Chapter Text
Group chat: The bet 01/01
01:14
Santos
Well happy new year, and commiserations to our current losers
Kim
Donnie 😂😂
McKay
Dana currently has three days left on her week
Will it happen?
Will it not?
Stay tuned and find out
Donnie
Why do I get the laughing faces?
Santos
Because you were so sure you’d get Hanukkah
Donnie
Well when I put 50 bucks down I wasn’t expecting Abbot to ask Mohan to move in with him that same week
And I definitely wasn’t expecting Whitaker’s dad to 💀
Javadi
Classy
McKay
I still can’t believe they got through Christmas without proposing or moving in together
Mohan
They need to sort their shit out
Langdon
Genuinely forgot this bet was a thing
Still a non interference thing?
Javadi
Correct
And that includes all losers
McKay
I lost my $20
I have no stakes in this now
Kim
Yeah I’m content to watch
Donnie
I’m still holding out hope for a courthouse wedding reveal
Dana
Not a chance
They’re gonna make it everyone’s problem when they start planning that wedding.
Princess
If they get their heads out of their asses I can have them decked out in tuxes and down the isle in ten days
Donnie
So just in time for your window then?
Princess
You know it
Abbot
I have no idea why I took part in this
Samira
Because I told you to
Abbot
I knew there was a good reason 😊
Santos
Whipped
Abbot
😢
————
Private message: Robby & Dennis
01:22
Dennis
Text Jack and see if he’s alright
Robby
Rough case?
Dennis
Nah all good, stupid drunk people but nobody died
Think it’s either a Santos or a Samira thing
He’s walking around like a kicked puppy
Robby
And those are the two people you think would make him look like that?
Dennis
Either Samira said no to whatever they get up to
(not even mentioning the words because I do not need to think about that)
Or Trin called him old
Robby
You call him old all the time
Dennis
Yeah but he knows what we get up to so he takes that as a compliment
Robby
So you don’t want to think about Jack and Samira but you’re fine with him thinking about us
Dennis
I’m sorry, who got me a camera for Christmas?
Robby
It is not for that!
Although…
Dennis
Down boy
Robby
Is it really my fault that I’m thinking about all the possibilities of the things I could do to you while I’m in bed all alone 😢
Dennis
It’s one night shift, control yourself
Robby
Sent 1 image
You really want me to control myself baby?
Dennis
Lena said you should consider manscaping
Robby
DENNIS!
Dennis
I’m kidding, but what did we say about workplace sexting
Robby
I think you were of the opinion that it was only ok for you to rile me up
Dennis
Correct
Just a few more hours, then I’m all yours
Robby
Yeah because I’m really going to do all the things I want to do to you in a supply closet
Dennis
🤷🏼♂️
————
Private message: Trin Trin & Huckster
02:47
Trin Trin
Can I come and see you?
Huckster
Depends
Are you dying?
Trin Trin
Yes
Of boredom
Huckster
A trip to the ER is not the cure for that
Also how are you bored at Mel’s?
Trin Trin
Because she’s all over Langdon
And Vic is dead
Huckster
Say what now?
Trin Trin
Not DEAD dead
Spiritually
The soul of the party has left her body
Huckster
What you get for starting so early
Trin Trin
Old man dick has made you boring
What are you gonna be like when you’re married?
Huckster
Again with the marriage?
Do you have money on this or something?
Trin Trin
🤐
Huckster
Uh huh
Trin Trin
Taking this off her before she says something she regrets
White chocolate
Huckster
Yolanda.
Trin Trin
I have no stakes in this BTW
Huckster
Everyone else does though right?
Trin Trin
Oh yeah everyone
So feel free to fuck with them
These messages will self destruct in three
Two
One
Message deleted
Huckster
Make sure Trin drinks some water
Please?
Trin Trin
Sure thing
————
Group chat: Day shift
06:48
Robby
For those who are actually reading these messages
Happy new year
And can somebody please get that Christmas sweater off Patricia?
Whitaker
Hey I donated that one
Robby
It’s almost a year early
Whitaker
It was 8 days ago
Robby
It needs to go
Whitaker
🥺
Princess
Return of the bottom eyes
Oops wrong chat
————
Group chat: Nurses unite
06:52
Princess
Oops
Donnie
🦶👄
Kim
Never change Princess
Emma
What sweater is this?
