done.

If he tells Touya now, he could end up putting the hero through the untold stress about it, only for it to be someone else's. 

And even if it is Touya’s, it's still possible that the hero will judge him and not want to help raise it. What if he can't forgive Keigo for not getting over his drug addiction until after he could have already harmed the baby? What if the baby now has to suffer permanent consequences, as he had from his own mother, and Touya resents him for it? What if he walks out? What if he sees Keigo as less of a man for getting knocked up? What if he's interested in Keigo for pity reasons and has no interest in raising a child with him? What if he’s too busy with hero work to be a father? What if he doesn't have time to do help out?

Keigo certainly doesn't, but he doesn't have a choice. 

It’s too late for plan B. He could try to get his hands on an abortion pill, but it isn't exactly something drug dealers tend to carry, and he can't just try to overdose to miscarry without running the risk of permanently harming the baby and still carrying it to full term.

He obviously can't just go to a doctor to sort it out. He'd get arrested for sure, and then he'd have to be pregnant in prison. A women’s prison, most likely, because they'd never let a pregnant person in one for men.

He'd be a caged bird. He can't risk it.

He’d rather see the pregnancy through with Touya as a friend to help him than to tell him the truth and risk losing him. He can't do it alone. Touya is pretty much the only person he can actually trust.

He can't lose him. He's the only good thing he's ever had going for him. Even just the thought of him leaving makes Keigo sick to his stomach.

