Work Text:
The First Kiss
“Lord Hater, I know you’re a very busy fella so I won’t be long, but I’m here today cuz I got somethin’ mighty important to tell ya.”
Despite the entire infamous Hater Empire’s best efforts to keep the mischievous nomad out, Wander had somehow managed to once again sneak onboard the Skull Ship with not a single strand of orange hair out of place. To make matters worse, he was now in Hater’s room standing right beside his gaming chair which took the overlord by surprise-so much so that it made him lose the current match on his video game.
“WANDER?!” Hater cried, perplexed. “WHAT ARE YOU DOING HERE? AND WHAT IS SO IMPORTANT FOR YOU TO SAY TO ME THAT YOU NEEDED TO BREAK IN MY ROOM?!” Couldn’t this have waited until they bumped into each other again? Not that Hater wanted that to happen, but it was inevitable at this point.
“Well…” Wander sucked in a huge breath before replying, “I’ve decided ta’ finally leave ya alone forever.”
The skeleton overlord looked at said nemesis in disbelief, forgetting all about the anger from losing. In that moment, all Hater could pay attention to were the words he’d just said.
Wander…his most hated foe for YEARS…wouldn’t bother him ever again?
Sensing that Hater didn’t believe him, Wander added, “‘M serious!” The Star Nomad appeared sheepish but sounded genuine. His arms were around his back looking nervous as he rocked back and forth on his heels. “No more Wanderizing.”
Hater narrowed his eyes down at him. “Okay…This is, like, totally, unlike you. What’s gotten into you?” As much as Hater denied it, he understood Wander well. (To know thy enemy is to know thyself after all.) The Wander he knew and loathed would never ever do something like this.
“I dunno. I guess...” Wander shrugged meekily. “Been doin’ some thinkin’ lately. I can tell that my actions over the course of our long relationship have caused ya to get hurt and humiliated a lot and that’s not what true friendship is all about.”
“Nooo, you think?” Hater asked sarcastically.
“Which is why I’m gonna help ya for real this time! By mindin’ my own business and lettin’ ya be free to conquer the galaxy as much as ya want!”
“For real?” Wander nodded in response.
“This isn’t some trick?” Hater asked for clarification to which the fuzzball shook his head. There was somberness emitting from the small creature which Hater did his best to ignore. Even his hat seemed to be drooping slightly with defeat.
“FLARP YEAH!” Hater arose from his chair and struck a victorious pose before he eyed down at him suspiciously. “Wait a minute. What’s the catch?”
Wander let out a small chuckle which also held a hint of sadness. That wasn’t a good sign. “Alright, alright. Ya caught me Hatey. I’ll leave ya alone for good if ya do somethin’ for me in return.”
He knew it. Nothing was ever simple or easy when it came to the banjo wielding freak. Still, the offer of being left alone for the rest of his life was just too good to pass up on, so Hater decided to hear him out.
“Okay fine.” He relented. “What is it you want?” It was probably a hug or something dumb like that.
Biting his lip, Wander said, “I’ll leave ya be…ifin ya willin’ ta give me a kiss goodbye?”
Suddenly, Hater’s enthusiasm dissipated and was quickly replaced with fluster.
“WHAT?!” He shrieked cheekbones turning green. A hug was one thing, but a kiss? And why was he blushing? Wander of all people shouldn’t be making him blush!
“Yeah! I think it’d be real swell if we both had somethin’ nice an’ unique to remember each other by…” His voice trailed off, unsure of what else to say.
The skeleton contemplated for an uncomfortably long moment before he finally answered him.
“F-fine.” He grumbled.
“REALLY?!” The nomad could barely contain his excitement which made Hater feel nauseous.
“If it means that I'll never ever EVER see you again...”
“Oh I promise Hatey! Cross m’ heart!” Wander assured him, as he hurriedly pulled a reluctant Hater away from his chair to face him directly.
