Chapter Text
And, oh, it's hard to see you, but I wish you were right here
Oh, it's hard to leave you when I get you everywhere
All this time I'm thinking we could never be a pair
Oh, no, I don't need you, but I miss you, come here
Seokjin woke up due the heat. He stretched and moved around the covers of the bed, noticing his dark hair and nape were already wet with his sweat. Sighing, he looked up at the white ceiling of his hotel room.
His body was slightly sore due to his last show in Amsterdam. Thankfully, his voice hasn’t become hoarse: he has been trying to keep it clear and healthy due his upcoming events. His lips curved up to a smile when he remembered.
As he stepped up towards the nightstand to take some water, poking his cheeks on the way (puffy, just as he imagined), he took a look around the place. The suitcases and some of the outfits he wore during his performances were scattered everywhere, as well as some of the items he brought from Korea to make him feel comfortable during his solo tour.
The pillow he bought after losing the one that helped him get to sleep. The metal chopsticks he always carried around when he went out for lunch. A Pink Bean keychain that was gifted to him by one of his nephews. As he approached the window to get a glimpse of the early sun, he narrowed his eyes at the light, just to take a look at one side of the room.
There was a picture he printed himself just to carry it around. It was the one Jimin took of the seven of them around a month ago, their first live together after almost two years without each other. His hands stretched towards it, taking a look. In a few days, they will be back side by side in Los Angeles.
They looked so joyous together, as if the life that was taken from them the past two years apart was gifted back. Caressing the glass, he took a look at every single member, including himself while remembering a few of the quotes they said that day. And their laughter. Oh, how much he had missed laughing and the sweet melody they all made together. As if the universe was pulling them back together on track on their journey across the stars. However, his fingers landed on one last member that stopped the movements of his tears about to roll down.
Namjoon was right between Taehyung and Yoongi. Although his smile wasn't as spread as the other members, if you truly knew him, you would have seen the slight glimpse of his teeth under his lips and the pressed eyes of his usual sharp eyes only conveyed the comfort and the well-being of himself surrounded by his favorite people.
Namjoon and Seokjin. Seokjin and Namjoon.
Seokjin’s breath was shaky as he took a good look at him. His crooked fingers trembled at the hold of the picture and he put it back at the table. Taking a deep breath to calm himself down, his eyes opened back at him. The turbulence of his heart has been carrying many doubts and fears about what was about to happen between them once they met again, as he wasn’t so sure that everything could get back to normal.
Everything? What was truly that for the two of them?
The softness of his dimples every time he looked at him. The so-called honey-stared his eyes never caught but the cameras always did. His long fingers around his neck and waist and the nuzzle of their noses when no one was looking. The comfort of his strong arms as he pulled him closer on his chair at the studio, even if Seokjin complained that he had to work. The petals of the flowers he had always gifted him smashed into a book full of lyrics dedicated to him resting on one corner of his library. The smell of beers of their families meeting and his hand caressing his back out of comfort while their parents shared a joke only the two of them would understand. The comfort of sleeping in his shoulders when they would get back home on the same car. And that time Namjoon carried him to their bed just to both giggled it out while he tried to fake his nap so he could enjoy it.
And normal? Could that ever be achieved again?
The tears when both their heads had no hair anymore. The sobs at the night when they both agreed to do this for their own sake. The looks at each other on their free days, where their bodies stopped themselves from doing something stupid. His body getting sick after looking at the camouflage suit one more time. The messages of them, of him, talking about how they badly were doing without being able to do nothing. The blood of his knuckles after hitting the wooden wall out of frustration and the avoiding answers to the cadets when they asked.
The nightmares.
And the dreams of six smiles, and a dimple one, he held on to to keep going.
A knock on the door brought him back to reality. After catching up with his manager and thanking him for ordering some breakfast, Seokjin looked back at the spot all over again.
Perhaps life wasn’t going to be as it used to be. Perhaps, they weren’t meant to be like that forever and that was fine, as life still went on. A part of him truly wished things had gone different, as he caressed the side of his left arm where the vaccine pinched four years ago.
As he tried to focus on getting everything ready for his next flight to the states, the question never left his mind.
Could they ever be what they used to be again?