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It hasn’t been too long since they started going on dates, maybe a couple months or so, not enough for a year but the moments they stole together between work shifts and holiday vacations and even during Anthony’s field trips and Asa’s coffee runs in the mornings, they managed to find each other whenever they could. It’s more than anything Anthony has ever done, but it feels like it was barely enough.
It’s like the things they’ve been doing now weren’t enough to express how much he truly felt for this fussy little bookseller that he now calls ‘his’.
He doesn’t know it could happen, but Asa took him by surprise, asking if they could be lovers on their 7th month of knowing each other. Asa explained that he was sure he wanted this to be more and asked if Anthony felt the same. Of course, he said yes. Well… he said more than yes… it was Anthony that flat out said that they should be boyfriends—or partners since it felt a bit silly calling someone his ‘boyfriend’ at his age. His students wouldn’t mind teasing him about it, though.
‘Is that your boyfriend, Professor Crowley?’
‘I didn’t know you liked anything other than the stars, sir.'
‘Bit of a surprised but also… not’
The last comment was made by his eldest brother all while giving him a bit of a side-eye and a glance over. Anthony just ignored it, chalking it up to older people being a bit outdated and all that. At least Luci didn’t outright prevent him from pursuing Asa. Not that Anthony would allow it. Anthony never really listened to Luci so that’s also probably a reason why Luci said nothing about it.
But there’s another problem on the table. Not just with the upcoming batch of new students on top of his promotion to being a dean in his department, but also with Asa. Time has never been a problem before. They could always slip away to France on a long weekend, grab some crepes and still have enough time to come back to their usual schedules before anyone noticed that they were gone. So why does it feel so… different now?
Not only with his new promotion, but also with himself. He’s getting too caught up with work, too busy for his liking and yet he couldn’t stop. He needed to write, he needed to teach, he needed…
…he needed to be in Asa’s arms.
“That’s the third cup of coffee that has gotten cold this morning, Crowley," Bels scolded as she passed by his cubicle. Despite his promotion, the dean’s office was still being renovated (add that to his list of worries), which meant he needed to stay in this tiny staffroom cubicle for a while longer. It wasn’t a problem for him before since he spent most of his time with his kids, but with the promotion, it meant more paperwork and less hands-on teaching work.
“It’s no—” Anthony tried to deny but the moment he looked up from his papers, he realised that it was in fact… his third cup. Talk about being distracted. “It’s not a big problem," He conceded, huffing as he stretched his arms above his head, feigning nonchalance whilst his mind wondered why he was so distracted.
“When was the last time you’ve been on a date?” Bels kept asking while they used the office printer. ‘Use’ was doing a lot of legwork here since it looked more like they were abusing the poor old contraption rather than using it for its right purposes but in all honesty, printers are the spawn of hell, so Anthony didn’t really feel the need to be saddened on its behalf. If this office were hell on earth, then Bels would be its Prince.
“Sorry, what?” Anthony asked, confused by the sudden question.
“You heard what I said." Bels tapped the side of the printer harshly for taking too long to process the files that needed to be printed. Anthony watched them with a curious but cautious gaze.
“14th of February," Anthony answered, to which Bels rolled their eyes in disgust. “Valentines, really? What are you, a teenager?” it was a rhetorical question that sounded closer to an insult, but Anthony knew better than to take offence. See, if Bels genuinely didn’t care about you, then they wouldn’t be asking anything in the first place.
Anthony almost wanted to roll his eyes as well but in the back of his mind, he admitted to himself that he felt like a teenager whenever Asa was around.
“So, five weeks ago. That explains it," Bels commented before they left, leaving Anthony to ponder their statement. "Wait – what? What do you mean? Bels!” he tried to get their attention but to no avail. Bels was already out the door, completely ignorant to the growing ball of anxiety inside Anthony’s stomach. Or maybe they knew and just wanted Anthony to suffer more…
With a defeated sigh, Anthony went back to staring at a pile of papers on his desk. What was he even doing? There's still two weeks before class starts and he’s here worrying about things that haven’t even happened yet... or things that have already happened that he either made happen or couldn't really control. He’ll ignore the fact that he’s already planned out the first semester of his classes despite knowing that he’d be busy executing most of his plans. Darn promotion. If it weren't for the opportunities to create better programmes for the kids, he’d have denied the promotion altogether.
With a sudden jolt caused by an unexpected ‘ping’ from his phone, Anthony’s thoughts finally had something else to focus on. The message was short, sweet, and simple. And it had the power to ease his mind no matter what was going through it.
“Dinner?”
Checking the time was the last thing he did. He didn’t care about that when he had the chance to spend it with Asa. He'd choose his angel over anything and run off with him if he could, but Asa wouldn’t allow that. They both know that Anthony loves his students.
“Be there at 6. I’ll get dessert on the way," Anthony messaged back before he began packing his items and cleaning the desk. He also made sure to throw away the cold cups of coffee on his desk.
Dinner was particularly lovely. Asa announced that they had a nice young fellow who donated books to the shop and was charming and lovely. Anthony told Asa about his plans for the coming semester, and they finished it off with ice cream on the couch while they watched The Great British Bake Off to unwind for the day.
Things were amazing and peaceful and just about the best Anthony could ever ask for. He had a stomach full of delicious food and wine; his Angel was right beside him, invested in the show while their hands were clasped together on top of the long pillow that they had over their legs, and Anthony’s mind was... elsewhere.
