Archive of Our Own

It was a warm evening in Tokyo, as Yoshiki walked towards his new apartment complex, a little shopping bag of ice-cream bought from the convenience store swinging lightly in his hand with every step. He had made a detour on the way back from university, because today Hikaru would be home after an early shift by the time Yoshiki reached back, and they could split the Papicco- Hikaru's favourite- between them.

Yoshiki found himself quickening his stride, taking the stairs two at a time, as he thought of Hikaru. Soon he reached the door to their studio apartment. The buzzing of Tokyo traffic had already faded, and Yoshiki felt a warmth blooming in the centre of his chest. It was nice to go home to Hikaru for once. Usually it was always Yoshiki who got back home from classes first.

"I'm home." Yoshiki couldn't help the happy lilt that had seeped into his voice, as he turned the door, and took off his shoes, eyes already seeking out the other boy.

"Oh, Yoshiki! Welcome home," the all-too-familiar voice greeted him back. Hikaru was lying on his tummy on the couch, feet up in the air, a manga in hand. He grinned. "How was your day? Oh, wait - did ya bring somethin'?" His eyes snagged on the kit in Yoshiki's hand. 

"I visited the convenience store on the way back." Yoshiki let the kit rest on their dining table, the condensation on it wetting the table top.

Hikaru came over to join him in the kitchen. "Oh! Papicco!" 

"They've melted a bit on my way back. Keep them in the fridge for a while-" Yoshiki couldn't even complete his sentence before Hikaru had already dug out the ice-cream and split the packet in excitement.

Yoshiki shook his head, smiling at Hikaru's never-fading alacrity when it came to food (it seemed no food item was an exception) as he was handed over the other half of the Papicco.

He eyed Hikaru. "I can't believe after all the things we tried out in Tokyo, these are still your favourites," Yoshiki commented. 

"Huh. I wonder why," Hikaru mused. The rest of his words came muffled over the ice-cream in his mouth, "Maybe 'm 'ostalgic 'bt 'em."

"Nostalgic?"

"Ya know. They're one of the first things I got to experience with ya. Ain't that special? " Hikaru said matter-of-factly, but Yoshiki's heart warmed nevertheless.

"Ya sound like an old man. Talkin' 'bout nostalgia and all."

"I am pretty old. Didya forget?" Hikaru grinned.

...

Yoshiki took a quick shower and when he came out, Hikaru had already decided on the movie they were to watch. They settled onto Yoshiki's bed, laptop resting half on Yoshiki's leg and half on Hikaru's, as they sat side by side, propped up against the wall, cushioned by a row of carefully arranged pillows.

The glow of the evening sun filtering in through the windows, muffled by the soft blue curtains, painted their room a warm hue.

Hikaru's shoulder was brushing against Yoshiki, a familiar reassuring pressure now. Yoshiki was careful to stay very still so that their contact wouldn't break, as they watched the movie. 

The room had gotten considerably darker by the time they finished. Hikaru was very pleased with the movie; his eyes had brimmed with tears at multiple points throughout the film, but it still managed to pull off a happy ending.

As they sat there, discussing the movie, Hikaru said, "Ya know, Yoshiki, I really love watching movies with ya." He laid his head on Yoshiki's shoulder. "And I love hearing what ya think. Ya notice things that I don't. It's like, I can experience everything in two different ways. Or something. If that makes sense."

"Yeah, I agree," Yoshiki said, softly. 

Watching movies with Hikaru had become one of Yoshiki's favourite things to do. Not just movies, but everything they did together, was somehow better because he was doing them with Hikaru. The way he had so much excitement and joy over everything was something Yoshiki admired. It rubbed off on him too. 

It was like Hikaru's mere existence augmented Yoshiki's own experiences of the world. 

"My back has started to hurt from stayin' like this," Yoshiki stated, stretching his arms above his head. He tried to switch to a more comfortable position, lowering his torso onto the bed with his head resting against the propped up pillows.

Hikaru followed suit, laying his head on Yoshiki's shoulder again, as if that was the only natural way for him to be.

Yoshiki felt himself smile.

"And I love the weekends. Yer always so relaxed when there's no uni the next day."

