Work Text:
Yn is a very joyful and cute girl at the Akademiya. She is very caring, and always gives everyone a chance to be included no matter what. Yn and Zandik were childhood friends growing up.
Zandik was a very quiet and observant boy at the Akademiya, he barely had any friends, other than Yn.
As Zandik was walking out of his dorm one day, he heard Yn’s annoying voice call out to him. Their dorms were beside each other's, unfortunately for him.
“Zandik!! Wait up!!”
Yn said, running towards him with a huge smile on her face. Zandik let out an audible sigh as his ruby red eyes squinted in barely concealed disdain.
“Hi Zandik!”
She tried to lay her arm around his shoulder but he pulled away faintly, so she didn’t pester any further.
“Can I walk you to class?”
Yn said softly, her hair quite messy from running.
“I don’t mind if you walk me to class, but if you keep running up to me and yelling my name in the mornings, people will begin to think we’re dating or something..”
Zandik said in a quiet and insecure tone, glancing around.
“Hm? Does it really matter what people think, Zandik?..”
Yn questioned softly, mainly to herself.
“If it bothers you that much.. Then I’ll stop..”
Yn said quickly after with her signature smile as she took Zandik’s hand. Without really giving him much time to let go of her hand, she began walking to class.
“Ugh.. L- Let go of my hand, now..!”
Yn let go of Zandik’s hand once she heard him start grumbling about it. She stopped in place and looked back at Zandik.
“Sorry.. I must’ve gotten carried away. You make me excited, Y’know..”
She said that last part very quietly, but apparently not quiet enough, as Zandik raised an eyebrow softly.
Before Zandik could say anything about her whisper, she changed the subject smoothly.
“You’re gonna be late, hurry!”
Yn grabbed Zandik’s hand tighter and pulled him along. She loved holding Zandik’s hand so tightly like this. It made a huge smile appear on her face every time she held his hand, better yet, even when she so much looked at him, her entire face lit up with joy.
Yn let go of Zandik’s hand softly. The tops of her fingers slowly faltered to move as she stroked the top of his hand quickly, without him noticing.
“Well, goodbye Zandik. I’ll see you at lunch!”
Yn happily waved as Zandik walked into the classroom without saying anything back.
Yn's smile faded slowly as she walked to her homeroom class.
The school day slowly faded to a blur as it passed quite quickly for Zandik. As Zandik heard the bell ring, he couldn’t help but zone out and think about that thing Yn had whispered before classes..
Before Zandik could go any deeper in his thoughts, a random girl approached him, snapping him out of his thought process.
“Hey, you should really pack your stuff up, Y’know. Nobody else is in here.”
The girl said, watching as Zandik looked around the classroom to find nobody but the girl in front of her.
“Ah.. I suppose you’re right..”
Zandik said quietly as he began to pack his things away. He started to wonder who this random girl was.
Once he had packed everything away, to his surprise, the girl was still there.
“You can go, now.”
Zandik said coldly. He didn’t notice how rude his tone sounded.
The girl scoffed, and began to walk away without another word.
Once Zandik looked back at her, he realized that the girl he was talking to was actually one of the most popular girls in the entire Akademiya. She was athletic and mature. Many people thirsted over her. Zandik wondered why she stayed and waited for him to pack his things up.
Zandik didn’t question any more, and began to walk out of the classroom. Only to find Yn waiting outside.
“What took you so long? And why was Phyllis in there with you? Was she speaking to you about something or what?”
Yn hadn’t realized how demanding she sounded, until Zandik scoffed.
“Ah.. Sorry.. I didn’t mean it like that, Zandik..”
She rubbed her forehead softly with her right hand.
“I’m sure she wanted nothing to do with me, she just caught me zoning out and told me to pack my things up.”
Zandik said with an unbothered expression. The one he always wore no matter what situation he was in.
“Aha.. Okay..”
Yn said softly, smiled, then looked down at the ground.
Zandik had noticed very quickly that Yn was acting strangely today. It was as if she was hiding something. Zandik decided not to question it.
Yn sighed softly, then looked over at Zandik.
“We should walk back to our dorm.”
Yn said as her hand reached for Zandik’s hand, and surprisingly he let her hold his hand today without grumbling.
Yn didn’t care enough to talk about it, as she stayed pretty quiet the whole way through the hall.
As they reached each other's dorms, not one of them had started a conversation or anything.
“I’ll see you in the morning, Zandik..”
Yn spoke quite dryly as she made her way over to her dorm.
“Yeah.. See you in the—”
Before he could even finish his sentence, Yn had already entered her dorm.
