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The following day after Dazai and Chuuya’s fun night 😏, Dazai walked into work with a slight limp to his step.
Ranpo looked up when he heard the door opening. He took one look at Dazai and snorted… loudly. It caught the attention of some other people in the room.
Yosano eyed him from where she was gathering papers outside her office. “Fun night Zai?” She asked with a smirk on her face.
“Oh a very good night. You wouldn’t believe it” Dazai answered with his own mirroring smirk. Yosano snorted out a laugh at that.
Atsushi watched his mentor limp across the office. “Dazai-san, are you okay? Did you get hurt? Why are you limping like that?”
“Hmm, don’t worry Atsushi-kun! I’m okay. Let’s just say …that I had a very active night” Dazai responded with a smirk on his face.
“Ughhhhh” Kunikida groaned. “Don’t ever encourage him, Atsushi. I don’t need to hear the details about his ‘very fun night’” he said with finger quotations on those last 3 words. “I’m already traumatized enough with that suicidal bastards antics…”
“Haha! Kunikida should definitely get therapy after what happened last time!” Dazai laughed out.
“Shut up you suicidal bastard!!!!! It’s not funny!!” Kunikida yelled back in defense. It wasn’t a very good defense but he couldn’t care less about that at the moment.
“It definitely is so very funny!!”
Atsushi looked confused. “Wait, what happened?” He looked around the office and at Dazai’s face, momentarily forgetting about Dazai’s predicament.
“Wellllllll-” Dazai started.
“Don’t you dare. Don’t. You. Dare. You keep your mouth shut” Kunikida launched himself across the tables and wrestled with Dazai to put his hand on Dazai’s mouth to try and keep him quiet.
But unfortunately for Kunikida, he had forgotten about Dazai’s two partners in crime: Yosano and Ranpo.
“Kunikida told ‘Samu ‘I love you’!!” Ranpo blurted out, rolling over the floor laughing after.
“Wait… Kunikida said WHAT!?” Atsusi screamed out. Which caught the attention of the rest of the office.
Junichiro looked at Kunikida and Ranpo. “Kunikida said what!?” he asked in disbelief. While at the same time Naomi asked “Kunikida-nii is gay?” Naomi was hanging off her brother's arm and both were in a similar state of disbelief. Mouths hanging open and everything.
“Haha! Yep! It was the best day of my life! Kuniiiiii-kiiida-kun finally fell for my charms!!” Dazai loudly said in delight.
“Ugh!” Kunikida’s face had turned red in embarrassment the moment that Ranpo blurted it out, and had kept getting redder with each word said. He stomped off a little while huffing like a little kid.
“Oh, Kunikida! Are you okay? You look a little red”
“OH YOU BANDAGE SQUANDERING MACHINE!!!!!!!! I did not say that!! …” Some minutes pass in awkward silence with everyone staring at Kunikida. “Okay, fine!! I did but it was only because I was tired and thought you were someone else!!”
“Ooooh, Kuuuni-kida-kun has a lover?? Why didn’t we know about this! Hey Yosano! Do you hear this? Kunikida has a lover!” Dazai said with a shit eating grin. He truly did love annoying Kunikida to death.
Thankfully, Yosano will always be on his side. “Oh my! Well, spill the deats Kunikida! Who is it?” Sauntering up to lean against Kunikida’s desk, she also had a matching shit eating grin.
“I-I… w-well… It’s none of your Business!! GET BACK TO WORK!!” Kunikida stuttered out with a face rivaling the richest and reddest tomatoes.
Dazai, Yosano and Ranpo just burst out laughing. Some others, like Naomi, were iching to hear more. The rest just sighed, used to the daily “Get back to work!” from Dazai annoying Kunikida.
Kunikida excused himself to use the bathroom just a moment later. The minute he was inside the stall with it locked, he closed his eyes, took off his glasses, and turned around to slowly slide down the door in misery and embarrassment.
He only wanted to get rid of his tomato face. That’s the reason for the bathroom visit. He promises.
Back inside the office Ranpo and Yosano continue interrogating Dazai for more details, much to everyone’s horror.
Yosano walked back over to Dazai’s desk to lean against his instead. “So, what happened? Did it get too rough last night?”
Dazai groaned. Just thinking about it was already making his underwear all wet. “Just a bit. Although with him, it wouldn’t matter if he went slow and sweet or hard and rough”
“...”
“...”
“Don’t leave me hanging here bestie! What dimensions are we talking about? 5 inches? 7 inches?”
Dazai looked down for a moment to get rid of the flush in his cheeks. Then he looked back up, stared straight into Yosano’s eyes, and said with the straightest face ever, “8 inches when soft, 10 when hard”.
Yosano’s mouth fell open. Just hung there in shock.
Ranpo choked on his chips that he had just put into his mouth.
They both stared at him for a few moments then yelled, “WHAT!?”
Across the office, Atsushi leaned over and asked Junichiro, “Soft and hard? What are they talking about?”
Junichiro just stared at him sadly, silently grieved for Atsushi’s innocence, then said one word. “Sex.”
Junichiro’s face was already slightly pink, while Naomi just had this big grin across her face. But Atsushi’s face exploded in color. He took off for the door, not looking back. For the next couple weeks, he couldn’t look his mentor in the eye without remembering the conversation and getting red.
And if the next day Dazai called in to tell them he’s not going into work that day because of leg issues, that’s no one’s but his business. And the ADA’s but who’s counting.
And if the ADA office exploded into chaos the next day because of that phone call… that’s also no one’s business.