"That might be true," Yoshiki admitted. "As much as I like the classes, it's still a bit overwhelming. I don't think I've got the hang of uni so far. Everything's new, and I'm not sure if I'm doing it all right. If I even can..." 

Hikaru lifted his head from Yoshiki's shoulder to turn to face him, his expression serious. "Don't worry, ya can do it. You're Yoshiki! Yer the smartest and kindest person I know." 

"Ya don't know all that many people-" Yoshiki tried to point out, but Hikaru ignored him. 

"And ya can be real strong when ya put your mind to it. Ya can do this. You've only just started out, right? I'm sure it'll get better."

"Thanks." Yoshiki gave him a small smile. 

Hikaru grinned at him, and Yoshiki's heart lit up. His smile was like a ray of sunshine that made Yoshiki's insides feel all warm and fuzzy. 

Hikaru hadn't taken his eyes off him. He propped himself up on his elbow, studying Yoshiki with a far away look in his eyes.

Yoshiki found himself blushing from the attention. "Hey, why are ya starin'?"

"You've got the most beautiful soul I've ever seen... Yoshiki," Hikaru said. His voice had softened to little more than a whisper. He lowered his eyes to Yoshiki's chest, where Yoshiki imagined his soul must be burning. Something in Hikaru's expression shifted, and Yoshiki couldn't help but feel a bit exposed, vulnerable, pinned under Hikaru's gaze like this. 

"You have no idea how much I want it," Hikaru confessed. 

Yoshiki's stomach did a somersault. The hair rose at the nape of his neck. 

"It's so warm, and kind, and it makes me feel like I'll never need anything else if only I could have it."

Hikaru suddenly looked up, locking eyes with him. Yoshiki's whole body tensed up.

"It scares me sometimes. How much I want ya....To take yer soul into me..." 

Yoshiki swallowed, suddenly at a loss for words. 

"I won't do it." He added quickly, maybe realising the way he sounded might have scared Yoshiki off.

"But that doesn't change the fact that I want to. And... if I become weak and attack ya again, like before- oh, I don't even want to think about it." Hikaru sounded genuinely scared. Hikaru was never really scared of anything, except when it came to things like this. When it came to Yoshiki..."If I take in your soul-"

"Then I'd forgive you," Yoshiki found himself saying 

Hikaru's eyes widened. "Don't say that, Yoshiki-"

"Of course I would be pretty bummed out, so don't go about doing that," Yoshiki huffed out a laugh. "But i would forgive ya, i think."

Hikaru stayed silent for a bit, perhaps letting the words sink in. Then he said, "I have no doubt ya will... Cuz yer way too nice to me Yoshiki, even though I don't deserve it."

"Quit saying stuff like that," Yoshiki frowned. "Ya deserve it. Ya deserve so much. So allow me to give ya whatever i can give ya. Whatever is in my power."

Hikaru just smiled. They stayed like that for a while, with Hikaru gazing into Yoshiki's eyes, as if to convey something he couldn't articulate.

Looking builds a connection. 

Wasn't that what Hikaru had said? Yoshiki wondered if every second they looked at each other like this, the connection was growing stronger and stronger. If he was getting more and more mixed up with Hikaru.

Strangely, that thought only made him want to look longer. 

"Yoshiki," Hikaru said suddenly, the shift in his tone letting Yoshiki know that he had perked up.

"What?" Yoshiki asked, feeling jittery, for some reason.

Hikaru brought his fingers to Yoshiki's face. He tensed, not knowing what was happening. 

Hikaru's index finger came to rest on Yoshiki's skin, just below his right eye. 

"Yoshiki... I know I always tell ya you've got a pretty soul, but the rest of ya is also reeeal pretty, ya know?"

Yoshiki blushed. How Hikaru could go around saying  things like this so bluntly, with no reservations, or the unnecessary complications humans usually attached to unabashed honesty, Yoshiki didn't know. Then again, humans never admitted they wanted to devour each other's souls, either. 

Hikaru must have noticed the shade his face took on, for he chuckled. "And ya look even cuter when ya get flustered like this!"

"Hikaruu!" Yoshiki groaned, thoroughly embarassed now.