Zandik’s eyes glanced over at Yn’s door before a tiny bit of worry appeared on his face.
Zandik decided to ignore it for now and just relax inside of his dorm for the time being, maybe even study a little.
———
The next morning Zandik walked outside of his dorm, expected to be greeted by the same little annoying girl.. But yet, the hallway was empty. And Yn wasn’t there. Maybe she was already in class..
But that didn’t make any sense, because Yn always walked with Zandik in the mornings..
Maybe she had just slept in. Zandik didn’t want to disturb her, so he walked by himself to class.
The whole day, Zandik wouldn’t stop thinking of Yn, maybe she was just sick. But she was completely fine yesterday.. Besides the end of classes, Zandik recalled Yn looking completely healthy.
When the bell rang for the end of classes, Zandik packed his things up, and threw his backpack over his shoulder. But before he could walk out of the classroom, Phyllis approached him.
“Hey, Zandik.”
Phyllis greeted him nicely for such a popular girl.
“Hello..”
Zandik greeted back, disinterest dripping from his tone.
Phyllis could sense this and gave him a confused look.
“Why so detached?”
She asked playfully.
“It’s nothing.”
Zandik replied quite shortly, the atmosphere was drenched in awkwardness.
“Nothing? Really? Well.. Fine. I believe you, Zandik.”
Phyllis said smoothly, she glanced away for a few seconds, before looking back at Zandik.
“I’ll leave you to it.”
And with that, Phyllis left the classroom without another word.
Zandik could care less. He walked out of the classroom, not expecting Yn to be there, waiting.
“Ah, Yn..?”
Zandik questioned softly.
“I thought you were sick..?”
Zandik questioned again as it took awhile for Yn to answer.
“Nope.. I just overslept.. Haha.. Funny, right..?”
Yn tried to joke, her signature smile appearing on her face. But Zandik could tell something was off..
As they were walking back to their dorms, just as Yn was about to depart, Zandik caught her attention.
“Yn.. Is something wrong..?”
Zandik asked softly, a caring look etched into his usually cold expression.
“Ah.. It’s nothing, Truly…”
Yn tried to hide by smiling, but it didn’t work.
“I’ve known you for years, Yn.. I’m not dumb, I know something’s bothering you.”
Zandik pestered on, watching Yn’s face very carefully.
“…I said I’m fine.. I..”
Yn sighed softly, before looking up into Zandik’s ruby red eyes, her eyes full of unhidden emotion
“If Phyllis were to ask you to walk her to her dorm, would you walk with her instead of me..?”
So this is all that was about?
Zandik didn’t even have to think to answer Yn’s question.
“Of course not, I wouldn’t just ditch you to walk Phyllis to her dorm.”
Zandik replied with a gentle smile.
“You shouldn’t be jealous over something like that. We’ve known each other for years now. I wouldn’t ditch you for a girl I just met a day ago!”
Zandik sounded truthful in Yn’s lovestruck mind, so she nodded softly.
“Thanks.. Zandik, for the reassurance..”
Yn said vulnerably, before she walked over to her dorm.
“See you tomorrow, Zandik!!”
Yn said with a lively smile as she opened her door and closed it with a soft click.
———
The next day, Zandik had gotten up extra early just to walk with Yn, only to find out she had slept in again. He decided to wait this time for Yn.
Zandik was zoned out while looking down at the ground, before he saw Phyllis walking towards him.
“Good morning, Zandik!”
She said with a happy look on her face.
“Why are you just standing there? You should get to class before you’re counted as late..!~”
She said in a playful tone, after a few seconds, she spoke again.
“You should walk with me to class. You won’t be late that way.”
Zandik’s eyes widened as he took in Phyllis’s offer. If he were to walk with Phyllis to class, he would be going against everything he told Yn yesterday. But if he stayed here, then Phyllis would think he’s weird.
Zandik had decided to walk with Phyllis, since Yn wasn’t awake yet, she probably wouldn’t see.
But as Zandik was walking away, Yn had gotten up and walked out. Only to see Zandik walk beside Phyllis.
Yn’s joyful expression immediately disappeared and was replaced with the quivering of her bottom lip to try and contain her tears. Zandik had betrayed her trust, how could he?
Yn decided to not show up to class today. She already couldn’t find a reason to wake up in the morning, and now this? This was her biggest nightmare come true.
As the day dragged on, Yn could only think about Zandik walking away with Phyllis even after he assured her that he wouldn’t. That familiar gutwrenching feeling started to come back as she laid in bed. She could only wonder how worse her life was going to get as the days grew longer.
