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Vita (Vigor Mortis)
Vita: All of the most powerful institutions on Verdantop insist that I'm irredeemably Evil by default, and I really don't understand why. Is it my fault that souls are such a delicious snack?
Vita: Ultimately, I'd rather just be left alone. I don't want to hurt anyone. But if they come for me and my family, fine—I won't hold back.
Vita: I think that makes me True Neutral.
Penelope (Vigor Mortis)
Penelope: Lawful Evil.
Penelope: I know what I am. I'm not going to apologize for it. Go ahead and judge me.
Vita: It's okay, I would never judge you for that!
Penelope: …Thank you.
Lark (Vigor Mortis)
Lark: I would like to not be Evil. I'm just not sure I have the right to call myself anything else.
Lark: I never asked to be a monster! But I always will be, won't I? I've hurt people, killed people, and that's not something I can take back.
Lark: No amount of Good that I could possibly do would ever erase that.
Jelisa: Maybe that's true. Personally, I think it counts for something that you're trying.
Lark: Hmm. Let me consult these books more thoroughly and get back to you when I feel like I have a better understanding.
Evelyn (Hive Minds Give Good Hugs)
Evelyn: I try really hard to do the right thing, and now that I'm a hive mind, it's more important than ever for me to have rules that I don't break and lines that I won't cross. I'm Lawful Good!
Evelyn: It's not always easy, though. :(
Tara: You can say that again!
Hsthressis (Hive Minds Give Good Hugs)
Hsthressis: Chaotic Neutral!
Hsthressis: Religion is wrong! Society is stupid! Everything we thought we knew is a lie! I'm an immortal demon and I do whatever the fuck I want! 😈
Evelyn: Oookay, hey, dial it back a couple of notches.
Hsthressis: Pssh. Whatever. You're not my mom.
Evelyn: Huh. Now that you mention it, I…sort of am? I think? I mean, obviously, I would never try to replace—
Hsthressis: You're being weird again, Evelyn. 🙄
Evelyn: S-sorry!
Hannah (Bioshifter)
Hannah: Oh, Lawful for sure! I love being an Order mage. And I have been trying to save the world, so…
She nods and starts to place her icon under Lawful Good, and then feels the Goddess's amused presence. Really? "Good"? Why, isn't that a funny place for her to put herself! Is she sure that's where she belongs?
Hannah: …No.
Silently, she slides the icon down to Lawful Neutral, because she knows, deep down, that she is Not Good Enough.
Sela (Bioshifter)
Sela: You will cease projecting your disgusting system of meat ethics upon me at once.
Sela: I am not a person. I am a machine. I do not have an "alignment." Your attempt to assign me one is foolish and misguided. Urgent imperative: go fuck yourself and die.
Sela: Diplomatic infraction logged.
Valerie (Bioshifter)
Valerie: I have some beef with the D&D alignment system, especially in 3.5e and Pathfinder.
Valerie: The problem is that it's vague, subjective, and even contradictory in some places, and yet the worldbuilding treats it as an objective fact—a concrete, measurable force in the universe. You can literally cast a spell to see if someone is Lawful! But that doesn't just mean that they follow "the law" because no, the laws of society can be arbitrary in their own right, and may or may not align with the character's own personal code of justice, especially if an authority is considered illegitimate (by whom?). At the same time, a character might rigorously follow a personal code, but that code could be aligned with chaotic ideals like freedom and individual self-expression—in which case they could be considered Lawful even if their actual behavior might be indistinguishable from Chaotic!
Valerie: The whole mechanic is IMO better for starting arguments than it is for actually informing your roleplaying. In fact, hot take, I'd argue that 4th Edition (for all its many faults) did it better by cutting out four of the nine alignments completely and simplifying it to Good, Evil, Lawful Good, Chaotic Evil, and Unaligned! That's all you really need to roleplay your character.
Valerie: In conclusion, I disagree with the premise. Please put me down as Unaligned.
Ida: wow we sure found your special interest lol
Ida: you know, the spell to see if someone is lawful exists, like, irl
Valerie: Fuck off, Ida.
Ida: make me bitch
Luna (Magical Girl Mechanical Heart)
Luna: Wow. Imagine having free will and moral agency.
Melpomene: Luna! I have a task for you! Those Earth Guardians have meddled with our plans for the last time! Go to Earth and teach them a lesson.
Luna: Okay, boss. :)
Melpomene: And before you go getting any ideas, by "teach them a lesson" I do in fact mean "inflict physical violence upon them," not "help them with their homework."
Luna: Okay, boss. :(
Luna: Anyway, my alignment is Blue.
Luna: Please excuse me. I have to go beat up some children.
Fulgora (Magical Girl Mechanical Heart)
Fulgora: This doesn't seem like a very difficult question. I follow the law, and I do good, so…Lawful Good.
Minerva: I'm…not sure that it's that simple?
Fulgora: Well, why not?
Minerva: I-I don't know! It just feels like there must be more to it than that, or else why would they bother asking?
Fulgora: Not everything needs to be complicated.
Minerva: I bet Chloe would know more. Maybe we should ask her.
Fulgora: She probably doesn't want us pestering her with questions. Lawful Good is fine!
Melpomene (Magical Girl Mechanical Heart)
Melpomene: While I am ultimately acting for the greater good, I acknowledge that my methods are sometimes…shall we say, ah, morally ambiguous.
Melpomene: For that reason, I will not be so arrogant as to call myself a hero. I am Chaotic Neutral.
Luna: Don't you mean Chaotic Evil? 🙂
Anger and disgust flare in Melpomene's expression. She raises a hand as if to strike Luna, then reconsiders, turning and storming out of the room in a huff.
Luna: Grumpy.
Castalia (Magical Girl Mechanical Heart)
Castalia tilts her head slightly as she ponders the question with a neutral expression on her face.
Castalia: I am Neutral Good.
Luna: …
Luna: Are you…going to elaborate any further?
Castalia: Should I?
Luna: Never mind.
Julietta (Are You Even Human)
Julietta: One of the fun things about being able to shapeshift my own brain is that I can kind of…change my alignment, if I want.
Julietta: Raptor brain is a lot more orderly, for example.
Julietta: But I'm not sure that I have a strong "default" pull toward Law or Chaos in particular. I mean, I strongly dislike the military, but is that because they're lawful, or is it just because they suck?
Julietta: And I'm blessed by Possibility, who seems pretty firmly aligned with Chaos.
Blossom: Just say you Chaotic Good! Chaos best alignment!
Julietta: Sure. Okay. Fine. We can go with Chaotic Good.
Blossom: Maybe we ought call you Thief of Fun Alignment Debates.
In-Joke (Are You Even Human)
In-Joke: I know what you're thinking. You're thinking that I'm obviously Chaotic Neutral.
In-Joke: That's because you don't appreciate the titanic feat of sheer fucking organizational prowess that it takes to direct all of the Defenders of Nothing operations.
In-Joke: Do you know how many fucking spreadsheets I'm tracking at any given time, just to get all of the timing for this shit to be perfect? Of course you don't.
In-Joke: Because the number is zero. I'm just fucking with you. I keep it all in my head.
In-Joke: Yeah, I'm absolutely Chaotic Neutral. 😎