As they looked at each other, Hater swallowed the lump in his throat that he hadn’t realized was there. Wander then took hold of his gloved hands and began to stand on his tip toes.
Hater slowly, cautiously bent down to meet him halfway.
Then their lips touched.
Suddenly, an overwhelmingly joyous sensation took over them. Their surroundings became cheerier and warmer, a sharp contrast from the menacing, dark ambiance Hater was always used to. Birds began chirping merrily (where did they even come from anyway?) and a romantic symphony started to play out of nowhere.
“Mmmmm…Hatey.” Wander purred once the kiss had been broken as he caressed the side of Hater’s skull, sending Hater into a tizzy. “Kissin’ you has the greatest thing ta ever happen ta me! I’ll never forget this moment fer the rest of my life!.” Heart beating fiercely, Hater looked down at the little nomad, whose huge, glistening eyes were shining brighter than any star he’d ever seen.
“M-me too.” He confessed, cupping the nomad’s chin before they resumed kissing again.
“Actually…I-I wouldn’t mind you thwarting my evil deeds if it meant I could get more of this.”
The overlord’s eye shot open as he let out a blood curdling scream that shook the entire skull ship. He didn’t even realize that he was drenched with cold sweat and that a now agitated Captain Tim had scurried off from his bed but not before letting out his signature hiss.
Moments later, there was banging on his door.
“Lord Hater Sir? Are you okay?” Peeper’s worried voice could be heard on the other end.
Clenching his fists and gritting his teeth to the point where they almost shattered, the overlord uttered,“Oh.That. is. It.”
Hater vowed to himself that the next time he saw the annoying twerp, he was going to put an end to this nightmare once and for all.
“GAH! WHERE IS HE?!” He asked aloud in frustration some time later to no one in particular during another one of those mind-numbingly boring strategy meetings.
It had been months since they’d run into each other. The walking carpet hadn’t even tried to sneak aboard his ship which was very unlike Wander. Not that Hater had wanted the fuzzy oddball to, but it would’ve been so much easier to enact his plans of vengeance if he would come to him for a change.
All of the Watchdogs in attendance shot him confused glances but said nothing except for Commander Peepers who was leading the meeting at the head of the table up front like he normally did.
“Sir?” He asked carefully, already regretting not ignoring him and continuing on with his slideshow presentation.
But the overlord was clearly wrapped up in his own little world for the moment as he continued on his monologuing. “Like, of course everyone and their mother is afraid of me and would be completely out of their mind to want to willingly cross paths with the scariest evil villain they’d ever laid eyes on. But Wander is a total nutcase who doesn’t follow any sense of logical reasoning at all and would take any opportunity he can to mess with me. ”
“So. Why. In. The. Flarp. Hasn’t. He. Shown. Up. Yet?”
Hater then gasped before slamming both hands on the table startling a nearby Watchdog who had nodded off and shouting, “HE'S PLOTTING SOMETHING! I JUST KNOW IT!"
Sensing that his boss was spiraling, Peepers raised his voice,“LORD HATER!”
Then as soon as he saw Hater met his gaze, lowered it.
“Sir, if I may…” Peepers waited for the usual interruption from Hater for a second.
When he noticed the riled up skeleton was still quiet, the Watchdog continued carefully, "Isn't Wander not interfering with our plans for galactic domination a good thing?”
“IT IS NOT!” Hater retorted abruptly in a way that wasn’t at all suspicious before adding, with less volume and urgency, “I mean, well, like yeah without that W word getting in the way, conquering has been as easy as taking candy from a baby lately. BUT Knowing that he’s still out there and can foil any of OUR future evil schemes at any moment…”
“I can’t, no, I REFUSE to rest until that menace is finally gone for good by my own hand!!”
Peepers sighed, shoulders slumped in defeat. “Alright, fine. We’ll take a brief hiatus to track down the mangy menace and that dumpy zbornak AFTER we steal the planet Thalmeris from King Calamity the Magnificent. Deal?”