"And there's something 'bout yer moles that makes me wanna... Not wanna leave 'em alone." 

Hikaru's fingers moved over Yoshiki's face, now grazing his left cheek. 

The last time Hikaru had touched his face like this, parting his bangs- strands of Yoshiki's hair between his fingers- to get a look at his face, wearing the face of the boy he had feelings for, Yoshiki had felt like his brain shortcircuited, a mixture of something familiar and disgusting, something he didn't want to name, coiling in his gut. He had swatted away Hikaru's hand reflexively. 

This time felt different. For starters, he had stopped seeing his dead best friend when he looked at Hikaru ages back. They were entirely different people. (One was not even a "person") And the way Hikaru was looking at him now... No one had ever looked at him like this before. 

He felt like he was a precious painting someone was running their fingers over in gentle awe. And this time, he didn't want to pull away. Instead he found himself wanting to close his eyes so he could lose himself in the touch, but the expression on Hikaru's face was something he didn't want to miss out on by looking away. 

Hikaru continued his exploration, fingers careful and curious as he moved them lightly across Yoshiki's skin, from the mole on his left cheek to the one slightly below it.

Yoshiki shivered. His heartbeat had gone up a notch, and he felt goosebumps sprout across the back of his neck, and his arms. Even his legs... 

If they kept at this any longer, he thought he might combust under Hikaru's undivided attention.

When Hikaru's thumb parted his lips slightly so he could run his finger across the mole on his lower lip, Yoshiki felt like he forgot how to breathe. 

If Yoshiki reached out with his tongue a little bit, he'd be able to touch Hikaru's skin. He wondered what he'd taste like.

Hikaru removed his hand just then, only to lower it further down the skin of Yoshiki's neck, touch lingering on the moles there. Until finally it came to rest at the notch above his sternum, where the shirt he was wearing began to cover him up. 

"I wonder where else you must be having these moles..."

Yoshiki felt a wave of heat coursing through his body, coiling in his stomach pleasantly. He was sure Hikaru didn't even mean it in a suggestive way. He was just being curious. So Hikaru. As always. But even knowing that didn't ease the feeling in his stomach at all. 

"Will you show me?" Hikaru suddenly asked, grinning widely.

"No!"

"Ahh, figured," Hikaru sighed. "Ya probably think that'd be weird. But I had to ask. At least once. I don't know why, but I wish I could know everything about ya, ya know? Even the things that nobody else does. I want to know ya better than ya yerself do."

It felt like an honest confession. 

Yoshiki's mouth felt dried. 

If Yoshiki were really honest with himself, he didn't find the idea ghastly at all. If he were to bare himself and be vulnerable under Hikaru's eyes- the eyes that saw right through him to his very essence, the eyes that would show him the same adoration and reverence that he could read in them just now- he didn't find the idea scary at all. Not even a bit. 

If Hikaru ever asked again, Yoshiki didn't know what he'd say. If he'd be able to resist, or if he'd give in to Hikaru's wishes. 

Hikaru lowered his hand further, splaying his fingers on the centre of Yoshiki's chest, over his shirt.

"Yer heart's beating pretty fast." 

Yoshiki felt the tips of his ears warm with rushing blood. He couldn't think of anything to say that would make him feel less embarrassed, so he kept quiet. 

Hikaru was already staring at his chest with that piercing look again. 

"Can you feel it like that?" Yoshiki said suddenly, wanting to change the topic. "My soul." 

Hikaru hummed. "Somewhat. This body is a barrier though. On the other hand, if I do this-" he said, letting his index finger melt at the tip, as his true form came out, like a tendril.

Yoshiki held his breath, as the tendril snaked its way through the gap between two buttons and came in contact with his skin.

It felt like a lick, almost. Like a drop of cold drink spilled on his chest, except heavier.

It wasn't even that cold. But Yoshiki felt like it was sucking off his body heat. 

But it was not unpleasant at all.

"Like this..." Hikaru went on, "I can feel it better. With my insides. And if I seep in through your body like this-"

Yoshiki felt the cold sensation sink deeper into his chest. 

"Perfect...." Hikaru sighed, satisfied.

