Chapter Text
When she thought about their childhood, images overlapped as her memories came flooding back. Two figures on a bench, laughter, secrets. Rio still came across as that boy who was too effeminate, too weird, the one everyone made fun of in the hallways. The one who sat alone in the cafeteria and at recess.
Before Agatha arrived, she had always believed herself to be a hardened loner, someone who didn’t need anyone. That was before she met her future roommate, the one who would become her best friend.
Agatha had arrived on a Tuesday, she had quickly noticed that Agatha didn’t have an easy life either, the gleam in her eyes gave it away. But no one dared make fun of Agatha, because Agatha had a fiery temper. She still did, but back then Rio was almost afraid of her.
Agatha had sat across from her in the cafeteria one day, in her haste, she’d knocked over the water pitcher and spilled half of it on the floor.
- Is this seat taken?
Rio shook her head.
- Um… No.
Her voice was hoarse from staying silent. She hadn’t spoken to anyone since her mother that morning.
- Cool, Agatha whispered, plopping down in the chair.
Rio silently stirred the peas on her plate. Her shoulder-length hair fell over her face as she lowered her head, trying to hide.
- What’s your name? I always see you alone in the cafeteria and during break.
- Rio…
- Agatha, she added.
- I know…
Agatha smiled, a genuine smile that lit up her face and her blue eyes. She had a white streak in her wild hair, the others said it was witch’s hair.
- Are you a girl or a boy? Agatha asked innocently.
Rio didn’t know how to answer, it was the first time anyone had asked her that question. She opened her mouth and closed it again. Her eyes widened.
- What…? If you’re sitting here to make fun of me like the rest of them, you can leave, Rio snapped.
Agatha’s cheeks flushed, her voice trembling slightly.
- No! No… I mean… your face, it’s very androgynous, and your name doesn’t help much, Rio. I… I don’t want to be wrong.
Rio frowned, swallowing hard. Her entire life had been thrown into question by her encounter with Agatha. She had never really felt comfortable being perceived as, and identifying as, a boy.
Rio came out to Agatha two years later, and officially three years later.
Rio was a woman, and what a woman. The woman who had trembled at the thought of telling Agatha, upon learning that she went to Mass every Sunday and that her mother was a pastor at the town church. But Agatha had never said a harsh word, Agatha had never shared the church’s views, though she never broke any rules under her mother’s strict supervision.
When they moved in together for college, she met Agatha’s mother. She was delighted that her daughter was moving in with her intellectual best friend, who would spare her from drunken parties.
For years, Rio had tended to the physical and psychological wounds that Evanora had left on Agatha. Now she wouldn’t touch her anymore. Agatha had finally found her home, a home she wouldn’t leave for anything in the world.
And even today, she still didn’t want to leave it.
The bar was noisy, which was pretty normal for a Saturday night. Jennifer and Alice had already gone off to get something to drown Agatha’s bachelorette party in. Wanda was sitting next to her, that smirk still on her lips, while Natasha and her sister at the other end of the table were already starting to argue. The only one missing was Rio.
Agatha was nervously twirling her engagement ring around her finger. Rio shouldn’t have been late, she’d promised she’d join them right after leaving the library. What on earth could be keeping a sociology researcher so late? It’s not like society was on the verge of collapsing…? Well, yes... But Rio couldn’t do anything about it right now anyway.
- Here’s to the bride-to-be! Jennifer announced.
Agatha accepted the margarita with pleasure, taking big, cool sips while glancing toward the door.
Wanda placed her hand on Agatha’s forearm.
- Hey, relax, she’ll be here. Rio wouldn’t miss this for the world, you know that.
Agatha nodded, trying to convince herself that nothing had happened to Rio. Just then, a captivating brunette walked through the door.
Rio was wearing stiletto heels that were far too high, a black satin slip dress that barely covered her body and was far too short on her thighs. Her hair was pulled back into a loose bun, her lips painted purple, and her eyes smudged with kohl. Agatha’s jaw dropped for a split second too long, causing her to miss the group’s ovation as Rio entered.
Rio smiled, that smile that always twisted Agatha’s insides. She collapsed onto the bench next to her, slamming the keys to her old car down on the table. Her shoulder brushed against Agatha’s in a comfortable closeness.
- Sorry I’m late, I took a detour to return Hela’s stuff.
- What? You two aren’t together anymore? Wanda asked in surprise.
Rio shook her head.
- Nope.
She pronounced the "p" sharply without giving any further details. Agatha turned her head toward her, stunned, almost hurt that she hadn’t been told.
- Since when? Agatha whispered.
Rio brushed her cheek with her index finger, a reassuring gesture she often made, only for her best friend.
- Since this afternoon. I would’ve told you otherwise, you know that.
