Chapter Text
Noel Gruber felt utterly alone.
He was the only gay guy in a small town, and was relentlessly bullied for it. And even disregarding that he felt like he couldn’t relate to any of his class mates, being more interested in French New Wave cinema than any modern releases.
At least he had the choir, but even then they could mainly be considered “friends” because they didn’t take part in the rampant homophobia he experienced daily.
There was Ocean, who was almost as bad, constantly criticizing him for anything, his singing, him being late (even if his reason for being late was being tormented by other students), and even his “attitude!” Whatever that means.
There was Constance, who despite being the nicest girl in town, was also incredibly shy. Noel would just feel bad dragging her into his problems. And because of that the two weren’t extremely close, and besides that, she was Ocean’s best friend, and any time spent away from Ocean was for the best.
There was Ricky, who Noel was probably the closest to, a friendship founded from the both of them enduring bullying from the school’s bigots. Noel actually taught himself ASL so he and Ricky could have silent conversations. But even then, Noel knows they aren’t that close. Noel feels like he just can’t relate to any of Ricky’s interests, and even when he does try, Ricky mostly spends time in his own imaginary world he refuses to tell Noel anything about.
Then there was the final member of the choir, Mischa Bachinski. Noel has such a huge crush on him.
He’s everything Noel could ever imagine, a European bad boy. He’s known as the angriest boy in town, and the title makes sense, since coming to their school he had gotten into fights and stolen things, the latter actually being his reason for being in the choir in the first place. He stole some communal wine and gave it to his cousin, and instead of pressing charges he had to be in choir as punishment, something the boy was absolutely not happy about.
He was also completely straight, Noel could just tell from the way he talked about his YouTube channel where he posts rap videos.
The YouTube channel where this all started.
Mischa wouldn’t talk about much in school, letting his presence doing most of the communicating, but there were several things he would talk about. How annoying Ocean was, how much he hated being in choir, and his YouTube channel.
BadEgg does not sound like something Noel would have any interest in as a music artist, but one day after hearing about it so much, his curiosity got the better of him.
So he logged into YouTube, his username online was SadGirl1930, it had kind of been a reclaiming thing for him, people regularly made fun of him for being an effeminate depressed gay man so when it came time to make an online name he just went with that. The 1930 was also obvious to him, being the year his favorite movie, The Blue Angel, came out.
He looked up “Bad Egg” on YouTube, and after that only brought up informative videos about how to tell if eggs had gone bad, he tried a few more specific searches, including “Bad_Egg,” “B4d3gg,” and “Bad Egg rapper.”
Eventually he was able to find Mischa’s channel, it did not have many subscribers or viewers, and that just made Noel feel even worse. This was clearly something Mischa was passionate about, maybe even one of the few things that seemed to bring what seemed like such an angry boy joy, and no one was even acknowledging it.
Noel knew he couldn’t do much, but he could offer some support. So he hit subscribe and went to the channel’s most recent video.
Noel actually surprisingly liked Mischa’s raps. They reminded him of his poetry, they were clearly filled with the raw emotion that the Ukrainian boy felt he couldn’t express to his peers at school.
Which was even more surprising because all the titles of his raps basically boiled down to things like “This Song is Awesome.”
Mischa had a real talent for this, and that talent deserved some nourishment, so Noel thought, what better way to offer support than to offer some feedback.
@SadGirl1930
Hey, I really enjoy your raps, I honestly didn’t know if I would, considering it’s not the usual type of music I would listen to, but I can really feel the passion you put into them. I think my only real critique is that you sound like you are trying to hide your accent. I don’t think you should, you have a beautiful accent and you shouldn’t feel ashamed of it, I say lean in, be proud of your Ukrainian roots.
He hit the comment button, there, he had offered some support to someone, and it had absolutely nothing to do with his major crush, no sir, just offering some kindness to a fellow artist.
With his good deed of the day done, it was time for him to get ready for his shift at Taco Bell, he put on his garish uniform and grabbed his keys, waving goodbye to his mom. Already done with the shift that hadn’t even started yet.
