Chapter Text
Adrien peers through the window, looking around to see if his cousin is inside. He can see golden light filling the room, meaning that his cousin hasn’t gone to bed yet, but he can’t see any movement inside.
With hesitation, he taps a clawed finger to the window. Nothing at first. He sighs and looks behind him, taking in the cityscape of London, his heart nervously pounding in his chest. He doesn’t want to be out here for long. If he’s noticed, he’s done for. Chat Noir in London will certainly garner attention he doesn’t want.
He taps the windowpane again, a little harder, a little faster. This time, he’s granted the movement of a shadow across the floor. Soon, Félix is in view, dressed in his pajamas. His eyes widen as he makes eye contact with him. He hears the sound of the window unlocking. Not too long later, it slides upwards, and Adrien helps himself in without another word. Félix silently closes the window and locks it again.
“Chat Noir. To what do I owe you the pleasure?”
Adrien usually loves seeing Félix. He loves his cousin to death. Once upon a time, they had been best friends. But right now, he was angry at Félix. And being angry at Félix only made his heart ache even more than it already was.
“Cut the crap, Félix. I know you know who I am.”
Félix raises a brow, arms crossing over his chest.
“Such coarse language, Adrien.”
“Plagg, claws in.”
With a flash of green, Adrien is reverted back to his civilian self, Plagg silently floating next to him.
“I think it’s warranted. Especially considering you knew. You knew everything,” he says, raising his voice.
Félix is quick to shush him, going so far as to shove a hand over his mouth. They’re silent for a good three seconds before Félix lets his hand fall.
“Keep it down, will you? My mom is just down the hall.”
Adrien glares at Félix, but does nod in agreement. He doesn’t exactly want Aunt Amelie to know he’s here either. Not with what he plans to ask Félix.
Félix sighs and goes to sit down on his bed. “I knew everything? You’ll have to be clearer about what you mean.”
“I know you saw the news. It’s all anyone is talking about. Not just in Paris, but all of Europe, and even people outside of Europe.”
Félix’s lips press into a thin line. He hangs his head, and his body deflates with a quiet sigh.
“Your father.”
Adrien nods, feeling tears sting his eyes for what feels like the millionth time within the span of two days.
“You knew,” he begins, having to pause and swallow the lump in his throat as his voice breaks. “You knew that my father was Hawkmoth, and you did nothing. You said nothing. You even gave up the miraculouses that one time. To him.”
Félix sucks in a deep breath, his fists clenching on his thighs.
“Yes. I did. And I’m sorry, Adrien. I know an apology means nothing to you, given how much my actions hurt you and Ladybug. But…I don’t completely regret it.”
Felix points to something on his desk. Adrien follows his finger and finds the peacock miraculous sitting innocently on the desk. His eyes widen, and his heart drops to his feet.
“The peacock miraculous…” Plagg breathes out next to him.
Adrien whirls around to face Félix again, a few tears leaking from his eyes. His chest heaves as he begins to connect the dots.
“You knew about it too. About what I am.”
“What we are,” Félix corrects softly.
Adrien wants to punch his cousin in the face. But he also sees the anguish in Félix’s expression. He’s hurt. He’s confused. He bites down on his wobbling lower lip.
“Why?”
“You’ll need to be more specific, Adrien,” Félix clarifies, though his voice isn’t condescending.
“Why did you take it?”
“So we wouldn’t have to worry about being controlled anymore,” Félix immediately answers. “You have the ring, don’t you?”
Adrien hesitates before pulling out the piece of jewelry from the front pocket of his jeans. Félix nods.
“You felt it, didn’t you? When you finally held it. The control. The weight you never even knew you had, gone. That vice around your ribs, finally disappearing.”
Adrien’s fingers curl around the ring. The metal presses into the palm of his hand so tightly that he can feel it biting into his skin. It will no doubt leave a bruise if he keeps pressing any harder.
“How long did you know? About what we are.”
Félix looks away, his eyes suddenly shining with hatred. “My father told me just before he died. And even still, my mother had to pry the ring off his cold, dead body because even in death, he didn’t want to relinquish his control of me.”
Adrien feels sick to his stomach at Félix’s admission. Uncle Colt used to scare him growing up. The man was tall and intimidating. Adrien never said anything to him beyond a polite hello, and whenever he saw his uncle interacting with his cousin, it wasn’t pretty. At best, he would completely ignore Félix’s presence when he tried to get his attention. At worst, Adrien would witness his uncle being incredibly mean to his cousin. Spitting out insults and hissing like a snake. If his uncle caught Adrien looking, he would send Adrien a cold stare, grab Félix by his arm, and hiss something else into his ear, before leaving.
