Chapter Text
buck, someone who’s never had a best friend before.
and eddie, the guy who married his best friend from middle school.
how on earth were they supposed to tell the difference between a platonic and a romantic soulmate when they each had only known one kind, but not the other?
it all began coming into place once theo started having his nightmares.
actually, it all began with buck’s brush with death. although no one is quite sure which one.
really, it began in the firehouse gym all those years ago, but neither of them would ever admit it.
so, for any and all purposes, theo’s nightmares are our starting point.
it wasn’t long after the crash. a little one’s mind is not prepared for so much change. one moment, theo had loving parents and they all lived together in their familiar home; they would wake up at the same times each day and go to the park or the daycare or the zoo, then they would come home in the evening and have a bubble bath with Mr. Duckling, then they would all sit for dinner and laugh and then his parents would put Theo in his bed and tell him an awesome-sauce tale from the great Spiderman and then they would hug him really, really tight and kiss him on his head and he would sleep. then one day, theo went to another house. there was no bubble bath with his rubber duck, although dinner was still pretty good, and there was no Spiderman bedtime story, but there was a tight hug, it just wasn’t from his mom and dad. his days were never quite like days with his parents. they weren’t bad, not at all, but they were different. theo missed his mom’s lavender scent and the fart noises his dad would make when he thought mom wasn’t listening. he missed his bed and his bath and his dinner table and his toys and his favorite red-colored marker.
most of the time, though, theo liked his new home. he was fond of Mr. Poop, or, how Mr. Poop preferred, Buck, and he liked all of Buck’s firefighters friends and his afternoons at the firehouse or at Eddie’s with Chris or at Chimney’s with Maddie and Jee or, sometimes, when everyone else was busy, at Mr and Mrs. Lee 's. he liked the attention and the new toys and his new pals. he had fun with buck and he felt loved, in the way only a little four year old could. it was only when the moon came out, after Buck sat beside him in his new firetruck-framed bed, one hand hugging theo from behind while the other held an illustrated book, after he was kissed goodnight and hugged and pinky-promised he would be safe, after he closed his tiny eyes, that his longing for his parents’ touch reappeared, suddenly too much to bear. not that theo knew that’s what that was. all he knew was sometimes, he would close his eyes and not like what he saw. his mind was too little to grasp it, his dreams not concrete enough. he couldn’t tell, exactly, what happened in them. it was the feeling of a nightmare, not the memory of one. it was dark and lonely and cold, at the same time too lavender-scented and not nearly enough. it was the faces of his parents, but also just a scary shadowy monster under his bed. it was storm and thunder and bubbles and quiet. it was too much. it made theo scream.
when theo opened his eyes after the scary dream, Mr. Poop was always by his side, holding him close. everything would be okay, i’m here now, i’m here, shh, shh, it’s okay, theo, buddy, i’m here. theo liked Buck. he would stop crying and close his eyes again and fall asleep and then he would wake up to find himself still being hugged, Buck deep in his (very uncomfortable) sleep.
it wasn’t long until Buck’s neck pain started to become unbearable. he needed more help.
-
“you look like hell”
“good morning to you too, Hen”, replied Buck, still squinting his eyes. he had a raging headache, purple-ish bags under his eyes and a spot of mustache he missed when shaving. he was ten minutes late to work when he arrived at the 118 firehouse to find his coworkers all sitting together at the table upstairs. he sat beside Hen and Eddie.
“kid still giving you trouble?”, Chimney guessed.
“um, yeah. he seems to wake up whenever i leave his bed”
“at this point you should probably get the two of you a bigger bed then”, Ravi chips in, which makes Eddie laugh.
“no”, says Hen. “you need to show him that he’s safe in his bedroom, that he’s a big boy who can sleep by himself.”
“Hen’s right. baby nash had some trouble adjusting to sleeping in his own bedroom for the first few nights, but we showed him it was okay and now he’s fine!”, agreed Chim.