Now that Yoshiki thought about it, it had been ages since Hikaru let out his true form. Yoshiki had ...almost missed it.

As if on its own accord, his right hand came up, hovering uncertainly over Hikaru's hand where it was still pressed up against Yoshiki's body. He wanted to touch Hikaru's true form. Him.

Hikaru must have understood, for more tendrils came out from his fingers, reaching over to Yoshiki. He kept his hand very still, and watched the dark gossamer crawl over his skin, encircling him, slowly edging upwards. It reminded him of the way they had wrapped around him that one time when he was trying to pull Hikaru out from the first hole they closed. 

Hikaru's true form kept venturing up Yoshiki's arm, and he felt like he was melting under the touch.

It was leaving faint tingling pleasure in its wake.

Suddenly it halted.

Yoshiki turned his head to see why. Hikaru's eyes had widened in alarm, as if only now realising what he was doing. "I'm sorry, Yoshiki. I know ya told me not to do anything that would make ya uncomfortable, last time. Here I am doing it again-"

"It's alright," Yoshiki corrected him quickly. "I'm not uncomfortable." 

Far from it.

"Yeah?" Hikaru asked tentatively, perhaps trying to gauge the truth in Yoshiki's words. "Yer not ...grossed out?"

"Not one bit." 

His eyes widened further. This time when he spoke, Yoshiki could clearly hear the excitement that rang through his voice. "Can I touch you more then?"

Yoshiki's answer left his mouth way too quickly, without the stamp of approval of the sensible part of his brain: "Yeah."

Hikaru sat up. He took his hand off Yoshiki's chest, to hold Yoshiki's own hand, interlacing their fingers. The tendrils resumed their course up his arm. 

The more they inched towards Yoshiki's head, the calmer he felt. They reached his neck. Crept up either side of his face. 

He had never seen them lift anything before, so he was surprised when a tendril brushed his hair off his  forehead.

He almost felt like his face was being cupped by two hands. So humane a gesture, even though the reality was a far cry from it.

But despite that, Yoshiki felt himself immensely comforted. 

The tendrils roamed over his face, tracing his features. The arch of his eyebrows, his eyelashes as they fluttered close, his cheekbones, his lips....

He could understand how much Hikaru was holding back, the restraint evident in every tentative movement. Last time, Hikaru had gone into his eyes, his ears, his nostrils, his mouth-

This time, he was so so gentle, it made Yoshiki's heart ache. 

"Ya don't have to be so careful with me, ya know?" he said. "Ya can go inside me.. if ya want."

"Really?" The disbelief in Hikaru's voice was palpable. 
"Yer not scared of me? Even after the way I went on about yer soul?"

"...No." 

"Ah, Yoshiki. I guess I'm lucky your survival instincts are so poor," Hikaru said, laughing slightly.

"It's not like that," Yoshiki said indignantly. Maybe it was like that at one point. When the warning bells inside his head were drowned out by the even louder part of him that was wracked with desperation, with grief, with yearning. And he was lucky he didn't end up getting killed in that process, for Hikaru really had been dangerous. 

He still was, but they had both evolved. Their relationship had evolved past all that. Slowly and steadily, into something that was so precious to him. Something that no longer scared him off, but that which he embraced fully. 

"We're scared of things we don't understand... " Yoshiki began. "I might not understand ya in every way, even now, but... I do understand you in the ways that matter. And ya don't have to feel like ya have to hide this part of ya. Not with me. Not ever. " Yoshiki said, looking deep into Hikaru's eyes, making sure the other boy understood. 

He saw that Hikaru's eyes had gotten shiny, and for a second, Yoshiki panicked, thinking he had made Hikaru cry. But then he blinked them off. 

"Okay." He said quietly. "Ya really are so nice."

I'm not doing this because I'm nice. 

But Hikaru's expression had shifted. The intensity in his eyes sharpened. He rearranged himself so that he was straddling Yoshiki's hips, the position somewhat lewd, but Yoshiki knew that was the last thing on Hikaru's mind.

For he was gazing at Yoshiki with that look he caught sometimes; one he could only describe as  unfiltered hunger.

