Chapter Text
LOVESICK
“Lovelorn and nobody knows
Love thorns all over this rose
I'll pay the price, you won't”
In the confines of her bathroom, Taggie’s hands begin to shake as she stares down at the porcelain sink. It’s been a whirlwind of a day and her head is spinning out of control.
There have been crisis meetings in her home all day, Rupert managed to retain his seat as their local MP, and Taggie had been forced to confront a growing fear that she’s been ignoring for some time.
“You’re gonna make an incredible mother one day. I wish…”
That’s what he’d said in the car, when everything felt so heavy and unspoken.
Her mind drifts back to that fateful night in her kitchen, when their kiss had escalated. The rucked-up skirts of her dress and his unzipped trousers.
He’d laid kisses on that skin that whispered forever, and she’d been reminded of her dream in the meadow.
But forever was exceptionally short, for the next day he was gone without a word, and she was left more confused than ever. Especially when rumours began circling that he’d absconded with Cameron. Those who knew Rupert best didn’t realise how their jokes about his sexual escapades with the executive producer of Venturer stabbed at her.
Foolishly, she thought something terrible had happened to him, not that he’d decided to become some knight in shining armour for another woman. It was the right thing to do, but it hurt her in the process. How lucky was she that she’d apparently made him a better man for someone else?
She felt the ache of it deep in her bones. It was hard to comprehend the loss when she’d barely had him to begin with. Just one night’s memories to sustain her.
Until Caitlin started gossiping about one of the girls in her class being pregnant, and Taggie realised that she hadn’t had her period in a long time.
Her cycle wasn’t the most regular, but she still would’ve expected to have bled by now.
This leads her to being locked in the bathroom, unable to look at the results of the pregnancy test.
Taggie feels like she might actually faint. She’s definitely panicking.
She’s only twenty years old, the man she loves is with another woman, and she might be pregnant with his baby. He just publicly kissed Cameron on live television after thanking his constituents, after being mercilessly slaughtered the night before.
They definitely don’t need this mess. Taggie doesn’t want to be the other woman.
Oh god, they’ll call her a slut, and it’ll further prove what Beattie said about Rupert.
She never thought there would be a moment in her life where she was wishing for a negative test, but as she looks down at the test and realises it’s positive, it occurs to Taggie that it might be the first test she’s ever passed.
“This isn’t happening. You aren’t that stupid,” she whispers harshly to herself, willing the results to change.
Being a mother is something she’s always wanted. Running the O’Hara household and picking up after everyone has certainly trained her for it, and it’s not hard to imagine her own children when looking after Tabitha and Marcus. But she’d always imagine she’d be married, loved, safe.
For all their faults, at least her parents love each other - even if they sometimes have a particularly volatile way of showing it.
Her father might finally murder Rupert this time.
How can she tell him? How can she tell anyone?
Her eyes sting with unshed tears as she crumples to the floor and hugs her stomach. She stays that way for too long, until exhaustion lures her to bed. Only her mind never stops firing, and sleep feels impossible.
The next morning, she feels horrendous, almost delirious from lack of sleep, as she stumbles into the kitchen to start making breakfast. There’s no rest for the wicked, not with the hunger of the O’Hara’s being enough to rival a fully grown elephant. Especially when Patrick asks if she’s cooking bacon as well as sausages.
If she can just make it through the morning pretending everything is fine, then she can go and visit Lizzie.
Somewhere between the hours of 3 am and 4 am, Taggie realised there’s only one person she can confide in. Talking about it with Caitlin or Patrick would make it too real, too close to home, and she’s not ready for that yet. But she knows that she can talk to Lizzie. For a long time, Lizzie was the only person who knew the details of her night with Rupert.
Once again, she watches as Rupert suffers a blow by stepping down as MP, and there’s something in her father’s eyes that shows he’s made his decision.
The moment the press conference ends, Taggie is on her feet and rushing out of the house.
“Tag!” she hears her name being called by Patrick, but she pays it no mind. She doesn’t hear anything beyond the buzz in her ears as she hastens towards Lizzie’s home.
Ordinarily, she would take in the scenery, still enchanted by how beautiful the Cotswolds are. But her mind is too manic for her to focus on anything but getting to Lizzie.
Taggie?” Lizzie says her name in a questioning manner when Taggie arrives on the drive and realises she’s outside with the children. Her eyes dart to the two little Vereker children, and her insides tighten. “Are you okay? You look a little green around the gills. Did you see Rupert’s press conference?”
She nods her head hesitantly.
“I-” the words dry up in her mouth.
Sensing her distress, Lizzie motions towards the house.
“Come and have a cup of tea,” she says, her tone full of warmth.
There are times when Taggie almost wishes Lizzie were her mother, she’s so understanding and kind-hearted. All Maud O’Hara has ever given her is resentment and chores.
Lizzie quickly brews the tea, while Taggie sits down and tries to level out her breathing.
“Thank you,” Taggie murmurs, almost stammering out her words as her hands cradle the faded china. They’re well-made, but well used, not polished to perfection like most of the upper crust of the Cotswolds.
