Chapter Text
The first thing Gon felt upon waking was a familiar, pleasant scent – the very one he'd been following for years like a bloodhound. His heart pounded loudly in his chest. Opening his eyes, Gon exhaled silently: Killua. It was Killua.
Not the teenager Gon had last seen him as, but an adult. Killua would turn twenty-two this July. His fluffy hair was a little longer than before, and his face had lost its childish roundness; he no longer looked cute, but dangerous. Even in a peaceful pose – sleeping on his side, relaxed, breathing steadily – Gon propped himself up on the bed and cautiously edged a little closer to Killua.
He was unbelievably happy to finally see him, but this had to be just a dream. The real Killua would never let him get this close; he wouldn't even be here. So now, Gon didn't want to wake up. He'd do anything to stay in this beautiful illusion. Longing, joy, and desire wove together into a chaotic mix of emotions, and Gon had no desire to sort through them. He'd never analyzed his feelings; he simply lived them, and this was no different.
Freecss froze, greedily studying his friend… or maybe former friend, though Gon stubbornly refused to believe that. Long eyelashes, black – why, if Killua's hair was white? – a proudly upturned nose, slightly parted pale pink lips. Those lips drew his gaze with incredible force, stirring a persistent, aching want low in his belly.
This was just a dream. Besides, Killua himself had often called Gon selfish. So he could allow himself one selfish act. Killua's eyelashes fluttered, and without hesitating, Gon leaned in and kissed him. Right then, the Zoldyck opened his eyes.
Gon pinned him down. Running his tongue along Killua's lower lip, drawing a soft moan from him, Gon clearly understood that this was all he'd ever needed. Killua, his breath uneven, bright sparks of excitement in his eyes, letting Gon do whatever he wanted with him. And Gon had never possessed an ounce of sanity or reason.
Gon slid his hand under Killua's t-shirt and felt him tremble at the touch of bare skin. Intoxicated by such an obvious reaction, Gon deepened the kiss insistently. Wet, hot, mind-blowing – his head emptied, leaving only pure pleasure.
Suddenly, awareness flashed in the Zoldyck's eyes, followed by fear. He dug his fingers into Gon's throat and shoved him away. Feeling that firm grip and the tips of claws piercing his skin, drawing blood, Gon realized he was done for. This wasn't a dream.
Killua's anger flooded the air like a burst of his Nen. He flipped them over and slammed Gon into the mattress.
"What the fuck?!" the Zoldyck snarled.
"Sorry! I, I didn't mean to," Gon rushed out in excuse. Oh, such a lie… Especially since Killua's strong fingers on his neck hadn't cooled his arousal in the slightest. But if Killua found out, things would get worse. "I thought it was just a dream!"
"What kind of dream?!" Killua only got angrier. "So it's okay in a dream?! Am I some kind of toy or a heating pad for you?!"
"No! No!" Freecss was horrified. Is that how it seemed to his friend? "Never! Killua, please…"
"How did you get into the Zoldyck estate?" Killua cut him off.
"What? Where?"
Gon finally thought to look around. Until now, his whole world had shrunk to a single person, and he hadn't cared about anything else. That was a mistake. If he'd done this first, maybe everything would have been fine.
A bright room in shades of blue, a massive bed with a blue canopy, an ornate wardrobe… He couldn't see much from his position, but Freecss could tell this wasn't the hotel room where he'd fallen asleep.
"My family's estate, idiot," Killua narrowed his eyes. His fingers squeezed Gon's neck harder, but his claws retracted to normal size – otherwise, he would have simply torn out Gon's throat.
"If I'd known you were here, I would have broken in directly," Gon stated firmly, looking fearlessly at Killua.
The Zoldyck froze. In Freecss's eyes shone determination; his inhuman stubbornness had been a headache for Killua for a long time, and now Killua finally understood the situation he was in.
To put it figuratively, he'd let the fox guard the henhouse.