“Deal.” Hater replied, leaning back in his seat with a satisfied smug grin.
Some of the Watchdogs rolled their eyes or shook their heads while others snickered and whispered amongst themselves.
Thalmeris itself wasn’t much to speak of aside from its mesmerizing bluish hues of both the sky above and the sandy dunes below.The population was rather low with only the king, his loyal henchman and servants at his palace as residents.
But a planet was a planet so it’ll have to do. Also, it was rumored that lying deep beneath the surface was illuminating loam that could be used to grow practically anything. That could come in handy down the line.
The skull ship hovered over the small blue globe, its tongue hitting the sandy terrain and the watchdog army proceeding down it with either laser guns to capture the natives or drills intending to penetrate deep into the soil.
Of course Hater descended last, directly making his way over to where King Calamity’s “Castle” resided which was entirely made out of the same blue sand. While aesthetically pleasing with its fancy architectural design, there was no way it was sturdy enough to withstand the attacks of his army.
When asked if he wanted anyone to accompany him to face off against the ruler, Hater brushed it off. He’d seen the stats on this guy. Hater could take him on, no sweat.
“King Calamity the Magnificent, your planet is now mine!” Hater roared upon entering the throne room before he gasped at the scene before him.
The king in question was a three foot tall lizard man that had yellow-caramel colored scaly skin along with an evil mustache and goatee. King Calamity also adorned a silver crown and matching cape.
He was standing in front of Wander, who was strapped to a table tilted at an angle with rope. On the ceiling right above the nomad was a pendulum swinging from side to side. Nearby a lever stood out which probably was connected to it somehow.
Apparently the two had been in the midst of a conversation prior to Hater showing up, although it was more likely an interrogation.
“Aw shucks King Calamity…I don’t know what to say. Ya sure do know how ta make a guy feel special. Not many would go outta their way to build a fancy guest bed an’ clock jus’ fer me! And in yer throne room no less!” Wander complimented the king with one of those smiles which Hater thought was only reserved for him.
“Silence fool! I’m about to destroy you! No one tells ME what to do with MY planet! I conquered Thalmeris fair and square. Which means only I can use it however I see fit!”
If Hater were actually paying attention to the two’s conversation, he’d probably find that he agreed with -and even held a bit of sympathy for- the angry ruler. But he was too busy seeing red to comprehend what exactly was going on.
Why was Wander gushing over a villain other than him?
It was excruciating to look at.
How dare the stupid pain in his rear act all chummy with this miscreant while ignoring Hater as he trespassed his thoughts day in and day out? That was just plain rude!
Hearing Hater’s booming voice made the two finally aware of the skeleton's presence.
“HIYA HATEY!” The little nomad greeted him joyously.
“I said SILENCEl!” King Calamity harshly commanded his “prisoner”.
Seeing the predicament the little alien was in, Hater wondered where Sylvia was. Was she really missing when her best buddy was about to be hurt or even killed?
Granted King Calamity wasn’t much of a threat. Most likely Sylvia probably knew that Wander would be fine on his own, but it still didn’t make sense to Hater that she wasn’t around. He surmised that wherever she was, soon enough she’d catch wind of his arrival and would be without a doubt giving Peepers and the rest of his henchmen a hard time outside.
After screaming at Wander, King Calamity finally shifted his focus from him to his new intruder.
“Lord Hater. Come to challenge me for my planet, eh?” He hissed. “Well too bad for you, I-”
One good zap was all it took and the lizard man king was done for, collapsing to the ground in a smoking, burnt heap.
As his powers faded away, Wander burst free from his trap and pounced on the overlord which made him recoil.
“D’aww Hatey, it’s so nice ta see ya again but ya didn’t have ta go an’ knock out the poor guy like that! What happened ta just talkin’ things out? ‘Sides, you and Calamity here have a lot in common. I think you two woulda made great buds!”