So, he keeps his mouth shut and pretends it doesn't kill him on the inside to lie to the single person who's ever cared enough to listen to his truths. 

~~~~

Keigo's withdrawal symptoms improve slowly over the course of the next few weeks, but Touya remains under the impression they're only getting worse, since his pregnancy symptoms have certainly started to amped up their game.

He was starting to show already. He noticed it while having sex with his drug dealer, Twice – he knows it's a bad idea to sleep with him, but he's so damn horny, that he's fucking desperate – and when he looked down and saw that his belly looked a little bloated.

“Wow, weight gain is rough, huh?”

It’s a common withdrawal symptom of meth withdrawals. Keigo bristles when Twice brings it up, resisting the urge to put a hand to his stomach. He doesn't want to let anything on.

Twice is a good guy, but Keigo is still apprehensive about telling him too much. He hasn't managed to survive this long by being trusting.

He keeps his guard up, but he does genuinely like Twice. Despite being his dealer, and thus having strong financial incentives to discourage sobriety, Twice had immediately accepted Keigo’s requests to stop doing drugs without ever pushing to decide otherwise. He’s surprisingly good-hearted for someone with such a villainous career. He’s probably the only reason Keigo is even still alive, since he’d been the one to make sure that Keigo’s wouldn't overdose.

“Look, I don't care if it's bad for business; I’m not giving you enough in one sitting to OD. If you're looking to die, you're gonna have to find yourself another dealer.”

It’s pretty sad for the primary person looking out for Keigo's well-being to be his drug dealer, but that was a reality he’d lived in for years. 

Until he met Touya, it was all he'd ever known.

That all aside, Touya, bless his heart, is still deeply concerned about Keigo's withdrawals, and Keigo doesn't know how to assure him the effects are almost over without inadvertently letting go of the perfectly good excuse as to why he's so fatigued, grumpy, and nauseous all the time. 

When Touya finally decides that enough is enough, he takes Keigo to see Natsuo, his brother, who's apparently a medical student. Keigo lets it happen, too overwhelmed with hiding the pregnancy and desperate to spend time with Touya to refuse any of his requests.

Touya explains the situation with his brother in the car, “He's used to treating villains under the table. He's a good guy. You'll like him.”

“What makes you think I like good men?”

Touya rolls his eyes. “Because you kill bad ones.”

“Fair enough.”

When they arrive at the clinic, Keigo steps out and starts walking inside. 

“Wait up!” Touya shouts, rushing to follow. “Geez, you're so impatient.”

Keigo has been especially moody and brisk from the pregnancy and his insomnia. He’s back to going a full twenty to thirty hours between naps, and no over-the-counter sheep meds he can find seemed to be safe to take when pregnant. 

Unfortunately, Touya is bearing the brunt of Keigo’s bad mood. Keigo hates it, but he keeps snipping at him, and he can't seem to make it stop.

“But you're so slow,” he complains.

“You're lucky I know agitation is a symptom of meth withdrawal. Otherwise, I'd be pretty cross about your attitude.”

“You're such a goody two-shoes,” Keigo grumbles. “I take it back. I don't like your sunshine anymore. It's giving me a sunburn.”

“Vampire,” Touya teases. Then he turns and walks up to the front desk. “I'm here to see my brother.”

The receptionist nods and gestures to a closed door. “Go right ahead, Nova.”

“Thank you! You're the best!” Touya blows her a kiss, and Keigo shoots her a withering, jealous look she didn't deserve. 

He knows it isn't her fault, but he is in a mood and just doesn't care at the moment. 

He follows Touya into the room, glaring daggers at anyone who dares look at him.

Touya is his. They can't have him. 

“Cool it, will you?” Touya scolds him. “Brat. Do you need space or something?”

“No,” Keigo pouts. “I just need my drugs.”

He doesn't really, but it's what slips out.

“Well, that's too bad,” Touya says, flatly. “You've already made me swear on my mother's life not to let you have any, and I take my mother's well-being very seriously.”

Keigo groans and sits down heavily on one of the chairs while they wait for Natsuo.

When he finally does come in, it takes Keigo a moment to see the resemblance between him and Touya. Natsuo has the same wavy white hair, but he looks much more like their father in every way that Touya looks like their mother, except that Natsuo has their mother’s eyes, and Touya has their father’s.

“Touya!” Natsuo beams at him. “I see you brought in another stray.”

“This is Keigo,” Touya announces, gesturing his way. “He's being a little shit today, so I apologize in advance.”

“Ah, it's okay,” Natsuo turns to Keigo. “I don't mind. Do your worst. I work mostly with kids and teenagers. I guarantee you that anything you could possibly say to me will never be the nastiest thing I've heard that day.”

Keigo meets Natsuo’s eyes intently. He isn't keen on small talk. “You're a medical student.”

“Yes.”

“Can you prescribe drugs?”

“Not the ones you want,” Natsuo tells him. “I can only recommend the boring stuff, like antibiotics and NSAIDS. The doc has to be the one to write the prescriptions.”

“Not Opioids?”

“Certainly not for you, no.”

Keigo goes quiet, crossing his legs and tapping one of his feet on his opposite shin. If Touya hadn't been in the room, he would have said abortion pills instead of opioids, but he has to keep up the appearances that this all is still about drugs.

He doesn't even use opioids. His only recurring drug habits have been alcohol, meth, and MDMA.

“I've been told you're going through withdrawals?” Natsuo says, at length.

Keigo nods. 

Natsuo asks more questions, and Touya answers them while Keigo stays silent. After a minute, Natsuo turns to Touya and shoos him out. “He isn't talking with you in here. Out with you. Go wait in the other room.”

Touya whines about it, but obeys. "Fiiine."

Then, Natsuo turns to Keigo. “What aren't you telling me?”

Keigo flushes nervously, and looks down. “I don't want you to tell him.”

“Tell him what?”

“I won't tell you until you promise on whatever you care about most that you'll never tell anyone. You hear me? Not a soul.”

Natsuo blinks and nods. “Sure. You know, patient confidentiality, and all that.”

Keigo takes a deep breath and closes his eyes. “I'm pregnant.”

It's the only time he's ever said it out loud. He doesn't like how it feels on his tongue. It makes him feel dysphoric when it's out there in the world. He prefers it when it's just him and his baby, where he can put his hand on his belly and be secure that everyone involved still sees him as a boy, but he can't be so sure when he's surrounded by others.

“You – you're what?” Natsuo asks, his eyes flickering down to check for a baby bump that isn't really there yet.

“Yes. And I don't want him to know.”

“Why not? Is he the father?”

“I'm the father.”

“You know what I mean. The other father.”

Keigo’s shoulders sag, and he averts his eyes. “Maybe.”

“So I'm Uncle Natsuo.”

“If I keep it and it makes it to term, then yeah. Technically. But you can't call yourself that, since he can't know the baby's his.”

“You're thinking about not keeping it?”

Keigo shuffles in his seat. “I'm… unhoused. I couch surf. And my profession isn't… Well… I'm a sex worker. I do other stuff –” he can't just say in a doctor's office that he's an assassin “– but nothing legitimate. There's also the whole drug addiction thing. The only drug I've had in the last several months is meth. No alcohol or anything. But I'm still worried. Is it bad for the baby? Did I accidentally poison it?”

“Not really,” Natsuo says. “There isn't any research that has conclusively found that meth itself is a teratogen. Some findings suggest it might cause a little bit of harm, but it's very mild and more likely to be caused by other risk factors associated with drug use rather than the drug use itself, such as malnutrition, dehydration, insomnia, unsafe living situations, and that kind of stuff. That isn't to say you should take it on purpose. Don't go back on it, or anything. But what you took probably didn't cause enough harm to be noticeable. You don't have to terminate the pregnancy if you don't want to.”

Keigo nodded. “Oh.”

“Do you want to?”

Keigo hesitates. “I don't know. I don't have a stable living situation.”

“I'll help you find a better living situation either way. Tell me: assuming you had the resources to care for a child, would you want one?”

Keigo looks down. “I… I don't know.”

“It's okay. Just be thinking about it, okay? You still have another few weeks before anything's set in stone... probably. For now, let's just give it a look, okay?”

“Okay.”

Natsuo starts the exam, still talking as he goes along. “We'll also get you on some pre-natals. Those are helpful even if you aren't pregnant, so it's a good habit to stay on them. When did you stop the meth use?”

“As soon as I started to seriously think I was pregnant, a few weeks ago.”

“You went cold turkey?”

Keigo shrugged. “... Yeah.”

“Meth withdrawals are nothing to scoff at, Keigo.”

“I know, but I'm fine.”

“You're not, but that's okay. We’ll get you all sorted out."

Keigo manages a tight smile. “Thank you.”

“You're very welcome,” Natsuo says, returning the smile. "Now, let's get this show on the road.”

