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So this is how it ends. Nearly a decade of sneaking around, of never having enough time, and Ilya has only had two short years of being married to the love of his life. He feels sick to his stomach with the knowledge that it's well and truly over. Of all of the things that it could have possibly been that torn them apart - the weight of the hockey world, the weight of their rivalry, the weight of the closet, the weight of the Russia of it all - Ilya never expected it to be this. He never expected Shane to simply not love him anymore.
"We're almost at the rink. Are you really going to keep giving me the silent treatment? The team is going to notice."
Ilya scoffs. "Of course. Typical for you to be worried about what the others think. They will notice that my husband does not love me anymore. They will notice when I have to announce that we are done forever."
"You are not going to tell the team that we're divorcing Ilya, oh my god. I can't believe you're being such a child about this!"
Ilya retreats to his silence. Now Shane is even trying to control what Ilya says to the team. Well, it's too bad for him that Ilya is the captain of the team, and he will say whatever he damn well pleases. He will not be muzzled by someone who does not even love him anymore. Maybe - and it hurts to even think it - never loved him at all. In fact, he doesn't even need to wait until they arrive at practice. Shane is driving - in his stupid, practical, ugly car - so Ilya takes the time to type out a heartfelt message and drop it in the Cens group chat. There will be many questions for them when they do arrive at the rink, surely, but at least the initial bomb has been dropped. Shane can't keep him from telling everyone what has happened. Shane can't control the narrative that he cares about so much.
Shane glances over at him when he hears the rumble of a new message on his phone from its place in the cupholder, but ultimately decides not to ask him about what it was or discuss the situation any further. They are practically already at the rink, so he doesn't say anything even when the messages start pouring in begging Ilya to say that it's not the case. Begging Shane to clarify if this is some sort of joke. Shane probably won't be happy when he sees the messages, but Ilya grabs his gear bag - only his gear bag, instead of both of them like he and Shane usually fight over - as soon as Shane parks, and he does not wait for the former love of his life, the man he was so happy to call his husband, before striding towards the practice facility with his head held high. Shane might not love him anymore, but Ilya still has his pride.
"Ilya, would you just - " He tunes Shane out. It does not matter what Shane wants Ilya to do. Not anymore. Not even when it's absolutely breaking Ilya's heart.
The security guard at the desk gives him a smile and a nod as he walks in, which Ilya attempts to return, but it seems that she can sense his sour mood, her smile dimming as he passes on the way to the locker room. Hopefully, someday, Ilya will be able to fully smile again. That day will not be today - the day he has lost everything. His phone continues to buzz away in his pocket, but Ilya doesn't pay it any mind. He'll have the chance to speak his piece once he's with the team.
Despite the fight before leaving, Ilya is still the first one in the locker room. He sighs and starts to change, grateful at least that when Shane comes in he will be on the other side of the room. Ilya had wanted him close when he'd signed with the Centaurs, of course, but Shane had been firm that they needed to have separate space both at the practice facility and at their home rink. Was it a sign that he had missed? A glaring red flag that shouted Shane doesn't love you that Ilya had just been too blind to see? He sighs as he thinks about how many things he must have missed before Shane finally turned his world upside down this morning in the space of a single breath.
Ilya does not turn to look when the doors open behind him, assuming that Shane will be the one walking through them. It's simply too hard to even consider looking straight at him right now.
A heavy hand clasps Ilya on the shoulder, and he sags a bit with the weight and the familiarity. Until he's absolutely and immediately betrayed the moment after.
"Roz, man, what the fuck? I know Hollzy's not actually leaving you. Didn't you literally drive here together? Did you send that message while on the drive over here?"
Ilya sniffs, shrugging until Bood's hand leaves his shoulder. "You have no idea what goes on behind closed doors."
The door opens again, and this time Shane's incredibly irritated (and irritating, Ilya thinks uncharitably) voice fills the room. "Did you seriously fucking text the team chat saying that we were getting a divorce? What the fuck is wrong with you? I fucking told you not to say anything to the team, Ilya, fuck."