Adrien wasn’t blind to how Uncle Colt used to treat Félix. It had just been easier to forget it and try not to remember. It had always hurt to see his cousin being treated in such a way.
“I’m sorry…”
“Don’t apologize. You weren’t the one who abused me for thirteen years of my life.”
Adrien wraps his arms around himself. He makes eye contact with Plagg. There’s guilt in his kwami’s big green eyes.
“You knew too, didn’t you?”
“From the moment we met,” Plagg admits quietly.
Adrien laughs bitterly, running a hand through his hair.
“And nobody told me. Nobody ever told me a damn thing.”
“I wanted to protect you—” Félix begins, but Adrien quickly cuts him off.
“No, you don’t get to decide that! I understand that you’re coming from a place of hurt, Félix, but this? This is my life! You of all people should understand that!”
He watches Félix’s mouth click shut. He swallows before nodding in agreement with Adrien’s words.
“You’re right. I’m sorry, Adrien.”
Adrien whirls around on his kwami. “And you. What’s your excuse, Plagg?”
“What would I have been able to do, kid? I wouldn’t have been able to sense where your amok was. Would you have wanted to go these last two years knowing that you aren’t human, and don’t have complete autonomy over your life?”
Adrien pauses at Plagg’s words. He falters for a bit because he isn’t sure. He thinks he would’ve been absolutely emotionally volatile had he known. Adrien has been described as emotionally mature by a lot of people. But when it becomes too much, he can act recklessly.
“I still wish you hadn’t kept it from me,” he eventually settles on saying.
Plagg nods and nuzzles against his cheek, dodging a few warm tears that roll down his face.
“I’m sorry, kid. I really am.”
Adrien lets out a shaky sigh. This was a lot. A lot to learn in just a couple of days. He finally sits down next to Félix, his legs growing shaky. Félix places a hand on his shoulder. Adrien can’t help but lean against his cousin, silently wishing for things to go back to normal. When his mother was alive, and his father actually cared for him. When he and Félix were best friends, and his family would travel to Paris often, and everything was okay in the world. Life spent in ignorant bliss.
A sudden sob falls from his mouth, his chest hitching and his body shaking. His world has fallen apart, and there’s nothing he can do to fix it.
“I loved Mom. I still do. But why couldn’t he have just moved on? So many people suffered because of him.”
Félix doesn’t have a response. Adrien continues to cry, trying to stay as quiet as possible so he doesn’t alert Aunt Amelie to his presence.
Adrien sniffles and rubs at his face. He finally relaxes his hands and winces, seeing a red and purplish circle on his palm where his ring has dug into his skin. Adrien places the ring on his ring finger on his right hand. Just above his miraculous.
He spends a few seconds staring at the bruise. Adrien remembers when he used to think sentimonsters weren’t beings capable of feeling anything, which was kind of ironic considering they were born from emotions.
Adrien never thought about it until that one sentimonster that was an exact copy of Ladybug. He remembers when Mayura had relinquished her from existence. The pain on the Ladybug’s face. How she had grappled at her chest, hugging the keychain tightly, her eyes wide in panic and pure, unadulterated fear.
Félix grabs his bruised hand and interlocks their fingers, grabbing his attention.
“Don’t go there, Adrien. Believe me, I have,” Félix says.
Adrien’s eyes trail down to the visible scars on Félix’s arms. They looked to be a few years old, and they certainly hadn’t been there the last time Adrien had seen Félix without wearing anything with long sleeves. Now that he thinks about it, since seeing Félix again, he’s only worn long sleeves.
Adrien swallows roughly and squeezes Félix’s hand.
“Right. I’m sorry.”
“Don’t apologize. I just…I don’t want you to hurt like I did. This,” he motions towards the many scars that litter his arms. “Is exactly why I—”
Félix’s voice breaks and he looks away, needing to breathe for a second before speaking again.
“It’s why I didn’t want to tell you anything. You’ve always been more expressive about your emotions. I didn’t want to imagine what you might’ve done to yourself if you had figured it out.”
Adrien doesn’t hesitate to pull Félix in for a hug. His cousin hugs him back, the two of them gently beginning to rock back and forth. The cuts on his legs, hidden underneath denim jeans, begin to burn. Too late, he thinks to himself. When they finally pull away, both of their eyes are red and their faces are damp.
Félix rubs at his face and lets out a shaky breath.
“Where have you been staying?” He asks quietly.
Adrien frowns, wrapping his arms around himself. “Nowhere. I’ve just been avoiding law enforcement and staying away from the manor since Father was arrested. And…I’ve been avoiding Ladybug too.”
Félix raises a brow. “How come? Law enforcement certainly wouldn’t have arrested you along with Gabriel for his actions.”
“I don’t know. Some people think I knew about everything Father was doing. Some even argue that I was helping him.”