~~~~

A month later, Keigo’s back at Natsuo’s office. 

He still hasn't told Touya about the pregnancy, but he's been sneaking back to the clinic to check up on the baby regularly. 

He wakes up on the morning of his appointment in his new bed. The apartment is in Touya’s name and everything, but Keigo pays for it. Since being pregnant, he hasn't picked up any of his usual assassin jobs with the League, but he's got paid plenty by people who get off on having – very strictly protected – sex with a pregnant seventeen-year-old.

He just has to shut his eyes and tries not to listen too hard to their mocking words. He isn't into degradation. He's tried to like it, since so many people get off on dishing it out, but humiliation, slut shaming, and misgendering have always just made him feel gross. He's just pretty good at pretending to like them, though. A lot of being a prostitute is catering to kinks he doesn't have. It's just part of the job.

He also starts brainstorming excuses as to why he can't have sex with Touya so he can keep his baby bump hidden, but it turns out that that with Touya, turning down sex is as easy as just saying “no, I'm not in the mood right now.” It's never been that easy with anyone else. Keigo almost feels like he's taking advantage of Touya’s willingness to take no for an answer. He knows those things are not reasonable, but non-negotiable no’s just aren't something he's used to…

He feels himself pulling away from Touya the longer the pregnancy goes on. It begins to take up so much of his time and emotional energy that it feels like he's completely leaving Touya out of everything. He leans on him as much as he can without telling him his secret, and is always available when Touya needs someone to talk to, but he can't help self-isolating more and more as the weeks wear on. 

He's almost ready for his appointment. He flies there, careful not to go too fast and hurt the baby. He leans delicately and walks into the clinic. 

He's wearing a comically baggy hoodie to hide his baby bump. He’s roughly five months along, and today will be his first ultrasound.

He's buzzing with excitement and nervous energy as he walks up to the desk to check in. Natsuo takes him back out soon after.

“How are you doing, Keigo?” Natsuo asks, preparing the machine.

Keigo puts a hand on his belly. It feels natural to do it, but he rarely can. One of the perks of being alone with Natsuo is that he can act however feels natural for him without giving away anything that he doesn't already know.