A shiver ran down his spine- an instinct, despite knowing in his heart that Hikaru wouldn't hurt him. 

There was a rotating chair he had in his study long back. Whenever he sat on it and leaned back, it would give way a little, swaying backward- and his heart would leap slightly, under the impression that he was gonna fall. But he wouldn't. The chair was just built like that. Yet, every time he leaned back on it, the same thing would repeat, and his heart never got used to it, despite knowing that he wouldn't fall. 

He thought this was kind of like that. His instincts wouldn't stop sending just a little bit of adrenaline shooting up through his system, every time Hikaru looked at him like this, the crimson glow in his eyes faint yet unmistakable. Even if just for a few seconds.

Hikaru's hands went to either side of his torso, gripping him tightly. He should feel trapped, perhaps. But he didn't. Or maybe he did and liked it. He truly didn't know at this point. His desires were running wild and he couldn't decipher them, sort them into their components. Understand what he was feeling, or why he was feeling them. Only that he wanted this.

Hikaru's insides started leaking out from the slit in his neck. The line had faded almost completely, but now it reopened to let him out.

It came towards Yoshiki, slowly. His breath caught in his chest.

Kamisama.

The word surfaced to his mind automatically.

Hikaru's insides- Hikaru- was beautiful. It was inky black, but if you looked carefully, it was also made up of so many different colours. Suddenly Yoshiki was a kid again, learning for the first time that white light was made up of every colour known to man, splitting it into a pretty rainbow in science class with a prism, mouth agape in fascination.

The same fascination made his mouth open on its own accord, now. Except in this case, Hikaru was more like a black hole spitting up the colours it had swallowed. No longer shrouded with fear or shame, he could see Hikaru now as he was: and he was beautiful. The kaleidoscope of faint unrecognisable patterns weaved into him had Yoshiki hypnotized. They were the ripples of water when you dropped a stone in a still pond, and like the waves crashing and foaming in the stormy sea.. Orderly and chaotic at the same time. It was ethereal. It was beyond his comprehension. No wonder they mistook him for a god. In the face of such unearthly beauty, mortal terror was the only natural response. And thus was born Nonuki-sama.

The thing in front of him was no god. But whatever otherworldly and powerful thing it was, it was ... Yoshiki's. In a sense. Hikaru said he didn't deserve Yoshiki's kindness. But did Yoshiki deserve to be held with so much love by these wisps of something divine?

Yoshiki parted his lips, letting a tenuous strand slip in. It swept over his tongue, exploring the insides of his mouth. 

"Hey," Yoshiki said, "Don't forget I have to breathe, so make sure ya leave some space for that, yeah?"

"Got it," Hikaru smiled. 

The tendrils were now entering his ears, and his nose. The one in his mouth kept going further down. For a moment, Yoshiki felt like gagging, but then the sensation passed. It delved deeper and deeper, and Yoshiki couldn't keep track of it anymore. So he just gave in to the feeling. 

This feels good.

He tried to imagine what was happening inside him. He pictured Hikaru creeping in between his cells. Stroking his brain. He pictured his neurons firing wildly. Neurotransmitters flowing in a frenzy.

He felt euphoric. He had no other way to describe it. Faintly he wondered if this was what being high felt like. He had no experience to compare. His vocabulary felt insufficient in the face of something that transcended all human logic and senses. So he just let go. 

He felt the edges of his vision go black. He clutched at the fabric of Hikaru's shorts for something physical to ground himself to reality. 

"Yoshiki..." Hikaru breathed. There was something in the way he uttered his name that made Yoshiki's heart skip a beat. "You feel so warm... So good..."

Hikaru was doing something inside him that was making the dizziness in his head amplify. Yoshiki let out a sound somewhere between a hum and a moan. He had never made a sound like that before in his life, but he was too far gone to feel any real embarrassment from it. 

So good.

So good.

So good.

...

Suddenly he was overcome by the desire to make Hikaru feel like this. Being inside Yoshiki surely felt good to Hikaru but he wanted Hikaru the way he was that day back in the gym. He wanted him to share the same ecstasy that Yoshiki was feeling. 

Yoshiki clutched the front of Hikaru's t-shirt.