Félix gasps dramatically, placing a hand on his chest. “Adrien? Sweet Adrien Agreste? But he wouldn’t hurt a fly.”
Adrien snorts and elbows Félix. “The kwami of destruction is literally right here.”
“Nah kid, he’s got a point. Without me, you wouldn’t do anything. Not because you’re incapable, but because you’re too nice,” Plagg replies with a smirk.
Adrien sputters for a second. “What?! I can be mean!”
“Do you want to be mean though?” Félix asks.
Adrien remains silent. Félix gives him a smug grin.
“That’s what I thought.”
Adrien shakes his head, a small smile threatening to split his face. But it doesn’t pull at his lips for long, the situation at hand coming back down on him.
“Still. Besides, I would’ve gone to child services, and they would’ve tried to contact either Aunt Amelie or Grandma and Grandpa, or Father’s parents. And who knows how long that would’ve taken?”
“But…?” Félix asks.
Adrien sighs. Félix knows him well, just like he knows his cousin.
“I don’t…I’m just so tired, Félix. I finally have control over my life and I…I don’t want other people to control it.”
Yeah, he’s still a kid. A teenager. He can acknowledge that. But with Hawkmoth defeated and his world having been flipped upside down, he really didn’t want to stay in Paris. He wanted to have a say in his own life. He wanted to do what he wanted to do. Even if that meant being away from his family and getting away from the skeletons buried over here in Europe.
“And…how come you’ve been avoiding Ladybug? Isn’t she your partner? Don’t you love her?” Félix asks.
Adrien feels his heart squeeze in his chest. He ignores the way both Plagg and Felix’s eyes seem to burn into the sides of his head.
“I do love her, Félix. But…she’s also lied to me so many times. When I finally escaped that room here in London, and arrived at the manor to see her and Father already fighting, you don’t think she would’ve tried to lie to me about that too?”
Plagg and Félix don’t have an answer for him. He finds Plagg's silence very telling. His kwami sighs.
“There are some things she has to lie about, kid. She’s the guardian, remember?” Plagg says.
“And I thought we were friends. Best friends. Best friends don’t lie. She doesn’t trust me, but she’ll trust the other miraculous holders. That’s fine, whatever. I just…I don’t want to be treated like that again. And I don’t need her protection. I’m supposed to be her equal.”
Plagg doesn’t say anything else in Ladybug’s defense. Adrien feels something like guilt tug at his gut, but he pushes it down. He can’t feel bad for his words now. He’s running away. It won’t matter soon anyway.
“I tried to protect you too, yet you’re here with me,” Félix says quietly.
“But you’re family,” Adrien immediately refutes.
“Family means nothing,” Félix answers just as quickly.
Adrien winces, thinking about both of their fathers. He rubs his arms, unsure of what to say. He can hear his cousin suck in a slow breath through his nose. Adrien hesitantly looks up, seeing realization in Félix’s eyes.
“And that’s why you came to me,” Félix says in almost a whisper.
Adrien nods, looking up to meet Félix’s gaze with tears in his eyes. He hangs his head, that guilt now a hook, tugging at his gut even more until he begins to feel sick. He feels awful for using his cousin like this. But Félix simply nudges him, grabbing his attention.
Félix looks like he’s going to cry again. He swallows roughly before pulling Adrien in for another hug. It surprises Adrien at first, but he quickly melts into Félix’s arms.
“Promise you’ll call me at some point. So I know you’re okay and not dead somewhere.”
Adrien nods, tears steadily rolling down his cheeks and soaking Félix’s pajama shirt.
“I promise.”
Félix pulls away, his expression hardening into one of determination.
“I’ll help you.”
⠂⋆ ･ ⠄⠂⋆ ･ ⠄⠂⋆ ･ ⠄⠂⋆ ･
“What would you like your fake name to be?”
Adrien hums, tapping a finger to his chin. “Austin is an American name, right?”
Félix stills, and he turns around to show his blank expression. Adrien blinks in confusion.
“What?”
“Adrien, I’m trying to help you run away to the United States. You may be able to speak English fluently, but your French accent isn’t going away overnight.”
Adrien pouts. Plagg, who was munching on some crackers Félix had fetched for him, gently nudges him.
“He’s right.”
“I’m sure there’s an Austin in the U.S that speaks French.”
Félix rolls his eyes. “What I’m saying is that if you want to go to the city I’m telling you to go to, you’ll want to grab as little attention as possible. Let’s stick with something that won’t raise eyebrows and sounds like it’ll actually fit you.”
Adrien sighs. Right. After he had confided in Félix that he basically wanted to run away and disappear, Félix had suggested that he go to Gotham City in New Jersey. At first, Adrien had felt a shiver run down his spine. Even over here in Europe, Gotham was infamous. It wasn’t considered one of the most crime-ridden cities in the world for nothing.