Hours passed without her realizing she was still in bed, she laid face first on the pillow to hide her tears. She had been crying all day long..
Meanwhile, it was the end of classes for Zandik. Phyllis and him had become friends. They sat together at lunch, and she even walked Zandik to his dorm.
Zandik hadn’t even thought of Yn until this very moment.
He realized that Yn hadn’t even attended classes today.
Maybe she was just sick.
Zandik couldn’t shake off this sickening feeling in his stomach, he kept thinking of Yn.
Zandik finally decided to go to Yn’s dorm.
He knocked slowly on her door, hearing no answer, he decided to just walk in unannounced. He made his way to her bedroom, knocking again.
“Yn?”
Yn’s head perked up as she heard Zandik’s voice.
She didn’t respond though. She just buried her head back in her pillow and hoped that he wouldn’t come in.
“Yn..? I’m coming in..”
Zandik opened the door, and to his relief, he saw her laying down on her bed, face first buried into her pillow.
A light smile rose to his face as he saw this, he thought she was cute like this.
“Are you awake, Yn..?”
Yn tried to ignore him, but she couldn’t find it in her to continue ignoring him.
“What is it..”
She said, her voice dripping with exhaustion.
“Yn..? Are you okay..? You sound.. Tired.”
Yn lifted her head up, praying that Zandik didn’t notice her old tear stains. But they were quite noticeable.
“I’m fine, Zandik.. Go back to your dorm..”
Yn said as she hid her face by looking down.
Zandik kept quiet for way too long.
“Yn..”
Zandik said, his voice laced with concern as his eyes widened.
“Lift.. Your face back up, please..”
Yn didn’t question a thing, and looked back at him.
“Yn..?”
Zandik’s eyes widened.
Yn kept quiet.
She didn’t know why he was being so quiet.
Until she realized she was wearing a short sleeved shirt.
And she looked down.
At her arm.
The fresh wounds she had inflicted onto herself were still wet with crimson blood.
She hadn’t noticed until just now that her arm was still wet with blood.
“Yn.. You didn’t do that to yourself, right..?”
“Right..?”
Zandik asked, although it sounded as if he was trying to convince himself.
All Yn felt was a huge lump in her throat. She couldn’t swallow it down. It felt as if her stomach was eating her own organs.
She felt her bottom lip start quivering again.
She felt as if her vision was starting to swim as she tried to hold back her tears.
“Yn..? Answer me..”
Zandik spoke louder than before.
It stayed quiet for a good minute before she felt the dam start to break.
She looked down at her bed sheets as a single tear slipped out of her eye and stained her pristine white sheets.
Before she knew it, multiple tears were forming and falling from her eyes. She couldn’t contain it anymore.
“Yn.. You’re not..”
“…”
“You’re not.. Crying, are you..?
A silent sob is heard from Yn.
“Yn..?”
Zandik stayed quiet as he watched tears roll down her eyes and fall to her bed sheets.
Her head stayed down, she wanted to hide from everyone.
“Yn.. I never knew.. I never..”
Zandik had to pause to regain his thoughts.
“I never knew you struggled so much, I..”
Before Zandik could think of anything else, he wrapped his arms around Yn’s shoulders.
Her arms laid limp for a while.
Before she eventually returned the hug as tears streamed down her cheeks and onto Zandik’s shoulder.
She knew he didn’t feel the same way she felt about him.
She could tell by his body language.
She was only his friend.
He didn’t know anything about her.
Yet he still tried to understand.
Zandik looked down at Yn’s arm, his eyes hesitating to even look at her open wounds.
“I want to know the truth.”
Zandik suddenly pulled away.
“You always seem so happy all of the time.”
“Don’t lie, Yn. I’ll know if you do.”
Zandik said, his gaze as serious as ever.
So Yn decided to spill the entire thing.
“Nobody else knows this, but I’m really depressed. I can hardly find a reason to get out of bed in the mornings, because nothing really motivates me to get up anymore. Not even you. Nobody understands how I feel, it’s because they all assume I’m fine, nobody truly knows me, not even you.”
Yn said softly, she looked down.
“I always make sure nobody feels down, but what about me? I’m always left in the dark. I never win. It’s inevitable for me.”
Yn looked back up.
“You can’t hide secrets from me Zandik. I saw you walking with Phyllis.”
She watched as Zandik’s expression dropped.
“You lied to me.”
Yn paused, blinking away tears.
“I don’t care about your explanation. I don’t care about it, Zandik. You can continue walking with her. It’s fine. I can walk alone.”