Hater grimaced. So the pesky furball wasn’t even in danger at all and could escape whenever he wanted to? Why was he schmoozing up to that guy then if he wasn’t trying to convince him to spare his life?
What was worse is that Hater knew he shouldn’t be preoccupied with this. He had far more important matters to attend to and yet he couldn’t help being peeved at the little alien’s actions.
“What are you even doing here?!” The evil overlord angrily demanded as he shoved him away.
Wander being his typical self wasn’t the least bit fazed by being forcefully pushed back. “Syl n’ I just happened to stumble upon this cerulean orb of beauty and decided to have a look around and that’s when I ran into King Calamity! Before ya came, I was just in the midst of encouragin’ my new pal here to accept my offer of helpin’ him sprucin’ this planet up a bit to help it flourish. I mean,didja know that the soil underneath Thalmeris is somethin’ mighty nice? He’d have a garden ‘s far as the eye could see if he were willin’ ta give it a lil TLC an’ quit holding it hostage all fer ‘imself.””
Hater didn’t respond but it was clear that he was agitated.
Noticing that Hater was still fuming for reasons he wasn’t quite sure of, Wander asked calmly, “You okay buddy?”
This simple innocent question caused Hater to lose it entirely. “Okay? OKAY?!”
He yelled, flailing about. “Oh sure, I’m fine! Peachy keen! Why wouldn’t I be okay? After all, my most hated enemy vanishes into thin air for months despite intruding my thoughts and dreams, like, every night, and when I finally run into him AGAIN, I find him shooting the breeze with some pathetic flop of a so-called king who can’t even put up a good fight!!”
Wander raised an eyebrow at his overly dramatic display. Was the Greatest Ruler in the Galaxy jealous? And he thought he had attachment issues.
“Well Hatey…I’m flattered that what we have together means so much ta ya. But there’s no need ta get all upset over my friendship with King Calamity. Out of all the royals I’ve ever encountered both good an’ not so good, you’re definitely in a league o’ your own!” Wander informed Hater, trying his best to solace him.
“Of course I am! I’m Lord Hater!” He proclaimed proudly.
“The greatest in the galaxy an’ number one superstar!” Wander cheerfully finished for him.
“But that still doesn’t give you the right to…to-” Hater paused once it occurred to him that he was going to blurt out how insensitive it was to let other aliens capture him which sounded utterly ridiculous.
“Look here. You’re my enemy okay?! So only I get to destroy you. Don’t you ever forget that. Got it?”
Wander gasped, sounding offended. “I’d never do such a thing.”
Hater, feeling rather silly now yet still justified after his outburst, silently turned his back towards him, not wanting Wander to see how bothered he still was at what he considered to be a huge betrayal.
Seeing Hater act so standoffish made Wander gripped his other arm in worry. How could he convince his buddy that he still meant a lot to him? Just saying so wasn’t enough.
Wanting to solve this dilemma, Wander then began to scratch his chin deep in thought before an idea came to him, “Ooh I’ve got it Hatey! I am going to prove ta ya once and fer all that our relationship means more ta me than anythin’ else in the galaxy by doin’ somethin’ i’ve never done wit anyone else before!”
That seemed to pique the overlord’s interest as he turned his head towards him slightly.
“We could do a secret handshake! Orrrr… speak in a secret language just for us! I’ve been workin’ on both ya see and-”
Lord Hater groaned in annoyance at Wander’s ramblings. Why was he even still giving this fool his undivided attention? All it would do was drive him even more bonkers.
As Wander continued to go on and on not even pausing once to breathe, Hater was mentally counting down the seconds until he blasted him to smithereens when suddenly something the weirdo said made him spin back around in disbelief.
“Wait, what was that now?”
After the Star Nomad gasped for air, he blinked in confusion. “What was what now?”
“The last thing you said!” He asked impatiently.
Upon realizing what Hater was referring to, Wander smiled coyly as he fluttered his eyelashes playfully.“Oh! Ya mean a kiss?”