He must have thought Yoshiki was reaching out to him because he felt suffocated, for his tendrils stopped moving, thinning out in his mouth. 

"Yoshiki? Is it too much? Should I stop?" 

"It's not that... Can I..." Yoshiki felt himself blush, but managed to get the words out: "Can I put my hand in you?"

The happiness on Hikaru's face was unmistakable. "Really? Are you sure you want to do that?" 

Yoshiki nodded. With courage he didn't know he had, he lifted up Hikaru's t-shirt, trying to quickly rid him of it.  

He realised Hikaru's form was still connected to his neck, and he halted, not knowing how the t-shirt would come off now. But Hikaru took over from there, grabbing the hem and lifting it off his body, his insides cutting through the fabric smoothly, a faint ripp echoing through the silence.

Yoshiki froze, mind trying to wrap around what just happened.

"Sorry." Hikaru said sheepishly. "I didn't want to come out of ya just yet, so I just.... But don't worry, it was an old t-shirt anyway."

Yoshiki looked at him incredulously, then found himself laughing. It was kinda cute, actually, that Hikaru didn't mind tearing up his shirt like that for him.

A thought suddenly occurred to him. The fact that Hikaru could cut through matter like that, almost like a blade... Despite having the capability to be so lethal, Hikaru was ever so gentle with Yoshiki. It made his heart swell. Knowing he was so loved by this creature that was supposed to be dangerous. Vicious. But not with Yoshiki. With Yoshiki, Hikaru was tender in a way he doubted even humans could be...

He watched in anticipation as the slit opened up on Hikaru's torso, skin splitting bloodlessly, revealing not gory human insides but a depthless black void. 

Yoshiki felt the hair rise on his neck again. 

Without sparing time to overthink, he inserted his right hand into it, watching his fingers slowly get enveloped by the blackness.

The familiar feel of marinated chicken surrounded him. 

"Hikaru," Yoshiki suddenly remembered to ask. "Maybe don't..go too deep in me for now ..okay? I want to focus on this." 

Hikaru complied. Yoshiki who had been feeling like he was on the verge of blacking out, suddenly felt that overwhelming feeling recede like a wave leaving the shore.

He could now concentrate on the feel of Hikaru's insides, around his fingers. The way it never stayed still, but kept moving. Wrapping around him gently like something alive and electric. Blindly, he felt around. He wanted to find that spot again, the one that had made Hikaru a breathy mess that first time he touched him. 

He watched Hikaru's expressions closely. His cheeks were flushed red, eyes half lidded. Yoshiki found himself wondering what this felt like to Hikaru. All he knew was that Hikaru craved for souls. For something warm and alive. Perhaps it was arrogant of Yoshiki, to pretend to understand the feelings and instincts of a being so starkly different from humans, a lost child from a realm unknown, but Yoshiki couldn't help wanting to sate him. 

Let me be the one to sate you.

Maybe Hikaru couldn't have his soul. But Yoshiki hoped he could love him enough to make up for it. 

He felt around in the depth of Hikaru's insides. He had no idea what it was he was touching, his human brain couldn't come up with an adequate imagery.

It felt solid one moment, only to languidly morph into something entirely different. It was cold. But not ice cold. It squeezed his fingers, and tried to pull him in, but not strong enough to have to resist.

"Haa" Hikaru breathed. His shoulders slumped forward. Yoshiki tried to chase that spot, that had him like this. But it had escaped his fingers, shifting into something else before he could get his bearings.

Nevertheless, Yoshiki now had Hikaru curled over his body, his face buried in the crook of Yoshiki's neck.

Yoshiki was sharply aware of the feel of Hikaru's mouth pressed against his neck. He could feel Hikaru's breath, warm and heavy against his skin. His lips were so soft.

Strange. Despite all the things that were happening around Yoshiki now, the sensation of Hikaru's lips against his bare skin was a feeling he found himself fixating on.

"Yoshiki..."

There it was again. His name on Hikaru's lips, uttered like a hymn, a prayer, as if he was the god that had descended from the mountains to bring Hikaru to salvation. As if he was something to be worshipped, to be revered.