Donnie
A gay in a manger
Dana
Sacrilegious
But funny
Jesse
Best kind of humour
Donnie
True dat
Jesse
Dude who uses dat anymore
Donnie
Me? I use dat
Princess
Leave the old man alone
Donnie
I am younger than both of you
Emma
Seriously?
Princess
🤨
Jesse
😡
Donnie
Seriously girl?
Emma
I mean Jesse I knew
Jesse
Rude
Emma
But Princess?
Princess
Yellow don’t mellow
————
Group chat: Day shift
06:56
Robby
Anyway
The sweater goes
Whitaker
Fine.
Langdon
Happy new year 🥳
Mel
No Frank
… no
————
Group chat: The Pittlings
09:23
Javadi (Bitches I’m legal now)
I feel like this is a safe space
Langdone with this shit
Oh I feel like this is gonna be good
Javadi (Bitches I’m legal now)
Maybe it’s just that I was brought up sheltered or something
Santos (I don’t need a nickname)
Definitely gonna be good
Javadi (Bitches I’m legal now)
But surely there are just some things that should not go on a human body
Dennis the menace
Oh this a TRB?
Langdone with this shit
The fuck is a TRB??
Santos (I don’t need a nickname)
Tattoo related breakdown
Keep up
Dennis the menace
Honestly man
Javadi (Bitches I’m legal now)
Santos you have tattoos, why?
Santos (I don’t need a nickname)
I wanted them
End of explanation
Javadi (Bitches I’m legal now)
Ok but they all have some sort of meaning right? Like even the littlest bit of meaning?
Santos (I don’t need a nickname)
Oh yeah
Some are a lot more meaningful than others
Wait, am I the only one in this chat with tattoos?
Langdone with this shit
No
Mel
No
Dennis the menace
Nope
Santos (I don’t need a nickname)
Huh?
Langdon?
Mel?
HUCKLEBERRY?
Mel
Oh I meant that Frank has one
Langdone with this shit
Indeed I do
Dennis the menace
I also meant Langdon
Langdone with this shit
🤨
How would you know about my tattoo
Dennis the menace
Mel
Mel
I don’t think so
Langdone with this shit
Whitaker.
Do you have a tattoo?
Dennis the menace
…
Santos (I don’t need a nickname)
WHAT?
HOW DID I NOT KNOW THIS??
Dennis the menace
Ok it’s not a big deal
Or a big tattoo
Can we get back to Vic’s thing?
Santos (I don’t need a nickname)
Temporarily paused. Vic, what did it say?
Javadi (Bitches I’m legal now)
It was a tramp stamp
Dennis the menace
Don’t knock tramp stamps
Langdone with this shit
Does Whitaker have a tramp stamp??
Dennis the menace
No he does not.
What did the tramp stamp say?
Javadi (Bitches I’m legal now)
Please flip me over
Dennis the menace
Wow
Langdone with this shit
Oh
Ok
Santos (I don’t need a nickname)
Love that
Now what does huckleberry have?
Dennis the menace
You’re not gonna let this go are you?
Santos (I don’t need a nickname)
Nope
Tell meeeeee
Please?
🥰
Does it match any of Robby’s?
Did you get matching tattoos?
Dennis the menace
Jesus no
Santos (I don’t need a nickname)
Hey, you and the old man are weird, it could happen
Dennis the menace
Don’t call him old
Langdone with this shit
Yeah don’t call Robby old
He’s ancient
Dennis the menace
Just because the wrapper is wrinkled it doesn’t mean the candy isn’t sweet
Mel
Huh?
Javadi (Bitches I’m legal now)
How did this get onto candy?
————
Group chat: Nurses unite
10:27
Princess
Ok Whitaker is making a point to give me that face every time he sees me
Jesse
Told you he’s a brat
Kim
He’s come so far from that shy boy with the bad haircut
Jesse
Mullets do that to the gays
They become bitches
Donnie
You don’t have one
What’s your excuse?
Jesse
🖕🏻
Dana
This shit again?
————
Private message: Trin Trin & Huckster
11:16
Trin Trin
Why do we have deleted messages from last night??