“Psshhh…Nah, I was kinda jokin’ about that last one.” He explained casually, reverting back to his normal demeanor. “Tryin’ to get your attention is all since ya were spacin’ out. And it looks to have worked.”
Cheekbones glowing green, Hater became livid. Did he really just resort to such childish perverted methods to get his attention? How insufferable could one truly be?
However, instead of reacting in his usual boisterous way with screams and threats, Hater decided to try something different this time. Wander had unknowingly provided him with an opportunity that he would gladly take.
Taking a deep breath and mentally preparing himself, he asked calmly, “Well?”
Wander cocked his head to the side. “Well what, Hatey?”
“Aren’t you going to, you know, kiss me?”
Since that Grop-awful night, that dream consisting of the two of them making out was like a reel to a horror film that played nonstop in his mind. After dwelling on it, Hater figured the only way to rid him of this endless torture was to have the dream scenario actually play out in reality.
There was NO WAY that he would ever enjoy kissing Wander in real life. The conqueror reasoned that by having Wander kiss him, it would certainly result in Hater instantly reacting with disgust thus ridding him of this foolish fantasy he’d been fixated on once and for all so things could go back to normal. Or at least as normal as things could be with Wander in his life.
“I-if you really want to prove to me that our…” Hater cringed as he spoke but made himself endure. “Friendship…is special, then, kiss me.”
Wander still had yet to respond and there was a strange, uncomfortable silence that made Hater want to disappear from not only this room but existence entirely.
Although he appeared unbothered outwardly, the skeleton was desperately racking his brain to try and figure out what to say or do in order to get out of this dreadful situation without further embarrassing himself. Maybe he could backtrack and say that he was also kidding?
Suddenly, Wander’s gentle response that was barely above a whisper could be heard, putting his worries at ease.
“Do ya really mean it Hatey?” He asked incredulously. Did he stutter?
Sighing, Hater answered with a curt, “Sure. Whatever.” At least Wander hadn’t mocked or flat out rejected him for such an inane request.
“Really really?!”
“Yes really! Now kiss me before I change my mind!”
“Okey doke!” Ready to get this over with, Hater closed his eyes as he prepared to lean forward just like he had in his dream before stopping midway after he felt a fuzzy sensation on his cheekbone which caused a fluttery feeling that not only made his stomach flip but also pleasant tingling all throughout his bones. In addition, his tiny heart was practically jumping out of his chest with how fast it was beating and his head was spinning.
Apparently once given the go ahead, Wander hadn’t wasted any more time in landing one on him but not in the place where Hater had expected.
Raising his hand to the spot on his skull which now felt an unfamiliar warmth that was already beginning to fade away, Hater reopened his eyes to see Wander standing there in front of him as if nothing had happened. Clearly the furball hadn’t been affected the same way he had.
“There. How was that?” The talking orange mop inquired afterwards, feeling as giddy as ever before realizing that Hater still seemed to be stunned by what had happened as he refused to say anything.
Frowning slightly, Wander asked, “Hatey, are ya alright friend?”
No Hater wasn’t alright. He had only been kissed on the cheekbone and yet that small peck had resulted in all of that. He was also downright insulted! Did Wander think Hater wasn’t good enough to be kissed in a more sensual manner?
Not wanting to further show how he was clearly impacted by that display of affection, he immediately responded by shouting, “Y-you call that a kiss?!”
“Uh, yeah?” Wander replied, a bit confused. “After all, I did use my lips. Ain’t that what ya wanted?”
“I di-” Hater began before cutting off, shaking his head furiously.
“Oh COME ON! You really expect me to believe that you’ve never ever kissed any other villain on the cheek before?” He had to! He was Wander for crying out loud!
The Star Nomad’s spirits dampened then, unsure of what to say to that. He had liked giving Hater the kiss just now but it hadn’t curbed his doubts. Wander didn’t recall ever doing that before, but maybe he had at some point and simply forgotten.
