Chapter Text
Ilya: shane
Ilya: shane shane shane shane
Ilya: shaaaaaaaaaane
Shane: What do you want?
Ilya: cruel husband
Ilya: “what do you want?” he says
Ilya: maybe i want nothing
Ilya: maybe i want to say you are the love of my life
Ilya: now and always ❤️
Shane: Ok, I love you too.
Shane: I’m starting my workout so I’m going to turn my phone on silent.
Ilya: WAIT
Ilya: ok
Ilya: you got me
Ilya: shane
Ilya: you remember our honeymoon
Shane: Ilya, I don’t have time to sext you right now.
Ilya: that is a lie and it is almost enough to make me start really sexting just to prove it
Ilya: but this is too important
Ilya: you remember our honeymoon which was beautiful and sexy and even though you were not sure about ibiza you had the best time in the whole world
Shane: Get to the point.
Ilya: “get to the point” he says
Ilya: like there is no beauty in foreplay
Shane: Fuck off.
Ilya: 😈
Shane Hollander has notifications silenced
Ilya: noooooooo
Ilya: shane
Ilya: shane i know you are still looking at your phone
Ilya: because you are secretly hoping this really will be a sext
Ilya: but in fact it is even better
Ilya: [link]
Ilya: david guetta!!!!
Ilya: he is doing a residency at hï this summer
Shane: Even if we went back, I’m not going to the club with you.
Shane: The clubs there scare me, they’re so big.
Ilya: i know sweetheart but it is ok because i have a plan
Ilya: we go with luca and marly
Shane: What the fuck?
Ilya: shane listen to me
Ilya: at first i thought i will just go with marly
Ilya: then i thought no shane will not let me
Ilya: because of the dick sucking thing
Shane: Ilya you are a grown man, you can do whatever the fuck you like, I won’t stop you.
Ilya: ah but you will be very pouty about it because you think we are in ibiza sucking each other’s dicks
Ilya: and even though it was fun last time to fuck the jealousy out of you
Ilya: i will not put you through that stress
Ilya: so you come too
Ilya: and if you are coming, we have to invite haasy
Shane: Ilya you literally punched Marly in the face when you first spent time with them together, how on earth do you think you’ll survive going on holiday with them.
Ilya: that was before
Shane: it was like six months ago
Ilya: i have moved on
Ilya: i found it in my heart to forgive
Ilya: i actually think they are sweet together
Ilya: (if you tell them that i will kill you)
Ilya: and our bond will only grow in ibiza
Ilya: shane please
Ilya: please please please
Ilya: i will do whatever kinky sex things you like out there like fucking you on a beach
Shane: I don’t want to fuck on a beach we’ll get sand everywhere.
Shane: And people might see us.
Ilya: we will put a towel down
Ilya: and that is why it’s exciting 😈
Ilya: please shane it would mean a lot to me to do this
Shane: Fine. I’ll think about it.
Shane: I really do have to go, I love you.
Ilya: i love you too 😘😘😘
*
Ilya Rozanov Apology Tour
Ilya Rozanov renamed the group Ibiza
Cliff: 👀
Ilya: 👀
Ilya: 🏖️🍹💊🎶
Cliff: 🤯🤯🤯
Cliff: rozy bro don’t do this to me
Cliff: are you saying what i think you’re saying
Luca: ...
Luca: Can someone please translate what's happening here?
Ilya: [link]
Cliff: NO WAY
Cliff: NO FUCKIN WAY
Cliff: DAVID FUCKIN GUETTA
Cliff: broooooooooooo
Ilya: marly i already got us a vip table
Ilya: @Luca Haas you can stay back in the hotel with shane because you are boring and also probably under the legal drinking age
Ilya: already booked that too btw and look how good it is [link]
Luca: @Ilya Rozanov I have literally been to Ibiza several times, my friend’s parents have a place near Santa Eulalia
Cliff: roz
Cliff: you fuckin beauty
Cliff: david guetta man
Cliff: WAIT
Cliff: ROZ DO U THINK HE’LL PLAY CLUB CAN’T HANDLE ME
Ilya: marly
Ilya: i think he will
Cliff: 😭😭😭
Luca: Does he not have more recent stuff to play?
Luca: I was like 9 when that came out
Ilya: silence infant
Cliff: @Luca Haas i love u but u can't even joke about this
Cliff: like club can’t handle me
Cliff: that’s me and roz’s SONG
Ilya: 🕺🙌🔥
Cliff: roz do u remember we put that on during our first threesome man good timessssssss
Cliff: that chick was hot too 🥵
Ilya: MARLY NO
Shane: ILYA
Ilya: too late
Shane: I SAID I WOULD THINK ABOUT IT
Ilya: too late for that too
Ilya: remember you don’t have to come it can just be me and @Cliff Marleau
Shane: And let you have a threesome with some random girl in the VIP bathroom of Hï while David Guetta plays Club Can’t Handle Me?
Shane: I don’t fucking think so.
Ilya: the lucky girl could be you if you come clubbing with us
Shane: I hate you.
Ilya: 🥰🥰🥰
Luca: Alexa, play The Vengaboys, We’re Going to Ibiza I guess
Ilya: YES @Luca Haas that’s the spirit
Cliff: 🤪✈️