“You should know by now that you can tell me anything,” Lizzie says, taking the seat opposite and placing a tray of Family Circle biscuits on the table.
Taggie smiles more genuinely at that. “I know. I wouldn’t be here otherwise.”
She watches as Lizzie’s brows draw in, as she hunches forward in her seat to narrow the gap between them. “Then whatever it is, you can tell me.”
Taking another deep breath, she blurts out, “I’m pregnant,”
“Oh.” Lizzie seems unable to hide the shock on her face. Taggie doesn’t begrudge her for that.
“Everything is so complicated,” she groans, putting her head into her hands.
Lizzie nods, but reaches to pull the hands from her face and grip them tightly between her own.
“In my experience, things only become more complicated the more you hide them.” Then more delicately. “Do you want to have a baby?”
“I do,” Taggie responds confidently. It’s the only thing she knows. “I just don’t know how to tell him. I can’t not tell him, he’ll know it’s his.” It’s not as if Taggie has been entertaining many suitors, her one passing interest had parted ways with nothing more than a letter, not that she was particularly cut up about it.
“He’s had to step down as MP, and daddy is probably going to ask him to leave Venturer. He doesn’t need me being pregnant on top of all that, not when he’s publicly claimed Cameron as his girlfriend and Beattie mentioned me in the episode.”
She could imagine the Scorpion headlines already. Or Uncensored will do a follow-up episode for Rupert on the scandalous daughter of Declan O’Hara.
“And what about what you need?” Lizzie asks, jolting her from her thoughts. “You’re so wonderfully thoughtful and considerate of others, but you’re also allowed to think about yourself. To want things for yourself,” Lizzie’s hand squeezes her own, which Taggie tries to seek comfort in. “I’m not saying this is going to be easy, and God knows Rupert is a complicated man. But I think you owe it to yourself to be honest and to face the consequences head-on. If you want to have this baby, you need to stand up for yourself.” Lizzie is right, of course. “You don’t need to make any decisions today, just don’t wait too long. You’ll drive yourself mad, and you’ll only hurt your heart.”
Overwhelmed by everything, Taggie’s eyes begin to stream. She’s exhausted and feels hollowed out from everything that’s happened.
“You were right, there are less complicated men to fall in love with,” she laments, unable to stop the tears from flowing down her cheeks. “Sometimes I wish I didn’t feel this way. It’s hard enough loving him, but loving him in secret is even harder.” A ghost of something Taggie can’t discern passes over Lizzie’s features.
Taggie eventually leaves and heads back home. She has to prep everything for a luncheon Monica Baddingham is hosting. The Strattons may be terrified of Tony discovering that she catered their dinner party, but Monica doesn’t share that fear.
It’s not as though Taggie can turn it down either, her father doesn’t have a steady income right now, and so it’s left to her to carry the weight of all the bills and expenses. The only mercy is that her mother isn’t pinching notes to go and buy herself pretty frocks.
Conversations from the makeshift Venturer office leak into the kitchen. They’re still animated about Rupert’s removal, and she can even hear Cameron commanding attention.
Unable to stop her thoughts from drifting to him, she wonders if Rupert is all alone in his house, left to lick his wounds after being knocked down by everyone.
“You’re acting weird,” Caitlin says while sucking on the end of a sherbert fountain. She leans against the counter, head cocked to the side as she narrows her gaze on Taggie.
There’s comfort in cooking, a familiarity that allows her to escape into her thoughts, except when she’s accidentally tipping a whole jar of salt into a casserole and needing to be rescued by Rupert.
“I’m making coconut macaroons,” Taggie responds dryly, unable to hold up the conversation.
“Fine,” her pink-haired sister responds, releasing the liquorice fountain with a pop. “Keep your secrets. But you’ve still been acting weird all day.”
“I have a lot on my mind.”
Caitlin grabs her Discman off the dining table and pulls on her headphones, clearly giving up on the conversation in favour of listening to the CD Archie Baddingham made for her.
Later that night, when the Venturer staff have dispersed, and the house is lulled to a quiet hum, Taggie finds herself staring at the beautiful egg Rupert had gifted her.
It’s still the most beautiful thing she’s ever been given, and she’d gotten some curious stares from Caitlin when it had been spotted on her dresser. There seemed to be some significance that had gone straight over her head - it wouldn’t be the first time, and she doubts it’ll be the last.
The lights of Penscombe across the valley taunt her, calling her home the same way a lighthouse guides a ship. Or she’s a moth begging to be burned by a bright and beautiful flame.
Taggie inhales deeply and drifts a hand down to rest against her flat belly. She still can’t believe a baby is growing there. Will they be confident and forthright like Tabitha? Perhaps, they’ll be quiet and discerning like Marcus? Or something else entirely? Something that is half Rupert and half her.
Letting out a sound somewhere between a laugh and a cry, she realises in that moment just how much she wants his baby.
She just has to figure out how to tell him that.
After another fitful night's sleep, Taggie decides to get Gertrude’s walk in early. She leaves the house just after dawn, the air fresh and cool against her skin.
The wood has become a place of refuge for her, away from the chaos of the house, especially with how busy it’s been lately.