Keigo hisses as the cold machine touches his belly. Natsuo shushes him soothingly and glides it across his skin. 

Natsuo squints at the screen. “Technically, I'm just a high school intern who doesn't have the clearance to do anything like this, but I'm quite sneaky. Under regular circumstances, your technician wouldn't be allowed to tell you any of the findings until the doctor gets here,” Natsuo says, discreetly tilting the screen toward Keigo. “I want to get an actual technician’s opinion, so I'll wait to tell you what I think until after that, but if you happen to get a glance and know what you're looking at, I can't very well pluck it out of your brain, can I?”

Keigo snorts and looks at the ultrasound screen. He can see it jiggle oddly in pace with his laughter. It's weird to get continuous feedback about what's going on inside him like that. It’s an uncomfortable, yet oddly gratifying experience.

He looks at the picture, but can't really tell what's going on in it. It doesn't look like the ones he's seen online. There isn't a bean-shaped creature. It just looks like a collection of big circles with some fog around them. 

Natsuo watches Keigo’s face, as if trying to gauge his reaction. Keigo looks at him, a little unimpressed. “Am I supposed to look more excited or something? I am excited. I'm just tired. Don't look at me like that.”

“I'm not judging you, Keigo,” Natsuo says. “It's just, sometimes, I look at you and remember you're pretty much my age. It's weird to think about. I have lots of thoughts, but I'll save them until after I consult the technician.”

Keigo nods, and they fall into silence as Natsuo wraps up the ultrasound.

Then, Keigo is left alone in the room until Natsuo returns with a nervous look on his face as he hands Keigo a bag. “This has the CD and printed report in it. How much do you want to know? Gender, number, size, health status…?”

Keigo’s heart skips a beat. “E-everything.”

Natsuo nods. “Alright.”

He grabs the CD and inserts it back into the computer. Then, he points at it as he explains the findings. “So… I'm trying to figure out a delicate way to say this without shocking your system, but I can't figure out a good one, so I'll just say most of the time there's only one circle.”

Keigo’s eyes widen, and he looks up. “But there are two.”

“Yeah,” Natsuo nods.

Keigo carries it to its inevitable conclusion. “Twins?”

“Yup,” Natsuo confirms, and Keigo's world tilts.

He looks down at his lap, his eyes watering. He doesn't want to cry in front of Natsuo, but he's cried at every damn development, and apparently, it isn't stopping now. 

He wraps his arms around himself as tears flood his vision. He isn't sure how he's supposed to feel. 

Raising one baby alone as a teenager would be a lot, but two? He wishes his mom were here to give him advice, or to tell him it'll all be okay, or to offer to just sit through it with him.

He can imagine standing next to her, each of them rocking a different baby. In another world, he could have passed one off to her so he could tend to the other one.

His grandmother had never been in his life at all, but it still felt intuitive to him that a mother should be there to care for her baby while they tend to their own baby. Keigo never had a village, but he wants that for his own babies. 

But he's alone. They literally outnumber him. There should never be more babies than adults. It doesn't feel right.

Plus, if it's twins, he'll get so much bigger. How will he continue to hide it from Touya? Does he want to keep hiding it from Touya? He isn't sure, but he's too afraid to tell him. 

He needs him now more than ever, but everything Keigo has is because of Touya – his apartment, his access to healthcare, his sobriety... and he can't risk losing it, no matter how much he wants to tell him. 

Keigo is better off doing it alone with a safety net to fall back on than to risk Touya panicking and dropping the responsibility.

The man’s a saint. It isn't like he'll up and leave. But Touya is a hero under the strict supervision of the Commission. Even if he doesn't want to abandon Keigo, he likely wouldn't have a choice. The Commission’s pressure, combined with his fear of being a dad and becoming his father, could turn the tables against Keigo, and he can't bear the thought of losing him. He can't.

He's known from the beginning that getting feelings for heroes is a bad idea, but he went and did it anyway. Now, these are the consequences – crying softly while staring at two orbs wiggling on a two-dimensional fog machine, alone in the world except for two people who could only each know one side of his double-edged life.

“How do you feel about it?” Natsuo asks, hesitantly. “Happy? Scared? Excited? Sad? Angry? Anything you're feeling is okay.”