Furthermore, his guttyworks were all twisty from just that tiny display of affection which was evident to Wander that he indeed wanted to do more. He just didn’t think Hater would be comfortable with going beyond that. However, he couldn’t muster up the courage to tell Hater that and he wasn’t quite sure exactly why.
“You know what? Forget it.” Hater stated coldly, fully regretting his decision now. “Just go away.”
“But-” Wander tried to protest but Hater wasn’t having it.
“Get lost!” He demanded in a tone that wasn’t necessarily yelling but still higher than it had been just now. His voice cracked at the end and Hater mentally berated himself for it.
Head lowering, Wander slowly began walking away before a realization came to him.
Without coming out and saying it, Hater’s reaction at that moment demonstrated that he had expected to be kissed in the area where lips would be. Hater basically confirmed that he was okay with kissing Wander in a much more intimate way!
Enthusiastically spinning around, Wander exclaimed, “Hatey this time I know fer sure that we’ll make this bond different from all the rest. Pucker up those lips friend, cuz you’re bout ta receive the best smooch in yer entire life!”
“We’re not friends!” Hater quickly pointed out. “And I don’t care! I just want you as far away from me as possible. Now!”
Determined, the little fuzzball straightened up and marched back over towards him. For some reason, Wander appeared a bit flustered as well but it wasn’t enough to stop him from doing what he had set his mind to.
So defiant as usual. Green sparks circled through the skeleton’s body as he raised his arms ready to attack.
“If you aren’t going to listen to me then you leave me no choice.” He growled. “You had your chance to escape, now prepare to-”
Hater couldn’t finish what he was saying before Wander jumped up and grabbed the edges around his hood, leaning all the way down inside to the point where his entire furry face was barely an inch away from his.
The next he knew, Hater felt soft fuzzy lips touch his own.
To Hater’s astonishment, kissing Wander wasn’t horrible.
In fact, it was the exact opposite. Similar to that dream nightmare he’d had awhile back, it was like he’d been transcended into a reality where all he could feel was peace and tranquility.
And pleasure. Lots of pleasure.
For a brief moment, Hater simply stood there frozen in place with his arms spread wide as sparks flew around them, literally.
What was happening? It was like Hater was in a trance that temporarily caused him to lose control of both his mind and body. All his mind could register was Wander and the only body part he could eventually get to work was his tongue which was craving some exploration into the nomad’s mouth that reminded him of nature. Woodsy and refreshing.
Wander let out a soft moan as their tongues clashed and Hater quickly discovered that sound was music to his ears, er, lightning volt antennae.
Yes Wander, moan more for me. Just like that.
Somehow during the kiss, Hater convinced himself that what he was doing with the nomad was a form of torture for the little weirdo.
After all, if he were to record this exact sound and hear it played back on his boombox (not that he ever would) and labeled it as “Wander’s torture mixtape” then it would be nearly identical to the noises Wander would make if he was actually being tortured. Hater was sure of it.
This intense kissing session went on for what felt like eternity before Wander finally leaned back out of the hood for air.
“Oh my…” Wander began, eyes all lit up before releasing one hand from the hood to fan himself. “That was…amazingly steamy!”
Hater, who had since grown weak in the knees from their kissing, was close to fainting which Wander immediately noticed, grabbing ahold of him to help steady himself, beaming all the while.
“Careful there Hatey. Wouldn’t want ya ta fall over and get that neat cloak o’ yours all dirty!”
After his mind processed what had just transpired, Hater angrily straightened up and removed himself from Wander’s grasp.
Electrical parks continued swirling around him as he clenched his fists. “Why you little-”
“So did it work?” Wander asked in a somewhat sultry tone.
Upon hearing that question, Hater’s rage vanished into thin air. “H-huh?”
“Is that proof enough that our friendship is special and different from other friendships we have?”