"You are not the boss of me! Is my fucking team, Hollander, I can tell them what I want!"
"Woah, hey, let's maybe take a step back - " Bood starts, clearly ready to play peacemaker like usual, but he's interrupted when the door opens yet again.
"Tell me it's not true!" Luca says, and it hurts Ilya's heart to see his rookie in such distress, especially knowing that all of this could have been prevented if Shane only continued to love him the way that Ilya loved Shane. He sounds frantic, panicked, worried, and there's nothing Ilya can even say to comfort him because as bad as it may be for young Haas, Ilya is the one losing his husband. Ilya is the one whose entire world imploded this morning when he asked what he thought would be a silly, fun, no-brainer of a question. More of the team fills the locker room, intruding on the tense moment.
"What is going on in here already? It is way too early for you all to be making such a racket," Coach Wiebe says, stepping out of the small office that he has attached to the locker room in the practice facility.
Everyone speaks at once; a cacophony of noise erupting in the locker room. Luca's voice, high and entirely distraught, stands out above the rest. "Cap said that he and Hollzy are getting a divorce! That Shane doesn't love him anymore!"
That is apparently shocking enough to even stun Brandon Wiebe into silence, and so the stragglers filter into the locker room in a strange, still moment. People are moving slowly, heading to their stalls, but nobody really starts getting changed and ready for practice. Normally, Ilya would be the first one telling them to get a move on out onto the ice, but he does not have the energy for it today. Not without Shane's love fueling him. Shane's love of hockey might have been what brought him to Ilya, but without Shane's love of Ilya he finds he can hardly stomach the thought of playing the game.
Ilya does finally look at him, though, and Shane is absolutely flushed with embarrassment. Normally, it's one of Ilya's absolute favorite looks on him, but only when he causes it, when he wants it. Not like this. Not because Shane is ashamed about him instead of because of him.
He sputters, seems to take in the crowd, and gets a determined set to his shoulders. "We are not getting divorced. Your captain - as you all well know - is a drama queen. We are fine, we will handle this privately, now let's get ready for practice, yeah?"
"Couldn't have said it better myself," Coach Wiebe says, disappearing back into his office.
That's fine with Ilya. He is still the captain here, though, not Hollander. He summons years of giving rousing speeches to the Bears behind him as he projects, "You will not tell them truth, Hollander? You lie to them, say we will handle this privately?"
Shane flushes even darker, opening his mouth to continue, but Ilya has recaptured the attention of the room, even if Wiebe doesn't leave his office again at the sound of Ilya's voice. "I wake up this morning, normal fucking morning. I walk my dog with the love of my life and I ask innocent fucking question of my husband and he announces that he does not love me anymore. That he will leave me. Takes my dog back to our fucking house and leaves me there on the trail like nothing. Drops bomb on my head - "
" - in your lap," Shane corrects, like it fucking matters at all, like he's not taking away everything that truly matters to Ilya in one fell swoop.
"Drops bomb on my fucking head and then drives us to practice like I am not supposed to be upset about this. Like everything is normal and fine and - "
"Oh my god, you asked me if I would love you if you were a worm, Ilya! All I said was no! I don't fucking like worms! I am not leaving you, I still love you even when you're this fucking insufferable. I started walking home with Anya because we were going to be late. Now can everyone please get ready for practice? I might not have a letter on my chest but I'm sure I could talk coach into bag skates if we're all fucking late to the ice."
Most of the team is smart enough to take Shane at his word and start moving, even snickering about Ilya's tragedy, but Hazey and Luca stay next to the couple. Bood snorts and shifts over to his stall to start getting ready - as someone who does have a letter on his chest, it wouldn't be a good look to be last on the ice, and Ilya's grateful that he and Dykstra will be out there even if Ilya is late due to his husband leaving him.