“well, i bet baby nash wasn’t waking up screaming bloody murder every time you left him unattended”, replied Buck, right before the department’s bell rang. the loud noise was startling, the sound echoing in his head. the table was quickly cleared and they all started running down to the engine, buck slightly behind them, his body still too slow.
“you just gotta be there for him, buck”, eddie said as they got on the fire engine. “you remember chris’ night terrors after the tsunami. he just needed to process that and shannon and then the nightmares stopped. just gotta show him he’s not going through this alone”
“yeah, i guess that’s it.”, buck smiled. “thanks, eddie”.
the shift felt neverending. even after an unhealthy dose of caffeine, one ibuprofen for his neck and countless micro-naps (as well as quite a few full ones, too), buck’s body was still not recovered from its streak of restless nights. the calls felt unnecessarily stupid, although that might just be the sleep deprivation talking, and even though he felt like they never stopped coming, he also could barely remember any of them as their details blended together. he had a really hard time keeping up with any sort of conversation that seemed to last over thirty seconds all day long and Chimney was pretty sure he’d seen buck cleaning the floors with a dry mop and also he kind of burnt what was supposed to be their unfortunately–very-late-in-the-afternoon-mac-and-cheese-lunch-slash-pre-dinner. the man was tired.
by nine o’clock, their shift had ended. by nine fifteen, most of the team had already left the station. eddie, however, was desperate for a shower after their last call, during which he had to rescue a kid who’d fallen by a sewer. the smell was unbearable and he just couldn’t wait until he got home, so he hit the station’s shower instead. he liked showering in times like this, when everyone in the A-shift was gone and the B-shift was still settling, which meant the 118 was mostly silent. he liked the peace. he also enjoyed getting home clean so he could almost instantly jump on his bed.
after his warm shower, Eddie felt rejoiced. he entered the locker room half-dancing, humming a stupid jingle from the radio Chimney had spent the last two shifts singing along to. he was too distracted at first to notice, so he flinched in surprise when he did - Buck was there, sitting on the bench. he called his name, “Buck?”, but no answer came. Buck was asleep. very asleep. he had his left elbow on top of his leg, his hand holding his head in a position that seemed extremely prone to neck pain, which Eddie knew he was already suffering with.
“Buck, buddie, come on”, Eddie called again, half-whispering, as he shook Buck’s shoulder. once again, his friend did not answer. “Buck. Buck!”, still nothing. Eddie took a deep breath, then softly kicked Buck’s left leg, moving it so his elbow was unsupported, and therefore his head, too.
Buck quickly opened his eyes, although they were squinting. “w-what?!”
“wake up, bud. it’s time to go home”, Eddie pat his shoulder. “come on”
Buck muttered something Eddie couldn’t comprehend, then slowly got up with Eddie’s help. he was clearly not completely in this realm yet, part of him still asleep somehow, which made his body slower than usual. he had a hard time keeping his eyes open - his head hurt and his body was uncomfortable and the darkness felt so good if only he could close them for just one second just one tiny second…
he fell asleep again the minute he got on Eddie’s backseat.
he was in no fit state for driving. Eddie couldn’t allow it. and he didn’t mind stopping at Buck’s place before getting home. his own bed could wait just a few more minutes. the car was quite - he usually liked to play music to unwind after work, but he knew Buck could really use all the sleep he could get, so he drove in silence and avoided potholes and tried not to drum his fingers in the steering wheel while waiting for the green light. they were almost at their destiny when Buck woke up, disoriented and confused. Eddie briefly explained how he got there, how he was too tired to hit the road himself, how they were almost home.
“did you really carry me to your car while i was sleeping?”
“i’m strong, but not that strong”, eddie replied, looking at him through the rearview mirror. “you were half-asleep, yes, but you walked yourself. do you really not remember that? how many ibuprofen pills did you take?”
“just the one”, said buck. “guess i must be too tired”
eddie looked at the mirror again, his eyebrow lifted. “yeah, i guess you must”. he really hadn’t carried buck to the car. he did help him walk, with his arm across buck’s shoulder, supporting his quite exhausted body, but he hadn’t thought he’d been exhausted to the point of amnesia. eddie wasn’t sure what to think of that, which was weird, given he always knew what to think of things. he stored that thought, or lack thereof, away as he parked right outside buck’s house. “need help getting in?”
