Chapter Text
Sirius Black was not okay.
Merlin, nothing was okay. Sirius just wanted to go back to James's apartment and cry in his best friends' arms. But he couldn't do that anymore. He doesn't trust you anymore.
Shivering at the thought Sirius continued making his way through the thick bush of the forest. Him and a group where on a mission for the Order, hunting down a pack of werewolves in the forest who had dedicated themselves to you-know-who. At least that's what Dumbledore said. Sirius wasn't completely sure he believed the old man. The pack they were hunting was known for their neutrality. They lived away from the wizarding world. Interacting solely with muggles and never to close to the full moon. It seemed weird to Sirius they would choose to join Voldemort's ranks, although with the bigotry the ministry has for dark creatures, Sirius can't exactly blame them. He himself is having a hard enough time finding his place after being disowned.
Leaving behind the abusive and most toxic house of black was supposed to be a good thing. Turns out Sirius is just as hated by light wizards as he is by pureblood supremist. Fucking great.
Blood Traitor. Black. Mudblood Loving Filth. Death Eater.
Sirius honestly couldn't catch a break. And the worst part? James was starting to believe the rumors being spread around. James. The only person in his life who had ever actually cared about him. And he thinks Sirius is the spy.
You deserve it. What have you ever given him in return? Expecting him to love and believe you when your own family couldn't. Selfish prick.
Sighing Sirius picks up his pace with the rest of the group, coming to stand beside Peter. Sirius actually quite liked Peter, he was always quite in school but easily fooled people. He was smarter than people gave him credit for, something Sirius respected about the other boy. Even if the two had never been close, something James had greatly disliked, Sirius thinks they could have been friends if Peter hadn't put so much purchase into who Sirius's family was.
James had always found their lack of a relationship disappointing. Sirius could understand where James was coming from, wanting your two best friends to get along was only natural, but the amount of pressure he put solely on Sirius to make this happen was unfair. Sirius himself couldn't change how Peter saw the Black family, hell he wasn't even able to convince Dumbledore he had completely strayed from pureblood extremism.
And now with James starting to question Sirius's loyalties, there was quite literally no one on his side. The fact they all thought he could not only betray them, but torture and kill people he'd once considered allies was unbelievable. Sirius actually really hated violence. It's why he became a healer. He wanted to save people not be the cause of their pain.
Growing up with Walburga and Orion Black as parents had exposed Sirius to the world of violence and abuse early on.
At the beginning Sirius had thought he deserved his parents' punishments. He thought they were normal. Until Regulus came along.
When Sirius first looked into his baby brothers eyes his first thought wasn't about how this was his new sibling. No. He looked at Regulus and Sirius's heart immediately claimed the younger child as his baby.
From that point on, even though he had only been two years older, Sirius took care of Regulus.
Sirius learned how to cook so Regulus could eat when their mother denied them food. He taught Regulus how to walk, read, and write. He taught his little brother the difference between right and wrong. He made sure Regulus always knew he was loved.
The first time his mother had raised a hand to Regulus was when Sirius knew his parents' methods were wrong. Because unlike Sirius, Regulus was perfect. He was a kid.
Not that his brother knows it, but he was the one that inspired Sirius to become a healer. Which is why Sirius hated being sent on these kinds of missions. They always ended in violence. The type that would trigger Sirius and bring back mental images of Grimmauld Place.
Plus, Sirius wasn't completely sold on Dumbledore's inside knowledge of the pack. He knew the old man had biases against anything that was considered dark magic and as werewolves were dark creatures they often got lumped with bigoted extremist in the public eye.
Honestly Sirius had sympathy for them. Not just werewolves, but all dark creatures. He could personally relate to the struggle of being hated by both light and dark wizards. It truly did make life difficult.
Self-obsessed git, you don't know anything about their struggles. Stop thinking about yourself for once.
Shaking his head Sirius tries to refocus on the surrounding forest. Spiraling right now wasn't going to help anyone and would only lead to more troubles for him and the team. Sirius starts counting in his head, staring at the tree in front of him until it comes into focus.
When he does come back to, Sirius realizes he's alone.
Alright so that's not okay. Looking around Sirius finds no trace of his team. Knowing if he doesn't find them soon, they'll use his disappearance as proof he's the spy, Sirius quickly starts making his way through the brush of the forest looking for any sign of the other order members when he feels a hand clamp over his mouth and an arm wrap around his waist, violently tugging his body against another person's. Sirius starts to struggle when he hears words spoken he'd thought he'd left long behind with the House of Black.
"Imperio."
Sirius finds himself unable to move. Every limb in his body feels weighed down, waiting for orders from his captor. He's nothing but a puppet.
Useless filth, you can't even fight off a simple curse how do you expect anyone to ever find you useful. I should have gotten rid of you when I had the chance.