Hater was so taken aback at the question that he couldn’t even speak, totally forgetting why they were kissing in the first place that he couldn’t even shout to the universe that they weren’t friends. This caused the nomad to giggle and all the skeleton could do was stand there looking at him, utterly dumbfounded.
Although he was fully aware of what had transpired a moment ago, Hater couldn't believe it. Wander had not only locked lips with him but had also taken the lead with Hater gladly submitting to him.
On top of that, Wander had been the one to stop it! As if he were the one in control of this weird situation they were in even though Hater had suggested they kiss in the first place!
Once he was done laughing, Wander poked at Hater’s stomach in order to get him to focus.
”Boink boink.”
Witchcraft. It had to be witchcraft.
Why else would Wander, the one person he truly detested the most, kissing him cause him to feel things that no one else in the entire universe had ever made him feel?
He always knew that Wander was a force to be reckoned with but now, NOW he was absolutely positively sure of it.
Though he refused to admit it out loud, there was no way that the skeleton dictator could ever beat him. No force in the entire universe could compete with that! Hater swore that Wander would pay for this! But how?
Whatever. There was a more pressing issue at hand here which was bothering Hater subconsciously and he was going to deal with it right then and there.
Instead of responding with words, Hater, sneering, roughly grabbed the nomad by his noodly arm and pulled his entire body closer. Wander appeared to be caught off guard by this action which pleased the overlord. “Hater-!” Wander couldn’t utter another syllable before Hater picked him up and aggressively took his lips just as much passion as before.
This time, Wander eagerly followed Hater’s mouth movements as his eyes were nearly rolling all the way to the back of his skull.
Another moan escaped at some point and Hater was surprised that it had come from him this time, yet he still wasn’t done.
For some unknown reason, he simply couldn’t get enough of the hillbilly weirdo.
Why am I kissing Wander again? Hater inquired of himself during their entire second intimate exchange.
They had kissed already. Wander had accomplished the goal of making their bond distinctive and Hater had been able to test out his theory (with rather unexpected results).
So why were they doing this?
And why had he initiated?
The only sane explanation Hater could come up with was that he refused for either of them to depart Calamity’s castle without him being in control of the weird situation they now both found themselves in. By no means was it a good excuse but it would just have to do.
When the pair finally separated for the second time (with Hater being the one to do so), Wander looked up at Hater in astonishment. “An’ here I thought that I’d just had the best kiss in my entire life! Ya proved me wrong in an instant.”
Hater tensed up. Did that mean it wasn’t good? He thought he’d been a decent kisser based on Wander’s positive reactions.
Wander grinned so wide it took up half of his face as he clutched Hater’s cloak. “THIS was the best kiss I’ve ever had in my entire life! Why, I’ve…never kissed someone like that before.”
Me neither. Hater wanted to reply. It wasn’t like he had anything else to compare it to as he had never kissed anyone before at all. Not that Wander needed to know that.
Instead, all he could muster was a simple word which also served as a question.
“Really?” Hater asked timidly, setting him down gently before mentally kicking himself. Why did he care?
“I’d neva tell a lie darlin’.” Wander put his hand on his heart. “An’ I can absolutely POSITIVELY say that in all my years of interstellar traveling, you in fact are the best person PERIOD that I’ve ever kissed. You’re amazing, Hatey!”
“Well duh, obviously! I’m not known as the greatest in the galaxy for nothing!” Hater replied with a smirk. It was nice to hear those words though, even if they were coming out of Wander’s mouth.
Oh Grop…His mouth.
Hater couldn’t help himself as he looked at Wander’s mouth as the latter was talking away.
“Buuuut, as much as I would love to do this some more, I’d really gotta get goin’ before Sylvia worries about me for not meeting back up with her at our designated spot. She’s probably done usin’ the bathroom now and is waitin’ for me patiently like the amazin’ friend she is!”