Maybe he could rewatch The Blue Angel when he got home, at least then he would have something to look forward to…
By the time he got home he was completely and totally exhausted.
Dealing with awful customers, being talked down to by the older employees, and being there in general just so he and his mother wouldn’t end up on the street.
But he was home now, and he could afford to drop the forced smile he wore while working his miserable customer service job.
He changed out of his work clothes and opened up his laptop, ready to queue up his favorite movie, when he realized he never closed out of youtube earlier.
He saw that BadEgg had responded to his comment, very enthusiastically.
@BadEgg
YO! THANK YOU SO MUCH FOR YOUR DOPE FEEDBACK! This has made my year, Definitely gonna make more raps for you to enjoy!
That made Noel smile, he had made Mischa happy, which was his goal, it was nice to see that his words had inspired the rapper to continue in his craft.
That night, for the first time in a long time, Noel was able to go to sleep happy.
The next day, as Noel was scrolling through social media he saw he got a DM request from one BadEgg, he clicked on it, curious what it could be about
BadEgg: YO! Are you the same sad girl who left mostly positive feedback on my youtube channel?
Noel was apprehensive to answer, it was one thing to respond to his YouTube comment, but Mischa was trying to communicate with him across multiple social media platforms. He wasn’t entirely sure how he felt about that, did Mischa find out who he was? Was he going to threaten him?
Noel decided to bite the bullet and accept his message.
SadGirl1930: Oh, yeah, that’s me, did you need something?
He hit send and started picking at his nails, a nervous habit he had picked up, anytime he freshly painted his nails they would usually be completely chipped by the end of the day.
BadEgg: I just wanted to thank you again, I know I don’t have many people who listen to them, so to have someone who likes it let alone leave such beautiful comment, I really appreciate it <3
Noel felt himself smiling, his comment did exactly what it was meant to, it made the Ukrainian happy.
SadGirl1930: No thanks necessary, I know how hard it is to put yourself out there, just screaming into the void and no one responding
Noel realized that may have been too much for two people just chatting over social media, he went to delete the message when Mischa suddenly responded
BadEgg: YO! Are you a rap star too??? That is So MadWickedAwesome!
Noel giggled
SadGirl1930: No, lol, nothing like that, but I do write poetry
The reply was again, almost instant
BadEgg: THAT. IS. DOPE!!! Yo, can you write me a poem?
Noel felt himself blush, his crush was asking him for a poem? Was he dreaming? He was stunned he didn’t know what to say, when he got another reply
BadEgg: you don’t have to if you don’t want to! I just think it’s really cool that you write stuff like I do, you don’t have to share if you don’t want to!
That was so sweet of him to say, well now Noel had to write something.
SadGirl1930: A Haiku for BadEgg-
BadEgg the Rapper
Your Word Play Is Beautiful
Please Serenade Me
It was not great, but he had to come up with something quick, Mischa had shared his music so Noel had to share something. Mischa probably thought it was so lame, anyone could write a haiku like that.
BadEgg: That is SO MADWICKEDAWESOME!!!! Will Definitely make a rap just for you!
Noel’s blush had returned with a vengeance, He had to set his phone down. How did Mischa make words like “dope” and “mad wicked awesome” sound like a romantic sonnet?
SadGirl1930: Oh, it’s nothing just a stupid little haiku I made up in a few seconds
The reply was quick, almost instant
BadEgg: Don’t talk about your words like that, you made something just for me, that makes it more valuable than all of the most beautiful poetry in the world.
Noel had to set his phone down again, rolled onto his stomach and screamed into his pillow while kicking his legs. How was this guy so perfect and cute????
SadGirl1930: Thank you, that’s beautiful, maybe in the future I can show you some of my poems, and you can show me some of the raps you’re working on?
Things exploded from there, every day for months SadGirl1930 and BadEgg would talk every day, across all social media platforms, soon enough their casual chats turned more personal, Noel found out about Mischa’s rough home life, and in turn Noel talked about how he struggled to relate to the people around him, revealing where the 1930 in his username came from.