Agatha frowned slightly, and Rio nodded. "I’m fine. We’ll talk about it later." No words, just a nod that they both understood.
- Well! Single and gorgeous, Alice exclaimed, looking at Rio.
Rio winked at Alice.
- Well, you’re not bad yourself, I must say.
Jen jumped up as if someone were about to snatch her food away.
- Keep it in your pants, Vidal!
Rio laughed, a genuine, hearty laugh.
- Oh, believe me, she’s tucked so hard right now that I can’t even feel her anymore.
- Good for you, Jen added with an accusing look.
Rio turned to Agatha, giving her a small smile.
- How’s the bride-to-be doing?
Agatha nodded.
- Fine. It’s not like the wedding is tomorrow.
Wanda hummed cheerfully.
- Well, four months go by really fast, believe me. You’ll be Mrs. Bohner before you know it.
Rio clenched her teeth slightly, feigning a mocking laugh. Agatha swallowed hard.
- I hate her last name, I don’t even want to take it, but my mother would kill me if I chose not to.
Rio slipped her arm around Agatha’s waist, pulling her close.
- And your mother doesn’t get to decide anything in your life anymore, mi alma.
Rio pressed a kiss to her temple, Agatha pressed herself against her a little tighter. Agatha almost regretted the sleeves of her dress, she would have preferred to feel Rio’s skin against her arm rather than the rough fabric of her jacket.
Agatha nodded. Rio’s drink arrived, Agatha didn’t need to ask, Rio handed her the glass. It was just a habit. Agatha always stole a few sips from Rio’s glass.
- Things will be different after the wedding when Agatha moves in with Ralph, Jen teased.
Agatha’s face fell, Rio looked down.
- Well, if you feel too lonely, Rio, I volunteer to take Agatha’s place and run away from my sister, Natasha began.
- Agatha is irreplaceable, Rio declared. I don’t think I could stand living with anyone else.
Yelena started laughing.
- You mean no one else would agree to live with you! You’re awful in the morning.
- You haven’t seen Agatha, Rio added.
Agatha playfully slapped her on the arm.
The evening went on, and so did the drinks, faster, stronger. Yelena and Natasha had ordered shots, since Rio was planning to drive, she left hers for Agatha, who downed them without complaint.
When the girls had asked Agatha what she wanted to do for her pre-bachelorette party, Agatha had replied that she wanted to get so drunk she’d pass out in a bar, before repeating the same thing on Saturday night at her place for the actual party. And no one seemed to have forgotten. A group of girls a few tables away offered Agatha drinks to celebrate her upcoming wedding. Agatha accepted with pleasure.
Rio kept an eye on her, her hand resting on the back of her chair, shooing away any men who lingered too close with a single glance.
- Rio, Rio... Agatha hummed, resting her head against his shoulder.
Rio wrapped his arm around her waist.
- You're drunk.
- Yes, but you love me, Agatha mumbled.
Rio sighed and kissed her forehead.
- Yes, I love you.
She’d told him a hundred times, it was just as true today, but the closer the wedding got, the more painful it was to hide the depth of that love.
- Ralph wants me to dye my streak for the wedding, Agatha mumbled.
Rio nearly jumped.
- Excuse me? Agatha, no… not for him.
Rio loved that streak, that depigmentation in her hair that made it so white. It was Agatha’s trademark. A bit like her nose, carved from marble by Greek artists.
- I don’t want to, she whispered.
- Then don’t do it, Rio replied.
Then she added:
- Is he going to shave? Rio asked, knowing how much Agatha hated his beard.
- No, he says regrowth is painful.
Rio rolled her eyes. Okay, she’d always had the body hair of a five-year-old, but she knew for a fact that regrowth wasn’t painful.
- He’s a jerk.
Agatha didn’t react, she simply pressed herself a little closer to Rio.
- You know how much that makes you unique, how beautiful you are, right?
Agatha took Rio’s hand and wrapped it around her waist.
- I’m tired, Agatha sighed.
- Let’s go home, Rio whispered.
Home.
It was what Agatha had been searching for her whole life, what she had finally found when she moved in with Rio. What was going to be taken away from her after the wedding.
Ralph had a big house, Ralph was kind to her, Ralph had a good job, he was the marketing director at a big company. Much better than her salary as an editor, which fluctuated every month.
They didn’t live in luxury with Rio, but they lived well. They each had their own bedrooms, a living room that opened onto the kitchen, and a bathroom. That was enough for them and Señor Scratchy, the rabbit they’d adopted together. It had been enough for nearly five years.
Agatha nodded against Rio’s shoulder, and she understood.
- Excuse me, girls, but we’re going home. I’m exhausted and my feet hurt, Rio sighed.