What did I say?
Huckster
Damn you saw that?
Trin Trin
I saw deleted messages
I have no idea what we said
Huckster
Probably for the best
Trin Trin
Why???
Huckster
It’s embarrassing for you
Like really embarrassing
Trin Trin
Tell me or no avocados
Huckster
You know I could buy my own right?
Fine
You started waxing poetry about Garcia
She then confiscated your phone
We agreed to delete it
Trin Trin
How bad?
Huckster
Honesty?
Trin Trin
100% honesty
Huckster
You tried to talk about kinky stuff
Trin Trin
How kinky?
Huckster
Remember what I told you about Halloween?
Trin Trin
Yeah…
Huckster
It was so much worse that that
Trin Trin
Oh good lord
————
Private message: White chocolate & The toothbrush monitor
11:22
White chocolate
If she asks, those deleted messages were kinky things
The toothbrush monitor
Oh Jesus
White chocolate
You said to fuck with them
I’m gonna fuck with them
————
Private message: Robby & Dennis
11:30
Dennis
BTW we are fucking with everyone now
Robby
Dare I ask why?
Dennis
Remember we said there was a good chance that they’d put money on a proposal?
Pretty sure there is money on a proposal
Robby
And your first thought is to fuck with them?
Not to…
I don’t know…
Talk to me?
Dennis
Do you want people benefitting from our happiness?
Robby
I touch myself when I think of you sometimes
————
Group chat: The Pittlings
11:33
Samira the snoop
Why is Robby rubbing his face like he just got told he can’t say the word Jewish because it’s offensive to other religions?
Dennis the menace
That’s on me
Santons (I don’t need a nickname)
This a fight or just you being insufferable?
Dennis the menace
I am not insufferable
Langdone with this shit
He’s being insufferable
Dennis the menace
You know I could make your life hell
Langdone with this shit
Ominous
How so?
Dennis the menace
Remember what Robby was like when he wasn’t getting it on the regular?
Santos (I don’t need a nickname)
Oh he’s seriously weaponising sex against you
Langdone with this shit
You could
But you won’t
Dennis the menace
Won’t I?
Langdone with this shit
You blew him in the bathroom after like a week of not being together, no way are you going on a sex strike now
Plus we’ve all heard you talk about it
Samira the snoop
Still scarred from some of this conversations
Santos (I don’t need a nickname)
Same, but I did appreciate the hoetry
Dennis the menace
Oh are we really back to the Notre Dame comment?
Samira the snoop
I’m afraid to ask but I don’t remember the Notre Dame comment
Langdone with this shit
Quoting here
"I want him to wreck me so hard my prostate is ringing harder than the bells of Notre Dame at Easter mass"
Samira the snoop
🤢🤢
Dennis the menace
Oh you have been just as bad
Remember when you called yourself coke?
Santos (I don’t need a nickname)
I don’t remember this one
Dennis the menace
Because she wanted Abbot to do her in the bathroom
Langdone with this shit
Ok that one is kinda funny
Dennis the menace
Not when she says it at Robby’s place at dinner
Santos (I don’t need a nickname)
😳
————
Group chat: Nurses unite
15:22
Princess
Jesus who made this last pot? It’s like doing it in a canoe
Perlah
I don’t even wanna know
Mateo
That a way of calling it good?
Princess
It’s fucking close to water
Donnie
Jesse or Langdon
Just tried it and that some white boy coffee
Jesse
You know there are more than two white guys on shift right?
Whitaker and Robby
Princess
Whitaker- a homosexual with a mullet who lives with Santos
He’s up there with a blue haired barista in terms of coffee making
Donnie
Robby- 20 years in this place and basically held together by the stuff
Not a chance he doesn’t make good coffee
Mateo
Yeah but you forget that Jesse is dating a barista
————
Group chat: Nurse bros
15:25
Jesse
THANK YOU
————
Group chat: Nurses unite
15:26
Princess
I’m fucking the radiologist
He can’t put in an IV
Donnie
😑
Jesse
Sometimes I wonder if you should be speaking to patients
Dana
Honestly, me too.
But this coffee is shit so Jesse call the boyfriend, we’re getting an order in.