Right now, in the midst of venting his anger, he was holding Gon close – the very Gon he'd been running from like the plague for years. But he was too furious to just let him go. He was tired of running, tired of hiding, angry that Gon was too stubborn to just leave him alone.
Killua didn't need any conversations, any heart-to-hearts. Although maybe that would be easier – maybe Gon would finally back off. But Killua was a coward. He really didn't want Gon to voice his deepest fears right to his face.
Most likely, Gon saw him as just an interesting target, the same way he'd seen his father. Gon just needed to win this hunt, catch his prey. Killua had put up with a lot from him, but this would be too much.
Gon's gaze shifted slightly, and Killua blinked, surfacing from the endless stream of thoughts.
"Where are you staring?" the Zoldyck snapped at the uninvited guest.
"Your shirt rode up."
Killua froze.
"What?"
"Oops, I think I did that when I…" Gon stopped talking, still staring. Killua's shorts had slid down a little, and the bunched-up t-shirt revealed the lower half of his abs. Gon felt like a dog drooling over a fresh piece of meat; the memory of how incredible it felt to touch Killua's bare skin was keeping him from reacting to the situation even remotely adequately.
And Killua seemed to realize this. He blushed, quickly fixed his clothes with his free hand, and hissed furiously, leaning closer to Gon:
"Remind me, how long can you go without oxygen?"
"Fifteen minutes, maybe more," Gon exhaled, staring into eyes dark with anger. So close…
The grip on his neck tightened, finally cutting off his air. There'd be bruises, and Gon had probably never been so happy about that. Too bad they'd fade quickly.
Damn. One encounter with the adult Killua had turned him into a complete pervert.
"So, fifteen minutes," Killua said coldly, clearly intending to test his limits and vent his anger.
Gon wondered if he should admit that, in a completely different sense, under these conditions, he wouldn't last that long – but it wasn't necessary.
"If you don't want him to come right now, loosen your grip."
Killua whipped his head toward the window. It was open, and on the windowsill sat Illumi, staring at Freecss with a bored, disappointed expression.
Gon glared back at Illumi with hatred. Couldn't he have kept quiet?! Better yet, kept his mouth shut entirely! Like watching – fine, watch, but don't interfere!
"What?" Killua asked dully.
"No, if that's your goal, then continue. But if this is just foreplay, loosen your grip," Illumi explained expressionlessly.
Killua recoiled, releasing Freecss and scrambling to the free side of the bed. Damn!
"That's not what you think!" the younger Zoldyck blurted. He wanted to slap himself for such a cliché, but nothing better came to mind.
"I admit, I'm not an expert on all sexual practices," Illumi tilted his head. "But I could ask Hisoka. Hello, Gon. I'm not glad to see you," he finally deigned to acknowledge the third participant in this absurd scene.
"Likewise, Illumi," Freecss grunted unhappily, sitting up on the bed and rubbing his neck. "I'd never be glad to see you, but right now – especially. You're interfering."
"And why do you think I'm here?" Illumi narrowed his eyes. "Killu, why did you drag him here?"
"I didn't drag him!" Killua yelled, embarrassed. "I just woke up, and he was here and…" The younger Zoldyck bit his tongue. He wasn't going to mention the kiss.
"And the first thing you did was decide to give him pleasure. Interesting," Illumi commented dryly. Killua wanted to howl out loud. Spending time with Hisoka was having a solely negative effect on Illumi, and he'd been unbearable before!
"Leave," Gon said firmly, looking at the older Zoldyck.
"I'll leave when you answer one question. How did you get past the security and onto the grounds?"
"I don't know!" Freecss spread his hands. "I fell asleep in Saherta, and woke up here!"
"Liar!" Killua snarled at him. "That's impossible!"
"I'm not lying!"