He loved that. He loved the way his name sounded in Hikaru's mouth. He loved everything about this. Hikaru filling him up, mapping out Yoshiki's anatomy from the inside, caressing his brain, enveloping every cell of his being. Hikaru at his finger tips, moving, flowing, holding him and pulling him in. Hikaru, the only thought in his head. 

Hikaru.

Hikaru.

Hikaru...

Hikaru began moving inside him again. Yoshiki started to feel himself go numb, unable to focus on anything. He kept moving the arm that was inside Hikaru blindly, even as his eyes started to roll back in his head. The pleasure returned at full force, catching Yoshiki off guard. 

Hikaru's hands reached inside Yoshiki's shirt.

In the back of his mind, he was aware of the sensation of his shirt riding up, fingers grazing his torso, sending a searing warmth through the skin. A panicky voice rose and fell in his head, at the very humane touch. Because while he was like this- being consumed from the inside out- he couldn't bring himself to really care.

The fingers halted, resting on either side of his midriff, and then the feeling of the fingers gave way, as Hikaru's insides emerged like flowing water, spreading across the middle of his chest like a wet blanket, wrapping around him gently.

My soul...? Yoshiki wondered vaguely. 

An image popped up into his head, of Hikaru's true form hugging his soul. He didn't know why, but he found that to be deeply comforting.

He was in good hands, right?

He was wrapped in love all around, wasn't he?

Yoshiki began to lose sense of his body. He felt like his mind was floating around, untethered. Time seemed to stand still. 

His only coherent thought was: Hikaru.

...

When Yoshiki's consciousness came back into focus, Hikaru had already started pulling out from Yoshiki's body, as slowly as he had come in.

Yoshiki immediately missed the feeling. 

Can't we stay like this?

If they mixed like this, would they become inseparable? One and the same? 

As enticing as that notion sounded in the moment, as soon as he opened his eyes, the feeling passed. For familiar slate grey eyes were staring at him, beckoning him back to reality, to a life to be spent with each other.

"Hikaru..." Yoshiki's voice was hoarse. 

Hikaru sat back upright again. The last of the tendrils seeped back into Hikaru's neck, tucking themselves in tightly, the slit sealing shut again, the faint line remaining as the only proof of something non-humane.

Yoshiki took out his hand from Hikaru's chest. He knew what to expect by now, but he was still surprised that nothing otherworldly had stuck onto his skin, although the sensation remained, like a phantom touch.

"Oh, look. There's a mole here." Hikaru's voice drew Yoshiki back to reality. He followed the other boy's gaze, to his stomach, where his shirt had ridden up exposing it, Hikaru's hands still resting on either side of his body.

"I found one, even though ya said ya wouldn't show me," Hikaru chuckled, sounding distinctly proud. His expression turned serious, as he kept his thumb lightly over the mole, just to the left of his belly button. He swept his finger over it softly.

Yoshiki trembled from the strange intimacy of it. He got that feeling again, like his heart was melting.

He felt shy all of a sudden. Had he really let Hikaru touch him like this? Seep into his body? Coat the shape of him from the inside? Touch his soul? 

Then Hikaru spoke, his voice calm. "That felt really nice... That's the closest I've ever been to yer soul. I felt so warm. So happy... Was it good for ya too, Yoshiki? Did I make ya feel good?" Yoshiki didn't miss the tinge of anxiousness in that question.

"Yeah. It was good," he replied. It was the simple truth.

"Ahhh, I'm happy to hear that." 

Hikaru leaned forward so that he could sift his fingers through Yoshiki's hair, finger nails scraping lightly against his temple, to finally rest his palm against Yoshiki's cheek. Hikaru gazed into his eyes, with a tender smile. "My Yoshiki..."

And Yoshiki believed him. That he was Hikaru's. Through and through. He'd do anything for this divinity seated atop him, holding his face with love in every touch. 

His heart welled up with emotion.

"C'mere." Yoshiki pulled Hikaru down to him, and he immediately obliged, finally getting off Yoshiki and settling to his side in a more comfortable position, curled up into a ball. Yoshiki turned to his side too, so he could see Hikaru better. The other boy tucked his face into the hollow of Yoshiki's neck, an arm wrapping tentatively around his waist, snaking a leg between Yoshiki's own, so that their legs lay tangled up together.