Everyone nodded, and no one complained because they all knew it wasn’t Rio who was tired, but Agatha. And if Rio had decided to go home with Agatha, there was no negotiating, she had never let anyone push Agatha past her limits.
They made Agatha promise to be ready for tomorrow night. Agatha nodded quickly and climbed into Rio’s car, which was waiting right in front of the bar. She slumped into the seat, and Rio handed her a bottle of water, which she accepted gladly.
- You’re always up for anything, Agatha teased.
- Well, I don’t want you to wake up with a killer hangover tomorrow.
Agatha studied Rio closely, taking in her long black eyelashes and the strands of hair falling across her face. Then her gaze drifted down to her outfit.
- You’re not supposed to drive in heels like that.
- Then stop me, Rio teased.
- Hm...
She turned her gaze back to the road, calm and almost deserted.
- You broke up with Hela, Agatha added.
Rio nodded vigorously.
- She cheated on me.
Agatha nearly broke her neck turning her head toward Rio too quickly.
- What?!
Rio laughed, a genuine laugh.
- She cheated on me, Rio repeated.
- But how is that possible? Agatha asked in surprise.
Rio shook her head in disbelief.
- Well, with another woman?
Agatha shook her head in turn.
- No! I mean, how is it possible to cheat on you?! What’s her excuse? You’re so… well, I mean, it’s not like she could find anyone better out there.
Rio gave her a tender look and slid her hand up Agatha’s thigh, she flinched slightly before relaxing under her touch.
- Her excuse is that I didn’t want to move in with her, and I didn’t want her to move in with me after you left. I don’t want to leave our home, Rio admitted.
Agatha replied reluctantly.
- Well, could she have moved in after I left, then?
Rio shook her head again.
- No! It’s our home… I mean… It wouldn’t really be our home anymore if there was someone else there. I want to keep it exactly as it is, Rio whispered softly.
Agatha placed her hand on Rio’s, resting it against her thigh.
- So she cheated on you…
- Yes, it doesn’t really matter.
Agatha looked at her in disbelief.
- You’d been together for over a year.
Rio shrugged half-heartedly.
- Yes.
Rio focused on parallel parking, paying little attention to her emotions.
- And you’re okay? You’re not sad? Or hurt?
Rio finished parallel parking and turned off the engine before shrugging.
- Well, I’m not going to cry. I’m angry, yes, but I don’t owe her anything more than that.
Rio opened the door under Agatha’s incredulous gaze and got out of the car. She opened Agatha’s door, helping her out. Agatha swayed a little. Rio wrapped an arm around her waist, Agatha didn’t need to be asked twice and slipped her arm around Rio’s shoulders.
They climbed the flights of stairs leading to their apartment. Rio grabbed the keys from her bag and turned them in the lock without letting go of Agatha. They crossed the threshold and Rio guided Agatha to the sofa.
Agatha collapsed, pulling Rio down with her, nearly tripping. Rio’s face stopped about twenty centimeters from hers. Agatha held her there for a few moments. Rio didn’t move, a small smile on her lips.
Agatha brushed her cheek with her fingertips, her eyes wandering over Rio’s face.
- I don’t understand how anyone could cheat on you…
A pause. Rio smiled, then Agatha’s gaze wandered again.
- ...So beautiful...
Rio laughed and placed a soft kiss on Agatha’s cheekbone, flushed from the alcohol.
- I’m going to change, and then I’ll help you get ready for bed, okay?
- Mm.
When Rio came out of the bathroom, she was wearing simple, loose-fitting shorts and a worn T-shirt. All traces of makeup were gone, her hair was down, and she was barefoot on the worn hardwood floor.
Agatha sat up, Rio grabbed her hand and pulled her toward her to help her stand. Agatha clung fiercely to her T-shirt.
- Are you wobbly ? Rio asked teasingly.
- A little.
Rio helped her make her way to the bathroom, lowered the toilet seat, and helped her sit down. She gently removed her makeup, lightly brushing her eyelashes with a cotton pad, then moved on to her lips and skin. She handed her the toothbrush, the toothpaste perfectly applied.
- I’ll let you get changed. Will you be okay? I’ve laid out your pajamas on top of the washing machine.
Agatha nodded and got changed while brushing her teeth. She stumbled once or twice but managed to get dressed anyway.
Rio came back five minutes later and walked her to her bed.
- Rio... Will you sleep with me? Agatha asked, almost shyly.
Rio smiled and sat down on the other side of the bed, she pulled the comforter up over them. Agatha nestled into the crook of Rio’s neck, her breath warm, her eyelids heavy. A warmth stirred in the pit of Rio’s stomach.
- I don’t want to leave here… I want to stay with you…
- Don’t you want to live with Ralph? Rio asked seriously, her eyebrows furrowed.