While Luca and Wyatt are both still there, their attention is focused on Shane, and Ilya really cannot fucking believe it. His teammates do not even have his fucking back here? Ilya was their captain before Shane came to the Centaurs, and that wasn't even by his choice, not really. He starts going through the motions of getting ready, this complete betrayal shaking him to his core. Practice is going to be absolute shit, he knows it. At least, he thinks so until he hears what Wyatt and Luca have to say to Shane.
Hazey lets out a low whistle. "Hollzy, dude, that's fucked up. When Lisa asked me, I told her that I'd build her a habitat that ran through the whole house so she could always be with me. That she'd never have to want for anything, that I'd either bring her with me on the road or make sure someone was at the house to take care of her. And you said you wouldn't even love Roz anymore, which aside from being harsh is completely untrue. You two are disgustingly in love. You know that, right? It's important to me that you know that."
Before Shane can respond to Wyatt's excellently crafted argument, Luca chimes in and drives home the killing blow. "You wouldn't - you wouldn't really not love Roz anymore even if he did turn into a worm, right Hollzy? It's like Wyatt said - now that we all know that you're together, it's kind of impossible to imagine you not being together anymore. I was really worried."
Luca's earnestness seems to take the steam out of Shane, Ilya notes smugly. Good. The fact that Ilya was upset should have been enough to show him, but he could accept his rookie being the thing to break Shane's resolve about being right in this instance. As long as it didn't start happening too often. Ilya might have been Luca's childhood hockey idol, but it was clear that he was arguably more starstruck now sharing a team with Shane Hollander. A younger Ilya might have been insecure about this, but as he was now he certainly couldn't fault anyone for being in awe of Shane. That was his husband - as long as he didn't turn into a worm, apparently.
"I - I'm sorry that you were worried, Luca, but I promise that there's nothing to worry about. Ilya and I are still very much in love - even disgustingly, thank you for that Wyatt - and I'm sure after I apologize and make it up to him everything will be okay. I can probably even bribe him with getting McDonald's on the way home from practice. Now seriously, let's get ready, okay?"
Apparently that is enough to satisfy both Wyatt and Luca, who head for their respective stalls. Ilya, though, hears Shane approach him from behind, hovering somewhere near his right shoulder. Ilya resolutely does not look at him, because Shane has not apologized yet only seems to be cowed at all because of what Wyatt and Luca have said to him.
"Am not a child that you can bribe with McDonald's, Hollander, but is probably not a bad start. Maybe apology would be better one."
He hears Shane exhale sharply, clearly irritated, and hides his smile by ducking his head. Maybe he is drawing this out more than he needs to, but it did hurt to hear Shane say that he would not love him anymore. No matter what form he was in. And he knows that Shane knows that, but since Ilya has brought it here to the locker room, Shane will apologize now. Will stop by McDonald's and probably at least give him an apology blowjob when they get home, too. Is not so different from a regular blowjob, really, but Ilya can be extra smug about it.
"I'm sorry that I said I wouldn't love you if you were a worm. I love you no matter what. Even when you eat McDonald's, which is still frankly ridiculous for you to do as a professional athlete, but I will drive you there and even pay for it. And the rest of your apology is something we can discuss not in the locker room. Happy? Can I go get ready for practice now, captain?"
Satisfied - for now - Ilya turns and studies Shane, looking him up and down, blatantly checking him out but keeping his face impassive. Most of the team has moved out to the ice, and Shane hasn't even changed yet, which must be killing him. "We will see, later. Go now."
Shane opens his mouth as if to start arguing, but seems to decide better of it and just shakes his head and heads to his stall. He stomps his way over and Ilya watches as he somehow projects how mad he is the entire time he's getting dressed. It's prissy and unbelievably cute and Ilya's entire day has turned around.
He's changed his mind. Practice today is going to be great, and now he has the rest of the day to look forward to, too. The rest of his life, really.