Keigo wipes at his tears with his knuckles. “... Lonely.”

Natsuo’s eyes soften. “Want a hug?”

Keigo nods numbly, allowing his arms to fall limp at his sides while Natsuo wraps his arms around him. 

He shuts his eyes and cries into Natsuo’s shirt, scrunching up his face as a million unnamed shades of grief and fear run through him. 

“I'm sorry you're going through all this all alone,” Natsuo whispers. “Do you want to try a support group? Or tell Touya? He can help, Keigo. He won't leave you. He's my brother. I'd never let him.”

Keigo whimpers quietly. “I don't want to go to a support group. It'll all be women, and it'll just make me dysphoric. And Touya is a hero. He won't get a choice.”

“You really think the Commission would block him from taking up his own fatherhood?”

“If it's bad for his image, then yes. They've tortured him for less. They'd violate the Geneva convention over a minor infraction. Besides, I'm not entirely sure they won't kill me make it go away and keep me quiet.”

Natsuo falls silent at that. He doesn't argue further. He knows it's true. There is no rest for the wicked. That's just the world they live in.

Keigo cries for a long time. It fixes nothing, but at least the babies are healthy and on-schedule for their development. For now, that has to be enough. 

Keigo, 18 years old

Keigo is exhausted. His eyelids weigh more than he can ever remember them feeling before, but he keeps bouncing, because that’s what Natori needs.

Her lungs are weak, her little breaths ragged. It breaks his heart.

“You're okay, Chickadee. Just a little longer…” he whispers, but he doesn't know which of them, exactly, the reassurance is meant for.

He’d taken Natori to see Natsuo the day before. He'd agreed to be their primary care doctor under the table. Thankfully, he stayed true to his word not to tell Touya about them. 

“Patient confidentiality,” Natsuo had said, with a wink. “A doc can take a secret.”

Earlier today, Keigo had wrapped Natori up in blankets and flew her to the clinic Natsuo works at, but there was very little he could do to help besides give Natori some Tylenol for the fever and send them home with a stethoscope for Keigo to listen to her lungs. 

He provided some advice on how not to get Ruka sick, too. It felt hopeless, but Keigo did all he could to follow the instructions.

He couldn't take another sick baby. He already was losing his mind trying to take care of one, let alone another. Ruka was the weaker of the two of them. His immune system couldn't handle RSV. 

So, that was how Keigo ends up pacing around his underground lair – he finally agreed to call it that after years of teasing from Touya – bouncing Natori on his shoulder. 

It’s hard to get her to sleep, and even harder not to fall asleep himself. 

Exhaustion is making him terribly emotional, so when his phone rings, startling Natori and waking Ruka, who promptly starts screaming from the other room, Keigo starts to cry, too.

Not the pretty, delicate kind of crying like he used to. It's the full mental breakdown of a single parent of two twin babies under the age of one. He's so far past his limit that all he can muster is the ugly, pathetic, gasping-for-air kind of crying.

There was a time he liked how he looked, when he was pretty enough to seduce whomever he wanted and slit their throats if he so desired. But those days have certainly passed. Now, he smells like sweat and spit-up and baby wipes. No one would find him attractive anymore, and he tells himself that's okay, but for someone who has built so much of himself on his looks, being seventeen and already looking so aged and washed-up is a damn tough pill to swallow.

With a defeated sigh, he silences the phone. He can't bring himself to take the call just yet. He isn't in any place to pick it up without his voice wobbling, or worse, the shrieking of a crying baby giving away all his carefully kept secrets.

He calls Touya back a few minutes later, when he can get his voice to passably work. By then, he'd gotten Ruka to stop crying and Natori to get somewhat settled again.

“Hey, Hot Stuff. Can't make it today. I'm sorry. Something… came up, and…”

Don't cry don't cry don't cry

“Can we reschedule?” he asks, and his voice breaks despite all his efforts to keep it stable. If he weren't carrying a baby labouring for each breath of air, he would have hit himself. 

“Birdie, are you okay?” Touya's voice is soft on the other end. “Need me to come over just to help? Did you get injured?”

“No, I'm fine,” he insists, hating that his fragile voice makes it clear he isn't.