"Unfortunately," Illumi noted with slight disappointment and stood up. "His elevated pulse and breathing are related to physical arousal, not lying. Well then, I'll have to inform our parents that your affair with Gon has been rekindled."
"That's not what this is!… Come back!" Killua watched helplessly as Illumi disappeared through the window. His bedroom was on the top floor, so traveling via windows was more convenient for Illumi than using the stairs. Unfortunately, that made him hard to stop.
"We don't need him right now!" Gon grabbed Killua's arm and pulled him closer. Gon was determined to use this absurd situation to solve their problem. "I swear, I don't know how I got here. And it doesn't matter. Killua, I don't know why you keep running from me, and I won't ask if you don't want to talk about it, but please. Please. Enough."
Freecss stared intently at Killua's face. He desperately needed an answer, any kind of reaction, to know what to do next. This couldn't go on; he didn't want it to go on.
Except he was the only one who needed it. Killua stubbornly pressed his lips together, overflowing with anger and irritation. Gon's stunt, his own weakness, Illumi's visit – it was driving him crazy. And Gon's selfish plea right now was completely out of line.
"Please? I'm just supposed to ignore everything you just did and give in?" Killua asked with fury.
"I apologized, and I can apologize a hundred more times!" Gon exhaled in frustration. "I didn't mean… I didn't mean for this to happen. Really. I don't want to anger you or scare you, I don't want to make you uncomfortable, but what am I supposed to do when you keep running away?"
"Ever consider just accepting it?" The Zoldyck's gaze turned cold and hostile. Gon could almost physically feel the pain in his heart, and he resignedly understood that his only remaining fear had just come true.
"I can't," Gon dropped his shoulders and bowed his head. "I just can't. Maybe you don't need me, but I really need you, Killua."
"As I recall, last time, you said the opposite. Now let go of me if you don't want to lose an arm."
Gon looked up. The last time…
His fingers unclenched, and Killua slipped out of his grip. It instantly sobered Gon.
"Killua, I didn't mean it like that. Neferpitou pissed me off, I just…"
"I don't want to hear it," the Zoldyck cut him off coldly, rising from the bed. "I've heard enough. And I don't want to talk to you either."
Gon flinched as if struck.
"Killua, no!…"
The door swung open. Silva silently looked at Gon, sitting on the bed in just his shorts, then shifted his gaze to his son in disheveled clothes.
Comments would have been superfluous in this situation, but the outcome was unexpected for Silva.
"Have Canary interrogate him. He got in here without my permission," Killua walked past his father. "I'm leaving!"
"You just got here yesterday," Silva crossed his arms. Again?
"I never said I was staying long!" Killua yelled from the hallway. "And you haven't been able to order me around for a long time!"
Silva grunted. Despite his age, Killua continued to display restless rebellion. And the worst part was that he was directing that rebellious spirit in the wrong direction.
"It's precisely because I'm an assassin that I realize killing a problematic person doesn't always solve the problem," Silva said slowly, not even looking at Gon.
"What?" Freecss was confused. The phrase sounded meaningless to him.
"I just explained why you're still alive. Follow me."
Gon jumped off the bed. Frankly, he wanted to chase after Killua right now and convince him that Gon eight years ago was a hot-tempered little shit whose words shouldn't be taken seriously, but right now that would be the worst possible decision – Killua was too angry with him.
And as for his father, Gon was meeting him for the first time. Killua really did look a lot like him.
"I don't quite understand what you're talking about," Gon sighed, following Silva out into the hallway. "I don't understand anything at all. I didn't understand, I mean. Killua just now…"
"I'm not interested in your drama," Silva waved him off, interrupting. "I just don't like that with your appearance in his life, Killua keeps changing for the worse. Since when does a Zoldyck spend years running away from some arrogant brat?"
Gon sighed quietly. He himself wished Killua would stop and give him a chance to clear things up. So far, his progress in this matter remained at a firm, solid zero. And the new information he'd just learned only made his situation more complicated and worse.