“no, but thank you”, buck said as he pat eddie’s shoulder right before getting out of the car. eddie rolled down his window.
“you want me to pick theo up for daycare tomorrow morning? since your car is at the firehouse”, he offered. buck smiled.
“that’d be awesome, thank you”
“alright. have some rest, bud”
“will do. have a good night, eddie”
-
“you’re home”
still sleepy and disoriented, Buck closes the door behind him and looks up to see Carla, the babysitter. well, technically babysitting isn’t exactly in her job description, but Buck decided he wouldn’t trust a stranger to look after Theo, so he asked very nicely and luckily, because Carla likes him so much, and also because he offered a pretty good bonus, she took the job. so now, whenever she’s free and everyone else isn’t, she picks Theo up from daycare and stays with him until bedtime. which was an hour ago.
“yeah”, buck says. “i am. i’m sorry, i took a nap at the station. eddie had to drive me home”
“oh, it’s fine! i put theo to bed a while ago”, carla replies with a smile. “he’s deep in his sleep”, she adds, and when buck scoffs and mutters “for now”, she raises an eyebrow. “you should be deep asleep, too. you look horrible.”
“gee, thanks”, he smirks.
“i’m serious, buck. you need more rest!”
“i know, i know. i just need a full night’s sleep, that’s all.”
she smiles at him softly. “he’s just adjusting. give him time”
“i know…”, buck says as he looks down, then up at her again. “i just wonder if there’s anything more i should be doing. you know, to ease his pain. to make him feel safer.”
carla frowns. “oh, no, kid. you’re doing more than enough. he just needs time.”
with a small smile, buck says, “thanks, carla. have a good night.”
“good night, buck”, she replies as she gets her things and leaves the house, but not before she gives him a hug.
as the door closes once again, buck takes a deep breath and starts making his way towards his room. he stops at theo’s bedroom first, the door not closed all the way, and smiles at the sight of the little kid peacefully asleep. a wave of emotions comes, filling buck with love and ease and he is sure he’s made the right decision taking theo in. he’s so glad to have him, night terrors included. he just wishes this peace could last until sunrise.
at around three in the morning, it comes - theo’s high-pitched voice in a scream. it wakes buck up in alarm, as it always does, his body still not used to this routine. he still needs to convince himself, the adult, that all is well. it’s just a bad dream. so he breathes slowly until he is calm enough, then gets up from his bed and walks in the direction of theo’s. when he enters the child’s bedroom, he finds theo sitting up in his little firetruck bed, crying, his small hands holding tightly his teddy bear on his side.
“shhh, it’s okay, it’s okay, bud, i’m here”, buck whispers, his own heart breaking at every word. “buck’s here.” the crying stops, leaving only a pout and teary eyes. buck sits beside him and holds him close. “it’s okay, bud”, he repeats, caressing his back.
after a few seconds, when it looks like the initial shock has worn off, buck pulls away from the embrace and looks theo in the eyes. “did you have a bad dream, bud?”. theo nods. “do you want to talk about it?”, he asks, but theo doesn’t reply. “what did you dream of, theo?”.
still nothing. theo simply stares at him, still shaking ever so slightly. buck asks again, just one last time, but it doesn’t work. he breathes deeply and holds theo once more. they stay like that until the kid falls asleep again, and then buck shifts them into a more comfortable position. “good night, bud”, he whispers right before falling back into sleep too.