He hangs up before he can make it any worse, which was probably a bad idea, since Touya apparently can't leave well enough alone and knocks on Keigo’s door a few minutes later. 

Keigo curses under his breath. He can't put the baby down. As much as he doesn't want Touya to know they exist, he isn't willing to risk his daughter’s ability to breathe for his own pride.

He turns to the door and whines a little before walking over and opening it. It feels like accepting defeat.

Touya looks at Natori, then back to Keigo, then back to Natori, and then back to Keigo.

“A baby?”

Keigo gestures vaguely, letting the image of his puffy eyes with matching eyebags and the winged baby on his shoulder speak for itself.

“Who's is this?”

Keigo looks away. “Just go, Touya. I told you not to come.”

“I can help. I'm good with babies. I practically raised my three younger siblings, you know.”

“You have the immune system of a walnut. She'll get you sick.”

All of a sudden, Ruka starts screaming from the other room, and Keigo looks up at the sky, wondering what on earth he did to deserve this. 

Besides the murders, of course. And the theft. And the prostitution. And the drugs. And the unprotected sex.

Actually, maybe he does deserve it, and this is the Hell he's always been promised to live in one day. That must be it.

Touya raises his eyebrows. “Another one? What, you run a daycare now? Retired from your villainous ways?”

Keigo sighs, the sound of Ruka’s anguish filling him with dread. He’s supposed to feel protective or empathetic, but he just doesn't have it in him anymore. He's gotten four hours of sleep in the last four days, and hasn't even been able to brush his teeth or eat more than one meal on a single one of them. 

Eyes wet with tears, Keigo’s breath shudders, and he moves to close the door to lock Touya out. “Just come again another time. Please. I… I can't right now. Not tonight.”

As he reaches for the doorknob, Touya catches his hand and gently folds it into his own. 

All the teasing and humor drains from Touya’s endlessly compassionate eyes. He looks at Keigo like he sees him.

He's the only one who's ever seen him. 

Keigo’s lip wobbles in a way that’s entirely unbecoming of such a wretched creature, and his eyes widen.

Damned hero complex.

Fucking saint.

“Let me take the other one,” Touya insists. “Are they both sick?”

Keigo’s voice is small and defeated as he allows Touya to step aside. “No, just Natori. For now.”

Touya strolls past him without another word and follows the screaming voice into the nursery.

Keigo lets him go without further argument. He needs help, and if Touya is offering, he may as well accept it.

The man is so fucking perfect. It isn't like he’s going to hurt them. He wouldn't hurt a goddamned fly.

Unless the Commission told him to.

When Keigo follows Touya into the nursery a minute later, Ruka is already calm again, nestled warmly in Touya’s embrace. 

The hero is singing a song that Keigo doesn't recognize, and Ruka is holding onto his finger in his tiny fist like a lifeline.

Keigo would have given him the world right then and there if he had enough of a grasp on it himself to hand it over.

Touya's nothing but a pipe dream. Their relationship can never happen, not really, but Keigo aches for it, anyway.

He loves Touya more than he's ever loved anyone. A weak, pathetic part of himself is glad Touya knows about the kids. Now, he can help. Keigo can use a sitter that isn't Natsuo or any of his criminal contacts. 

Twice, Toga, and Mr. Compress are good with them, but obviously, they're not as ideal to entrust with infants as Touya, the glowing god of gentle masculinity and caregiving energy. 

He's Keigo’s favorite what-if. He's his favorite thing to think about as he goes to sleep. Maybe, one day, he'll gather the courage to tell Touya everything. But until then, he'll hold his tongue.

He's gotten paternity tests done by now. He knows for sure they're Touya’s, and Ruka looks exactly like him, so it isn't like there would be any doubt, anyway. 

Deep down in that dumb head of his, Touya probably does know. There's no way he doesn't at least implictly see the resemblance.

But they never talk about it. When it comes down to hard discussions, they never talk about it. 

They dance around each other instead, connected by a million what-if’s and in-another-world’s. 

So Keigo, lets it go unsaid.

A little longer won't kill him. 

Surely.

And then, there's his dad’s voice again, just as loud as it always has been, 

Dammit, Keigo. You never learn.