Yoshiki sighed contentedly, bringing his arm to hold Hikaru close, resting his chin on the soft hair at the top of the his head. 

As he wrapped his arm around Hikaru, his eyes fell on the garish marks adorning his arm. Kurebayashi san's old warning echoed in his head, suddenly.

Is this fucked up?

To an onlooker, it might seem so...

But Yoshiki found himself not caring about it.

At the end of the day, if he could have Hikaru like this, did anything else really matter?

What could possibly be wrong with a life lived like this? With the person he loved, someone who wanted him and needed him in equal measure, who chose him over and over again, who saw him fully, the good as well as the ugly parts and never looked away. Someone he loved with his entire heart and soul, and someone who -despite having neither of those things- loved him just the same...

What about any of that was wrong?

When he was with Hikaru, his worries always sort of ebbed away. They were in a bubble of their own, everyone else just background static to tune out. 

He was ...happy.

Yoshiki buried the hand with the markings into Hikaru's hair, gently tracing his scalp with his fingers. He heard Hikaru let out a happy sigh. 

He brought his hand lower down to the nape of his neck. The hair here was impossibly soft, like cotton spools. Yoshiki couldn't help but experimentally move his fingers over the skin, making Hikaru squirm.

"Yoshikiii, that tickles," he whined.

Yoshiki smiled, a teasing tone slipping into his voice as he said, "Really? " He tickled him more enthusiastically. "Can't ya turn off yer sensations there or something?"

"It doesn't work like tha-" Hikaru squirmed some more under Yoshiki's mellow torture, and Yoshiki let out a laugh, finally stilling his fingers. 

He brought the hand back up, to massage Hikaru's scalp softly.

They stayed like that, their breaths the only sounds filling the silence.

...

"It's the weekend. What do ya wanna do?" Yoshiki inquired.

"Oh, I've already got a list of places I wanna go tomorrow."

"A list?? We can go to a couple of 'em maybe, or it'll be very tiring "

"Now look who's sounding like an old man," Hikaru laughed.

"Hey, ya don't have the right to criticize cuz ya don't get tired like normal people do."

"Okay okay. Three places then."

"Fine" Yoshiki relented.

"Don't worry, I'll give some of my energy to ya," Hikaru said matter-of-factly, as if it was something tangible to be transferred like that

Yoshiki smiled. 

That you always do.

After a moment's thought, he added quietly, "Hikaru... thank you for coming to Tokyo for me."

"Of course," Hikaru hummed. "But saying I did it for ya might not be entirely correct. It's for me too, ya know? Being with ya is what makes me happy."

When Yoshiki felt tears prick the back of his eyes, he shut them tightly. He was in a weirdly emotional headspace right now, and he really ought to change the topic, if he didn't want to cry. But Yoshiki had to say one last thing.

"I ...love ya"

Hikaru beamed, drawing back his head to look at Yoshiki. "Ya don't say that often."

Yoshiki realised that was true, and he felt a stab of guilt. Especially since he was overflowing with his love for Hikaru anyway, why was it hard for him to express it?

"I'm sorry."

"Don't be. I know ya love me. It's just nice to hear ya say it, is all" Hikaru tucked himself back into the crook of Yoshiki's neck.

"I love ya too. So so much, " Hikaru said without looking up. Yoshiki's heart almost physically hurt at this point. He tightened his grip on Hikaru, pushing the boy further into him. (It was a good thing that Hikaru didn't have to breathe. He doubted this was a comfortable position to anyone else.) 

In that moment, he was sure. This was how he wanted to live. With Hikaru by his side. Always. 

He'd stay with Yoshiki, right? He was not going away. They could be together like this. And now, Yoshiki had changed enough that he could trust himself not to run. To choose this life. And keep choosing it every day.

The knowledge eased him, and he loosened his grip on Hikaru. 

"Oh, by the way, Yoshiki," Hikaru said. "Yer bangs have started to grow out, haven't they?"

"Yeah. It's time to cut them again." 

Yoshiki closed his eyes, letting sleep take over.