Chapter Text
“...He’s already dead,” Hange declared, touching Erwin’s lifeless, cold face.
“...Oh.”
That’s all Levi’s managed to get out after hearing what Hange had just said. There were no cries, screams, or rage—maybe because Levi was the one who delivered death to Erwin. Sure, the Beast Titan was the one who made Erwin bleed to death, but it was Levi who made the choice to send Erwin to that said hell. It was also Levi who let Erwin go at the very last second, allowing him to permanently fall into the hands of death. He knew as soon as he chose Armin, Erwin’s fate had been sealed.
So was it guilt that stopped Levi from grieving Erwin’s death? Did his subconsciousness decide that he didn’t have the right to, because Levi ended up being Erwin’s executioner?
Or maybe, Levi’s heart was just refusing to accept death again. Despite how many times he faced the death of his loved ones, Levi’s heart seemed to never get used to it. And how could such a heart accept Erwin’s death so easily when it was Erwin who taught that same heart how to beat fast for the first time?
Levi looked down at Erwin. His eyes were still open, although the icy, blue eyes that once glowed with light and love were completely devoid of life. Erwin’s body was still here, in front of Levi, but Erwin that Levi knew and loved, was long gone.
Starting with Hange, Scout Regiment soldiers paid their last respects to Erwin and started to make their way back to the wall. Levi silently watched as the 104th soldiers (minus Armin and Sasha who were unconscious) bowed their heads next to Erwin’s body one by one, some leaving their last words to the Commander before turning around.
Levi stayed still where he was, his eyes fixated on Erwin’s body. Before fully turning towards the wall, Hange glanced back at Levi. For a moment, only silence remained between the two of them. Sadness was clearly visible on Hange’s face, and Levi turned his head away from them.
“....Take your time, Levi,” Hange said quietly.
Levi gave them a nod. Hange’s eyes locked on Levi for a few seconds, almost as if they wanted to offer additional comfort words to him, but then they turned around and left for the wall, leaving Levi alone with Erwin at last.
But even when Levi was finally left alone with Erwin, he didn’t move right away. He kept his stance, looking down at Erwin with his dull, steel blue eyes. Ever since Erwin and Levi admitted their feelings for one another, Erwin loved telling Levi how they had matching eyes, although Erwin preferred Levi’s shade of blue more.
── ⋆⋅𖤓⋅⋆ ──
“They remind me of aquamarine.”
Erwin said that about Levi’s eyes once, when Levi asked why Erwin loved staring into his eyes so much.
“Aquamarine?”
That was Levi’s first time hearing about it.
As someone who grew up in the Underground City, there was no way for Levi to know what aquamarine was. Sure, Levi had lived off of stealing valuables from aristocrats and Military Police, but he hadn’t stolen jewels before. His main targets were money that these surface people carried around. No right-minded person would bring jewels when they were coming down to the Underground. That’s like them asking to be attacked by thugs as soon as they step into the place.
Erwin kindly explained what aquamarine was, telling Levi how it was a gemstone of a blue shade. After listening to Erwin’s explanation, Levi scoffed.
“Hmph, you just want to tease me because I’m from the Underground,” Levi said. “You just want to see me confused, don’t you?”
If Levi was being honest, Erwin’s compliment about his eyes did make him blush a little. Just a little. And he didn’t want Erwin to find out.
To Levi’s response, Erwin simply chuckled. His icy, blue eyes turned warm for Levi—it wasn’t like the shade of eyes changed, but still, Levi could tell the difference. He just could.
“No, I’m telling you because I mean it, Levi,” Erwin said warmly. “It’s what I thought since the day I met you.”
Levi’s ears turned red, and blush was creeping up onto his face now, too.
Later when Levi and Erwin were out in Trost District to get necessary supplies for the Scouts, Erwin stopped Levi in the middle of the street. He pointed towards a jewelry store.
“There. Levi, look,” Erwin said. “That’s aquamarine.”
Levi’s eyes darted towards where Erwin was pointing at. A silver necklace with a light blue gemstone was displayed inside a glass case. Levi let out a scoff. The light shade of aquamarine was far from Levi’s dull, steel blue eyes at its first glance. If anything, it resembled Erwin’s icy blue eyes much more.
“Hmph, you emphasized how much that rock looks like my eyes, but it looks nothing like mine,” Levi said. “It actually looks like yours, Erwin.”
“Maybe it does for now,” Erwin said, chuckling. “But trust me, after a few years, that aquamarine will look just like your eyes, Levi. And that’s what I find so beautiful about it.”
Blush began to creep on Levi, starting with his ears.
“You would choose a worn out, faded gemstone over a new one?” Levi managed to ask, raising his eyebrow.
“It’s what my father had given to my mother,” Erwin said softly. “For her wedding ring, I mean. By the time Father showed the ring to me, the aquamarine attached to the band had turned dull blue. But Father explained how its loss of the color was proof that how much they had loved each other. Mother wore that ring until her last breath.”
For a moment, it felt like the world had stopped for Levi. Erwin was looking down at him with love in his eyes. There was a soft smile on his lips. This time, even Levi couldn’t help it—his entire face turned red—this confession of Erwin’s had a stronger effect on Levi than when they had shared their first kiss.
Of course, Erwin was watching Levi and his eyes smiled too. He cupped Levi’s face with his big hands and placed his forehead on Levi’s.