“If you want to disappear, Gotham is the place to go. Besides, Batman is there. Who doesn’t want to potentially meet Batman?” Félix had said with a bit of enthusiasm in his voice. Adrien half-expected his cousin to ask if he could join him on his trip.
Really, it was no surprise that Félix liked Batman. He wasn’t just a vigilante who fought for his city and worked with the Justice League, but a detective too.
Personally, Adrien was more of a Superman guy, but Batman was pretty cool too.
“Alright then. You choose a name for me. But give me a good one.”
Félix nods and turns back to his laptop, where he’s creating a fake passport for Adrien. Félix had told him that the best way to disappear was with a fake identity. That way, if he ever got mistaken for Adrien Agreste, he would have physical proof that would claim otherwise. With his father having been arrested for his activities as Hawkmoth, there would be a trial, and there was a chance that Adrien would be called to testify. But it would be hard for him to testify if he were gone. And going missing would surely cause national alarm. Not just because he was a famous model.
“I’ll need to take a picture. I’ll also pack you a bag. I think I still have some American currency from my last trip to Texas with Colt and my mom.”
Adrien looks up quickly, staring at the back of Félix’s head. “You would give me your money?”
“A euro or pound isn’t exactly going to work in America, and I’m sure by now, your father’s bank accounts have been frozen. You won’t have access to his assets. So, yes, I’m giving you my money. It’s not like I can use it here in London. Besides, you’ll need it to get a taxi into the city. Gotham doesn’t have an airport for obvious reasons, so you’ll be flying into Newark Liberty International. From there, you’ll take a taxi to Gotham. Any money you have leftover will have to be used for food and whatever else you decide to spend it on.”
Adrien can only stare at Félix in awe as he explains. This was exactly why he had come to Félix for help. His cousin was resourceful, intelligent, and knew what he was doing.
“Thanks, Félix.”
“Don’t mention it.”
A few hours later, Félix had managed to forge a pretty good fake passport. They pack a bag for him, and Félix gives him all the American money he has. Three hundred dollars.
“Use it wisely, and be careful. I’m sure I don’t have to tell you, but if anyone in Gotham sees you have that amount of money on you, they’ll try to steal it,” Félix had told him.
Félix had also bought him a plane ticket so he wouldn’t have to worry about anyone seeing Chat Noir leaving London and arriving in Gotham. Currently, Adrien was putting on a hoodie Félix had given him as his cousin zipped up his bag.
“Alright,” Félix sighs, rubbing his eyes, no doubt exhausted. It’s currently past one in the morning.
“Clothes, toiletries, money, passport…I don’t think I’m missing anything.”
Adrien lets out a shaky breath. He takes out his phone. He has had it turned off since after his father’s defeat. He doesn’t want people to track him. He looks up to meet Félix’s eyes, tears beginning to burn them.
“I won’t be able to contact you.”
Félix simply gives him a shrug and a small lopsided smile.
“Just call me when you can. I trust Plagg will help keep you safe and out of trouble.”
The kwami preens at the praise and laughs. “You bet I will!”
“Here, I can dispose of it.”
Adrien nods and hands his phone to Félix. He grabs the backpack and puts it on. A heavy feeling begins to settle in his chest. A combination of excitement and fear. He’s a bit scared to go off on his own, but he’s also so desperate to leave.
He needs to leave.
“Thank you, Félix,” Adrien whispers.
“I just wish I could do more…I’m sorry. Again.”
Adrien pulls him in for a hug. “I think this makes up for some of what you did.”
Félix lets out a wet laugh. “Only some?”
“Yeah, only some,” Adrien jokes.
They stay like that for what feels like forever. When they eventually pull apart, Adrien drinks in his cousin’s appearance. So similar to his own, and yet they are so different.
“Call me when you get the chance.”
Adrien nods. “I love you.”
Félix reels back a bit before he softens and sighs. He hangs his head, and Adrien presses his forehead against his cousin's.
“Love you too,” Félix murmurs.
Adrien pulls away, grabs the plane tickets Félix had printed for him, and pulls the hood up on his hoodie. Plagg disappears into the pocket on the front of the hoodie.
“You know the side entrance in the kitchen? Go out through there and make your way to the front gate. I called a taxi to take you to the airport.”
Félix presses some pounds into his hand. Adrien takes it and offers Félix one final smile.
“Thank you, Félix. I’ll see you later.”
“Yeah. Bye, Adrien.”
With that, Adrien leaves Félix’s room, quietly making his way down the halls and downstairs, leaving his old life behind.
Because maybe if Adrien runs far enough, he can outrun years' worth of pain.