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The greatest day had arrived! Today, two loving hearts were to be bound in marriage. Everything simply had to go perfectly. Axel was counting on it, straightening his cufflinks in front of the mirror. He was wearing an elegant black three-piece suit from an expensive collection of men‘s wedding suits, tailored specifically for the grooms. How else could it be? This was one of the most important days of their relationship – the result of everything they’d been through together, the punctuation mark in their love story. So Axel had spared no expense on the outfits (no matter how much Jakob protested), nor on the venue, nor on the food – and Jakob had been more than happy about that last part. So everything had to go off without a hitch, a perfect score. Axel couldn‘t afford to disappoint the love of his life. And so the feeling of anxiety grew and grew, localizing as a pain in his heart and a faint wave of nausea. Axel needed to calm himself down, maybe with rhythmic breathing, or maybe a little alcohol in his system wouldn‘t hurt before the wedding ceremony.
“So you really believe in God?” Axel had asked Jakob the day before.
“I just want to believe that everything has a meaning,” Jakob said, smiling gently and kissing his cheek. “Right now, my main meaning is you. If all these little rituals and this grand scale of organization are important to you, how could I be against it?”
Axel’s eyes grew a little wet. He pulled his fiancé closer, carefully cupping his chin with his fingers.
“Just don‘t worry so much. There’s nothing perfect in this world.”
“There’s nothing perfect except you, Jakob.” Axel initiated a deep kiss, as if rehearsing the main moment of the ceremony.
They would go on to rehearse it many, many more times – in the bedroom at night, in the morning as soon as they woke up, during breakfast, one last time before getting ready to head to the altar.
His heart fluttered with overwhelming feelings of unconditional, purest love mixed with anxiety. After drinking a little less than a glass of white wine, Axel hurried outside to breathe in the clean, slightly frosty air of Vaasa. Soon they would experience the full contrast between the climate of Northern Europe and the South, as their honeymoon would begin in the city of Naples – a city in southern Italy, perfect for a slow, beautiful holiday for two happy newlyweds.
Breathing deeply, Axel felt his heart slowly decelerate, from the frequency of a racing car engine down to the familiar ticking of a clock‘s second hand. Outside, a couple of his closest friends were waiting for him, including, of course, Kevin, who immediately rushed to throw his arms around Axel in congratulations.
“How are you feeling?”
“Better than anyone in the world!”
With that attitude, he followed his friends to the car that would take them to the church.
The church where the ceremony was to be held was small and cozy, decorated in warm tones. Wooden pews, where the guests were already seated, the soft glow of candles, the smell of incense and wax. Enraptured stares followed Axel in silence as he walked toward the altar. In that silence, the accelerating beat of his own heart was particularly audible. He seemed to be sweating profusely, his face was red, and his hands trembled slightly from the piercing nervousness.
The path to the altar was finally over. Now, all that remained was to wait. Axel turned his gaze to the entrance – any minute now, the light of his life would appear in the church doorway. His heart was now pounding in his throat. His palms had gotten so sweaty that he had to discreetly wipe them on his trousers, hoping no one would notice his nerves. Kevin, standing beside him as his witness, nudged him gently with his elbow and whispered, “Breathe, or you‘ll fall down before he even walks in.” Axel wanted to snap back, but he didn’t have time. The door opened a crack, and a ray of sunlight slipped inside, cutting through the semi-darkness of the church. And in the next moment, he saw Jakob.
He stood on the threshold, so calm and confident, as if he had spent his whole life doing nothing but waiting for this moment. And he was smiling. That same smile that always made Axel’s knees go weak.
And then the music started playing, and Jakob took his first step. Not just toward the altar, but toward their shared future, toward the beginning of a new chapter in their lives. Toward everything they had built for so long and so tenderly. Axel felt his eyes sting, but he didn’t even try to hold back the tears. Let everyone see how much he loved this man.
“Does the future and its great unknown scare you? The seriousness of all this?” Axel had asked Jakob through sleepy haze the night before.
Jakob had gasped dramatically, raising his eyebrows. “You silly. Nothing scares me when I‘m together with you.”
His suit was contrastingly white, but with the same cut as Axel’s, and on his chest was a small boutonnière of dried flowers he had put together himself the previous evening. Axel was struck by how genuinely calm Jakob seemed. And judging by that radiant smile, the one that made his cheeks nearly cover his eyes, Jakob was infinitely happy.
Did I really cause this? flashed through Axel‘s mind, giving him a surge of confidence. He let himself be carried away by his soon-to-be husband’s mood. Axel smiled through his tears.
“Are you crying?” Jakob asked, coming closer.
“No, no. It’s allergies,” Axel tried to joke, betraying himself with another wave of tears.
Jakob was still smiling broadly, perfectly understanding the reason for these emotions. His warm hand touched Axel‘s cheek. “An allergy to what?”
“To perfection. To you.”
Jakob took Axel‘s hands in his, intertwining their fingers. The priest began to speak, but his words faded into the background as Axel couldn’t stop marveling at the beautiful sight before him: at the soft face he’d known since childhood, at every tiny, beloved wrinkle, at the warmest, the dearest smile in the world – the one that deserved a Nobel Prize.
Axel was completely hypnotized as the priest continued slowly about how marriage doesn‘t make you happy, it reflects the happiness that’s already there, and so on. But the speech abruptly stopped. Silence fell over the church, the guests watching the proceedings with rapt attention.
“Are you ready, Axel Åhman, to take Jakob Norrgård as your lawfully wedded husband?” the priest asked softly, looking at Axel.
An answer wasn‘t required – his eyes already spoke louder than any words. But this was something everyone in the hall needed to hear.
“Yes! For these days and a thousand more.”
Jakob hadn’t doubted it, he had only been further reassured that he had made no mistake in choosing the partner of his life. The priest nodded, turning to him with the same question that equally required no answer. Guests were already calling out the long-known, cherished word from their seats.
“From here on, it will forever be Yes!” at this, even Jakob couldn‘t hold back his overwhelming emotions, which manifested as the first wet streaks on his cheeks.
The rings were perfect, just the ones Jakob had chosen. Not grotesque, delicate and thin. Engraved with the year they met. Then they kissed and it was a little bit different the way they had rehearsed. It was more sensual, less ‘dirty’, and somehow more real. Axel felt Jakob smile into the kiss, and he couldn’t help smiling back. Kevin let out a whistle to rouse the guests. The hall erupted in lively applause and chatter.
Afterward, there was a photo shoot on the church steps. The cold wind tugged at their jacket lapels, making Jakob press himself closer to Axel. He placed his hand on Axel‘s chest, beneath it, his heart was still beating impossibly fast.
“You’re still nervous?”
Axel hesitated, then nodded, lifting Jakob’s hand to kiss it.
“About what?”
Axel looked at his happiness – at his husband, at the ring glinting in the spring sunlight.
“About not deserving you.”
Jakob took his face in his hands.
“Good thing that‘s not for you to decide.”
The celebration went flawlessly, aside from the small incidents that no one is immune to. Toward the end of the day, Jakob had had a bit too much sparkling wine and sweets, and about an hour before the wedding party finished, he had quite abruptly knocked out. Now he was peacefully snoring on Axel‘s shoulder in the back seat of the car taking them to the hotel. Axel stared out the window at the city lights, thinking that the hardest part was already behind him. Not the altar or the wedding ceremony, but the life without his husband.
Now, that life did not exist. And it never would. Because without Jakob, it’s worth nothing. Makes no sense to live.
From here on, it will forever be ‘Yes’!
He kissed the top of Jakob‘s head and closed his eyes.