BadEgg: I like that you don’t like things everybody likes. It makes your uniqueness shine through, and your uniqueness is beautiful, just like you.
And there it was again, over time Mischa’s friendly comments had turned overtly flirtatious, Noel had never had anyone flirt with him before, he didn’t know how to respond, here was this amazing man, openly flirting with him in their text chats. Noel was completely overwhelmed, all he could do was try and respond back.
SadGirl1930: The real beautiful one is you, with your kind words and your big heart
He became even more overwhelmed when Mischa made his next comment
BadEgg: I cannot hold back my passion anymore! I love you! I love the passion you put into everything you say, I love the passion you show me in your poetry, and I love the kindness that you have shown me in a small town that has never shown me anything but hatred! My name is Mischa Bachinski in Uranium City, and I love you SadGirl1930!
Noel didn’t know what to say, or what to type, or even what to think, that was one hell of a love confession, it didn’t even occur to him that Mischa really should not have given his full name to someone he had, as far as he knew, never met in real life. Noel was just so taken with his romantic words that all he could reply with was-
SadGirl1930: Oh my god, I love you too! You’re the only thing that makes it bearable to get through the bullying and the bad days, I love you so much!
Noel had tears in his eyes, he had never thought his crush could be requited.
BadEgg: That’s so wonderful to hear, if it’s not too much would you do me the honor of telling me your name? I would like to know the name of the woman I am to confess my undying love to.
Oh… oh no
It suddenly struck Noel, he had never bothered to explain to Mischa where the “sad girl” part of his username came from. Mischa just thought it was a descriptor, and not an ironic one.
Because Mischa was straight, because he thought that Noel was a woman, because Mischa Bachinski could never love Noel Gruber.
So he should just set all this straight, tell Mischa the truth, that he never intended for their messages to go this far, that he just wanted to offer support to a fellow choir member, that he’s just a sad gay boy who let his heart run away without his mind.
Yes, that would be the correct thing to do.
But Noel couldn’t make himself do the correct thing.
Instead he started looking up names similar to his, it wasn’t a COMPLETE lie, just one, just more of a twisting of the truth, so his name derives from the latin word natalis, it’d be easy to find a feminine name with the same origin
Natalia, that would work!
Noel hesitated, this was wrong, this was so wrong, he shouldn’t do this, he shouldn’t lie to the man he loves like this, but at what cost, the cost of never being able to be loved back? At Mischa probably calling the whole thing off because he could never love Noel.
He needed this, he needed someone who understood him like Mischa did, he can’t go back to the misery of before!
SadGirl1930: My name is Natalia
BadEgg: That is a beautiful name my love, it is Ukrainian, is it not?
Noel was already in too deep, and he couldn’t come up with an entire fake backstory by himself! So he just agreed with whatever Mischa said.
SadGirl1930: YES, I am from Ukraine!
And so, that’s how Natalia Muruska Bolinska was born.
Stitched together from real parts of Noel’s personality and the unintentional ideas given by Mischa, anytime he would ask a relevant question about her past or background, Noel would just answer yes, making it true to the canon of “Talia” as Mischa called her.
The two had even started to communicate in Ukrainian in their text messages, which worked out because Noel had started learning it anyway, so he could speak to Mischa in his native language.
All it took were some stock photos from a Ukrainian wedding website to make it all seem official.
He kept track of everything he needed to know in a journal, in a way Talia was much like Monique in that she was an original character that Noel had made up to cope with things, although in this case, the thing he was coping with was not losing his first ever boyfriend, even if said boyfriend had no idea who he was actually dating.
Noel knew what he was doing was wrong, their entire relationship was built on a lie, and eventually that lie would collapse in on itself, and he would be alone again.
But he couldn’t make himself stop, Mischa was the best thing that ever happened to him, and if he found out the truth he would surely stop talking to Noel, and then, Noel would truly have nothing but his solitary misery.
He could keep this going for a while longer, it’s not like things were THAT serious right?
