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"[hey hey hey]" the chained spamton floating above the priest waved his hands as the clearly perturbed man looked around as if there was any other person the floating ad could be talking to in the empty space he had found himself in.
craning his neck to look the other in the face, he decided to answer a little hesitantly with a nod and short "hello"
"[surprise prices!!!] to see someone like you here!" the add flated a long as far as the cain let him
"What brings a [man of god!] around a place like this"
Dove ducked as the guy almost hit him with his own head.
"The matters of the Angel do not concern you. Her will reaches everywhere, I am but Her humble servant."
The strange floating spamton laughs, almost as if he finds Dove's words to be humorous.
"I can bet your [Angel]'s never seen the parts of the [milky way] I have, I'll tell ya that for sure! But you still haven't answered my question - whatcha doing here, huh priest?"
"I can ask you the same question - why on earth are you chained down? And, well... Floating?"
The man in front of Dove was outright blasphemous - and taking flight, no less! Wasn't the privilege reserved for someone of better stature - someone holy, someone who must stand above others? Dove doesn't like being talked down to, even if the one who he is talking to is simply positioned higher than him. He is a man of the Angel - he should be regarded with respect.
Dove reached down to grab that chain and lower the shorter man below him to solve that issue, frowning down at the puppet instead.
The other just kept up that unflinching grin.
"ARE WE ABOU7 TO [KISS KISS FALL IN LOVE]?"
He cackles as Dove deadpans and lets the chain go, but can't bring himself to turn away from him. Turning away from an unsaved soul, even if its this one, is condemning them. He has to at least try.
"Disregarding THAT. I will now read the prophecy for you, and as a captive audience, I hope you will be receptive to Her word."
"I5 SHE [Hot Tamales]?"
Dove scowled, taking a breath as he fished in his robes for Her word. He wasn't one to give up so easily, even if the heathen before him seemed to take little interest in his pontificating. As he opened it, his eyes closed for a moment. He'd long since memorized what he was meant to read, though he was of the opinion that having the words in front of him made him appear more esteemed. That did not hold up, however, when the book was kicked out of his hands, sending it flying off into the darkness.
"Wh- HEY!"
"WH0OPS" the puppetlike thing cackled, folding its arms behind its head as it pretended to recline on nothing, "WHAT'S [WHISKEY-ROMEO-OSCAR-NOVEMBER-GOLF] PR34CHER, DON'T HAVE 1T [memorable photos of the whole family!]"
Dove clenched his teeth, taking a deep breath as he tried to keep himself calm. He wanted to snap back at the obnoxious puppet, but he refrained, choosing instead to bite his tongue and respond with a /calm/ demeanor.
"I do have it memorized." Dove began, eyes narrow as he stared daggers at his counterpart. "Do you want me to preach or not?"
"[AEEHEAHEHAHA]!!" The floating Spamton cackled, throwing his head back as if whatever the priest had said had been the funniest thing he'd heard in eons. "I [Never Say Never] ASKED [U 2], BUT IF YOU [have any?] SOME [science-fiction novel] I'D BE [happy happy happy] 2 L1STEN... WELL, /OTHER/, [Weird Science] FICTION!!" He laughed again, a grating sound that made Dove cringe.
"My Lady's scripture is /not/ fiction." Dove seethed, pushing his glasses further up the bridge of his nose.
"I'VE BEEN [round] LONG 3NOUGH TO [I know-] THINGS THAT [yew]'D NEVER [understand me??]. THE [Angel] IS A MERE--"
Dove grabbed the chain, yanking the other Spamton down to meet his gaze head on.
"I will advise you *not* to speak my lady's name in vein. You will show respect to her light and guidance."
The puppet spit at him, a sticky black supstance that reaked of cigarettes and dumpster juice. Dove released him to step back, retching from the smell as he tried to wipe it off, ruining his handkerchief in the process. It was his favorite too, one given to him by one of his boyfriends. He would make that... *thing* pay for ruining something so pure.
But perhaps being abandoned by the Angel and her light was punishment enough. He turned his nose up, sniffing in indignation. Perhaps he should find something to cut that forsaken chain, allow this vagrant to disappear into the aether.
"You don't deserve my mercy." Dove proclaimed. Maybe he shouldn't free this fellow. Maybe he should let him rot. Let the Angel decide when it was time to show him mercy. That would serve him right.
"The [[Universal Studios]] feels the [SAMe] [♫ One Way or Another ♫]." The floating dumpster goblin broke into incoherent, glitching, painful laughter that rang in Dove's head.
"Angel have mercy." Maybe he should try and exorcise it?
He had a vial of Holy water on him, and some smelling salts, and his rosary had a Holy Symbol on the end. He could do this. "Angel above, give me the power to drive the evil from this man, and free him from his possession."
"P[extend lease?], no, [Don't Take the Furniture!!!]" The floating being cried.
Did he think Dove was going to <i>rob</i> him? "No, I am freeing you. Angel, DRIVE THE DEMON FROM THIS victim. In the name of the human, the monster, and the prince from the dark, LEAVE THIS SOUL AT ONCE." He splashed the flying fellow in holy water.
"Thanks, I [[knead]]ed a [Dr Teal's Ultra Moisturizing Bath Bombs]."
What. The. Hell. "Angel, who art in Heaven, hallowed be thy name..."
"R u gonna [[♪Free to Fly, Free to Sing♪] me or [knotting]?"
Okay. Fine. If it would get this pest out of his hair. It wasn't holy. It was downright demonic. He needed it gone. Dove grabbed a hair pin and began to unpick its locks. "As soon as I'm done, I want you gone."
"N0 [Is there a problem,
I'M R34DY T0 [head over hee--] WH3N3V3R Y0U G3T 4R0UND T0 [cracking that safe!]"
Dove grumbled and continued working the lock, tickling the tumblers as he muttered The Lady's Prayer.
"*Our Lady, Who Art in Heaven, Delta be thy Rune...*" One down.
"[Phi Kappa Delta]" B3 0UR RUN3?? [Really really]??" The puppet exploded in laughter.
Dove ignored him "*...Thy Prophecy, One, Thy Peer is None, Without You, only Tomb...*" There's the second.
The puppet groaned, kicking and tugging the chain irritably. "1 G1V3 TH1S [malarkey] A [0/10; would not recommend]."
"*Grant us, We Pray, that our Party may do Your will and make it through." And that's the third. "Expose the liars where Dark wills conspire, and make your Prophecy True." The lock clicked open, the puppet grasping the chain in delight.
Dove sighed, chain in hand. "Alright, now that's done I'll ask one last time: will you repent--"
He was cut off with a noxious, woody kiss and a deluge of dark, fetid spit filling his mouth. He gagged and recoiled, both from the cigarette ash trash and the swift kick to his chest.
"H4PPY TR41LS, P4DR3!" the puppet cackled into the abyss.
Dove spat and stared after him. "...what an asshole."