-
it’s thursday night, which used to be chris-and-buck night and is now chris-and-theo night. buck doesn’t mind it, though. he still gets to hang out with his two favorite kids, he still gets to cook and he still gets to crack open a cold one with eddie. thursday nights have become a sacred day for buck.
the night is going great. chris loves being at buck’s place, especially now that he’s got a little friend to fuss over. theo isn’t allowed to play videogames with him yet (buck’s been reading a lot about screentime in toddlerhood, and no he doesn’t care theo’s technically not a toddler anymore, he just hasn’t had the time to decide his parenting style yet, okay?), but his newfound obsession with hot wheels reignited chris’ old one, so they still have a lot of fun. tonight’s dish is carbonara with slightly burnt bacon (buck won’t admit it, but he did close his eyes for a minute while frying it. again.) and a side of nuggets (theo doesn’t like bacon yet. and buck hasn’t gotten around to reading about nutrition yet, so everything is free game for now. well, not everything. just dino nuggets and sugar). as chris’ has gotten older, his sous-chef abilities have improved, so he gets to participate more in the process, and eddie now has someone to keep him busy while the other two are in the kitchen. theo loves running around with his nerf guns when eddie is there, because eddie is the most convincing when pretending to be injured after being shot (he also has more experience with the real thing, but theo isn’t old enough to hear those stories yet). the house is filled with laughter and the sweet smell of unhealthy fats. buck loves his thursday nights.
“... and then max threw up all over mrs. petereson’s desk!”, chris exclaimed, finishing his recap of today’s school day.
“that’s crazy, bud”, eddie laughed. “but i bet we can one-up you on the gross scale tonight, can’t we, buck?”
buck had zone out. he was unmoving, his fork still in his fist, his eyes barely open, staring into the front door.
“buck?”, eddie called again, louder. it snapped buck right out of it.
“i’m sorry, what?”
“i was about to tell chris about that gross call we got at that retirement home today”
“oh, yeah”, buck nodded. “it was the worst”
eddie started telling the story, but buck wasn’t following it. his brain couldn’t exactly make sense of the words, as his mind was a bit too exhausted for basic comprehension. he blinked multiple times, trying to maintain focus, or at least look like he was maintaining focus, but his efforts failed anyway. he’d let out a really big yawn.
the interruption killed the momentum of his tale, so eddie shrugged and went back to his food. buck shakes his head in a final attempt to stay alert.
“still having trouble sleeping, huh?”, eddie asked, his mouth half-full of pasta.
“um, not exactly”, buck replied in between bites. “i’m sleeping, just not comfortably. theo’s bed is just a little bit too small for the both of us, isn’t it, theo?”
theo, who had been playing with his (air-) fried dinosaurs, looked up at the table. “my bed’s a fiya twuck!”, he remarked with a smile.
buck used his fork to take one of the dinosaurs from theo’s greasy hands and started cutting it into bite-sized pieces.“yes, it is”.
“are you sleeping in a children’s bed, buck?”, chris laughed.
“i’m surprised his bed isn’t a king-sized firetruck frame, to be honest”, eddie joked.
buck narrowed his eyes at him, which made chris and eddie laugh.
as they continued eating, eddie asks: “has he started therapy yet?”
“he had his first session this week, isn’t that right, theo? didn’t you like dr. collins?”
“yeah! she gave me a colowing book!”, said theo with his mouth full.
“that’s awesome, kid!”
“i think therapy’s gonna be great for him”, added chris. “talking about your feelings makes them less scary”
both eddie and buck reacted in an amused huff. they often forgot how much chris had grown up into a good, mature teen. he could never seize to surprise them. eddie had accepted a long time ago this was part of parenting, constantly finding out your kid is wiser than you thought, but buck still wasn’t used to see chris so grown. he looked at him, this child that wasn’t quite his, and yet he’d seen him throughout his childhood. he looked at chris and saw just how much he’d been loved all this years, how presence shaped him into who he was now, at just fifteen years old. he thought of his own upbringing and of how much longer it had taken him to get to where chris was. he shifted his gaze to theo, suddenly very sure of what he wanted for his kid. he thought of eddie’s words the other day. you just gotta be there for him. and buck was. and he knew he wasn’t the only one. theo’ll be just fine, he thought with a smile. he’s got us.
after they’ve all eaten, eddie helped clear the table while chris went into the kitchen to check on dessert - he’d helped buck bake brownies earlier. he opened the stove and stuck a fork in the middle of the batter. he could feel the fudginess and the fork came out dry, so it was ready. chris learned from buck to love the feeling of knowing his food was ready, that he made it. with a happy squeak, he turned off the stove as he called out for eddie.