“You’re cute when you blush, you know that?” Erwin said.
“Shut up,” Levi said, but his voice was soft. Too soft. “People are watching.”
But Levi made no effort to push Erwin away.
── ⋆⋅𖤓⋅⋆ ──
The same icy, blue eyes that turned warm only for Levi were now staring up back at Levi devoid of color. Levi would never see those eyes of Erwin smile again. Levi would never hear Erwin’s soft voice again. Levi would never feel Erwin’s hand touch his face again.
Levi clenched his fists and bit his lips. Still, no tears came out. It wasn’t the time. And he didn’t have the right to cry. Not yet, anyway.
“...Your eyes look more dull now,” Levi spit out instead, between his clenched teeth. “More than mine.”
Only a breeze filled the air between Levi and Erwin. Levi then finally walked closer towards Erwin, and sat down next to him. Erwin’s face looked much more dead close up, and Levi tried his best to ignore that. A part of him wanted to stand up and keep his distance from the body again, but this was the farewell. His desire to touch Erwin one last time overcame his desire to ignore Erwin’s fate.
“...I told you it would end up like this,” Levi said softly.
His hand gently touched Erwin’s forehead. Then, it slowly moved up to Erwin’s hair and stroked it.
“But you didn’t want to listen to me,” Levi said. “...Stubborn bastard, as always.”
Levi had tried to stop Erwin from embarking on this operation. His gut feeling had come knocking in his mind again for the third time, and Levi had given his all to stop Erwin from leaving the Scouts Headquarters. But Erwin did not listen to him. Even with all the threats Levi had made, even with all the pleading he had done, Erwin had crushed Levi’s last hope, to the point where he had pulled out his position as the Commander.
“You and that damn basement,” Levi muttered, moving his gaze from Erwin to the direction where Grisha Yeager’s basement could be. “Was finding out the truth that important? …You couldn’t even reach that basement and now you’re dead.”
That was the first time where Levi admitted that Erwin was gone out loud. Felt like he truly lost Erwin now, although whether Levi acknowledged Erwin’s death or not didn’t change a single thing.
“...You should’ve stayed back,” Levi said. “If it was going to end up like this. Look at you, Erwin. You pushed me away to reach the basement, to find out the truth and—you didn’t even get to know.”
Silence. This time, not even a breeze filled the air between them. Levi lowered his head and hugged his knees.
“...I would’ve delivered the truth to you if you had sat back,” Levi whispered. “I would’ve delivered the entire basement to you if you just—”
Levi stopped. He turned his head towards Erwin.
“—Just…stayed home,” Levi finished. “Why does no one ever want to stay home?!”
He wasn’t sure whom he was telling the last question to. It could be to his mother, Kuchel, it could be to his last family, Furlan and Isabel, or it could be to his lover, Erwin. Or, it could be to all four of them. None of them listened to Levi, anyway. Or more specifically, none of them trusted his gut feeling enough.
And Levi’s gut feeling has always been right when it came to sensing death.
“...You said let’s live together when everything’s over,” Levi said, with hints of resentment towards Erwin. “We even made plans. We even—went to see the house. I knew chances were slim as hell, but…gods, Erwin. I didn’t think it would end like this.”
“I should’ve broken your legs,” Levi added.
Levi then let out a sigh. He then simply stared at Erwin for a while. Half-open eyes, messy hair, multiple bloodstains on stomach and thighs…Erwin in front of Levi now looked incredibly human. Despite how much he played a role of the devil for the Scout Regiment for the past five years.
“...I wanted to save you,” Levi said quietly. “When I was fighting the Beast Titan, I was hoping you would be alive. And you were.”
Levi slowly got up and hovered himself over Erwin’s body. His dull, steel eyes met Erwin’s dead, icy blue eyes once more. Levi’s hands cupped Erwin’s cold face. Erwin’s face had never been this cold—it had always been warm and full of color, until now.
“But,” Levi began. “When I saw you still dreaming about the truth—I knew I had to let you go. Because I didn’t want you suffering anymore. I didn’t want you to further push yourself into guilt. I didn’t want you to become the devil again. I wanted to save you from the pain. I wanted you to—die as a human, as my Erwin Smith.”
Levi lowered himself onto Erwin’s body. His arms wrapped around Erwin’s neck.
“...Even if that meant I had to lose you forever,” Levi’s voice cracked. “Even if that meant…I will never share a future with you.”
A single tear rolled down Levi’s cheek and it dropped on Erwin’s face.
“I know it was selfish,” Levi continued. “...Please… forgive me, Erwin.”
With that, Levi slowly lowered his head and kissed Erwin. The kiss was gentle and slow—Levi poured everything he had into the kiss. When he finally stopped and lifted his head, Erwin was still staring at Levi with his lifeless eyes. Levi lifted his hand and finally closed Erwin’s eyes for him, knowing that those eyes would never open again on their own.
Levi then stood up.
“...I know I haven’t killed the Beast Titan yet,” Levi said. “But I will. I will keep our last promise, no matter what it takes. I’ll find out whatever truth that basement holds, too.”
Levi turned around from Erwin’s body at last, adjusting his ODM gear.
“So watch me from hell, Erwin,” Levi said, with his back facing Erwin. “Until I join you.”
Levi anchored his ODM gear and disappeared into the air. Only the lifeless body of a man remained on the roof. Despite being devoid of life, Erwin Smith looked more peaceful than ever.