Trying to clear his mother's voice out of his head, Sirius tries to regain focus. He really doesn't need this right now. Yet here he is.
When Sirius manages to focus, he sees...the order members?
Fuck. No, no, no this can't be right.
"Awe, look. The traitors scared." Dearborn mocks.
He senses movement behind him and feels as ropes are tightened around his arms and legs. Securing him in place, not allowing movement without pain shooting through his body. Out of the corner of his eye, he sees someone pull out a knife and hand it to Dearborn. Sirius feels fear shoot through him; he tries to break the curse, tries to do anything to fight against this, but it's all useless. He can't control his body. They can do whatever they want to him and Sirius is helpless. Resigning himself to their cruelty he feels as the cool blade of the knife starts running over his skin. That's when he feels the first jab, when the blade enters his side, he feels someone simultaneously kick him from behind. The others are laughing around him as he is continuously beaten and cut into.
Eventually he feels everything stop. Keeping his eyes squeezed close Sirius hopes they would have left him to die in peace.
Sirius has no such luck.
He feels fingers slide along his jaw, making his body shake in fear.
"You know even all beaten up, he's such a pretty thing." Dearborn states. "Might just have to try a few things before we leave you here to rot. Can't let an opportunity like this go to waste can I?"
Sirius thinks he's going to be sick. He can't do anything. He's tied up and while the Imperios' hold on him had faded, he was now too weak to fight back against the men in front of him. He's shaking and tears are streaming down his face. He'd plead for mercy if he could form words, but he finds himself mute and while not an uncommon occurrence, also not particularly helpful with his current situation. He feels a whimper leave his throat as Dearborn begins to cut away at his clothes. His hand running up Sirius's thigh, until a howl was heard in the distance.
"Damnit, guess you got lucky Black." Dearborn yells at him as he and the others scurry off.
When Sirius opens his eyes, he expects to be alone, but Peter is still there in front of him. "You deserve this you know. You were a fool to think anyone would believe you could be different than your family. You know this was James's idea? Said he finally saw the truth, didn't understand why he ever trusted you. Blacks don't change." Peter spat at him before apparating away.
Sirius was heartbroken. James wanted this? Did he really hate Sirius that much now? He doesn't understand what he did to convince everyone to hate him. Is he really that much of a screw up?
Yes. You deserve all the pain you've dealt with. If you'd simply shut your mouth, you might still have people willing to tolerate you, but no you just have to make everything so difficult for everyone. You should take the pain. Stop fucking complaining, whining like a little bitch. This is what you deserve.
He hears another round of howl's sound in the distance, except they almost sound...closer?
Fuck! It was the damn full moon, and they had been hunting werewolves. For Merlin's sake. The wolves could probably smell his presence in the forest; it would be easier than normal to with cuts Dearborn had carved into him. Maybe...Maybe he could transform into Padfoot? Through reading Sirius knew it was safer for animals to be around werewolves during the full, however he wasn't exactly sure if the wolves heightened sense of smell could differentiate a normal animal and an animagus or if that could put him in danger.
Not like he had the choice but to try at the moment. this was going to hurt like fucking hell.
Focusing on shifting through the pain, Sirius could feel his bones snapping. Gritting his teeth through the pain Sirius forced himself to see this through. Once he was in Padfoot's form he couldn't help but whimper in pain. Everything hurt. Physically at least. As Padfoot the emotional pain he felt from James's betrayal and the awful words that usually haunted his brain almost completely vanished. He settled himself down, when he heard rustling coming from the distance. It sounded like multiple paws repeatedly hitting the ground and they were coming closer.
After a few minutes multiple wolves emerge from the line of trees. The one leading them, a large wolf with golden brown fur and golden eyes, approaches Padfoot.
The dog intimidated by the larger animal lays his head on the ground in submission, as he is not able to accomplish much other movement. The wolf approaches him and gently sniffs at his scruff. Padfoot lets out a whimper as the nose of the wolf gently nudges him. Even though the movement was meant to be kind it causes the small dog immeasurable pain. The wolf's golden eyes lock with Padfoot's and he the concern in them makes the dog want to reassure the larger animal. Though he's not sure how.
Then the wolf gently takes charge, he moves to lay protectively beside Padfoot and when the dog tries to move, the wolf lets out a gentle growl, warning him to stay in place. Once Padfoot complies, the wolf begins to gently lick at the cuts marking the small dog's body. The feeling of the rough tongue gently cleansing and soothing his wounds calms Padfoot. He doesn't have to worry; the wolf is here to protect him. He gently leans his head against the wolfs side and lets the larger animal take charge.
Right now, even though he's in pain, he's safe. He's cared for. Right now, he can let someone else take control. Padfoot gently drifts off to sleep, as the wolf watches over him.