“dad, it’s ready! grab the mittens!”
“on it!”, eddie shouted from the other room right before coming inside the kitchen with the dirty dished piled up on his arms. “that smells delicious, chris.”
“it’s bobby’s recipe”, christopher clarified. eddie smirked warmly.
a few moments later, eddie came out with the hot pan. “brownie’s here!”
“shhhh!”, reprimanded little theo with a devilish grin.
in the dining room, stood theo with a red marker in his hand. next to him, buck was asleep on his chair, his head and arms laying on the table, covered in red scribbles. across from the scene, eddie, still holding the ever-so-hot pan, let out a sigh. how long was i gone?
“maybe we should stay over tonight”, chris’ voice emerged from behind eddie as he entered the room. “looks like buck could use some help”
-
“it’s okay, man. we’ve got it”
buck was sitting on the edge of his bed, his head aching. “are you sure? you don’t have to, eddie”
“i’m sure”, eddie chuckled. he had been reassuring buck that he and chris had it all under control for minutes at this point. they were just putting a toddler to sleep. it wasn’t rocket science. “go to sleep, buck. and if you hear something during the night, forget about it. chris and i are on duty tonight. you’re resting.”
finally, buck sighed. “copy that”. he laid on the bed now, reaching for his sheets.
eddie turned out the light. “good night, buck”
buck replied only with a snore.
eddie closed the door behind him and went back to the living room. there were toys scattered across the house, but not too messily. just the ways toys were normally scattered when you have a four-year-old hurricane under your roof. eddie decided to clean up the space, thinking of how many times buck had done the same for him. although he didn’t think chris had ever owned this many toys.
he wasn’t even half-way through his decluttering when chris, who had been charged with the task of reading to theo so he would sleep, walked in looking defeated.
“he doesn’t want to read any of the books they have”, he complained.
eddie shrugged. “then tell him another story. i’m sure you know plenty”.
“he doesn’t want to hear them”
“well, tell him they’ve all you got”
“have you ever argued with a four-year-old, dad?”, chris reasoned. eddie let out a snort, because he knew his son was right. there was no arguing.
“alright, then what does he want?”, he asked.
“he wants spiderman.”
-
eddie sat on the rocking chair beside the firetruck bed. “i heard you’re very picky with your reading. i don’t see a spiderman storybook here. could i interest you in some lore?”. theo just stared at him. he clarified, “how about i tell you about spiderman’s origin story, huh?”
“i already know that one!”, theo complained.
“alright. then how about…”, he tried thinking of the comic books he’d read when he was younger and the movies he’d take chris out to watch, but he was interrupted before he ever came up with anything.
“my dad told me all his old stories. i want a new one!”
eddie quickly realized he wasn’t interested in spending his entire night trying to figure what adventures theo had or hadn’t heard of. he just needed to find one the kid couldn’t have possibly known. what was newer than a story made up on the spot? except he didn’t need to make anything up. he lived and worked with superheroes closely everyday. he just needed to switch a few details.
and so he began telling theo a tale of a brand-new adventure. he told theo the tale of the day los angeles - sorry, new york city - flooded. it was a normal and sunny day and peter parker was out for a walk next to where the river meets the ocean when he saw it - the water, retreating. he didn’t need his spidey senses to tell him something was wrong. he knew it when he saw it. tsunami.
theo seemed pleased with the story, because he fell asleep with a smile the moment he heard spiderman had been reunited with the little kid he’d lost in the chaos somewhere in the story. eddie got up from his chair slowly, careful not to undo his hard work and accidentally waking the little guy. his hands were shaking and he recognized how he’d relived the emotions of that day while telling the story. he thought of chris now, sleeping safe and sound in the guest bedroom, and felt a wave of happiness. when he woke up on the couch the next morning, he realized two things: one, that theo had slept through the night; and two, that out of every incredible save he’d witnessed both in the army and at the 118, he had chosen one of buck’s.