Most of the time, Taggie feels like she can barely keep up, especially when documents are flying around with the tiniest writing. They may as well be all written in Latin.
“Looks like you had the same idea,” she hears a voice call, and her heart stutters.
Gertrude begins to yip as she’s met by Rupert’s army of dogs.
“It’s peaceful,” Taggie sighs, trying to act as naturally as possible. “Or it was,” she mutters with a smile, eyes darting to where the dogs are enthusiastically bounding around, letting out excited yips.
Only when Rupert is almost in front of her does she finally look at him. She takes in the soft waves of his hair and the shadows around his eyes. When did those eyes start to feel like home? She can’t really remember. There’d been a time when she thought he was vile.
“How have you been?”
“Practically gelded,” Rupert huffs. “Though I won’t be down for long.”
Taggie softly smiles. “No, I expect you won’t be.”
“You look tired, angel.”
It takes every bit of strength she has not to crumple right then and there.
“So do you,” she fires back, desperate to direct the attention away from herself.
“Well, yes, but there’s a glaringly obvious explanation why. What’s not obvious is why you look so tired. Have Venturer HQ been running you ragged?” There’s something of a jest in his tone, but she can tell it’s soured by the last few days.
Offering a non-commital shrug, she begins to play with the cuffs of her jacket.
“Just been busy, that’s all. I’m catering Lady Baddingham’s luncheon later.”
Rupert's brows raise. “Does Tony know you’re infiltrating his household?”
“I doubt he cares. I’m just there to cook the food, and it’s a ladies' luncheon. They definitely don’t think I’m smart enough to be a spy.”
There’s a smirk which tugs at the corners of his lips. “You’d make a disarming spy.”
Talking with him feels so natural, even with the weight of the world resting on her shoulders. She doesn’t want the spell to end, doesn’t want to ruin any moments of harmony that they have together.
It’s cruel for her to only have a taste of what it would be like to be his. That day with his children was so wonderful, and if she closed her eyes for a moment, she could imagine being a family.
Tabitha had wanted her to be one of her adults, and it had been the most heartwarming thing.
“Well, I suppose if the cooking thing doesn’t work out,” she jokes. “I’d better be going, they’ll want their breakfast soon.”
“That house would fall apart without you,” Rupert says, and then gives her a more serious look. “Make sure you find some time to rest, you really do look tired.
“You’re going to give me a complex,” Taggie rushes out, cheeks warming in embarrassment.
“You’re still as beautiful as ever.” There’s a sigh in his voice, and once again, just like in the car, it looks like he wants to say more. But the word clearly died in his throat. “I’ll see you around, Tag.”
Watching him turn and walk away, Taggie feels an overwhelming urge to cry. “Gertrude!” she calls, willing her voice not to crack as she twists around and stalks back towards The Priory.
The building comes back into her line of sight all too quickly, even though she doesn’t feel ready to face the day yet. She knows she was a coward for not telling him then. It would’ve been an easy place to unburden herself, and yet she couldn’t bring herself to do it. There are too few quiet moments between them, and she hadn’t wanted to ruin that one by tipping his world upside down again. He’s had enough shocking news for one week, so she’s resigned to hold off for a little while, at least until the dust has settled.
Even if there’s a little voice inside her head whispering that he deserves to know, that she isn’t right to keep him in the dark.
Taggie reasons that it won’t be for long, just until she can wrap her head around what’s happened.
Reaching the back door, she’s about to enter the house when the door swings open and Caitlin grabs her by the arm to pull her away from the house and back towards the woods. Her sister is still in her dressing gown, hair wild and not yet brushed.
“I went into your bathroom and saw the test in the bin,” Caitlin whispers, her tone heavy with shock. “You’re pregnant.”
Taggie opens her mouth to object, but falls silent. There’s no point in denying it now, her sister was bound to find out sooner rather than later. She’s too nosy for her own good.
“Whose baby is it? Is it Sebs? Wait, is it Rupert’s?!” Caitlin’s voice goes an octave higher, and Taggie has to whip her head around to make sure no one heard. But thankfully, it’s the two of them. She doesn’t want her brother or father to overhear this conversation.
“I never slept with Seb,” Taggie mumbles, as she shakily tucks a piece of hair behind her ear.
It’s almost laughable how unfortunate her sexual history is. The first time had been with Ralphie, and he’d forgotten her the moment it happened. He’d shown up with a girlfriend to the New Year's Eve party, proving that he hadn’t wasted a second thought on her. Then the second time had been with Rupert, who had made her see stars, and she thought it would’ve been more memorable. That’s what you expect when a man tells you that he can’t breathe without you. And yet he’d disappeared and also reappeared with a girlfriend.
“When did you have sex with Rupert? You told me you kissed…on the mouth,” Caitlin accuses, and Taggie gets the sense that she feels betrayed by not having known this key information.
“We didn’t just kiss,” Taggie admits, cringing under her little sister’s gaze. She then admits the whole truth of what happened in the kitchen after Venturer won the right to compete for the franchise bid.
Caitlin’s eyes go as wide as saucers. “Holy shit! You’re having Rupert Campbell-Black’s baby? Daddy is going to kill him.”