- No. I want to keep living with you. I hate having to share my intimacy with someone else.
- I’m in your bed right now, Agatha.
Agatha wrapped her arm around Rio’s waist.
- It’s not the same with you.
Rio ran her hand through Agatha’s hair, twirling a strand of her white hair around her finger.
- You’re getting married, mi vida. You can’t live with your best friend in an old apartment when your husband is waiting for you with a big, new house.
- I don’t want a big, new house, I want our home. This is the only place where I feel like I belong.
Rio planted a tender kiss on the top of her head.
- You’ll feel at home with him, too. Home is wherever the people you love are.
Agatha clung to Rio’s T-shirt. She moved even closer to her, her leg draping over Rio’s. She was glad the comforter was pulled up over them to hide the effect Agatha had on her body.
- With you, Agatha whispered. You didn’t want to move in with Hela, so don’t lecture me.
- I would never have married Hela.
- Why not?
- I wasn’t really in love with her… I liked her, I cared about her, I was physically attracted to her, but it wasn’t that…
Agatha was silent for a moment, then sighed.
- I don’t think I’m in love with Ralph either…
Rio tried to sit up, but Agatha was holding her too tightly.
- What?! Agatha, it’s been five years, you accepted his proposal, you are going to marry him !
Agatha buried herself a little deeper into Rio’s shoulder.
- I’m sorry, don’t be mad at me...
Rio’s heart ached slightly at the sound of her voice, and she held her even closer. Carefully avoiding pressing her hips against her.
- No, mi vida, listen to me, I’m not angry, I just want to understand…
- I… He’s nice to me, really. My mom likes him a lot… and he’s handsome, I guess…
- You suppose?
Agatha shrugged.
- Well, I’m not really physically attracted to him, I don’t really think I ever will be.
Rio frowned even more.
- You’ve never…?
Rio didn’t finish her sentence.
- Yes… several times, but that’s because I wanted to know what it felt like to have an orgasm with someone... I’ve never managed to, I don’t know what’s wrong with me, I don’t even want to do it with him, Agatha whispered in a hoarse voice.
Rio turned to face Agatha, looking into her tear-filled eyes.
- Agatha... You’re not the problem. Just because you don’t feel that kind of thing with him doesn’t mean you’ll never feel it, I promise.
- I don’t even know what I’m supposed to feel, Agatha murmured.
Rio smiled gently at her, sliding her hand under her T-shirt, against her lower abdomen.
- You should feel butterflies here, and maybe other sensations… lower down… whispered Rio.
Agatha knew exactly what Rio was talking about, because she was feeling them right now, she’d been feeling them for almost five years. Never with Ralph, though.
Rio moved her hand up to the hollow of her chest, over her T-shirt.
- It must be beating really hard here.
Agatha nodded, staring into Rio’s dark eyes. Her gaze drifted to the brunette’s lips across from her.
- You must want to kiss them, to feel their skin against yours… Maybe even more… Rio whispered, brushing against Agatha’s flushed cheek. It can be scary, it’s like jumping into the void for the first time. But it’s often worth it.
Rio looked away, and Agatha let out a breath she hadn’t realized she was holding. After that, Agatha cut the conversation short, claiming she was sleepy. Rio let her escape the conversation, afraid of making her uncomfortable.
She turned her back on Rio, preferring to avoid having to face her gentle face after that. She grabbed Rio’s arm and wrapped it around her waist. She pulled her close until she could feel Rio’s small chest against her back. She accidentally pressed her buttocks against her hips, and Rio pulled back a few inches.
- Good night, mi alma.
- Hm… Night, Agatha grumbled.
The warmth of Rio’s arms, her soft breath against her skin, her body pressed against hers. All of that was enough to lull her to sleep faster than was reasonable.
She loved sleeping with Rio… in fact, the young woman spent more than half the nights of the week in Agatha’s bed. The other half, they were in Rio’s bed. The only exceptions were when they got home too late from work and the other was already asleep, not wanting to wake her up. Or when Rio spent the night at Hela’s. Agatha never spent the night at Ralph’s, her mother, who advocated virginity until marriage, would have killed her. She believed Agatha was a virgin, and Agatha certainly wasn’t going to contradict her on that.
When Rio spent the night at Hela’s, Agatha gritted her teeth and bore it patiently. She had once pretended to be sick to get Rio to come back, she’d found her curled up on the couch, looking sulky. Rio had rushed over, worried, before Agatha frowned even more, simply explaining that she didn’t want to sleep alone.
Rio had laughed, then slipped onto the couch next to her, never angry.
Agatha had always preferred Rio’s soft, warm body to Ralph’s hard body and the cold sheets of solitude.