He should stay in the moment; he should enjoy the warmth and comfort of the domestic scene before him and yet he couldn’t shake off what Bels had said.
That explains it. Explained what?
Had Anthony been… off? Was he distant? Inattentive? Surely he wasn't; otherwise, Asa wouldn’t be here with him tonight. If there was something wrong, then Asa would’ve said something about it now. It was the perfect time.
But what if Asa were savouring the moment? Anthony won’t deny his busy schedule, and it’s been five weeks since they went out for a date, although technically, this dinner was a date… was it?
He turned his head slightly and stared at Asa’s profile with both awe and fear. Asa looked angelic no matter what lighting or what angle he looked at him from, and he looked particularly cuter when he was invested in something. Mouth in a thin line, eyes focused, brows furrowed and his nose scrunched up whenever the contestants did something one would consider a great British crime in the kitchen.
How could Asa even have the patience for someone like him? Was it love when you allow your partner to do whatever they want that doesn’t even involve you?
The thought of Asa staying and settling for anything less than he deserved… It was heartbreaking.
Asa deserved so much more.
“Is there something wrong?” Asa’s voice broke him out of his thoughts, as it always does, and everything physical finally caught up with Anthony. For one, he was gripping Asa’s hand a bit too tightly, so he loosened it immediately. Another thing was that his cheeks were damp and his eyes stung. Lastly, his face felt warm cupped between Asa’s hands. A balm to the coldness of the night’s air.
He felt Asa’s fingers gently touch the edge of his glasses and Anthony nodded his consent for Asa to remove them.
With fingers far too gentle for someone with large hands, Asa removed the glasses and carefully placed them on the space on the couch behind him before he brushed the tears away from Anthony’s face. Asa didn’t need Anthony’s answer immediately. They had time and Asa will wait for Anthony’s answer for as long as it takes him. Instead, he leaned down, pressing his lips on Anthony’s cheeks, brushing the apples of them afterwards before moving to press kisses on his eyelids and forehead. Anthony savoured every press of his angel’s kisses and felt his eyes flutter shut, forgetting for a moment that he was ever asked a question.
What felt like hours of gentle caresses and soft kisses probably lasted a few minutes, but Anthony’s eyes finally opened and a fresh wave of tears threatened to spill as he prepared to answer Asa’s question.
“Nothing’s wrong,” he forced himself to say, genuinely annoyed that he couldn’t find the right words to say in that moment. "Just doing the right thing, you know. With the students. School. Classes.”
Asa, ever so patient and understanding, only nodded slowly and smiled at him like he was the most precious thing in the world. “Yes, classes are about to start soon, and you have new projects you need to get funding for." By the Gods, Asa was perfect. Not only patient but he also listens to Anthony.
“I’ll be busy—busier than usual," Anthony continued, trying to hint at something and at nothing all at once. Asa doesn’t seem to get it.
“Of course, dear, take your time,” his voice was soft, genuine, and kind – overly too kind for a human who was made to wait repeatedly. Anthony felt Asa’s fingers swipe his tears again. Why was he even crying? “I’ll ask you for dinner again and again, and if you don’t have time, then we can always reschedule," Asa offered and that just made the growing pit of desperate need in his gut grow bigger.
Anthony didn’t want to be busy, and he didn’t want Asa to always wait.
“You can do something other than wait, you know. Better use of time, really.” Anthony tried and failed to be convincing. Why does he even try at this point? Asa has proven time and time again that if he wanted something, he’d do it regardless of the hardships.
“And name one thing that would be a better use of my time. Can you do that for me, darling?” Anthony will blame the endearment for making him come up with nothing. The silence only made Asa smile and lean down to press a kiss to his nose. “Will you tell me what’s wrong now? ”
“I want more time,” Anthony finally gave in, “…convenient of me to ask for something that I singlehandedly prevent, I know.” He added with a frustrated huff.
With a whispered breath, Anthony leaned into Asa’s hands some more and said: “I want more of this."
Asa would’ve cooed at the cuteness if he didn’t also see the pain behind Anthony’s admission. It was starting to make sense now; Asa could see the problem clearer. “Do you feel guilty for being busy?” he asked softly, his hands still warm against Anthony’s cheeks; never once did he let go of his lover’s face. He felt Anthony nod and that’s all Asa needed.
Pulling Anthony’s head up higher, Asa didn’t give him a moment longer to doubt anything.
With the pressure of Asa’s lips against his own, Anthony felt more relieved than ever. He pressed forward, his mind ignoring everything other than the warm sensation of Asa’s mouth and hands on his own skin. At his very core, contrary to the popular belief that his brother and sister had, Anthony was a person of touch. He loved it. He loved it more when the touch came from Asa.
Word of affirmation may ease his mind, but nothing can compare to the sensation of Asa’s hands against his cheek and on the back of his head, their tongues pressing together softly in this dimly lit living room.
Breaking the kiss, Asa pressed one more kiss to Anthony’s nose again before he brushed his hair back. “I know you love your students, Anthony. You want to give them everything you never had, and I love that most about you. You care so much; I feel lucky to have someone as amazing as you in my life, choosing me out of all the people of the world to spend time with.”
Neither of them cared if Anthony was crying again. Asa will brush those away since time wasn’t really a problem now, was it?
For now, he’ll give his needy serpent the warmth of a touch and a kiss.