Right?
They were still settling into the new school year when Mischa popped the question, Noel was stressed with work, and the choir, and every other facet of his life. When he got home he was ready to just collapse onto his bed and text Mischa. The benefit of lying about where you live is that you can use “timezones” as an excuse for not getting right back to someone’s texts.
Noel opened up his DMs, went to BadEgg and that’s when he saw it.
BadEgg: My darling Talia, when I look into your almond eyes I don’t see the boy I am, but the man I must become to possess you. I want to take all the pain from your soul, and in the passion factory of my heart transform it into functional joy, I want to take your hand by the Cheremosh River, and with all Ukraine as witness take you as my wife, and we shall sing and dance and drink. And then I shall whisper in your ear, let rivers run wild or let them be dammed, my perfect Talia, I lay my masculinity at the altar of your maidenhood and ask you, will you marry me?
Attached to the message was a picture of Mischa holding a ring.
Things had officially gone too far, Noel couldn’t keep up the charade, he needed to end this now! Come clean and let Mischa hate him forever.
Yes, it was so simple, just tell the truth, just stop the lies.
SadGirl1930: Yes, yes, a thousand times yes, I love you so much, it would be the greatest pleasure in life to marry you!
GODDAMMIT!
He couldn’t say no, he loved Mischa far too much. But if he really loved Mischa, how could he keep up this lie?
The Fall Fair was next week, the choir was competing, he would admit it all after, and face the consequences.
Over the week Noel noticed how happy Mischa was at school. He proudly wore the engagement ring and would take any chance to talk about his fiance, much to the annoyance of Ocean, since he did it during rehearsal for their competition.
“Mischa, we do not have time to talk about your imaginary fiancé!”
“She is not imaginary, she is my real fiancé on my telephone!” He shouted in reply
“Need I remind everyone that we are competing in a choir competition in three days! How are we going to win if we are not giving it our all?!?” Ocean commanded the room
Noel rolled his eyes, “Calm down Ocean, we’re literally the only choir competing.”
“We were the only choir last year too, and we still came in second place! So let’s take it from the top!” She said, starting from the top.
After practicing Ocean deemed it fair to allow them a break, a break where Mischa actually approached Noel.
“Hey, thanks for getting Little Orphan A-Hole off my back.” He said.
“Oh, yeah, of course, it’s not fair for her to call someone you care about not real.” Noel replied, picking at his nails.
“You are good man Gruber.” Mischa said, patting the other on the shoulder.
Oh Mischa, poor sweet Mischa if only you knew.
This was it, the annual Fall Fair, Noel was going to finally come clean to Mischa. One full day where he could almost act like Mischa really loved him.
The competition went fine, Their song written by Father Marcus was fine.
So now they just had to wait for the judging, which gave them plenty of time to go on the rides.
This was the best day of Noel Gruber’s life, because he knew by the end of the day it would become the worst day of his life.
He was going to tell Mischa everything, show him the messages to prove it, Mischa would hate him, probably never talk to him, if he didn’t beat the shit out of him.
But for these few hours he could pretend they were a real couple, Mischa was sending messages all day, each vibration from his silenced phone feeling like a kiss.
At one point they even ended up on the Ferris Wheel together, Noel’s favorite ride, it would be so romantic, and part of him considered just confessing to Mischa right then and there, but what would he even say?
“Oh, hi Mischa you know that fiancé that you love so much, that’s me and I do love you but I couldn’t admit that because you’re straight and I know you physically can’t love me, and now you hate me because I’m a fucking liar who has no real friends and was so desperate for a shred of affection that I made an entire fake person just so someone as wonderful as you could even give a passing thought to someone as miserable as me.”
Yeah, that would go great. He knew he would be in tears by the end of the day, but he just had to keep it together for a few more hours, he could break down after he told Mischa everything. He would have a few more hours with the knowledge that someone loved him for his weird quirks and his old movies and his poetry.
He would tell Mischa everything by the end of the day, he promised himself.
And then the choir rode the Cyclone...