Oh yeah, that’s right. Hater vaguely remembered Wander explaining some time ago that Zbornaks only used the bathroom every five months and it could take a while for them to finish when they did. Of course he could’ve gone his entire life without knowing that bit of information but at least it rationalized where she had been at this whole time.
And thank Grop for that. It was probably for the best that he left before Sylvia, Peepers, or someone else walked in and found them like this. They would be sure to have questions that he really didn’t have any answers to.
Wander scratched his chin again. “Still doesn’t answer the question though.”
“What?” At this point, Hater’s mind was as blank as a brand new art canvas.
Clasping his hands together and batting his eyelashes, Wander asked, “Did I finally prove ta ya that no other villain can hold a candle to our special bond?”
“Uh…yeah…I guess.” Was all Hater could stammer after he realized that he had yet to answer the question from before.
As Wander squealed with delight, the petulant skeleton once again recalled the dream he’d had last night. For as exhilarating as it had been, it had failed to prepare him for an experience that had essentially been infinitely times better.
“Later Hater!” Wander bade him farewell, practically bouncing away. “And don’t worry, this will be our little secret!”
As if by divine timing, merely a few seconds after the jolly alien had left out the door, Peepers arrived, shocked to see that the scruffy nomad was not only unharmed but actually very cheerful. It shouldn’t have come as a surprise as Wander was always in high spirits, but something about his demeanor made the Watchdog commander shiver slightly before he went over to be at his lord’s side.
“Wait, Wander was here the whole time?” Commander Peepers inquired.
Great. Just what he needed right now. Being scolded by Peepers.
“You saw him with your humongous eye of yours, didn’t you?”
“That I did.” Peepers confirmed, trying as much as possible to not sound irritated. “So how come you just let him go free? Didn’t you want to capture the pest and get rid of him for good?“
Hater wasn’t in the mood for this. “Never mind that Peepers. What matters is this chump who as you can see has been defeated. Have the troops lock him in the dungeon with the rest of the prisoners. I’m going back to the ship.”
As much as Peepers wanted to further question his boss as he watched him go, seeing as how chipper Wander had been, the Watchdog was sure that it’d probably been for the best that they didn’t have to deal with him right now anyway.
Later on that night, the skeleton was lying in bed wide awake with bloodshot eyes as his mind was racing of thoughts about Wander, their kisses, and what to do about them.
So his original plan had backfired due to the tricky nature of his rival. Big deal. Hater wasn’t the least bit worried. No siree.
Sure Wander now had another effective way of manipulating Hater at his disposal by kissing him and making him feel all euphoric and loopy and weak and all that junk.
But Hater had shown that he could use the exact tactics to flip the switches and have Wander also feeling and acting the same way-at least to an extent.
For the longest, it seemed like all Wander wanted more than anything was his -and only his- attention and affection.
Well, now Hater had finally given it to him willingly and Wander had even stated that he wanted even more of it. So, perhaps if Hater played his cards right, he could use these kisses to get Wander to do whatever he wanted. Maybe even agreeing to stay out of his way so the Hater Empire would be free of the annoying spoon at last? Or letting him finally destroy him?
The answer was probably no to both of those.
Regardless, Wander had enjoyed their kisses. A lot. Granted Hater had too, but that wasn’t the point! Hater was certain that he’d be able to use this little nugget of knowledge to his advantage somehow.
Hater would play along with the nomad’s mind tricks for now. But when the time was right, he’d make the furry catlike thing pay for what he did to him with some dubious tricks of his own no matter how many kisses it took. Hater could be just as crafty and cunning when he wanted to be. Wander would see.
But…he’d have to be discreet about it. If anyone else were to find out about what they were doing…Hater shuddered at the thought.
Wander had said he’d keep it a secret, but he still had to be careful.
Eventually, Hater closed his eyes as was drifting off to sleep before a terrifying revelation occurred to him.
He had just admitted to himself that he liked kissing Wander and wanted to do so again.