Yn looked back up at Zandik’s ruby red eyes. Yn admired Zandik so much. She loved the way his messy bluish gray hair contrasted with his pale skin. Especially his red eyes.
But right now, Zandik was staring at Yn blankly. As if he was confused.
“You don't understand me at all, Zandik. You try so hard.”
“You should try harder.”
Yn said, quite boldly as well.
Zandik looked down at Yn’s arm, then up to her face.
“I’m sorry I lied to you Yn..”
“I’ll try harder.. I promise.. I’ll spend more time with you, I swear..”
Zandik seemed almost scared.
“I’m fine, Zandik. You can go back to your dorm now.”
Zandik remained silent.
“How am I supposed to go back to my dorm after hearing that confession, Yn..?”
“How am I going to be able to fall asleep.?”
Zandik grabbed Yn’s wrist harshly.
“Yn.. I.. I can’t live without you..”
Yn’s face lit up at what Zandik was saying. Her heart was beating faster than ever.
“Yn..”
Yn’s eyes widened in delight, was he..?
“Yn, you’re my best friend. I wouldn’t be able to live without you.”
She could feel her heart begin beating faster, but not in a good way.
Her eyes widened, but not in joy.
She could feel every ounce of motivation fade away.
“Zandik..”
“I can’t breathe..”
She felt her vision slipping away as she looked up at Zandik.
“Zandik.. I love you..”
As Zandik heard the words that came out of her mouth, it felt as if he had gotten stabbed.
“You.. Love me..?”
Zandik questioned.
“Yes! You idiot…! And now, knowing that you don’t love me back..”
Yn turned her head away from Zandik.
Zandik seemed unaware of the thoughts spiraling in her head.
“I.. It’s okay, Yn..”
Yn turned her head back towards Zandik.
“What about this is okay?! You don’t love me back..”
Zandik looked down.
“You should just return back to your dorm. I’d rather you go than stay.”
Yn said harshly.
Zandik looked up at Yn.
“I’m sorry Yn.”
Yn didn’t say anything else. She looked over at him in barely contained pain.
Zandik walked out. He returned to his dorm.
Zandik appeared to be fine, but truly, he was worried and couldn’t contain his resentment towards himself for what he had done. He still couldn’t believe that Yn loved him..
But he still couldn’t believe she had depression as well.
———
Zandik looked at the time, it was well past midnight. He had stayed up studying for the test that was coming up.
He decided to go to bed, as his eyelids wouldn’t stop fluttering closed, and he could focus because of how tired he was.
The next morning, Zandik walked outside to see if Yn was out yet.. She wasn’t.
She was probably just sleeping in like she told him last night.
After he had made it through classes, he suddenly got this sickening feeling about Yn.
As Zandik was walking in the middle of the hallway, this feeling got stronger, so he decided to run. Even past Phyllis.
Once he made it to Yn’s dorm, he knocked on the door.
“Yn? I’m coming in..”
He walked in, there was absolutely no sound coming from her bedroom. So he assumed she was asleep. But just to make sure, he walked up to her door and knocked softly.
“Yn..? Are you asleep?”
After a minute with no reply, he walked in.
He never expected to see the sight of Yn laying on the floor, a cracked open medicine bottle beside her with pills everywhere on the floor.
To Zandik’s absolute horror, he ran over to Yn.
“Y- Yn..?! Are you okay..?”
He rolled her over to see her eyes closed shut, and her face pale.
“Yn?!”
His hand rushed to lay on her neck, where her tried to check her pulse.
Nothing.
He tried her wrist too.
Nothing.
Then the other wrist.
Nothing.
“No, no, no.. No.. No..”
Zandik shook his head a bunch of times, trying to cope.
“Y- Yn..?!”
“Please Yn..! Respond to me..!”
Tears started to stream down his face as he started sobbing.
He tried to check her pulse again.
Nothing.
Nothing.
Nothing.
“Yn.. Please. Be alive..”
He laid his forehead on her chest, tears falling on her cold skin.
“Please.. I’m sorry, Yn.. I love you..”
“I love you Yn.. Please don’t die.. I love you..”
Zandik started to sob louder, he could barely breathe.
This had to be a nightmare.
“I- I’m sorry Yn.. I love you… So much.. I fucking love you Yn.. I’m sorry..”
He kept apologizing over and over again to Yn’s corpse.
Five minutes later, he finally stopped and leaned over her forehead, and started to kiss her cheeks and forehead.
“I’m sorry.. I’m so sorry, my dear..”
Even when Zandik knew Yn was dead, he couldn’t accept it.
He couldn’t accept her death.